I am 73. My parents found out I was gay when I was 14. My fathere threatened to have me committed to a mental institution so I turned to religeon to change me. After 10 years of trying to pray the gay away, I finally realized it wasn't ever going to work so I came out as a gay man. My father never came to my house but I was welcome to visit him. I was there by his side when he died. That was the first and only time he told me he loved me.
The fact you are even a little worried about being a bad dad means your won’t be a bad dad. Self awareness is the most important part of breaking a generational cycle.
I am 59 years old. I consider myself very lucky. My family is very accepting. When I came out, my Dad just acknowledged he already knew and just wanted me to be safe and happy. And this was in the 1990's.
I'm glad to hear this. In my opinion, it is practically child abuse for parents who know that their child is a gay and who would be supportive, to not assure their kid that it's safe to come out. When parents force their kids to make the call and risk alienation, they force undue stress that sometimes even risks suicide - all when the stress is totally unnecessary.
When I was younger this black stray cat adopted me. He was fluffy and insisted on sleeping on my pillow. We used to argue every night over 'pillow rights'. Because of these 'fights' I named him Meanness. Meanness would follow me all over the neighborhood and even into stores where everyone knew him. They loved Meanness and would laugh at his name because he wasn't mean at all. He was my best friend ever. Get your cat guys, and may he be as wonderful and loving as Meanness! Love your channel, thank you!❤❤
Being a gay couple with 5 children between us we would say our connection and parenting has nothing to do with being gay. It’s a bout being able to love unconditionally have boundaries. Being a parent is not being best friends. We have a wonderful relationship with them all. (21-37) and many amazing memories. Go for it you will never be 100% ready
You two are beautiful and so good together. You both inspire me as a 53 year-old gay man who came out at age 41. Just realizing today that you two are a couple. Keep up the good work and know that so many of us love you both. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing so much with us. Hugs!
Love how open you guys are about all this! In the LGBT+ community especially, there can be a lot of window dressing with everyone presenting a perfect version of their lives. To see that other people also have human experiences is so validating❤❤❤
Interesting convo, thanks :) You know my cat passed away recently, his name was Bob, he was 15 y.o. and the best cat ever. I had been living with him since my first grade and he was my friend, a family member. It's very hard to acknowledge that he is gone honestly... I really hope that your kitty will bring you as many great memories as Bob brought me. I'm sure that you'll find a perfect companion for you. p.s. I'm learning English, so please excuse my mistakes
Wonderful video. I feel I have a standard and healthy relationship with both my parents. Approaching 40, so still help out at home with cleaning. We'll watch a couple shows together. I work together with my dad. I'm not "officially" out to my parents, but if I started dating and met someome I'd give them a heads up. And I know they would accept me. Growing up I didn't talk to my parents about my body and changes. That I really recall. Had health class and friends. So I was set in that area. Kids, I'm in the same boat, not for or against. If I'm with someone who already has kids or wants them, fine. If not also okay. We are all individuals. I can relate to both my parents on some things. But, not everything. So, while I understand the "fear" it's by no means the definitive factor. Knowing that you want to be a better parent and creating a loving, accepting, safe, and secure enviroment for you kid(s) shows that despite your reservations, you have a clear understanding of what it means to be a parent. As I've heard, the parent who is worried about messing up their kids, is doing leagues better than the ones who don't care or believe their perfect. Last, early congrats on the cat, if you get one soon. My parents and I adopted two a few years ago. They can be a handful, but are both loving and wonderful. Best advice I can give is similar to being parents. Creat a welcome and loving home. Keep a clean environment. Feed them. And get the all their shots.😁
Hi Dr. Ty and Gabriel, my husband and I have been together for 15 years (married for 10). We have an 11 year old daughter, but we used to foster kids for several years. At one point we had 6 kids, 5 of them under the age of 5! It was a lot, but also fun as well. The big piece of advice I have is to find a schedule and stick with it. Kids work best off of routine. There will be exceptions, but the more structured the schedule (wake up, meal times, bed) the better off you will be. Looking forward to watching your guys' journey for the future.
Guys, thank you for your work. I can say that all this topics are still actual and important, for me at least. I can mostly hear parts of my childhood in your videos. I am a young closeted gay guy, who found around the same time that was adopted, and all this things explain a lot.
Deciding to start a family means a life long contract/commitment. Legally for 18 yrs….emotionally until you leave this world to travel the universe. I taught H.S. for 35 yrs….always sad to meet kids who weren’t sure who loves them…emotionally lost.
Things that an adult might see as minimal can traumatize a young person; and often cause lifelong negative effects. I got up too late one day to go to work with my father. Unconsolable. Feeling 'not good enough' followed me for decades.
I was born in 1981. Until I started school I hung off my Dad like a bad smell. Mum would say "He's MY Dad" and I'd climb on him and hug him and poke my tongue out at her. Then when I started school, it was drummed in pretty quickly that boys don't hug anyone who isn't a girl. So, in my discomfort I ceased all interaction with my dad, even to the point of saying goodnight to him, because I thought that makes don't show affection toward each other. He would often comment to how much it hurt that I'd stopped, but he wasn't sure how to fix it. It wasn't until I was 23, in 2005 that I got my brain out of that stupidity and when I was visiting a friend and they came to get me that I shocked him by throwing my arms around him and giving him a big hug. Mum said he was a bit teary after but thrilled to bits. As tends to be the case, I left it too long. My Dad, a truly wonderful man, passed away on the 1st of May, 2010. Weirdly, it was my Mum's 58th birthday. Making sure we'd never forget when it happened. LOL. My Dad knew I was gay and wasn't bothered by it, but we never once discussed it. What messed with my mind for a long time after he died is that I was the last person to ever see his eyes with life in them. I was siting next to him holding his hand while the rest of the family were on the other side of the room fussing over something when out of nowhere his eyes opened and fixed on mine. There was no spark of recognition, and after a few seconds I called everyone else over. As they rushed over his eyes rolled and closed for the last time. I spent a long time wondering if he died disappointed that I was the last thing he saw. It still upsets me now because though I know deep down he was very proud of me, as last visions of human life, maybe there was something else he'd have preferred.
I'm 32 and I still am extremely attached to my dad. I follow him around and ignore my stepmom alot of the time lol. Though I now actively do things with my stepmom willfully way more, but my dad is still who I just gravitate too. I also was highly attached to my dad despite me not being a huge fan of him during my teenage years. which has always confused me. For me, its always been a love/hate relationship. But I have always been tied to his hip regardless of my opinion of him or our situation dynamic. The most shocking thing about his and my relationship is that despite him being quite homophobic, he has taken me being bi and having had a couple boyfriends extremely well. I know for a fact he hates it and gets annoyed when it does come up, but over all, it has never harmed or lessened our relationship. In fact I joked to him once that the gayer I got, the more I valued him and loved him being my dad. Which I think threw him off pretty bad.
I’m going to be 70, and I have at least 25 vintage Barbies and 25 or more G.I. Joe. I love Barbie from seeing the Barbie tv commercial way back in 1959 or 1960. The Barbies from 1959 to 1966 are the best.
I totally disagree with the concept of anyone being "genetically predisposed" to be a bad dad. The fact that you are evaluating and contemplating sets you ahead of the average dad.
My dad was my worst enemy for the entire time I lived in the same house. Beatings and threats coming from a drunk. I have known I was gay since I was about 9 and started puberty. my day never came out and said something direct to me about being gay, but he would say nasty and hurtful things about other gay people. Just before I left the house dad gave me a long talk and asked about if I had ever been with a girl? Then he asked me to take one month and go have sex with girls. So, just to satisfy him and kind of curiosity, I did. 8 girls. Nothing changed but I ended up with 7 sons. shortly after I met my love and me and him have been together ever since. My sons are in their 40's now and its pretty nice. A much different life than I thought I would have. Kids can be the greatest thing in life but they can also be pure hell on Earth. Before my dad past away he said one of the nicest things to me. I wish I could have been a dad like you. Then I told him, I wouldn't be me without you. Happy Fathers day everyone.
I would love to have kids one day but sadly it is so expensive to have children and let alone live from month to month in the UK. I hope I am lucky enough to be able to have a family one day but fear it wont happen.
As for the cat? Don't even think of taking a cat on a trip. They don't like change. Everyone I know that took trips with their cat eventually lost them on the trips. Cats love home, even if you are not there.
The cat chooses you. When I got my kitties, there was one kitten that looked directly into my soul and I knew that cat was the one. He is now my living shadow. When it comes to raising cats, my recommendation is to let them take the lead. Slowly over time they will naturally gravitate toward you. Definitely don’t hold them against their will or they will naturally resent you.
To any parents of gay children who believe their kid is gay but not out: For heaven's sake, let them know that it's safe to come out.!!!!!! Do not torture your kid by waiting for them to come out without knowing where you stand, and cause them unnecessary stress by risking alienation and an uncertain future, unless you want a potential suicide on your hands. By all means, be respectful and appropriate, and not confrontational. Maybe drop hints and let them 'overhear' that you support gay rights, or oppose a politician's hate agenda, of "if any of my children were gay I'd love them all the same," as appropriate.
My mom had a cat named, 'The Cat' TC for short. Also, for your consideration My parents were quite a bit older when I was adopted and my brother 2 years later. We definitely would have been considered 'later in life' babies. It made for some difficult times when trying to relate to us as kids during our teens. Not so much today but back then our parents were considerably older than all of the parents of our peers. Not a criticism, rather an observation.
Hi Guys, really like your vids, very educational and the rapport between between you is great. Please explain something that I have never understood. Why do some men like to be called Daddy?????? Thanks.
Well, I’m a doggie guy, so I have no advice re cats BUT regardless of species, we must be selfless and loving to those in our care - Question: are you the two of you lovingly selfless and caring toward and for each other’s wellbeing then you know what kind of parent you can certainly work diligently at being - Best of luck and good chat today fellas
First for a cat I think you need to understand their personality. Some cats like to chill more and some cats like to play more. Also, give the cat time and space to adjust to you and your home. I enjoy your podcast! ❤❤❤
For me personally, my fear of having kids is that I wont be able to connect with them. My fears are if the kid is born trans or gender neutral, i still have a lot to learn in that area of being human, This probably comes from our parents who didn’t know how to handle us. Other fears are our child getting in the wrong crowd and doing crime or drugs. Or just plain homophobic… As a gay couple we probably have a bit of an advantage because the only option we are comfortable with is adopting, so we have time to learn and consider the options. For now we got a dog and we are 100% the type of people to call her our child, and we are so happy with that!
You also need to consider how old your child will be when you are too old to actively participate in their lives. Do you want your 17-year-old to be pushing your wheelchair through Epcot? How much fun would that be?
You mentioned that you are caring for one or more parents; consider their age and how old your children would be when you are that age. Hopefully, you will remain healthy longer, but if not, they could miss out on the enjoyment you have had because they are caring for you.
GenZ tends to express a higher level of anxiety than GenX. Perhaps some delay family decisions and remain at the post-teen stage of life because they are insecure about progressing to the next stage.
There’s an uncanny amount of similarities between Tyler’s experience with his dad and mine even though we’re not in the same generation and I live on the opposite side of the globe. Ig it’s a part of the gay experience?
@@Keepthepeacesharethelove I knew they were sweet to each other but I would have never guessed that. I thought they were best friends or high school classmates or something.
