having a feeling instead of making a purchase 

I recently had an "appearance euphoria" moment in regards to exactly the aging phenomen you described. It started with buying round glasses, which look good when my hair is down and wavy, but make me look pale and bloated when I'm wearing a beanie that hides my hair. The next step was the zipper of my jacket breaking, which resulted in me getting my mom's grey, formless winter coat. And suddenly, I looked at myself in the reflection of the tram windows, and saw the woman I loved and admired in my image. My mother and my mother-in-law, my new neighbour that I haven't talked to that much but she FEELS like a mom, like someone that values relationships more than their outwards appearance. And it felt so warm. Because they are people I would go to if I had a problem, and trust them to help. And suddenly I looked like a younger version of them, and while I don't want to be a mother, I want to be someone that gives others warm feelings, someone they trust and go to when they need help. I've spent most of my life thinking I want to look pretty to get attention, to be admired, to be seen, and sometimes that's true. But once I saw this warm, capable, trustworthy version of myself, once I recognised all the beauty I see in my mother in myself, I just... got so incredibly happy that that is an option for me, too. I want to age and look soft and round and less defined. I want to go outside and not worry if other people find me hot, because I am a totally different type of feminine. Having those fuzzy, warm feelings that are usually reserved for other people be directed at myself was an amazing experience, and I'm incredibly grateful that my role models don't feel the need to hide their signs of aging. Because aging can be such a beautiful thing, even if our culture condemns it. It's a visual marker of me changing, of growing into myself, and I like that my face, my body, my presentation to the outside, reflects that growth.

I'm actually in the middle of a low buy/no buy year BECAUSE I found myself emotional spending. I have a bunch of other reasons for this little experiment, but it's been interesting and I feel like it's causing me to have deep conversations with myself.

I find the emotional spending content so interesting because I have the opposite problem. I tend to get so anxious and overthink about spending money that it can take me months to commit to a purchase. I'm also not a big online shopper, especially for things like clothes, etc, because I don't want to risk buying something that may not fit or may look different IRL and I need to try/see it first. I also live in a country where shipping stuff is often either prohibitively expensive or companies just don't ship here at all.

I bought a lot of clothes for outdoors and camping stuff because I spend most of my time working at home at a job I strongly dislike. My purchase was driven by my fantasy of me getting out of the house and traveling/finding a new job/getting passionate about life. But it's much easier to buy the cute, beach-y hoodie.

One thing I've done to attempt to crack down on my impulse spending is to have a list of things I want and list them by how long I've been thinking about them. They have to be specific items so that still requires some amount of digging, and research, and obsession. However, once I put the item on the list, I force myself to wait at least a month before it's ordered. The tactic has let me keep track of my interests and hobbies while also holding myself accountable to avoid impulse spending. There's a calligraphy pen that's been on the list for four months. I still intend on buying it, but it doesn't feel like an impulse anymore. I'm saving it for my graduation. There is a few video games that I am looking forward to buying, and there are some games that I apply this rule to and some I don't. It's not a perfect system, but it's been working great for me.

I’m nonbinary (afab) and only realised recently that for years I’ve been buying feminine clothes and beauty products not because I’m “reclaiming the femininity I wasn’t allowed to participate in as a kid because I was deemed too ugly and gnc”, but because I’d internalised this shame that I wasn’t good enough or living up to my potential with the body I was ‘given’. I felt I had to avoid embarrassment and prove that I knew about fashion, wasn’t stupid and ignorant of my ‘fixable’ flaws or my ‘natural’ assets (thanks to social media), and was capable of the effort and skill it takes to achieve conventional beauty and therefore wasn’t lazy or a mess. When I first got independence as a young person I retreated into women’s beauty standards, because regardless of my identity I knew others would judge me through them, and generally it doesn’t feel as safe to disclose and express myself queerly as it does to be closeted. It was also just scary to consider exploring masculinity when I already knew feminine expectations well and they seemed more within my reach. I had this apologetic attitude where I felt like I needed to look like I was at least knowledgeable and trying to others even if I was unsuccessful, to protect myself from harsher judgement and prejudice. I snapped out of it when I started considering dating again and quickly realised I didn’t feel confident or like myself in the style I had been going for. I wouldn’t even wear or use many things I thought I had bought ‘with intention’, when I was actually just having these feelings. It also coincided with when I started to rewatch a load of rpdr with my friend and found sudden relief in seeing a lot of queer men’s fashion (out of drag) represented, not to mention people playing in femininity in the way that my inner child actually wanted to! I was reminded that my personality does have a place and I actually have more confidence now to unapologetically show that through my style, not try to hide it, and that's luckily safe enough for me a lot of the time. Thanks so much for your video and I’m so glad I found your channel through it! You’re also very beautiful, I wanna add, though that's not the important thing of course !

Yesterday I bought a ridiculously expensive leatherbound edition of the Atlas of Middle-Earth by Karen Wynn Fonstad, which I can't really afford. I've been sick over the last 6 days with the flu and I've been just resting, watching the LOTR trilogy on repeat and slow-cooking hearty soups. I've felt so tired and unwell, but also so weirdly relaxed and peaceful. It reminded me of the simpler joys of childhood, when fantasy worlds become our playfield. I feel like I've somehow had a strange forced little holiday from my own self these few days, and I've bought that book as a way to hold on to that little bubble. I feel like holding and browsing through that particular edition of the Atlas will make my imagination fly, feeling as if I was in Middle-Earth living cosy adventures with some of my favourite characters. Sure, I do love the book, but I think I made this very irresponsible purchase just to escape reality, and to try capture the feeling of being a child again.

Your delivery here feels like spoken word poetry! One of my most recent purchases was a new bra. I bought it online in a late-night fit of despair even though I hate shopping online. At my size sports bras wear out incredibly quickly and are almost never available in any kind of physical store and I'm so uncomfortable in my old ones but I don't know if the new one will be any more comfortable or just a different kind of uncomfortable. So I bought the bra and I swirled around in my feelings of body-hate and the feelings of hating my body-hate.

This is a cinematic masterpiece. Thank you.

After years of wanting to meditate, but still not feeling interested enough to do that I realized that I can do that always, not only sitting down in a quiet space. Because meditation is observing your feelings and discomfort without engaging with it or disrupting or numbing or distracting myself, without judgment. When I have an itch I observe how I feel when I don’t scratch it. When I feel embarrassed I observe that feeling without pushing it down or opening social media. Now I do it always, it’s a way of existing for me. When something triggers me I let myself feel it and let myself cry and eventually that pain heals and I’m free. Distracting myself from it would make me live with it for so much longer than I would have to. All my feelings are normal. We all want to feel safe and loved, it’s our core need and every little pain leads to that need being unmet. So love yourself. Create a safe place inside yourself, a home, where you would never judge yourself or someone else for their actions because you know. We just want love. And we all deserve it.

For those that appreciate discussion of this specific topic, I recommend Hannah Louise Poston's 'no buy', 'low buy', and changing shopping behavior projects. My last purchase was actually blush and highlight. An indie brand I like had some limited edition colors that are unique and in formulas I know I love. I have chronic health issues and get out less. I really got into makeup as my health took a turn because it is a creative outlet that doesn't take up space with the finished task. I have knitted too many scarves to keep or give to friends, but I just wash off eye shadow at the end of the day. But I also like putting on a mask of makeup. It keeps my face private. My deepened dark circles, the anemic pallor, the eczema around my nose: that's my business. When I catch a bus or take a video call, I don't want to be asked if I'm okay. That's a conversation for friends, family, and my pit crew of care providers.

I recently spend double the amount of money on alcohol during a night out because I was afraid of being the party pooper or the one that “killed the vibe” so I kept drinking with everyone else even though I was content after my first drink. The feelings of fear and the looming threat of loneliness were enough to drive this purchase/action. Ugh, freaking sucks

this is too real... i think i try to naturally combat this by being overly deliberative when it comes to purchasing. which is a good thing but also a bad thing when you know you need to get a new mattress but between the deliberation on which one to get and the price of a mattress you've been stalling on getting it for a year!

I recently bought a whole heap of household cleaning products, polishes, and personal hygiene stuff (e.g. soap) because they were the brands my grandparents used to use and I miss them. I also massively stressed out because a brand of shoe polish I used as a kid is no longer sold in my country (even though I still have plenty of the polish left and don't use it that often). This is all because I've been feeling really out of control and inadequate lately. Because of this I'm being nostalgic about my early childhood where decisions were made for me by people I loved (and I was young and naive enough to trust them completely to make the right choices).

the editing on this video is diabolical (in a good way) those intrusive thoughts are so real!

I recently bought some trousers that I wanted for a really long time. Finding plus size clothes I really like is a struggle and they are more expensive than I can afford most of the time. I am so happy I was finally able to buy them and I will wear them until they are threadbare and I can't fix them anymore. Trying to find clothes as a fat person is a nightmare and it's one of the only times I feel insecure about my body

Wow, I really love what you did with that videography/feeling. The thing that came to mind when you said a recent purchase was a book - it was a penguin classic of a bestseller from the 20s written by a woman about a magical holiday to the Italian Riviera (apparently "sparking a craze"). I felt weird about spending money on a book whose author wasn't living and made lots of weird comments about it to my friend about it being by a "lady novelist" and really really enjoyed it. It was also an impulse buy and I'm a grad student and have really limited cashflow and I'm in student debt for the first time and I'm somehow more afraid and less in control of my money now at 29 than I was at 22 when I graduated undergrad and starting working in theatre for minimum wage. I probably wouldn't have bought that book then - I could have gotten it from the library! - and if I had it would have been not only meticulously tracked but would have undoubtedly be a purchase within the $150 or so dollars I had as "spending money" in that time of my life. I haven't quite been able to understand what changed between then and now, in terms of my control over my finances. And really for my control over myself. It feels like as I've gotten more free, I can't do the things I used to do that kept me firmly, confidently in the black (whether that's money, or health, or...). I think this is the point where I sit in silence for several seconds and then cut to reflection on the reflection, but I'll spare you. Anyway, thanks for making this.

You are the single most interesting and authentic creator I have had the luck of coming across. Thanks so much for being real

Last year, i caught myself buying so many new skincare products, so i could look younger, even though i do look younger than I am ( I turned 30 a week ago). And I started buying a looot more clothes. But then, my farher died, and all of a sudden... none of that mattered? I mean, i still want to look cute. But I've started prioritising my health, the quality time i spend with others, and finally chipping away at that travel bucket list. So suddenly, looking the youngest i can didnt seem so important. What was the most important was how i was living my life, and not how cute i looked while i was doing it (although granted, that is a big plus 😅). Your video resonated with me on some level, and I really admire how you present your thoughts, almost like a long poem.

Wow, hoping there'll be more content like this on the internet going forward. Thank you!

Sure, I love a vulnerability share. I keep debating buying a fire pit and a bags set because I live in the suburbs but all my friends live downtown. And I am convinced if I can make it appealing enough they will come out here and spend time on my turf. I have this whole internalized theory (which sadly is maybe correct?) that they think living outside of a city is lame. I've lived out here three years almost and only been visited three times but I drive in to see them at least twice a month. But I really feel like buying fun backyard furniture and creating an ~experience~ would make them think where I live is cool.

been trying to redirect emotional spending that results in buying skincare that promises i will never age, or clothing that promises i will look physically acceptable to buying a particularly beautiful looking mango or a fun nail polish or a silly t shirt. blush is NOT a must honestly...

This is the first time I’ve ever seen your content on my feed. Everything you just said absolutely resonated. I am sitting just absorbing how all the points just came together so well. I’m such a good “consumer” because I’m so easily swayed into this this object will add something to my life. And I get joy out of buying… but when it’s chasing something that’s projecting outwards instead of a hobby I enjoy, who am I buying it for? Especially makeup - I like what I like but every now and then will research and look at products I know I’ll never use but I imagine they will create some experience I won’t have without it. And that’s just crazy. But it’s about the feeling rather than the product itself. Most recent purchase though was a desk chair - one you can sit on cross legged and I do adore it. No Regrets there

I bought some pretty gold (not actually gold) rings. The kind I imagine fancy women wear, those women that unlike me, have a steady job, a less abstract career, know where they'll be in 5 years time and aren't in their late 20s wondering if this is the part of my life where I missed a train to successtown.

I watched this on TikTok but it finally popped up on my feed. I LOVE this video, I’ve been actively coming to terms with aging in my own way as well.

Skincare is kind of crazy because, like, I know it's necessary to _some_ degree, but I have no idea how to navigate all of the products that will or won't help me. I've started using facial toner even though I (a) am not 100% sure what toner actually is and (b) don't know how to tell if it's improving my skin. Skin care has become sort of like,, eating breakfast every morning, I guess, because part of me just feels like it's better to have some sort of routine than to just not bother.

You explained this so wonderfully. I have the same tendencies, but try to control myself enough to never go through with 8 out of 10 purchases. This needs confronting ( as everything does) to find the root of my anxiety/ guilt / a mysterious third thing towards it( or any other thing in life). Thank you, and such a great video.

yess attention and focus is so valuable... we put it sometimes in the wrong things sort of self sabotage because we know that blush isn't the real issue

For what it's worth, my favorite thing about your channel has always been your thoughtfulness and measured approach to any topic. You are very cute, but you are also more than that. The attributes that make me and others return won't go away. I've absolutely felt the "purchasing in case it helps with my identity issues" struggle, and I'm proud to say that I've overcome that. I hated my job when I first got out of college, so I took a detour thinking I could be an influencer or something, which led me to purchase dozens of nearly-similar products in order to do comparisons. Now, I still have most of those items and am tired of clutter that doesn't earn me access to acceptance and only serves to tie my relationship with social media to whatever consumerist trend will seem most popular. I also am dealing with body changes, which come as you get older, and I'm glad to live to BE older, but it's still hard to see things change. My approach has been actively making changes myself when I can: I'm chubby for the first time in my life, but I'm also muscular from working out and doing activities with friends more than ever. I look so different than I used to, but I'm differently very cute and a lot better off emotionally. It's still a struggle some days, but I am capable and strong and GLAD to be so much more than I was as a teenager/young adult. Maybe my physical body had to expand a little to make room for all of my multitudes? ♥

Oh wow, this video hit me so hard I started crying halfway through! Thank you for your vulnerability and for putting into words what I've sensed but couldn't (or didn't want to) articulate myself. I thrift a lot of clothes and I justify it by saying things like, "it keeps them out of landfills!" and "at least it's cheaper than buying new!" But I think it's more motivated out of disappointment with my looks and social life. If I buy that cute shirt, dress, pants, sweater, etc. I'll feel better and look better and then people will like me better without me having to put in any other work into my physical health or relationships.

I got recommended this video and i’m really glad i watched it~ my most recent purchase was a bunch of hair products and hair dye. It was pretty funny that i wanted to buy all this bleach and color remover and brushes and gloves initially because i wanted it to be cheaper than going to a hair salon. My shopping cart ended up so full with expensive stuff that i had this immersion break and had a sudden realization i was well on my way to spending the same amount it would’ve costed to just go to a hair salon😅 i ended up deleting a bunch of stuff in my cart right then and there. it was still quite expensive but overall it was a less stupid purchase than it could have been lol

Clicked on this video because I’ve been terribly low these past few weeks and had about 4 different types of paper clips added to my cart to remedy that. My cart is empty now and I feel less anxious about confronting my feelings head on. Incredible storytelling - the writing, performance and editing… captivating

the description of this video is so real!! i need to stare into the void until the void stares back as well. your delivery truly is like spoken word poetry

I try to remind myself that "no one is satisfied with their body or face or weight and that's pretty f'ed up, isn't it? The system is making us hate ourselves to sell us things!" despite the fact that reminding myself of it has never made me like my body or face or weight any more. I'm going to try to follow your suggestion, because I am willing to try anything at this point to make peace with my physical form.

This has been on my mind SO much lately. You articulate it so well. Excellent editing, too 👏

RU-vid very randomly tossed me this video, and I'm so glad it did. It's a message I needed to hear. And the video is short, so I couldn't avoid it this time. (I think you're beautiful. I'm 42. I've recently stopped wearing makeup and it was SO LIBERATING but I also feel like I perpetually look like ass.) I'm broke, and I'm upset that I'm broke. I recently moved into a new apartment and I'm not used to being this level of broke, which makes me want to stress buy. I decided I needed an iPad mini. So I'm trading in my Macbook to get one. I'm afraid if I don't get it, something will eat me whole. I loved this video. Going to see what else you have up.

WOW this writing and narrative is incredible

this was an awesome vid. From the intentional choices in the writing to the decision to use editing to communicate the 'mildly intrusive but not too intrusive thoughts', this felt really special. keep up the great work

This video was such a beautiful piece of art and also brought me to tears. I can’t tell you the number of times thoughts like “blush is a must” have ruminated in my mind, especially when I was younger. It’s so crazy how much consumerism has taught us to believe that we are not enough until we buy a specific product or are a certain way. Thank you so much for this video

My most recent "purchase" is my coffee addiction. It's not that I'm addicted to the caffeine, its like.. it gives me a weird, special kind of comfort to go to starbucks or dunkins, now that i live in a city, and just.. grab a cup. Cup of coffee i didnt have to make myself. It sounds ridiculous for that to impact my finances so much but at ~5-7€ a cup it adds up. Had a bad day? Coffee. School was exhausting today? Coffee. Rainy weather? Grab a nice hot coffee. Warm sunny weather?? Even better, grab a coffee, take a walk home.

I recently did a date with my partner where we carved linoleum blocks and made prints. We both really enjoyed it, so I went and bought a set. Behind this, I often struggle to find fun stuff to do with them which isn't takeout on the couch. They get really wedged into bad wether/work from home mode and it affects their mood a lot. So I am buying this thing for us to do together to hopefully prop up this relationship.

i love spending money on things that i dont actually need, just retail therapy things. my last purchase was a pretty ring with a sort of opalescent stone around the centre that i bought at a boho shop that just opened downtown, i try to be more mindful about what i buy and this month ive been much better about it, and my best friend really helps me be more mindful about my purchases, so im thankful for her

My most recent "purchase with feelings crawling under the surface": I've recently become interested in gardening again. It's somthing I dedicated a lot of brainpower and daydreaming to when I was in high school. I never had the space or money to pursue it, but I finally have the chance to do something, even if it's much less than I had wanted to. After I spent weeks, months, researching, planning, and shopping, I ran into some issues. The stuff I bought was harder to set up than I thought they would be, all the information I was so confident in suddenly seemed too vague, and the seeds that I've started are taking way longer to sprout than is normal. I've been feeling down about this because this is something I've dreamed of for years, and I feel like I'm already failing. I'm trying to give myself the space to fail and learn, keep the motivation to continue, but it's hard. I have ADHD, so this is not the first project or hobby that I've decided to pursue only to feel like I'm not "good enough" at it and stop. I'm afraid of this becoming another hyperfixation that I lose all interest in and come across the remains of a few years later and think "why didn't I keep going?" I don't know how to end this comment, but you shared a vulnerable video, so I wanted to repay that with a vulnerable comment. This is just a hobby I'm pursuing, but every minor struggle has made me feel like a failure. I struggle with being bad at things, and this is something that's making me feel like I'll never succeed in life. That I'll always be stuck where I am now. That I'll never get a good job, or I'll never be able to buy a house, or I'll never be able to live in comfort without struggling through my every day. I just have to remind myself that life goes on, and that nothing will ever change if I don't start making an effort to improve. If I keep quitting at the first sign of trouble, I'm never gonna develop the skills that will make the problems I'm coming across right now seem inconsequential. So to everyone trying their best, keep trying. And I hope that one day, you'll be doing what you once struggled with and realize that it's no longer something you have to try at.

Your videos are always awesome and this one is such a standout! I have a friend who I think would really get it who I'll send this too. Most recent purchase was a point and shoot film camera. I usually get a disposable camera for every summer and this year I was like, let's just go for the non-disposable variety! Gonna test out photography as a new form of art making for me.

I just want to say thank you for making this video. I'm just being introduced to the femme side of "the internet needs you to feel ways about yourself" and, well, the point is thank you

i love the editing so much oh my god i feel it 😭😭😭😭 it's funny btw, i always felt that features become sharper as you age? as in, more defined :D they change, sure, but they are not less then they were in your 20s, just different thank you for a great video and food for thought!

Everyone needs to learn from this.

Literally watching this trying to avoid hitting buy on a new Fitbit so I don't have to feel the fear and grief and worry and who knows what else because my dog is sick.

I find that's the problem when your hobby is something related to how you look. It's such a tricky situation & you cannot be immune to the marketing machine or social media. If your hobby is gardening & you're excited about the latest trowel purchase I'm sure it just doesn't do the same thing to you. I'm a bloke, never used make up. But I can't see how unless it's like drag makeup or stage/fx makeup it's really tricky. My wife loves it & she works hard at no buys etc. when feeling difficult emotions. I find myself making emotional purchases around my bike. The bike gives me a sense of play/joy/freedom so whenever I'm feeling crappy I tend to scroll & see what the latest thing I can buy is. I've gotten much better at it & staying away from channels that just bang on about the latest & greatest & tuning into ones that are more "fun" & "adventure" has a big part of that.

First of all you are beautiful and do not need the blush. I want to thank you for helping me think about why I want to buy the silver shoes. Is it because they are "in"? Is it because I genuinely think that I would wear them often and love them? Is it the FOMO of the temporary extra discount? Or do I just want to make any purchase at all?

Wow this hits hard. I want a new phone because mine has been annoying me lately and I have been obsessively researching different phones. But mine still works! And the smartphone industry is terrible for the environment and human rights too! So I’ve been trying to hold off getting a new phone, but WOW there’s this part of me that desperately wants a new one so I can get the dopamine of buying something new and expensive that will impact my daily life. I’m struggling to find other ways to get that sweet dopamine my ADHD brain craves. This video reminds me I’m not alone with this struggle

This is my first time watching your channel. I honestly have been scrolling all morning to purchase a ‘decorative box’ to house/organize some items in my room. The bad part is said items are already housed in a wooden box and a basket. My brain was like if I put them together in one container it will look better and not be so “chaotic” on my shelf. I am literally trying to do a no/low buy year but was literally almost about to do the opposite. I’m so glad I came across your video because it stopped me and made me think. Maybe I need to declutter some items, not buy something else to house the stuff I don’t need in the first place.

This hits. Thank you. To answer your question: Sun hats

How did I just now find your channel? This is absolute poetry.

A few days ago, I had a migraine and was hormonal and sad and lonely. I impulse bought a plushie koala I saw an ad for on Instagram that plays heartbeat sounds and glows a warm color as it faux breathes. I wanted the sensation of a being unfazed by whatever my state of mind might be and just steadily breathing beside me.

I used to spend crazy money on make up and skin care. Now I have one eyeshadow palette I use for my eyes, eyebrows, bronzer and blush. Saving coins for yummy pastries ♡ the last thing I bought was a pair of nike air force from the charity shop for €12. I like your face, I hope sometimes you do too ♡

I don’t usually comment on videos but this video really caught my attention. Thank you for just getting to the point at the start of the video.

I've just decided to do a no buy year because I'm being so heavily influenced by the intensity of perfect skin right now. i have very sensitive reactive skin and almost nothing works for me so I keep buying things in hopes that i'll find my 'holy grail' but i hold on to all the products that are okay or downright terrible because i feel bad about spending money on them. so, i'm done with spending money for a year.

I ping pong between impulse purchases and procrastinating buying actual things I know I want and would be actually worth my money 🤦🏼‍♀️ For now I'm just trying to procrastinate all purchases and call it good

I feel like I'm justifying my emotional spending by shopping second hand. I am less inclined to think a purchase through because I figure, if I dont buy this now I may never find it again.

I looked up your oldest videos and you are just as beautiful if not moreso now. ❤ I just purchased knobs for my kitchen cabinets. Instead of renovating I’m going to freshen them with a coat of paint and new hardware.

Completely off-topic, but i just saw 368 is closing down which kinda made me a bit sad. I'm watching you since you got featured there. It's like meeting an old friend I haven't seen in a while =)

I have never identified with a video more. My most recent purchase was fans to dance with. In the time I took to purchase them, I went through the feelings of being sad and disappointed that I am so much older than I was when I started, and how much progress have I really made? How many times have I let fear stop me from busting them out in public? Recording or posting videos because I don't like the way my face looks in the middle frame and the flow wouldn't look as graceful with the video cut on either side of that 2 seconds or my face contorted in a way that I don't find "pretty" when i waa dancing from the heart and freeing my soul. How much do I care about what people think? Why don't I care what I think more? Why don't I let myself have more fun, looking however I do, because I care how I feel more than how I look or am perceived. This was a fun thought exercise. Thank you for your content

One of the things I'm trying right now is putting time between the idea and the purchase. Its hard! Right now I'm just trying to save things up in a group of tabs on my phone until payday, and then I can make a couple of the purchases. Already I have found this to be helpful, but the hardest thing is maintaining it and not breaking the "rule"

I'm studying abroad in a couple of months and I keep wanting to buy cute things with the idea that everything I take with me needs to be a perfect version of that item (like those adorable metal bandaid kits they sell literally everywhere now). I think its clearly connected to me idealizing my future experiences and future feelings, and I'm trying to rein that in so that I can be more present and excited for the now, and also not expect unrealistic perfection from a future I'm not in yet

Loved this video. I'm usually pretty good at not buying things I don't need and don't have money for, but I think part of that is fear of being (or being seen as) superficial--as the kind of person who cares about objects and appearances more than ideas and experiences. But imbuing my own consumer habits with moral significance is a slippery slope, and can leave me feeling alienated from my body and my life. I want to be a contientious consumer (I want to be moral, I want to be self-aware, I want to accepted within my preferred community) but I also want moments of frivolous joy (which can be achieved without spending money, but I'm human! I like things!). Shopping second-hand has helped me get closer to a balance, I think, but weird feelings continue to abound!

I’m new here and I care what you have to say! I’m 42 and a musician and I own a lot of makeup and wear very little of it. This has given me a lot to think about, thank you xx

I buy a lot of trousers hoping they won't be uncomfortable, they're all still uncomfortable. I think I have to deal with the fact they don't make comfortable trousers in my size.

Super-insightful video, Taylor! I had to leave it for a few hours and watch it again because I had so many thoughts about it. I have way too much stuff as it is and try to mainly buy things to do rather than things to have. Most recent purchases have been tickets for Sam Campbell (stand-up comedian) here in Glasgow and for Lawrence (band) in London. There's always the nagging feeling of "am I enjoying this enough?" But I've gotten better at trying to enjoy the experience rather than treating it as an entry on the constantly updating tierlist in my head. If I look at who I support on Patreon, watch on RU-vid etc, then cuteness is way over-represented. That makes me concerned that I'm missing out on lots of great creators because algorithms and my own biases stop me from ever finding them. However, that doesn't mean that the creators I currently follow are only there because of their appearance. All of them make great content that's always worth my time. I admire the bravery of everyone who puts themselves online and is subjected to the judgment of themselves and others. One of my favourite streamers now Vtubes more and more because it's more comfortable for them than being on camera. There are almost no videos or pictures of me online - partly to avoid that kind of scrutiny. It does also make me wonder about how many potential great creators never even get started because of similar concerns

Woah! First video i've seen of yours and this is so very good! I took the steam game I didn't need out of my cart because of this. Better things to do with my time and mind.

I’m in my 30s, restarting a RU-vid journey. I’m rather a young looking person, which can also be difficult when asserting some sort of expertise. A lot of time I don’t care and then some moments I’m like "oh, all this is childish, I need to look older (read: cooler)" + the whole thing of editing videos where you stare at your face and analyze how good it looks part of the time is rather exhausting! However, we need imperfections within & without, and training ourselves to be neutral about them. Otherwise I wouldn’t find this channel. And this is the first video I watched + it made me subscribe! I applaud your vulnerability & please keep going ❤

Hitting 30 is so strange because I feel like most people do start to notice their aging more and start to feel like we do look a lot different to how we did when we were just reaching adulthood. There's definitely some mixed feelings in there. I don't have to deal with makeup per se but when my hair started thinning I fixated on it a lot and tried a lot of things to slow it down ... only thinking about it so much made my anxiety about it worse. I think the more we can learn to judge ourselves less, the more confident we end up feeling in our own skin.

So spot on, thanks for making this and sharing it.

Just wanted to chime in to say how much I appreciate your anti-consumerist content and how much I value what you have to say about it. I've been moving more than usual over the last year and right now I'm confronted with how much stuff i have without really having a proper place for it so I'm struggling though whether i need to acquire storage or i need to get right off of and also how much I will realistically use. I don't want to but things i already own just needed i can't find the one I own but I also don't want to keep things on the promise of needing it "someday"

I've been feeling guilty buying anything lately, even necessities. I spent a lot of money recently on a trip I only went on to see my bestie get married, so buying anything recently has felt irresponsible, even when I really need it :/

I just bought the Sanderson backerkit package for his new secret project. I felt a bit of fomo on the last campaign, and the idea of having read more books is more exciting that actually putting down my phone to read...

i haven’t watched the video yet but my response to the title was “oh my god… i can do that?” i’ve only practiced this when i literally don’t have the money to buy the thing i’m having a response to.

Great video, really enjoyed it. Came at the right time, too

Music gear is a bottomless money sink. I haven't had much luck with getting music projects firmly off the ground, but I still impulse spend on things that are useful when playing with a new group of people... who will inevitably lose interest in weeks or turn out to be entirely incompetent. In also very critical of everything, including products I case about, so I often end up buying 7 different types of the same product to find the truly best one, thinking that I'll just return or resell the others - which I mostly do, but it never goes as well as I plan for.

Love this video. The last thing i bought for myself was a new backpack because I've been using the same one since high school. I'm 22 now. Just figured I was ready to move on, in a way.

This is a lovely visual prose. Love recreating the _feeling_ of having purchased without having purchased. (Or that's how I'm taking it.)

This is my first video of yours and I have a feeling this will be my new favorite channel 😮 I was in REI recently - not because I needed anything - but because they offer a 20% off coupon to members annually that can be applied to one full-price item. The feeling of obligation coupled with the sheer amount of *stuff* in there made the shopping experience thoroughly unpleasant and anxiety-inducing. It can be so easy to overspend on outdoorsy items because, ostensibly, they’re necessary. Of course I need a camping chair that only weighs 18 grams! Or yet another Hydroflask! It’s such a weird confluence of people who probably love nature and care about the planet, and yet fall victim to the same consumerist messaging that permeates other, more openly frivolous spending categories.

I want to buy multiple big eyeshadow palettes and I think I will do it even though I already have some eyeshadow ..

i have been more mindful of what i’m purchasing…but purchased so much from aritzia at the beginning of the year. why? aritzia clothing is hit or miss on my body type but i guess i was so influenced from being online that i felt like buying it would make me feel and look good. much regret and have since not purchased any clothing. my new rule of thumb is i ask myself “will i use/wear this in a year?” if the answer is no, i don’t buy!

I impulse buy Barbie things for my daughter on eBay, something came up that was normally $15 and on eBay that’s be $15 plus shipping, but it was offered for $4 free shipping!!! So I bought it. But we don’t need it. I have a hard time passing up a deal, and I can get obsessed with looking at vintage Barbie and toys on eBay. I started an “old toys” Pinterest board and save things there, it helps me not buy them and it is super pleasing to look through the things I found. It’s my favorite Pinterest board by far. Someday when my printer is working I want to print things out and scrapbook old memories, things I wanted, things I had and how I played with them. For what it’s worth ~ I didn’t start wearing blush until I was 40. And because I wanted to for fun :)

I ordered a new perfume today (even though I have 27 others at the moment), because I remembered wearing it almost 10 years ago. As a perfume lover, I am often worried that a perfume I used to wear and love/wanted to purchase will be discontinued OR just reformulated, so the inner pressure to buy it as soon as I want to is high. Anyway, I try to sleep on the idea of buying anything for a couple of days and if it doesn't come out of my mind and I have free means to buy it, I do. [The perfume in question in Calvin Klein's Euphoria]

I had this issue with stationery from 2021 to 2023. I was very obsessed with stationery and fountain pens. It took a lot of mindfulness practice and reviewing my goals to realize four planners + 3 journals and 30 expensive pens aren't what I need to make the stories I want to make. So this 2024 I decided on ONE planner only, my morning pages journal and a sketchbook. It's been so mentally freeing. My biggest dilemma now is how to sell 30 used fountain pens because I have separation anxiety even if I don't use them as much lol. Also my latest purchase is food. And a gaming mouse. I had to replace my 7 year old mouse because the scroll wheel isn't working anymore. The hardest thing for me to overcome and stop spending so much money on is takeout because it's way too hot to cook in the Philippines...plus sometimes I really just don't have the brainspace to cook something anymore. So that's harder to solve for me.

It's always radish time.

i spent $200 on clothes recently but in my defense I wear exclusively the same skirt in different patterns. before that I bought art prints for my house. before that I bought 440 masks for mutual aid purposes. but I'm always Shopping Online and I've realized that.... maybe I don't like spending all my time Shopping Online.

I bought a pocketwatch recently. I'm fine with the fact that I bought it, it wasn't terribly expensive and I made sure to intentionally delay the gratification so that I didn't just instinctively hit the buy button, but I wish I had gone about it differently. I had been looking at tons of different ones, trying to find something secondhand that still definitely worked and wasn't shipping from too far away, but in the end I got frustrated with the process of trying to figure everything out and just went for the one I had liked the first time. It's a fine watch, it runs and i like the design, but it's definitely cheaper quality than I expected when i bought it, and I have a feeling it might've been dropshipped. Which doesn't feel great when I know how much effort I put into looking for one. If I'm going to be more intentional about my purchases, I need to work on chilling out and dealing with the frustration that comes with the extra steps of that intentionality. Excellent video:}

Short, straight to the point, and densely informative. I really learned something helpful. Wonderful video! My most recent purchase was last night and it was for strong magnets in a rectangular shape. I got them because I had been window shopping for costume bat wings that are worn at the hip (so more like succubus wings) and I couldn't find anything except ones that you wear on your upper back. I want to wear them casually, as I had made some casual wings two Halloweens ago that were worn parallel to my legs and attached to a belt chain. But I wasn't going to wear them again until I figured out a better way to put them on, being as I don't like wearing a loose belt like that so I had started using safety pins to wear them but the safety pins were such a hassle. So the cosplay strength magnets will solve the problem (cuz then I can just attach and detach the wings to whatever clothes I'm wearing), plus I can use them for other things like wearing an upright deer tail without a waistband, sewing them into a plushie and wearing it on my shoulder like a pet, attaching removable shoe accessories like a sculpted cloven hoof, and also as a way to set up my keychain and sticker displays at the craft fair I will be vending at next month. This reflection really makes me think abour how "weird" I am, or rather..... how much I like expressing myself? I don't do it for attention, I definitely am not someone who wants a ton of attention and I've never been popular anyway. I just like being myself, I'm in my own head a lot and really not paying much attention to strangers. If people vibe with me that's great and I truly treasure my closest friends, but if they don't that's also just fine by me. But ya, I'm gonna go dig out those wings from my closet and be the bat boy I wanna see on the world now.

Been debating buying an eink tablet for years, because I imagine it will help me write more. Recently opened those tabs again.

Wow. Yeah. For me, lately, it’s been home decor to try and make my first apartment following the end of a 12 year marriage feel like mine. I’ve also been buying new art supplies and teaching myself to work with media that previously intimidated me like paint and markers, but I am actually using those on a daily basis and enjoying the process and what I’ve been coming up with. It’s all very much in this transition, new me, making my life what I want it to be goal I have, but there is a lot of hurt and worry and inadequacy underneath it. On the other side of things, I’ve been trying to remove guilt from the equation and saying to myself that I deserve these things and that they are contributing to the new life I’m building because they bring me joy when I use them or look at them and to me, that makes it worth the money. I also am getting out of my apartment and walking around and being social when I’m shopping, which is much better than lying in bed and scrolling on my phone in my mind. So you know. Pros and cons.

My last purchase was groceries, but I have a lot of feelings about it despite it being a fairly frequent occurrence. My partner and I have a budget for food that we decided to increase a bit this year as a way to be able to eat out a bit more often (once-twice a month depending on the place). We've been doing an alright job at managing it so far, but next month we will be traveling to see the eclipse and celebrating both of our birthdays. I usually try to have most month's be a bit under-budget to allow for times like these, but we expanded into the new numbers very easily and it stresses me out to think about wanting to balance having the ability to celebrate and enjoy things and the practicality of maintaining our ability to do other things with our money too. The last week or so our fridge/pantry has been pretty sparse because we've both been very tired and neither felt like cooking something big enough to have leftovers and that has added some food stress as well. Despite not being in actual dire straits, not having something easy to make or pre-made is way more stressful. As a result we decided to buy some extra frozen and canned veggies we can just throw into whatever salad, soup or other dish we are making to help fill it out. There was an offer for free delivery if your ordered over a certain amount and since there was some big snow we considered it, but then it asked if we wanted to tip the driver and it would have been about the same as paying for the delivery in the first place. It made me wonder about how our grocer does deliveries and how much the people who run them are paid. It felt kind of weird to opt for doing pickup instead, since someone still has to prep that for us, but there isn't a prompt for tipping in that. I don't even know if it is the same people or if they hire different folks to do deliveries. Anyway, all that to say, this is why I don't spend money on things more than I have to, it almost always stresses me out more than whatever benefit I'll gain, outside of a few hobbies I know it doesn't bother me for.

I'm currently trying to work through emotional spending issues. I did not realize I was a person who could be "influenced" to buy things, but after looking over the credit card and bank statements and really thinking about many purchases I realized I was spending for my "ideal self". Things I feel insecure in I tend to spend on. Or I get bored and spend money on my home. I have realized also my ADHD is making me chase that hit that spending gives. My last purchase was some graph paper because I am studying math for the first time in a while and I prefer doing it on graph paper. I have many notebooks I could have used, but thankfully it came out to less than $10. I also have fomo with books very often, and although I read a ton I still have a pretty large TBR to get through. I have been doing ok with not spending for the most part for two weeks, but I need to keep it going.

I recently moved cities for a job, same industry but now I work in a physics/engineering team instead of a chemistry team, and it's a team of all men, in a dept of 85% men. I'm the first NB they've ever worked with, but they all seem disappointed about this because I was supposed to be the first woman they've ever worked with. They're fine, but only care about the male of cannon of things, and there's a background hum of masculine competitiveness in most things they do. I have been buying a lot of cargo pants and tradie boots and a new calculators and so forth instead of having the feeling of deeply missing the queer friendly and female leadership I have left behind to expand my career horizons. I know it's not the end of the world but it feels like I am maybe getting my 'just desserts' -- to work in a team of kinda confused/hostile dudes because I chose to pursue the veneer of prestige. Any way thank you for this very sweet and good video!!

First off this was an amazing video. You did a great job with the editing and it really captured that weird feeling of buying to fill a void. I think one of my my most recent purchases that was of note was a suit jacket for a wedding where I am in the bridal party and the color is black. I have black slacks already so I only needed a jacket to pull together an outfit, but I spent forever thinking about whether or not to buy slacks from the same company as the suit jacket so they would for sure match match. The slacks I currently have are cotton and the suit jacket I was buying is wool and I was worried the black colors would be slightly different or the fabrics would not match because they are made by different companies etc etc. I managed to pull myself out of the spiral and just buy the suit jacket and a black belt. And while the suit jacket does not perfectly match my slacks, I am almost positive no one will notice but me.

This is art

I recently bought a "clicker" for power point presentations. I bought it supposedly cause maybe I would use it in a teaching job I currently have, but I knew I actually would really never need it. I also bought it cause in the last 5-7 years I was very engaged in the scientific community about a topic in computer science that I now find likely an overall net negative to society and to how I would like to live life (and it's not even AI!). and back then having the clicker would've been neat, people with the clicker had it easier, and also looked neat and prepared. I went to a shop, found two clickers for the same price, one with more functions, and one more stylish and durable. I picked the one with more functions while regretting it, and walked to the till while knowing I didn't want it and would regret it, bought it, regret it, tested it and the next day returned it feeling bad. then I went to a different shop, found one for half the price, and while still knowing I didn't need it, I bought it. then got home and it was oh good so low quality plastic, I regret it, but didn't return it. all of this, and I also know I don't need it (maybe I would feel less bad if I did need it). and now I wonder if I insisted in buying it as part of a sort of ritual or good omen towards me finding a way to stay doing this job, which has its conveniente aspects and I have fond memories of, but of which I can't find the sense any more

I’m also not a big blush or makeup person but I’ve definitely been feeling the pressure about skin care and anti-aging stuff even though I’m only 24. On a related note, my most recent purchase was moisturizer with spf 30