Hearing Deaf Relationship Tips 

IMPORTANT TIP: Whenever the other partner is in a conversation (deaf or hearing), NEVER say "It's not important." Or "Nothing." When their partner asks what they're talking about. It's withholding information and excluding them, they don't feel involved and feel left out.

My girlfriend is deaf and I'm autistic. Sometimes she can't hear something and I have to look at her and tell her so she can hear, and sometimes I can't say something and she has to tell someone what I'm trying to say. We both need captions on things, and we both make weird noises sometimes. It works out really well, and I'm so lucky to have her.

"That word" you were looking for in Tip #4 is "incidental learning."

I'm so glad about the growing Deaf & Gay community. Its really nice!

I first started learning ASL because I had a crush on a completely deaf girl.

@DoubleTrouble Thank you so much. Yes that is a great tip about not saying "never mind" or "oh it's nothing". That is a horrible thing to do and you just have to imagine what it would be like if a person said that to you. You're right it would make the person feel left out. Thanks for your great tip!

I especially love this video because y'all are a gay couple. I clicked on it without thinking a thing about it, since it's normal for me because I am gay, but I like that there are some great special things about you guys and you are sharing it with the world :)

you two are wonderful :) I had lost my hearing when I was in a coma when I was a few months old. I regained my hearing but still had to go through months of signing and speech therapy to learn to communicate while I learned how to speak. Hope you two have a very happy life together

I just wanted to let y'all know what a lovely couple y'all are & that while I'm not in a hearing/Deaf relationship that these are some really awesome tips that I'll file away just in case & a few of these might come in handy if I ever have Deaf/Hard of Hearing friends.

I am not deaf, nor do i know anyone that is deaf. How i stumbled across your videos i have no idea, but there's something so beautiful and magnetic about you both, i can't stop watching. It's always fascinating to get an insight into the lives of others who live differently from myself, and how they overcome challenges i had not previously have thought of. Just wanted to say how amazing the two of you were and a real inspiration,i look forward to watching more videos and learning from you :)

Dear Jill, I am SO HAPPY to have found your channel! My name is Baylee, I am 16 years old. I have just recently started talking to this boy the same age, he is deaf. Now when I say talking.. I mean texting and snapchat unfortunately, I have not yet been face to face with him. I have always been very interested in ASL, after meeting a girl that goes to my school that is deaf. I talked to her a lot through her interpreter then I became determined to learn some ASL, so I eventually picked up on some finger spelling. I have watched lots of videos on learning ASL recently. But back to this boy, I have been to of his basketball games to watch, which is totally new to me because is so quite and so interesting and captivating to watch everyone sign to communicate. He notices that I am there and smiles and waves, then later he'll text and thank me for coming. I am just nervous to actually hang out with him because of the barrier of communication, I am a very patient and open person. I was just curious if you had any tips on like a good idea for a first date or tips on communicating. He has said he would love to help and teach me ASL along the way and I'm up for the challenge. He said he is very very good at reading lips but I don't want him to have to rely on that to understand me. I am sorry that the comment is so scatter brained, I just have so many thoughts on the matter I guess. What I am really asking for is so tips on how to make the whole thing go smooth , fun, enjoyable. I am sure it will be because I know he is just like me but without the hearing, I just don't want to make a fool of myself or make him/me feel helpless. Sorry that was long but please please write back! Thank you for listening -Baylee

I love how your friend signs slower. I'm just learning sign language and she does the signs slower which makes it easier as I am just learning

Great video! Stumbled on it by accident. You guys are great! We're never too old to learn something new. Though I've never known anyone who is hearing impaired; I'll try to keep the lessons in mind.

Deaf people can get very frustrated if they don't understand. Like for somebody don't do their job right they get mad. If close friends call each other bro and sis, my husband said they not family. My deaf husband watched some your videos and say many of your signs are different. There is many signs for a word. Sometimes he can't understand interpreter because their signs are different. He said they wrong sometimes. Sometimes he don't understand a word like soak but luckily me and his deaf friend explain the word soak to him. Some deaf have little vocabulary. He also sometimes forget a word to a sign so we look it up. I'm hearing and my husband is black deaf man who is 29 yrs older than me. We are different too 😸

i really love yalls videos. ty for all your advice/guidance. i hope yall n your kiddos are doing well

@derpyhooves If you feel you are losing your hearing then go and get it checked just to be sure. You never know. Yes it is cool to learn new languages and sign language is great! Thanks!

You two are so cute together! :)

This was so informative and fascinating! I don't know sign language, but I'd love to learn some day! Thanks for sharing!

Thank you so much. I'm preparing myself for our first date. He is a deaf person and I'm not afraid about it. I like him so much.

Enjoyed this video. Word you were looking for may be incidental environmental learning. Love your enthusiasm!

So glad you did this video! I've been fascinated by Deaf culture and ASL since I was very young, though I am hearing. I've had a great deal of experience in life, and have finally decided I'm past due to start school for sign language interpretation. I'm only in my first semester but, being disabled, I believe I have a reasonably good grasp on living in a world other than the mainstream. That said, you two made points I hadn't yet considered. Thank you so much!

great stuff, I have been in a relationship with a Deaf man for almost four years and we have had to make cultural agreements, interpreting agreements, although still noise issues.... lol. specifically the stairs, or his bed shakers that always seems to fall on the ground and wake our neighbors. He is my man though, I couldn't do without him.

first of all I want to apologys for my bad english but I really want to tell you guys that you are doing a great job!! please keep going with the videos and keep loving each other like you do, we need more love in the world.thank you💖💖💖

You guys are too cute :) I just happened upon this video by chance but it was really interesting to watch. Definitely subbing

Gotta respect ball games! Hahaha, that was funny! I loved how you talked about compromise, very important for everyone in a relationship to understand. But the movie theater thing I never knew about,. Love this video!!!

Bravo! Very good video. I've been in a relationship with my Deaf wife for almost 20 years now. She's the love of my life. All the tips you taught were behaviors we had to learn either through trial and error or common sense approach. If there's a tip I would add, it would be for the hearing partner to learn/accept/understand our 'hearing privilege' in the world, and be sensitive to how and where it comes up in your relationship. You touched on this a bit here, but I would've highlighted it more in a separate category all its own. AWTI made a fabulous video on this. I'd check him out. But number one tip I would say is try to sign to your Deaf spouse without using your voice. I understand you used your voice in this video for our benefit, which is totally fine. As hearing spouses, our goal should always be, most especially in intimate registers, to always seek the appropriate equivalents in ASL to what we wish we could say in English. Avoid sim-com as much as possible. It's hard, I know. Especially during emotional discussions. During these moments, we insist to be understood, right? And what better way than revert to our first language. Problem is, your spoken English will 'weaken' your ASL, and your spouse won't truly understand what you're feeling. Good work you're doing! Keep it up :)

(Late Deaf with a cochlear implant, Gallaudet alumni '07) Great information! I'm going to show this video to my class :) I think the word(s) you're looking for is "environmental awareness." Deaf people don't have environmental awareness-- cars going by, the radio playing (thus what instrument is being used), people talking in the background....

I think you guys are adorable!!! I love your relationship. So beautiful.

Im a hearing woman who is dating a deaf guy. We're both in our teens- I cant sign and he grew up signing. We write on a note pad back and forth, whats the best way to learn how to sign?

I really liked your video. I learnt ASL for my job back in 1984. I learnt French sign language and Israeli sign language. I was a special education teacher in back in 1984-1992. I was born in France so learnt French sign language and learnt Israeli sign language when I lived in Israel. Anyway, great video.

It may sound crazy to some people. But I swear I keep losing my hearing...slowly. what I love most about sign language is it another language people speak. What I mean is that, I go to a hearing school, and most people don't sign. So me and my friends are signing in class and learning new words. I just want to encourage people to learn sign language. Very usefully at times, especially when it a finite conversation. Great video love it

i love this video, great tips thanks. im deaf my self but oral but defo will be sharing this video and have subscribed!! Its hard for me to explain to other people on how i cope or how they should deal with deaf people, or how to deal with each other too.

I really like this video for learning sign. it helps when you have someone talking and signing at the same time because what you're saying matches the time with what you're signing. it's also nice having Jenna there with no interpretation to practice reading sign on my own. Thanks!

Wow. Thanks so much. You guys have the best stories!

I completely agree with the tip on closed captions. I'm hearing, but I've been watching things with captions for as long as I can remember. I have ADHD, and so captions help me focus on what I'm watching.

I think the "word" or concept you were searching for is this: Hearing people are exposed to a high-incidence learning environment. Hearing loss lowers exposure of incidental learning. Its like incidental learning vs. direct learning. Great post, great insights!

Thank you so much for this video! These tips are refreshing and supportive of my marriage with my husband (who is deaf) and I am hearing. I didn't even realize this video existed until today and it's from 2 years ago. Thank you again for sharing your experience and knowledge with us. Take care ladies. xo.

Something that my girlfriend and i have come to compermise on is; when we are in two different rooms and she used to yell for me. I had to get up and go find her because i could not yell back.

Can I just say, how amazing you are? I'm from UK and Deaf. It is so nice to see a girl whom is hearing is willing to learn to sign in order to communicate. Keep it up! *subscribed*

Hey Jill and Jenna, I'm Connie and I found you through Annie Elainey. I think that you really brought honest and straight to the point points that have really opened my mind. Thank you for sharing your personal stories I learned so much from this video. Talk soon, xo-c

It's crazy how fast y'all sign. I've been learning how to sign the past two months and I'm sitting here with my mouth open like....oh my goodness. It's amazing!

You guys are just lovely. What a beautiful and respectful couple,

I'm gay as well and just ment another Man last night. he's deaf and I can hear. I really like him and don't know anything about deaf people. thus was helpful. thank you

I have a question so I'm profoundly deaf and sometime I can't understand and my parents tell me to tell that person to say it again and I don't want to go that way I just want to be deaf just get me frustrating, so what should I do?

hei:) Just found your channel and i really like your tips! my best friend Mia is deaf, i am hearing and we are living together since 2 1/2 years. When we met each other the first time (now 3 1/2 years ago), we understood immediately, that we really really wnat to have a close relationship. But our first problem was, having a conversation without too many missunderstandings. So first we wrote many letters and i startet to learn the german sign language. Now we have our own way of talking. A bit of sign language, a bit of talking and a lot of understanding without language. But of course there are so many thing that let us missunderstand each other and we are working very hard to find solutions. So in this process your tips are very useful-even if i did not understand everything you said and singed. Thanks a lot! Lena

Great video! I've been in a hearing/deaf relationship for a while now and I can relate to everything you guys said - thing is, my knowledge of sign language is very limited, being the hearing person, but I'm working on it (his ability to read lips most of the time doesn't help much though heh!!) ! Another issue is my partner's poor vocabulary. He didn't have proper education as a child and his expression skills are somewhat low. It's frustrating at times, because I don't know how I can help him advance in that field, and I'm not sure if he wants to either. It's a sensitive subject to bring up and I don't want to insult him. Anyway, thanks for making this video!

I'm brand new to your channel and started from the beginning. You guys are adorable. I think the phrase you were looking for is Cultural Osmosis. Those things we pick up from the environment without direct interaction with the media. I've never played a trombone but I know what one is, or a quote you know from a movie you've never seen and so on.

Do you ever go to the movies to see movies in another language where the subtitles are in English?

I'm honestly so interested in pursuing a career that involves some form of sign language, most likely ASL. I've started self teaching myself until I get the chance to interact with the right resources needed to fully learn the language. But watching videos like these really help me to connect with the language on a whole new level, one that I would not be able to achieve without the help of you guys! So thank you for these very helpful videos.

Thanks so much for sharing!

Thank you Jenna.

I just got into a relationship tonight with a deaf guy and I'm trying to learn do's and donts and I'm also learning asl

Tip 4: Whatever Deaf/ hearing are not exposed to and interested in - like I don’t know about Certain things- because I wasn’t exposed to them or they don’t apply to me. I follow you guys on insta- baby is so cute!!! I’ve been watching you guys since I was in terp school. Goal: one of my old ASL tutors told me recently - your signing has improved! It meant a lot to me!

I think the text you're looking for around 6:20 is “incidental learning". That's why deaf people often don't know things hearing people pick up by hearing what's going on around them. It's also why prelingually deaf people tend to struggle to learn spoken languages. Adults may intentionally teach children certain words such as colors, animals, body parts etc...but kids learn far more by hearing people using language around them. For prelingually deaf children, this process can not happen naturally and learning spoken language requires great effort and intentionality.

For those who are learning sign language but can't fully understand it yet, to understand what jenna is saying turn on closed captions so your hear and seeing (dont know if thats the correct term) both sides of the convocation

Wow, I just watch your video for the first time. I,m deaf/hard of hearing myself . I also talk well with hearing people but having sometime troubling understand what they saying. Listen to your saying with sign language is so clear to me . Wish I had woman alike you to be my love life . You speak so clearly and caring for others.

Can you speak about hard of hearing people I am deafineft ear and hard-of-hearing in the other I do know ASL had to learn I lost my hearing in the 90s so I learn ASL but I can speak sometimes I can't understand people when they speak to me thank you

Do you guys think some of the struggles growing up Deaf and growing up part of the LGBT+ community are similar? Love you guys by the way! :)

How do you watch movies with Jenna on Netflix ? Like how do you get captions on Netflix?

We're did she get the Liverpool food boll tishirt for do they live in the UK

@Christina Martinez I would say that, that is a loaded question lol. There are so many things to think about when starting the beginning of your interpretation journey. I would say just keep an open mind and try to absorb as much as you can. Be involved and that will help you to excel at a faster pace than what you thought. Make sure you don't dwell on every little thing. Learn the overall concepts and its not only about your skills but your mind too. Make sure you are a good interpreter as a person, meaning your attitude and your heart. I wish you all the luck and can't wait to hear how you progress! :)

I am in a Deaf and Hearing relationship. I Know i LOVED watching this video! I agree completely with you and all the tips you gave! I know with the captioning situation, there was something that my partner, Aaron, surprised me completely with. We rented a movie through Redbox a few years ago. It happened to not be closed captioned and i didnt know how we failed to see that on the movie description. ANyway, I was disappointed about the movie but i suggested that we could find osmething else to do. He said to me, "No, lets watch it. We can turn off the sound (basically muting) and we both will be clueless about what is happening." I was floored when he said that. WE did watch the movie without captions or sound. I was wondering if you have ever done that?

Glad I found this channel!

I was growing up with a hard of hearing parent and it's similar with the deaf and it's also hard for the child or children

Awesome! Just found you guys. Taking classes later next month.

Hi! I'm a brand new subscriber to your channel watching from London UK. 🇬🇧 👂 Liverpool soccer fan. Interesting. I'm not a soccer fan by the way. So how long have you been a Liverpool soccer fan ?

How and when did you first learn asl? Im trying but I dont know anyone who is deaf or hard of hearing so im getting discouraged even though I try to at least review what i have learned a lot or i try to picture what signs I would use when people are saying different things

Just found your channel. Great video! Thanks.

I'm hard of hearing and in a relationship with a hearing woman. It's fun and we've been together for almost 3 years, but I wanted to add that we live with another hard of hearing / hearing couple. And one tip I would add, even for "old hands" at this kind of relationship is to alway check in with the D/deaf or HoH person to see if they can understand a conversation that is happening or important information that is going on. Often someone will interpret for me, but forget my friend who is also very HoH, simply because he often hears more than I do. Kind of like your tip about choosing when to interpret / not interpret, check in on what folks may or may not want to know or important peripheral conversations that may be interesting or important to them. :) Cheers! And great videos!

hey im wondering do you have any good videos or sites to learn asl? I started learning some words through songs by thedailysign on youtube but i really want to start learning it properly but there is no classes for it near me :'( you guys are so cute as well 😍

Just found ya'll and really enjoyed watching especially with Jenna. I'm hearing and my partner was severely HOH but considered herself deaf. Our relationship of three years ended 2 months ago but not anything related to this subject. Since the break up I have been trying to seek out ways to stay in tuned with Deaf culture and signing. I really miss signing everyday. It was a breath of fresh air to watch Jenna sign. Like you were talking about a hearing person craving to speak sometimes after not talking for a while same has been for me but now I'm feeling craving to sign and see signing. Do you have any suggestions how I could make some new deaf friends?

How do you handle different ways of signing the same thing? Is she more 'right' and you default to her version, do you both stay different, or who compromises?

Does the Deaf woman sign mainly in Signed Exact English?

Hi,there! When you talked about open captions, it was a bit curious for me because I live on a border so quite often, there is an option of Subs or my own language. It is not hard to watch a movie with a deaf friend, because I understand the foreing language as they enjoy the subs. Its quite awesome because sometimes they catch something I dont or I catch something they dont. Salut!

Thank you so much for this video! Would be wonderful to have some advice for dating tho.

Awesome video! I think I'm more of the hearing perspective, since I am only deaf in my right ear and have pretty much full hearing in my right (born this way). I don't know ASL and I grew up an a hearing/oral household.

Hi I'm in a friendship relationship with my deaf friend he's very sweet and kind but I don't really know how to tell him how I feel..

Could you tel me what the name sign for Madison

This was SO informative! I'm gay, but was actually just looking for any hearing/deaf relationship YT videos and was delighted I found this! Plus, you two are adorable! Best wishes to you in the future and I'd LOVE to see you BOTH in more videos! It's very important for equal representation!!!

So did you ever figure out the word for catching little tidbits of information? Selective hearing came to my mind when I heard you describe it. Or maybe just subconscious eavesdropping. I don't know! Great video! Lots of good advice, love you both!

I love watching you both signing. My problem is, although i have been building my signing vocabulary, so much of the conversation incorporates sign i do not know yet. Is it possible for you both, as a learning tool for us, to show the signs you will utilize in the conversation? You probably can’t or don’t want to, but i miss a lot of wonderful signs and can’t ask what the word is. Can you figure out some kind of vocabulary intro

I've just come across yalls videos, and I'm loving every minute of it! I've been dating my girlfriend for eight months now, almost 9, and she is deaf. I've learned that my most useful tip, is finding the best way for you to to communicate. Because she is nearly completely deaf, and went to a deaf school she didn't particularly learn English. And so texting in street English is not a good option to communicate for us. We had to learn ways like, 10 second Snapchat videos. Or Skype dates, we couldn't just text each other and assumed the other is going to understand. Because, ASL is not English and English is not ASL. Also the concepts in ASL, written down word for word in English might not make sense. My biggest tip is just finding the best way for you to to communicate.

Me having hard times hearing a lot me and my friends are learning sign language and now during private conversations we always use sign language and my friends sign to me in class to help me out because we have a system where if i look at them i need help or i just want to make a weird face

Hello, I am hearing and actually do not know any deaf people. But I really enjoy learning more about the deaf community and love watching your videos :D

I absolutely love this

Subtitles pliz ...wanna knw & understand the conversation exchange ..... thank you for the video

great wow i watch on both relationship clap hand ,,, im still lesb. and single. my partner passed away two years ago . im full asl and deaf my family.too nice met you let me any time

Beautiful relationship u both have !

Wow! This video helps a LOT! Im deaf/gay, and I'm looking for the relationship and I'm THIS close to make it happen so therefore i was looking for the tips to make it work! Thank you, Im sharing this video cos lot of people should realize that hearing and deaf people can make relationships work with your tips! :) Subscribed, looking forward to watch your other videos!

Could someone please translate/interpret (not sure how youre supposed to call it) what the lady in red (on the right) is saying from 3.16 onward? I don't know sign language but I would like to know what she says! I read through comments but couldn't find it anywhere.

I like that you say to accept the culture of each other. My husband is Hard of Hearing and seems to associate more with Hearing Culture. I grew up Deaf in a Deaf household, so didn't get much exposure to that. I know lots of websites for learn Deaf Culture. Are there good sites for Deaf to learn Hearing Culture too? I have to honest say that I never really understood Hearing World too much. Thanks! ♡

I just started my college degree in ASL interpretation any tip??? I would love any advice!!

It's really easy to be Dutch when it comes to the closed captioning thing. 9 out of 10 times there will be subtitles or closed captioning for the hearing impaired and if the movie is in English there is always subtitles.

6:20 you are talking about auditory information,

Were you already an interpreter by the time you two met? If not, What was it like starting out and not knowing much, if any, ASL? Love your videos, I'm living in Western New York and I'm trying to figure out the best route to become an interpreter myself but it seems like its been one dead end after another. I've heard RIT is a great school to get into however I've also heard that its similar to being like the Harvard or Yale of ASL and near impossible to get into. I know its off topic but any advice you can offer there would be much appreciated. Take care!

I'm a hearing person and I am writing about a deaf/hearing relationship in my book, so this video was really interesting to watch. My deaf character has severe hearing loss, so I think it's similar to Jenna's? I also have a friend who's deaf on one ear (forgive me, I forgot what the exact name of her condition is) and she helped me out with the categories of hearing loss and Deaf terms. Great tips!

I grew up deaf in my left ear...jenna i love music as well it has been at the core of my life...but because of an abusive ex my hearing in my right ear is going courtesy of a frozen one lb roll of hamburger...pls dm me i need tips my hearing is going fast and i am terrified .

can you convey all meaning like we speak?

I really liked ur video, was wondering if there's a big age diff between the 2 of u ?

Re: Tip #4 - Is the word you're looking for, "Incidental Learning/Hearing?" Good video!