Having IBD and feeling directionless 

Honestly, I'm glad you haven't gone through anything Ill mannered in your life. I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy. It takes away so much from you, the little things even that people take for granted. I'm happy that you found this video. Thank you and much love.

First yeah that is finn and I tried recording this video 3 times cause of my animals so when I saw him in the background honestly I said oh well lol it's a cat being a cat. As for your comment I couldnt agree more and I'm slowly learning less is more, what means the most to me. Something even with borderline personality disorder that hasn't changed is my love for music, yes the louder the better (my rock n roll), that includes my records, my Anthony Hopkins movie collection and my love for making youtube videos so my camera and laptop.. also a notebook to journal and write poetry. It's just hard though to accept the life you wanted isnt that you have. We will get there. Glad you are in a space so open and what seems like forgiving and accepting. Makes me happy. So much love always.

@@SarahraeLivingLife 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Last night before I watched your video I had just fallen out with a cousin, practically severing ties with a whole branch of the family, so I am glad I sounded forgiving and accepting. I can only put that down to the calming effect of being in the company of you and Finn!! 😺👩‍💻 Like you I am a work in progress, though these days it feels more like turmoil. I think I was wistfully harking back to when my Mam was alive, to be honest. For the first time in my adult life, as my Mam's long term carer, I had found peace and acceptance for who I am and what I couldn't change, and a true appreciation for what I had, then Cancer ripped through our lives like The Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse with a personal vendetta and such savage cruelty. My Creed in life is to try to remember what I believe in and hold true to my Mam's last words to me (other than I love you). She said "You are beautiful. BE beautiful." Sarah, it is so very hard. It sounds like such a simple mantra. I would say I usually (though not yesterday😤) mange the 2nd part and project kindness and love into the world. Unfortunately I do not feel beautiful in any way, shape or form. I feel like the husk of a fly after a spider has sucked all the life from it. I guess I am long practiced at projecting light towards others while inside I can't always find the switch. One positive thing is that I have learned how to see people as they truly are, and I have come to realise that in essence we are all still children. Most people get confused by the facade of ageing, but that is all it is, a hardened exterior we use to protect ourselves. Our true selves are vulnerable and our emotions open and honest so we learn to hide them away in fear. As a carer of the elderly, Sarah, you will have seen how in the end we all show the world our true selves as our inner child comes through. In that time we show our innocence and beauty because we can no longer hide it away. The trick is to be able to be that way all the time, and I am not sure the world is ready for that. The artificial social construct of adulthood is so engrained in society that we as people even try to steal childhood from the young by overwhelming their schooling with stress and panic to attain completely irrelevant standards. There is a reason that we usually spend our adult lives reminiscing about our childhoods and how happy we were. Young kids are so completely themselves and live life in the moment. The mistake we make is thinking that is supposed to change. At our core we have basic needs, food, shelter, love, friendship. Once these are met what next? Think of our ancient ancestors living in caves. Once they were fed and watered they turned to art and invention. People learned skills and then at some point people started to realise they could use other people to do the hard work and live like kings and the world went very wrong. I guess my point is that we Sarah, have through adversity and a reduction of our circumstances below what most people consider 'normal' had the chance to see how good life really is for most people and how they still squander it. To be healthy, in the company of someone you love, safe, fed, with access to Def Leppard and Metallica songs at the touch of a button. What more do you really need? A corner office with a view of another corner office? The faint praise of a boss after you just did all their work? A car that costs more than a house but essentially does the same as the one that costs 90% less? A watch that does the same thing as your phone which in turn does the same thing as your watch, but they are shiny so you need both of them? Diamond jewelry that has no real intrinsic value and looks exactly the same to the naked eye as cut glass? What point was I making? Oh I suppose the same as the last time really. KISS. Keep it simple, Sarah!😉😁 We have no choice, but it is a better way to live, and everyone ends up in the same place regardless so just take pleasure in the simple things. Bird song, Hershey and Finn, drinking water when you are thirsty, making someone smile, giving your loved ones a cuddle, singing along to Pour some sugar on me in a loud voice even though you can't sing and the lyrics are amusingly risque. Enjoy life as best you can and let the person in the corner office stay there on their own, looking out the window dreaming of the clock they'll get when they retire. I shall end this thesis by repeating to you Sarah, what my Mam said to me. "You are beautiful. BE beautiful." 😀🤘🤘👋

I hate what happen to you and your family. Cancer took my grandma a long time ago. Also I relate when you say you don't feel beautiful in any way shape or form. I feel that heavily and some self hatred thrown in there but let's just add I'm in therapy lol. I love the quote your mam said and I will always remember it so thank you. I really appreciate you as a subscriber, how much we so far have talked and gotten to know eachother. Thank you. It's so much more than I ever imagined for my channel.

@@SarahraeLivingLife It makes me very happy that you both accept, and enjoy, our little chats.😁 It's not everyday that you make a real connection with someone in the comments section. I think both of us sometimes forget that it's a public forum so anyone can read what we say, then again I reckon the whole world's emails and texts are probably stored in several server farms around the world anyway being studied by trained monkeys like the ones that had micro chips embedded their brains by Elon Musk. So who cares, right, as long as you don't mention bananas? I must say, for someone I have never met, you are very easy to talk to Sarah, and you have been very kind to a sad weirdo with a questionable sense of humour!🤣🤣🤣 One serious truth though, said without any agenda, apart from that I felt it needed to be said, was my sharing of my Mam's last words. I haven't told many people (except for all of RU-vid😱) so it meant a lot to me too, that I gave you those words. Without wanting to presume too much, I know from things you have said about how you often feel, and the similar struggles we have probably shared. I won't say that you needed to hear those words, but I can say that when I watched your latest video I felt those words were as true for you as for me. To be honest I think you are pretty cool, and way more badass than me! Taking up Wrestling with an ostomy?!?! Many would say that was either bravery or foolishness. I on the other hand think I recognise defiance, and possibly internalised rage? As I say, you are a badass, and I respect that!🤨 If you ever want to chat or need some inane or sarcastic humour to cheer you up, then just leave a reply and I will respond asap. I am looking forward to your next Def Leppard review, so will catch you there! Take care my Friend!😁👍🤘🤘