Growing up "Ugly" & pretty privilege is REAL | journal entry ep. 3 

REMINDER TO EVERYONE: U ARE BEAUTIFUL ON UR OWN WAY❤ DON'T LET ANYONE TELL U OTHERWISE!

Going from an "Ugly" to "Pretty" person is a very traumatizing experience because i know that if i looked the same as i did a few years ago, i wouldn't be getting the same attention I'm getting now and people wouldn't be as kind to me. How i use to get treated by people in the past, when i was "unattractive" has given me serious trust issues and even though I've had a "Glow up", i still remember those horrible times when people were Nasty to me.

The thing is my personality didn't change much when I got prettier. It's just that people started accepting my "quirks" because it was seen as cute rather than annoying

in psychology class i remember learning how people think beautiful people are more likely to be morally good

"when people took photos of me I was like this not what I imagined myself to look like" Bro I can feel it . I never thought that someone else would also be feeling this way ...

Never getting any validation about your appearance when you’re a teenager or even until you’re a young adult can really mess with your self esteem

Can we also talk about the “growing up ugly” but never getting pretty? I honestly thought I found my peace with it at least for myself bc I believe I have other traits that define me (define humans in general more than looks) but I still don’t take pictures of myself, don’t like to look in the mirror, my profile pictures are never my face, I don’t get compliments, I always have to dress up more than my friends even for basic events. The only thing people complimented was my body bc I used to dance a lot and was quite “fit”. Not having the body of a 16 year old anymore who does sports 4 times a week was really hard for me to accept. And that made me realise that I had not found peace with being ugly. Even though I can critically think about the human obsession with looks/attractiveness/beauty standards and how harmful they can be, I still want to be attractive. The funniest thing is that I don’t have these standards for anyone else but me lol.

As someone who has lost pretty privilege, people do treat you completely differently when you're not conventionally attractive (aka perceived as ugly). Most of my guy friends that I thought were friends just started being so cold for apparently no reason. I now have a best friend, and she's really attractive, and even tho I love her, I just feel like a shadow to her sometimes. I feel like me being ugly makes her beauty even more outstanding. I feel like I can't have crushes, can't be sexual, and basically can't act as if I would like to act simply because I would look entitled. "How dare you be confident and have standards with a face and a body like that?" At this point, I'm trying to suppress all the parts of myself that aren't welcomed. I actively avoid meeting new people, especially men, not because they would fall for me, but because there would be a possibility for me to fall for them and I don't want to be humiliated like that. When you're ugly and you fancy someone, it's almost as if you were insulting them. I'm trying to convince myself I'll be happy alone, but some days are really hard.

I have facial dysmorphia because of my insecurities. Same photos look so different and my face seems like it’s changing in photos and mirrors when it’s not. It is horrible. Please people… please don’t make people feel bad about being “ugly”, because they’re not. ❤

Can we just normalise the awkward teenage years, please? How can people expect middle schoolers or teenagers to be objects of desire? They are literally children!

so…i got bullied my whole life for the way i was. Because, yes i was really ugly. I was completely against the beauty standard, dressed in an horrible way, had huge and horrible bangs (lol) and I got “bullied” a lot for that. + i destroyed my whole hair by trying to cut it myself and, during the last year of middle school a “friend of mine” came to me and told me “all the other classmates grew up, they became pretty while you still look ugly” and my crush was standing there, laughing. that hurt and that made me realise that i had to do something. during quarantine i worked on myself, not just my appearance but also psychologically! and i did! i started, slowly , trying to understand that i have this body and i gotta live with it for the rest of my life! i definitely feel pretty now, i became my own standard. don’t get me wrong, i still don’t take many photos but i’m trying, i’m getting better. UPDATE hi! this comment is pretty old. many things have changed in these 7 months. Yeah. I’m actually really pretty now :) I have MY conception of beauty and i fully embrace it. Just discovered that basically ALL the people that bullied me used to like me. YEP! one of them asked me out this summer and i was like “ew no thank you”. You can do this! work on yourself, FIND YOUR OWN BALANCE AND EAT THEM UP. I started to take a lot of photos and HEAR ME OUT. If you take a photo of the sky and it turns out horrible, do you blame the sky or the phone? The PHONE obviously seeing yourself through the camera is not the same as seeing yourself in real life!!! I wish you all the best

At the age of 14 i just realised that im not a grown woman but infact a developing child. I used to compare myself to 20+ year old women crying because i didnt look like them. And that caused me soooo much emotional baggage and self loathing. I developed an unhealthy ED and all kinds of stuff because i didnt look 20 at 10.

I’m 19 and still struggle with being insecure about my looks. It’s so exhausting, especially with the social anxiety i’ve struggled with my whole life too. My self worth was based on what other people thought of me, I care a lot less now but I still have a big lack of confidence.

Omg as a black girl I relate to this so much like too many of us are considered ugly, like everyone dont want to miss an occasion to remind us that fact, I remember being compared to a monkey and made fun of the color of my skin. The whole summer I avoided the sun

This is so relatable. I grew up “ugly” and just the “funny friend” and I even dimmed myself down at times, wouldn’t wear the things I liked or wanted to wear, felt so out of place, even tried to avoid getting too much attention towards me (I still do all these) cause I didn’t feel “conventionally attractive.” Now I’ve technically “glowed up” (why’s that even a thing?!?) I STILL find it so hard not to compare myself I have anxiety, an eating disorder, and a hard time with self love. I didn’t really grow up being pretty and the fact that people are now treating me so differently and view me so differently I find it hard t believe them and change my thinking is SOOO difficult and something I have to work on every second of the day.

I think it's crazy that some people don't think pretty privilege is real. Even now I notice a drastic changes in how I'm treated when I am dressed up nicely with my makeup done vs when I go out in a comfy outfit with my hair and makeup not done. I believe part of it has to do with the energy and attitude I have when I am dressed up and feel pretty and confident vs when I am not.

I was considered the “ugliest” girl in high school and early college. I wore baggy clothes to hide my body. I was actually skinny, but didn’t feel like it. I also thought I was underdeveloped because all the boys were obsessed with large breasts. Now, I realize people like all shapes and sizes and I feel comfortable wearing fitted clothing. But I still worry. Even now when people compliment me, I don’t believe it. I think they want something or are making fun of me. I made so many changes . But I still don’t wear makeup, or heels. I refuse. Also didn’t realize I had autism until later in life when diagnosed (wondering why people had trouble connecting with me). Now, I think I have the opposite of body dysmorphia. I think I look good until I see myself in the mirror or a photo of myself and I’m grossed out.

As a current teen I had friends telling me "I am prettier than you" , "you are the ugliest in our group" even though I honestly dont really care but it still hurt

I also grew up ugly (still haven’t had my glow up😭) and you are speaking STRAIGHT FACTS. I have friends who had proper glow ups and they say they hate it cause they don’t know who to trust etc bc all the attention they get feels fake and they struggle to trust people:(

grew up ugly too and the way people treat me differently after each major glo up just kept reaffirming me pretty priviledge is real, it's really messing with my head to realize how easy things can be when I'm just a little prettier.

Pretty privilege is very real! And very much alive even today. I’m 72. I started to come into my own the summer I was 16 years old. I grew out my hair, started to try dressing better, more confident. In college I came into who I was. My personality solidified, my style was there. My confidence bloomed. I have only gone to one high school reunion. When I arrived, you would have thought I was one of the most popular girls in school. I was a geek but I knew all the popular girls and got along with them. I got along with the athletic guys because I grew up with most of them. As I got older I started to get more male attention. I got a body, 34/23/36. My features became more like my adult self. I double takes from people I grew up with. I felt good but not head turning.

I don't think you have a clue about how well spoken you are, truly an inspiration

As a 27 year old guy, I can really relate to this video. Growing up I was overweight and never had a girlfriend. I lost the weight at 16, but it wasn't until my early 20s that I "glowed up". The difference in how people treat you is pretty insane actually.

honestly sometimes i just feel disgustingly ugly like i don't even like looking in the mirror i'd just somehow feel disgusted with myself and i don't even consider using makeup cos it feels like i'm too ugly to even try, like my brain would just go "why'd you have the audacity to..." honestly very glad it's normalised to wear masks now, i can't go out without them anymore

I had a very similar story as well. Grew up ugly, ungroomed, unfit, and unpopular. ONLY focused on academics. I was a huge anime and fandom nerd bc I needed an escape from my terrible high school days. Once I graduated, got into my dream uni, I spent the summer furiously learning how to do my makeup/dress better. It’s so fucked because a pretty classmate ignored me all throughout school. After glowing up, suddenly she reached out now that I’m ‘acceptable’ to hang out with.

As a boy, who built muscle, grew 11 inches in high school, and got new clothes in adult life, I noticed that too. Used to get made fun of for my size and looks, afterwards it all just magically disappeared, if anything got the sense, some people actually fear you a bit now.

Pretty privilege exists no matter how hard some people deny. People normally tend to perceive beauty in various ways whether positively or negatively ( like jealousy), as long as we’re humans this concept includes ourselves too. The crucial issue comes when people rely on others’ validation to feel validated. It’s okay not being treated special by others based on your looks. Don’t give people the power to make your own life heaven or hell.

I resonate with this so much! Growing up “ugly” especially with bad acne and being on the heavier side, entering middle school was literally like a war zone with the names you’re called or how you’re treated and you basically never feel as worthy as your pretty friends. Fast forward and I hit my “glow up” if you will, clear skin, started working out so a lot more fit, and finally felt the pretty privilege benefits. but then I was in a car accident and I broke my jaw in 6 places and lost half my teeth so it’s like I’m back to square one again and the ugly younger version of myself and all the insecurities are even more amplified🥲🙃

at my teen years, even though i never thought that i was "ugly", i always knew that i wasnt "pretty" enough. i was scared to wear make up or dress up nicely, because i was feeling that people would judge and make fun of me. i wont take selfies or even look in the mirror. i thought people would say "why is she trying to be pretty, when its clear that she is hopeless with that face" and it didnt really bother me at that time, but looking now, i still cant find the courage to wear pretty clothes and fix my make up at public places. thank you for this video 💕

I prefer staying at home and avoid going anywhere outside BECAUSE i feel like everybody will stare at me and think that I'm the ugliest thing they've ever seen. I even sometimes felt bad for my friends because i thought it'd be embarassing for them to hang out with me. I graduated high school and is waiting for my college admission. I'm absolutely terrified of becoming a loner in college because of my face and of interacting with other people.

Not a subscriber (the algorithm brought me here) but I'm so happy content like this is being made and conversations are being had around pretty privilege/beauty standards. I'm turning 30 in August and never felt attractive in high school, if anything - I felt like I was the friend who helped highlight and heighten the beauty of those around them. It was shitty but gave me the time and space to focus on other things about me: my intellect, my ambitions, my creative passions, etc. And thankfully doing that helped bring me closer to people who thought differently and who were willing to take a step outside of the norm of what others defined as "beautiful". Best advice I ever got from a friend's older sibling was to be fearless and not allow the opinions of others to box me in. Rambling but anyway, younger me would have loved this video. Wishing you well 💕

this video is one of the only realistic ones that talks on the topic of going from "ugly" to "pretty" and also shows the traumatizing sides of it. I remember all of elementary and half way through middle school I was always seen as the ugly funny friend before I was ever seen as just a friend, and those feelings still lay within a lot of us, even when we do get a "glow up." i relate heavily to the whole "would these same people still treat me and view me the same if i still looked the way I used to?" because it's still a valid question to ask, because society really does affect how people are treated if they look a certain way, even if they don't realize it. I loved this video and i can't wait to watch more of your content!

The snowball effect it creates is so deep and hard to untangle. Because I was the anxious, shy kid when I first went to school I became the punchbag of the bullies. Even when the bullying got better I was still the one who would never fit like the others because of how I was already perceived. My sense of worth got so messed up, I believed there was something wrong with me, I believed I was ugly. I was the punch bag of the other kids so no guy would be romantically interested and after a while I put in my head that I was not good enough to be loved. I grew up without living the typical teenage love. When you're older and no guys have ever shown interest in you it is extremely scary once it finally happens and your avoidant personality will take over and deny it because you don't have experience and it makes you afraid and feel like you're not prepared, you're still so full of self-sabotage thoughts too like you'll never believe someone finds you truly attractive or interesting. So the longer it goes the harder it feels like to ever engage romantically because you'll look naive and silly with 0 experience when it feels like everyone your age has it. Since you tend to isolate yourself and probably have few friends you don't get invited for things like clubbing, or just going out in general which leads to a feeling that you're living wrong and that you are behind in life and letting life slide without living these things. Because you don't have as many experiences you feel even more insecure. Then if you don't post on social media because you feel ugly and your photos make you so insecure, it feels like another way that you're isolating and not putting yourself out there so ofc it's harder to find people romantically interested in you. And this snowball effect get's so messy that you don't know where to begin, there are so many layers of the "problem" that you lose all motivation just thinking about it.

the part about having no idea what you look like, and developing a completely different version in ur head honestly destroyed my self confidence, i just have no idea how to perceive myself or how others perceive me. i have never really received any compliments for my appearance, whereas my friends around me have always received an abundance of this. i’m working on loving myself but it’s honestly very difficult. love your channel by the way, you’re so comforting!

As a 47 year old "ugly" woman. I found posture and confidence really helped me find my feminine and sensual energy. It took years to find my inner confidence which came from l3arning who I am. Best lesson. Lovevwho you are for you.

First of all thank you for making this video. As an normal Asian girl I felt so ugly. Pretty privilege really exist. When you are more pretty or cute, people wanna be friend with you. I don't wanna look myself in mirror.I also don't take pictures myself.I am still trying my best to overcome this mentality. Your video makes me think a lot of things that I unnoticed before.Thank you so much.I hope you will make this kinda video more. you really speak well.I would like to hear other topics from you.🤍

im in my awkward teen phase and this is comforting to me because a lot of other girls my age seem to be more put together but ive been struggling a lot with self image and all that

this hit...learning to love myself along my journey of self discovery but being called ugly and fat in middle school and high school always pulls me back. thank you for this and also to all the comments! i don't feel so alone along this journey

What’s most annoying about having a “glow up” is that all these years I’ve spent building a personality which hides insecurities while also being a fun person around means nothing to people, I don’t feel pretty, I feel objectified

I experienced the exact same thing, from an ugly person to when I gain a little bit of pretty privilege. I went to high school most of the days felt like a walking mess, all my friends were pretty, and they literally knew that they were, and I wasn’t. When ur pretty & confident, attention is so obvious and people treat you different.

wow this is the most relatable thing ive seen. People used to make fun of my looks, and i also wasn't a very fun person to be around so basically without looks and a fun personality i was "nothing." I started going on social media, experimenting with makeup, making a new personality, and changing my style and people started asking to be my friend and they do seem nicer to me definitely. I sometimes wonder how those friends I have now would treat me like if i was who i was back then. I think people judge others too much based on just looks and never give them any chance to talk before they make assumptions, they think your style tells everything about your personality. I became the type of person to never leave others out, I've had experiences when people tell me a joke about someone based on what they're wearing or how they "act," such as, "look at that girl, she thinks she's all that" and it just has me thinking like?? how do you know how that person thinks of themselves, if your only judgement is their looks.

I’ve always been deemed conventially attractive, but there was a huge shift when i cut my hair off. Suddenly i wasnt pretty enough anymore and there really was a huge shift in how people treated me. Note that this was in my final 2 years of highschool, so people were pretty judgemental. Thanks to this period of short hair, i learnt to grow thicker skin and work on myself and my insecurites and i am glad i cut my hair off. If i hadn’t done that, i wouldn’t be able to call myself pretty today and wear whatever i want

I could really relate to your point of feeling free to be "more yourself" now that you're prettier. You said you feel like you're allowed to be more introvert because you don't have to put yourself "out there" as much when you weren't perceived as pretty to make up for what you lacked in appearance. I experienced the opposite of this. When I was ugly as a child and teenager I felt trapped into being awkward and inferior. My personality was a reflection of my outer appearance, but now that I'm more confident in my appearance I feel more myself because I feel like I'm allowed to have a bubbly and cute personality.

Ah so happy I found out about your channel ! It feels like a big sister talking to me. Also I think so much of this “late bloomer ” is also based on racism. I’m a black girl and all the girls who told me about growing up “ugly” are always very pretty Asian/black girls 😓 we aren’t allowed to be simple teenage girls, we have to walk out the womb looking like Instagram models. Lol

It’s sucks growing up ugly because I was always questioning if I was ugly because I was actually ugly or if I was ugly because I was Asian. Boys would called me pretty, hot, or ugly. But that was about it. They never wanted to date me. I’ve never had a boyfriend. I don’t know what it’s like to be “pretty” . I just wanna feel pretty enough for someone. I just wanna feel enough. I just wanna be enough 😞

This is so insanely accurate its actually insane how ive been through the exact same thing. I also grew up ugly and was bullied relentlessly, cast aside and rejected which made me extremely depressed. My coping mechanism was food. I didn't know how to do makeup, i had bushy eyebrows and I was overweight. That was my highschool experience. Then came uni. Year one i started to experiment with makeup. I didnt know what suited me and did trendy makeup instead of makeup that suited me. I experimented with my style. Wore a lot of outfits that didn't suit me. It was a very awkward transitional phase. Sidenote im ugly. So unless I put in an insane amount of effort I don't even look average. 3d year of uni I finally found my style. Found what suits me. I took care of my appearance and put effort into my outfits. This is the year I started making friends and getting attention from guys. Until I had my "glow up" no one gave a f about me. If anything they went out of their way to make my life miserable. The difference in the way people treat me is insane. I love this video and im glad im not alone in this experience.

she: "growing up ugly" me : "growing up ugly and poor" lets cry together 😭😭😭😭😭

I remember my senior year prom I felt like I looked so incredibly good but then I got the pictures back and literally had a melt down. It was baaad. I saw the pictures and legit freaked out; I texted me girl friends, I texted friends that weren’t in my group, I even texted my date asking if I was ugly. I just saw the pictures and thought I looked so ugly and I felt bad that my date was stuck with me because I thought I looked so good at the time but actually looked awful. All my friends told me I looked great, my date said he thought I looked stunning, but I was still not convinced. About a week later I looked back at the pictures and I was stunned because I looked great. I mean I still don’t think I looked the best I could’ve, but I def looked prettier than usual. I don’t know if I just got in my head because of growing up ugly and now being seen as somewhat pretty has thrown me off and, like you were saying, idek how I look now. Idk I was literally going crazy over how bad I looked and then a week later thought I was the bell of the ball. Maybe it’s just teenage hormones? I was so embarrassed afterwards because I probably looked like I was fishing for compliments or something. Luckily my friends and date were all super nice and understanding so I think they kind of understood

God this was so relatable, I used to get bullied by so many people for the way that I looked and I wouldn’t say Im “pretty” now, but I’ve definitely grown into myself more and become a little more confident in myself, but sometimes the trust issues and self confidence issues just hit really hard. Growing up “ugly” can be so traumatizing, but I’m glad I have people now who are much nicer than the people in my childhood were :)

This is so damn relatable. I lost weight and started wearing contacts, styling myself better and the way people treated me changed, i was noticed more, i felt like my self worth was more valuable. Thats pretty fucked up, the world is so shallow 😅

I can really relate bc in high school I also didn’t fit the beauty standard and wasn’t not seen as beautiful. However, as time has gone on I have grown in confidence as well as my identity. I use to not wear dresses either since I also was super self conscious of how I would looked. That has drastically changed and now enjoy wearing tube dresses and ones that show my figure. Let me tell you though it took a long time to get to this point. Thank you so much Via for sharing your story. It’s not easy opening up or being vulnerable❤

when you said "i wanted to be treated like a human being, so i'm going to dress myself up" i felt that so much. i hate going out when i am wearing casual clothes and no makeup (because i struggle with bad acne) and when i make the conscious effort to put myself forward as "put-together," it genuinely makes me feel pretty. maybe i am lying to myself, but that mental switch of "oh, i feel more confident in this than before" is so helpful for me to feel like a person and to socialize more comfortably. this was a really lovely vlog, i am new here and definitely want to check out more of your videos :)

this is so relatable ugh😭 i grew up as a mixed blasian kid in predominantly white areas so i always thought that i was ugly but i was actually pretty cute and now that i'm almost done with high school a lot of ppl think i look good and its so hard changing your perspective of yourself when ppl never paid any mind to you before

It’s crazy how much I relate to this. I started tearing up a bit because this just summarized my 19 years of life. I’m genuinely so grateful that you spoke abt this, just because I felt so seen, it felt like wow it’s not only me! Even tho I knew that it’s not only me this felt like a hug from an older sister who experienced life a lil more. Thank you ❤

Hi Via! I totally get it! I couldn't fit in during my high school years because I was overweight and I also didnt really care about my appearance. But during the pandemic where I got to truly focused on myself, I got into shape, took care of my skin and also started experimented in my clothing choices. Now when I get complimented, it definitely does feel funny. And surprisingly enough, I was talking with a very good friend of mine literally just yesterday, on how if we were still the same people years ago, would our friends now still be friends with us? Honestly, growing up ugly definitely gives makes us feel guarded, I only have one friend that I would actually willingly go out with because there's still a fear of being judged. But overall, im glad we finally found ourselves and got to embrace some parts of ourselves that we didnt get to before.

I feel so close to your personality …especially when you said that you don’t know how you look like and you look at your flaws. its the same for me. I always struggled with my body and sometimes I like myself and taking photos ect but other times not especially when other people take for me I’m 26 and I still looking for my real self … I m also always scared and stress about what other people think about me and how I look like to them Even post a photo makes me anxious But I just learned that people actually don’t even care always about how you look like So I’m working on it trying to don’t care so much about what other think about me every day… it’s not easy especially with social medias standards but I try to stay positive because it’s my life and we live just once Thank you for share this with us Xoxo ❤️

Yeah that bit at 9:35 is very very true. You may not fit the beauty standard but you can do things for yourself that make you feel beautiful. I was asked once what I'd rate myself and I said I'm aware I'm objectively average (combination of both symmetrical and disproportionate features) so I'm about a 5, but I wear and do things that make me feel like a 10. I spend a lot of time taking care of my hair and nails, and I buy myself pretty dresses and perfumes and accessories. That stuff makes me feel like a 10, and im totally happy with that.

I never really noticed the effects of getting bullied for my appearance till high school when I noticed that I hid my face when I laughed in fear of people seeing my teeth, trained myself to smile without showing teeth, and stopped wearing my glasses. No matter how many people call my smile cute or pretty I don't know if I'll ever be able to believe them.

I went from 'ugly' to 'pretty' to 'ugly'. And yes pretty privilege does exist. I was sort of invisible till I was 15. No boys wanted to be friends with me. I was a shadow behind all my pretty friends. Boys just wanted me as a messenger to talk to my pretty friends. After that from 16 to 18 I moved to another school and I was suddenly pretty. Everyone started noticing me. Even the boys that weren't my friends in my old school began talking to me saying I didn't realise you were this pretty before. The attention was really overwhelming. Everybody suddenly wanted to be friends with me. After school life, when I started college I was ugly again. I became invisible as before. Nobody wanted to talk to me especially boys. I sort of developed a detachment to boys because they made me insecure and now I'm not at all comfortable to talk with boys anymore. It doesn't matter whether it is a relationship or friendship I guess beauty matters a lot.

our lives are so similar omg, except i'm from singapore. before 18, i was so focused on doing well for my A levels that i didn't have the time to care about my appearance. i had severe acne, which i couldn't control anyway and i got made fun of/criticised by classmates, relatives and strangers for it. then i got into university, and i started having more time to explore makeup and fashion. i wore contacts, my braces came off, and i got medicine for my acne too. i'm 22 now, "prettier" and generally more confident, but i still don't know how i actually look like. i also feel "ugly" when i don't dress up. i think subconsciously, i dress up partly for validation or out of fear that i'll be ignored/looked down upon if i'm in my original "ugly" state. i want to feel more comfortable in my own skin, even without contacts, makeup and nice clothes. but sometimes it feels like i'll always be affected by the way i'm perceived and i don't know if i'll truly be able to establish my own identity independent from society's beauty standards. i guess technically it's impossible because we're all social creatures, but being constantly aware of society's judgement might just give me an existential crisis lmao.

Thanks for uploading this, I feel like this is something a lot of people can relate to. Growing up "ugly" really defined how I acted in life and held me back a lot. I was always made fun of my weight, by students and teachers, even my own family members; I'm mid-sized, at an average healthy weight, and back then I was at a normal weight, but I wasn't skinny, either. It led to one of the eventual causes of my eating disorder. I stopped trying to dress up or do my hair, I would straighten it all the time, and I never bothered to care much for my hygiene and looks -- it was a very bad stage in my depression where all I could focus on was dying than actually doing anything to get better. It's only been a few months of actually building my own sense of style, leaving my hair curly and dying it and getting it styled, working on my body, and taking care of myself, that made me realize how much that also impacts your mental health in a good way. It's safe to say that a lot of the bullying I faced has traumatized me, but I'm also glad it happened, or else I wouldn't be so proud of the person I am today.

I was bullied my entire childhoods bc I was black and ugly. No one liked me and when I got to my 20s I'm not sure if I became prettier (trauma) or bc I just stopped caring? I find it hard to believe I'm beautiful mainly because of my self worth. I keep convincing myself people be around me bc they pity me etc I'm so tired of myself I hope to fix my negative mindset someday sigh and realize I'm beautiful inside and out.

I wasn't necessarily an ugly guy, I was just another awkward teen trying to survive puberty. But now in my 20s I'm realizing just how much it has impacted my self esteem. The first time a complete stranger came up to me and showed romantic/sexual interest, I was flabbergasted. It was at a concert, and out of the corner of my eyes I saw this girl and thought "wow, she's so gorgeous," and then I moved on and didn't think about her because the possibility of anything with her wasn't even something I had considered. So you can imagine my confusion when she came up to me and started hitting on me, even offered to buy me a drink (one of my first doses of pretty privilege). I was literally like "why is she talking to me? Does she want something from me?" It's not that I thought girls couldn't be interested in me, it was that I had resigned myself to the fact that I needed to win people over with my personality first, so the thought of someone being interested with no prior information besides how I looked was foreign to me. It was that day that I went home, dug up old pictures of me, and looked at my current face in the mirror really, really carefully and came to the conclusion that I was somehow good looking now and I hadn't even realized it. And that was the start of my body dysmorphia. I was wearing a mask all through out COVID and this was one of the first times I went out to an event without one and I hadn't even realized the change that took place over 2+ years. I had my own income now, invested in my own clothes, spent money on skin care, hairstyle, personal grooming, but I hadn't even noticed that all that effort had gradually paid off. Still, I can't see or believe myself as "attractive," just because of how much of my teen years were spent with me trying to accept myself the way I was and convincing myself that this is how I looked and that's okay. That outdated self image of myself is stubbornly stuck with me. Last week during a lecture, when I was taking off my jacket, I heard a girl behind me whisper "he's so hot" to her friend, and I was so overjoyed to have overheard it that it made my whole week, but at the same time I kept convincing myself "no silly, she probably said 'it's so hot'," even though it's January and cold as fuck. I think I need time to come to terms and gain more self esteem.

Giving a big warm hug to your younger self 🫂💓 Middle school Via is and still beautiful! 🫂💓 You are a beautiful person in and out, Via! ✨ Thank you for this vlog. I am sure a lot of us can relate to this ! ✨💓

Pretty privilege is SO real. I changed drastically last year (cut my hair, new glasses, my style also changed) and honestly, I don't know if it's me becoming more extroverted and confident, but now I get regular compliments from people, they pay attention to me more, I also feel like people notice me more and I'm allowed to take up more space. Also, all your "weird" and "nerdy" personality traits suddently become normal, or quirky. If "ugly" me would tell people I play video games and watch anime, they'd always take it with a weird look or even mock me. Now people are more open to me about their interest in the same things aswell. I also still get made fun of by some people from my old class that find me annoying or something, but they rather act like I'm annoying or that my insecurities and shyness (that I still have due to being bullied alot) is silly, instead of making fun of my appearance or literally everything I do. Not to mention, that confidence gain likely only happened because I now looked "better"

what you described as your high school self pretty much sums up myself rn haha 😭😭im in 11th grade, overweight, focussed on academics, have only a couple friends. one of my goals this year is to do well in acads but also as a personal goal im trying to be healthier. ive started working out since feb and ive been loving it. my progress is pretty slow so far, but im learning to love the journey more than the outcome ^^ people in my life have always told me that "i have potential" "i can look beautiful if only i just **tried**" "if i was more confident" etc. etc. so you know what, ive started to try. and i hope what people said is true. because if it isnt, i dont know what ill do with myself to be honest. :') ty for the video! this topic means a lot to me and i relate to it a lot. i just subscribed

I grew up as a pretty girl, since then I gained weight and transitioned. I'm still mostly perceived as a woman, just very much not a conventionally attractive one. It's honestly wonderful. I feel so much more safe walking in the street, men don't bother me anymore. I can just mind my business and do my thing. My heart truly goes out to women, they all deserve to feel safe wherever they go.

this journal entry speaks volumes to my experience, especially in the search of finding my own identity in college. I was told by others around me that “I look different from when I was younger,” which I interpreted as a backhanded compliment to say I now fit more of the conventional beauty standards even tho the journey to improve my self-image came at the detriment of my own mental health. it’s so refreshing to hear your own experiences and perspective on the topic, hope we can continue on this path of acknowledging & prioritizing our own internal worth!!!

So in middle school I had this crush that was really goth and fashionable. I ended up finding out that they liked me back at like 2 days before the 8th grade dance and it actually made me suffer more than happy because I was overweight. I was constantly questioning myself “am I worthy of them liking me back” “are they really serious about this” because i was an introvert and they wanted me to ask them out. Thinking about it now, I think I might’ve missed one of the best opportunities for a good relationship because of my insecurities. So life lesson learned lmao

growing up as a brown girl in the South I relate to this so much, especially with how you said you tried to be more outgoing freshman year of college cause that's exactly what I've been doing. everyone in college thinks I'm an extrovert but I'm just trying to make sure people have a reason to like me and if I am introverted like I have been my entire life I'll be alone. Seeing this video was like an eye-opener for me I fr need to stop putting on a performance with my personality so that people like me because it is exhausting

i love this video. i definitely fit the beauty standards a lot more than younger me, but i still dont feel pretty. I grew up as the only black girl when features such as big lips and thighs wasnt considered beautiful, i was also overweight a big part of my childhood causing me several eating disorders. it was only recent two years people have started to compliment my looks and not only the compliments, people actually treat me so much more nicely. ive never been loved, no one ever wanted anything to do with me before recent times. i know everyone is beautiful in their own way, but i dont think i'll ever consider myself beautiful. my brain is just programmed to think everyone telling me im pretty is lying or if i ever think so myself, im just being delusional. ive for a long time been the loudest mot extroverted person in the room, just bc i wanna be noticed and thats something im trying to change. i really needed this video, thank you.

god i started crying at the end of the video, all the things you're listing really hit home. I've never really struggled with the not feeling pretty enough bc i never really cared about what i looked like until 2020 where i started looking into "what do i like?" "what are the clothes, haircut, etc i like?" but i struggled, still struggle with the "not feeling good/interesting enough for people to approach me" this defintely also has to do with like you said the 'trust issues' that we develop over time by hearing the most awful things from peope who are supposed to be your friends. Im also at this time where id love to have more friends and trying hard to open myself up to people. But it's hard bc there's always something in you that thinks "if i change myself to be more extraverted or try too hard, is it even worth it? Is it still me? And if i try to explain to people that i normally really struggle to talk they always say "you're talking a lot right now though?" it's always as if im not showing the real me but at the same time it's still me? idk why im typing all of this under your video. But maybe it's because we're the same age and i can really relate to everything you just said that i feel comfortable enough typing this. I really wish i had you as a friend.

i was in high school during the years 2009 to 2012 and the beauty standard at that time was pin-straight hair, paper thin eyebrows, and virtually nonexistent lips. i have thick wavy hair, bushy caterpillar eyebrows, and naturally full lips. plus glasses on top of all that so basically i was the poster child for the "before" image of a makeover challenge in that time period lmao. back then even girls that naturally had the straight hair youve ever seen would wake up at 5 am on a school night to fry the shit out of their hair with a straightener turned up as hot as it could go. like i had no chance in hell trying to keep up with those insane people. these girls would openly make fun of you too if they noticed you didnt perfectly straighten that morning. the closest to the ideal us with thick/wavy/curly hair could achieve was a frizzy dehydrated mess at BEST. it was even worse for girls like my younger sister's best friend. she was one of the only black girls at our school and that poor soul did so much damage trying to straighten her own hair, its a miracle she still has any hair left. like she practically lived at our house, but i never saw her even once with her natural curl pattern until a good few years after we were both out of high school. no joke teens were fighting for their lives out there. it was also the worst period for fashion pretty much ever. like if you didnt dress head to toe in exclusively hollister brand clothing that was 2 sizes too small, you were quite literally a social pariah. american eagle was a permissible alternative, but if you wore abercrombie you were on THIN ice. these were the holy trifecta of popular girl clothing and there were No Other Options. every single item had to have a logo on it and people would call you out if you committed the sin of "brand mixing", which was such a stupid concept when all three "approved" brands made virtually identical looking clothing. literally every girl in the school would wear the exact same skin tight v-neck, over the exact same skin tight cami, over the exact same skin tight jeans, every. single. day. i got bullied once for ~daring to be different~ and tying a jacket around my waist. also i am convinced that our entire generation now has permanent nerve damage from how little circulation we were getting in our limbs. the skinny jeans we wore gave anorexic people muffin tops, and plus size teens post traumatic stress disorder. like theres a reason why those are the years that birthed the emo subculture, we literally all wanted to die lmao. i still remember the exact moment i gave up on following their weird little dress code. at the very start of freshman year i was tired of being an outcast and decided to start playing their little game. i begged my mom for hollister, started wearing contacts, waxed my brows so much my skin would literally bleed, lost hours of sleep each night just to have time to straighten my hair. in elementary i struggled making friends, i had three years in a row where the closest friend i made was the one who's family would pick up and move out of town mid school year. eventually i became known as the quiet kid who read a lot. wasnt long after that until i learned the word unibrow for the first time when another kid pointed at my face and told me that i had one. high school was going to be different tho. i desperately wanted people to like me, so i meekly fell into line. and let me tell you the complete 180 in how people treated me was nothing short of astounding. people id barely spoken to before would say hi to me, popular girls would randomly compliment me, groups sitting by me at lunch would make an effort to include me. at the time it felt good, i thought i was making friends, i thought i was having fun. then one day a girl that had a bit of a reputation in one of the more popular cliques passed me a note during study hall. she had written some compliments saying stuff like how she couldnt believe how much i had changed, how she never knew how pretty i was without glasses, how much better i looked in makeup etc etc. i was honestly kind of stunned and wrote back some awkward thank you which turned into us passing the note back and forth like that for the rest of class, making the kind of cringey small talk that only teens are capable of. then, just before class let out, she hits me with an invite to a party shes was throwing that night at her place while her parents are away. up until that moment, all the attention i had been receiving had made me feel genuinely happy, like i was finally becoming somebody. but for some reason, and i dont really know what it was exactly, that invite felt like a bucket of cold water dumped on my head. i was just struck, suddenly, by the realization that she would almost certainly never have even talked to me that day if i was still "ugly", let alone invite me to some party. there was not a single ounce of genuine interest in me as a person inside her, like we had gone to school together since literally kindergarten and only now she bothers to speak to me? i felt so much disappointment in myself after that for trying to convince myself that i was someone im not just to please people who couldnt appreciate me for what i actually am. the next day i came to school wearing my glasses, no makeup, with unstraighted hair. she never approached me again lmao, but ive never ever regretted that decision ❤ but yea imagine my face when the beauty standards suddenly swung my way several years later and all those features i was made to feel ashamed of before became the features i get the most compliments on. im so grateful to my past self that i realized early on how stupid it was trying to completely change the body i was given just to fit some arbitrary standard before any lasting damage was done. all those girls that made feel like a freak for simply having eyebrows are now filling theirs in with liner to look like mine because theyre no longer able to grow them back. i would laugh and say its ironic, but honestly all i find it is sad. just hope one day we'll get to live in a world where we no longer treat features of a human's body as some fashion trend that can be swapped for a new model each year. no one should ever have to feel like the features that are most uniquely their own need to be changed in anyway to match someone else's

I felt the part where she said she looked different than she imagined herself. I'll have confidence, but only when I imagine myself different :(

High school me would be quaking if they saw how much more confident I’ve become 😅 I’m 21 almost 22 this year but I’d say I’m still trying to find my style in clothing and makeup, it’s very hard as I see all these pretty girls online who are popular. I’m just questioning why I’m not getting popular if I’m doing what they are doing? But I’ve come to realize that I just need to be myself and stop trying to force a style on me.

this entire comment section is so wholesome and cute and i wish i could give each and every one of y’all a hug🥺

I relate to you so much, it's so hard to find genuine friendships and i haven't even reached college yet, but your real friends will love you no matter what you look like i hope you know that, and i love your reels and videos, tbh the only reason i open Instagram is to watch your stories, they are comforting to watch, Thank you for being real ♡

I'm turning 30 this year and from my experience 'pretty privilege' is most relevant when you're in your late teens/early 20's, it will get you jobs, people will be more willing to help you without asking, strangers might compliment you or do something nice randomly.. From 15 to 21 I was morbidly obese because of chronic health conditions, I then developed a severe eating disorder and lost weight very fast, 2 years later I was skinny from basically self-harm in the form of purging, starving and over-exercising, I ran myself into the ground but the world around me treated me with more value and love than ever. My family was even nicer to me. Strangers smiled at me. Then from mid 20s when I started to recover from my eating disorder to now (29) I have stabilized at an overweight setpoint which makes sense with my health conditions. I personally find myself prettier than ever but to the outside world I'm pretty average and honestly I'm the most comfortable I've ever been because I'm dressing and living for me instead of living for the voyeuristic needs of others. Also once you get a bit older people start putting much more value on strong character traits like empathy, genuine confidence, resilience and kindness.. Your looks become more secondary to who you are.

I can relate with you 100% on this. When I was younger I didn’t do any self care or anything like that. Because I didn’t really fit in to the standards I felt like I was invisible because I would go through the whole day without a single person speaking to me. Heck, even when I graduated I remember people saying to me “wait since when did we have (my name) in our grade?” They didn’t even know that I existed even though I was in the same class with them for 6 years. Now that I’ve put more self care into myself like working out, skin care and finding out what I like to wear, people actually acknowledge my existence and are nice to me, which i find surprising. I have bad trust issues and anxiety now because I feel like people won’t like me because of how I look. It’s something I’m working on but I feel so bad for younger me.

I grew up ugly with horrible acne this is SO TRUE

this hits too close home. being bullied in middle school bc i was "ugly" has destroyed my self esteem, i didnt even wanna be seen in high school and kept myself back from attending activities bc of it. im 24 now and still dealing with the issues that came with it : trust issues, anxiety etc, even tho i had my so called "glow up". thank you for making this and thanks everyone in the comments! it makes me feel like im not alone lol

It's both unfortunate but also relieving to realize that people just don't "fit it" to the looks standard. I can focus on bettering myself toward this standard, rather than making myself depressed that I don't look exactly like an attractive person I admire. That's kind of cool to think of. I'm a guy but I still can't stop browsing your videos. I'm subscribed. You're basically discovering and dealing with the modern human condition. If people listen, they'll be able to open their eyes on what they need to do too to break out of their social ruts

When you brought up the trust issues that hit hard. I was literally overlooked and nerdy for most of high school. It wasn’t until my first heart break in college I started taking care of myself and noticed the huge difference in how ppl treated me. I also live in the city and notice how ppl hold the door for you, stop the car when your crossing * the street, sometimes you get free food but bruh where was all of this before? It was especially weird when old friends started treating me different. My crush in middle school who never noticed me then is now talking to me. It’s so weird the change up and honestly infuriating. None the less, I really like your video! Thank you for sharing your story!

I can't forget the day my high school classmates made a list of the ugliest girls in the class and i came in 1st place... that was devastating for a 16-year-old teenager, and the worst part was that a "friend" ' ' from childhood who read the list and my name out loud to the whole class... Being bullied in high school ruined my life, i never had self-esteem again and i feel like the ugliest person in the world all the time..

i literally get treated like shot by boys just bc i’m not pretty enough as other girls.it’s so got wrecking finally awnsering the n1 question of “why am i getting treated differently than other girls?” especially when i had a similar personality to multiple girls hut they would still get treated better and with more respect. i always have these 2 sides when it comes to my experience,on one side,i think i’m rlly pretty and that i look good but then when you get treated differently for your looks you can’t help to think “am i really that ugly?” plus i feel like the “growing up ugly” experience is so different when it comes to pocs because we get bullied for features white people get praised for.it’s so infuriating.

Yes!! I feel super validated by this video, thank you for speaking on this topic. My experience growing up ugly (or just never getting called pretty) vs my experience of pretty privilege was exaaactly like the way you described. And for a long time I was angry at the difference in treatment because it was confirmation that society is in fact this shallow. As time passed (I’m 30 now) I’ve come to accept that looks are truly subjective and if I feel happy and fulfilled by doing things that I enjoy, that energy is reflected in the way that I carry myself and therefore other people’s treatment of me. I wish you the best and hope to see more though provoking journal entries! Wish I had your insight at 22 😅

This was so relatable. Especially the trust issues part. I was never pretty and now i think I'm a bit presentable, as compared to before. But the trust issues though. ESPECIALLY wrt significant others. I remember when my ex used to compliment me i used to feel so suspicious. The only thing that used to go through my head was : you'd never date me if you saw me earlier. And that itself is such a toxic mindset to have.

There is no one human who is beautiful to everyone, but every human is beautiful to someone.

This was so nice to see ngl . Discovered ur content through insta and this was what i just needed. I never got called out ugly (at least not directly) , so i never felt that growing up and all . But as soon as like i started to understand like these stuffs (idk how to explain lol) , it's been hard . All i can see now is just flaws and defects within myself , stuffs i wanna change about my body and face. Like all those thoughts screaming "what if i just looked better ,so it wouldn't turn out this way " ,they don't seem to leave my mind for even a day. Might be weird for a guy to nag like this ,but ye , i kinda feel so sad whenever i actually see someone i find pretty .

As a child I was tall and had big eyes and in my country that was considered "beautiful" so i never really felt ugly, but then i began to gain weight then stopped getting compliments and then i just got a huge reality check as I got older. always looked down on people for being insecure but then when i got a dose of what they were going through, I realized i was wrong about so many things.

This is so relatable!! I was "ugly" growing up and then I worked on me and I consider myself somewhat pretty & yes, pretty privilege is real. And yes, self love and self care are the crucial part of glowing up. I relate to everything here. Like I didn't wear the clothes I wanted to because I felt I won't look good and I don't look good enough, I had fat legs and dresses made me conscious. Also, I am an introvert and hardly had any friends.. My so called friends would leave me for other friends and now apparently everyone wants to be "friends". Idk... You are so relatable! I could imagine my younger self and my present self while listening to you. ❤❤

i notice a lot of the comments r talking about being 15 comparing yourself to grown women. while i don't mean to downplay that experience, i feel like i find myself comparing myself to girls in my school or area who are my age that i see everyday. i also find myself comparing myself to girls who are my ethnicity on tiktok, usually these girls are barely older than me, sometimes my age, and look so much better than me. it hurts more when its like, you see so many girls around you that are literally the same age yet they look way better. i don't think a guy has ever been interested in me. i'm lucky to have really good friends who don't put me down, but they're the only people who actually say nice things about my appearance. i'm also so jealous of the girls who can experiment with makeup and clothes and hair easily, living in an asian household makes this so hard. pretty privilege is so crazy, ik personally i have a friend who is absolutely stunning but she hasn't always been treated as such. i think she's the most gorgeous person i've ever seen but she still compares herself, even tho she knows everyone thinks shes pretty. in way, it goes to show that even when we do have this "glow up" theres no winning because people who have been "ugly" know the pain that comes with it, theres always the second guessing if the next kind gesture is just because of your appearance. she's rly one of the kindest ppl i know. i understand the extroverted personality thing so much, i would always compensate for being ugly with trying to be entertaining. i still lowkey do but i've accepted being introverted and i've found people who accept that too. i feel like this experience is esp traumatizing for women, just because as woman you will NEVER just be able to have a good personality and all. like i've seen people (especially men) criticizing women based on their appearance first. like if a woman is giving her opinion on something and they disagree, theres always the "she was a 10 till she started talking" or "bro shes ugly af ofc she thinks xyz." they attack the woman's looks and sometimes what they are saying, but they almost always comment on her looks. i don't want to take away from the experience of men, but i feel like this type of experience is pretty much universal as a woman. i think someone said this in the comments, but its like ur other traits or skills aren't valuable or okay until your looks are. thank u so much for sharing ur experience via, u made me feel sm less alone

We are the same age and I too was “ugly” growing up, and then we had a “glo up” around the same time. I think the only difference is I was always the funny friend from like a young age so I tended to make friends really easily but yea I too also didn’t have romantic experiences (still don’t ?? Kinda my fault now). It’s just weird bc people 100% treat you differently based on your looks. It’s so strange but also affirming the amount of compliments I get, my fashion has also evolved and I enjoy it so much. It’s just sad bc I feel bad for 14-17 year old me, high school was just hard.

growing. up. ugly. my god, you have put the entire experience in words for me. every single internal debate you mentioned I swear I go through the very same. growing up ugly makes you realize the reality of "pretty privilege". you see the world around you transform and people, even older friends, change their behaviour towards you and it doesn't feel good when you think too deep about it bcuz - hey you're still the same person on the inside. also, in school, I wasn't ugly, I was just how a kid should've been - not too focused on my outward appearances, or weight, or height. but I know making friends would've been easier if I had.

I wish I could tell you how spiritually comforting this video is and how glad I am now to find you and as much as I am saddened that our past have been so similar. I was following you on tiktok but I can't even explain how glad I am that you're here😭. And you are drop dead gorgeous girl truust me!

BRO YOU LOOK SO SWEET IN YOUR HIGHSCHOOL PHOTOS WHAT?? LIKE I'D LOVE TO BE YOU'RE FRIEND- Istg, you'll miss out on the best friendships if you base someone only on their looks.

I loveeee how you said dressing up and looking your best is a way to protect yourself. I never thought of it that way but it makes so much sense. I actually watched this vlog like 6 hours ago but it kept appearing in my head so I just wanted to bring it up 😭 You’re so intelligentt. While I’m here, I relate soooo much. No one actually told me they were interested in me until senior year of high school and that was just last year. Its really damaging to know that all the years before that, I was just never an option to anyone. Trying to look good is both a way for me to be perceived humanely and to feel comfortable in my skin :,)

I love her attitude of not caring about what other people think! It heavily reminds me of myself from a few years ago, and it's so motivational to hear someone say "be yourself" and "do what you love". Someday I'll get there again 😌

Thank you for making this content. I'm literally watching this at 1am (worrying about things that LITERALLY DON'T MATTER) and it's comforting knowing that other people think this way and that I'm not alone

Regarding that whether people would still like you when you'd look like your teenage self isn't it also interesting asking yourself the same question the other way around? Would you like them if they didn't look the way they do now?