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Hi, I'm glad I found your channel. I lost my ability to sleep since october 2023. That's 6 months with zero sleep. I dont know why this is happening and my doctor hasn't got a clue. I feel like I could die. Have you ever dealt with anything like this? Is there any hope?
I saw this video 4 weeks ago, and it was the final blow to my ‘insomnia-mindset’. Somehow I gained the insight that I was the only one in the way of my sleeping because of the thousands of ‘sleep efforts’ I was making. After 19 years of brutal insomnia I have been sleeping like a baby for 4 weeks straight now which is an amazing experience for me. Thank you so much Martin Reed!
@@gigi1332 it's funny to read this comment now. Yes after watching this video I completely saw the whole mindset that perpetuated my insomnia and I did sleep solidly for 5 weeks in total. After that I fell back into not sleeping. Since then I have been receiving coaching from Daniel Erichen's 'sleep coach school' (look it up on RU-vid) and it has been an amazing support from for me. So now 1,5 years later I am still struggling with sleep but it is much better. When you have had insomnia for so long it really just takes time to reprogram yourself. Or better said: to let go of all the wel intentioned but misguided programms that create insomnia.
Dear Lord thank you for this new day. It is only by your grace and mighty power that we have seen this day. Thank you for your protection and abundant mercies. 🙏 🙏
This really make sense. "Sleep doesn't happen when we try to sleep" Dont feed your sleep anxiety. Stop all those self help sleep routines and go on with your life...
I’ve been struggling with lack of sleep for about five years now, and I’ve always tried to articulate to others why ‘sleep efforts’ like deep breathing and relaxation don’t work for me, but have never been able to do so, and was beginning to think that I just wasn’t trying hard enough. This hit the nail on the head. Every example you gave of a safety behaviour is something I have done in the past. Today I didn’t call in sick to work despite having not slept at all last night, and I’m doing just fine. I’ll challenge my sleep efforts and safety behaviours from now. Thank you!
This is FANTASTIC to hear! Congratulations on making that decision not to call in sick to work - by doing that you gave yourself the opportunity to recognize just how capable you are, even after a night of no sleep whatsoever! When you build evidence that proves sleep doesn't completely dictate the quality of your day, you might start putting less effort into sleep and putting less pressure on yourself to sleep - and this is when sleep often starts to get a lot easier!
Eric Myers how is it going for you..has been 4 months for me..I’ve started on Martin’s course and had a good week last week but have had setbacks this week so far
Chris Van Elsen I’m on week three of the course. I’m doing much better than I was. I haven’t had any really bad nights in the last couple of weeks, and if I have a bad night I know what to do, so I’m not too worried about it.
I have insomnia for 2 years and this channel really helps me controlling over my insomnia. I 'll also try to avoid safety behaviours thank you so much ❤️
This guy is, by far, the BEST sleeping coach I have ever seen on the internet. Completely agree that sleep happens all by itself. If it doesn't, keep on living your life as per usual. You just maintain the same life patterns (as long as they're healthy and right). Don't call in sick to work. Don't skip say...your university course tomorrow at 8AM. So just lay off the sleep efforts.
Thank you so much for your kind words, Michael! The quality of our lives is usually influenced far more by our actions and behaviors than sleep - so, with this in mind, we really don't need to bother ourselves with all the effort involved in trying to control something that can't even be controlled!
Insomnia sure can be brutal to deal with. Currently been awake for 4 days straight while blocking out all anxiety and worry but still no luck. I honestly feel so alone and wish I could speak with people going through the same struggles I’ve been going through.
A big insight here - "blocking out all anxiety and worry but still no luck". This is a classic safety behavior! You are engaging in a behavior (trying to block out all anxiety) with the goal of creating sleep! So, no wonder it's not working! You might want to enroll in my free sleep training course for some constructive tips that will help you improve sleep: insomniacoach.com/sleep-training/?ref=youtube072420 I also have a forum where you can connect with others who have insomnia: insomniacoach.com/forum/ I hope this helps!
mst mfor - you’re not alone. I too think I’ve overcome anxiety etc, but stay fully awake for days at a time. Lots of fellow insomnia folks right alongside you. Not that that helps you necessarily, but know you’re not alone.🙏
So, basically, we need to separate our being and doing from sleep, as it is not an ability but a constant that occurs naturally based on the body’s needs. While we cannot influence sleep occurrence, we can influence our mentality and behavior during sleep, which can result in deeper sleep or frequent wake ups? I love this video of yours, it’s so well made.
I’ve had insomnia since December 2023. There were times I’ve slept for 3 hours and it hit me around 7pm. I had it bad on January 3rd 2024. With no sleep I had work and car broke so I couldn’t sleep to make up for lost hours of rest. Being up for 40 hours my body was on fight or flight mode from the stress of being awake for too long. The next day I felt tired and thought sleeping more than 8 hours would help. For 2 months my mind obsessed improving my sleep and this effort likely fed this anxiety. Recently I went back to my normal consistent sleep time and 7-8 hours. I’m a young male who’s very active and had an anxiety free mind enjoying everyday. I never had trouble sleeping and stayed asleep the whole night. I’d stay up with friends, play games or be on my phone at night, sometimes work different shifts and sleep automatically. My insomnia made every day a prison caused by my fear of not sleeping. Edit: the cause of this was my last Pfizer shot. It’s an underreported common symptom of the injection. Expect sleep disorders to occur if you get a shot.
Thanks for sharing these powerful insights. It's so easy to end up withdrawing from life as we try to protect our sleep, compensate for lost sleep, or try to fight or avoid being awake at night and/or try to fight or avoid all the difficult thoughts and feelings associated with insomnia. And, that doesn't typically make things any easier.
What you described is pretty much the exact same thing I’m going through. Same timing and everything and yes, I am also a very active and healthy young guy. Hoping it gets better for you too man
@@MFD-gc4yz I figured out the reason for mine. My doctor is still figuring out ways to fix this. Have you gotten a covid shot or been infected with covid?
There will always be ups and downs, Rin! Nobody enjoys fantastic sleep every single night for their entire lives! As long as you avoid the temptation to implement thoughts and behaviors that perpetuate insomnia, your sleep will very likely get right back on track all by itself!
This is crazy. I never dealt with long bouts of insomnia before, until the last 6 months. I used to break all the "sleep hygiene rules" and still sleep just fine. Then last spring I started implementing all these new routines to "optimize" my sleep. And yes, they did work great at first, but then I started having insomnia like I had never experienced before, laying awake all night feeling jittery like I'd just taken 3 shots of espresso. I've been stressing out trying to find the solution, and this video is making me wonder if I unintentionally sabotaged myself with all those protocols and routines which just ended up creating rigid thinking and stress around sleep that wasn't there before. Its funny because I went on a trip for 3 weeks around christmas where I neglected all my routines and slept better then than I have at home for 6 months. This is such an interesting video.
Martin, another great video! Thank you for posting this! I started to have sleeping issues in Feb. I got better after I watched many of your videos and understood how sleep drive works. My fear about not sleeping faded. After two months of good sleep, I experienced a string of bad nights, which reignited my "attention and efforts" on sleep. Sure enough my mental arousal got heightened, which leads to the current several good nights and several bad nights cycle. Overall my sleep isn't consistently good, stable and predictable. It's REALLY hard not to pay attention to sleep when your sleep quality isn't great. Prior to Feb, sleep was never a thing in my life. Nowadays it has become an epicenter. I definitely did well with the cognitive part of the process (identified my irrational and debilitating fear and replaced with coping thoughts etc.). As a result, my overall fear and anxiety level have dropped. But I haven't seriously implemented the behavior part of the process (sleep restriction etc.). What do you recommend? I can't wait to get my good sleep back and move on with my life. And yet, this thought might be considered a safety behavior?
Thanks for the kind words, Lotus Li! Glad you found the video helpful. It sounds as though you've done a lot of great work on changing the way you think about sleep - so at this point, perhaps the behavioral elements are the missing link to consistently better sleep, especially if you find yourself spending a lot of time awake during the night. With that being said, it does sound as though there could still be some unhelpful thinking going on - for example, that you can't move on with your life until you get your good sleep back. Perhaps moving on with your life NOW will actually help you get good sleep back?!
Thank you very much. Martin. I just discovered your channel, will make every attempt to follow your advice. After years of RLS and insomnia, I finally find guidance, ,relief, and someone who cares❤
Found this channel yesterday. Just amazing info/ content. Destroyed all the things about sleep I took as fact but found out was fiction. Only been dealing with this for a couple months. Had a really good night's sleep and feel so incredibly hopeful. Thank you so much!
Great video! I still keep a sleeping pill close by, just in case. I guess I should put it away so I can't see it. The good news is I'm sleeping better, but on occasion especially when I don't fall asleep within a certain time I tend to get anxious. Talking about an hour or so. At that time I remember when I didn't sleep for 3 nights which was a year and a half ago. So on those occasional nights, I fear that it's gonna happen again. That's when I take the pill. Half a pill works. The funny thing is that I function pretty well even on sleepless nights. Stress hormones? I know what I'm supposed to do, or not but sometimes my brain just takes over. I could be sleeping well, or close to it for weeks and then one night...But at least now it's mostly one night. It's just frustrating that I fall apart because of one night.
If you know that you function well even after no sleep, why do you think you are worried about the possibility of no sleep? The good news is that sleep drive always wins in the end. It's impossible to remain awake indefinitely! Furthermore, any sleep you get - even after taking a sleeping pill - is sleep that is generated by your body. No pill can generate sleep (but they can create sedation and they can lower that initial obstacle to sleep; usually sleep-related worry/anxiety). You might find this video helpful: Even if you have chronic insomnia, sleep drive always wins - you can sleep and you will sleep! ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-88YtI4WeNsQ.html I hope this helps!
The thing with me is i can fall a sleep.. The problem is staying in the sleep. I keep waking up between 3 pm and 05 pm - since Marts. Before that i could stay in sleep for 7-8 hours.
Thank you for sharing this wisdom. This is the first piece of advice about insomnia I’ve ever heard that actually resonated. Sleep hygiene and other ticky tack measures (not to mention our cultural obsession with “good sleep”) can have a ruinous effect on people with sleep anxiety and make matters worse. This feels like helpful advice from someone who actually gets it.
hm... so I should drink coffee whenever I want too? Because not having coffee or other caffinated drinks after 2pm is something I do to help the sleeping. But then this is a safety behaviour and I shouldn't to those? also: are you really that confident about missing sleep and being insomniac not being any threat or danger to people, be it short- or longterm? After a sleepless night, you're driving skills are similar to someone who is full on drunk! So, that definitly is a danger. Also, when someone has bipolar disorder, they get drilled to watch their sleep, because a few nights of not enough sleep can trigger a manic episode, which I did experience. Which in turn of course made the insomniac concern loops worse. And I think, you are priviledged and underestimate the pressure in workplaces. If I didn't sleep well one night - no problem, I can power through and funny enough, this will elevate my mood and arousal state. But after more than 2 or 3 nights of bad sleep, the quota of mistakes really goes up, I have real trouble keeping attention and focus and wil just fuck up.
I've been having insomnia for about 3 months now? I have had this before but for a shorter amount of time. At that time i tried so many safety behaviours and they didn't work. I gave up and accepted that i have to live with this. Until one night. I woke up from a really light sleep and tried again. The thing is...i have this sort of like "full" feeling in my forehead. Almost as if something is stuck in there. Back when i had this, the feeling was preventing my sleep to reach my brain. Until i woke up that night at 2 am. I tried to relax every single muscle and eventually heard a huge click sound in my head. After that, i slept like a baby without waking up. This weird feeling is preventinge from sleeping
Hey coach! But how can I manage to keep the "effortless" method at the very moment I close my eyes? I mean, even when I'm too tired and my eyes are automatically closed, as soon as I become aware my eyes just closed, I start to be hyper aware of my sleep again and the little brain zaps (adrenaline rush) comes in again. ☹
You might want to simply give your brain permission to be aware of sleep and even to generate some cool little brain zaps and adrenaline rushes if it wants to do so. This is just your brain trying to protect you - even though you are completely safe! Thanks, brain!
I never had insomnia before I was having good sleep but suddenly I got sick and now it’s been 3 weeks i can’t sleep I can’t even sleep for 3 hours and it’s disturbed me so much i went to doctor and he gave me sleeping pills but iam not taking it bcx I will be dependent on them I never had insomnia now iam so afraid to go to sleep and it’s been 3 weeks what should I do plx plx plx rply me plxxx
Your video is interesting to me. To make confidence that if I don't get sleep, don't worry. If I can't get sleep nothing will be happening next day and don't try for sleep. Don't take the pill. Is that right?
I can't tell you whether or not to take a pill - but you might find it helpful to explore the belief that a hard night will lead to a bad day (by doing things you enjoy during the day, regardless of how you sleep)! As you mentioned, not trying to sleep can be helpful since trying to do something involves effort and sleep does not respond well to effort!
This advice is one of the best I've ever come across , I've been dealing with insomnia for a few years and it's back again in the last few days because of external triggers which has caused me lot of anxiety but I'm learning to understand that it will get back on track by itself . Started exercising and also haven't showed up to work bec i thought i wouldn't be able to focus there . Thank you so much for this advice .
Hi Martin thank u for the video it's very helpful can you please make a video about hyperawareness ( being aware of the moment of falling asleep ) and how to distract the mind from it it's like the pink elephant thing thank u !
Hello Raissouni! You might find this video on hyperarousal/jerking awake as sleep is happening helpful: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-KFlxiXbYQag.html When it comes to distracting the mind, visualizations can be helpful. Imagine yourself somewhere and picture every detail with all your senses. Or, try to imagine what might happen next in a book you've been reading or a show you've been watching. If all else fails, you could just get out of bed and do something you enjoy instead! I hope this helps!
It is common sense that our body does a lot of repairative work at night so I do not buy that it does not affect our immune system. I get not wanting people to think about that though because it is anxiety inducing. As to your argument, plenty of studies are done on animals to my limited understanding.
Hi Martin, thanks for sharing these information, really helpful. My insomnia comes phase wise, if one night I don’t get sleep I worry so much that this last for about a week and then if one night I get a good night sleep I again come back to routine. Whenever I don’t get sleep I fear it may lead to high BP or it may affect my heart and thus I get involved in more safety behaviours and the whole day I’ll keep thinking of sleep. Currently I am going through the no sleep phase and it’s so debilitating.
Difficult nights are tough - no doubt about it! First of all, there's no evidence that chronic insomnia causes any health condition whatsoever. Secondly, I would suggest that when difficult nights occur, you recognize and acknowledge that and that you try to be kind to yourself. Then, I think it can be helpful to ensure you engage in activities (no matter how small) that keep you moving toward the kind of life you want to live - even after difficult nights and even in the presence of difficult thoughts and feelings. Finally, it can be helpful to avoid engaging in sleep efforts - because the more we try to control sleep (and anything else that's out of our control) the more we tend to struggle.
'if the conditions are right' This is intriguing. I started with insomnia 6 months ago and it's now chronic. Stress and anxiety caused by an impending divorce the likley trigger. Now I'm alone and an insomniac. Just me and my hyperarousal. Lets say I'm committed to CBTi and follow through, my personal life (sombre, alone etc) are not ideal conditions. So would it be even worthwhile starting CBTi? My current average is 3-5 hours sleep even with a 2mg pill. Which is a lousy return and thats why I'm intrerested in CBti. Thanks Martin for the helpful insights
I think that any time we notice that we might be engaged in behaviors to try to make sleep happen or get rid of wakefulness, it can be helpful to explore a new approach - something that CBT-I can help with. It's definitely not the only "way" - but it's an effective and evidence-based option!
The problem is i feel like the whole CBTi thing IS a safety behavior, restricting bed time and stuff. Im like should i just sleep when tiredness comes and honor it like i used to???
CBT-I can easily become a whole set of safety behaviors if the intent is to control sleep or your thoughts or feelings. An alternative (and my primary approach these days) is ACT for insomnia - more on that here: insomniacoach.com/acceptance-commitment-therapy-insomnia/
The tough part is getting out of bed at 5AM after being awake all night. Just have to accept the fatigue during the day and ESPECIALLY : not to constantly ruminate about sleep during the day. The trick, folks, is limiting sleep thoughts only, say, 2 or 3 times only during the day (even if you are quite burnt out, eyes burning, even nauseous). If they pop in your head, just push them away saying : "we'll think about this at the next 20 min period". YOU CANNOT PUT SLEEP ON A PEDESTAL ! Good sleepers give 0 thoughts about sleep. That's our aim.
Getting out of bed around the same time each day is hard - especially after a difficult night! Setting some time aside to allow yourself to worry and think about sleep all you like can be helpful, too - if nothing else, it might also help us realize that although thoughts can make us feel uncomfortable, they don't have control over us. So, why bother trying to fight them?
Martin sticks to the point in his response and does not over clarify or go into too much detail which can lose the listener. I come away calmer and more hopeful. Thank you.
This is the best video I've seen on sleeping struggles. My goodness, thank you. I've been struggling to sleep for a week now, barely recall getting any in the past seven days. I've been struggling so hard with it because like you mentioned in the video, I fear the consequences of not sleeping enough. "What if I'll never sleep right again?" "What if it causes major health problems?" "What if it means I won't be able to enjoy myself anymore?" I've been engaging in lots of safety behaviors to try and sleep...like meditating with the goal of sleeping or getting out of bed if I can't sleep within 15 minutes (a "rule" I despise because I'm a very time obsessed person...applying this to sleep just makes things worse by making sleep feel like a countdown!) The biggest thing is that I've been putting my life on hold for this. Doing less of the things I love like drawing and writing and getting ready to hang out with friends. I've tried so hard to fight for sleep when it seems what I really should've been doing this whole time is just living my life as normal. It comforts me to know this lack of sleep isn't dangerous and that there is a simple answer that doesn't involve something like medication or doing a bunch of crazy exercises. I have more hope now. I figure you've heard many stories like mine. It makes me feel better that I'm not alone.
Thank you so much for sharing. It sounds as though you now have a clear awareness of the opportunity you have to reclaim your life from insomnia (and all the difficult thoughts and feelings that often come with it)!
so do i just go to the gym, and go for walks... just ignore my insomnia and trick my brain into sleeping eventually? i'm scared that i go 3 days with no sleep at all, that if i try to exercise, i'll just end up passing out and they would have to take my unconscious body to the hospital
I'd suggest going to the gym and going for walks (if they're things that are important to you) without trying to ignore your insomnia or trick your brain! If you don't think it's appropriate to go to the gym after three days of no sleep, perhaps there's something else you can do instead that would still be aligned with your values and interests? Something that will help keep you moving toward the kind of life you want to live, even in the presence of insomnia and all the difficult thoughts and feelings that often come with it.
What about if your sleep efforts are technically ways to get you relax during times of high anxiety? I do find my night rituals ever since my insomnia started almost 2 months ago, (podcast, lavender, sleep tea) helps me relax enough to nod off the bed. But I have had times where i've felt very anxious because I've not been able to do this with enough time, which leads to being worried about not sleeping and then sleepless or bad night. Would it best to throw this all out the window? (I never used do this all before) I'm just concerned if I don't do these, I will feel anxious and unrelaxed, leading to a sleepless night? Thanks for your videos, very enlightening.
Thanks for the great question - in my opinion, what determines a "sleep effort" is our intention. If we do "x" in an attempt to generate sleep then that's a sleep effort, and sleep efforts aren't helpful since they imply that sleep can be controlled (when sleep cannot be controlled), they increase arousal as we monitor for the effect of the effort, and they can erode sleep confidence if we believe we need to do "x" for sleep to happen. Before long, we can also find that we have a long list of rituals that we have to do before going to bed - and this increases arousal and doesn't help create good conditions for sleep! If we have anxiety and we find that a specific relaxation technique, for example, helps lower that anxiety then this wouldn't be a sleep effort since the goal was simply to lower anxiety and promote relaxation! If, however, we practice relaxation with the intention of generating sleep or sleepiness, then that becomes a sleep effort. I hope this helps!
@@InsomniaCoach I sometimes can't figure out if I am doing something for general anxiety or for a sleep effort, like I'm secretly doing it to help sleep, like running, cold showers etc. I know they're good for general anxiety but deep down hope they also help my sleep, any ideas?
@@Gxzza If you ever find yourself trying to figure out if an action is "working" or find yourself thinking that something you are doing isn't working, you might be engaged in an effort.
I love this and of we think insomnia can kill us we are dead wrong.. theres a healty man in Vietnam name Thai ngoc that hasn't slept it 41 years... read about him and he said it hasn't affected his health that he carries 110lb sacks all day long. Read the story.. may give you comfort to think sleep can't kill you. It's for the mind and mental health.. not really body. You will live.. I go days past weeks on little to none but I try too hard
Thanks for sharing, Jordan! I am certain that Vietnamese gentleman has managed to get some amount of sleep over the course of 41 years - but his story proves that it's possible to live with untreated chronic insomnia indefinitely because the body will always generate, at the very least, the minimum amount of sleep we need.
Is skipping out on obligations like work or social events because it’s unsafe to drive due to a lack of sleep a safety behavior we should ditch? That’s my biggest concern.
Safety always comes first! With that being said, people with chronic insomnia aren't usually excessively sleepy during the day - they tend to be fatigued or "tired but wired". If you are regularly finding yourself excessively sleepy during the day and you're concerned about falling asleep when you need to be awake (for example when driving) then it's important to seek medical advice.
For the life of me i have been putting a giant dark beed sheet to make my room dark for months, i have been thinking about sleep and the consequences and also a mix of a bad sleep schedule i finally understand. WTF been so worried but now i understand
If the only thing disrupting sleep is light getting into your room, putting a dark sheet over the window is probably going to be quite helpful. If you recognize a lot of sleep-related worries and find that concern about sleep is influencing your behaviors, then a bed sheet on the window probably isn't going to help!
Caffeine, is it totally out of the question? I'm currently off coffee, but drinking more tea as a result, so my caffeine intake probably hasn't reduced that much.
Caffeine isn't a perpetuating factor behind chronic insomnia, but it can disrupt sleep. I think as long as you limit caffeine intake once the morning is over, it's not going to have a big influence on sleep.
Mr. Reed, first off thank you for such amazing insight. One of my safety behaviors is that I always dread stomach cramps/discomfort after missing a full night or 2 in a row- any advise how to challenge and cope with that? Thank you!
Hi martin i am currently struggling with insomnia for about 6 weeks and started sleep restriction 4 days ago. I find i am literally falling asleep infront of the tele at 11pm but as soon as i go to bed at 12:30 i am wide awake then end up only getting about 1 or 2 hours max. Its only on the night i don't have a sleeping pill. I have decided i am not having anymore as they make me feel awful the next day. Will this fear of the bed go away over time? Thanks Joe
Hello Joe and thanks for your comment! Feeling really sleepy before going to bed and then feeling wide awake when you get into bed is a classic symptom of conditioned arousal - because you have experienced so many unpleasant nights in bed, your mind has learned to associate the bed with unpleasantness and so it fires up the arousal system to protect you from that unpleasantness! The good news is that since this association has been learned, it can be unlearned - primarily by getting out of bed whenever being in bed doesn't feel good. You might find this video helpful - What to do when you feel sleepy early in the evening but don't feel sleepy when it's time for bed: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-_o-y80hs16c.html I hope this helps!
@@InsomniaCoach thanks Martin. Your videos are so reassuring and informative. They really have kept me grounded and calm through this period. And even better i got 6 hours last night with no pill (i couldn't quite make 12:30 though) feeling positive for the first time in weeks today. Sending a huge thanks from Brighton uk.
@@joewalker8098 This is great to hear! When you can recognize that your insomnia isn't unusual and understand the reasons behind all the symptoms you experience, you can then feel a lot more confident when it comes to addressing the problem!
Unfortunately no matter how much sleep drive builds, people will still not get enough of that “eventual” sleep. In fact many people go many days with zero sleep before they get 2 hours of sleep and then it’s back to not sleeping. This why “sleep drive always wins” is not true since insomnia wins especially in the long run.
If you suffer insomnia and havent slept at all you should consider calling in sick. Depends on your work but it may be dangerous to you or people around you. Today I was sleep deprived after two nights of poor sleep. My brain didnt work that well and the result is a stich in my left hand. I cut myself on accident. Im pretty sure it is because of how sleep deprived I was.
100% argee to this..I've been suffering from insomnia for 20 years now..the more I think about sleep, the more i dont sleep..i always amazed by myself of being in good condition all day long despite of being awake most of the nights..i got a good sleep straight for 1 month when i less think about it, and then when my mind gets to realized my sleeping problem, i dwell again of having a sleepless nights..sometimes i want to give up, but im hopeful and still positive to overcome this❤️i dont seek for any medical advice for im afraid of getting "drug dependency". One time i tried over-the-counter melatonin meds but it doesn't work for me.
Good day sir! I wasn't able to fall asleep last night because I think I was trying too hard to sleep. I was also not feeling well, I have fever and muscle aches which contributes to me worrying about my health if I won't get sleep. Is it okay if I would stop forcing myself to sleep today, and let sleep just come later in the night?
Every time I tried to work on a morning shift, I would get *sleep performance anxiety*. Ever since I resigned myself to the fact that I would always have to have a job that starts in the afternoon or evening, I have consistently fallen asleep effortlessly.
Thank you for this sensible information. Often past research has led to articles about the dangers of not getting enough sleep which definitely didn’t help matters. I’ll listen again and see if I can apply this advice and let go of the anxiety caused by other people’s advice.
Great video! For me, I've noticed that I tend to obsess over certain sleep hygiene tactics. Most of the time I try to not use my phone or TV in bed, but ironically, I think I sometimes fall asleep faster when I use my phone or watch TV in bed, probably because I'm not thinking about sleep in those moments. Have you had experienced with instances like this? It's hard for me to strike a balance between using my phone/TV to relax while also associating my bed with sleep.
Sleep hygiene doesn't address the thoughts and behaviors that perpetuate sleep disruption and this is why sleep hygiene isn't an effective treatment for chronic insomnia! As long as you aren't spending the entire night in bed on your phone and you know from experience that using your phone for a brief amount of time before giving sleep a chance to happen is helpful, there's probably no need to change this in the name of "sleep hygiene"!
Hi Martin, thank you for your advice it has been so helpful. I have never struggled with insomnia before in my life. However, the past month or so has been brutal, I have been going to sleep at 5am-8am every morning and then having to work 9-6:30pm. Sometimes Im up for 24 hours and it's terrifying, bc i feel like I can't trust my body, and I develop such anxiety and OCD thoughts about not sleeping, fearing I will develop a health issue or complication due to lack of sleep. It's frustrating, and horrible and I am not sure if this sleep disturbances is caused by anxiety and stress or something else? How can I tell if I have acute insomnia, chronic insomnia, or just sleep disturbances? I believe at this point my body is used to such a long stretch of no sleep and such a routine of this horrible sleeplessness that my circadian rhythm is off. Do you have any helpful advice for getting my circadian rhythm back and helping me have ATLEAST 5 hours a night? Thank you, Martin.
Sorry to hear how difficult things are for you right now, Jennifer! Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do to make yourself get at least five hours of sleep each night because we cannot control sleep duration. In fact, it's our attempts to control sleep and avoid nighttime wakefulness that actually supply insomnia with the oxygen it needs to survive. Nothing in your comment sounds unique or unusual, so I don't see any reason why you won't find the information I share on this channel helpful!
Just wanted to say that I've been through this and hear you. I find it helpful just to know others struggle with this. Make sure you're not on new meds that caused this, like the Pill. Once you've made sure its not new meds that casused this, it's probably a vicious psychological cycle fed by cortisol (stress). Do things for your general health that lower your stress Tell yourself it will pass eventually. It will.
I’ve had bad insomnia for nearly a year now and I needed to hear this, I’ve been trying everything to make my sleep better from improving sleep hygiene to meditation to pills and all I think about is sleeping when I try to sleep... sleep efforts can paradoxically make it harder to sleep XD I’ll be viewing your videos, thank you for all the help to many.
@@SteveFoi my sleep has vastly improved over the long term simply from not worrying about how much sleep I get and being consistent with my sleep windows :) Still have bad nights here and there (I’ve always had some predisposition to that since I can remember) but as long as I don’t stress myself out over it my sleep gets back on track quickly enough :)
@@seanking6184 oh, i see. U know, as soon as the day starts, I try to ignore I had a bad night and do everything I'm supposed to do like a normal person: exercise, study, work, play games with friends and all that stuff. But at the very moment I close my eyes to sleep, I remember I'm an insomniac and the cycle returns. ☹
@@SteveFoi Your brain will probably continue to play the "I'm an insomniac" soundtrack as though it's the world's number 1 hit record - however, it's just a soundtrack. It's background noise - a thought. Nothing more, and nothing less. Sometimes it can be helpful to acknowledge the thought (rather than trying to get rid of it) and then redirect attention toward the present moment (those comfy sheets, how the pillows feel, how your body feels) and perhaps even to consider what activities you will be doing tomorrow that help you live the kind of life you want to live, regardless of how you sleep and regardless of the radio station your brain decides to tune in to?!
I watched this video, as well as the video on Cindy’s postpartum insomnia today. I cried two minutes into her speaking because I was so relieved to hear someone else talking about my own personal struggle. My baby is now 5 months and sleeping 10-12 hours a night, and I’m still having occasionally fully sleepless and several poor sleep nights. The pressure I put on myself to sleep when the baby was sleeping, and the loss of all my sleep hygiene and predictability in the early days, paired with my PPD/PPA experience, meds, and then weaning off of meds.. it all just snowballed into me having no idea how to sleep naturally or regularly. I’ve got lists of sleep hygiene rules to follow and I’ve googled myself into a hole. This week I have decided to focus solely on abandoning my overthought sleep efforts, as well as my isolating safety measures, and limiting my time in bed. Wish me luck and thank you for giving me a new lens to look at my sleeplessness through
Worry and other difficult thoughts and feelings are natural and normal. They sure can be difficult though - especially if we get tangled up in a big struggle with them by trying to fight or avoid them.
@@saoirsecarruthers8384 Have you tried going to work, just as an experiment, to see whether you are completely incapable or whether you might be at least somewhat capable or productive? If nothing seems to help the insomnia, perhaps that suggests that ongoing effort to fight or avoid insomnia might not be an approach that's getting you closer to where you want to be?
So if I haven't slept in a day or 2 and I need to keep doing all the things I normally do..say I want to and I do them..but my body is aching so bad..head ache, chest pains, burning eyes, palpitations..just feeling yucky in general and can't focus....how do I deal with that ? Thanks for replying in advance
Well, what's the alternative to doing things that matter to you? The only alternative I can think of is to do less (or none) of the things that matter to you when all this difficult stuff shows up. Is that going to make things better?
Currently tired but wide awake at 4am. I'm usually tired during the day, then wake up at night. At 4pm I was struggling to stay awake. Any idea what could cause that?
Waking during the night is a normal part of sleep, so that - in itself - isn't unusual. When you wake at night, why do you think you find it hard to fall back to sleep?
Pre baby I conquered my Insomnia (more or less) by just accepting it and moving on. I still had bad nights, and could rarely sleep before an anticipated event or different location, but I was much better. I believe I have some other sleep issues going on (nocturia, OSA) that I never addressed, but the anxiety was pretty much gone (with good sleep hygiene and bed time routine). It took two years of struggling. Now, I'm right back where I was. I have started Anxiety medication and am able to fall asleep, but I wake 3 times to use the restroom (stress, baby delivery, and weak bladder), get back to sleep mostly fine, then wake around 4 in the morning as that's when baby used to need me. Now struggling with this new issue of morning waking. I know I just need to abandon sleep efforts as I did before. But I don't know if I should continue the acceptance path with the new morning waking, or implement light therapy and sleep restriction (never did those before). I'm asking my Dr to send me to sleep lab as I do need to investigate why I have such broken sleep. It's clearly postpardom anxiety, but also the nocturia and potential sleep apnea could be barriers. Again though, I'm looking for cures. I just need to relax and carry on with life, which I have been getting better at. It's a huge anxiety for me though and I'm re-learning to cope with it and cope with being a new Mother at the same time (baby no longer sleeps in my room). The added fixation of baby sleep is also not helping, luckily she sleeps well, but I was OBSESSED with her naps for the longest time, over that now. Please please if you can advise if I should make efforts with the morning waking and fragmented sleep or just keep on keeping on. That being said, I'm going to go make breakfast and get on with my day.
That sounds really difficult - thank you for sharing. If you know from experience that sleep just cannot be controlled, it might be worth moving away from trying to control sleep (while also being kind to yourself). You might find my podcast episode with Cindy helpful, too: How Cindy tackled the insomnia that appeared after her baby was born by accepting nighttime wakefulness and eliminating safety behaviors (#31) - insomniacoach.com/cindy-insomnia-acceptance-ep31/
What if you have years of difficult nights And what if your job actually could be dangerous if you don't sleep? Or would if getting to your job driving through the mountains could be dangerous if you don't sleep? I understand what you're saying but I've had literally decades of chronic insomnia and don't understand how I can implement this fully
Thanks for sharing those legitimate concerns! People with chronic insomnia aren't usually excessively sleepy during the day (they tend to be fatigued rather than sleepy) so it's not too likely they'll fall asleep without warning. With that being said, safety should always be a concern and I would never suggest someone drives if they think they might fall asleep without warning. Do you regularly fall asleep without warning during the day?
Sorry to hear that - there's always a way out, though! Sally had insomnia for 60 years and was still able to put it behind her: insomniacoach.com/sally-insomnia-60-years-ep19/
Interesting perspective although somewhat different advice than my sleep specialist has me doing but I do understand the difference between actions for relaxation vs actions to force sleep. I guess a question I have is...you mention that there are only two things necessary for sleep. Why then, can I be exhausted and in a somewhat peaceful state of mind and still get barely any sleep that night whereas, before insomnia, I was sleeping 8-9 hours a night? Surely my body hasn't lost its need for sleep in six months. Is it all just an unconscious psychological fear/anxiety and how do I tackle it if it's unconscious?
Thanks for the great question, Brett! First up, it might be worth emphasizing that exhaustion isn't always the same as sleepiness. Ultimately, if you are in bed and sleep isn't happening then that might be down to one or more of the following reasons: 1. You aren't sleepy enough for sleep at that time 2. You are putting effort into sleep at that time 3. You are putting pressure on yourself to sleep at that time 4. You are trying to fight or avoid the thoughts/feelings that can come with nighttime wakefulness or are otherwise trying to control your mind at that time I hope there's something helpful here!
Am i doing a sleep effort by staying up to feel sleepy or getting decent excercise during the day not being sedentary as i know it builds more sleep drive is that an effort. Trying to stay off mobile phone screens at night - sleep effort?
Usually, we see people going to bed earlier - before they feel sleepy enough for sleep - as a way to chase sleep and try to make sleep happen. That's definitely a sleep effort. Staying out of bed until you feel sleepy usually means we spend less time in bed so I'm not convinced it qualifies as a sleep effort. At the end of the day, I guess this might come down to semantics and that might become distracting - so how about we reframe this as unhelpful sleep efforts (such as going to bed before conditions are right for sleep) and helpful sleep efforts (such as not going to bed until sleepy and being active during the day)?
@@InsomniaCoach thanks Martin yeah i definately see them.as being helpful. Im still working from home so my options are still quite limited for excercise and light first thing after waking up plus when commuting i would normally be up at 6 instead of 7. Is it cortisol that drives the arousal when your sleep drive gets overriden? I know it rocks the boat with circadian drive melatonin etc?
@@colinpatrick2729 Lots of people work from home and sleep just fine - just as many people aren't exposing themselves to light first thing or exercising first thing and yet still sleep fine! Cortisol is a stress hormone and our arousal system can temporarily suppress sleep drive, but sleep drive ALWAYS wins in the end!
@@InsomniaCoach thanks Martin just always confused as my cortisol was tested at 5 points in the day and before bed and it was within normal range and curve was normal too
@@colinpatrick2729 There's never any mystery to chronic insomnia - although it sure can feel that way! If you recognize yourself in any of the stories on the podcast or in any of the videos I share, then you will almost certainly find it helpful to implement changes that help build sleep drive, strengthen the body clock, and weaken the arousal system! This helps set the stage for sleep and ensures you aren't engaged in behaviors and/or thought processes that can perpetuate sleep disruption.
hi Martin, thankyou so much for your channel, ive suffered insomnia for years and finding this channel is a godsend. wanted to ask two things: whats your opinion on blue light blocking glasses? i bought a pair of truedark glasses and i would say they helped me alot, but perhaps this is a sleep effort. do you have any advice about stopping yourself waking up in the night? my primary insomnia is getting to sleep but also i often wake up several times needing a wee and would love to stop this.
Thanks for your kind words - glad to know you're enjoying the channel! I don't think blue light blocking glasses do any harm but they're not something I usually recommend since I have yet to hear from someone who found their insomnia was cured as soon as they used blue light blocking glasses (and that makes sense because chronic insomnia is fuelled by sleep-related thoughts and behaviors not exposure to blue light). Waking during the night is a completely normal part of sleep and usually only becomes an issue if we worry about those awakenings. Here's a video about this: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-329oFzXmwEM.html I hope this helps!
Well im not going to drive to work or use dangerous machinery if ive had no sleep…Your statement doesn’t apply to everyone’s circumstances unfortunately
If you feel you might fall asleep without warning then it's definitely not a good idea to engage in activities (such as driving or operating machinery) that require you to remain awake. Most people with chronic insomnia rarely fall asleep without warning during the day, though - that tends to be a symptom associated with other sleep disorders.
I think that depends on your goal, Demo! If the goal is to make sleep happen, then it's probably a sleep effort. If the goal is to help you move away from chasing after sleep by going to bed earlier, staying in bed later, and/or napping during the day, then perhaps it's the opposite of a sleep effort! Many people move away from a strict sleep window as they move away from engaging in a struggle with sleep.
I have a question if your Moto is being friend with wakefulness then why a wind down one hour before bed I can’t prepare my self shows when getting out of bed or watch tv shows before bed? A wind down seems boring and promote rituals also in your website no electrical devices what are u about you’re basically saying we should do doll things as I quote “a wind down” before bed which feeds the insomnia what is a wind down ? Wind down is a ritual I wanna watch tv shows and do enjoyable things I don’t want a wind down especially not 1 hour
Watching TV shows sounds like a good wind down activity to me - as you suggested, we probably don't want to add rules and rituals to our lives in a bid to influence sleep! It can simply be helpful to reserve some time before bed to do things we truly enjoy and find relaxing. At the end of the day, you are the expert on you!
this is actually quite difficult to do but yes, i remember the good old days when i used to go to sleep everyday at 3 am or whatever time i feel like and wake up 7-8 hours later. Now after insomnia i made a sleep schedule and still sometimes fail to get a full night sleep. Insomnia happened to me because of stress and drugs, but it is still somewhat continuing because of anxiety or to the fact that I am getting old.
Sleep changes as we get older but that doesn't mean we are destined to struggle with sleep as we get older. It sounds as though sleep used to be quite effortless for you in the past - perhaps there's an insight there that suggests you don't need to "do" anything for sleep to happen and that any "trying" might be creating a struggle that could be making things more difficult.
You're right, Sarah - it can be quite confusing! Ultimately, it all comes down to what our intention is when it comes to our behaviors. As soon as we add something to our life or remove something from our life with the goal of generating sleep, we create a sleep effort - and that can actually make sleep more difficult since sleep efforts can increase arousal. With the evidence-based cognitive and behavioral techniques I share on this channel, we look to address the thoughts and behaviors that perpetuate sleep disruption - and one of these behaviors is the implementation of sleep efforts. Our thoughts and behaviors can perpetuate sleep disruption because they can weaken sleep drive, disrupt the body clock, and increase arousal. So, on this channel you will notice that the majority of content is all about how to strengthen sleep drive, how to strengthen the body clock, and how to lower arousal - rather than what you can do to force sleep to happen (which is something we have no control over). I hope this helps!
Most of your stuff is so helpful Martin but the commenters have worsened my anxiety. I used to only suffer for insomnia for short periods because I thought it always went away.. these chronic insomniac story’s for decades are causing me so much stress
so i have an issue, i don't even put efforts to sleep or sometimes im not even stressed, but whenever i close my eyes my brain starts to focus on sleep, like it checks out every moment if im asleep or not even if i don't worry about it myself, it's like if i don't fall asleep immediately my mind starts thinking that i won't be able to sleep because im aware and it's just automatic i can't control it, it makes sleep harder, what to do about it?
Is it a safety behavior to avoid driving after a night or nights of little to no sleep? If avoiding all safety behaviors then I should drive to work and social events after no sleep…?
When I refer to avoiding "safety" behaviors I am not referring to behaviors that keep us physically safe from a very real and immediate threat or danger. Instead, I am referring to behaviors we implement in a bid to protect our sleep or protect us from experiencing certain thoughts and feelings. In your example, if you feel as though you cannot stay awake, it's probably not a good idea to drive! Thank you for the opportunity to clarify!
@@InsomniaCoach No! I am struggling. I used to have a vigorous routine as a driving instructor, when my husband was living in another city. Then he came back, it was December and during December we usually stop taking students. So what happened...my vigorous routine changed as my husband came back from the other city and started taking all house hold responsibilities. So, no driving students and no responsibilities. Now...maybe that was the reason why I stopped feeling tired at all. On the other side, I was having some family stress as well. Maybe that was a reason why I started developing insomnia.....don't know what exactly the reason was. Thing is....at 10 pm, I start feeling a bit sleepy so I go to bed and I try sleeping but instead of a deep sleep, I get a bit of strange "sleep" I cant explain it.....its like..going into the valley of sleep but returning back :)) And then I get up, but stay on bed....then after 1:30 I tell myself that now my mind has a right to sleep :)) Then I close my eyes......and I get a deep sleep until 5:30 am and then again I sleep until 6:30 am and then again at 7:30. Its all fine right? Its not bad.
@@sarwatsheikh8278 Your insomnia is pretty much a textbook example of insomnia, Sarwat! So, nothing unusual or unique is going on and this means that implementing the same techniques that people with insomnia have used to get their sleep back on track will almost certainly work for you, too! Since you are no longer working, it becomes even more important to add some kind of structure to your days. Adding enjoyable and enriching activities to your day will improve the quality of your day and prevent your mind from spending the entire day thinking and worrying about sleep. Being active also prevents you from being too sedentary, which strengthens fatigue. If you are currently going to bed at 10:00 PM and starting your day after 7:30 AM, this means you are allotting at least 9.5 hours for sleep. So, allotting a more appropriate amount of time for sleep would likely be helpful - as would getting out of bed whenever being in bed doesn't feel good. I hope this helps!
