Friends Gets Therapized - Rachel Asks Ross To Be Her Backup 

I remember watching "My Best Friend's Wedding", where Julia Roberts and Dermot Mulroney made a pact in college to marry each other if both were still single at 28. All I could think was "That still seems insanely young, there's no need to rush into a commitment like this."

In regards to surprise proposals, an idea I read and liked was that you should already both know that you want to be married, discussed it, and maybe even picked rings, but the date and time of the actual proposal is still a surprise. (worked for my relationship anyway..)

Im 52 and single and I am so happy about it. I dated 2 very toxic men had a child with one but truly believe what you said. Being alone is so much better than being with the wrong person I'm happier now than I have ever been in my life. I have 3 beautiful grandchildren and great friends.

This is the first time I’ve heard anyone else say that surprise proposals are a bad idea. I’ve long been against the idea and been called unromantic and a kill joy, but you’re making such an important decision, and you just wouldn’t do anything else of such import, like deciding to buy a house or start a business on a moment’s notice.

My parents were pulling an all-nighter for an assignment at uni and were a bit tipsy. They made a contract saying they'd get married if they weren't married by 40 I believe. They were just friends at the time but now they're married 😂 They found it in an old book decades later and had 0 recollection of writing it 😂

They still remain the most toxic relationship on friends

I actually had a backup deal with a friend of mine, who I actually had a huge crush on, so when she floated the idea I happily agreed, and thought that hey, she might have a thing for me too, maybe we can give it a shot when she gets home (she was working overseas at the time) Of course, she then met a guy, fell hard, and is happily married to him. So, bit of a bummer for me even though I am super happy for her.

"There is no true security outside of yourself" 👌🔥

I'm no expert on any of this--I'm 42, and not only am I still single, I don't even know anyone who would want me even as their backup--but I've always been firmly against the idea of surprise proposals. I think of proposing marriage the same way lawyers think about cross examining a witness; don't ask the question unless you already know what the answer is. Marriage is a huge step, and it needs to be decided on through serious, sober, adult conversation. Not through an unexpected elaborate gesture designed to make the other person feel like they have to accept because you put so much effort into it.

So.. platonic life partners is definitely a thing. Big Ace community energy. FYI.

I completely agree that before proposing you should already have talked at length with your partner about what you want in life, how you see your future and even if marriage is what you both want. However, I do like the idea of the actual proposal being a surprise, once you both agree it's what you both want and are ready for. The partner should know it's coming at some point, but I love the idea of the timing still being a surprise e.g. the partner thinks it's going to happen on New Years Eve, you propose in summer while on a trip :)

I've been told I'm a backup by several people in one way or another and it's not a great feeling. I'd rather spend my time with someone who chooses me because of who I am and not a lack of better options

Honestly a back up sounds like security. As an asexual, it took me a long time to find out what my love style was since I wasn't drawn to people like everyone else. It's hard to find someone that I trust enough because of all the expectations in society that don't prioritize my needs or happiness. A back up in my case would probably be more akin to a life long best friend than a romantic partner. I'm not necessarily attracted to them but I would be happy to live with them and share my life with them. I would never go into a relationship like this without an out though. For the both of us. Which can also be said for romantic relationships. If things change in our lives then we must adapt. And if parting ways is how it ends up. Then I hope its on good terms.

I had a backup. In our early twenties my best friend and I agreed, only half jokingly, to marry if at 40 we were both single (his idea). We are both happily married to others now, and those others are better fits for us, but we were very intellectually and emotionally intimate and had shared values. We weren't incompatible... we just lacked chemistry and may have had challenges with some of our flaws. I believe our deep friendship and respect could have been the foundation for a strong marriage had we found ourselves alone, though our current partners are certainly better. I suspect backups rarely work in reality.

"being alone is better than being with thf wrong person" is ultimately where I've landed. I was widowed 5 years ago at 35 and have dated intermittently for a little over a year. I'm picky and cautious but I'd rather be alone than partner with someone solely to avoid loneliness.

I think every person and every couple is different. It depends on what you each want in a marriage, too. Marrying for love is quite a recent concept -- if you're happy without romantic love, I would think that marrying a friend and building a successful life with them could be perfectly fulfilling.

About the surprise Proposal I think you can have both, my wife used to ask me all of those things when we were living together as a couple but I always ended up the conversation with "but this might not happen so soon, ok? I still think we need to see if living together works" and when I proposed she was so surprised she started crying and told me she never saw it coming.

My friend and his best friend have a pact that if neither of them is married by the time they are 40, they will hunt each other down for sport. Ngl, I like that solution better.

I sort of feel a bit sad for the people who have backups. Who knows though, maybe I've got it all wrong. I'm 29 and I've been in 2 long term relationships for a total of 10 years of my life. Pretty much nonstop since I was 16. The last 3 years is the longest I've ever been single. I've truly never felt so happy in my life. Paradoxically I feel less lonely now than I've done most of my life and I think it's because I've never been this close to myself before. It's different for everyone, but I think I'm happiest when I'm single. I'm not 100% against the idea of a relationship if I fell in love with the right person but I have no intention of looking 🤷‍♀️

I could maybe see “you’re my backup” as an “I love you and would like to be married to you someday but I’m not at a place in my life where I can commit right now and I don’t want you to wait for me.” I mean… it can happen that you really love someone but also have other things you want to experience before marrying and commitment of that calibre. I don’t know does that make sense to anyone else?

My husband and I talked about marriage for several months, getting more and more serious about it, but we still wanted to keep each other on edge, so as we got closer and closer he'd pretend he didn't have the ring and I'd pretend I wouldn't say yes. On the trip when he proposed it turned out he was so nervous to ask and be turned down that I thought he was breaking up with me 🤣 . It turned out okay and now we have a story to tell, but underneath the nerves, we both knew we were serious 💙

With people born in the 90's I've noticed that they already know the perfect person for them and have feelings for them, but they're their best friend so they don't want to "ruin" the relationship and so they keep dating the wrong people and wonder why they can't find love, and that best friend becomes their backup. I usually tell them to take a chance and if they do the generally wind up happy. Marrying your best friend is usually the best bet, because who knows you better? They've seen your weird and your angry, and they still love you. So why not skip needing them as a backup and just let yourself love them how you really want to anyway.

7:49 I was thinking that as well. What if your backup dies? Anyway, if they're such a good fit, why wait? Why not start that relationship at the time you think of that pact? Then you'd be in a better position to see if that marriage would be good for you both. 8:38 "You supplement me." I love that you introduced me to that thought 😊 9:20 One of my besties has said that to me a few times.

I'm 52 and one of the things that has taken my whole life to learn is, what do I have control of and what do I have no control over.

100% WHEN should be the surprise not the IF. And for goodness sake don’t buy a ring if you don’t KNOW it’s a yes

I think its really cool when y'all put **laugh track laughs** on the closed captions

This actually made me cry! Great topic. I dreamt of marriage and kids since age 14, and had a few friends suggest being backups over the years. 47 now and still single.

My best friend and I did a back up plan together, if we weren’t married by 40 we would get married. But for us is more of the wanting to hold the big wedding event and just never do the actual paperwork. We want the opportunity to wear a pretty dress and buy a pretty house

I think the last bit of this video is the best part, where you're really getting very real with everybody. You can't escape yourself no matter who you're with, so maybe try to find someone who wants to live the same way you want to, married or not. I feel (as a divorcee) that marriage is highly over rated and overly expensive, so anyone considering it should be very aware of the costs and consequences. If anything, a prenup agreement should always be made, no matter how much you love each other, and actually, if you truly love each other, doing a good, mutually beneficial prenup is a great show of love.

I had thought about a backup, but not in the way of friends. Unfortunately we had different ideas, he was romantically interested, I was more interested in companionship, yet we had a similar view on how our relationship would look, but different emotions behind them. Luckily I found someone since, and I proposed at home, as I knew he wanted to get married, but he was waiting on me to feel ready.

I know a marriage were none of them would have called their relationship a romantic one. They liked each other, shared the same goals for the future, respect and care. So they married because they said it is better to do support each other in their dreams. Both are very clear in saying they could spend their life without each other. They have a partnership of convenience. It works good for them because they have always been honest to each other about that.

My proposal was a surprise, but only the time and place. My (now) husband and I knew we were getting married for a solid year prior and had already made lots of plans. I highly recommend!!

This is definitely an important issue since so many people are waiting longer to get into long term relationships!! And yeah if they’re good enough to be your backup, why aren’t you just with them from the start? It’s important to be your own person and know yourself, I agree that being alone is so much better then being in a bad relationship.

Watching Friends has been my nightly therapy for the past 4 years (it started right after my daughter was born) and I still find the series so enjoyable and fun to binge watch!

I have a backup pact with my friend too... and I am single and happy... and really I hope that she will be married or at least in some kind of relationship in her 40s. :DDD

I thought you were going to go from Chandler proposed that idea of a backup to Monica when they were in the hospital to Monica proposing to Chandler, but any part of Friends is good to watch again

Joey and Phoebe had such great chemistry. You couldn't miss it.

Oh dear I'm glad i didn't agree to something like that when i was younger because it took me quite some time to realize that I actually prefer not to be in a relationship, thank you very much. Today i cringe even at imagining a housemate... I like to be around people for work, for hobbies and for an occasional night out, but that's about it!

My besties and I have a backup system in place! It's not the same, though. It's more like if we all outlive our spouses or are single at 70+, then we'll marry amongst ourselves more for financial reasons than anything. We would basically just be the Golden Girls but take advantage of the financial perks of marriage while we're at it lol.

I mean my best friend and I are our backups. We both have partners, but as you said, you never know what life will throw at you. And we're a backup not in the sense that we have underlying romantic feelings or desire for each other, and not tied to a specific age, but I imagine us kind of like the sismance. We would be living together, cooking and eating together, travelling around, sharing a creative hobby, having pets together - most things we've already done together multiple times but ya know. And if we feel like platonic marriage, why the heck not. Drunk-made out in the past a couple times so we could pull that off for a wedding aswell. :D My Partner is my Partner person, but she is my friend person. ♡

I dunno I think having a backup could be part of manifesting who you want to be. Someone to coparent with or share your life with who you trust and enjoy but who isn't necessarily your romantic match... that's controlling your destiny if I ever heard it. We do the best with what we have.

At 48 years old, I thought I'd be married with at least 3 kids by now. Part of me wishes I had found a "backup" for when I was 40. The only plan was to be with my best friend as two old maids together but she met someone and got married and now I'm still looking. I would want my backup to be like you recommend. I also recognize that it might not be a good thing as well. My sister married the first young man she ever kissed and dated and one day shared with me that she wondered if she "settled" just so she wouldn't be alone. I reminded her that most of the time (when he's helping out at home and a "good" husband) that she loves him and that's not settling.

Going to have to out this advice in my pocket for my sister going through a divorce . It happened suddenly and within a month we have her living with her bff but that can’t last . She recently applied for her own apt and it’ll be the first time she’s ever lived alone it’ll be so scary. But you’re right you so need to be comfortable with yourself

You're full of it, and it is good advice. I think there are pros and cons of the backup. It's probably not something that I would ever say, but if someone was interested in doing it was someone I wouldn't criticize them for it.

"Being alone is better than being with the wrong person." Wow. Yes. You yourself are the person you spend your whole life with. So we have to learn to accept ourselves and live with ourselves in harmony.

Great video. I hope you could do video like this about relationships and parenting styles in Modern Family.

Please do a video analysis on the relationships in gravity falls

Will you do The Teacher? That show is intense

Love these videos!!

I needed to hear that! for me It's the best advice! I spend so much time worrying when i could be doing so much more for myself. Thank you!!

A surprise proposal is awesome, a surprise marriage is awful.

5:10 totally agree! No surprises (well...major surprises when we were working to get married!)

Your advices are always helpful, thank you so much 💜. Greetings from Ecuador 😺

Wow, I just love how you analyse this stuff. I hope you could take a look at the series Leverage. There is the couple of Parker and Hardison who just seem so awkward but also sweet and Sophie and Nate. They both have quite a bit og depth and I would love to hear your opinion on them 😍

My partner and I have been together 17 years and people are baffled we aren't married. Even moreso when they learn it's something we've discussed and have intent to do but no immediate plans. There's all sorts of questions about the nature of our relationship; are we open, is one or both of us secretly gay, do we even love each other, etc. It's just not a priority to us. The "event" of a wedding and signing some paperwork just changes some details on the legal aspect of our relationship but it doesn't mean anything at all to the personal and social core of it. We know we're in it for the long run together, our friends and families know us as being in a life-long commitment, and we live our lives as functionally married (cohabitation, intimacy, finances, life goals, all that jazz). And really I think that's what it's about. It doesn't have to work this way for everyone, because marriage is just one way to be in a relationship, and there's room in the world for all types.

Womance- equivalent of bromance. Womance is the female bromance

About surprise proposals and stuff, spoiler warning but I love what happened in Bones. The main couple was living together and had a daughter together but still wanted to get married at some point. Since she was more ceptic than him about love, they agreed that she would be the one to pop the question when she felt ready and that's what happened. Later on, he's forced to say no to the proposal and can't tell her why. After a period of angst, they switch places and decide he'll pop the question when he's able to. Unrealistic plots aside, I really like that system: the more reluctant party having the ball on their court, making the final call.

My friends & I would love to build our own village. We’ve talked about it often. lol

An old friend and I were eachothers back up. I believe we said if we weren't married by 40. I am now 27 married, 6 years. He is in a committed relationship, 7 years. We did this pack at 16ish. He isn't someone I'd marry.

I would be okay with a backup if I had one. As I am 36 years old and single. I had relationships before but never found my one. I hope I will find her one day, but even if I won't it's okay. Maybe I wasn't meant to any girl, maybe she is not out there. I am losing faith that I will ever find the girl of my dreams. I thought I did and it wasn't good for me in neither of those relationships.

Please do Phoebe and her stories.. she doesn't talk to her twin sister, mother kil!ed herself, lived on the streets... There's a lot to talk about. Or maybe Chandler and his really problematic childhood.

I do have a backup as well, my friend and I agreed to move south and live together if we are still single by 40. But then, he is almost 40, we are both single and both of us bought apartments in our home towns and are so not moving away.

So I got married pretty young. I was 19 at the time. I had what seemed to be at the time a pretty good first year of marriage when I found out she was emailing this guy from back home. When I asked her about it she admitted that he was a back up guy that she was talking to just in case our marriage didn’t work out. And the way I interpreted that was that she didn’t have very good confidence that our marriage was going to last at all.

I know I'm a horrible person. A sad pathetic excuse of a human being, but I don't hate myself enough to be a backup plan. How can anyone stand to be the last option for someone you're willing to spend your life with? I couldn't. It's degrading, like you may be better than nothing but I hope I can find someone better before. It's so bad in so many levels...

Yeah,I like your advice

I’m in my 30s and unmarried working towards my career. I would give up my career in a heartbeat to be married with kids. I’m not sure who I could be a back up with. I think a back up could work but it would definitely have to be with the right person.

My bestie and I made this agreement in middle school. If were still single in our 30's or 40's we get married and are still allowed to look for other people id we so chose. We also decided to be one another's prom dates if we didn't have one. And the same day we made these promises we had a fake wedding in their grandma's pool and still have an anniversary a random night every summer Always has been and always will be my best friend and most important person to me

Jonathan please react to Monica and Richard's relationship. I'm curious if you think they could've made it work or if ending the relationship really was the best choice for them.

I know you sparsely do reactions based on music or songs but I really think you should check out an artist called NF, he’s focused around mental health and has some really deep and emotional songs- I’d recommend “How Could You Leave Us” along with anything from his discography- especially from his album “The Search”

Who is Jonathan’s little wink in the opening for?

Pleacee react to all too well taylor swift, that video has a lot for you to analize

Awesome video!

"Being alone is better than being with the wrong person, and if your backup is the right person, why are they your backup?"... I disagree, that's just a rhetoric based on the right/wrong binary. People aren't divided into "the right one" and "wrong people". Some people might be good companions even if they are not the right one, and this is why they are backups. I don't have a backup, but I see why for some people this might be a good thing.

I think the backup system works for some people but not for everyone. I personally wouldn’t like it because it would feel like an overshadowing thing over my life 😅

I had a slightly surprising proposal with my fiancè, we had talked about it but I proposed to him and he was rather surprised. I also have a soul sister back-up. If anything happens between my partner and myself, and my friend is single around the same time, she and I have agreed to try living together and maybe have a lavender marriage.

WO-Mance, to answer your question 😉

It's called a sister dance

“Female version of a bromance” = its just friendship 😂 female friendships are so emotionally supportive and platonically romantic

I have never heard about that concept of a backup wife/husband or those other backup options you mentioned. And I have never thought about something like that or wished for it. Is it maybe an US-american thing?

I’m nearly 40 never married but already have children so I guess my opinion would be much different if I didn’t. I wanted to marry their dad but it didn’t work out between us. I don’t have any friends who I think we would work out as a couple, my closest friend I get on well with but we are total opposites on a lot of things, she’s a morning person and she lets spiders crawl around her home if she finds them. Not bad things but I don’t think we would be happy living together. I suppose it depends on your friends and what you both want. I don’t feel like I should settle for any company i can get, I feel it’s even more important to find someone right as an example of healthy relationships to my children or to show them it’s ok to be single when that isn’t an option.

A female version of a bromance are Hersband and Myfe.

i have a backup, my male best friend. But i`m not sure i`ll be comfortable be with him 😅 i guess is something we have to discuss if the time come.

What if you have a backup and then they get married and you don't? That must be twice as sad, mustn't it?

I wouldn’t mind having a backup, but only if he is a close friend who actually cares about a) keeping the promise and b) won’t resent it. To be honest, I wanted Joey and Rachel to be together since they had more in common and cared about each other. No offense Phoebe/Joey stans, I get it. If Mike weren’t in the picture, maybe I would feel differently. I liked how Monica and Chandler were each other’s back up plans and got married. It shows their growth and close bond.

I'm 49 and single. I don't mind being single but sometimes I think I'd like a relationship. I definitely don't want a back up though. I do have a same sex friend that I'd be willing to be roomates with though. She's diabled and currently lives with her mom but if her mom passes I could see us living together to help each other out. Also I don't like surprise proposals. I was in a relationship with someone for 15 years. They proposed but we never married. Honestly I hated the ring he picked out for me and I felt put on the spot. I really wish we'd discussed the whole thing and picked out a ring together.

having kids with a backup is so damn selfish. you're only thinking of your desire to have kids,not about how it will affect the kid if you're with the wrong person. having kids is not a f-ing game.

Can you make episode about Tate and Violet AHS?

Im my best friends Backup Plan C 🙃

Lol i did this at like 15. Never came to anything

Can you please react to A League of their own the series?

having kids with a backup is so damn selfish. you're only thinking of your desire to have kids,not about how it will affect the kid if you're with the wrong person. having kids is not a f-ing game. when are people gonna start understanding this??

Marriage is about property and relatively clear lineage of the kids (because they'll get the property). Trying to make marriage about tingles and "true love" leads to a lot of short marriages..

Could you react to Greys anatomy? Season 6x23 and 6x24

Change the title to: "Therapist reacts to Rachel & Ross Breakup-Friends" and your video with do better

Hasbin hotel

Sismance just sounds like cis man 😂

Please react to teotfw please please please

I know it's a sitcom so things are exaggerated but I never found the "Friends" likeable. They're all bad people to varying degrees. Ross and Phoebe being the absolute worst examples among them.

A womance. 😂