Half are Peak, Half are Doo-Doo - FF7 Rebirth Minigame Tier List 

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Fort Condor is SOOO much better in Intergrade. - You can build and customize your layout - If time runs out, as long as you have more towers than your opponent, you win. You dont have to beat the boss within the time limit. - You have spells instead of hero units which you can deploy at any time. This version was a HUGE step backwards.

WOW! this video really convinced me to buy Final Fantasy and Isekai Slow Life! man, Captain Astronaut is my favorite youtuber, in fact because he made a video inclouding these games I bought them again, I now have 13 copies of Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth and Isekai Slow Life. Man if only Captain Astronaut was sponserd to do another video about a game I would buy it in a heartbeat 😔 boy I sure do hope Publishers came to Captain Astronaut first.

There is a trick to the piano game Set the note speed to the same number as the difficulty note number This makes the notes only appear one at a time so it will cause less confusion and fewer missed notes

Me: I think Rebirth might be one of my favorite games of all time! Also me: I hate all these mini games

7:57 I personally love queen's blood, except for the final boss who straight up breaks the rules (no joke) took me almost an hour to beat them

That one cactus minigame had more stuff on screen then Genshin Impact, no wonder you didn't like it lol

12:54 or you could use THE WARP STAFF 27:00 For the Aerith solo Colosseum fight against the Bombs, I entered it, saw the enemy, then just retried and cheesed it with Elemental - Fire on an armor slot. If you have Elemental level 2, only their physical attacks will hurt you, which makes it a breeze

Love your insights and perspective man !! Keep up the great work, you matter!

another banger video by captain astro, I will be sure to download (and buy several microtransactions) in Isekai: Slow Life.

Cactus 🌵 🌵 🌵 🌵 love ur videos I always get very excited when I see you post. Your one of the few youtubers I can watch and still be entertained even when your talking about something I know nothing about lol. (That being said im obsessed with final fantasy 7 rebirth]

Aint no fkn way the piano is better than Queen's Blood 😆🤦🏻‍♂️

14:38 I hate to be the joke police but you could already explore Junon in 3D in og FF7 because, you know, it's also in 3D. Also on the solo Aerith fight you could just use elemental + fire to trivialize the fight

Love the subtle joke at 39:46, that you play ff7 for the plot, but showing the scene from costa del sol with tifa and aerith half naked. And again later, that tifa is well known in Italy...

Classic FF7 mini games felt more intrinsic in a way. I needed to grind currency for the arena so I jumped between G-Bike, Sub & Snowboarding to keep the grind fresh-ish. Most of the late game rewards in Rebirth are locked behind perfect scores of each mini game. I’m not actually for removing that challenge but I would love the addition of some super high value items in the Gold Saucer store and Moogle Emporium (for the overworld games, they could reward coins). I think that would be a nice way to get the same replay value out of them as in classic FF7. We could cycle between them without the need of a perfect score every time and actually enjoy the mini game. If they added a bunch of alternate costumes, this could be quite a fun way of unlocking them.

Another great video from captainastro

Funnily enough, that Chcoobo racing (I think) track select, or bird select background music uses a few sound cues that sound a lot like that old Bird Land song!

My problem with the crunch off was the haptic feedback (that I only learned I could turn off after I beat the game) was messing with my hand and causing pain.

Somehow, this video made me appreciate the game even more, and I already got the 100% crown completion! Thank you for this!

13:42 WHAT THE FUCK YOU CAN DO THAT? WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME I WOULDVE ACTUALLY DONE THE QUEST THEN.

"Chocobo racing, or Kentucky Fried Mario Kart". Dude KILLED me. I laughed way too damn hard. And as someone who never played the OG FFVII, I could NOT figure out why there was a vacancy in one side wing in Gold Saucer with a HUGE wall painting of snowboarding, only to NOT have snowboarding as a mini game. Then this video informs me that the OG DID have snowboarding of all the mini games to not include, they chose snowboarding? I'd play the HELL out of that! Come on, Squenix!

as far as the discussion of "should games have all of these" go i just want to say that I didnt know what half of these were and i finished the game and I feel like thats the best argument towards sure why not.

Cant wait for the snowbording in the 3rd game

Les go new vid!

I pretty much agree with you on card games, but I really did enjoy queens blood. It was fun to make game breaking destroy decks that just swept the floor with everyone you faced. I liked the puzzle ones too at costa del sol, they were just fun enough

Hey, cool video and all, but all I'm really thinking about is that cable-knit turtleneck you're rocking. I need that. Any chance you can point me in the right direction?

The chocobo gliding minigame has a flaw in the controls The L stick is used for movement, but L-3 toggles on and off motion controls which are just awful I think that the shoot out minigame has the same thing In both it is way too easy to accidentally toggle the motion controls It really should've just been an option in the pause menu

The box breaking minigame is best because of the heavy metal version of the final fantasy prelude theme, also helps that I’m biased towards that kind of music.

I absolutely loved the original fort Condor so I was looking forward to it in this.

Regarding moogle Mischief, you can dodgeroll every attack, even through their projectiles. It raised it from F tier to D for me

My favorite minigames were definitely Queen's Blood and Fort Condor. I also love strategy games and my favorite thing ever is absolutely WRECKING my opponents in QB. Like, 75 points to 0. Man, it's fantastic. Meanwhile, I REALLY hated the crunch-off, 3D brawler, and cactuar crush. And, I guess, if it counts, the Can't Stop, Won't Stop sidequest on hard mode.

Awwww I liked moogle mischief! It was a nice relaxing change of pace for, I could kinda just wind down and chill

Look I hate Cactuar Crush almost as much as you. I luckily didn't have to retry that much thanks to windstorm cheesing and soul drain dps-ing. However, it's really funny hearing "this minigame's not fun" while seeing Aerith, the magic user, pelting a Magic Cactuar that's explicitly weak to magic, with physical attacks lmao

Great vid!

I actually really liked the sit up (and Remake Squat/Pull up) challenges.

gears and gambit was the only annoying one for me but made it worth it with the backstory told. still never again square pls

27:05 Tip for this box breaking minigame Switch equipment and materia to ATB speed focused and weapon ability damage bonuses

Hey, at 31:00 mark your closed captions stop showing up for some reason, I had to switch to Auto-generated to finish the video at that point.

Another extrinsic value is the story payoff. A solid cutscene can really reward the effort. Rebirth excels at this i think.

Queens Blood in A and Chocobo Racing in S is insane

Yo I gotta tell you your get up is so good it got me to click AND sub. Stay wild internet

27:00 Use elemental fire on the solo Aerith fight. You can nullify all their attacks 😂

i like many of the side content- a nice throw back to 8 making one of the last queensblood players a surprising party member. i see why theyre exhausting i definitely bashed my head againstt he difficulty randomness on a few of these. but ultimately i come away thinking the game is a near masterpiece, i think theyve done alot to tie all the compilation pieces in seeing cissnei and a tad more intimate and close perspective really puts the psychological in sephiroths horrifying talents. some people are way too overthinking the changes made- its very simple were close enough to be subject to sephiroths gaslighting. remember in the og we didnt have as much clue what was going on here either. we know the end and we get to the beginings mostly in the same ways- so in order to keep us surprised they have to mess with that middle part. i think theyll wrap this up nicely- and at the end of the day- holy stops meteor and sephiroth is defeated. thered be no point in changing that, so how they get there- i honestly cant wait- maybe that makes me a masochist with how often they throw these characters i grew up with trauma right into yourface XD walking around as baby girl aerith truly was no fair my tear ducts had no chance.

the fact that we got so many different minigames that we can make a tier list makes Rebirth even better!

I basically agree. Id give flight de chocobo, cactuar whatever, 3D brawler all Fs. Fort condor, i had more fun with in intermission id give it a C in rebirth.

The Fort Condor and Gears and Gambits in hard mode would’ve been more fun if there were other strategies to beat them. There’s pretty much only one strategy for all the levels that work. Unless you get lucky or look up a strategy, you’ll just be trying over and over For the Aerith solo vs the bomb, it is easy if you equip Fire to Elemental material in your defensive slots. You become take less damage/gain immunity/absorb their attacks Also for Cactuar Rush, Aerith with Transcendence and Yuffie with Doppelgänger make it a lot easier

ive only played ff7 og but i think the yakuza-fication approach to minigames is kinda cool (by the way you should play Super Lesbian Animal RPG because one of the characters is a talking cactus)

A moment of silence for the speed roller coaster shooter mini game that was replaced for a generic space shooter.

It’s funny that they didn’t bring back the mouth-to-mouth resuscitation mini game from the original. Guess they thought there might be implications pricklier than a cactus.

Pretty amazing that rebirth had a great story, but also legit 2 dozen mini games of which I would say 4-5 were awesome and 10-15 were actually good. The ones I hated really would have been fine if you didn’t have to do the some many times. The moogle game made me laugh the first time but by the third I was way over it same with cactar crush and the one I legit didn’t care for was the little robot mini game

The problem with the sit-ups minigame is that the tutorial window does nothing to explain the green or yellow rings properly

Thank you having F tier be “I don’t like this” rather than just “it sucks”

The Piano minigame has a hidden song. If you fill the entire hotel quest the blocked chest is unlocked and you obtain the Hardest song in the game : One Winged Angel.

I really like this list. Gears and Gambits is by far my least favorite one. Its like fort condor but waaay more underwhelming because u cannot place the robots on the map except all the way back to one of the 3 crystals. At least in fort condor u can push the respawn line up to the enemy base and placing units waaay closer to the enemy. Cactuar Rush is also another one, with yuffie is ok at best but with aerith is kinda frustating ngl. Rebirth minigames overall are really good or good at first playthrough.

putting the piano from hell above queen's blood? oof

They need The Price of Freedom sheet music

It was nice to play waverace 64 again. They should have scrapped all the bad games and given us more levels of that.

To me, the pole frog one was the hardest. Took me like 2 hours. Yet the rolling one took me like 3 tries. Weird to call the coliseum a mini game… it’s literally just fighting enemies, sometimes with a specific party…. which is exactly like the rest of the game. That being said, the Aerith challenge isn’t hard. Just equip elemental + fire on armor and she’s invincible. Literally couldn’t be easier!

Oh yes, that card game that comes with sn RPG! They put a very good game around Queens Blood.

3d brawler gets very fun

I'm still waitin for that xenoblade 2 part 3 review.

A bit sad you didn't draw the connections between the Moogle Minigame and the Moogle Minigame of the Original FF7, which was a small game in Gold Saucer, and I'm pretty sure the Gold Saucer Minigame was the only mention of moogles in the entirety of FF7

Wait are u a psychologist? Wasn't expecting that motivation theory reference near the end

I just finished clearing all the mini games, I’m so glad to have these rancid mini games behind me. Frog guys was maddening

Fort Condor is way better in Yuffie DLC IMO. It gives you alot more freedom to build your units.

I swear i feel like they spent all their money on chocobo racing, that the rest of the mini games _and_ chocobo gp suffered from it

How long till somebody plays Rush E in the piano mini game?

Cactus was the name of my high school's principal

I liked the lore scene with the googles turning Cloud into one, but I think they've lived out their use. And since they could be just as easily be made of magic as they could be organic... let's get some T rated violence. Hey, Scarlet, those stupid creatures have had it good long enough. Burn their mushrooms, and absorb their life energy into your Crimson Mare. Go on, teach Avalanche a lesson lol

Yeah, this is a genius video idea.

If you ask 100 different people, they’d give you 100 different tier lists. That’s what I love about the minigames in Rebirth; even if I don’t like a minigame, I know there’s people out there that do, and vice versa. People complain about the sheer number of minigames in Rebirth, but there is something for everybody, in my opinion.

Cactus Astronaut out here talking bout the real shit

I’m 30 seconds in, loving this and subbed but my brother if you put the chicken game anything other than bottom tier we gonna have issues.

Surf's Up for skateboarding? lol

Switch the piano mini-game (I'm a rhythm game player so my issues with it are nitpicky) with Queen's Blood (skill issue my guy) and we have the exact same tier list. I didn't even actually hate the moogle look all THAT much, I didn't like it but it was whatever, but by the end of the game I never wanted to see a Moogle ever again

I did not know you could cheat in 3D brawler. It took me an hour and thirty minutes to beat Sephiroth. Someone give a cactus to sit on

Only thing I can realistically disagree with is the crunch off minigame, that one to me was physically painful due to the haptic feedback, I sweat it's going to be to blame for my carpal tunnel in a few years, on top of that I swear the hold down green peompt is just bugged an refuses to work half the time... I did enjoy the version of this game in Remake with the squats and push ups but this one reeerally just hurt my hand... :( Great video though, really funny and entertaining

Nice use of boi-oing sfx all around here

If only we could play Queen's Blood on motorcycles

Honestly, the biggest problem I had with the crunch-off was that the R1 L1 and R2 L2 buttons were upside down. I mean, when you hold a controller normally the 1 buttons are above the 2 buttons, but on the screen they showed them the opposite way. It just kept throwing me off. Otherwise it was just like the squats/pull-ups minigame from Remake, which had the buttons layed out sensibly like they are on the controller.

I miss your MonHun videos Mr Spaceman

Engagement Metrics Cactus

My main grudge against Fort Condor is how they whitewashed Barret

I have the same F tiers, Cactuar crush gets a G from me I hated it so much I want to put it in a spaceship shoot it out to space and nuke it to hell.

On gears and gambits i couldnt get it right so i just had the ai make me a team. The ai team smoked everything

#CallingItNow: The third game will be called FFVII: Reunion.

Hated the Red mini game. Maybe I just suck, but I found it among the hardest mini games in the game. And I hated that one of his weapons was a reward. I couldn't get the weapon and just found the game frustrating. And did you say you couldn't fight Gilgamesh until post game? You can fight him before going to the Temple of the Ancients. What couldn't you do until post game? Not naming part 3 Reunion would be a huge missed opportunity. I don't care if Crisis Core took it, the final part needs to be titled Reunion.

Are many of these mini games mandatory? I grew up hating the mini games in both the Sly Cooper Trilogy and Jak and Daxter Trilogy because I kept losing a lot of times.

i just got this games platinum and on future playthroughs, i am not touching pretty much any of these, especially their hard versions. MAYBE, the simplest easy first version of some of them. as for the ranking, fort condor is f for me.

In the original game, Cloud teaches some of the Shinra troopers he drills with how to do his victory sword twirl. Way later on disc 2, when you come barging into their submarine, they do it again to intimidate you (not knowing you're the one that taught it to them). You actually have the option to say "....Look, you're just official prisoners of war now, so I don't have to kill you." And they roll with it. So what I'm saying is, the 7th won't be your airship crew, but your submarine crew. Also, having spent hours mastering the hard mode version of Cactuar Crush, I agree: F*** That Cactus.

8:08 Wait was that a uno zelda deck

Fort Condor is slightly different in Intergrade. Its better in my opinion and different.

Push timeline push 🥵

How big is this game!? How many gigs does it take up for real!

8:45 it’s me

I did not find the piano minigame intuitive to use at all and it regularly wouldn't register the right notes with the joysticks. I'm rhythm challenged to begin with, but usually I can at least kind of keep up with rhythm minigames. Not at all with this one. It's an F tier in my book. The only one I couldn't improve at all even with actual effort. On the other hand, Queen's Blood was S tier for me, so much fun and largely pretty easy aside from the BS final boss of the side quest line.

Rebirth's protorelic questline is like the worst side quest in video game history. I wish I had realized sooner that the entire thing is designed to waste the player's time. I only started skipping the cut scenes, etc. halfway through.

I like cactus :)

Cactus 😎🌵

the sit-up minigame was fine until they decided that trigger mashing was alright. mashing a trigger with your index or middle finger fuckin HURTS. mario party level of pain