I can relate to this story. My in-law treated myself and kids exactly as this story. My kids NEVER experienced love from their grandparents. They never slept in grandma’s bed or on her lap.
I feel u. Now Remarried, I know my MIL doesn’t like me. I fear karma so I do what I can and just live day by day. My husband is a very mellow,humble guy, he has always taught me to ignore whatever they say and don’t make a small problem into a big problem.
I am the child who has never experienced my patternal grandma and grandpas love. My dad is their blood son but they hate my mom. When I was around 8 my uncle held me so my aunt and younger uncle would beat me up. The 3 of them ganged up on me and i lost my voice from crying my grandma had the audacity to laugh at me. She didn't even tell them go stop. She ignored my cries. None of my other siblings have gotten any of their love either.
Kuv raug txoj kev no ib yam, hnub no kuv twb ua ib siab tsis tig ntsia lawm os cov viv ncaus aw. Tag nrho tsev neeg ua rau yus mas tu siab tshaj plaws li nawb. Yus tus txiv los ua phem thiab mas nyob tsis tau thiab uv tsis tau mus li os.
Kuv ces Twb tau lub neej li no thiab os tus me viv ncau aws . Yus yog ib tug nyab luag tsis nyiam ces ua npaum twg los luag tsis pom thiab tsis ris txiaj li mas .
You’re not alone aunty/ sister. I was in the same boat for 10 years. Now I’m keeping my love to myself, no longer care much for the in-laws. Love yourself first and then your little family. If they want to be in your life and your kids, they will make a huge effort not excuses. And I agree I was just like you, I’ve never loved my own parents as much as I have loved the in-laws until they repeatedly hurt me. Nrog koj zoo saib, ua li koj ua tau xwb.
I can relate to this. I was in your boat too. I keep my distance from my mil. She was the same way just like this story. Learn to distance yourself from those who don't love you. Self love first. ❤
Sister. Whooo I clapped the whole time in front of my husband when I heard your story. I had to do the running man. This is the greatest story to start the new year. A great story with a good advice at the end. I can confirm and relate to you because I experience the same thing like not to that end yet but I envision already that my kids wouldn't know how to cry like yours in the end. I have come to except like you have and stay my distance. Whooo your story has given me strength and real true facts that mean and cult families do exist. I told my husband when your family ever gives me crap all I will say to them is go listen to Mab Vaj 01/01/2022 thank you. Lol love you sisters keep your gins up chest high walk like your shits dont stink and live for your kids. Greatest way to start the year with your story. I'm with you sisters on this one 1000%.
OMG!! MY LIFE IS EXACTLY LIKE YOURS SISTER. MY HUSBAND FAMILY, THE WHOLE FAMILY NEVER LIKED ME SO THEY NEVER LIKED MY KIDS. MY KIDS ALWAYS TELLS ME HOW BAD THEY'VE BEEN TREAT IT FROM INLAWS. SAD. 14 YRS IS SUCH A WASTE . SO I MOVED AWAY STAY WITH MY PARENTS. MY PARENTS LOVE MY KIDS. MY KIDS WAS HAPPY AND WAS LOVED BY MY PARENTS AND ALL MY SIBLINGS. NEVER WAITS LOVE FROM A FAMILY THAT DOESN'T APPRECIATE FROM THE LOVE WE GAVE IN. WE DON'T OWE THEM ANY THING . I AM SOO GLAD I MADE THE CHOICE TO MOVED AWAY. I AM VERY HAPPY TO HAVE MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE.
If you're too nice, you will be taken advantage of... Just do what you can! Love those that truly loves you...as for those that don't, I would careless about them!!! Live and Learn!
Grandma grandpa never loved us, when they passed away none of us cry a single tear. We love them as much as they loved us, so, if there was no love, there's no tear and regret.
Sounds like someone I know..... it's sad, but once you learn to love yourself and accept those who actually loves you, you will learn your limit line and find your true happiness....
It's not that your husband doesn't see it. It's his family doing so he don't want to say much. He's covering them. If it was your family, he will not say the same. Life is short. I am glad you love the ones that love you only. We can't expect too much from others because when things don't go our way. We will be disappointed.
I love your story and I can relate 💯!! Thank you so much for sharing and for being a voice for yourself and for all of us. Becoming a nyab was one of the biggest challenges in my life. It has taught me so many lessons and has made me the person I am today. No more expectations, no more disappointment. No more being under their control and manipulation. Your feelings matter, you matter! It’s a bitter sweet feeling that it had to be that way but this is life. We learn to appreciate and love ourselves more. Focus on that really matters in life. Love those who loves and support us. This is the best way to living your best life. People will talk no matter if you do good or bad so let them do all the talking while you do all the waking! Wishing you the very best sister! ♥️ Also Mab, you are so awesome! You will always be my favorite story teller! 💓💓💓
I believe a lot of us Hmong Nyabs can relate to this story and we’ve all learned eventually that we should love ourselves, our husband and kids before anyone else. We have to teach our daughters and younger generations that love and respect is a two way street so this stereotype will no longer exists much longer.
I went through the same 12 years ago. My ex-husband was no man so I broke off from him and his toxic parents. My advice to nyabs who are going through this situation right now, stop trying to buy their love. Your offerings for them will always be accepted but you'll never be accepted. Stop showering an ungrateful mother in law with love and gifts more than you do to your own mother. Remember they will always have their son's back period regardless you are right and he is wrong. Your in-laws aren't the only ones who see you as the black sheep in the family so does his aunts and uncles. You're mother in law and sister in laws will slave drive you. The number of times you have shown your generosity to your mil will never out win a one mistake you made and be labeled as a bad daughter by you mil for the rest of your life. Love yourself and love those who love you. Trust me, it's not worth going through depression to try to change what negative people thinks about you.
I am sorry about what happened to you sister. You have a kind heart. My sister said to me, that I have a bleeding heart..too kind to others. It took me many years to learn also. I live by one philosophy now..love the ones that love you, they don't have to be family. Life is too short to be unhappy. Good luck to you!
Yup. Took me long enough too. Actually, losing my sister put me thr deep depression n now i have to relearn to not be so kind to undeserving “ family members”
Love yourself first. Don't let the little things affect you and you'll be happier. Learn to be okay when not being invited or included because our time is just too precious. Only share your time and money with those who loves you.
yog lawm os peb cov ntxhais mus ua luag nyab e niam pog txiv yawg cov muam tsis nyiam kiag li ces tsis yog koj ibleeg thiaj li ntsib xwb feem coob yeej tau lub neej tusiab li koj hais no os Peb mus ua luag nyab ces kuv pom tau tias luag saib peb zoo yam li tej menyuam ntsuag uas nrog luag nyob xwb e luag thiaj tsis xav hlub li kuv ces twb thim kuv txoj kev ua zoo tusiab nrho los lawm ntau xyoo vim luag tsis pom yus qhov zoo tus me niam tsev aw txhob tusiab os cia yus rov hlub yus thiab cov menyuam xwb kaj siab lawm os
Sometimes, when you seek someone's approval and love, you overwork yourself by trying to prove to them and you will eventually get exhausted and tired and you will eventually end up getting hurt more. Glad you got it together.
I understand where you are coming from. I, too, am in your position. It's very sad to have in laws like that. I always get the end of the stick. But you know what, I am happy because I can live freely without worrying about them nor help them. If I can help, I help. If I cannot help, I don't feel bad about it. Just live freely and happy without them. That makes them even more mad.
Sorry to hear of your story. Sounds like my daughter's mil. I tell my daughter to do only what she can, don't over do things for ppl who don't love, care, and appreciate you. Best wishes ❤️
Yes it’s difficult. I believe everyone young couple gone through the struggle. I remember having to work all day then taking night class then picking up my kids from the in-laws and sometimes my husband from work. Our little family doesn’t get home until 10pm. We only have 2 kids at the time and my husband is the oldest and my kids were the only grandchildren yet my MIL still complained about having to watch them yet she wasn’t even working at that time. I know when I become a grandma I’ll fully support my kids!
Yes, I agree. Luckily I have really good in laws. But I have met people who take advantage of us because we were thoughtful of them. They only need you when they’re in need. There are some people who are narcissistic and can manipulate people around you too. Think positive and just love yourself. Great story.
I was once in your shoe, I got married to my ex husband at the age of 13 going on 14 in '97. At first I was the only daughter in law so they are OK but as the year goes by their other sons are married then I became their least favorite daughter in law in their family 👪. My ex husband was not man enough to hold any job in his life, I do everything for their family from the oldest to the youngest and from mother in law to father in law. At the end they are the ones who destroyed my life because they don't like me they even told their son which is my ex husband to pick fight with me and argue with me. I am fed up with that family 👪 I decided to part myself with that family forever. Doing good is God's gift 🎁 but there are limits to doing good 👍 sometimes you have to make the right choice.
Don’t wait for their love and do not waste time being sad. Earn your own and love your children and husband. In return, don’t give a damn about them later in life. Live apart and know yourself, don’t let anyone pressure you and do anything you do not feel comfortable with. Live your life and don’t expect anything, in return you do not owe anyone anything.
txhob tu Siab mog me viv ncaus aw kuv lub neej tseem txom nyem tshaj koj zoo li txoj kev kuv tseem taug mus dhau qhov koj hais ko os txhob tu Siab txhob quaj mog yog koj tseem quaj los taus kua muag ces tseem tu Siab tsis tau heev os kuv ces tu tu Siab los tsis taus kua muag lawm os cov pog nyiam tau xauv ncais qhws ntsej kub tau saw kub txhua tus kuv cov tsis tau ib yam li kav Liam mog txhob tos luag hlub yus os
Wowowo the longer I listen to this story the problem is almost the same problem like me and my parent. My parents treated me the same as this lady and her father and mother-in-law
Your not alone. I myself walk the same path. My husband is tall and I’m 4’11 I’m hmong white. My husband is Hmong green. My mil wanted my husband to married hmong green and tall wife. I myself was born in the US and know little hmong. My mil never approved of me she always tell me to leave my husband. My in laws also refused to watch my kids. They now watch my bil kids with no issue. Yes it hurts but at the end of the day as long as your husband loves you. I’ve always wanted my in laws to love me and respect me. But they don’t. All they ever did is cause drama into my marriage. After 17 years of marriage i learned That they will never accept me and love me. Love yourself and your family. Do what you can for them. To try too hard because at the end of the day they still don’t like you. Be strong ❤️
Learn to love yourself because you will always be an outsider in their eyes. No matter how much you try and put an effort into the relationship with your in laws they will never see your love.
Txhob tu siab os. Kuv ces zoo raws nraim li koj thiab os. koj tsawm muaj niam nyob deb. kuv ces tub tsis muaj niam muaj txiv tuag tag lawm lawv haj yam ua phem tsim yus lub siab kom mob. Qhov nqaij ntuag ntsav nrog mas tsis muaj tiam sis luag tsim yus lub siab mob tsaj. Pu ntuj teb tag hmo tsawm npau suav tuj toog txog txoj kev lawv ua phem thiab tsim yus mas tub2 siab tsawm quaj nrog dab ntu tsim duj dhee saum neej. Tu siab tshaj cas yuav los xiam tag ib tiam rau luag ntxub luag tsim. Tseev Txawm yuav ua zoo npaum li cas rau luag es seb luag puas hlub yus me2 los yog luag xub tim ntxub yus ces luag yeej ntxub. Tus nyab lawv nyiam2 ces txawm ua phem ua zoo rau lawv los lawv yeej hlub. tus nyab lawv nyiam2 tu ua tsis yog lawm los lawv tsawm tsa tu ntxiab xwb. Tej me nyuam luag yeej hlub cai npo yus cov. Txoj kev hlub kev zoo Ua zoo txau lawm tsis tu siab tias tsam yus tsis tau hlub lawv es lawv thiaj ua li rau yus. Hlub txau2 lawm los yus tub tsis zoo tsis nyob ntawm lawv lub zaim muag luaj ntiv los luaj rau. Tsis tos lawv txoj kev hlub tu sia nrho ua ib siab hlo muaj tus txiv thiab tej me nyuam lawm xwb. Lawv hlub yus li cas yus hlub lawv li ntawv lawm xwb.Hlub tus nrau lawm tsawm hlub yus.
I felt you and am related somewhat to your story but I also see some nyab in my families that are just very judgemental, very hateful and very criticism. No matter what we do or say she will judged and criticism us to our brother. Even if we watched what we say to her or do she still gets upsets and judged us, criticism us. It gets so frustrated when u can't be yourself around that nyab. I am a nyab myself and I may not received the fair treatments as my other sister in laws but when I give I give them the best and do what I can as best as I can and I still feel like I am still being dislike by some but at least I know I ain't trying to make them like me...I am doing for good karma and for my kindness that's sincere from my heart. So with that being say I really don't understand y some nyabs are so siab lim hiam to their husband's families but when it comes to their family they poured love and money out like it was nothing but their husbands' side then they counted every single penny, every helped and the most despicable thing is brainwashed her husband to think that his whole family is against him!!! Cruel...cruel...cruel...!!! Yes, I understand that as long as they love each other then we are happy but at least don't hate us and don't try to turn him against us. No matter what we're married to their brothers so we still need to have respect for one another even if we dislike one another!!!
My husband has a Niam tij who is 4’9/4’10 too. And my in laws (mostly my father in law) made my husband’s brother sign a contract to not marry her or else he wouldn’t help with the wedding. Of course he thought it was stupid and married her anyway. Fast forward to me and my husband dating, all they told my husband was to make sure I wasn’t small like my sister in law. They don’t treat their grandkids badly at all because the kids don’t have anything to do with it…. BUT my father in law doesn’t really go to their events when they invite him.
I have no time to try my best to love someone who doesn't love me. For me, they don't love me I give them back their own medicine to taste to see how was it. It is sweet or is it bitter.
Don’t let people step all over you, honey. If they don’t like you, they will never like you. Just think of it as you not owing anyone anything. The love you give to them should only equal the love you receive from them. Stop trying to be the better person, there’s no such thing.
My mother in law and husband are Christian before I married them. Mother in law told husband to cheat. He himself made that choice for him too. Believing in god does not make you a good person!
Some people think that they are better than others, but in reality they are the miserable ones. Don't expect anything good from them. I would distance myself from them.
Kab Lia aw, koj zaj sab sij huam no ces yog kiag kuv lub neej, kuv yeej ua li tus Viv ncaus no thiab os, Viv kuv los kuv ua ib yam thiab os, taum kawg ces kuv yeej thim kuv txoj kev hlub thiab os.
Tus me niam tsev aw, txhob tu tu siab os mog kuv lub neej los yeej tsis txawv koj lub thiab mog es lam nyob los ntawm yus tus txij nkawm xwb. Kuv cov me nyuam los yeej tsis tau pog thiab yawg txoj kev hlub thiab os. Yeej yog li koj hais luag tsis hlub yus ces yus cov niag me nyuam los lawv yeej tsis hlub tsis nrog yus cev tes puag ib tsam li os mog. Zoo siab rau yus tus txiv uas nws tseem hlub yus xwb nawb mog.
Yus ntxhais aw tsis txhob tu siab ntshai koj niam pog lawv qhia neb ua neb lub neej kom neb rau siab khwv noj khwv haus xwb yog hnub twg yus lub neej zoo lawm ces neb tsis xav kom lawv hlub nej los lawv yeej yuav hlub neb os yog yus txom nyiam ces leej twg los yeej saib
Sister don't feel sad. I'm in your shoes before but right now my mother in law see and know that I'm the only nyab she can ask for help so right now she love me. Before no matter how hard i try she never love me and my father in law too. Mil like yours deserve at nursing home. When my fil pass away my kids doesn't cry but when my father pass away my kids cry alot.
Me viv ncaus aw...cov nyab uas niam pog thiab txiv. Yawg lawv tsev neeg tsis nyiam yus ces yus txawm ua zoo npaum li cas rau luag los luag yeej xam tsis muaj yus li os me viv ncaus aw...lub neej es peb cov ntxhais hmoob los ua lawv nyab es lawv tsis nyiam yam nws yeej yog li koj tham tag nrho li os nws yeej raws raim li koj hais txhua yam li os.me viv ncaus yus tsis tau luag txoj kev hlub li ces ntshe yav no lawm tom yus yuav tau hlub yus tus kheej tso es mam mus hlub luag os
Sister aw...txoj kev hlub thov tsis tau taij tsis tau os yuav tsum yog lawv txaus siab xwb os mog...luag hlub yus li cas ces yus hlub luag li ntawv xwb os mog. Es thiaj tsis mob2 yus os.
Being nice to those that are mean and cruel to them and one day they will be nice to you, even if just for one day that was my mom's philosophy. That day never came she passed away before that day. She was so nice and kind to everyone that' have come into her life. It was so sad to see that and her hope to see for them to treat and being nice to her. May she rest in peace.
Tus mi niam tsev koj hais yog kawg lawm tus luag ntxub mas yuav ua zoo npaum cam los luag yeej tsis hlub li os , cov niag dev tom laus ntawd txhob guav ntsej li ov yus maj zeeg khwv mus lawm tom ntej ib hnoob yeej zoo xwb xwb , thaum yus zoo lawm cais ua ntsuas ntsia cov niag uas ntxub 2 hwv
Kuv twb muaj tej yam Kuv tu siab li koj thiab os. Vim thaub wb nrog lawv nyob es ib leeg ua hauj lwm xwb los lawv kom pab lawv them nqi ho Tus yau yuav poj niam los es nkawv 2 leeg ua nurse tau nyiaj ntau2 los lawv twb tsis pub nkawv them ib yam ab tsi li. Tu siab tshaj li os
Tus me Viv ncaus aw cas koj zaj dab neeg zoo kiag kuv zaj thiab os tsis yog ib leej xwb thiaj li ntsib lub neej zoo li ko os. Kuv cov menyuam los yeej tus siab tib yam nkaus koj cov thiab os. Txawm koj yuav ua zoo npaum li cad los luag yeej tsis pom rhuab tsis hlub yus li nawb hos tus luag hlub ces txawm tsis ua dabtsi rau luag li los luag yeej qhuas2 li os.
This story is so related to my nyab life. I am about your height and my in law treat me differently from other nyab. My kids never get close to their grandparents and never want to sleep over.
Tos lub qab ntuj no muaj cov neeg siab phem lim hiam li no los vim yog muaj cov neeg siab zoo2 li neb ib niam txiv ko. Yog hais qhov tim ces tim cov neeg siab zoo. Cov neeg siab zoo yuav tau hloov, hlub tus luag hlub yus xwb. Ua zoo rau tus nws zoo rau yus xwb ces, cov neeg phem lim hiam yuav tsawg zuj zus mus ..hauv lub qab ntuj no.