I’m gay and a lot older than you. My generation was told repeatedly that being gay could only lead to loneliness. But I carved out my own path and came to understand that not being immersed in people and noise isn’t loneliness, it is clarity and tranquility. Learning to love my own company has been an incredible turning point and, as importantly, getting rid of needy, toxic people who are more interested in acquisition and superficiality than they are in creativity and depth. Expecting the gay “community” to have shared values is a mistake. Sexual orientation may seem like a reliable basis for bonding with others but it’s not. My advice to younger gay men is find your tribe on the basis of shared values and don’t feel like you’ve fallen short if that tribe is small in number. Social media seems to accentuate feelings of inadequacy and loneliness in young men (gay and straight) rather than alleviate them. For me, it’s been important to learn to love solitude … not to see it as a failure but as a source of contentment.
This two word are synonymous. English is not my first language. I hate who gives different meaning or point of view of the same words or 2 similar word. Is a bad game that teachers like to do with kids, but really unproductive. Facts are not word. I understand the meaning of communicate, but why do not use more words. I'm starting to put entire books in one single word, for once listen! Be gay is not specism, but nobody want responsabilities. How can not be solitude and loneliness?
@@eduardochavacanothat's what happens when all you care about is what someone looks like and not who they are. That's why I went with just staying celebate, I've hooked up enough and now it's more trouble than it's worth
I'm so lonely. Alone for a decade. Nobody notices my existence. Even my parents. Complete absence. No calls, no textbacks, no invites. I let myself suffer from depression but still got nothing after a lot of effort, trying to reach someone, it's just nothing. And I just turned 30. My 20s gone with nothing and I have no desire to gain my life back because of lack emotional & financial support. Most people dont understand this. I didn't came into this world to survive. Yes I'm starving but I'm not a warrior. I can't fight back all the pressures coming from life and people. Yes. I'm alone. Wish it was easier...
I'm sure you're not "invisible"! You're important to yourself and to people close to you, no matter if it's one or two persons! And, yes, I can "feel" you, and "see"you, and feel "close" to you!
I am sorry you are experiencing life in the way you describe. Look for friends who have similar interests and hobbies. Get out and don't isolate. I suffer from depression and loneliness at times. I maintain a relationship with my parents and brother. Mind you they live quite far from me, so our contacts are via mobile. Yet, I do have a few friends who I consider family and this helps stave the loneliness. Being in relationship is nice, but not the panacea for life. A romantic relationship is certainly nice, but they take a lot of work--dedication, compromise and finding common pursuits to work toward as a couple. I've been single for a number of years. I'm certainly open to a relationship, but being in one will no longer define me. Being in relationship will not complete you or make you feel whole. Only you can make yourself feel whole. I hope these words help, my friend.
I had companionship for 14 years with my husband but now he's a shell of what he wants was and now I feel utterly alone. It just shows the universe can give and take away in the same breath. Way to feel alone and wish and long for company love and affection..
I can't quite understand why so many comments say that being alone is good. Yes, all the sayings mentioned there are true. But he is a young man who wants to be loved. Who wants to be held, he wants to discover the world with someone. He wants to give love, he wants to put a smile on a man's face when they see each other. The fact that he makes a video like this shows that he is already settled, but it is also a desire for a life partner. I wish that he wakes up next to a great man in the morning, that he is woken up with a kiss and a smile, that he finds someone he can cuddle with, that he finds someone who spoils him with attention, that he can confide his worries and problems to a man at his side and that they can solve them together. I have had one relationship in my life that worked well - unfortunately with a woman. Unfortunately, relationships with men have never lasted long. I have just been living alone for years and I'm coping well with it, but I also have moments of loneliness.
Most of the people you read saying being alone is good are lying, they would do anything to find their other half, but it's a way to resign themselves and prefer to pretend they are alright alone, but deep inside them they aren't.
@@SeventhheavenDKPlease be open minded enough to know that you may be wrong in your opinion. People are different, have different needs. Maybe you’re just young.
I've been searching for 43 years for my special Angel but to no avail. Im an asexual, hopeless homo romantic gay man who is only interested in men from the waist up. Being asexual means that I have no sexual desires. I'm getting fed up with being so alone. I'm getting to the point where I feel that I will become the male equivalent of a spinster. People always tell me that there is someone out there for everyone, so where is my life partner hiding.😢
"You can been around people all the time and still be alone" That's my life, having never been in a relationship and living alone, the only person I rely on is myself , now I am older I find it is ok to be like this, would it be good to have someone there for me, someone to come home to? Absolutely! but at the end of the day, I have accepted this is my life and I am good with that, Tommy this is such a beautiful video, thank you!
I agree that you have touched on a subject that is very common wtih every gay man I have ever known including myself. When I first moved to Colorado and was trying to understand my gay feelings, I found a plaque with the following saying, "If a man does not keep pace with his companions perhaps it is because he hears the sound of a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears however measured or far away." I bought that plaque, framed it and it has hung in my living room for over 40 years now. For whatever reason, those words touched me deeply and finally set me on my path to accepting that I was gay which was my "different drummer". Although it did not entirely heal the loneliness I was experiencing, at least it helped me understand it better. Within just a few months of reading these words, I was finally brave enough to come out as gay and start a whole new wonderful path in my life and I have NEVER regretted it. Stay strong and know we are there with you and supporting you! 🏳🌈❤🧡💛💚💙💜🏳🌈
@@dr.baotran8448 hello I'm here no need to be lonely now I'm Raphael de Los Angeles from the Philippines ❤️❤️❤️ lovelots stay happy and positive in life
Thank you for this. I'm 61, and I came out at a young age. I came to realize a lot of what you've said many years ago. You're a beautiful person inside and out.
People forget how hard it is to find a partner with all the obstacles .. the rarity of a compatible partner is the reason for loneliness.. when 1 in 10,000 might be compatible and having the possible partners spread across the country .. finding him is difficult
What obstacles ? Rarity of a compatible partner? Nonsense. Stop trying so hard, let nature take its course. Your partner is out there and no doubt you passed him up any number of times in your attempts to find him. If it is meant to be…you two will find each other when you least expect it…and not on YOUR terms or your time. I literally stumbled upon my partner and soulmate by chance at a place I would not normally frequent . I wasn’t out looking for sure…but it happened. Relationships are a up and down situation and a growing situation. If you run after the first fight or argument…you’re not serious about a relationship. If he’s the one,you’ll know it and you’ll fight to keep him. We were two months from our 45th year together when my partner died very recently,there will be no other. You can’t go out and find love….it will find you. Stop trying so hard.
So, true. Living in a small town doesn't help either. I've always wanted to fall in love, but it's sad how quickly that fades into a dream. One that feels unreliable. I don't want to give up hope, but how long should I hold onto that hope?
Especially when "gay culture" puts so much emphasis on looks and the perfect body (cause someone is always making money out of people's insecurities)... My experience in the gay world is that the majority of guys won't make the effort to really get to know each other, as there's probably someone better waiting for them around the corner. Yeah: "so many men, so little time".... 😂
The key is in the video. You have to be happy within yourself. After you have achieved that you will realise there are many many more compatible people than you realised.
In many ways when we are alone we must confront ourselves, learn about ourselves and be with our most authentic self. In this way our aloneness can sometimes be sacrosanct.
@@WoodlandAsh yes, when one's youth fades (usually around 26,) the gay is often abandoned for the next twink in the meat market. For those who have not developed their skills as a person tend to be stunted and become jaded and bitter as they have been kicked to the gutter). This is why I recommend that the gays try to go to university and have a career rather than spend all their time on Grindr and in mall bathrooms
Lonliness and being alone (they're not the same) are things I have had to deal with all my life. I've felt lonely in a room full of people.For me, discovering and accepting myselfwas the key to overcoming this problem. That was the best thing about Covid for me. Thank you for being brave enough to talk about this.
TODO LO QUE SE DIJO ES VERDAD, ...existimos muchos SOLOS, pero no amargados, pero como NO ENCONTRARE, mi medio naranjo, SERE SOLTERON, pero me dedico a meditar y conversar con NUESTRO SEÑOR, el tambken fue SOLO, pero nunca dejo de AMAR, y yo lo AMO A EL, y con eso soy FELIZ, pero no niego que el colectivo LGTB, no es mi partido y el mundo para mi, es complicado....pero....😮😮😮😮❤❤❤❤❤😮😮😮😮❤❤❤
Hugs! As a rather older gay guy, I can only offer my own experiences...and they're pretty messed up. I have always had more support, friendship and love from my straight friends that I ever have from gay people. The alleged "gay community" often (usually) isn't. It's tribal, petty, hateful, judgemental, cliquish and competitive...none of which is helpful, accepting or affirming. As loving and caring as my straight friends are, they'll never really understand the trials and tribulations I experience. And they'll be the first to admit it. They are supportive, sympathetic and will knock each other over to be the one to lend an ear. But they don't understand. And bluntly, sex is a big part of the problem. Gay men look at other gay men first as a sex object. Are they attractive enough? But not too attractive so that they might interfere with your bar experiences and hookups. Personality, character, and bluntly, utility are not even first order considerations. And for as allegedly "accepting" as the gay world is supposed to be, it is overrun with -isms. Ageism, racism, sexism, and on and on. Mostly it is covered up with the socially acceptable "preference" but it is such a impenetrable barrier that it's far more than just preference, and is used to justify horrible behavior towards others. So...I am lonely. COVID has worsened that for everyone. We have sort of lost our ability to interact, make small talk, and connect with others. For me, that has been something of a mixed blessing. I work in healthcare and it is awful. People broadly as just difficult to deal with. It's all me me me! God forbid for one second that you get something I didn't! And to make the point, I'm just going to scream...out loud, by text or social media and vomit just how badly I think I've been treated! I have made a lot of peace with myself by camping in the woods in a tent. Away from people. It's quiet and calms my soul. I can reflect and think. I can listen to the music of the moment and relax. I don't have to deal with the rudeness, incivility and hate of others. And I'm pretty ok with it. I grew up in a very different time as a very closeted gay man. I still am rather offended when my sexual preferences are the topic of conversation among people I don't care to have that level intimacy with. But i increasingly also don't especially care what others think either. I'm not out to offend anyone and sometimes the best way to avoid offending and avoid being offended is to just not be there. It's often much easier.
Thank you for speaking the quiet truth out loud. As a 42 year old gay man in Chicago circa 2000 -2002 involved with a much younger man (20), for the first time in my life I was exposed to the “gay community” in a large , urban setting. I was shocked at all the -isms. The Hispanics who couldn’t stand the blacks, the blacks who couldn’t stand the whites and the Asians who couldn’t stand anyone! It was eye-opening, and disappointing. I was in that relationship in Chicago for 2 years and it helped me to understand: hey ! none of us are perfect; there is good and bad in everyone. And the best we can do with our lives is to be patient and kind to everyone and to avoid negative, critical people as much as possible.
This comment is FACTS! I mean I never personally have received certain discrimination in the LGBTQ community but everyone has heard of it to some extent. Like NO ASIANS! Hasn’t everyone seen that one? They don’t even try to hide it or be friendly about it. I totally understand your point. I also work in healthcare. What department do you work in? I work in the operating room and the people can be super toxic at times! I’ve had horrible jobs but now I have a great one but my old terrible OR jobs definitely did not help my mental health when I was very new to coming out ❤️
Bullseye. 🎯 As an older gay man also, I can relate to every word you stated. I don’t know where I fit in and that’s fine. I’ve always been lonely even forty, fifty years ago and never really felt comfortable with my own “community”. We were cast down from the culture, religious factors that impact our own family networks where many of us weren’t accepted. A lot of other people don’t understand this. I had an eight year relationship with a man and he’s with another now for fifteen years. It’s left me ruminating and mistrustful to get involved with someone new. I’m not young anymore and your comment about a post Covid world affecting social interactions at large is very true. Something has changed and it’s most unfortunate.
This is absolutely spot on as if I had said it myself. I've been out since college and even then I didn't believe the gay "community" was a real thing. There were/are still so many divisions. I've experienced the "-isms" first hand because I'm Filipino. I've been lucky to have 3 relationships in my life but I went through many rejections, rudeness, and outright "-isms" cloaked as "preference", to get there. To me, nothing much has changed in this "community" other than how we find each other. Now, it's even more impersonal...swiping on a screen, looking at stats, photos of the merchandise and deciding if there'll be a transaction as if we're shopping for a Ken doll. If you don't fit the white, young, fit male, your odds immediately drop quite a bit. These apps have made us more connected and disconnected at the same time. As an only child, I'm comfortable with quiet solitutde but sometimes it's replaced by a true loneliness and wondering "is this it for my life?"....
I am 73 years young, a Vietnam vet, served with the Navy, and later in the Army, been married to women several times and divorced, after decades of denial of my own sexuality, but have finally accepted myself, and appreciate my own journey of self-discovery. One thing I've learned along the way is to love yourself, and not to seek love from others without having love within your heart to share with others. I love people, men and women, nature, and this living world we are blessed to call 'home'.
Same. I am 61 ..... still lonely. However, solitude and loneliness are better than being with someone wrong. It is surprising how much you can enjoy your own company. You always get to do things you like versus gbing along because you feel like you have too or should.
I was an only child and don't mind being alone. As a matter of fact I prefer it. In the movie Looking for Mr. Goodbar Diane Keaton's character was accused of being lonely she screamed-Alone not lonely.
I was super popular all throughout school and then I was briefly social media famous during the myspace days which gave me thousands upon thousands of friends in Florida's nightlife scene. I quit everything in 2010, deleted all social media, severed all dies to my past and have been isolated ever since. I like being alone! Being alone is amazing. Especially when you have introspective hobbies.
Facebook, RU-vid, Twitter, Instagram and whatever else is "in" does not bring true relationships. I took 6 months away from social media and discovered that I have very few people who care for me, but it put my life in perspective and I have decided to do some thing that makes me happy and nothing like my plans when I was working on my career path for 15 years
I have a dear friend with high functioning autism. For whatever reasons, he isn't intersted in dating anyone. We often go on vacation together, and out to eat. I couldn't ask for a better friend. He used to be very shy and withdrawn, never interacting with strangers at all. What has really helped him, more than anything, was getting a job at a liquor store where he has to interact with customers all the time. He sees that there are all kinds of people, and everyone is unique. It has really helped him to embrace himself.
@texasguysanantonio8295 I can relate. Working with others saved me. Being in the arts saved me (dancer) A liquor store would be a hot potato for me as I'm an alkie lol
Damn, I’m almost in tears. You’re expressing what I haven’t fully been able to develop yet in my mind. I remember as a kid seeing a Peanuts comic strip in b/w in the daily newspaper. Normally they were 3 panel cartoons, but this was only 1. Linus was in a crowd of people & simply said “I’m lonely.” I couldn’t understand the meaning those many decades ago, but this 54 year old understands it know. Thank you Thomas for putting it such a tender & beautiful way. The videos of yours that I’ve seen always show you alone. If that’s still the case, I hope that someday soon someone will come along that will be able to walk beside you.❤
Thank you. This video calms me. As a 57 yo, widowed gay man after 23 years together, these past 14 months of relearning myself as an individual has been a difficult one. I have become reacquainted with the lonely kid I was at 13 and through my early adulthood. Only now have I started to be comfortable with being alone and always a little lonely.
Don't worry he always looking up u in heaven ..Your both amazing for loving each other unconditionally.I wish I had I'm really wanted to beloved and too served. Someone.
Ruufus, I am in a similar situation. My husband died last year and that was the most horrible thing ever. PTSD moved in and I was kicked out of our house. Luckily I have couple of friends who helped me and I am regaining my balance.
I am a Gay man widow, after COVID life changed beyond anything I could ever expect. COVID to my husband of nine years and all my core friends. Shortly after my husband's death, my Father passed from lung cancer. I moved in with my parents to help them through this and was expecting to restart my life. Unfortunately, after Dads passing Mom had a serious life threatening advers affect from the COVID shot. So once again I have placed my life on hold to care for her 24/7, being she is bed ridden. I really have no friends to speak of, my little brother and I are well not close by any means and think he is ashamed of who I am and has been for the longest time. I have taken to being by myself socially for the last four years. I have two dogs that keep me busy and afford me tons of affection, but I would like a friend to go to lunch with being I am not looking for any relationship at this stage of my life. You are a very handsome young man and life always has twists that you will never see coming. Love is one of those things, it always come when you are least looking for it. Be happy in yourself as you mentioned in your video and life will reward you beyond measure! Hugs buddy, just be you!
Are there any community or volunteer groups in your area that you can go to? It's surprising the friends you can find in the places you might least expect them. If you lived on my side of the globe I'd have lunch with you, but you're probably not so all I can give you is my thoughts and best wishes.
I lost my husband of 54 years to cancer. Being a gay man you experience a new type of grief as we as a group are not supported by the heterosexual society. It’s been 5 months and the pain is still unbearable
Your story is like telling me my life, most true some just different somewhat, but, here I am … understanding being alone and being lonely … but, I am still older than you, but life happens and takes us on a journeys we would never expect and the results at the end basically is to same, just relax, love Your Mom like I do, take good care of her, always, life probably has something more to possibly show us … it would be great to meet you, I am in San Diego, California, USA 🇺🇸 where are you from?? Take care and God Bless You, you are a beautiful loving men❤🎉😊❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤🎉😊
@@cnapier67 hello from the Philippines ❤️ want to visit our beautiful country for a different outlook and environment .you will love it and it will be your second home I'm Raphael de Los Angeles from my loving country the Philippines ❤️❤️❤️ make it count and you will experience a different kind of life you have been missing for a very long time...
Wonderful message. Im gay and lonely as well. A big part of my loneliness was because I was raised in a religious mindset. My mom was a Southern Baptist and my dad (who was living separate from my mom) was a Jehovah Witness. I grew up exploring both religions all the while openly telling my mom and dad that I was struggling with homosexuality. For years I'd tell them that until one day I just told them Im gay and I can't change it. Now, many years later, no boyfriend and very lonely. I find myself laying in bed at night before I fall asleep saying "I love you" to no one at all, just because it feels good to say it.
Yeah I used to do that too, just say I love you and wish I had someone to say it to. Then I finally had my first relationship in my mid 20s with a guy a bit older. It was toxic and abusive for years. Because I needed to be able to say I love you to someone. Be careful what you wish for because it can show up like that too.
@@AmbrociousXP not necessarily, especially if you are open to age differences, keep yourself in shape and are financially stable. Some people are meant to be alone though, I realized I was one of those after the one attempt I had at a relationship that went on for nearly 7 years. I needed to experience it and because of that, I chose unwisely. It's a lot more likely to be good for you if you don't need it for your life because your life is already good enough, rather than thinking your life would only be great with someone else
@@BigBadJerryRogers I have only ever had 2 short lived relationships which both lasted for less than a month each. I've never know what it's like to be loved or to be able to love. I've been just fine being alone for all this time but I always thought one day I'd find someone. I don't want to be alone forever. People die without love eventually. I want to love someone.
The longer your alone the harder it is to be with that someone special.... because you knowingly or unknowingly have your own space and make that space your own the longer you are alone. To go from single middle aged to having a full on life partner is going to be fought with problems that are just not there when you are both younger. There is the fact that having a partner to share life's moments makes them all the more special, and something you can both reminisce about together getting double the enjoyment to experiences on your own.... but everything is a trade off but that does not stop be being jealous of some of the wonderful gay couples who enrich each others existence with happiness! .
My GOD Mr. May! This is one of the most intense, heart-felt videos I have ever seen. So incredibly insightful. So genuine. And such a gift to younger or Teens just facing their sexual reality. AND even to Seniors like me! In the beauty of this remarkable 8 minute video, that is masterfully choreographed I will add, your words spoken give hope to those who struggle in their loneliness or search for self. You are a gift for the souls of many and looking at 87.3K subscribers; I am clearly not the only one who gets the message. Thank you.
@@cassey3063 Does it matter where this Gentleman makes his living? I got the message and my thoughts stand. Your bitterness and resentment are showing. Relax.
@@christopheranderson7649 Well, I went through 30+ years in the UK Police when such a 'lifestyle' was absolutely taboo. I was told I would never get promoted whilst I had a hole in my arse - which fortunately I still have - and I never was, and the bosses tried every trick in the book to get rid of me - but failed. Their attempts would be actionable nowadays. I stuck it out and now am living on a very comfortable pension - thank you. BUT, I made many good and true friends in the police who stuck - and still stick - by me........ but none of the bosses.
So beautiful and profound. Tommy, your message speaks to so many. I'm so happy for you that you love nature. And so happy for this positive message of hope for those who are lonely. ❤
Alone, widowed, very lonely, no family left, all friends either married or dating & no longer have a place for me in their lives. I haven't hung out with other gays in years. I have chronic pain as well and it has had a huge effect on my vitality, I have always been out but now I feel like I'm a stranger with my own kind. I have come to want release from this life, no wont off myself, but am just tired of being alone. For me loneliness will always be a sad thing, a personal purgatory that hasn't the slightest benefit to my existence.
@@TalShiar69 hello from the Philippines I don't know what you have a chronic pain ..there's no such no man is an island ..I'm here now if you like I'm Raphael de Los Angeles from the Philippines ❤️ enjoy life while you still have the time ...if virility is being hampered there are other ways to make your sex life active but be sure to be safe at all times
Your story was quite touching I'm a gay senior with a partner 36 years but pleasantly tolerate each other and loneliness creeps in on occasion moving from California to Idaho away from those few family left doesn't help. Sometimes would just like to have a friend to share life's stories with rather than having too much time to think about medical issues that never seem to leave me alone. Take care of yourself, Tommy
I can relate to you far too well on all your comments. How about "I won't give up, you don't give up"(?). These journeys we are on may not be what we saw coming, but life is still precious, and there is so much for us to experience and enjoy while we're here... even if we're limited. Peace Brother.
There's a deep seated loneliness in every gay man . I think it comes from never truly being ourselves for so many years we separate ourselves to avoid being rejected and hurt .
It's also fuelled by "gay culture" itself, putting a lot of emphasis on youth, physical perfection and the promotion of promiscuity. Why go to a library when you can go to the gym? Remember, there's a lot of money to be made out of people's insecurities.
Is it "deep seated" or "deep seeded"? Maybe lonliness grows from seeds: seeds of hate, intolerance, other-ness that society at large cultivates. It is there we learn to hurt from being shamed, rejected, abused and otherized by the straight culture. It was so terrible in the past, and even now is not at all ideal in the real, still sis-gender controled world. I let my anger about this energize me to be out there realizing my real self in all that I do. I am through with shame and guilt and feelings of inferiority and keeping secrets!!!! I embrace being alone at cetain times, but I am seldom feeling lonely because I work to remain connected, mostly to others who feel the pride I feel at cultivating my own version of the good life.
@@user-io1sw5kk9q Its 'deep seated' - thank you for your brilliant comment. For me, reading, seeing mainstream movies of people like me, seeing an openly gay man run for president and had a successful campaign (Pete Buttigieg) and self-consiousness have taken away that shame. Grateful to be born in this generation (not perfect yet) but way better for our community to feel alive and free. Grateful to the older generation who fought hard for us all.
None of us are ever alone -- we have angels, spirit guides, and beloved family members/ancestors with us at all times, yet unseen. Animals also make great companions -- pets have souls just like we do. Being gay is a gift -- it helps us to learn more about ourselves and strengthens us from within. There are many wonderful gay communities -- I am a part of the Gay Men's Chorus of Washington DC which is like a large family and caused me to make many friends I would not have had otherwise. Gay religious groups like Dignity also help us to make friends with others. Divine Source loves each of us unconditionally and does not judge any of us for being gay -- only some human beings do that. We are all sparks of Divine Source and are all one and will return to that Oneness when we cross back over to the Other Side when our purpose here is completed.
Good advice when you said, 'Take time to know who you are.' Sometimes people never figure that out. I am 63 YO, was married after high school (relationship lasted 9 years), followed by a male partner (which lasted almost a decade). But after terminating that relationship, I never found another partner (though I had crushes on several men and 1 woman). Luckily for me, I was okay never finding another person. After having had 2 terrific long-term relationships, I consider myself lucky.
While it's true that we all feel lonely sometimes and that it is important to be your own best friend, the reason most men (gay and straight) feel so lonely is that society has gone to great lengths to assure that men have shallow friendships. For years, I have hosted interactive in-person workshops that provide a personal breakthrough experience. In fact, many life-long bonds and several gay marriages are the result. It's possible to have many shallow friendships and still feel very lonely.
Thanks for sharing Thomas. As a 57 y.o gay man who is the 24-7/ 365 solo caregiver of our family elder, I have no friends, nor have I had any connection with anyone in over 7 years now. It's helpful knowing from the comments that I'm not the only one battling loneliness. Stay strong. You'll find that special someone who deserves your companionship. Stay safe ya'all
I’ve always been alone - I learnt from school at a young age that I wasn’t liked much at all and was often sitting by myself, often sad. It was particularly hard in high school when my belongings were always hidden/stolen from me and I was then left having to go look for them, often found in a garbage bin a few minutes away from where it was collected. Making friends was the hardest thing at school, could never trust anyone and was always picked on - the easy target. Now, in my mid 40’s and suffer depression and on medication, still lonely and finding it hard to just even exist anymore. 😢 Having a friend is just hard work now…. The amount of times I’ve been used or hurt, so you can imagine having a partner is impossible for me.
I am going 40 and this really hit me so hard. I know this will be my path in the future, alone and lonely and no one knows who am I and what I really feel.
I feel you. I'm in the same (or a very similar) boat. Going on 40, gay, single, never been in a relationship, only have a few friends. For me, the loneliness is always there, slowly gnawing away at my core and I hate it.
@@rlrober I don't know if he has a cameraman or does it all alone. Either way, it is better than most films I see. I mean, Tommy has a bangin' body AND a great talent for the camera. I hope he can maintain humility. He is definitely a great catch!
@@timwilder9471 he is more than his looks. Unfortunately he will probably get banged and dumped by many men so he needs to find more than just the meat market. All young gay men should know that looks fade but wisdom and friendships/love only get stronger if you make the right choices
As another older gay man, loneliness and solitude seem to have become my middle name(s). Life doesn't turn out the way you hope or expect. There are not niches for everyone. I've unfortunately never found mine /gay friends or a (lover!?😂) that shared similar interests and values. But I wish you better luck In your life.
I was solo for much of my 20s but not always lonely. Now in my 50s I crave alone time and wish I had not been so desperate for a relationship when younger. It definitely gets better.
@kevinwalsh9934 yes, if you get outside your head and just start living. Too often people obsess about what they don't have and create a never-ending neurotic cycle that keeps them stuck. Get out, do something, be something, whatever but don't fall into the trap of self pity. It's pointless & fruitless.
@@kevinwalsh9934For me it has. Luckily I have not had a major health issue or tragedy yet. But it would have been nice if I could have just enjoyed the benefits of being young when I was young.
I grew up on a farm and loneliness was a natural state. It helped me prepare for being single as an adult. Oddly, I went from being middle-of-the-road in High School to HUGELY popular and well know in college... post-college making friends is harder and harder... and being single for 3 years now... I've turned it into a medium for my Instagram.
It's definitely different because gay friendships are often just guys who have hooked up and don't want anything further there. That's not how straight friends obviously become friends. And it's a lot more difficult just playing the odds of meeting someone who you're attracted to who also happens to be gay and not straight. 99 percent of the guys I meet randomly who I am attracted to end up being straight. Can you imagine a straight guy meeting nothing but lesbians? No because it's not the same😆
Well.. sometimes being alone gives a sort of relief or inner peace, until you wake up on your birthday and realize that no one sent you a birthday wish or asked you to hang out / drink/celebrate or when you get sick and find out that you have nobody to check on you.. there are plenty of examples. Most of us do need company, at least occasionaly, and "real friends" make us laugh and make everything in life easier and worth pursuing. Really.. its already tough growing up gay. No need to encourage loneliness and narcissism in the gay community.
The cure for my loneliness has been to recognize my role in life to bring compassion and love to others. It's when I'm too much in my own head that I feel a disconnect to the world around me. Get out there and give of yourself,
I'm 56 years old and I hate being gay. The pain and destruction this condition has brought to my life is enormous and it has nothing to do with homophobia. It has to do with the way gay people tend to treat each other - I mean, the way they used to treat each other when I was young, in the late 1980s and 1990s. Hate and disrespect are the best words to define what I had to face. When I was 36, I decided to avoid the so-called gay community. I lost the ability to develop romantic feelings, but I love the wisdom that these painful experiences have brought into my life. By the way, I love being alone, dealing with myself in peace. Life is a paradox.
I think a lot of it has to do with forcing people into a community in which a lot of people don't have anything in common other than their sexual orientation. That's always been the case for me. So there's going to be an empathy gap inevitably there.
@@BigBadJerryRogers : that's true! Homosexuality is not an affinity that involves more than sexual orientation. I have two gay friends who are good friends not because of their sexual desires - I would even say despite their sexual desires! Locking gays in a ghetto is convenient for those who want to avoid them outside of these areas and/or for those who seek sex without any other concerns.
We are all alone. Even if you share your life with someone , a person is still alone. I prefer living on my own. I enjoy doing what i want when i want. Being okay in my own company is good. Im in my sixties, and i really dont want other peoples troubles or issues.
Oh my goodness. Another beautiful and powerful word-piece. You’ve had me crying. I am a generation (or two) from you, and I’ve never had a male friend. Loneliness is my defence against being hurt.
This resonates so much.Thank you. “Being comfortable with who we truly are “ I’m 67 and have always felt different and it’s only in the last 2 years that I am fully aware of how that has impacted life so far.Much appreciated
I feel the same way when it comes to feeling lonely. I have tried to focus my energies on my physical and mental health, hoping that will make things change on their own.
Thank you so much Thomas for this Amazing Video. It has given us all hope. You are a Truly wonderful person. A true hero and inspiration to me. Thank you so much for everything you do. I hope your life is filled with Happiness,Joy,Luck, Laughter and so much love. Enjoy the rest of 2024. All the best from Fraser in a Scotland 🏴🌈♥️
I Love your message ❤ I also Need Nature and Solitude to feel good with myself. I need deeper connection with others, so I have very few friends throughout my life and hoping for a true love & true friendship. A big hug from Utah
You could consider voice acting or narrating audio books. You've got a great speaking voice. It's a gift! Excellent video editing and film direction too! Good script too.
Very much enjoyed your film and its ideas. I am 77 and know what you are talking about. I've always been kind of a pioneer in life--travel, careers, sports, etc. I do wish I had at least one real romance. Love is a very important element to completing one's humanity. Btw, you are a very handsome guy in a very natural way. I hope someone will appreciate that every day of your life.
I also and surrounded by people, even a marriage and feel completely alone. It is a terrible feeling. 😢 I completely relate to you and this video… thank you sharing.
I can definitely appreciate your message in this video. You speak from a soul that has 'grown' with wisdom not typical with those around your age bracket, and younger. Hell, that can apply to many who are much older than you, even. I'm a 60y.o. gay widower now. The loneliness I'd suddenly experienced a few years ago had become debilitating. Things are vastly different today, especially in the social world. I've discovered how non-inclusive the gay community is these days; fractured and unwelcoming. But, my will to live is stronger than I realized, and loneliness is a frame of mind that one does not have to accept as their end all. Striving to find peace within myself is an on-going determination that has made my life, not just bearable, but has given myself permission to enjoy life on my own terms that I was denying. Maybe one day I'll meet someone who will join me, or vice versa, on the same path of happiness, which would be amazing! But, until then, and if, that becomes a reality... I'm good with my own company, my dog, and experiencing those things that are tangible in my life that make me smile while I'm still here. Best wishes to you Thomas! 🧡
Im 45 years old and GAY… I have done the clubs, the men, the drugs, and the sex.. Through life experience I now realize that I just need myself to be happy. I used to try to find happiness in a boyfriend.. I know now that it’s a dead end for me and im much happier alone… 😊❤
Thank you Tommy, since I was small and even now I know that felling you described so aptly and it is unpleasant, but simple techniques like just having a coffee, listen to good song or experiencing nature takes one out of there. Wishing bright rainbows!
Reading the comments here there seems to be a lot of people who have come to the realisation that you have to be happy within yourself to be happy, and this can be done alone. The problem is as a few people have pointed out, when you are much older and handicapped there is noone there for you, and this is a real practical problem.
Beautiful video, visuals and words. Love the way you shot the landscapes. The lighting was beautiful. Nature really does have a way of making you feel better. Glad you are doing better. Being alone does not mean you are lonely.
Definitely identify with this 100%!!! I mean, I couldn't have put it into words any better. This can be such a dark place but I try not to let the lonely feeling be a negative and turn it into a positive like you said. Also, it's just nice to know that I am not alone in feeling like this. No one ever talks about this subject and this is a really incredible, reflective and beautiful piece of art that you created to do so. You got me checking in this morning! Also, all of these shots are so beautiful! Love ya and thanks for sharing this! You are freaking awesome!😀🥰😍🔥💞
As a Moroccan gay refugee in Germany , Before when I lived in Morocco, I thought that when I came to Europe I would be surrounded by friendly and open people and would have many friends or even a boyfriend, but I was choked when I found life here more boring. I fought for many years with loneliness by trying to find a good friend who can accept me as gay or a boyfriend who deserves my love, but always failing to find the right person, now I give up and try to live happily as a single gay alone. enjoy yourselves and live the moment, life is short , be yourself and be happy whatever Circumstances. 😍😍😍🏳🌈🏳🌈🏳🌈🏳🌈 much respect and love to you habibi .
Same here, except I'm 42 and time is running out. I almost don't even care at this point. I'd rather be by myself and somewhat happy than try to find someone in the Gay community, which can be extremely superficial. Good luck to you, either way.
My loneliness drove me to Christ and He said in the Bible that He'll never leave nor forsake me!! Knowing how much God loves me give me a foundation to stand on!!!
what I find challenging to understand is why Jesus (allegedly) had no intimate relationship! How the blazes did he do it?.... when being God... he didn't have to. He could have had anyone he wanted! There is a good chance he was gay too... since he had his beloved disciple.
Your soothing voice is so therapeutic Tommy. I closed my eyes and listened to all the truth you said so gently. It helped me immensely as I'm also going through loneliness day in and day out and seeking love from a gay partner which I've failed to find and so I keep myself busy with things I love to do including practicing self love self care and giving to those who cannot find basic things to survive which makes me feel happy and not feel lonely and sad. There are times I like to be alone which is solitude that everyone need sometimes to discover their inner being and find peace with one self which is totally different from feeling lonely. I've been among crowds known and unknown including at parties where still amidst the big crowd I've felt all alone and sad. What you've expressed genuinely is very true Tommy and thank you so much for coming out doing this video to help others who go through this same syndrome. As you say at the end one finally has only himself to look after and love himself and take care. Nobody understands me better than myself.
Hi, I understand what your saying, I'm lonely sometimes, I'm dealing with both mental and physical illness and the people id turn to aren't there anymore. I believe people are either a blessing or a lesson. I would be your friend 🧡
Have you ever thought that your solitude is very important for you to continue with your mission? I am also alone, and I have realized the importance of my solitude.
I've found out over the years that I'm my own best friend. People will let you down at some point. People will hurt you. I am responsible for my own Happiness. If I'm not Happy, I only have myself to blame.😀
It's the worst feeling. Go your own way is my favorite song of all time. Nobody can tell you how to live. Love yourself first. When you achieve that get a pet to share your life.
I have 3 Blue Point Siamese, 1 Male, and 2 female, they are my babies, and they love ❤️ their Daddy, and they fill those moments when Loneliness may strike, not often, but it sneaks up on me … LOL … and my babies sense that and come near to me, and, and say, hey Daddy, don’t be sad, we are here with You now … they are so sweet and make me laugh everyday, and each personality connects with me in different ways, it is amazing but each one gives me their Love ❤️ & Loyalty everyday … my house burned down, and being reconstructed, we cannot wait to get home 🏠… yes, having a gay and/ bisexual friend is always icing on every cake, yes, I would like that, I am a big Holiday person, and In the future wonder if then I maybe alone, and I am o.k., with being alone, but still, I have my moments, like any Human Being, I LOVE 💕 BEYOND MYSELF AND THAT MAY BEING ME SOMETIMES TO A PLACE WHERE I WOULD LOVE ❤️ TO SHARE WITH A SPECIAL SOMEONE IT CAN BE WITH A MAN FRIEND ( POSSIBLY MORE THAN A FRIEND) and/or friends who still are friends from my passed … The one thing is I must watch out for men who want to extort money/finances from me … that has happened twice, and I will not tolerate that again … I hope for a man who is like me, and is not interested in extorting finances, but just can support his needs as I do, and we can be and do together … I also, would love to have things be like the sitcom, the “Golden Girls”, where we live together, and also look out for one another, but have great times, and be a family, and, some can be & have a secure boyfriend/partner within the group whom live together ❤😂😊 yes, there could be challenges now and then, but together we can remedy a positive outcome, especially when you all real care and love each other, always!!!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊❤❤❤❤❤❤love ❤❤❤
@@caesarbolchini6465 I have a blue point female Siamese and Turkish Angora Siamese he's pure white. They are my babies, ide probably go nuts without them. I sense conmen all the time. I ghost them they are not worth my time or energy . I've been used abused and now I refuse. That's why I'm alone. I don't celebrate Christmas anymore . It's too commercial. I love the spiritual meaning but the shopping and crowds it's just too much. Always care for people that ask for nothing. They deserve your time.
I just heard your story and the r sult is that you've got me in tears. I can see myself in everything you say, in everything you feel. Thank you for being there.
I remenber my mother telling me that one of the things that she worried most is that i would be alone .she was right but i have learned to love being alone.
As a straight man I have gay friends and one is built like a brick house. I tease him about getting a girl friend and he teases me about getting a boyfriend. Sometimes we go camping and stay in the same tent. I don't worry about it because I am not his type just like everyone has a type of person to be with. He would jump in the lake nude and have fun doing it. He know I not attracted to him. I would not swim in the nude because I would probably scare him and all of nature but we do have fun. My straight friends have gay friends too. We don't tolerate bigots.
I really wish I had more straight friends because I don't have much in common with most gay guys. It's difficult for me because most straight guys I meet don't think I'm gay. So then when I have told a few they seemed to act like I was fooling them by not announcing it immediately, or they should have noticed something that they didn't about me and that basically ended things. So I stopped trying that.
During school I was the weird nerd, I had few friends and we moved about every year and a half or so. By the time I hit high school my only close friends were in the church. I even tried the whole Ex-gay thing for nearly 10 years. When I came out, I lost all of my friends, my community. It took years to build up a new family and to try and find connection in the gay community, then my mental health failed me. I woke up from a coma to find my new family had decided I was "too hard" to be a friend to. So I had to rebuild again. Then came covid and friends moved or lost touch, the venues we frequented closed and staying in touch became harder. My Mental health took a new hit and I became afraid to go out, even when the venues reopened. and in the back of my mind I'm haunted by my parents telling me being gay meant I would be alone. I know there are no easy answers, and sorry to rant on your page. But sometimes I just need to find a space to cry out and express my sadness and fear. you made a beautiful video.
I was crushed by my own loneliness just this morning. Actually came to tears for the first time in years. As a gay man living in small town Minnesota, I wonder if I will ever meet a man who isn't shallow or obsessed with looks.
I've been lonely since covid hit. I still can't go out or have people round because of the fear and mental health. I'm ok in my own skin and with who I am, but I still yearn for a deep connection.
This video tells me more about the society and culture you grew up in, live in, than about being gay. Looks like the feeling of rejection leads to self isolation. I’m so happy to live in a country/society where being gay is not an issue. We live very ordinary lives in connection with family, friends and neighbors of all walks of life. We are not special, we don’t feel special and we don’t want to be special. Just living our boring lives with the one we chose.
I'm Dutch, gay, in a long and true relationship. It's a life we chose to fight hard for. We're the happy fathers of two beautiful and great daughters, 12 and 15. Here in the Netherlands we're privileged, we know that very well. I guess what I want to say is love is hard work, it doesn't come naturally. But: in the end love will give you utter peace of mind. It means setting your goals and holding on to them, through good and bad times. It means giving more than you ever will receive. Nevertheless .. being happy with yourself and also being really ALONE enough is hugely important stay healthy ;)
Embracing solitude and the wonder we experience in nature is a process...and you put it so simply and beautifully. Thank you for that and may you continue to marvel at the joys you uncover within yourself and in the world around you.
I'm an older gay man. I've not had many friends most of my life and for the past 40 years my family has passed on so I am really alone. I've had times of sadness the past few years because they have been the loneliest. I've adjusted and value pursuing my own interests as important because the things I enjoy are my own and unique, most likely much different from other people's. Over time the awkwardness and isolation have slowly gone away. Your value as a person cannot always be based upon your importance to others but your importance to yourself. Love yourself. Don't think of being by yourself as negative but as a positive which leaves you completely free to enjoy what you enjoy without having to explain why to others. I didn't ask to be gay, I didn't ask to be alone but I can't change either one of those things. Be happy with who you are. Solitude doesn't have to be bad. Actually when I think about it I prefer being alone. Being alone doesn't have to be lonely. Life is what we make it. I enjoy being self sufficient without having to rely on others for fulfillment.
Tommy, what a deeply, well-said video. I agree with MelB. There is a difference between Loneliness and Being Alone. Being alone has allowed me to take a deeper dive into who I am. This formed my ability to have deeper thoughts and conversations with others, leading to developing a great sense of Empathy. I enjoy your Speedo Videos, and I also enjoy this type of content, my friend. You are not alone, you are speaking for many. Be well and Thank You!
