Grief is Not a Life Sentence | Jesse Brisendine | TEDxCSULB 

death can be an opportunity to choose how we want to live and honor the memories of those we've lost.

I understand the struggle of dealing with imagined future moments after losing someone. It's like a void that can never be filled.

My heart broke for Jesse losing his friend and his dad within such a short space of time. The death of a parent is a major life changing event.

Grief can give us direction, purpose, inspiration when there was none before. Perspective is everything.

Finding ways to remember and cherish your loved ones while also living your life is a balancing act, but worth pursuing.

There's a lot to be said about focusing on the healing process instead of just wallowing in the grieving part of it all. Thank you!

It has been just under 1 year since my wife passed away. We were together for 34 years. I have heard, read, and viewed so much about grief and loss in that time, but this is the best talk I've listened to. The idea of moving from grieving to healing is on point. Thanks Jesse for this Ted Talk video.

RU-vid why oh why do you try and stop people from watching challenging subjects. This should be a talk you want people to hear and understand!

Jesse, you've provided something incredibly powerful and valuable with this Tedx talk. My 22 year old son passed away in 2016. I've worked at length with other mothers who've had children pass away; You highlighted, early in your talk, the subject of guilt and its role within grief. Everything you said after that addresses the very answer to arresting guilt over choosing to live a joyous, fulfilling life, in the very way I know my son would not just want, but actually DEMAND of me. Ben is no longer on this earth with me, but once I freed myself from guilt, I've enjoyed the magical experience of a whole new relationship with Ben. He's not gone or lost. He's never more than a thought away, and I've learned that moving forward doesn't mean leaving my son behind. I began the journey to peace and healing. I've chosen peace over pain, and embraced the many gifts, grace and gratitude that awaited me, if only I would take that first step. Grief is varied and complex, but it did NOT have to be a negative, painful, life long companion. Thank you for helping to get this message out to the masses. All the best, Cat Lind

This is such a beautiful message. Loaing my fiance Mike has been the most painful to experience of my life. I've been through some not so fun things but the loss of someone you were planning your life with is crippling. It wasn't just my day to day life that changed but I had to let go of all our plans and dreams for the future and try to create a new ones. The problem with that is that all I wanted was him. I didn't want to make plans without him. I didn't want to chase my dreams without him. I didn't want me I wanted us. It took some time but eventually the gratitude I have for the time we did have together became my focus instead of the pain of losing him. I know that he would never want any to see me throw my life away to grief. He would want me to live every minute to the fullest, Chase my dreams, and be the best human being I can be. And so I do those things. And whenever I do, I can feel him cheering me on and I know without a doubt that this separation is only an illusion. He lives on in me.

Lost my mom to Covid 3 weeks ago. I am still in so much pain. I found myself sobbing watching this because I know my mom would want me to be happy as she loved me so much. She wants me to be successful and achieve great things. She does not want me to stay sad and hurt all the time. I just miss her so much

I can definitely relate to him saying he equated the pain to how much he loved them, and then feeling like if you let go of that pain you were also letting go of the love. I'm thankful that I know better now.

Changing our focus can lead to healing... I know to some it can feel like a disservice to those who have passed to not show respect through mourning but truly, it's not a good way to celebrate them. If they loved us and wanted us to be happy while they were alive, the would still want that in death, and to look back at our memories of them with joy.

The concept of "healing groups" is a positive way for people to move forward and to reframe their grief.

What a wonderful way to start a talk by making us all terrified to go swimming again....thanks Jesse.

Thank you Jesse, I found so much of what you're saying here very helpful - especially the part about grief having no timeline

I have been attempting to read about different cultures and how they work through grief... I got more from this presentation than I have in the last 3 years of reading.

It's sad. It stays with us. But ultimately, it helps us grow.

Lost both my parents to covid-19 just in the last 2 months it's been just 3 weeks since I lost my mother. It is extremely hard I too feel guilty when am not in pain and being in pain made me feel closer to them and made me feel that I love them. This video has changed me I want to honour both my parents and you have given me a path Jesse. Thank you so much.

I remember watching Jaws in theaters. It was a thrilling experience, but I never thought about the emotional impact those kinds of deaths could have on children

Since the almost crippling grief since the loss of my parents, especially Mom almost a year ago, I have heard many suggestions from well intentioned friends including "your Mom wouldnt have wanted you to suffer and grieve this way". Your focus on healing rather than grieving by living my life in a way that would honor their legacy, living the life of happiness and joy that they would want me to live, really resonated with me this time. Maybe its the sincere and empathetic way you have of telling your story, I dont know. I just wanted you to know that you have deeply touched me and given me a little hope. I will be thinking about what you said for a long time.

Love what he says around the 8:00 mark, we absolutely have the power to choose where our focus goes and what our emotional response should be.

Love what he says about how we create our emotions based on our physical bodies! This is something so interesting and powerful that people really don't understand because it is discussed so rarely!

Smart young man with a great outlook.

I've never thought about grief in this way before, thank you for the new perspective.

International sunrise sunset day is such a beautiful tribute ❤ I would love to participate in spreading the love and remembrance because we should be living in honor of our loved ones. Focus on the healing and make each day count.

You were born for this. This talk will be helpful to so many, in many ways, for many years to come. "Healing groups" vs grief groups...love that so much🤩

I've watched this numerous times and it is one of the best ones I've seen for dealing with the loss of loved ones and how to honour their life. Thank you Jesse Brisendine. Everyone who has lost a loved one needs to see and hear this.

Person who has gone through grief, understood it and made a choice to choose healing. Every point highlighted, in a positive way, that’s incredible. Thankyou

I don’t know if you have any idea how much this video has helped anyone who has viewed it. Thank you , Jesse B

This talk was so powerful and provided a very fresh perspective on how to heal from the loss of a loved one. Thank you!

Congratulations on a great talk! I love the change in perspective from Grieving to Healing and Honoring. Powerful!

Jesse is SO amazing in what he teaches. He is a true inspiration and has helped me with my outlook in my daily life.

I understand the pain of losing loved ones. It's not just about time, but also about finding healing and moving forward

100% this! I’ve lost my mom, grandma, 2 dear friends to suicide and my sweetheart to suicide. I miss him the most. I’m starting a non profit for kids 9 to 12 to heal from trauma at a younger age and hopefully prevent some from repeating unhealthy patterns. Hopefully help them feel connected to others! And my sweetheart has been with me every step of the way! They’re truly closer than we know. Their spirits are still there!

I love that his first mention was Move forward....NOT MOVE ON!!! 7:00....TY...❤💔❤Creation was formed out of a commitment to move forward to honor thise we love

It's incredible how you turned your grief into something positive. Keep inspiring us with your journey!

Your talk resonates deeply with me. I've experienced loss too, and your words remind me that healing is possible.

this story was so relatable and his advice was truly helpful. thank you for sharing

Great Ted Talk. I love Jesse's perspective on healing and grieving. It took me three years to grieve after my daughter passed away. I buried myself in work so I didn't have to face my pain. I did finally grieve and learned to find the silver lining. This talk provides a new perspective and is helpful for me and will be helpful for others.

Wow. Just wow.

Excellent and helpful talk jesse. My friend was killed a year ago, and I was focusing on how unhappy I was, and it's been a nightmare, but this has made me see, that my friend would not want this.. He would want me to be happy.. And focus on that, instead of grief.. Focus on love and now. Thanks

What a powerful speech! I love that Jesse is strong enough to tackle the subject of death and grief with poise and true heart. While crying may be an external emotion, you can feel the emotion that radiates through his words. How he did this without breaking down is beyond me and makes me appreciate the man that he is that much more. Thank you Jesse!

Finding emotional leverage to move forward after loss is essential. It's about channeling our emotions into positive actions and growth.

The analogy of focusing on our hand and losing awareness of everything else is powerful. It reminds us of the importance of shifting our focus to healing.

Jesse has a way of explaining grief unlike anyone else I have come across. He draws from personal experience, meaning his coaching comes from an authentic place. Jesse is the life coach for people who don’t like life coaching.

Yes indeed Jesse - we have the ability to chose what we focus on in any given moment. We can change our focus to be happy, grateful or sad.

thanks for this great talk Jesse.

Beautiful!!!!! Thankyou 💗

I lost the love of my life suddenly in November 2019 we were married 20 years,I'm lost

My husband of 21 years died some 5 months ago. For about 3 months, I wallowed in grief, pain, sadness and loneliness. I searched the internet looking for ways to "get over it". I came across Jesse's video and it changed me. For me, the truth of honoring my husband by choosing to live my best life set my path from grieving to healing. Do I still sometimes fall back? You bet I do. It's then I hear my husband's voice telling me pick myself up and get going because this is not how he wants me to live my life. And forward I go. Recently I sold the house we both loved so much because it felt vacant without him. I fell back and fell hard. But if he could, I know he would have said something like, " You gotta move on so get going.", and it was alright again.

Today, I am interviewing for my dream job following the loss of my baby earlier this year. I came onto RU-vid to search for some inspiring music to get me through & this video was suggested to me. This was far more inspiring to me than any song could make me feel. I’ve lived under a dark cloud since January & today I have the chance to hopefully re-claim my life & do something to honour my baby’s memory. Thank you ❤️

Grief is a complex process, and everyone deals with it differently. Shifting focus may work for some and while I know it's not a one-size-fits-all solution, I can see how actively engaging in positive actions to honor loved ones can bring a sense of purpose and healing.

Thank you SO much for sharing this! I had already gone through the healing process following my late husband Tim's passing, but was unable to articulate just what I did to get from grieving to healing and wholeness. Now I see that I live to honor him, looking forward to the day I hear him say, "You did so GOOD, girl!" ❤ Thank you, again!

The death of a loved one is one of our greatest sorrows.Jesse speaks with such emotion to help guide all who are experiencing a loss and are lost in that dark hole of grief and despair, to find hope,end suffering and be able to move forward from grief to healing and truly honor our loved ones by celebrating and living as they would want us to.Powerful and inspiring.Awesome presentation,Jesse.

I think a lot of it ties in to your overall view on death and yes so much of that has to do with your conditioning from a young age. The stuff about shark attacks for him as a youth would definitely have had a weird impact on his psyche but I think if you have a healthy view on death it makes the grieving processes a lot easier.

Super awesome man, great to finally be able to see this after all the build up on Facebook! Especially with this topic, I'm sure Paul is looking down on you from heaven, with a really big smile, being proud of you "Shrek" 😊🙏

I've learned that we need to be able to accept our feelings before we're ready to heal. And it takes time to accept those complex feelings come with grief.

I have watched this a few times and it always bring me to tears. Your message is so powerful, because we all deal with the death of a loved one differently. We grieve differently, we process things differently in life and that is okay. When you say what would they want for us our loved ones, that is the exact thing that would help me heal one day at a time when my first love died and my uncle. The grieving process is always very hard, it was so hard for me. Not to say I don't have my days when I think of them and wish they were here or cry, those days do happen, but I always remember the good memories or feel their presence or see the signs they send, just little things, like seeing someone skateboard and that was what my first love did, so I think he is still skating his heart up in heaven or when I see a cardinal or rainbow, I think of my uncle. Those are the things I feel my heart with. If we listen with our hearts we can feel our loved ones with us always, ever present and if we look, they always send us signs from above. Jesse you have inspired so many people, helped, uplifted, encouraged and open your heart up to share your pain and stories with others and you have touched the lives of so many around the world. I know you have mine and there have been days that when you just post on Facebook things that have came at just the right time in my life. Thank you for being you and thank you for this powerful and beautiful message. Carpe Diem "Those we love don't go away. They walk beside us everyday. Unseen, unheard, but always near. So loved, so missed, so very dear."

So powerful! Amazing tools for shifting from grief to healing!

I needed this. Thanks so much.

Same here. I dont want the pain and grief to go away. If it goes away anytime in my lifetime, i would feel guilty

I never thought about the impact of grief support groups. Reframing them as healing groups can make a difference in people's lives.

Great talk Jesse, you are an AWSOME person, follow you for 6 years now and the first video i wachted was about grief, that helped me so much, thank you, love from the Neterlands!

Wow! Loved your talk. So Happy for you Jesse that you finally got to do a Tedx talk. I felt super proud watching you. I will be using your method of healing! As I have anniversary coming up this month. It will be 12 years since my husband passed away. Thank you so much Jesse!

Liked as much the second time. Thanks

I lost my wife 3 weeks ago, and your message was so inspirational. Thank you 🙏

Thank you

Thank you for the re-frame Jesse, it's easy to get carried away with your emotions and not take the time to seek a different viewpoint

❤️Wow, thank you for sharing your story and making this video. I just lost my beloved mom Jan. 2022 😭 and I’m in a lot of grieving pain. I guess I was just looking for answers and you have just nailed it. I will try to change my Grief Classes to Healing Classes on my own because nobody offers or calls it this. 😌 This is brilliant. 💕 I love your idea of the 1000 things to do challenge.💕 my condolences to you 💋💋

Thank you for sharing your powerful story brother. You are a beacon of light for many, and I am grateful to call you a friend.

…brilliant!

Great speech. You took a very painful time and embraced it in an uplifting, powerful and positive way which in return allowed you to heal and move forward. That is so inspiring. I know Gabe, your father and Paul all wanted that for you in their hearts and you are honoring that by keeping their spirit alive and well within you. Carpe Diem!! Thank you Jesse! 💕😁

Great message.. I needed this today. On my 14th wedding Anniversary Day today... I lost my husband May 6th to Glioblastoma. Only had 6 weeks with him after the day of diagnosis.. I am in complete and total grief still... But it helps me to know, after watching this, that my mind has already been preparing me to heal, and to go forth one day soon to honor my husband with our dreams we had.. Because I do know he'd want me to :'(

Jesse, what an amazing talk. You have such a powerful and genuine way of delivering your messages. This subject is really difficult to tackle. I love the idea of "healing groups" not only in overcoming grief over loss of a loved one, but applicable in many other forms of trauma, disappointments, and other negative emotions and experiences that we all encounter throughout our lives. Thank you Jesse for being a beacon of life and honoring Gabe, Paul, your Father, and anyone else that you have lost that was dear to you. They indeed are living through you and it shines brightly every day.

What a great talk! Thank you Jesse!

I've never been able to watch Jaws. I love your message. Lots of food for thought. 🤔😊

Jesse!!! First of all I keep crying over this video!!!! Lol... Its good tears though because it hits me hard.. In a very positive uplifting way!!! This is such a wonderful message on a subject we all have to face in life.. As hard as it is for everyone of us we all will experience losing a loved one... Family member.. Close friend.. We all will and the part that was most relatiable to me was the fact that we don't always know how to cope with it... Such sadness comes and a whole explosion of deep emotions come out of loss... Unfortunately most of the time we feel such sadness that its hard to find anything positive about it.!!!! This video teaches all of us that there is positive.. That we can think of death in a different way.. Our approach and our thoughts can be changed on it... We can move forward and think happy thoughts of their lives and the wonderful times we had together and how they would want us to move forward and live life even better..and celebrate their life by making our lives better the way they would want us to... Thank you Jesse!!! This video is a must to all!!! You are truly very inspiring and uplifting!!! Thank you!

I have been listening to TED talks on Greif since the passing of my 24 yr old nephew 7 weeks ago. Everyone offers a little piece of truth that has been helpful to me. Jesse what you said about not wanting to let go of the Greif because you feel a bond is so true. It’s as if Letting go of my pain means he is really gone forever. Thank you for your inspirational talk. Best wishes

Well done Jesse! This video made me laugh and cry. I for one found it helpful and all that you share is so genuine and insightful. I have had more losses in my life than I can count and dealing with death of a loved one at any age (9 years old for me) is something you can never be prepared for but for you to share your experiences with total strangers with a true desire to help others heal is a blessing. Thank you so much for being so honest and I hope you get a chance to do more talks like this one.

Oh I love the idea of creating an annual event to honor loved ones through sharing sunrise or sunset photos is beautiful.

Wow Jesse, that was an awesome presentation on a very difficult subject for anyone to openly discuss. You nailed it. It really seems to come down to a paradigm shift of perspective. I consider myself a highly sensitive person by nature, so sometimes my emotional responses can be real heavy. You are right, we all have the volition to choose what we focus on. Healing vs. Grieving! You are an inspiration to many and a much needed beacon of light. Thank you

I thank you for making this video... I was told to get over the loss of my two boys...

I lost my mom on mother's day, lost my little brother this leap year day, these Ted talks are really helpful, this gentleman gave me more tools to deal with all of this. Thanks y'all at Ted.

Grief can be a powerful motivator, especially in those cases where you have no answers for why someone chose to pass.

I listened to this 3 times in a roll.... it was so good. .. Thank you Mr Brisendine. . .

Having lost a spouse at a young age with a young son I experienced a very different type of grief that which is described here And felt a big part of my healing was going to a very deep and painful part of my grief which was raw and present ... I felt that if I didn’t feel my grief and pain in the appropriate time line some become stuck and are unable to move forward.. After 15 years now being widowed and raising a young son into adulthood i feel that the hard work and effort towards healing and the desperate need to be happy is what lead to the profound healing that I now have embraced! Now as a life and empowerment coach making choices is honestly a true and profound message to give to others Thanks Jesse it was a pleasure hearing your message

Fantastic Jesse!!! So proud of you!

Excellent presentation, Jesse. Your ability to be vulnerable is appreciated and this message important for many...Thank you for the authentic delivery....

Excellent video.

A thousand things in a year? That's amazing! I need to make my own '1000 Challenge' for happiness!

The concept of moving away from grief to healing is a game changer from anyone willing to embrace the process. Thanks Jesse for sharing this approach with us.

Wonderful speech. Thank you so much!!!

I wish that it was more a part of our cultural narrative to honour our loved ones with meaningful actions.

I guess it's tough for people like Jesse, if the death of a loved one is the only time you've experienced extreme sorrow you should count yourself lucky

Way to go to scare a 6 year old silly. Even hearing the music gets my heart racing.

My grandma was the first death I experienced. At the time I felt so removed from it and remember thinking who will make Christmas dinner?

Wow that was enlightening, uplifting & brought me some deep insights to my own situation. I’ve been watching your live chats on stuckness this week on FB (Maggie Sealtiel) and with the combination of the great insights from them and this I understand more clearly what I’ve been putting myself through. Thank you Jessie for all you’re doing & giving to the world 👏💖🙏

Awesome T-talk! It was about so much more than grief. Great lessons!

Why are we so uncomfortable about death? It's going to happen to us all. I wish we were taught to focus on the life lived, the good times shared and the spirit of the person which lives on.