Good morning, Ash. I'm having my morning coffee and we'll be heading to work all before watching your video. I went to a family member's funeral and they wanted people to wear purple. Because it was their favourite colour.
I am a lawyer and I love to wear a 3 pieces suit with a white shirt and tie (sometimes red) I find this makes my clients feel like they are taken seriously ; love your channel mate ! I lived in the UK 20 years ago. British people are amazing. I do find it sad to see British people a minority in London; not racism at all, I love multiculturalism, but when the host population is outnumbered we are taking it too far. I would hate to find all culture except Japanese in Tokyo … or a minority of Japanese in Tokyo…. And Japan had a long Imperial history ask the Chinese and Korean !
I actually bought a used black suit just for funerals. I fortunately haven't found much use for it, but such is being 23. My thoughts on funeral attire: - Cufflinks, pocket squares, and boutonnieres are actually good choices for a funeral in solid colors. The cufflinks should be solid gold or silver, maybe with black or white. The pocket square - plain white. A white boutonniere is a respectful touch to a funeral suit. These are all touches of formality rather than flamboyance, and they show you care about your appearance at this event. - A black bowler or homburg are good choices, and a boater can work in the summer; however, these are purely for entering and exiting the funeral. Once at the procession, remove your hat. - The wearing black for twelve months rule is long gone for most cultures. People won't get what you're going for. You'll just be the guy in black. A black armband, meanwhile, is a much better substitute. I wore one after Queen Elizabeth died, despite being American.
I concur with most of your points but I'd (and have) chosen exclusively silver or silver/black cufflinks, because I feel it's essentially a "monochromatic" event which fits the starkest of contrasts (life and death) this is about- but maybe this is the hereditary Prussian in me😉. And a mention about choosing the boater (I'm aware that *you* know this moderndandy) in summer or hot places: choose a black hat band ( *not* optional)! And I forgot to mention the armbands - my remaining family and I tend to wear them at every funeral and it's the one gesture that can not be misunderstood. Clearly one of the best choices you can make in these cases *because* it avoids, as you said, being "[...] the guy in black". Because this can and *will* be misconstrued, especially if you're a younger gent, as you just failing at being "cool". Best regards Raoul G. Kunz
Good video. One social event none of us will miss unfortunately. Have one coming up in the first week of May. Interesting to hear from Rob about the Gypsy tradition and thanks to him for kicking off an important topic. I'm sure I remember being told in some parts of the world white is the colour associated with death/funerals. I intend to wear dark grey and black jacket and trousers, white shirt black tie and black capped toe oxfords to my sister-in-law's dad's farewell. Standard-fare really.
Thoughtful and pragmatic for a Saturday morning Ash. And this afternoon brings news of the sad passing of the legendary raconteur and comedian, Barry Humphries. He lived life large across our screens. Sad times. I dare say his "send off" will be colourful affair. 🫡
The Victorian age tends to be one of subdued conservative colors. The Georgian period before that was actually much more flamboyant and colorful. I have always wondered why the change though I assume Beau Brummel would have an interesting view on the topic. I also note that in Asia white is often a traditional color of mourning.
I also know that in Islam white is the color of death. In old Egypt mummies were wrapped in white linen. I guess it's the conception of death. In the western world it's most likely tragedy, the end, loss, etc while in the cultures or religions a new beginning, or cleansing etc. I need to make a research about it.
From my experience I'd say people are actually *less* aware of their mortality because we, as a western society, prefer denial of our own end - "death is something that happens to others". Personally I've had much experience with death (granted, this involves my own by the edge of a knife) and also of the disturbing lack of preparedness both for dealing with death and in planing and thinking about their own demise that many display. On my own father's funeral I was only 16 and thus went with the black two-piece suit I had for "formal stuff". The standout here was my mother who entirely atypical for her normal poppy modern attire (she wore a multi-colour polka dot dress for her own wedding😆) wore a very simple black dress with a black veil. On recent funerals of older relatives I mostly wore black-three-piece or charcoal double breasted suits. Black ties (yes ties, I mostly wear cravats, but these weren't the times to make a point) and simple white shirt and plain white pocket square (remember that white is the *other* "colour" of mourning, cue white flowers), when it was cold a black wool overcoat, in recent years a black cane (🙄not a choice) and of course the black bowler or a black homburg, the reason for this will be obvious. My sister and my mother have both taken to the black veil on a funeral but this is not so much for the extra vintage expression (that's normally more me) but because they both are build fairly close to the water (to use a German expression) and don't like being too obviously weeping, especially if it's not a super close relative. But then, most of them where in *Bad Homburg* and that's one of the rare places in Germany where the funeral personnel *will* wear black morning coats, white gloves and black hats. And while I'm not going to blast anyone for wearing things like black jeans and a black dress shirt and nothing else on a funeral I still feel it's exceedingly disrespectful, especially because I *know* the people in question and I regard this as just lazy unpreparedness because I *know* they really are not exactly lacking the funds to afford at least a black two-pice, especially given that the inappropriate blacks also display *expensive labels* (can you get more superficial?!)... I may be petty here but I feel that this should be the least level of respect you pay if you can *easily* afford it. Doubly so if it's the funeral of very traditional older ladies. As for my own funeral I'd say (and that's rather atypical for me but it's in my will. And yes, I have a Last Will and I've had one, periodically updated, ever since I was 23 and external factors almost ended my life right there) let the people who manage the whole affair decide on dress-code - *I will not involved anyway* . And have some ironic music to lighten the mood - my father had this done and it actually works a charm in the situation. Best regards Raoul G. Kunz
I recently attended the funeral of a lady who requested a purple funeral. It was the first time that I had attended a colour themed funeral and I wore a dark purple tie with my usual funeral attire. Purple turned out to be a good choice and very appropriate for mourning this extroverted lady.
Unfortunately I only had a white pants to wear to my uncle's funeral. I almost missed the funeral because I didn't have black attire but I didn't want to disappoint the family so I went with my white linen pants.
Very interesting, but you forgot Maria Theresia, she wore also only black dresses after Franz Stephan death in 1765. Thus the tradition starts rd. 100 years earlier
I've tried _"How to mirror shine shoes (Bulling)"_ videos, and it doesn't seem to work, is it the shoes (caked on polish or too much _(Kiwi)_ polish)? Or the quality of the leather? All I want is this pair of shoes *Black Capped Oxford's* to shine like a mirror. I've watched you video of cheap shoes and made them shine like a mirror!
The bowler hat is an interesting choice of hat to wear. Popular in the late 19th and early 20th century, the popularity of the bowler declined markedly in the 1970's to the point that wearing one in 2023 would seem very old fashioned and out of date. I've worked in the City since the 80's and in that time have only seen a handful of gentlemen wear a bowler hat. The only people in the UK that seem to wear them these days are Orange Order marchers.
I think the inability to afford albeit a black or dark suit is still a major issue today. We easily take the view that dressing has become very casual today. I think that much of this is directly related to an inability to afford these clothes. People are a lot more harder up, than we realize. Great topic. Bravo
Bob - if I may be so bold - please see above (or below, wherever it shows). There are options - the full three piece, cut in Merino wool, is not necessary (if extremely comfortable); a bit of polyester comes into its own on these occasions: just don't have the trousers so tight that your trousers cause static electricity to sting you unpleasantly; unless of course you like that sort of thing as a diversion from the dank-sided grave....
I always have a black suit ,a couple of white shirts & black ties . As I have aged ,I now find myself increasingly attending funerals & less weddings ,& Christenings . My latest black suit has proven good value for money ,as it’s served me well for about 5 funerals ,I am a traditionalist when it comes to funerals & formal occasions . I was once shocked at one funeral to witness a shower of scruffy Herbert’s attired in ripped jeans ,dirty boots & donkey jackets in attendance . I was informed they were my long lost nephews .I said they are certainly no nephews of mine . The whole experience necessitated me needing to reach for a good stiff single malt from my hip flask as a tightener . Standards have certainly dropped ,since we slackened our grip on the old Empire. 🧐👍
After you hit 50 death is the most prevalent thing you will be confronted with. So buying a good black suit would be a very good and useful thing. I, at 56,only have one sister left all other family members gone. Many in-laws gone, many friends gone, many co-workers gone, many acquaintances gone and of course many people we knew through life from prominent to royals, to movie and TV Stars and on and on gone. When I go to the cemetary to pay respect at my parents grave one can see at least 50 new graves being added. One wonders how come there are 8 billion people in this world today. BTW my mother mentionned while stile alive she didn't want anyone to wear black at her funeral. My sister and I wore Medium gray for her and mtself dark blue. We respected her will.
Until the end of the 20th century, white shirt with black tie, black suit, or black jacket with morning dress trousers, and black everything else was standard attire at funerals. At my age, funerals have become much more common than weddings, and bright clothing has been specified at every one I've attended within the last 20 years. I still have my traditional funeral togs at the back of the wardrobe, but I may never need them again.
I personally think no watch. Like when wearing a tuxedo it's maybe a bad manner to glimpse at your watch in such an occasion showing you are in a hurry to go away for something more important. In this case it would be like you are forced to pay respects to a departed one when you have better things to do. The mourners might be offended.
Both for the reason viclucyzia mentioned but also for it's on-the-nose implications (and trust me in extremis, which a funeral *is* usually one of the later stages, people sometimes notice and draw conclusions from seemingly petty little things) I usually wear *no* watch. But even if worn *do not* even look in it's direction. Best regards Raoul G. Kunz
Well - I have three black suits: one IS very old. And a black Homburg. And a black overcoat. Don't have a bowler. But - while it's the more elderly among us who wear a totally black outfit at funerals, I still think it appropriate - that is, respectful. I certainly agree that a funeral isn't a fashion-show - I'll wear black, but without any ostentatious touches. Because I was an official of a political party, and also a company director who occasionally had to attend the funerals of colleagues and employees, I have been to a lot of funerals - I hope the favour will be returned one day: one day long, long away. I'm not among those who think that 'wear something colurful and celebrate my life' is actually of any help at all: a memorial service might be the time to celebrate the life; a funeral is a farewell; I don't want to make that farewell in scarlet loon pants (not that I have any) ... I grant that would be a touch extreme. Invited to attend such a funeral, I wore my party's tie, a sombre jacket, and a rather fetching lilac shirt which toned with the tie; but the trouble with that was that I felt I WAS dressing up - suddenly, it was about my tailoring choices: and a funeral isn't about 'ME'; black, for me, is about the deceased and respect for their family's loss; it IS a time for grief, and I fear that trying to anaesthetize that grief smothers the instinct to mourn; makes it everyday, not very important, just an occasion to attend and on to the wake. But it isn't - it just isn't; people need to have the opportunity to mourn, shed tears, feel the loss - it makes it that much easier, not that it ever is easy, to come to terms with it. As for the cost, as raised by Bob Whyte - clothes are always expensive, but quite frankly you can buy a perfectly acceptable black suit from Matalan or Burtons, and a black raincoat to go with it, which will be perfectly acceptable. Otherwise, a black blazer, grey trousers, and black tie will do just as well. There's no need to go full Victorian undertaker, with top hat, striped trousers, and tail-coat. Length of mourning - Romanys have their traditions which I respect, but even when I lost my mum I didn't dress in full mourning for days after her funeral: she'd have thought that absurd (with all respect) - I can imagine her saying now, 'Who are YOU trying to impress?' In valediction - that's a very beautiful overcoat you're wearing: it's time I bought a new one.
Dyeing is dying? har har. Um, but in Hamlet the mutter tells him "throw of thy nighted color", implying that black was already common for mourning pre-Victoria by a smidge. I don't know how much Prince Albert woulda have affected things here, or even Abe Lincoln a couple years later, but black was already a default color for menswear by this time as far as I know. And I just saw some other vid where wearing purple could be a death sentence in old Roman Empire or some Euro kingdoms after that. I forget which already. ALSO, what's the trend here on this side the "pond" for over a decade already is "celebration" of life and wearing dark color can make one the Black Sheep indeed. I never got around to making quips from previous vid, so don't know if you ended up with boy named Sue or if Dorothy was some fave character for the Better Half... "Keeping up with Joneses" is still a common phrase here, but Smith and Miller are the more common surnames, so perhaps I can go with Utah Miller or Nebraska Smith?
Om my God I have to learn a lot, I grown up in Europe and live for over forty years in Canada. Myself I got more practical in my wardrobe. An more conservative value suit and tie, bowtie people look at you and you really standing out. Going back to Europe on an vacation, everything is back to suit and tie,blue jeans are there more acceptable then early days. What is your opinion sir.
