My mom is not willing to change. She expects everyone to do as she wishes, can't see her own mistakes, manipulative with our feelings, constantly feels sorry for herself,.. it's awful Edit: I think she might have BPD, which is a part of the reason she acts this way. She's suffering herself from her emotional turmoil and making us suffer along too.
OMG we have the same problem.. plus my mom always rant about her problems on me, then if I try to suggest things that could help her, she would immediately dismiss it and make excuses on how it's not possible... then keep ranting even more. IT'S SO EMOTIONALLY DRAINING 😩
Hello there! I’m so sore to hear that you are having such a hard time. Have you ever looked into narcissistic parents. Maybe that helps you figure out how to treat your mother. I wish you will find your way to peace and self love and self acceptance. I’m still working on those myself.
Hi Samina! I have looked into that and, from a test someone provided, I concluded that her behaviour is largely due to insecurity, with some tendency towards narcissism but not fully the narcissistic personality disorder. I am trying reduced contact but it is very disappointing to my other family members, who prefer to let her get away with things so that we can continue as normal and still be a family.
Same! My mom is so dismissive of me. She flips into the story that she's the victim. Whenever I say something objectively she feels like I'm attacking her. Her insecurities are hers not mine.
Emma Tessier mine also and I’m tired of feeling depressed! Today on thanksgiving 2019 I had to disown my parents! They have never did anything for me in life and I’m tired of wanting that relationship 😭😭😢
sidney s Some, but certainly not all. There are great parents (still no ones perfect), there are parents who mean well and want good for you, but still screw shit up. Although there are also horrible, selfish, intentionally abusive parents as well, and all the in betweens. I think Kati was maybe just trying to be more optimistic perhaps. To boot, she had a decent childhood from the little I know, so that may cloud her perception a bit. I'm not attacking Kati here at all though, she's awesome.
I tried talking to my mom about my emotions and the things I don't like etc . But my mom won't listen and she ignores me when I talk to her . And i try to get her attention I repeat it a lot times until I get an answer, but most of the time I just give up and walk away . She also brings me down and says a lot of bad stuff to me (she emotional abuse me) And she blame things on me even if I didn't do anything . When I cry she thinks I'm crazy. And she thinks my phobia is fake and unreal. She treats me different from my brothers(I'm the middle child) and she makes me feel like my opinion isn't worth anything. It got so bad to the point where she makes me feel like I shouldn't exist . I'm 17 and I can hardly go outside , she doesn't let me get a job etc. I don't know what to do because everything she tells me hurt and I just act like it doesn't hurt , and I just cry where no one sees me .
Try to write a letter to her to explain one more time in detail why it makes you so upset. If you feel uncomfortable being there while she reads it, go for a long walk or stay over at a friend's house (that is if you still live with her) then if things do not improve, you may have to try to accept it, forgive and move on. It's up tp her if she wants to change and you can have a little relief in knowing you did what you could by getting it off your chest.
Bell Rose If you get to the point where you are thinking of self harm or Suicide, run away! I know this sounds drastic but it’s better than you being dead. I ran away at 15 (from my mum) and it was the best thing I ever did. It literally saved my life. There are people out there that will help you. My psychologist tells me to keep asking for help in life until you get what you need. I’m 40 now and I have two amazing step children and three of my own. And I NEVER treat them the way I was treated. Take care x
This is super inspiring, I wouldn't mind hearing more about that tbh, although I absolutely don't know you and only accidentally came across this comment via the comment section
Bell Rose I feel the same way I can't get my mom to listen to me on anything she just blows me off like i don't matter or she just makes exuses no matter what it is
Doesn't matter if they're "doing the best they can" at the act of parenting. That comes second to simply loving the child. A loving parent acts in a way that cares for the child's wellbeing in all aspects (physically, mentally, etc). There are definitely parents who do not love their child.
@@abyss1996 agreed. I think they love us the best way they know how. I was able to forgive mine but looking at THEIR childhood and it explained a lot. Some people are just not capable of loving you the way you need to be loved. Once I realized that with my parents it was easier to forgive them when the acted stupidly. Distance is the best way to handle them because some people CANNOT change.
Hi Kati- Can you talk a little bit about parents that DO try to be malicious? Like Narcissitic parents? I find some people have a hard time understanding what kids of parents with NPD go through (even after going no contact) because they can't relate to having their parent actually TRYING to hurt them. Even a few therapists I've seen seem to want to push for "reconciliation" and still being in contact "because they're your parent". I think it'd be great if you could help spread awareness of this topic. Constantly trying to educate people can be lonely and I think it could help other kids of NPD parents see they're not alone.
Yeah I feel you. It’s hard to make a family of friends and be independent at the same time for children of a narcissistic parent. Because the parenting did not provide me with the emotional tools to bond with others. My other parent is codependent on my narcissistic mom. So I’ve pretty much left them alone and made a life for myself. It can get lonely. But so much better than being emotionally abused by my mom.
Trust me there’s no therapy to mend those relationships. And therapists usually don’t support your decision to sever the relationship which is not right in my mind. It leaves you in constant pain.
True i'm still suffering from all the emotional abuse i get from mom i feel like going insane i don't truse anything or anyone anymore not even my memory or emotions :( sadly i can't get out i leave in that kind of society where parents are worshiped and never wrong i'm sure even the terapist would be against me !
My dad is my biggest trigger and my parents are divorced, so I simply avoid seeing or talking to him. It has been about 6 years now since I talked to him. He is one of the main reasons of my major depression.
I'm sorry to hear he treated you like that. No one should have to deal with that. Good for you for cutting contact. The older you get the more you realize you nothing to no one
My dad married the woman he cheated on my mom with and they both hit me. He acts like everything is okay now just because I livr with him because rent is over 1500 in most of california
I get so frustrated because my parents don't believe me when I say I have panic attacks and I get so anxious with the only idea of talking to them about my possible depression... The worst part is that my mom is a psycologist and my dad a physician...
It is a recurring joke physicians in the family don't believe the symptoms of family members, but it is certainly dangerous. Try to find a counselor you can confide in. Best wishes.
I tried going zero contact with my family and I lasted a year and it nearly killed me literally. They do not respect ANY boundaries I try lay doesn't work. The day off my grandmother's death she used it as an excuse to blast the shit through me about my own parenting ( of which she knows nothing!) And then hung up on me. I'm so sick of her dramatic, narcissistic drama. It never ends. It's exhausting. I just want a quiet NORMAL bloody life. I don't understand why that is so much to ask for! And why is it our generation apparently can't get ANY respect from our own damn parents????
Rachel Dahlia easier said than done, but you gotta go NC as soon as you can again. Then find someone who can support you through this! If you feel yourself caving in to allowing your bio family in your life again, go to your support person! Maybe find a support group even if there are any near you. Try CoDA (they are welcoming to any people coming from any toxic family environment not just alcoholic). Keeping these people in your life, these so called ‘family members’, is harming you more than helping you. There are other people out there in which you can find a family in. Your child(ren) will thank you for it too.
I feel this so hard! I think about how wonderful my grandparents were/are (wonderful grandad still alive) and how much they respected my parents, but my own are so incredibly disrespectful, abusive, chaotic, demanding, my mother is an alcoholic and compulsive liar (she's been messaging me saying she's dying on liver disease now she's saying she's pregnant????) just like unbelievable to deal with whilst I'm struggling saving everything working so hard still not able to afford a home, find a partner etc trying to establish a good and NORMAL life!! That's all I want too :(
I understand... I'm in the same dynamic❤ I wish I could say more.. I'm just speechless about this world. And if I start thinking a lot, I get urges of self harm n suicide so I better not notice their behaviour.
The problem comes when you can't tell your parents what's wrong. I'm gay and ik that they're homophobic af, which builds up a lot of resentment. I can't tell them because they'll send me straight to conversion therapy. I'm always moody and distant. Idk what to do to keep living w/ them without going insane.
I know that feeling, my dad says homophobic things all the time. When my dad finally found out he was was furious and upset and ashamed of me. I would say to first realize that you shouldn't be in such a rush to tell your parents your sexual orientation because although it's an important part of your life it's not all of who you are. And when you do tell them be prepared to create counter arguments
do you really think all parents are doing the best they can or is this just being politic? No one else in society is afforded that get-out-of-jail-free card except parents
A person can only make decisions that reflect the level of their present spiritual evolution. I used to go back and "research" the past and childhood of those who had hurt me because understanding helped me not hate them. You can do that, or you can just "forgive" like the religions say.
I feel like when they have jobs and family and kids (and money), they feel “mature” and don’t need to change. After all, they did their best ~ 🤷🏻♂️ (and idk, they say they’re too old to change).. sorry, i’ve had enough being called hysteric when i’m only showing tiny bit of emotion. I told him, “so you want to have a robot as your child”? Ugh…
I'm almost 17, so I still live at home with my parents. I told my mom two years ago about my depression, and she did absolutely nothing. About 6 months ago I told her about my struggle with an eating disorder, and at first, it seemed like she was going to be really supportive and get me help. She took me to a dietitian (who knew nothing about eds) one time, and I see a counselor twice a month. Other than that, all she does is trigger me. She acts like my eating disorder is nonexistent, and I feel so alone. She doesn't understand, and if I were to try to explain anything to her, she would probably get offended that I was being triggered, and then do nothing to change. I'm so ready to get out of my house, I don't know if I can make it another year..
Sometimes, living with your parents is not possible . Sometimes the only option you have is to move out, and move on. Cut off ties. Yes they are your parents, but they are still people at the end of the day. If they aren't trying to change. You can make people change, or get better. Sometimes separation is key.
I think you REALLY need to rethink or recreate this video....if someone is contacting you about this kind of thing and there's a potential the parents are emotionally abusive (with or without meaning to) are generally not going to be willing to change, or listen, or care about the kids negative feelings towards them, so basically everything you said in this video was a bit way too optimistic on the parents side
I think I understand what your saying!! so, someone could possibly believe that (with or with out meaning to) it's okey?? not such a big deal... Well that's terrible because it is a huge deal to be a terrible parent since it affects a child's entire life..
At some point, narcissistic parents / abusive parents do need to be cut off. Kati is very optimistic here, but some of her points are valid. Sitting down and talking with toxic parents will likely backfire very badly (prepare for them to purposely trigger you, etc). However, setting up a plan for reaching out to positive people, rearranging your schedule, planning how you will cope or distance yourself when things start to go south, distractions, setting up a place you can go - this can be the gym (for me) or if you live somewhere nice a hiking spot outside you can go meditate in, work, a mall or shopping area, a local cafe you frequent, the running track, a friend's house, etc. will all help immensely. Having such a plan is super helpful so you know you have options when needed. Establishing a routine of coping techniques, mindfulness/meditation (if this is in your plan or toolbox), exercise, healthy eating, sleep routine will all be helpful to keep you at the top of coping ability. Finally, having a plan in place to leave, move out, if it gets unbearable is another important step. Establish a plan to earn and save so moving out is a soon-to-be option, and that will help a lot. Best wishes everyone!
@@nineteenboston498 Yes! They purposefully try to trigger you. They are not making an effort to mend the situation. And they make no effort to improve as human beings.
@@nineteenboston498 what if you're back after decades of independence with your aging vulnerable but toxic parents? If I leave... it's abandoning the "duty" of care & potential neglect & exposure to elder abuse --which I've already witnessed. Damned if I do & damned if I don't.
My biggest struggle is explaining my feelings, and my relationship with my family. I know it's toxic I just can't explain what they do because they do it in a way where it'll be unnoticeable to others.
From experience people who have good relationships with their parents just can’t understand what’s it’s like to have abusive parents. She has said she talks to her mom daily and they have a good relationship so maybe that’s why she’s saying that. I had a therapist who was helping me cope with having a textbook narcissist father and she also had a narcissist father and spent a lot of our session time a Talking about her one pain to the point that it was a problem for me and I stopped seeing her. Maybe she adopted some narcissistic traits 🤷🏻♀️ Anyway therapists are not perfect
well my mom and my family tell me just suck it up have major deppression disorder for 10 years and they refuse to learn or listen to what I say they just drink more
Oh no. I guarantee you the drinking will compound your problems a thousand fold. Can you find a hobby or sport to tide you over until you can leave? Sports, even running by yourself cures a lot of ills.
My favorite therapist response: "and how does that make you feel......?" as they're writing...... And not paying attention to the fact that you just told them how you feel. So you wanna know how I feel about the way I feel?
My parents not once cared about my feelings. Especially my mom, who just acted like a victim all the time. Making me feel blamed cause she married my dad and had me. Even though that was her problem, she could do anything she wanted she stayed with him cause she wanted. I never askedto be born. And the things i cared most they made sure to take away from me. Abandoning my pets, chicks, dogs and cats. Not locking my cats so they would get lost. They made sure not to wast one cent trying to protect my cats. And my cats cared more about me than they ever did. And now they are gone. I feel so sorry for it. They let them get poisoned and did nothing to justice. Never took my cats to ver cause they just cared as for material things and wouldnt waste money about my babies. I was so weak that i could even beg anymore. I am so regret that i didn't fight for them hard enough. 😭 And then i couldn't be happy in relationships, i didn't knew what guys meanted tto be with me or not. I let guys use me cause all of the weak and depressed mind, and even got sexual assaulted and couldn't get justice cause of what my parrnts would think or what the gossip would it be, that they only care about gossip. I hate my life
I am so glad I found your channel. My dad has refused to pay for more therapy for me so this is kind of like my therapy. Thank you so much for being so kind hearted to post things like this and try to help people.
my parents are the reason I have a mental health problem. So whenever I call or visit them we get into huge fights. My mum too is very controlling and manipulating as well. I wish I could disown my parents but I care too much. It's killing me and it's so draining.
When ever i try talk my parents about triggers they get super defensive, especially my mother. She keeps telling me that I am being unfair when I tell her to try to commenting on my appearance, or other stuff my eating disorder then keeps parroting over and over again. I don't know how else to ask her to be aware that these comments trigger me without being direct, which is hard anyway because the eating disorder doesn't like being talked about in the first place. Other suggestions? (I have tried the "when you do, or say A, then it causes me to do and feel B" formula with no success.)
Sounds narcissistic. Don't talk to her except politely and superficially, but DO find someone to talk to. School counselor? Teacher? Minister? On line app?
My mom never think she's wrong simply because she's my mother but she flips it and say I think I'm never wrong. It's complicated to explain our relationship because when it's good, it's good but when it's bad it's horrible. She doesn't even have to do anything to me and my mood changes around her , it's like the damage is already done. I've tried to have conversations with her but they never work because she only listens to respond. I'm 20 years old now and I definitely think it's time for me to move out.
Based on the title of this video I hoped to gain some insight on this topic. All I heard was parents do the best they can. Really? That’s the oldest cliche in the book.
My mum gets annoyed when I don't eat its "lettuce won't make you fat" but when I do eat its "you are a bottomless pit" and she knows what was going on, however I think she thinks everything's good again.
I think my mom is slightly abusive (she laughs at my mistakes which makes me very obviously uncomfortable) and my dad told me to kill myself a few times and lectures me on how useless I am vv often. Not sure if the intentions are as good as you say :/ love your videos though
dove son I’m so sorry to hear that you’re feeling uncomfortable. I hope you can start finding ways to work on your self esteem and strengthen your positive sense of self. Praise yourself and be a compassionate parent to yourself. Don’t give up and find ways to strengthen yourself and better your life.
The first question is one I've had trouble with because I have a lot of insight into my issues and I know what the things that I need to talk about are, yet I find it incredibly difficult to physically discuss it. Things are clear in my head as I go into sessions, but then this protective wall comes down which I find really hard to fight past. Either I don't bring up the issue or I avoid giving a full response, even if I'm the one who has brought it up! It's like an automatic response that I cannot prevent, just as when people ask if I'm okay I automatically say "I'm fine". I've tried to ask recent therapists to push past that and persevere, with limited success. Obviously they aren't mind readers and I pretty much give nothing away. They shouldn't have to ask the same question five times. I've built this little prison for myself that is too perfect at keeping people out. All this means that we never deal with the deepest issues and so there is only so much progress that can be made.
Louisyed I have the SAME issue, I do hope you’re okay. Progress is possible, in baby steps. Be patient although it’s a hard time, I find it difficult too
1st question: my therapist said a similar thing to me. She told me she wants to make sure i have a stable foundation basically and family stuff comes later, she will have that in mind. I trusted her with this, last session we dove into family stuff. I'm not saying i don't get a say in what we're doing but she recommends things from her professional perspective and i trust her. i am also already feeling positive effects after a few months.
My therapist didn't guide me through dealing with the hard stuff, and he assumed that because I didn't take the initiative (I didn't even know where to begin in addressing all my trauma and mental illnesses stuff) it meant that I actually had nothing I was struggling with and no reason to be in therapy. The third time he tried to argue that maybe I didn't need therapy (after half a year of seeing him and realising that he was kinda trash anyway) I just totally lied and said everything was fine to get out of having to see him ever again. New therapist appointment tomorrow, this person says they're trained in trauma stuff so they ought to be better :P
I’m currently stuck at my mom’s house and it’s so hard. I feel myself falling deeper and deeper into a depression slump. I don’t have the money to go anywhere else, but I’m literally at the point where I’m about to take off hitch-hiking and be homeless because that’s better than this.
This is actually so true for me and this is partly why I dont want help. I told my mom I cut and I was like its because of all the pressure in life and I used "u guys" and she said "u were the one that had it easy" and all this other stuff and what not. But now she doesnt show me any love and just asks me how my leg is and if I still cut and I tell her I dont but inside im saying what the actual fxck, you dont even care enough about me that thats all u can say to me is about me cutting? And how mean u are to me every single day? I honestly want new parents so that I could get a therapist
sam447 When I finally mustered up some courage to tell my mom I cut myself because I believed I should never keep anything like that to myself all she did was yell angrily, insult me and hit me multiple times on the head. And then because she’s a religious person she put on qu’ran, AS IF THAT MAKES ANY SENSE (sorry I strongly believe in science)
I think you have to realize that she is a person to. You don’t know what she’s going through. I have been on both sides of this kind of thing. I get to thinking about my moms actions and think wtf mom,! Yet my moms probably won’t be around much longer and it breaks me. I worked so hard toNOT be my mom and and be open with my daughter , yet she’s doing this thing where everything’s drama. She cut herself to impress a clique of “emo kids” she even told someone that but then she felt sucked in after. I can’t say anything to her or she explodes and rages. If I said how is your leg? She’d be furious. It’s great you want a therapist,I’m wondering if there’s ways you could get one on your own. There are lots of options and resources even online things. Just a thought.maybe she would do therapy with you even . My family is thank god. My daughter was really against it but it’s helping all of us.edit just saw it was 3 years ago. How are you now? Hope your well and doing good.
My parents get worse over time--at first the boundaries aren't needed, but then more and more they add back the gaslighting and passive-aggressive remarks. Basically, they don't put up with different mindsets, feelings, world views, or much of anything. We get along on a practical level, but forbid that you don't want to be insulted or have things you care about be considered or respected. Assertiveness makes things worse. Trying to get diplomatic dialogue makes things worse. They can't do anything wrong, therefore any differences mean it's my wrong, even for things that have no right or wrong. I think younger me had the right idea of being a recluse instead of being a whole, equally valuable human being. On the plus side, my chronic illness I've had as an adult is to a point I can work, albeit home-based freelance work. But I do have hope that I can move away with financial independence. The last time I left was to move in with a different family member, but she turned out to be full-blown personality disorder-level narcissist--that was scary. But at least some of her traits were super obvious versions of my parents' subtle ones, so it's easier to see through my parents' manipulations.
Hey Kati, I just wanted to say thank you! A couple of days ago I got really upset/overwhelmed and in the moment remembered a story you once told about a client who put on her running shoes and RAN out of the house, to avoid self-harm. I cycled to the woods and sat there watching the water and trees and was able to calm down. :) you have a very real influence on people's lives!!
My parents have always been triggering specially because they're not informed at all about this mental health world and they seem to prefer ignorance...I'm studying abroad,alone,without relatives nor family...I've thought about talking to my mom about my issues with food, since she suspects and calls it "the problem" but then I feel like it's just so embarrassing and don't want to dissapoint her more than I already have"...my dad is passed away 2 years ago but he was very sad about my behavior and how much I isolated..I know I have to talk to my mom to express her my feelings and what's going on but It's so scary...
When I started therapy for the ptsd that I was hospitalized twice for my therapist didn’t focus on that at first until she felt I was stable enough to work on it. I am grateful though because as much as I wanted to work on it all right off the get-go I truly wasn’t stable enough and am doing really well now.
I was recently noticing how much my parents were triggering me, and it is amazing how this video pops up like as if the world is trying to help me :') love you Katie great video as usual!
My father is my biggest trigger. He is a terrible person and he refuses to change. I thought after my mom passed he would at least try. It’s actually worse he’s even more narcissistic 😢. I give up 🆙 even trying to have a relationship😢
My mother and I have always had a rocky relationship after coming to the USA 17 years ago. I’m 34 now and when my daughter was born I told her not to bring her husband around. He is very creepy and wanted nothing to do with me until I had a kid. My mother chose not to come around as well. Probably the best thing that ever happened to me. Thoughts?
I'm glad to see that I'm not alone. When I spoke up about there abuse, both of my parents went on a slandering spree, went on speaking on things that weren't true, twisting the story around so that they're the victim, then turns my entire family against me, not to mention, neighbors, friends and strangers! I've come to the conclusion that after many attempts to therapy and talking and intervention, I decided to go no contact. It sucks and I know that on top of my family being displeased due to their rumors, I will be looked down upon from many people. They're just so good at making themselves look like great parents and that they're doing their best when they actually bully me behind closed doors. no one will believe me because of their age and because they're parents smh. I honestly can't wait to break free from this narcissistic family
My biggest trigger ends up being everyone. My family and best friend, they always complain but how I feel, and they always blame me for mistakes and they never blame anyone else. They always like, you can get better and all that even if it's true gets really annoying to hear because I think I am worthless
it does seem like the parent question was being very optimistic. but I also wonder if thats because when done of us day our parents are triggering, we really mean they are actively emotionally abusive. I was annoyed by Katie's (sp?) response at first, but then I realized that it was because of the nuance that exists between the idea of them being unknowingly triggering and then actually being abusive, which mine are... oi. Thanks for your many videos Katie (sp?). You've helped me many times and that these videos are free makes them a great resource. I wish you success and happiness.
my parents are the biggest trigger I'm in care and we we fall out it gets out of hand I end up pulling my hair out loads and self harm loads I can't cope with them I just feel stuck I don't know what to do it leads me going down hill with every thing. and sometimes I get scared of my self :( helpxxx
My mother just publically posted on facebook that my dead father was a violent adulterous homosexual. I saw no evidence of either. But moreover, that man died of cancer. I can't be having that kind of douchebaggery in my life. profoundly disturbing that she'd post that with her children watching.
My dad cheated on my mom when I was 6. I'm now 31. Thanksgiving 97 my parents were fighting and my dad violently attacked my mom and later on told me she was mad at my brother for a turkey project. My mom died a few months later and my dad married the woman he cheated on my mom with. She went on to tell me I was going to kill her when I was 10.
What I actually do (as you mentioned), I make a plan. My plan is focuses on my experiences with them, like: pasive agresiveness, harsh criticism and projecting. I like observe who in my family does what, and then I prepare myself emotionally to "not react" and/or respond in a way that won't hurt me and them. I tell myself "they are free to do what they want but their attitude can't control mine". When someone tries to use shame and /or guild to get me to do things, I check with myself and remind myself that God loves me and that I love myself to. When I try to explain to any of my family members how I feel, and they don't want to listen, I ask myself if am seeking for validation or help (it's usuall validation). I also ask if this person is able to supply my need (usually not, they are hurting too so when I understand that I can try to forgive them) and last but not least- I spend time alone: reflecting and getting my thoughts together before interacting with them. Long story short: being aware of myself and my sorroundings, forgiving/letting go and reminding myfelf who I am.
I love my parents and they love me and I'm sure that they doing their best but I'm always act so different around them. I act stupid and dum i feel uncomfortable around them and i don't why. I don't know how to be myself around them. They make me feel bad. We hurt each other but I don't even know if they aware of that. I don't know. I just feel so shity that i don't have good relationship with them and i don't know how to change it. Thanks for everyone that read this. I wish you the best and i hope that you will fix your relationship with your parents or you gonna escape it. Love you ❤️
hey Kati, where do you think does this discouraging voice in our heads come from and why on earth is it way louder than the voice of encouragement? after all, we manage to do so many things, much more than what we fail to do, so why is it so loud and discouraging??
I wish you could come to my school because there are so many people in my town that just *DO NOT* understand any type of eating disorder, mental illness, anything.It just makes me so frustrated when people make comments about suicide,anorexia, etc. that are just completely ignorant.And i can't really say much about it except explain the illness to them because i don't want to get bullied if i tell them i actually suffer from the disorder and they tell me that i don't know anything about the illness, though i do(research and first hand experience) Oh it just really hurts, especially when it's a friend.We have tons and tons of anti-bullying assemblies and things.But not one about mental illness and understanding of those.I'm not in school at the moment but i'll definitely try to get a hold of you when school gets back in session!
Would love to be able to fundraise for you to come to Northern Ireland and do what you're doing to spread aware and help so many people. But we don't seem to have a community here to do that :( which is sad, and makes me feel even more alone at times. But maybe one day by some miracle you'll get to Ireland/NI. Thank you for what you are doing for each and every one of us. You're keeping me wanting to fight these mental illnesses I have. It's just tough with no support. But thank you
Regarding the 1st question, We talk about this some in Social Work. I have heard of therapists fluctuating the depth of issues periodically in session depending on what the client may be going through at the time outside of therapy. If there are a lot of outside stressors happening at the same time and therapists are aware of that, they may refrain from talking in depth about particularly difficult issues at the time unless the client expresses the desire to do so. I agree with Kati, I don't know the whole context of this question, but this may be helpful insight from my experience.
Also add that if you have parent's that have suffered childhood abuse/rape/sexual abuse/verbal abuse/ physical abuse or any type of abuse, the parent's might accidentally pass on what was done to them to their child unintentionally. Most of the time that parent is not aware of their own actions & might not know how to heal themselves unfortunately passing on abuse/trauma to their child(ren). There are many reasons why parent's are the way they are and unless you find out what happened to them in the past, you might never know. My mom accidentally did this to me but I forgave her for her actions in the past and am still self healing at the age of 26💛
I find it's more the place, my town that makes everything come back. Being at home can be hard though because there can be a loooot of pressure, people looking at how you sleep/ eat/ act again. Even if I'm doing well I still worry! You get used to it, that's all I can say
I'm 32 years old and it makes me feel bad that I still live with my mother she doesn't believe that she thinks I'm just using her and I'm being rebellious it hurts me so bad that I can't cry
I don’t think my parents are narcissistic but my mother is my biggest trigger. She talks down about my body and weight since I was young so I’d eat a binge because I wasn’t allowed to eat the food that were “bad”. I did lose a lot of weight by still eating the food I liked I was just happier and enjoyed moving more. But it was never good enough so I came back to binging again.
When I was 12 to 15 I went from 65 pounds to 80 pounds my stepmom told me my stomach jiggled and now 15 years later I eat 6 hamburgers a mcdouble and a large fry in one sitting I weigh two hundred pounds
#KatiFAQHey Hey Kati :) So I have been talking to the guidance counsellor at school for a while now and I really trusted her and told her everything. She did tell me at the beginning that if I threatened to kill myself or someone else, she'd need to report it. I did tell her about my suicidal thoughts and we'd been talking about that for a few weeks. But last week she called my parents, they came to the school (I had no idea about it) and she told us I needed to go to the emergency room... My question is, did she have the right to do that or was she supposed to tell me about it first? She over reacted because I had told her that I wasn't going to act on my thoughts and was going to wait and see at the end of the school year to do anything.
I have a strong belief in getting the TOXIC people out of my life. Unfortunately this had to include my own Mum. I left home at 15, joined the army at 20 and now I’m writing this at age 40. I have tried all of my life to have a healthy relationship with her. I tried a year after I had joined the army, then again two years after that, then again when I was pregnant with my first child and so on. Each time was further and further apart. She is 73 now and still says horrible things to me and about my brother (who is in jail). She has never (and I doubt will ever) accepted any responsibility for her abusive behaviour throughout our lives. My psychologist suspects she is a narcissist. I still love her because she is my mum but I’ve had to accept that I can’t have a relationship with her. I will tell my mum I love her and say goodbye at her funeral.
I have been suicidal like a 1000 times because of my parents and I don't know what to do expect for lying to them and running away or something. I have attempted 2 times and failed.
I think my psychologist is really good at asking the exact right questions when I'm having a hard time talking about it. I am not used to talking about anything really so sometimes I really don't know how to talk. She knows exactly what to ask and how to get me talking. And in the end I'm always glad that she does. She got a promotion though so I'm getting a new psychologist next week and in just a couple of weeks I'll be starting EMDR so I'll have to tell my story again and again and I don't know if I'll feel the same connection that makes me feel safe enough to be honest. :/
my parents do try. i have told them how i feel and they havent changed. i try to not let them bother me. i want to remind them again that some things trigger me but my parents would call me dramatic, my dad would laugh and they would probably not change. what do i do?
5:43 well no shit, it was *their choice* to be a parent and they can't go around acting like they did a us favour by giving birth to us. If you're thinking of having a child you should be completely prepared for anything, whatever comes your way. Having a child is HUGE responsibility and not just an obligation for a married couple. If you're not prepared, don't have one. It's that simple. Don't go on to ruin somebody else's life because of *your* incompetence. You have no. fucking. right.
Hey kati, I've just been weight restored after anorexia and I can't stop grazing on biscuits+chocolate through the day, I don't want to gain anymore than I am now and my dietician and therapists want me to maintain as well, can you give me any advice on how to stop with the unhealthy eating? I feel if I take 1 biscuit I can't stop and leads into a downward spiral of binge eating, any advice??
You body needs this extra calories because it is sick. Not only underweight is sick. It will be less some day. Just try to trust you're body. I know its hard
How do I prepare myself when my parents come to visit? Easy practice my smile and my winning attitude about life. A few cuts here and there,too, just to remind me that I still have control over few things.
Liz Snworb Thank you. I just feel so hopeless and scared because the voices in my head are getting stronger and the pressure of having my parents around are not helping.
Hugz hun sry I just saw this stupid electronics and I are not friends... Stay connected to the website keep talking build up that support system and make sure you find a therapist to talk too you can fight this stay strong
I ran away when I was 14 and just barely started speaking with my step mother and father after 15 plus years because I never felt welcome at home I always felt like a burden or a problem. When I left I felt better not as depressed
My parents say “we will acepcct no matter what” yet they have been emotionally abusing me for so long. They blame me for there troubles. If what I want don’t aline with there agenda all of sudden I’m a “failure”. I have a vision and dream I wanna do, I feel like they just drive me insane. I’m not willing to give them another chance, because I have my limits.
I have a question for you Kati (or anyone who happens to relate to this) I am gay and have started to come out. All of my friends and people online have been super supportive. There is one issue. My dad is super homophobic. My mom is more open to LGBT, but still hesitant. They are both very religious (as am I but have accepted myself) but they still think it's a sin and my dad told me all gay people will be destroyed. Neither of them know I am gay yet and they are making it impossible to come out because of how they view LGBT people. Do you have any advice?
I live with my grandparents and I love them deeply and I know they love me but… they get on to me for now I walk, for being distracted, for not cleaning my room, for forgetting things, for being in a bad mood, for not finishing my work, for not understanding things when they don’t thoroughly explain it, for repeating things and for worrying. Idk what’s wrong with me, I try to be normal but I guess I just have a bad personality 🤷♀️
My life is a fucking mess right now . So my parents are divorced and they hate each other . I’m getting a nose surgery and me and my dad have been seeing the doctor without my mom because I’m sick , and we need to see if my surgery needs to be delayed . So my mom got mad because apparently we “excluded her”. I didn’t understand shit about why. She literally called my doctor and screamed at him , telling him that she could find another doctor . I couldn’t believe it . I’m so fucking ashamed . I mean yesterday I went too see the guy with my dad and everything was great . And the doctor has always been so helpful. I’m going through some anxiety right now because I am supposed to see the doctor on Monday with my dad . Now I am not . My dad doesn’t know shit about this ☠️ Someone help me
My mom and step dad dad are major triggers for me. I have epilepsy along with my mental health issues and stress is my biggest trigger. My mom is an agoraphobic and my step dad is a narcissist pedophile who has verbally abused my mom and me and my bros for over 20 years. My mom makes me feel guilty for not going there any more and so does my brothers despite the tole it takes on my mental heath. I spent 20+ years trying to get her away from him and she wont go, If I stand any chance of restoring my mental health I need to keep toxic people out witch as sad as it is to say means extremely limiting my ex posher to my mom and bro's I fear. I do love my mom very much this has been very hard on me.
My mom be seeming angry and or ignored by me when I try to open up to her about my needs and want, but she POWER through and listen to me then she will give me her best advice.
How do I convince my parents to go to family therapy with me? I've had enough. I'm scared to bring it up because they would probably laugh at me and use it as an opportunity to verbally attack me and put me down. How do I approach them?
At 5:30, that sounds like what we have been learning about in the hospital: radical acceptance. That is one of the most common techniques that they want us to do. Along with distracting and self soothing.
How do you get into foster care with a botched court case? Both my parents are abusive/toxic, yet as a minor I have no legal power. Im 13, and we don't have a lot of money so emancipation isn't really an option for me; and that only legally leaves waiting until I'm 18. That's 5 more years of torture.
My mother always shouting at everyone in our family. She is 62 yo. Is it ok behaviour? We all tired of it. She yells at smallest things. Mostly domestic moments like why put X there, why didn't do Y. Today I triggered so hard and yelled at her. I feel hatred towards her and also ashamed of my behaviour. What to do?
I had binge eating disorder and I don't visit my family at the moment as they make it uncomfortable dog everywhere. I cannot face having my limited eating experience spoiled. I put it off till later. I have panic attacks travelling very weak at times. I feel sad as I want to know my parents. will avoid New years as it will be a dinner and dog going ballistic outside the door.
Similar to question 1, my therapist doesn't really challenge me much or ask many questions. I've mentioned to it to her before, because i find it easier to answer questions than just talking, but she says she wants me to be in control as i have had very coercive and intrusive therapy in the past. Not sure if i agree or not. I do see her point though.
How do I get over being yelled at at work, my boss didn’t know me, but I can see I’m way too emotional... I have a mans job, and I tried to let him know I have CPTSD, and I fear I have bpd... how do I control my emotions, I can’t stand all the ppl looking at me when I got yelled at... today was the worst, I’m a casual longshoreman for 10 years and I didn’t do that job before, then I feel guilty for being a big baby crying.... I’m triggered... and I can’t connect with ppl.... what should I do to get help?
Even though most of the time it’s not my parents actually being mean or yelling at me nowadays I think they might be one of the main triggers for my ocd. My mom drove my brother out of the house for a minor mistake that I probably would’ve made as well in a situation of no support or reasonableness from any adult in his life. Then when he tried to talk it out she literally laughed at him, called him names, and badmouthed him to almost everyone around until he called her immature at which point she told everyone he abused her. I love my mom and like to think I always will but I’m 99% sure she’s emotionally immature as she’s been acting in similar and extremely frustrating ways to me, never admitting fault, irrational anger, self victimization, etc. for years. Meanwhile my old man has dealt with it for so long (either that or he just naturally doesn’t care which is a lot scarier) he either enables or ignores the drama that directly impacts his kids. Not only that he sometimes ignores stuff that I’d think is not reasonable in any sense to ignore like my multiple mental health issues. I’m extremely grateful to have support from a lot of other places, and hope to be independent in three years. In the mean time I’m trying to decide what to do with my parents before and after that point. love your videos kati, this was pretty helpful.
@@penelopeferrer5643 ok.. U seem like a genuine intelligent critical independent thinker.. What's ur take on the historic n scientific evidence in the quran?
im having the same problem. im gay and being from the black comminity gay is wrong and evil im 30 and can no longer be disrespected i want to go semi no contact! but i just stick around for the abuse. help!
Hi Kati, I would really appreciate it if you could do a video about dealing with physical health problems alongside mental health problems. I often suffer the very physical symptoms of my anxiety / depression ( weigh changeS. Migraines. IBS etc) and have recently been diagnosed with Crohn's disease. The diet I have to go on for this has triggered my restrictive eating and the chronic pain makes me quite depressed. I am struggling to take care of my mind when my body requires so much care! Thanks for all you do -hebe
This may be kinda silly, but I have had almost a full year of I guess chronic stress and three months ago, after I let my guard down, lost my cat. My parents gave me a new one for the time being as we are still looking but she is a very hyper bread. Lately, I been finding it hard just to get out of bed. Her hyperness tends to stress me out sometimes. (Also she is VERY vocal) is there anything I can do to make things better?
Hey Kati, I have been sad and a bit depressed and I started self harming. I have been like this for a few months and I think it's getting worse. I think I need help but I don't like telling people how I feel and I am scared to tell my family. What should I do and how can I tell my family?
I really hope you were able to get the help 🙁 I’m so sorry no one responded or anything. You must’ve felt really lonely. I know this is old so I feel like you probably are better I hope so.
Hi Kati I need advice! My question is, why wont my eating disorder go away?! I was diagnosed with depression & anxiety when I was 15, the year my dad died due to terminal illness. That was the first year I was put on medication & began attending therapy. That was also the year I developed bulimia even though my whole life I've been a disordered eater. I'm 20 now & for the past 5 years had many ups & downs. I've battled with self harm, several abusive relationships & been hospitalized for a suicide attempt. Despite this I've made a lot of progress yet my eating disorder wont quit. Over the years it gets better & worse but it's still always there. I feel like I'm going to battle with it forever & just want to give up since it seems like it's going to win in the end. I'm doing everything I can (support groups, outpatient) but why can some people get rid of an E.D easier while it wont quit for others like myself? Please answer, thanks!
