Vincent explains how a childhood of neglect and bullying led to a fear of abandonment which caused him to strive for success and form a distorted view of God, until the Holy Spirit showed him the truth about his identity and set him free. Praise God! ➡️ SUBSCRIBE bit.ly/32BkXsU
"To combat my emotions of loneliness, fear, anger, and bitterness, I unconsciously shut down my heart and spent most of my time daydreaming about being a ‘superstar’ instead. For relief, I remember I spent entire nights fantasising about being either a sports star or a successful person.
Despite being a regular churchgoer since 11 years old, there was always this deep sense or desire to be successful. This became my idol. This idol planted a lot of lies in me including, “I need to strive to earn God’s and others' approval”.
Because of punishment and fear growing up - and maybe because of a generational pattern of fear passed down the family line - I had a constant fear that God was going to punish me. The fear of being abandoned by God caused me to serve out of fear, to earn His favour.
This led to self-reliance in every aspect of my life, which ultimately made me a very self-centred person. This later resulted in relationships breaking down within my marriage, family, and friendships. It cost me my marriage, my career, and even my life at church - no matter how hard I wanted to make it work using my own will, way, and strength. One time, my self-righteousness caused a fellowship to be separated due to my arguments with the leaders and how I viewed a fellowship should behave.
All this stemmed from me developing a stronghold called an orphan spirit, which resulted from my childhood trauma of feeling abandoned, neglected, and unwanted."
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17 окт 2024
