This is me literally. I was with a man that literally said “I have to look at these women because you’re nothing to look at.” I was told “you’re nothing to drool over” I got a bbl, now I’m sexualized constantly. He got overly jealous, but it left me resentful towards him and myself. Why wasn’t I good enough before?
@chrrycola2717 she permanently changed how she looked to meet her partners desires. Sure she should of just dropped him. But dude chill. Imagen if all women stopped giving an fk if men found them attractive.🤣
@@laidbacksage2574 I don't even think she's doing that, it's like someone who smoked their entire lives and got cancer saying "hey, don't smoke. This can really fuck you up"
I'm glad we saw more downsides of plastic surgery besides it not being natural or reducing sensitivity. I was against plastic surgery from the get-go but didn't know it was irreversible that's new to me.
As a guy, if a man tells you he likes girls that don’t fit your description, move on. That’s vice versa for the guys too. If your not improving yourself for you and it’s just for some girl than you got internal issues to fix.Don’t ever force yourself into a box for somebody. You gotta learn how to love yourself because people will make you feel like shit if you let them
@@iwillgowiththatcat8667 When men or women get into relationships they can't just suddenly stop finding other people attractive.. It's just a natural part of biology. What's wrong with finding other people attractive? Doesn't mean you're gonna go and fuck them.
I feel like girls are constantly exposed to shit like this on the daily. The constant pressure to look nice, because everyone treats the prettier girls better. I love how real she was, many girls can learn from her.
@@onbored9627As an ugly man, you have a couple options outside of being attractive to get better treatment. You can be tall, speak well, or dress well. For women, I don’t think these things are as effective as just having a pretty face.
Does she not realize that dudes can be attracted to a type of woman yet not date them? Most dudes like big butts and STILL might end up dating somebody with a little butt just because they actually like the woman for who she is as a person. IG models are eye candy and nothing more.
And also, who says he has a type? Let's be honest, being in a relationship with someone doesn't make you asexual. You will still find others attractive, it's just that since they're not your girlfriend and they don't have what makes her special, you don't go for those people. To me, it just feels like she made a big deal about her bf liking a(in his opinion) hot chick pic on Instagram. It doesn't mean he wants to cheat, it just means he's a heterosexual human being. I'm not saying you should be ogling every person you find attractive right in front of your partner or that you should cheat, I'm just saying the fact that she did all this, not because her bf cheated( which, even in that case, she should accept that he was trash and move on), but because he liked some Instagram pics is kinda weird.
this is what I am trying to say and I am a woman! I am learning about the differences in mating strategies between men and women through reading books like the case against the sexual revolution by louise perry and the evolution of desire by david buss
Yep... Life happens you will get old, you will deal with illness. It's just life. My husband still loves me no matter how good I look. Even when I was in an accident that damaged my face, I couldn't look at myself in the mirror, he still loves me. My face has miraculously recovered, but that took over a year.
when I started looking to women as a future wife, I found myself not caring about the super model look, chubby is good, curvy is good, kind girl is perfect cause she will be a wife and a mother not a gift for people online. to my luck, looking at the world more and more I found that this is actually how relationships should be, looks fade over time and you will get bored of it. If pizza is great, eating the best pizza in the world everyday will be slickening...
@@lovetobe6118 the primary thing for loving you wasn't your look, he likes you how you are and that's great, we see people cheat on their partner when they are top notch attractive, it's cause they covered their hearts and opened their eyes.
@@bobroberts2581 the amount of pressure and stress we face every day to look like what the screen shows us is still more than enough to cause enough distress that will lead to insecurities and self-esteem issues. Us being bombarded by that shit and men validating it as well by calling it "meh it's just a fantasy", it should take a lot of maturity and life experience for women to move past that. And a lot of us don't survive . Just like that girl in the video. It's more complex than the accountability vs victimhood rhetoric.
I don't think it starts as someone seeing themselves as just a body its just how the world treats people and people adjust to survive. When that's what the majority reduces people to survival instinct kicks in creating people to conform Not everyone in lucky bless to have real people that seems them for them. Looks do matter in getting jobs being treated with respect in public. People do tend to shun those that don't meet a certain standard
Ima have to disagree with y’all on this one. If you’re in a relationship with a man, there’s no reason he should be looking at, fantasizing, or liking pictures of half naked women on Instagram. And vise versa. That’s low vibration behavior. Looking at girls in the street, different story. That’s human nature. But to be chronically on Instagram looking at and FANTASIZING about other women that’s not your girl, not right. It is not normal nor should it be acceptable.
Amen! It’s not only called respect but if he has to do that then it shows he’s not satisfied with you (generally) and shouldn’t be with you in the first place! I always say “Let me know NOW, so i can move on to the one who will love me for me”
Whilst I somewhat agree with you. If you view this as wrong, why are you with this person to begin with? Let alone trying to please him/her to look like whomever they fantasize? If you don't see the sign that you should leave them then not only are they playing you, you are playing yourself. This woman did double that by putting on irreversible weight to please a man that can't be pleased. If you see the Soviet Army flags in sight, run the other direction.
I used to be very insecure, and my girlfriend told me "If I'm with you, it's because I want to, stop questioning yourself". Hope that helps others with insecurity issues.
no matter how much surgery you get, if you were insecure before then you'll likely be insecure after. this is why its so important to work on your self-image and learn to love yourself first before deciding to do something permanent, dangerous, and expensive
Goated! To add on to that there's an amazing book written by a plastic surgeon that talks about how he after he preformed surgey on his patients and eliminated what they believed their "insecurity" was a lot would stil struggle with that insecurity, develop new ones or get more sugurey. So he studied self image and self estseem for years and deep dove into psychology to figure out how not only he could give his patients a new confidence and self esteem on the outside but also on the inside. It's one of if not the best book on self image you can read. It's called Psycho cybernetics
Yeah the only time I can understand stand plastic surgery is if it’s potential health issues (removing access skin from weight loss which can cause it’s own set of issues, or breast reduction for the ridiculous back breaking sizes) or if it’s covering horrific scars on someone who was severely burned or mauled by an animal.
This is sad. But I do find funny that she invested in a BBL rather than putting that money into therapy to sort out her insecurities. I'm glad she's come to the realisation she has now though.
I was 200lbs and never worked out when I first got with my ex. He would constantly point out skinnier girls and call them hot, even my friends and my sister. When I got super fit and lost over 70 lbs, he accused me of doing it “to find someone else”. You have to do your body mods (fake or not) FOR YOU. Its all about how YOU feel and how much you enjoy your appearance, no man or woman should hold enough weight over you to be making change your looks especially with non reversible surgeries!!!! Love yourself!
The weight was only a means of control, else he would have been with someone who was his ideal size. If it wasn't the weight, he'd neg about something else as a means of control.
My first “serious” relationship went just like that senior year of my hs from 17 to 18. Am a guy and this shit can happen to anyone honestly. One of the prettiest girls I knew (not even friends, vague acquaintances) out of the blue admitted to having a crush on me when I was a fat 17 year old social recluse. She was tall, slender, had these crazy model like features with black hair and bright blue eyes. Couldn’t believe it, I felt like a god and she was incredibly affectionate at the start. But the power dynamic between us was weird sometimes treated me poorly and I took it because I had low self esteem. My insecurities started to fester a lot. I remember we’d hang out over the summer after graduation and she’d invite some of her guy friends that were much better looking than me and they even made passes at her in front of me that she wouldn’t immediately rebuke, I was too ashamed of myself to even bring it up. Shit broke me so over that summer threw myself into the gym, lost a ton of weight, put on some muscle and had visible abs for the first time in my life and made a lot of new friends. Whole time she seemed totally uninterested my new hobby and even criticized my body “your chest is getting too big” “are you supposed to have veins there?” Etc. I remember being excited to tell her I benched 225 for the first time and she just looked up from her phone n said “is that a lot? [guy friend] can do 280”. She would swing between what seemed like was purposefully withholding attention from me, to suddenly being super affectionate and physical more than ever before. Fucked me up mentally. Then one day she called me rage crying into the phone saying stuff like “who the fuck do you think you are” “don’t fuck with me” etc etc I was totally off guard. Apparently one of her friends saw me at the gym and texted her about how different I looked and it pissed her off. After that I started realizing that everything she was doing was a deliberate effort to manipulate me or feed my insecurity. I think that she got off on having me being “beneath” her and got validation from me bending over backwards trying to please her, and getting in shape and looking better made her feel like she was losing control. Then she called me a few days later profusely crying apologizing etc, but as we talked more I noticed she would go from crying, to seductive, to anger, back to seductive, like she was cycling through emotional states to see what I would respond to. Putting on different voices. It was the creepiest fucking shit id ever been through, like the girl I thought I loved transformed into this predator trying to lure me into its den. Luckily I was able to break it off not long after that happened n blocked her on everything. Fucked me up for a long time, I felt like I wasted a year being someone’s emotional plaything. Looking back I think she might have had some sort of personality disorder. But yeah, be careful out there, if you have a partner that degrades you for working on yourself GTFO immediately!!!
So when I was in college my friend and I were both talking about what we would get done if we had the money. Sharing deep rooted insecurities and halfway through both of us realize that we didn't know what the other one was talking about. I was literally pointing at my face trying to describe it to her and she had no idea what I was trying to say. We both realized our insecurities were nonexistent and I haven't thought about surgery seriously since.
I can understand cosmetic surgery for people that seem like they really need it like burn victims or people with cleft lips, etc... but if you're considering surgery just because you feel like your nose looks weird or some shit, then I think you got deeper issues that surgery is not really gonna solve. I think everyone should be comfortable with the way they are (not including obvious self-improvement like working out, or eating right).
Respect to this women for her very real and raw honesty. These compulsions to change one’s appearance come from a lack of love, not receiving love, not loving oneself, not being able to feel or express unconditional love.
I never realized how understanding Aba is. I don’t think anyone should change themselves for someone else but the way he tries to see her pov is very nice to see. I respect the heck out of you
I was dating a narcissistic woman and the way they use Instagram is so toxic. She would use social media to manipulate me and put me down by making Instagram stories of her making new friends with random dudes who were doctors and ish like that... I get where she’s coming from a little bit. However, I got out of that relationship and the games all stopped and she begged me to stay. I’m never letting anyone manipulate me like that again. Not ever.
So glad you escaped! It a was a year before I even realizes I was being narcassitically abused. Never even knew human beings were capable of actually attempting to gaslight and psychologically damage another person.... NEVER GO BACK..NEVER
glad you escaped that.. stay safe in the streets, bro.. there's more and more of that out there.. hope you also process the impact that had on you so, you are healed (for yourself) and better moving forward.. 👊
I actually felt relief that there's a young woman who can open up and be honest about why she did. I didn't feel the same animosity I do when girls claim to do everything for themselves (that men just so happen to find attractive.) I really do wish her the best.
@@honeylushpussyyeah and it just “happens” that men like it. i’m sarcastic ofc, i’m a girl and all the OP saying is that there are things girls do for men and claim we do it all for ourselves. some things are for ourselves and some are for men, no shame in that it’s only natura
Not only for men lesbians are doing it too its that new barbie body woman are being told is attractive and sexy. My husband has a big butt and i love it so every one happens to like it.
I learned from my friend who for some reason wanted to do it, that sometimes when girls say they do it for “themselves”, they mean their self-confidence. Society has subconsciously ingrained certain ideas in our heads as “being attractive” or “being successful and of worth”. So logically, if you mímick those ideas, then you would feel they hold true for you as well whether people give you validation or not because the world has already validated it.
As a really thin girl growing up and made fun of, I did feel some pressure to look like the 2000's curvy video vixens in hip hop music videos. Tbh the only reason I didn't get plastic surgery is because I didn't have the money for it. By 21, I grew out of it and decided plastic surgery wasn't for me. I was ready to accept my bony ass. Now at 29, I'm even more glad I didn't do it. Once I hit my mid twenties, the hips and booty came outta nowhere - that second puberty is real!
I have a cousin who went through something similar. After she had her third kid in her late 30's she gained a little weight and things started moving a little bit south. I never thought it she looked that different but her husband started taking shots at her body and complaining, even going so far as to comment that he was upset she didn't look like she did when they met 20 years ago at thanksgiving dinner in front of everyone. Eventually my cousin started getting all kinds of lifts and tucks in an attempt to get her old body back but her husband still ended up leaving her for a younger woman and she feels very much the same as the girl in the video, that it wasn't worth it and there was no point to having done it. Now she's struggling with her relationships because a lot of the more decent and stable guys in their late 30's and 40's don't actually want to be with someone who's had all of that work done. As bad as I feel for her I can't help but think if you've reached a point where you feel you have to go to such extremes just to keep someone that should be a clue that there's nothing left to salvage.
That guy was a red flag. She should have never done those surgeries for that sleaze bag. Men like these have no empathy at ALL when it comes to bodies changing after pregnancy. I am not saying that the woman should have no accountability because she should not have changed herself for that shallow sleaze bag. But that sleaze bag had a bunch of red flags. He was a pig. That is all.
The man liked a photo on Instagram?? Yo, I do that for nothing. To quote Aba, "it's not that deep." Had she ever asked him what he wanted? I swear communication issues are crazy
My sister was with a guy for a long time who preferred big booty black girls. He even cheated on her with one. So she decided to get a BBL to be more attractive to him and “keep” him and in the end he left her for a big booty black girl anyway. NEVER change for someone else. Change for yourself, because at the end of the day you are accountable to yourself and only you. People can come and go, and their preferences and opinions will go with them. Save your money, save your peace of mind.
Funny thing is there’s plenty of black men that LOVE AND ADORE flat booty white women and literally talk so much shid about the big booty black women. It’s ok winning either way just gotta be happy with what god gave you!!!
My husband's always been attracted to girls who rock a heavy goth look. Not my look at all, but I'm still the one he asked to marry. He still finds that look super hot, but besides dark hair, I don't try to emulate his fantasy. Bc that's the whole point of fantasy, it's typically more appealing when it's something you don't have. once you obtain it, it's time for a new fantasy. That's why her ex is with someone completely different than what she became. It's sad af she had to learn this the hard way. **edit bc obviously it's necessary ** * * I'm more than happy to play dress up/dye my hair, bc that stuff isn't forever. but I would never get more piercings or tattoos just bc I know he likes the look.
"that's the whole point of fantasy, it's typically more appealing when it's something you don't have. once you obtain it, it's time for a new fantasy." People who obsess over things but never obtain them don't know how TRUE these words are!!
She advertised her body while saying the body modifications were no bueno. The women who were susceptible to having surgery, are still going to have surgery. The image she portrayed is sooo much more stronger than anything she had coming out of her mouth. The people are in trance at this point, and can only communicate through picture and song.
I sensed that too... she wanted to marketize herself and her body. She’s apparently proud of the results her booty waist and boobs and doesn’t sound as a person who regrets it at all.
@@myyoutube129And u seem like a dude, so surely, a woman’s body is going to come off as “showing off” to you, for you, because u can never understand what they go through, or even their perspective. I wonder whats to “show off” about, when she’s talking about something serious, a discussion that goes *against* the very male gaze audience, by also ranting about one of them, to whom you claim she “shows off” to?
I believe this is extremely important and I’m glad she shared. This obsession with the human form ‘perfected’ has gone way too far and the best way to deal is transparency and understanding that that way of thinking is in fact unhealthy. She maybe the internet definition of beautiful now but look at how she feels about herself. I’m sure she now misses her features and quirks that made her look and body unique. Imagine waking up and not recognizing who you’ve become. This is actually brave to share bc she made a mistake and admits it whilst living through the consequences of said mistake. All of us wrestle with the mistakes we’ve made so being open about it is refreshing.
Yes, if no one was willing to admit past their mistake's others are doomed to repeat why if you fail would you keep it from others that might be going through the same you can stop someone make someone else's life better
This might just be me, but I feel that some people still believe that attractiveness is based solely on physical appearance. Attractiveness is has so much more depth than just your body in my opinion.
It is, get over it. Personality only matters after the looks threshold is met for women and the provider/height/networth/potential threshold is met for men. People who can't match this threshold cope or deceive themselves.
@@throwacnt7603 Ikr? It’s so boring, for 99% of people it’s almost completely about physical attraction, the personality and deep connections come muchhhh later into these relationships you form. But as people like OP we love to attribute these very primal attractions to some mysticism and ineffable qualities like “personality” “soul” “vibe”. It couldn’t be that just like every living organism that’s ever reproduced we’re biologically HARDWIRED to see tits and go OOOOGA BOOOGA, nah it’s your chakras bro, your vibes and energy 👁👁💅💅💅
She’s lying….it’s all for attention and clout. But, she’s got what she wanted because now she’s in this popular platform being shared by these creators. Go look up her boyfriend and you’ll see exactly what I mean!
What accountability? If we like a pic on big butt girls that means we hate flat butt girls? It's called attraction...I bet lot of women have the famous bucket list with a special person and all of that.
I fully understand her. We live in a world, where a lot of people think that actions in real life have effect on a relationship, but not actions in the internet. If your partner is not accepting, that you feel insecure about them 'lusting' over instagram models or porn or whatever. Leave. In a relationship you have to find compromises and if your partner cant control their sexual desires, they are not ready for a relationship. I can talk from experience. I got lied to many times by the same partner. And he NEVER CHANGED.
Listen it's self esteem issues, we can look and still love our girl. You shouldn't be trying to change into that, like it's not really a fantasy. We are just straight, if we see an ass then we like it. That doesn't mean we need it or want it. We probably already genuinely have what we want.
Idk man cuz as girls, we dont look so we except the same thing but biology is what it is so we try to cope as much as we can and sometimes that includes becoming insecure. That's why I stay single because I know any guy is gonna look, might as well save the heartache and not have to stress about this@@lastatmullen1185
Do you ask girls to shut down their social media too if the guy asks or is that girls choice as well? Its not your guy's problem that he is a normal guy, its a you problem getting jealous over nothing real. Men like tits and ass and pretty chicks, being in a relationship or not does nothing to that. Who we love has nothing to do with which girl we think is hot, a lot of them.
This is sad. I’m glad someone is talking about this. Girls/women don’t ever compare yourself to people on social media. It’s a trend and trends change. You’re fine the way you are.
and if you do realise its your fault and dont go dragging someone else trough the mud because you acted irrationally because of insecurities. only date when you love yourself
@@myname-mz3lo she never dragged her ex, she was just talking about her ex liking some pics got to her already low self esteem. She was blaming her insecurities
It’s interesting how our perspectives change with time. I use to HATE my nose. I even saw a doctor for a surgery consultation. Needless to say I actually like my nose today. Weirdly enough, once my mental health became more stable, changed my diet, and lost some weight…my whole face seemed to change. The happier I became the easier is was to keep my weight off and my face seemed to become more symmetrical. Or maybe I’m just losing my mind and made this all up 😂 but I do think that our bodies become more “appealing” the better we feel 😁
I think there's real merit to that; being in better general health often leads to a boost in confidence, and the boost in confidence leads to a less-critical view of self. The double-positive of being both in better health and having a healthier mindset about ourselves creates something that seems to ultimately be attractive to more people.
It's crazy how different your face can be with some weight loss. I've seen dudes who had somewhat ugly faces lose weight and all of a sudden find out they're actually pretty handsome.
I think the lady said she had BPD very quickly near the beginning. Personality disorders especially of a cluster B type are extremely distablising for that person. They will do anything to avoid abandonment. So I guess in her case she changed thinking it would make him stay with her. In other cases people with this PD become extremely difficult and sabotage relationships so they can control who stays and leaves. It seems like she's quite self aware since she's advising people not to change in such a drastic way to be with someone.
This explains a lot. I had a friend that was diagnosed with BPD in high school, but even when we were in elementary school, they showed signs of BPD. They became codependent on me, and whenever I made a friend, they would would lose their mind and say that I was abandoning them. They were also obsessed with being popular and the idea of being loved by everyone. They started to push me away when they realized I had no interest in being popular. I haven't seen or talked to them for well over a decade, and I hope I never see them again.
@@rationalcynic8416 wow that sounds tough, traits like this can present in very young children although you cannot be diagnosed with a personality disorder until 18, I think before that it would be some other child conduct disorder. It very draining if you're the person they become dependent on. My ex-husband has Borderline personality traits but was diagnosed with another more serious personality disorder. From my experience with him it's actually heartbreaking watching someone destroy themselves and sabotage every relationship (including work, family and relationship with children) just due to fear of being abandoned.
Yeah, and BPD usually ends up dating someone with NPD. She did more and more while he just got bored of her. If she has a big butt he’d have liked Instagram models that were super skinny. It’s about making his partner insecure, you can’t appease a narcissist for a sustainable length of time.
@@danparish1344 I mean yeah it is possible but from what she said it sounds like she had just met him, saw he had liked these photos and her inner thoughts started the whole obsession with looking like that IG model. She hasn't revealed enough about the ex- partner to make that judgement. But possible of course
If my man likes a lot of insta models pics, and I communicated how that bothers me, and he doesn’t stop. That’s a red flag for me. Maybe not be Korn videos, but it’s still unhealthy for a person to constantly seek sexual satisfaction from strangers that is not your partner. I would leave and keep my peace.
That is simply not how men work, maybe learn about that first. You think we fantasize ourselves with random women like women do, we don't. its a impulse and a need and nothing else. There is nothing unhealthy about it its how men are. If they aren't that cause most likely, they have low sex drive or they priotise work life over love life.
I’m gonna give her props for making this video and putting it out there. It takes a lot to not only admit that you made a horrible decision and are regretting it, but also to use yourself as an example for others on what not to do. Pretty rare these days, hopefully she gets herself into therapy and gets the help she needs and isn’t getting too much hate online.
No she's a dumb adult even in the video she keeps bragging about her fake ass and tits. Trying to show because she know someone is gonna like it. Don't put your issues on camera people. Real is the deal not fake. It's a short cut no real work but her internals are probably crying. She caused it on herself. Her man didn't tell her to do that
@@TheTeehee11111that’s all that it is , a simple look at her instagram shows you as much. Self esteem is a crutch , if he’s making you feel worthless then break up with him why change who you are now men will o let see her as something to hit because of her body
Fair play for her admitting she was wrong in doing this and telling others not to make the same mistakes. Other women would do the whole "Oh you a hater! I look great and don't regret a thing!" stupidity.
In the defense of that, she certainly looks great, but clearly she regrets several things. And she clearly did it for the wrong reasons, feeding into the regret. But she looks nice!
@@ocha-time She's doing it for marketing. She is using the hell out of her body and making bank. The video serves two purposes simultaneously: 1.- Getting the video to go viral through empathy/curiosity to increase her brand awareness and sales. 2.- Dissuade competition from other women who are anxious about it and could be potential competitors.
@@ocha-time I'm not saying whether she looks good or not. When I say she was wrong, I meant she done it for the wrong reasons. Most other women would just plow on, screaming that people are just jealous. At least this woman can see what she did and admit she was wrong.
True. I think she spoke honestly about how many women who do these kind of plastic surgeries actually feel later on. And like Aba and Preach said, ps usually doesn't look good after a couple of years. Maybe unless you have enough 💸 to undergo these surgeries repeatedly. As someone who prefers natural looks and beauty, i'm glad i never became a slave to beauty standards, tho i felt tempted a lot of times.
I feel her pain and for the record, she looks amazing! It hurt so bad to discover pictures of fake af IG 20 year olds saved in my husband's phone. He's 41 and I'm 37. I've considered every surgery out there and had a couple. Emotional cheating is cheating and it's so hard regain our self-esteem again
A married man has no rights to keep such pictures in their phones. They have no rights to look at other women unless it's necessary, can't look specially when they are knaked. Men are supposed to lower their gaze down and same applies to women.
@@abdullahalmahmoud4791 they have every right, they just shouldn't do it. your rights don't get stripped away just because your in a relationship/married. this aint the medival times dude.
This is why you have to figure out who you are as a person before you date anyone, so you can grasp your personal image in your mind on who you are and feel most like yourself. You're not going to be everyone's cup of tea, but you're gonna be someone else's cup of tea.
@@altaccount3760 she was pretty self aware admitting she is mental for it and anyone else that does that is too. Also telling ppl not to do it for someone else. You need to look up the definition of self aware kid. You can be self aware and still place blame in others
@@GigaChadDuPlessis yea see my problem is she's ignorantly blaming someone else how can you be ignorant and self aware maybe you should look up what ignorant means
I, as a 40yo woman, can honestly say that I don’t remember ever feeling like I had to meet some sort of beauty standard for someone to find me attractive. I’m not the best looking person in the world but I’m ok with that, I’m confident in my personality. Unfortunately i think younger generations have grown up on social media and its sad that they think this is how life should be perceived.
That's really wonderful for you I wish many young girls and women could feel how u feel. However young people are I will admit me included are bombarded with beauty standards that are so crazy and suckes into lookinga certain way. From models, guys, and themselves. Many young people face this daily you don't have this because you are older and probably haven't experienced this much at a young age
@@arissalevett577 I feel so bad about it for young people. You all look beautiful to me! There was a trend of very skinny models in the 90s that could make our generation feel inadequate, but they were only on TV and in magazines. Most people we saw in a day looked “normal,” which included a wide range of races, sizes, and fashions. Just people with cellulite or acne or a bit of a tilt to their shoulders. Or even without visible flaws, but not airbrushed to perfection.
In my 20 years as being an adult, I have ALWAYS considered people who get plastic surgery for cosmetic reasons as extremely weak people, and I've never had the urge to date them. Imagine being so fragile that you would go under the knife in order to meet some arbitrary standard that you think society wants of you, when in reality, most guys don't even care. It's sickening.
I'm 38 and they didn't have social media to trick people's minds. I saw pretty women in music videos, which were in fewer frequency than social media. Also, it was more wholesome time, as my wife would say.
I had an ex like this. Beautiful girl with red hair. One time I said I liked brunettes and she went and dyed her hair brown. It didn't fit her face or anything. She was so pretty and I liked her just the way she was but she heard I liked brown hair and tried to change herself to fit that. Made me more conscious of what I say around women I'm dating
I also dated a woman that changed some things on herself. I told her she’s fine the way she is, but she still got the lip fillers and wanted to get a BBL. I feel that social media has gave a lot of women a distorted idea on what beauty is, especially IG.
@@cloutbakula9710 yea I've learned that women don't always want the truth, as a logical guy I thought honesty was the best policy but women don't wanna hear the actual truth if it will hurt them.
My bf did the same thing when we began going out. I’m dark hair, dark eyes Latina and he said that he likes Scandinavian girls with blonde hair and blue eyes and thinks they are hot. It made me feel awful and I still get insecure about it even though I know it’s stupid. I know he finds me attractive and loves me for who I am, but I think women just want to feel like a first choice and the man they’re in love with’s preference.
There’s a difference between fantasy and real people. Him continuing to give positive affirmations to another woman’s personal social media is micro cheating. He can look etc, but he didn’t have to go the extra step of “liking” it.
I'm a woman, and HELL NO, I wouldnt do this! I was on Instagram for a year a few years back and that shit messed with my head. Its so easy to fall into a trap of comparing yourself to others, it's toxic. Knowing it was making me insecure, I deleted it. If I was queen of the world, I would ban most, not all, social media.
The psychological price we pay for the so-called benefits of social media is HUGE..... And we still only know a fraction of the damage it's doing, because it's still in it's relative infancy.
I did the same best thing I ever did in my life I literally built and repaired my self esteem from the ground up and getting off social media was a crucial part of that process.
@PBEs I deleted my Instagram and started just looking at myself instead of a billion other people online and spent more time alone and worked on my health in all aspects
Watch how there’s folks that will say “do it for yourself and not for anyone else.” Then go around and do things like that woman did and claim they do it for themselves when in reality they did it for approval from others/someone else. Clout, attention, and validation is a heck of a thing for folks in this time.
People can get surgery done for themselves though. I honestly don't get this judgmental notion that everyone (particularly women) who gets work done is insecure and seeking validation from others.
@Saru2191 That's not what they said. They said watch how there are people that SAY do it for yourself but they actually DONT, and do it for a guy. Similar to how the woman in this video did it for a guy, except she didn't lie about it. People CAN do it for themselves. The problem are the people who DONT and push a false narrative that they DO. Those are the people his comment is singling out, not all of them.
well, they didn't say to do it. They just said not to do it because you think other people would like it. I feel like in society we are expected to be secure, so a lot of people will choose option c and go so far to push their insecurity onto other people. Also, security very much comes from the outside, and from childhood when you develop attachment styles and your culture's influence, so you can't exactly expect people to just find security within themselves, as much as just understand it and push it onto the rest of society to deal with, or just fix it.
I loved the conversation around this topic and genuine feedback from a woman who now struggles post OP as we don't talk about the fallout of plastic surgery enough. When I first met my now partner we both struggled with body image, myself on the edge of surgery for one body part, and him self conscious about his weight and balding. Now 4 years in, he is fitter than he has ever been at 40, and i'm happy with where i'm at no matter what changes happen to my body. But that's because we set the standard for each other right from the beginning. He told me he loves natural women (which I am, no make up, hair dye, i'm pretty boring lol), I told him repeatedly, no matter how he looks I will find him attractive and love him. Which we have proven to each other after a severe weight fluctuation for him going into the Navy and myself being hit by a car as a pedestrian. Point being, if they want you to change to fit their ideals move on! You deserve someone who will love the person you are not just the skin you're in. Respect and love the body you have, it's gotten you to where you are today, and every imperfection to you may be a masterpiece to someone else.
1) If anyone suggests or tells you to get cosmetic surgery. Say goodbye whether they are your girlfriend, your boyfriend, or your friend. 2) Getting a cosmetic surgery to make someone else happy doesn’t make them obligated to stay with you. 3) People take cosmetic surgery way too lightly.
I say it for getting tattoos and I’ll say it for body modification. Don’t get stuff that will PERMANENTLY alter your body to please anyone but yourself. The moment that person leaves you will regret it and wish you never went through with it in the first place.
Maybe because I don't use Tik Tok or Instagram, or maybe because my man doesn't overtly look at other women in front of me in life or online, but I feel NO pressure to look like anyone else. What I DO feel pressure to do is look like my BEST SELF. I take care of my skin, work out regularly, I weigh the same as I did in high school and after I had a baby, I put in consistent effort to return to my normal weight. I respect myself enough to do that and it's also one big way that I show love and respect for my husband. Caring for yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself and for those who love you.
This! I used to have major insecurities with exes who would actively oogle on women online. Felt like I wasn’t enough. And now I’m with someone who is so focused on his real life and not succumbed to the world of social media. He doesnt bat a lash or scroll through these hourglass women on social media because he doesn’t see it as an essential part of his day nor does his interests lie on following women who portray themselves a certain way, so it’s not even in his feed at all. It absolutely helped build my confidence and now I’m insecure no more. I felt enough for a change and love myself now. We’ve been together for many years now :) and even if he were to acknowledge someone looks good, it’s just different now. I feel more sure of myself. Back then I would have probably taken it personally and cried lol. I also use instagram but never see these IG “baddies” guys see on their feed. Simply because I don’t like or follow the content of that kind. What appears in people’s feeds are really telling about what they spend their time liking when they’re on the app. The algorithm is intended to spit out the same type of stuff.
I used to model when I was younger and so many people would tell me I had to do this, and changed that, etc. Yet, despite of having insecurities just like any human, I still never thought about changing who I was physically. I’ve always loved the way I looked, even if it wasn’t considered “mainstream” beauty. And I’m glad I never had any artificial modifications done to my body, specially to please some dude. I would have regretted it immensely!
Great and healthy mindset. I’ve always had this conscious or subconscious judgement that when I see girls who have the ‘Kylie Jenner’ look with lip injections, asses that aren’t proportional to their legs and body, etc. My brain instantly thinks ‘shallow with a handful of insecurities’. It’s a generalization but knowing just the basic amount of money and maintenance it takes to upkeep that artificial ‘Barbie’ look just snowballs into worse and worse self-esteem issues which turns into failed relationships and unhappiness. I know there’s guys who love that stuff who like to be in the limelight but it’s not even in the 10%. We just happen to see the minority because of TMZ, social media and TV.
People with no formed character or opinions will always sway towards wherever the strong winds are blowing, always to be pushed around by the interests of others.
Good, men and women should only enhance their looks by taking care of themselves with a proper grooming, a good diet and exercise. Getting surgery doesn't change any underlying insecurities and no matter how many surgeries you have it won't ever kill it. I'm 5 foot 6 and it has never gotten in the way of getting a date or relationships. There's a lot more to people than just the physical and it's more important to know the person you're dating than having a relationship with them just because they look good. Looks degrade with age but being with a person that accepts you for who you are makes for a long lasting relationship.
For someone that is upset about the surgery and hates the way she looks, she seems to flaunt it proudly on social media. Which is the opposite one does when they regret doing something. And that’s fine, just at least be honest about it and admit that it was more for herself than her boyfriend.
When Aba said, "so your saying my gf doesn't actually want me to turn into a vampire," I smiled BIG. Yes! That is a perfect way to wrap up this argument. Yes, people have fantasies of things that are way out of their reach, or down right impossible, but that doesn't mean we should cut our skin open so we can look like that near impossible standard. Wake up people!
This is a problem with our over use of fictional media, ranging from RU-vid to movies to books or whatever you’re willing to take this as Just that after watching and reading these stories of fantasy, now we want to live those stories we saw
Vampires don't exist. These other women not only exist, but men are often engaging with them, on platforms where the potential for her to engage back is there. It may be very unlikely, but it's there. It's very different to knowing for instance that your man is looking at playboy or page three girls or someone on TV. That's fantasy. It stops feeling like fantasy the minute you have the potential to open lines of communication with your fantasy. Not only that, but I don't want to be made to feel like the limp McDonald's burger he could afford to eat when really he's craving steak. I'd like to feel that he's choosing me, not that I just happen to have been what was available to him. I don't care if it's reality, maybe it is, but even if I can accept that, I still don't want to be reminded of it ten times per day. If you had a big nose that you hated, would you want someone to be sure to remind you about it throughout the day, so that you're never able to forget about it for long enough to stop feeling conscious and aware of it? I still don't agree with what this woman did, it was downright stupid, but at the same time, men who do this are doing their relationships no good at all and just refuse to accept that their actions have any effect.
@@loud6037 Yea this is why communication is of upmost importance for a relationship to be healthy and flourish. Easier said than done, I know it myself being a stubborn and prideful guy. But it is on both parties to develop the ability to have honest and open conversation about their feelings. If the other person isn’t willing to be receptive of you speaking your genuine and honest mind, then you need to have the awareness and confidence to walk away sooner than later. Thoughtfulness needs to be reciprocated. In this girl’s case, she made very significant decisions financially and physically without seeming to spend the effort in having honest conversations with her ex, but rather let her insecurities take over her. This is absolutely not normal. If she did talk to him and he wanted her to get all these operations done or else… then she should’ve walked way before. Can’t feel too sorry for anyone who is so glued to the social media fantasyland that they needed to take such drastic measures to find attain a happy and healthy relationship. It’s like an oxymoron.
@@chinqlinq89 I can't disagree with any of that. I've been there myself, and it took me a while to get up the courage to approach a discussion about it, because I was worried about being made out to be petty and insecure rather than trying to address something that was beginning to affect how I felt about the relationship I am in, but I did it, we talked about it, I told him it would mean a lot to me if he would be willing to be more discreet, that his considering my feelings would make me feel more valued and respected, he agreed and we dropped it and moved on, hopefully to a much better relationship. I don't think he fully gets it, but at least he's prepared to try and that's good enough for me. I can't imagine suffering in silence for long enough that I went to such extremes as this. Respectful communication could save a lot of people a lot of heartache. And for people to bear in mind that while it might be hurtful, it's also not entirely the man's fault. This has been so normalised by now, that I think it just doesn't always occur that it might be damaging, and they're not necessarily being malicious. Others may turn it on you and justify continuing on with it regardless of your feelings, but I am lucky, I chose well. One day it will be my turn to do something he doesn't like, I try to remember that and communicate about problems in a way that I would also appreciate from him when that day arrives. Had she approached it in a healthier manner, she might not be in this situation now...and for a man she isn't even with.
When you are a young woman, you tend to view yourself as a collection of parts and you obsess over and try to perfect each of those parts. It wasn’t until my 30’s that I started to see myself as a whole person and amazingly, a person that I really like (both inside and out).
Like Katt Williams once said "Self Esteem... it's the esteem of yourself!" Kudos to her for being accountable for what she did and letting people know the truth about all that surgery stuff and doing it for the wrong reasons which seems to be what a lot of them have done.
That was the first thing I thought of when I watched this. “THAT’S why they call it SELF ESTEEM!! It’s esteem of yo MUTHAFUCKIN’ SELF, Bitch!! How the hell can I fuck up how you feel about YOOOUUUU, simple bitch?!”
@@Treeforest347 hell yeah, that whole situation crazy, it's like I didn't feel bad for her but idk if it was me starting to feel bad at the end of if it just was me respecting the fact that she held herself accountable for what she did
@@JAYFLOPROBEATS I know what you mean. I think someone being accountable is more likely to inspire both empathy and respect. Especially when it's about exposing a vulnerability and owning it. And yea it's just crazy man, I have my own issues yet I thank my parents for teaching me how to grow and keep my own self esteem and the values to hold it high. The more I grow the more I see how precious and rare it is. Not everyone had that luck so all the more respect for people who find the path by themselves.
I love this video. As a women who is naturally small I started to feel insecure about myself. Finally starting to love myself again. It's a good feeling.
Women talk a lot about not wearing makeup for other people, but for themselves. I mean, if you think you're hot, you don't really need to do anything, right? Maybe it's an artistic thing. Otherwise, most guys would probably prefer girls that are natural and don't "need" it. You got lucky, because so many do.
Fantasies aren't reality but I think if we're being honest, if someone's fantasy was in front of them they'd probably jump on it. For instance, if that girl he was liking pictures of came up to him.. it's really a toss up at that point what he might do with that. Personally I think everyone's different and if you're with someone who is doing things that you feel disrespected by and they don't care, leave them to find a better match for yourself and a for them to find a better match for themselves.
Personally no, I could care less. Bc my girl is my fantasy. If your confident in who your with, they are your fantasy. Yeah I can think an insta thot is hot, but that doesn't mean she is fantasy. She is just some ass on the Internet. I can appreciate it and I can look, but at the end of the day. The only ass I want is probably already in front of me, my baby girl.
My boyfriend had a folder full of underage asian girls, and irl he would excitedly tell me when he seen a asain girl that was "like 4ft and 30kg😍😍". I am getting fox eye surgery to look more asain and trying to weigh as close to 39kg as possible but I'm 160 cm 😭✌🏻even though I break up with him lmao
@@deathmaxineplease dont do this. Just because your ex liked them (which is already ffed up) doesn’t mean the next one will. You can’t change your height and please don’t diet because of this. I am still recovering from my ED 1.5 years later and I regret wanting to be this skinny! Also it can be hard to “go back”. Please love yourself more . I am sure there are many others out there who will love you just the way you are ❤
This broke my heart. I appreciate her talking about it because I'm sure it's a relatable topic, for people that have gotten it done or even consider it. It shows them that other side and that it doesn't just fix your problems, it's a core issue that you have to battle through.
Yeah I'm sure she's actually in tears every month as she cashes in from her Onlyfans. Really inspirational of her to blame some guy while she profits off her body.
This has been my experience and I refuse to be with a man that says I’m not his preference. Imagine being with a guy that tells you “you would be perfect if you weren’t black!” Never again. Abeg, go where you are loved.
I feel like my Self Esteem is my responsibility. I've been teased for being skinny and I've received unwanted attention for being thick and curvy. Through it all, I liked me and that's all that mattered, that's all that will ever matter to me..... How I feel about myself.
As an ex stripper I can tell you that guys will pick the most fake perfect looking girl butnwould never date a girl that looks like that. But then there are some men that would go for the natural looking girls. Either way the natural girls were always good. Changing your whole body is usually because of what a women thinks a man wants. Not what a man actually wants. But blames the man when they end up enviable alone
It was interesting to see her distress when saying how it was irreversible and she could not take it back. She looks gorgeous, but there was distress in the way she was saying it, as if she wish she could go back. As a woman, that was very eye opening, because she seems to have the exact body type that is sought after, yet she is still unhappy with it. Personally I have never been tempted to get a BBL, but I can get down on myself for not having an hour glass figure, especially around my butt. But hearing her talk about it made me feel better about just being happy with what I have, even if it isn't currently in style.
Yeah and it had never occurred to me that if you gained weight you would continue to gain in that one area. Which i should have thought of, since I know that when you have liposuction, a negative consequence is that if you start gaining weight after, you'll start gaining more weight in the places that weren't liposuctioned, making you look odd as the gained fat isn't balanced out as it once was. (My mom has experienced this. She only had her abdomen liposuctioned, but years later when she gained weight it started going to her flanks and back like it never did before.) But this happens because the fat has to go somewhere, and you've removed so many of the fat cells in the normal areas where fat goes. So it makes sense that when they take the fat from your abdomen, flanks, inner thighs etc, and put it in your butt, it would also continue to get larger when you gain weight. All those other places were lipo'ed and don't have enough fat cells to store some there, and make the weight gained more proportioned. I'd bet most surgeons don't warn patients about this. Not to mention that BBLs have a decent mortality rate due to potential embolisms. It's really scary and I don't think worth the risk of dying.
The issue is she only sought this body because she thought he valued it OVER her. He was WITH her so enjoying a view doesn't take priority over what he has. She needed to know that before she did all that stuff. Communication instead of insecurity and assumption is key
Anyone who finds other people attractive and drool over them while being in a relationship shouldn't be taken seriously as they only just like you or take you for granted because if they truly love you they would have find you enough and perfect in each spectrum. Beauty lies in the eyes of LOVER.
@@koraiemon Yes it was. Most countries had a religion, and those religions (pretty much all of them) condemned premarital sex. It was taboo, so even if people were doing it, they most certainly were not proud of it or openly talking about it. That shame came with it the result of people forming more families, having less envy for more attractive people, and overall fostered a sense of self discipline we lack today. Wasn't until around the 60s when contraceptives became a thing that the shame started to wash away, because the responsibility of sex was greatly diminished. But before then the marriage rates were sky high (94% of men before 25 were married in the 50s) and divorce rates at the lowest since before the great depression. Contrast that to today, where sex is considered to be nothing special.. simply an act of pleasure. When in reality it use to be the driving force for men to build their lives and form families.
@@someone-ji2zb you are right in your way but I don't think it has to be a taboo also only abrahmic religion condemned it not all religions. If someone is a cheater then they will cheat even after marriage - extramarital affairs exists and in huge amount!
I have actually been with men that did this. They ALWAYSSSS looked at women that looked nothing like me. It did make me feel like crap. I would purposely follow men that looked nothing like them to give them a taste of their own medicine. I also would post more selfies too showing more skin, and the men would get angry and jealous. BUT… they were adamant on looking at other half naked women… but if it was me? They would start calling me a whore and accuse me of trying to cheat. Oh and they actually would end up cheating on me… and then blame me for invading their privacy when I found out and turn the tables on me. They would also gaslight me and call me possessive. Again.. not worth it all. Just leave the man and only go for men who have their eyes only on you. You’ll be more happy.
I think the whole controversy with liking pictures on social media is fascinating because it’s like it’s right in that gray area between actually reaching out and Sexting and just effectively looking at porn. So it’s like you can understand why some people would be kind of against it why some people would be totally against it, and why others would have no problem with it. Sometimes the little things in relationships that make each other uncomfortable aren’t big red flags but they can be communicated about. If you like to go through and like pictures of girls on Instagram, there’s not necessarily anything wrong with that but if your girl comes to you and politely communicates and expresses that it does make her uncomfortable then you have a choice to make what’s more important liking the pictures or your girlfriends feelings. Now if she treats it like you’re cheating or takes it too seriously… Of course there’s plenty of vice versa in this, but a lot of the points still remain the same.
Nah bro theres no grey area, thats stupid, people nowadays are posting overtly sexual stuff... Its beyond like bikini pictures from 06 , if your man is liking pictures off some girls ass everyday thats a problem, vice versa if your girls liking shirtless dude bro pics everyday because it's advertising and responding to said advertising at that point, people displaying themselves in a way you would only see in intimate settings and publicly consistently saying yeah, I like that and you is disrespectful to say the least , its like flirting with strangers while in a relationship that doesnt mean you cant be friendly or chat, but theres a line that if you actively cross becomes imstigation, I guess its a bit different with celebritys and people youd never meet of its like a specific crush as aposed to their body type your into , cuz yeah again your just saying I prefer this persons gratification to respecting your other .
Agreed. For me it is the type of women my partner would like or follow. I enjoy female and male beauty, but not something that is trashy and raunchy and would only date a partner who has similar standards.
@@WeAreInYourWall that’s precisely my point though because even if you do wanna say it isn’t innocent and it’s overly sexual as long as they’re not directly interacting, it’s no different than watching porn. Hell, people like and comment on porn videos, so there’s even interaction there. So you would have to justify at that point why liking the pictures would be wrong but your partner watching porn would be OK. Unless you’re entirely against them watching porn or unless you don’t care about any of it either way as long as they don’t cheat. That’s exactly why it’s in a gray area everybody’s different some people care some people don’t. Now, if the partner is uncomfortable with the boyfriend or girlfriend going through and liking the pictures, then they can voice it but that’s called proper communication, jumping to oh my God he/she like these pictures so they must want them is high school type thinking.
Being attracted to other people and having sexual feelings and thoughts about them is normal and unavoidable; liking and subscribing to real people, even when among millions of others, is an action and a choice, and it's sending a certain kind of signal.
@@huugosorsselsson4122 see but that’s still just your point of view. Some people have a I don’t care where you get your motor running as long as you park in the right garage type of mindset. Some people might consider liking pictures on Instagram cheating because it’s overtly sexual and seems more personal than general porn, but others might compare it to porn in that even if it’s supply sexual gratification so what as long as no real interaction occurs. I can understand both perspectives, hence why I say gray area.
I agree with Aba. When I see a super symmetrical and "ascetically pleasing" face or body irl, it looks weird to me and turns me off cause there's no uniqueness. I know that might sound silly and/or cliché, but there really is beauty in our flaws/imperfections as people.
That was absolutely not the guy's fault. It's completely your fault and your mental issue if you think you think you are a 10 and the guy's type should match you perfectly. It's stupid and immature. Guy didn't do anything wrong much less disloyal, she got jealous on her own and got surgery on her own. And if you think someone guys in a relationship suddenly don't find hot girls hot then you are the stupid one. Also if you think anybody believes women don't have crushes and have an idea about what a good-looking man looks like its also stupid. Also, last I checked women shouldn't delete their own insta cause the guy is asking right?
@@rickycool6083 I actually do match my husbands type perfectly, and he basically worships my body. I don’t have this problem and I think everyone who’s loyal and says they love their wife/gf should act that way. I didn’t even have to ask him to unfollow anyone, he just did it automatically. I don’t know what you’re trying to say tbh since none of it relates to me and seems to oddly specific to something you may have personally experienced???
@@rickycool6083 I am my mans type perfectly, and he practically worships my body. Another thing is, I never had to ask him to unfollow anyone when we started dating, he just did it automatically because he knew I was the one. So for anyone else who gets treated differently than I do, it’s hard to believe he really loves them. Why would a man date a woman or marry her if she wasn’t his type?? Just for sex? A woman gives her whole life and body to you and has kids and she’s not even your type?? That sounds like selfish insanity to me, and I’m very glad I don’t have that problem. Pro tip: if you want a stable love filled marriage, only date your type and don’t settle for less (also become the best version of yourself every day).
I was just having this conversation with my gf the other day, over the last year and a half I went from being overweight to straight being borderline obese. All because I was fixated on her saying "I like dad bods" so I used that to project myself into working out and eating way more than I needed to achieve that body type she said she liked. It got to a point where I couldn't fit my clothes anymore and just saying things like "I'm just 220Ibs" that's not too bad right? I'm only 5'7 so that's not too heavy, right?" not wanting to face that I completely ruined myself because of some of the stuff reflected in this video. Once I lost the weight and went down to 175, I felt a lot better. My clothes fit again, I could see certain things I didn't see for a minute again and had more energy overall. I felt happy. When I brought that up to her said "Oh dude, I didn't mean to make you feel that way. When I say stuff like that, it's not that I specifically want that." Case in point, don't change yourself for someone else or even let the assumption breach your mind because again. You could get abandoned and be exactly like this girl with irreversible effects
First of all, 220lbs at 5'7 isn't borderline obese. It is MORBIDLY(read: EXTREMELY) obese. You were killing yourself. Why blame her? Why not take responsibility for not communicating with her. Why not take responsibility for the fact that you knew, or should have know, that morbidly obese and a dad bod aren't the same thing. You let yourself go and use her words to avoid taking accountability. That's weak. None of this is her fault. Be glad she stayed with you while you were eating yourself to death. Edit: 175lbs at 5'7 is a dad bod since you're still overweight depending on if you have significant muscle mass or not.
I had an obsession with having big boobs, thinking it would help with my low self esteem & insecurities. Welp I got the surgery & I still have low self esteem & feel insecure daily because I’m constantly getting sexualized! I got a bmw thinking it would make me happier, & guess what ? I was still sad. I’m just saying happiness & security within yourself, especially as a woman is such a rare & beautiful thing. Sometimes I see woman who are not conventionally attractive & maybe don’t have much of what society deems “successful “ & their personality, confidence & security shines through & envy them (not in a bad way) I hope to get to that point one day. Where I value myself & see my worth without the approval of the outside world. Kudos for this woman’s honesty & self awareness ❤️
Well im pretty sure that non of that made you a lesser person, shallow or whatever, so it's a moneys well spent. It's weird that you still feel sad, BMW's ain't that bad 😉
My surgery experience is the opposite of hers. I had very large breasts (G/H/F cups) which I hated, and wanted to get a breast reduction. My bf at the time was against it, but he didn’t have to deal with the constant neck, shoulder & back pains I endured daily. After I ended the relationship, I got my reduction and have never felt better about my new perky DD cups. Granted, there are plenty of women who get surgery for the sole purpose of looking more desirable, but some actually do it for themselves. In my 20s I too wanted to look like this & that, but now at 38, I am much more content with my natural assets or lack there of.
"...deal with the constant neck, shoulder & back pains I endured daily." That's also a quite different reason for having surgery compared to feeling inadequate/insecure or wanting to live up to ephemeral beauty ideals. It's not like you could have "mental healthed" your way out of experiencing the physical pain so surgery was the right choice. On the other hand, if the issues someone is experiencing is caused by mental health issues (feeling insecure about our looks is typically caused by underlying feelings of anxiety or neuroses), it's quite a leap to conclude that it's something to be fixed with a scalpel.
As a big boob lover, myself, I understand him wanting you to keep them but, at the same time, some of the larger sizes really take a toll on your everyday life. You still reduced to a nice size and, as long as you are happy, then I say "That's great."
If a girlfriend of mine needed that kind of surgery i would say go ahead. Im not the one that has to endure the pain every day, matter of fact i will be suffering with her as well. Who the hell likes to see their SO in pain? Sure i enjoy them but it doesnt mean im going to risk my girlfriends health just for my satisfaction. Besides, its not going to change who she is but it will improve her health and hopefuly minimize the pain.
@@evilloki85 Thank you💓 This was precisely my logic which fell on deaf ears. I'm glad I made the decision to end the relationship because in hindsight, I realized that anyone who's willing to let their SO suffer for their own self-gratification don't deserve you. The 20 lbs of relief I now feel in my chest area still brings tears of joy to my eyes🥲DD cups are still pretty big, but manageable☺
I love how honest she is. Yeah, she’s made a mistake, but she’s very honest about it and doesn’t try to “play it cool” by saying she did this for herself, that she doesn’t regret it and that others should do it too. No, she actually helps other girls to avoid the same mistake, and I absolutely love her for that.
I tell my daughter often that she needs to learn to love herself just the way she is. It is hard for young people to try and match up to the internet examples. I try to teach her that she needs to eat healthy and exercise but not to impress others, just to be able to know she is doing what she can without turning to surgery. Pron and modeling have seriously jacked up peoples ideas about beauty and intimacy.
I do the same. I also like to pull up Kylie Jenner before/after pics and others like her to illustrate that what she’s seeing is heavy photoshop PLUS probably hundreds of thousands in plastic surgery. They need to see that it’s mostly an illusion so there’s no possible way to try to achieve the same look without surgery/photoshop and that the trends change so fast that these dangerous surgeries will fall out of fashion and be replaced soon with something else.
I definitely feel the pressure. If it wasn't for so many male youtubers talking negatively about plastic surgery, I would absolutely get a ton of surgery to look like the women my husband likes. I don't ever tell him this though because I don't blame him for liking what he likes, and I don't want to make him feel any kind of way about it. But I do wish that I could be as beautiful as them. Inside I think he would like me more if I did. But, male youtubers have helped me to understand that that most likely isn't the case. So, now I just don't use insta anymore, and I don't look in the mirror long enough to notice all my "flaws". I am not going to pretend that I don't still have insecurities, but making those changes have helped somewhat.
Women are prone to mass hysteria. FB wanted to see if they could make people depressed, so they showed a ton of depressing content, and a ton of young women all became super depressed.
You don’t think men see unachievable things on the internet daily? WE DON’T GO OUT AND DO THOSE THINGS. Why can’t women understand this also? Are you saying they are less capable of making decisions for themselves?
You’re a bit naïve to think anything is going to be done about it, you can’t close Pandora’s box once it’s open chum. Don’t worry though, with the current way things are going we’ll be lucky to see 2050-2060. Don’t have to worry about the sociological implications of the Internet when we’re all worm food. Merry Christmas.
Don't be with someone that doesn't appreciate your natural looks won't ever appreciate you. And you have to appreciate yourself in order for people to appreciate you
Agree with Preach on this one, its time that society recognize social media addiction as this plague that's upon us. I wanna see on every social media app before you log in "ATTENTION, THIS HIGHLY ADDICTIVE PRODUCT CAN LEAD TO MENTAL ILLNESS"
While I didn’t feel exactly like this, I definitely felt a lot of pressure to conform my looks to society standards in my early 20s and I’m thankful to have not had access to these surgeries back then (I think I would have at least considered it). Now that I’m older, I’ve come to love the things I was insecure about before-my full lips and cheeks, the way my nose spreads when I smile, the shape of my body to me are now markers of my lineage. The access we now have to quickly change what we think we don’t like robs us of the chance to fully consider WHY we don’t and if that insecurity is truly ours to bare
Exactly , lineage, our individualistic looks are exotic and sexy, and show where our ancestors come from. I get a lot of crap for my hook nose, but it’s a very common feature in the Balkans where I am from. There are many people throughout history who have had a hook nose and in the past nobody thought it was an abnormality; therefore, it’s clear beauty standards are relative as well as always changing. I’m glad you were able to accept your natural look.
If my dude started liking other women's pics, we'd already have a problem. But if it's because they have a bigger butt or boobs than me, first I would start liking all guy's pics I thought were attractive (even if I didn't) as long as they look like they have a massive dong 😂 and I wouldn't even hide it from him. I mean, it's only fair right? And then I'd break up with him. If you actually love someone, you DON'T lust after anyone else smh doesn't matter who it is.
@@renishika3945 He doesn't deserve mature behavior if he's acting like a horny teenager disrespecting his wife. I personally wouldn't go down the petty route. I'd just leave his sorry behind. Life is too short to deal with that disrespect.
I swear those guys saying it is so valid to lust over other women on Instagram while being in a relationship are the ones doing it. My dad says that most real mature men don’t do that. They got no time for that and they actually want a real connection. For me even if a guy is single.. if I realize he follows 18+ accounts, GOODBYE. Your comment is comforting. It shows that mature people still exist. Thank gosh
I felt slightly bad for her until I checked out her ig. Haha you can't make this shit up. As a young adult I am very afraid of what's to come in the future, loneliness is steadily rising and a dark age of unrealistic standards is going to ruin not only dating but society as a whole. Good video ANP I enjoyed
Dancing around in low cut shirts and thongs says otherwise. It appears that shes more attention seeking than regretful. All because you look like a model doesnt mean you gotta dress and live like one.
I relate somewhat... I spent $3k trying to get scars removed because an ex didn't like them. I told myself it was for me but it wasn't. It was because he recoiled in horror whenever I took my shirt off and he saw them. :X The scar removal didn't even work. I wish I'd just kept the $3k. I'm marrying a dude who loves me and my scars now. Don't ever stay with someone who makes you feel like you need to get plastic surgery to please them!!
Most youngsters nowadays don't even know what it is they want anyway. Also trends and beauty standards change all the time anyway. Just love yourself and ignore all the noise. Be respectful and kind to others and present yourself as humble even when you might not be. People like that sort of kind of stuff anyway.
I’ll sometimes come across photos of celebrities that my bf has liked, like Chloe Bailey for example, and I definitely do feel an instant pang of insecurity because she and I look nothing alike, but I get it she’s gorgeous with a great body. Even if I were in the best shape of my life I still wouldn’t have curves like her. I can understand feeling insecure for sure.
If you follow a lot of influencers on instagram then your gonna feel bad about yourself, but if you follow your family and friends and people who care about things other than their looks, then instagram will be a positive thing in your life and you won’t feel the need to change your appearance to fit what’s trendy at the moment
How many of such guys are women allowed to "just leave" before their body count is too high and they are a 304??? 🤷🏻♀️ Or should they magically know the guy is like that before dating him? And if she somehow trusts her intuition a few dates into the connection then "she is crazy and making things up in her head", and by the time she has evidence that he is awful, she is too far into the connection... If she is insecure, she is weak and will be taken advantage of, if she is confident then she is delusional... Really, society??
I think this was something communication could have solved. She took a major L and she only has herself to blame because she fed into her insecurity instead of having a conversation with her bf or even leaving him. As Aba would say... THIS IS A SICKNESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I relate to this so bad, but don't have the $ for surgery..been cheated on so many times and left for prettier girl...11 years with the same dude and had his kid....then he cheated...body image and eating disorders and body dysmorphia...this one hits me hard...Aba gets it and I appreciate that..
I’m sorry. That’s so rough. It’s not about the looks though. If you’re pretty enough to be with in the first place then the new one was just something new and an opportunity that actually presented itself. Guys often cheat with less attractive women. It’s just ease of access. I hope you figure out what it is about you that brings these losers around and find someone actually worth your time.
you could of been the most beautiful woman in the world its still likely that he would of cheated, its someones own moral fiber that usually keeps them faithful, the only time fear comes into it, is if its a situation where they could face serious punishment for cheating, yet people still cheat in places where they could get stoned to death for it. If someone cheats that's on them not you. If they are a moral person and they are unhappy they will talk to you try and work it out or leave, not cheat.
Thank you for covering this topic! It’s refreshing to see two public male figures discuss this seriously and to let women know it’s not ok to go through all these surgeries for someone else! Again, thank you!
I've wanted to get a nose job so badly. I didn't notice my nose being an issue when I was growing up, until I was in high school, a guy called me "big nose." My boyfriend (ex) called me "big nose," once I was in college, then a dude said,"You have nice big lips but that nose though." Then one of my girl friends like a year ago said,"Maybe if you fix your nose." I would ignore it and let it not get to me, but it does get to you. I never take side profile pictures because its noticeable. I had my brothers tease me about my big nose and it hurts because im the only one in the family with a big nose. I was looking at different rhinoplasty surgeons, researching on youtube, and mentally preparing myself to go under surgery in the next year or so. But then I noticed on a RU-vid video that some people have problems and they couldn't breathe or that the surgeon messed it up and they talked about something that I hadn't watched in other videos which was that it can mentally affect you because you have a new "identity." So getting used to that can make you feel bad because you have to get used to your new identity. For now, I'm not thinking about getting surgery. Idk if my idea will change, but if my partner or people can't accept me, I guess I don't need them.
I had this friend years ago, beautiful tall polish woman who lived in Montreal. She came down to Toronto for a wknd and asked if we could hang out, I said come through! When I finally saw her, she said, well I came down because I’m getting a nose job, I was like ok cool, if you like it I love it girl…then after some talking she dropped the bomb - - “I just want my boyfriend to look at me the way he looks at other girls.” I couldn’t believe it. This idea to look good for others is a real thing.
I remember of just having this conversation not too long ago about this. And the advice I gave him is be careful of liking other women pictures in front of your girl. Women take stuff like that seriously. And once it happens, that will mess with her confidence for a long time. So shout to Aba and Preach for talking about this.
I mean, I won't hold it against my boyfriend if he likes a random girl's pic while scrolling down IG for example. I think it becomes a sort of issue when he starts interacting with them, or when he ONLY follows pretty girls' profiles, and stuff like that. I mean, even I can appreciate a beautiful woman when I see one. But I think it's also important to show your significant other that they matter and you are with them because you love them. The feeling of 'not being good enough' is very valid to have when you feel like your partner's mind always wanders elsewhere if that makes sense. It shows insecurity of course, and one should work on their self-esteem but I think there is a middle ground to have.
Me, my brother, his girlfriend and my cousin had this exact conversation 3 montgs ago. It's crazy someone would actually do this to themself. I hope she continues to realize that changing yourself for someone else, unless its something that is absolutely neccessary, is never a good idea.
You guys are like the big brothers that some of society doesn't have. It's good to see. You also admit when you're wrong and leave in when you don't know a word? *angelic music insert here* Thanks for being real. I really respect you 2 and love listening to you challenge our perspectives while showing people what a healthy discussion can look like.
After enough life experience I’ve found out that no matter amazing of a person we might be, we can never be good enough for the wrong person. And we shouldn’t feel bad about that. We’re good enough for whoever we are meant for/meant for us. So if you don’t feel good enough and your partner doesn’t make you feel like you are then you’re not. And it isn’t because something is wrong with you. Y’all are just not meant for each other and that’s ok. Don’t compare yourself to IG models or make crazy ass permanent changes. Let that experience build you up and shape you into someone you would be happy or proud to be. That’s a change that’s worth it.
I give it to her for coming out and saying that it was her idea, saying that it's not healthy to get these surgeries, both physically and mentally as well. She took accountability for her actions.
@@rioku2083 yeah I'm just pointing out how weird it would be to blame someone for making something worse that already existed before that you yourself acknowledge existed before and even have the awareness to take responsibility for
I’m really happy you guys didn’t trash her completely. Even if she didn’t admit it was a mental thing, you never know if she actually knew that already and just didn’t want to admit that. It’s not an easy thing to conceptualize and you both did it nicely and didn’t bash her.
Havent read the rest of rhe xomments so not sure if other girls have said similar but i can resonate with this. The only reason i didn't have surgery is i didnt have the money and im scared of something going wrong. My fears started from being cheated on multiple times and wanting to be the "ideal" woman so my partner doesnt look elsewhere but now im in my 30s im so glad i didnt do it. Your body is yours and it is not to be played with .
My husband told me a long time ago that he didn't marry me for my looks.. sure he's always been attracted to me, but I've gained weight, lost weight, gone through phases and been both the healthiest and ugliest I've ever been... He's seen it all. Find that guy, (or be that girl).. it pays off.
I'm with a man like that we have been through a lot. It's a life partner not a boy toy. I even am not with him for his looks but for him as a whole. Sorry for my english writing.
I agree that being attracted to your partner is important but not what holds you two together. So many other things are involved in the relationship as a whole. And people can and or do change over time period. Whether it be appearance, personality, etc. You must learn to grow together instead of apart. Anything worth having is work by both partners.
