Hazbin Hotel's Problem with Plot | Narrative Academy 

A huge problem this show has is that most of the lore and explanation happens off-screen in like live streams or social media posts. A lot of fans don't see the show as confusing because they follow all of that stuff, but casual viewers like myself were very confused.

Basically, “kill your darlings” you can’t add everybody in such a concise shoe and with the limited time. If I have 10 oranges, but can only afford a crate to hold 5 oranges, I either need a bigger crate, or to drop a few oranges…

The biggest problem of Vivziepop is that she ISN'T A WRITER she's an artist a commissioner a character creator. That's why the show has an already large cast but added MORE and MORE and MORE characters.

My problem is just the pacing. They rushed so fast over problems they set up. Who killed the angel? Oh, it's Carmilla. When was she introduced? Episode 3. And when did we learn she did it? The minute she's introduced. Sir Pentitous being sent to spy on the hotel. When did he do that? Episode 2. When did they find out? Episode 2. When did we find out heaven citizens don't know about the exterminations? Episode 6. And when was it revealed to them? Episode 6. When did we learn Charlie has daddy issues? (To be honest, her daddy issues aren't even daddy issues, but the show insists it is.) Anyways, Episode 5. When did she resolve it? The same episode. What ever happened to fleshing out your ideas and not rushing?

26:19 THATS WHAT IM SAYING!!! “did you know angels could be harmed?” Should’ve been changed to, “did you know angels could be killed?” To fix that plot hole. Vaggie should know angels can be harmed but not killed. Having her eye and wings ripped off caused a lot of blood loss, yet she didn’t die (same thing applies to lute when she ripped her arm off). Srry if my wording doesn’t make sense I’m bad at words

One thing I find annoying though is when a RU-vidr is confused by one thing and the comments are flooded with explanations when actually you shouldn’t need to explain an important plot detail the show literally never fucking said in the first place… hazbin has a lot of that, they really don’t like explaining anything in the actual show ☠ (just something I notice when people make more critical videos on hazbin)

As much as I enjoyed the show....It seems more like Hazbin was written for people who have followed Viz since the start. Which isn't a horrible thing but it holds it back for sure. Longtime Hazbin fans won't have trouble connecting to characters or plot because Viz has been sharing information about these characters for years. While New fans can easily become confused and uninterested because so much is happening to a cast they just met. I agree that the first season should have been character focused. Longtime fans would have loved it because we would get a better understanding of what is canon for certain characters and what isn't. And New fans could become invested in these characters without having to learn about them from the wiki rather than the show.

A problem I also have is about hell born sinners, they did nothing to get there and Charlie doesn't stand up for them. It could have been a great point to tell the angels, because Charlie herself did nothing to be there either.

Sir pentious was actually re-purposed because the fandom loved him, he originally was just gonna be a silly one off villian when viv first made him

My biggest problem with Hazbin is that if you were a causal fan of the show you would know literally NOTHING about the characters. Most of the things we know about the cast are things said on streams or twitter or blog posts. We shouldn't have to do homework to understand characters. Angel for example: if your watching the show how would you know he's an Italian mobster? Nothing about his character tells you about the time period he was from or what he did when alive. As you said season 1 definitely should have been about exploring the characters. You shouldn't be expected to dig through streams just to get a basic understanding of their character (Edit: I have since changed my opinion on this point, my point on redemption still stands though) Another issue that botherd me was the whole redemption thing. Like how much would Charlie be willing to forgive just so she could redeem someone? Would she try redeeming Valentino despite what she knows about him? Where does she draw the line? What does she think is unredeemable? Hell what have the main cast done to be sent to hell?? Should they even be forgiven for their crimes?? If they are forgiven and sent to heaven, what about their victims? Do they just have to deal with the fact that the person who killed/ruined their life is now in heaven because they're 'sorry'? WHY WAS THIS NEVER DISCUSSED IN SEASON 1 WHEN THE WHOLE SHOW IS ABOUT REDEMPTION?!?

the way I went "you didnt know angel was there for redemption? but they talked about it in the pilot- oh..." says a lot about how you shouldnt lock important info behind supplemental material, like you said. it just kinda hit me that a LOT of viewers who didnt see the pilot likely didnt even realize angel was at the hotel for rehabilitation until at least episode 6, which is very clunky writing (at best)

Am I the only one that feels like the timeline went by really fast? We're told heaven is bumping up the extermination to 6 months, but the show never addresses how close it gets to that timeframe until maybe 1 or 2 episodes before the finale. Like, shouldn't they emphasize the fact there's a deadline to beat? Especially since the hotel itself would be targeted first?

_Who could thought angels could be harmed._ Said the one-eyed wingless angel (evangelion opening starts) WOMAN, YOU'RE THE Fμ¢KING ANSWER! How nobody noticed that?

I think the fact that the fandom will often expect people to know lore and stuff featured outside the show is something I find particularly annoying. Good analysis! I'd love to see you make one for Murder Drones tbh!😊

On the topic of the qualifications for getting into heaven being brushed off while in heaven, I think it’s very realistic, I’m getting “we are angels so everything we do is good” vibes from them instead of choosing to do good, the extermination is a perfect example of this as Sera clearly doesn’t want it but acts like it’s good because she decided it’s good, I feel like if I were her and I were confronted with “what does it take to get into heaven” I’d want people to forget that topic so that I don’t have to explain why I don’t know

"this MAN... is STINKY" made me laugh 😂 Appreciate hearing a critique if this show that feels sort of disconnected from all the bile surrounding it. I've read/listened to some much much harsher critique ive agreed with but here I appreciate the genuine desire to see where the show couldve been better if given the tools/structure/time. Looking forward to more narrative academy in the future ^_^

The main problem with the show is that it’s more about heaven and hell going to war than Charlie actually using her hotel to get sinners to rehabilitate

Your first point about them making so much plot in only eight episodes - i wish we could go back to 12 to 20 episodes per season

My two main queefs with the show it self 1. Most of the info that we are supposed to know is basically off screne And Wikipedia and fans are constantly contradicting them selves with information from 3 years ago that migth not even apply anymore 2. the designs How most of them DON'T correlate with the time they died all the characthers in the main cast are basically just in suit and tie Its like These characters had very different purposes and they just didnt want to edit the design but gave them backstories that dodnt match Also the insp for alot of designs do not come through Like angel being a spider Or velvette being a demon doll thing

my biggest problem was that a lot of things felt like they happened off screen especially with Alastor. Like, in the song “Hell’s Greatest Dad,” he says that he’s always helping around the hotel… except he’s not around for most of the time. He is supposedly this manipulative dangerous possible antagonist with his own agenda and plan, but he’s just never around leaving him feel unexplored.

I'm a bit surprised they didn't include the pilot on Amazon, because it effectively does what your idea for a rewritten Season 1 does. It's 20 minutes just focused on Charlie, Vaggie, Angel Dust, and their dynamic as a team

Another massive plot point that kinda finally pushed me over the edge into "This show was a good concept, that had poor execution" The exterminations, the focused on main event the story revolves around. Was kept a secret from a majority of the higher power angels because even if it was demons, many angels where very much not chill with committing genocide. In fact it was purely Adam, Sera (who signed off on it in secret), and all exorcists (like vaggie & lute) created solely for the purpose of committing genocide who knew! So when it is brought up during Charlie's hearing, it literally shakes the court room and emily literally tells sera off for signing off on such a horrible crime like that. That is a really, really big deal. Because it means that the exterminations weren't even supposed to be a THING. It meant that adam was killing for fun. Not because of overpopulation, not because of fear of an uprising from the countless sinners, but because of adams bloodlust that had been building up for hundreds if not thousands of years. And then in the same case, there's vaggie an angel who was rewarded for slaughtering millions but when she spared singular demon child she was punished. That is also a massive deal in my book because it wasn't even heaven who dealt out that punishment, it was solely adam and lute! It shows how gray the rules between heaven and hell actually are...and it's all contained in one musical number. We don't see the consequences for adam letting the cat out of the bag just so he can rub it in charlie's face that she's helpless. We don't see the consequences for lute taking punishment into her own hands and ripping out vaggies eye or cutting off her wings. You're telling me that a secret genocide that was kept hush hush for years and only got exposed because the princess of hell was tired of her people being slaughtered directly challenged adam, had ZERO repercussions at all? Nothing, it's just immediately after a dive into "Well how do we fight off the extermination because fuck em" --- I've been following the project before the pilot was even dropped, but I wasn't watching the podcasts or following every single detail I could get my hand on. I was a casual fan excited for the release. So when Hazbin Hotel didn't feel like a show, it felt like "These characters I created are FINALLY on screen guys look!" and the story suffered for it? I just, was so disappointed. You can't even really blame it on just "Oh well the production company only gave them eight episodes to work with" because helluva boss has some of the similar problems with its own narrative. It's purely the writers this time around. Good concept. Horrible execution.

Coming to this not having seen the show, this feels like it’s trying to do what The Good Place did. The Good Place’s central premise was a group of ‘sinners’ trying to figure out how to improve themselves and get into The Good Place (their version of heaven), as all of their sins are essentially being annoying, vain, or selfish. A lot of the episode themes are centered around philosophical concepts around morality. Then there is a twist that no has gotten into heaven in hundreds of years, because the rules of getting into heaven are archaic and now capitalism and the internet have made everyone complicit in the horrors and so even when you do good things it’s counted as a negative due to the wider impact. In the end they themselves set up a scheme to prove the system is flawed and needs fixing. Basically, watch The Good Place

Narrative academy seems like a very useful and interesting series for all of us that are working or want to work on our own freelance projects, helping us know and notice mistakes in our own works and make a more critical view of the shows we consume. As for hazbin, I think that not puting up the pilot as a chapter 0 is a huge problem since there are some plot points (like how angel dust ended up as a client of the hotel and Charlie starting the hotel) and the show relies a lot on outside information

Is anyone gonna talk about how great Star's art is

one change I could make: THE TRIAL COULD BE THE SEASON ONE FINALE INSTEAD OF ADAM. End the season on a hopeless note for Charlie and a fck heaven, build it up towards 'You Didnt Know' but also now she knows that no one knows how to get into heaven, this relies on them getting a season 2 but it would be cool and keep my favourite song

There's a 6 MONTH cut between the first and last episode. You know we could have a LOT of character development in that time lapse? Viv?

I feel like we could have an episode where after they learn that extermination is coming soon, they try to redeem themselves, but none of them actually know how. You know who might? Lucifer, A fallen angel. The episode could be sort of like the cast trying to convince Charlie to ask for help, while she tries to push it off and do it her way because she knows her dad won't help, but at the end of the episode, they convince her. Then, the next episode could be her calling Lucifer, and then essentially Hells Greatest Dad

Here’s an idea- what if Charlie was raised in Heaven, isolated from her pops and raised by one of the angels (explaining her obliviousness towards the crappiness of the Hazbinverse version of Hell and the complexities of redemption)?

My main issue with the redemption plot line is it has no idea how redemption works. Why are we trying to use the qualifications in order to get to heaven in the first place? Those were meant for alive humans with a clean slate. Those aren’t relevant. What you need is what it takes to make up for the sins you already committed on earth and continue to commit in hell. Charlie seems to act this way too using camp counselor tactics to redeem people who need therapy and boot camp tactics. Plus she keeps acting like extermination is due to overpopulation even though in the story SHE read it shows the true reason. Hell was gaining power because Lilith for some reason was in encouraging human bad behavior (which we see in helluva boss) and growing hells numbers and the extermination was to keep hell from taking over. Which if she really cared about this then she’d use her influence as princess of hell to stop the hellborne from growing hells power and numbers. Take preventative measures to make sure people don’t go to hell in the first place. And even in the episode after the heaven trial she admits she doesn’t have evidence yet was still so adamant on seeing heavens higher ups.

As an Owl House fan, there are challenges with larger casts, or developing larger parties without easing into them. Which makes giving everyone a resolution much harder. So it seems Hazbin is in the vein of this, just if every season was like TOH's Season 3, accidentally shafting and introducing all at once.

I LEGIT JUST FINISHED REDESIGNING MY HAZBIN OC THIS IS GREAT TIMING

The show should been. Sinner presents. Sinner works to correct themself. Sinner fails. Song. Sinner tries again. Succeeds. Charlie has 1 point to show her system works.

32:34 "Stinky" why did that catch me off guard- pfffft XD

Perfect takes, 10/10

I love seeing Lucifer and Alastor in your style. I also love that I can hear the “Can you butt out of my song?” part of Hell’s Greatest Dad 🤣

I’ve fumbled the “keep in mind what your audience knows/doesn’t know” thing before. If you’re ever writing a dramatic-irony reveal in a limited POV, make sure you know which end of the shock your audience is gonna be on XD

Couldn't Charlie just ask Lucifer to make angelic weapons instead of including Carmine in this season at all? I mean, he is an ex-angel, who makes stuff- And like, you'd doubt the exterminstors would drop THAT many weapond behind is a bit exaggerated

Feels nice having a critique for Hazbin Hotel from someone that actually sounds like a normal person who actually means well, and genuinely wants the series to improve… *Yes I’m on Twitter how could you tell?*

I really, REALLY loved this media analysis!! It looks like some other people have pointed this out, but it feels like your "Kill your darlings" mantra really applies to how you approached this series. I hope you do more of these in the future -- I'd love to hear your takes on some of your favorite shows, or even shows that are flawed, but ones in which you still have passionate ideas about!

honestly, looking at projects like Hazbin failing at certain aspects while having a stellar concept is making me really think about my own project where i want to avoid such pitfalls. it might not be perfect, and my project is not currently an animation based one (maybe in the future) but it does make me feel motivated to do better, and videos like this breaking down what could have been changed to improve the media actually really helps so thank you!

I think during the judgment scene the whole group is being judged. It's not that Charlie is showcasing Angel Dust as her best work of redeption, but rather the angels just _target_ Angel Dust because he's the most obviously flawed. He's the most "sinfull" of the group. It's the lowest fruit for them to pick and also the "highest score" for Charlie if she could actually prove he's been redeemed. Also the fact that everyone, including the audience overlooks Sir Pentious makes for a much funnier payoff when he eventually does get to heaven,

As someone who consistently watches several hours of content discussing media I don't engage with, this analysis video is right up my alley.

the pacing just boiled down to, Viv was given 8 guaranteed episodes, but didn't know if A24 would give more. also, i feel like its just a deconstructed musical spit into episodes

Man... Ngl, as someone who's only seen the art for Hazbin and never the show itself (lack of interest), it never hit me that: - That's Lucifer - *That's Charlie's dad* I just thought he was her "annoying younger brother" or something because of his baby face and being shorter 😂😭

I just discovered this channel and I have to say that your ability to convey information while remaining respectful of the material you're critiquing is practically perfect. You prefaced the criticism with honest feedback, followed up with encouragement, and gave clear, concise reasoning for what you gave. This is not the kind of work I expect from a RU-vid channel; this is the sort of thing I got when I paid copious amounts of money to attend university lectures. Bravo.

If your confused If someone gets stabbed and die via normal weapon.. that sucks back to respawn sixer. But if it’s by angelic steel that’s game over. Also great vid 😁

Honestly. To me the biggest plot issue is having the redemption plotline and angels-can-be-killed-oh-shit plotline occur in parallel. It would've been a logical progression for S1 to go as you suggested: Charlie works to discover how sinners can be redeemed, she finds out they can’t. The season ends with a somber note with the sinners knowing they’ve failed as the clock strikes for another extermination. But as all hope seems lost, we see an angel's decapitated head roll to Charlie's feet. Thus establishing what the plot of S2 will focus on: if you can’t work with 'em, work against 'em.

The pilot was masterful. Fast paced but not chaotic, ensemble 'cast' but not overwhelming. But I got three eps in to the Prime adaptation and it was such an overcrowded mess I gave up. It felt like everything was playing at 2 x speed with some songs thrown in.

Very well spoken! I hope to see you make more of these for other stories! I’ve been casually following Hazbin since before the pilot and it’s crazy to see how much it’s changed and how many people have seen it now. This show is the biggest example of the writers forgetting to include all the little details in their brain so the audience is just left confused.

Narrative Academy is such a great idea for a series on your channel! I'm super excited to see what other media you plan to bring on here, whether that be comics, shows, movies, anime, books, hell even stage plays and musicals! Having something like this in the back pocket to look at for reference would be fantastic for writers including myself. That fact that it's coming from you makes it all the better since not only will we get some great insight, but we'll also get some great art out of it.

I agree with all of your points, and I think the way I thought about it in my head was that Viv has a lot of pressure put on her for her first big project, without any real big story creation before. Because of this, it seems the the show is really just a place to put her OCs and their lore in. I don’t mean this badly, really, but it really does feel more character-focused rather than plot, which can be good, but with her limited experience, it doesn’t seem to be executed as well as it could have been.

I agree with a lot of your points! I casually started paying attention to the series like years ago, even before the pilot and I was worried watching the series due to some of the narrative flaws that it was gonna tank the show. I’m glad it didn’t but I thought some of the choices were…interesting. I think that there is also a hefty amount of the show runners trying to cater to long term fans who have seen some of these character designs and heard bits of lore and stuff for years and years. I understand the reasoning of course but narratively it winds up being very messy especially with the short amount of time they had. All in all I’m glad you had a well balanced critique and I’m hoping things are better in season 2 onward.

12:29 I was 100% surprised by this choice as well. It comes back to: Hazbin Hotel, do you want to be episodic or have a running story? Because normally stuff like this only gets resolved at the end of a season, or even at the end of a second season... or even the end of a show.

this is such a wonderful analysis Star !! I've personally never watched the series (I don't have prime) but the way you explained the story and the characters and how they could've been different/better made so much sense !!

the fact hazbin hotel got me into studying heaven/christan topics is wild,

I don't get why people are so annoyed about Angel's episode. Like, I legitimately do not know how anyone can, with a straight face, say they think it "glorrifies" SA. Like, you have to have actually not paid attention. Just because it involved a pop song does not mean it wasn't treating that situation VERY seriously

I feel they could've done something interesting with Angel Dust being the one Charlie picks as an example in heaven. Maybe it didn't start out that way, she easily picked Sr Pentious, and Adam noticing that the angels are beginning to agree, shifts the focus to Angel Dust, which could make Charlie unsure. It could be something brought up in season 2 if Angel DUst not only finds out heaven was judging him without his knowledge, but that Charlie didn't have that much faith in him ?? Though I totally agree I would've loved to see Angel work up to take those redemption steps :D

32:35 100% agree. I know Alastor smells crazy. I already know he doesn’t brush them yellow ass teeth. I doubt he even uses mints.

I just wanna say that i loved the “class dismissed!” at the end! Honestly a great line for a series called “Narrative Academy”

All your comments can pretty much be applied to all of Vivziepop's works, even those that don't have an episode cap (eg Helluva Boss) or even her webcomics. She has a talent for character design and ideas but she is not a writer and hugely struggles with setup (she's even stated herself she enjoys writing angst and payoff, not buildup). If she could get someone who is to rein in her ideas and handle the writing side, all her works would be so much better for it.

This is exactly the kind of analysis I really want to see more of, dissecting popular shows/media in order to learn more about the successes and pitfalls of crafting a compelling narrative! I really enjoyed your discussion and agree with a lot of your points. I look forward to future episodes in this series!! Honestly watching Hazbin Hotel and noticing the ways it fell short have actually been a huge inspiration in shaping my own writing. The biggest thing I noticed, which was touched on in the video, is the way that important world and character information just... isn't established very well, if at all. I do wonder if a part of the reason this is a problem is because, given it's huge online presence even before the show came out and side content, there was a bit of an expectation that certain things were just already known - sort of similar to the liberties fanfiction is able to take, assuming a level of familiarity with the material. It made me really reflect on how I plan to establish and introduce my world and characters in my own fiction, which I am grateful for, especially since I know I have struggled with it in projects I've done in the past. Loved the video, and I hope to see more in the future!!

Honestly i agree with most of not all the points here its really nice to finally hear actual real critisism instead of just aim less hate and i'd especially agree with the part abt vaggie tbh it always kinda bugged me too tbh its sad because in my opinion vaggie is one of my favorite characters but theres still so much missed potential here again i do agree with most if not all of your points here

Just wanted to touch on the topic of Angel Dust’s trauma mentioned at 11:17 as someone who’s a victim. I personally didn’t think there was anything wrong with his portrayal, but that’s just my perspective. I never got the feeling that his abuse was being romanticized and actually related to him a lot. I thought the show was more so trying to critique abuse in the entertainment industry, rather than say anything about Angel himself. The images in *that* song were definitely a bit triggering for me, but I viewed it as Angel dissociating and feeling as though he’s too far in to escape his abuse. Again, this is just my opinion on the topic, and i know other victims may have different views. Overall, I really liked this video concept and I can’t wait to see your commentary on Ghost Trick!

I love all your points in this video especially the point that you are only taking the shows information. An issue with some fans is that when someone brings up a weakness they point to external sources for an explanation. Sure a really deep fan of the show is willing to go through thousands of tweets, hundreds of hours of livestreams and the prequel comics to get more info but your average viewer won't. Extra content is fun and a great place for fun extra information but important things to the plot or the function of the show needs to be in the show. I love your take which used what is already there and just places them differently.

The fans were waiting around 10 years (maybe more) for show to come out, I think that's why they fan fed the audience, giving everyone's favorite characters screen time and lore just to fed the fans like a 6 year old child feeding her first fish

Some other hot takes: This series shouldn’t be a musical. The actors are all incredible but it simply isn’t long enough both in episode length and in season length to be a musical. Musical songs tend to be pretty long, and that’s for good reason. For example “Hell’s greatest dad” is an electro-swing diss track between two people. It’s in a genre of music known for having long instrumental solos, and for it to communicate the conflict of Alastor and Lucifer, we should see them go back and forward with a couple of verses each, at least two choruses and a bridge, as well as some of the bouts of fiddle and piano. If it were me, and I’d make this song about 4 minutes. Instead it’s only 2min 15 seconds. Compare that to other musical numbers that are confrontations between two people: Cabinet Battle #1 from Hamilton is 3min 30sec, Confrintation from Jekyll and Hyde is 4mins 26 secs, and while Les Mis’ ‘Confrontation’ is only 2min 30secs, it’s not a jazz number. And this happens with most of the songs. They are jam packed with key changes and tempo changes and time changes, that listening to them feels like somebody cut a better song in half. Ideas and motifs are discarded so quickly that it often feels like you’ve listened to halves of different songs stitched together. I think “You didn’t know” is the best example of this. This is the most climatic song of series, a huge turning point, what should be the best song in the series, a huge ensemble song with so many people and it’s only a little over three minutes. Compare that to Hamilton’s ‘Non-Stop’ which is 6 mins and 24 seconds… the only two songs that I think take enough time and are paced well enough are ‘loser’ and ‘poison’. Anyway, that’s my music critic.

I 1000% agree with your take of putting the important stuff in the story rather than outside sources. My personal rule I follow is "if it's not in the source material or an official side project, it's not canon."

Okay just one thing I want to say to clear up your confusion Star, a Demon is a natural inhabitant of hell, think Imps, Hellhounds, that stuff, Sinners are people who died and got sent to hell, there that’s all I gotta say.

Hazbin Hotel can best be explained like this (at least for me): A bunch of big set pieces, payoff, and characters… Without any of the smaller and slower scenes that set that all up. I ended up not caring about the characters or the world all that much because season 1 didn’t restrain itself and do something more manageable with the time it was given. So much happened in season 1 but at the same time so much didn’t happen. Season 1 feels more like a basic story outline or bullet points that the story is supposed to work off of.

Angel dust being abused by Valentino is seen as terrible, but Sir pent getting sexually assaulted is seen as funny in the show. Does anyone see the problem here?

When a show is Indie having 'extra homework' isn't too unreasonable, seeing as the platform can allow for that quite easily, but the moment it's a professional show with a big scale budget and streaming then they can't get away with that. Right now I'm in a fandom (Eve: Inochi No Tabekata) where you can find lore literally anywhere, the comics, the music videos, the light novel, it's a lot to keep track of and VERY hard to explain but all of it is on the internet. Though I don't feel overwhelmed because the core of it's story and lore are in the manga, everything else is extra details or 'lore' we can use to predict things. Hazbin leaves out a lot, but says a lot as well, making it very confusing for someone not in the fandom.

Narrative academy aka writing help, OOOHHH YESSS exactly what i need bcus i'm currently writing my own animated series

It’s almost as if Hazbin wants to be episodic like an 80’s cartoon yet it has a very complex plot line that only a super-fan like me would understand.

One of my biggest issues with the hazibin/helluva lore, is that so much of it is revealed in outside media, like live streams. One of the more interesting examples, is that when sinners in hell die by non-angelic weapons, apparently they’ll just regenerate, or respawn if the wound is severe enough (and the regen process is incredibly painful). You would NEVER know any of this by watching either of the 2 shows.

Amazing video! Even as a fan of the show, I got frustrated with the flaws and writing choices as well and I agree with your critique, but I'm glad that the video wasn't only negative. I also loved your art and I hope to see more analysis of other shows from you!

For me there are various problems 1. Pacing We can't even know the characthers or care that we have to see tenthousand things happening in the back. LIKE DUDE STOP. Example : the frist episode, we can't even care for the character that bam A EXTERMINATOR IS Killed. Give me time. 2. Why should I care? Camilla is the best example of this. We see her, we discover she did a thing to protect her children and bam we are supposed to care. Why? She has a sad story. And while it is true, I can't care for her because, well YOU DIDNT GIVE ME TIME TO KNOW HER AND A REASON TO CARE. That is a problem very revelant, we are supposed to care, but again, why? If I don't know even who they are... The creator believes we know all, while, in really we don't Comfused wordbuliding Again why a soul get in Heaven? We don't know But if PEOLPE went in heaven , so what they did...? Let the character discover what they did to get there. Redemption This is very important and hard to understand. Redemption start when someone understand they did someting wrong. Did ever a chararcher asked if they did someting wrong? Did they asked sorry for their faults... Again no. SO WHY THEY SHOULD ASK THE REDEMPTION IF THEY DONT UNDERSTAND THE WRONG IN THE FRIST POINT. We are supposed to root for them, but why? They don't care for redemption as frist place? The only one who does someting is Serpentius.

The issue I feel is that the Pilot is still canon. With the Pilot saying that they do it for population control.

As someone who does do their homework, I wanna say that alot of the questions are supposed to be answered in s2, and according to the writer is to be focused on most of the beginning questions mentioned. Overall though I think these questions are valid OH ALSO YEAH, THE WRITERS BLANTENT FAVORITISM TO ANGEL MAKES ME SO MAD

Relevant and constructive, you articulated exactly what bugged me but couldn't get my finger on. Great work!

Strange, that I didn't really feel the time passing through the episodes. You watch one episode, then there is another, and, suddenly, you learn that a lot of time actually passed, however, you don't really get to feel the changes.

28:20 and specially DON'T MAKE A 6 MONTH GAP in the first SEASON!

I think part of the reason that angels weren't set up as invincible in the beginning is that this takes place in the same universe as Helluva Boss, which is on its 2nd season already, and where angel weapons are present and known to kill powerful things including potentially angels. This means that for people who've seen the other show, it makes sense that angels being invincible would be a reveal in and of itself. Additionally, setting up angels as invincible at the start would cause those who'd seen Helluva Boss start to question the worldbuilding as it would look inconsistent. But for someone who isn't even aware that this is the _second_ show set in this universe it definitely would work better to have them set up as invincible from the start. But because Hazbin Hotel is not the first show to be made in this universe, it does make a little more sense that how it's presented would have to fall in line with what's already been revealed in the first show, even if that first show isn't on Prime like Hazbin Hotel (it's on RU-vid). Which brings up an interesting question--if seeing the first show isn't a prerequisite for understanding the second, how much should the second show cater to those who have viewed the first, versus those who have not, especially when catering to one makes things makes less sense to the other? Which group of viewers is more important to how the story is presented?

The main problem of the show is that you need to know out of the show stuff.

If Viv was a baker, she would be trying to bake 10 cakes in 5 minutes instead of focusing on one or two and having them turn out right.

6:46 Well, most shows also get more than "mere 8 episodes and we make no promises we'll greenlit second season" As I understand, all the problems with the pacing were due to fear that 8 episodes is all they're ever going to get. So, basically, again, producers and executives ruin everything for everyone.

About sir pentious. Iirc, he was originally just a one off for the pilot that, because of positive fan reception, got kept for the main series. I'd assume that's why the issues with him happened, that scenes (like the one in heaven) were planned for when Angel was the only sinner trying to be redeemed got undercut but because they added a new character, they used up even more of their limited screen time fleshing out him. I love the boy but I honestly wish he wasn't added, or atleast not in season 1 with its episodes (it atleast if he's there make him the one Charlie mentions!). I'm sure they have a plan now that he's here, but I feel like if they didn't add him we would have avoided alot of issues 😔

As a fan of this show here a few things I’d like to mention: ‘Demon’ is the term for the sinners, people who were born on earth, hellborn, imps, a species of hellborn, and hellhounds. (Shown in helluva boss) Also I’m still confused about them getting killed in hell, there so far is no explanation on this. Angel was told be the first sinner at the Hazbin hotel, because of free rent like you said, so yeah, extra viewing like you said. Here’s some of my pet peeves: Carmilla said ‘they were surrounded by angles’ but surely if she killed one the surrounding angles would say something? It’s not like she killed multiple otherwise I think that would’ve been more prominent. Also, the dead Angel is just out in the open? Wouldn’t someone notice that? Rosie is a cannibal, sure, but those are a species of hellborn, cannibals, sure Rosie could just be a well respected cannibal, but she goes to an overlords meeting? Overlords have to be sinners. Then, the child that Vaggie lets go seems to be a Cannibal, but those aren’t sinners? The kid shouldn’t have been a target in the first place. Also why do angels seem so weak? Lute just causally pulls out Vaggie’s wings… and she also regrows them, with no explanation… But I do want to say that I do mostly agree with your pints and I can definitely see where you’re coming from!

As a writer myself, It's so interesting learning how other people use narrative structure, and how I can improve mine too! Plus Your cartoon avatar is so adorable! ^w^

Loser Baby and Hell’s Greatest Dad are my favorite songs too!!! Absolutely loved listening to your thoughts, critics, etc while watching this great speed draw. Love Narrative Academy so much ❤

14:07 What is required is whatever the plot takes out of their ∆$$. Adam indulges in basically the 7 deadly sins and is totally fine. He's got a massive ego (pride), he eats a lot (gluttony), he has naughty intentions with the angels (lust) and so on.

as someone who's aspiring to become a storyteller of many different mediums and LOVES media analysis i ADORE this new series!! i really hope it continues and if it does i'm super interested to see what you cover next

Wise move making this a members only (for now(?))

I would absolutely LOVE it if Narrative Academy became a thing in your channel!! I think it’s a wonderful idea, and I’m excited to see what other stories you’ll cover And oh boy, you pretty much summarized my feeling on the show pretty well with this video. I’ve been a fan of the main creator for a long time, so I absolutely love this show, but there’s LOTS of flaws in the writing. There’s plenty of potential and great ideas, but the execution is a little lackluster I also agree that any important info needs to be in the main story proper, because having to do outside research on a story feels more like a class than anything, and oh boy in Hazbin guilty of this 😅 (Looking at you old tweets and old livestreams) I could rant for longer, but I’ll stop here. I’m glad you talked about this show, and here’s to more Narrative Academy! 🥳

This is honestly a really great analysis of the series; you ended up pointing out things I never even realized and I'm excited to use these tips to help my own series I'm building.

Please make more of these! It’s so well articulated and incredibly useful!

Potentially interesting idea, the heaven reveal is the season final. Gives a little more time for genuine character development, and a decent to absolutely awesome set up and series rug pull moment. With how vague the terms and conditions of redemption are, it would make sense that the battle, and eventual war, was inevitable

Really nice start to the series. Well thought out points well presented all around. I especially appreciate that you only focus on the story telling itself and none of the surrounding drama. It's so hard to find channels offering critiques without getting side tracked by politics. Looking forward to the next installments!

I personally hate how the angels dont know what it takes to get into heaven, its an important point that the population on earth is getting bigger meaning more people are in hell overpopulating it But if theres all those people dying there HAS to be some devote christians getting into heaven, people have _been_ going into heaven and hell which means the angels HAVE to know what gets them into heaven it just doesnt make sense to me I get it would've been like this cool thing of like no one knows what gets you into heaven but that in itself is silly. EXAMPLE charlies gf gets sent to hell, why? She betrayed heaven so that must be one of the rules of getting into heaven If u wanted to criticise heaven you should maybe shift the point from "no one knows the rules" to "the rules are unforgiving and harsh" or smth like that

The way you draw is super mesmerizing, so efficient! The differing thicknesses in the lineart is so yummy