just a friendly reminder that even though a lot of my art and film is based loosley around my personal experiences, my works and characters are all still fictional! 👽👍 my dad is very much alive, ty for checking in anyways guys.
The scene with the woman at the side of the bed resonates with me. The stern and disappointed look from someone who's supposed to be close to you, to care about you. It hurts, seeing someone important so dissapointed. Dissapointed that you lived or dissapointed that you tried or even dissapointed that you arent well. I've been met with anger when I sought help when I wasn't well. I've been the disappointment when I took things out on myself. It hurts.
I understand completely. It really sucks when you decide to rely on someone and they make it seem like your fault that you’re unwell. You’re not alone ❤
I was 14 for my serious attempt. The line “I cost you money again”- one year I had one ambulance visit a month. In the states that adds up. My mother had to file bankruptcy. My father took his life the same way I tried to that serious time on my birthday five years ago. It’ll be my birthday soon. Thank you for this
Try to find out what thought is weighing you down. Be selfish enough to change it to a thought that makes you feel lightweight, something that relaxes your muscles and your brain. You have the power to do this, and your body will thank you.
the line "i cost you money again" hits way to hard for me, but in a slightly different way. my parents are very supportive, loving, and caring, and I'm very thankful for them. i never wanted to seriously attempt, sure I had my lows but it never got that far. but god do I feel guilty I feel guilty because they have to provide for me, buy me food, I have a room in my house with everything I need and want, I feel guilty because they love me and I shouldn't but I do whenever I eat I think, they wouldn't have to spend this if i weren't here whenever I ask for them to indulge me something like a movie, i think that they wouldn't be burdened if i weren't here whenever they pay for my school fees, i think: why am i such a burden to them when they never said a thing about being a burden. i put this all on myself yet I'm still sulking about it and i cant do anything to help my parents and we're in a good financial state too. i don't know why my brain does this
Hey, I get the feeling Though we may be in different situations, have you considered telling your parents you feel this way? You don't have to if you don't want to, obviously, but it might help you feel less alone in your head. You might even be able to talk to them about how to possibly help them out, or show your appreciation for the hard work they do! If your parents are as loving as you say they are, I'm sure they'd understand the sentiment (at least somewhat) and be very touched ^^ Regardless, I hope this at least gives you some piece of mind that you're not alone in this world. I hope I can brighten your day even a little, if you ever see this comment. You are enough as you are
I feel the exact same way. Even though my parents have never been abusive, I feel guilty as fuck. They provide me with what I need, and yet I still feel guilty. I feel selfish, and when I try to tell them, they just say that I'm saying "nonsense" and that they are doing what every parent should. And, I KNOW that, but I haven't DONE anything to deserve this. And that's why I feel shit.
@@Hero_My_Beloved i think it comes down to a feeling of self-efficacy and an inability to perceive one's self in their situation, and their role in it like, it's hard for you to perceive yourself as being of worth, because you can only see what you *take* from them, and never what you actually *provide* or what you *are* to them it's okay, i'm in the same boat too. often i break down mentally because i spend so much time procrastinating on things, that it makes me feel like crap, and i feel disgusted because my parents place so much trust in me, and i feel like i'm a massive burden to them and it's only recently where i've finally met a therapist (an academic counsellor from my school, bless her soul and heart) that never ever said anything patronising or tried to tell me what i should've done, and instead just tells me to perceive my world as a series of good and bad decisions, and let go from the idea that 'this is certain', or that 'i have to do this' idk if any of that was relevant to you, but i think in an era where we're all exposed to so much social media and more specifically technological development, it's hard not to see a 'normal, ordinary' life as privileged. and what's worse is that when you feel that way, no one else can really help you, or at least see it the same way, because it seems so absurd. 'why are you guilty? it's okay' 'you deserve to be here, it's fine'
@@Hero_My_Beloved (following from previous comment) and i know when people say those kinds of things, it's out of genuine care, and out of love i'm not oblivious to the idea that these people care, and that's all the more i feel frustrated i'm conscious that i am willing to put myself down to make everyone else seem better, more worthy, more useful than me that i treat others with kindness and love, and yet am never able to save an ounce of it for myself and transitioning into an adult (final year of high school), i'm scared of what happens once i leave school what then is my purpose to my family? it's gone on a ramble, so to kinda summarise for actual advice from someone in your situation: what you're feeling is completely, valid i don't think it's a healthy mindset (cuz mine certainly isn't), but it's not a doomed and pitiful mindset. and remember, it's not that you needed to do anything to deserve the love your parents gave you you were just given it. there's no need for you to HAVE to deserve it, it's just something you were given it sounds so simple, but trust me i'm still barely able to understand it, but i'm trying, and i hope you will too take care :P
@@The_Jazziest_Coffee this was an amazing piece of advice. I'm really glad to see that you understand too. Because every time I try to explain it, people would respond with the classic "you shouldn't feel bad" "they are doing it cus they love you" and such. And, as you said, the worse is that I KNOW that's the truth, I KNOW that my parents just love me. And I'm incredibly glad to be loved, but if I can't provide, then I'm just leeching off of them. Sure, I've made them proud with some certificates here and there, but THEY paid for it. THEY gave me the support I needed to get these. It's pointless. And I'm glad to hear that there isn't any cure for these feelings, because then I'll feel free to feel them without shame. Without feeling like an attention whore that makes whines for seemingly small and insignificant things. At least I know now that what I feel is not life ruining. Just... A bad feeling. Deep in my soul that annoys me every time I'm an "inconvenience" or a "burden". Thank you, kind person. It's weird that internet strangers understand you better than your own parents. I hope you get to live a happy and fulfilling adult life :)
Yeah I know this feeling. Beautiful and haunting animation. It's mind bending to try to unravel our past, and how we came to be when there is so much tragedy.
I am in awe with the audio in this work. The breath I let out when I heard the sound of the character breaking the surface and laughing, short but true.
As a schizophrenic, seeing animations like this gives me a lot of catharsis. I appreciate your work on this wonderful piece of art. Even got me to tear up a bit :]
this really couldn't come at more impactful time in my life, and even if what i've gone through isn't exactly the same, this really spoke to me. i appreciate you making this and sharing it with the world.
I've attempted and been there for people who have. It's so, so valid to be disappointed in someone for attempting, but whether you like it or not, it isn't fair to show it. Not to them. They didn't try to hurt you intentionally, they didn't try to make you worried sick. They just tried to cope with their pain in a really awful, violent, and objectively selfish way. But until you're in the moment, you'll never realise just how out of your own control you are when you're suicidal. When you finally reach the point of attempting, the suicidality overrides you. It's like you're already the walking dead, and it's just a matter of finally dying. You're allowed to feel however you feel about someone's suicide attempt, but you are just as responsible for being understanding and compassionate. If that looks like stepping away because you just can't handle it, then it is what it is, but it's not your right to make someone feel like a burden. That's when you confide in a therapist or another trusted friend.
I still remember calling my mom from the psych ward after I got ressed in the ambulance from my attempt. So painful and such a traumatizing experience I developed a panic disorder and hypochondria. I'll never forget how my sister showed me later the message ta her that my mom didn't believe it happened, that I was being dramatic. She's a good Mom now. Supportive and helps . But I'll never see her the same way again fully.
My family has a history of mental illnesses and suicide. PTSD, depression, anxiety- a mixed bag of distasteful and debilitating parasites. I have had major depression since I was in elementary school. Things have not gotten better, or easier, but that doesn't mean it has to get worse. Please know you are not alone, and there are some things out there worth living for. Just live long enough to see them.
"i cost you money again" is a line i know too well. this is very relatable, especially turning to the ocean for answers, turning to your younger self for forgiveness
Peaky Blinders was right "it's in our blood. we live in the realm of the living & def.. it starts when you stop, the thoughts rush when you rest. but we shake hands w/ the demons, & walk past them."
this is the most beautiful thing ive ever watched wtaf please keep making this shit its the most emotionally complex and devastating but gorgeous thing ive ever seen
Never did commit, two times got dangerously close though. Experiencing the hatred/disappointment from someone that is supposed to love and support you no matter what is gut wrenching. I remember those cold eyes. I remember her staring at me at 13 years old without an ounce of love, after finding out I S/H through going through my messages. "Are you doing this for attention, like every other girl your age [Redacted]?" Just made me realize if I ever lived long enough to be a parent I would never say these things to my child or any child for that matter. After being ranted to about everything and nothing, aggressive long stares of silence and resentment, than being asked- "Well what DO you want from me [Redacted]?" To which my 13 year old self replied through tears, "A hug, a hug would be nice..." and being given the c o l d e s t hug I've ever received. There was no love in that gesture. There was no love in those blue eyes. 2 years no contact with this "parent" and I am still alive. Have been clean from S/H for 5. In a much better place and mindset now. My eyes are green and warm, and the scars are faded to only reminders to a past I escaped. Stay safe y'all.
This almost made me cry. It sucks how it can be so difficult to break generational trauma, especially in cultures where physical and verbal abuse is normalized. I love this animation though. I feel stronger knowing that I will hopefully be the one to stop the cycle of pain. Much love to the animator(s) ❤
The first screen about the suicide pattern made my blood run cold. I've gone through this very scenerio and I feel genuinely crazy everytime I ever speak about it because its one of those things that make you go "wait, huh?"' this pushed me to watch the whole animation and my god its excellent. It resonated with me on such a deep level and the line "i cost you money again" struck me deeply. Thank you for making this.
Thank you, a lot, for this. Just...so many of the things in this animation, just....hit me, on a really deep and personal level. I don't really know how to feel about it, but....I'm grateful, to at least know I'm not alone in my struggle.
This shortfilm is so toching. I guess, I can make this conclusion: when you're in panic or feel other negative emotions, think about your lovely Inner Child ❤ Thank you so much for this story ❤
my grandfather beat my dad due to anger issues he couldn't control due to his overwhelming depression and hardening then my dad beat me to toughen me up and to stop crying so much i cant cry anymore, and ive become the product of so many broken variables that im so close to the edge im sorry
Thinking about what the video has taught and has displayed… it sorta touched me even though I’ve had very little thoughts of those before, it made me cry.
@TAEETIMEE Hope you’re doing good and staying safe. If you need to talk to someone or need help, there are people who care. Sending support and hearts. ❤️❤️❤️
Our experiences shape us as much as our genetics. Medication does help regulate our brain. It doesnt solve everything but it at least gives you the tools to mine the coal instead of using your hands.
I don't know if it's intentional but I like the ambiguity of where the "I don't deserve this " is placed- between scenes . is the narrator saying they don't deserve the kindness or love given to them? or are they refuting the burdens of suffering placed upon them? or is it the sunrise of a bright future that they don't deserve?
If my own genetica would want to kill me, i would go to non-addictive medical prescribed by a doctor drugs if it is like a psychological thought pattern that originated from genetics. I cant believe uch a thing would exiat, but part of me does.
the hit directed at self at 2:51 was too real for me i had to take a breath. it was really good at bringing me back to those moments when you are at your lowest.
I thought it was meant to be their child they brought into the world that kept them from drowning that will keep them alive until they leave as an adult leading them to su1cide
@@Staredstar I think there’s is probably a notable difference, trauma is more harsh while grief is more sad. So while someone with generational trauma is more likely to recreate harsh traumatic experiences to their children, someone with generational grief is more likely to pass on their sadness to their kids.
"I cost you money again." Despite almost a decade of thinking about it, I've never made an attempt on myself. Only because I knew that it would put my family in even more debt. It's expensive to be in a hospital, it's expensive to be in therapy, it's expensive to die. So I kept on being "ok." I'm at a point where I can say I'm doing better. Still have times where I think about it, and if it's bad enough, my mind will linger there, but that's gotten pretty rare nowadays. I have a lot of reasons to stick around, ranging from curiosity and love, all the way to spite and malice. Not all of these reasons can be satisfied, but that's the point. A thousand goals that cannot be reached in one lifetime, so I have no choice but to see this one all the way through to complete as many as I can. It works for me, at least.
Recently I’ve been thinking about collecting “sparks” as I go along - little moments and feelings and experiences that make life worth living. May we all find our own reasons and sparks, even if it’s just one!
For real. Bro keep going. The comment above is great. I laugh to myself. When I am on the verge of tears I try to think of cool life things. I hope you get better. There will be downfalls, big downfalls, but the best way is to be ready for that. Or just accept that it happens. Hopes dreams can keep us alive. Stay safe bro
@@p5rsona I mean we basically are genetic dna patterns but we are able to shift to new patterns when we focus on being what we want the new pattern to be. We are not our fears or anxieties. That’s for sure. We are pure love and the ones who couldn’t get there left us heartbreaking gems to remind us to continue on and create new patterns. Not only for us as individuals but to pass it on to others too! 💓
I have a friend whose father committed suicide last month. I made an attempt at 13. Feeling like you’re a burden for being in pain hurts, and drowning is a great description of it. You’re unaware of which way is up and which is down, which path will be the right one. My father called me weak and threatened to disown me when I told him I was hurting myself. I still think about it everyday. This animation is a beautiful representation of all of the emotions surrounding suicide. It made me tear up. Much love ❤
Your father is just a fool. He doesn't know what he's talking about. Probably doesn't know how to respond to anything except with anger. That's his problem.
The whole animation up to the point where he's under/going to get out of the water is kinda like smeared watercolor, as if he's slowly been drowning until he swims out...
Every frame of this should be hung up on a wall. It’s all so beautiful, so compelling, so… I don’t even know how to describe it. This is everything. Note: 0:01 - Apparently the comment sorting is broken now? Adding this to check. I like your shoelaces, btw.
Thank you for making this. More than how the pacing, animation, coloring, and the way the shots were posed, this entire animation feels heartbreaking. Thank you so much for making this ❤
I made a serious attempt when I was 16, and I tried to drown myself in my bathtub. The metaphor of this despair being like drowning hits for me in a lot of different ways, not only because it's an accurate description of such a profound sorrow, but because of my attempt. I've been haunted by that feeling of a vast, empty suffocation for my entire life. I am much better now. I am 22, an age I never thought I would reach, and I can say that for the first time in my life I feel like I am swimming. Maybe not quickly, or efficiently, but I am swimming, though it is more like doggy paddling. A lyric from a song that stuck with me and helped me when I was considering attempting again, "When it seems you're all but drowning, may the water quench your thirsting." - A Benediction, by The Arcadian Wild (written by Isaac Horn) Thank you for making this. I am never out of the water, but I am learning to swim. I am learning to swim.
I don't know how to describe the way I was feeling with watching this. Those notes of "I cost you money again", the self directed hit on the side of the head. It just hit me. I've had these feelings, I've had those looks of disappointment on parents' face as they see or later know that I have gone into the hospital, I have constantly belittled the good I have because I believe that I do not deserve it. I've just wanted to escape. I don't know what my genetic grief is that has ended with me attempting to end my own life twice. Both my parents are messed up in their own ways, but nothing as huge as an attempt on their life. I hope that I am the last member of my family to attempt these things. Thank you for creating this, TAEETIMEE. And thank you for being here.
"I cost you money again" is agonizing, I stopped telling my parents my issues (being trans, eyesight issues, depression) because I thought it would cost them too much money. I was put into a medical evaluation by a carnival cruise, which wasn't covered by insurance, and cost over $100+. I was heartbroken about it for far longer than I let on. Thank you for making this. I relate to it for a lot more reasons, but this one stuck out the most to me rn
My father didnt kill himself thankfully but my grandfather did when my dad was 16, and i remember thinking when i was 13,14, 15 that maybe the fact i was suicidal was just a genetic thing that i couldnt change. There was some sort of comfort in the idea that it was always meant to be, or maybe never meant to be actually. Im better now though but this animation still made me pretty emotional. Great work as always
The woman looking disappointed in him for his problems is something I relate to. When I was 14, I was self-harming and my mom found out. It didn’t go well and she ended up saying that if I seek therapy I’ll be in an asylum, and I won’t get a job in the future because I would be labeled as crazy. I’m in my first year of college now, away from her and my family. She definitely changed for the better to an extent, but it sucked watching my sisters having their own issues and my mom finally realizing the seriousness of mental health and getting them therapy. She would give me therapy today, but I refuse her offer and hate the idea of accepting therapy, especially when it’s provided by her. I’ll go to therapy under my own time and when I feel like it, but it’ll be through what my college provides and never through my mom.
i likely completely misinterpreted but that ending implies he just restarted the loop of his fathers. he meets a girl, is close to ending it, inherits a kid, comes back up for air briefly. what a mess
You never managed to speak to your inner child at times of suffering in your life? It is the purest untainted form of self love one can feel. The young you inside you accepts you and does not judge you.
@@neonice It is metaphorical lmao, you view yourself through the lens of a younger you. Besides, you do not know how many children are inside me right now.
"I cost you money again" Hit home because I'm terrified at costing my parents money, I lied about my eyesight and mental issues, and I have learned to mask pain and illness really well and although it's still a fear of mine to cost too much I have gotten slightly better now that my mom has a better paying job
… yesterday and today was the first time in a long time where i didn’t feel suicidal in a very long time… tell your closest friends and you’ll be okay… focusing on yourself really makes it all better. :)
I'm so glad you didn't feel like that at least for a few days♡ When i was 14, I felt like that everyday, every moment and was in a fight against my own mind all the time. I just hope that it will not be for a few days in the nearest future, but much more, because you matter. You are loved. You are strong. And you are absolutely worthy, even if you don't feel like it. If there is not anyone who loves you, then it's not true, because i'm here and i'm sending you lots of love, support, strength and if you don't mind, hugs too. It will get better. I don't know when, but it will.°.•♡•.°. (This implies for anyone reading)
Ive wanted to commit for a good while Even now, after i thought everything had just gotten better and all my flaws would fade as soon as i got away from my mom And it did, for awhile. And then i kept making mistakes I got more forgetful It got harder to accept that others could love me That my family could That any of my friends could When all I am is flaws and doubt, misery and hate The worst part is i want to get better, but theres so much piled up and so many things and mental blocks locked together that its so hard to do anything but dissociate all day Sorry, Im really tired, I needed to vent out in the open where i wont feel like im weighing someone else down
i come from a family of addicts and alcoholics on all sides, and my dad killed himself when i was 13. i wasn't expecting to read that first line. the author states this is fictional for them, but they did a good job representing the "presence" of people who made a decision long before you could consider such a thing for yourself: there they still are, inside your soul, reminding you what they're capable of and thus what you're capable of; the very existence of your people feeling compelled to do something will leech into you and you'll feel the urge too. the haunting is multiplied in this way.
This hits really close to home as someone who's been feeling like a leech and a drain on resources for the past few months. I quit my job thanks to a mental breakdown. My last serious attempt was when I was a teenager. It has been getting better for me recently. I know for many it hasn't been. I hope whatever you are personally going through, that you will be ok. "Everything will be ok."
2:17 This line really hit me. I dont feel happy when my parents buys things for me. It doesnt make things better, it makes things worse. I dont feel good receiving it when I dont feel like I've done anything for them. The only thing im good at is studying, but even im not good at it.
When I was 10y, my parents decided to divorce. I remember clearly my parents arguing intensely inside the car, then my father said while screaming: "Pick which one of us do you want to live with, quick."
I could only cry in front of them while they were arguing, the sound of my cry made my dad more furious while he was driving. My mother was silent, as if something or someone inside of her went away, disappeared.
Years after their divorce (I was 13), my mother got heavily depressed. She stopped cooking, cleaning the house, doing laundry and taking some pills for something to this day I don't know.
I also had 2 older brothers, they never had a reaction and never seemed to care much about what was happening. But my mother wanted me to support her, I had no idea what to do. So I began helping doing what I could and learning everything by myself.
She also was jobless and she decided to make jewelry and get some money. She asked me to sell at my school, everyday I spent my time during lunch and after school to try to convince people to buy my mother's jeweleries.
Я надеюсь вы справитесь с этим. Вы не ошибки своих родителей. Может и ошибки, но собственные. Вы можете побороть это, обратитесь за помощью. Это может быть сложно, но если честно, одни вы не справитесь. Но я надеюсь что вы справитесь. Это возможно, хоть и сложно. Короче, надеюсь у вас всë будет хорошо, обнимаю, целую если вы не против ꉂ(ˊᗜˋ*)♡
