This last caller. I get it completely!! I am a retired nurse. I worked with SO MANY nurses who married men that “didn’t like getting up early”, “liked to play golf”, or got laid off & NEVER looked for another job. They were pregnant and working so much overtime they could no longer lace their shoes. My husband (boyfriend at the time) wanted to get married. He had just been laid off. I told him I would not marry him unless he had a job. He found one in another city. We married & I moved. We’ve been married for 32 years and he has always been gainfully employed!! You MUST ask/state exactly what you want.
I am one of those, who did that. When I left the marriage it was the hardest time. Then I met THE man.25 years ago.I’m still doing too much for my grandchildren, but working on it.
It's so hard to be alone after you've been married. But having gone through a divorce, I could say that it was really smart for me to stay alone and process the loss and feel it instead of jumping into a shiny new person where I can hide and not feel the pain of the loss of my marriage.
To the first caller...I picked up the mantra "Sharing is caring" after my husband and I had the exact same conversation. Every time I felt myself pulling in, I'd repeat that phrase to myself and as quickly as possible share what was on my mind. My husband feels loved when I open up. And truthfully, I feel whole when I express my thoughts.
I never dated newly separated/divorced men. They're typically not available. Infatuated with the freedom of choice of new romantic partners. Very predictable behavior.
@@ashleyduckworthyt3224 yeah, there HAD to be something more going on that was definitely inappropriate. Gods, my heart aches for that poor young woman.
Great advice again and learning so much through these podcasts! After a marriage of 26 years I am divorced and brokenhearted... I have to also start heal and start over. I am going to follow the advice about writing a letter from future me to present me and reverse engineer the things I have to put into practice today and tomorrow for that to become true.
Trey has literally never been single. Real healing would be liking himself enough to be single for a year AFTER his divorce is final. He is such a good salesman that he has convinced himself that he has everything figured out when, in reality, he is too afraid to even spend 6 months alone.
@@luciogamesmusic dude is clearly a tool. Not even divorced and found the love of his life (again). Says all the right things but he doesn’t even believe it. You could be a tool too.
I did the same thing for a long time. Best thing I did for myself was be single for a few years. Then I met my husband and it's been the best relationship.
I was tearing up listening to the first caller. I was sexually abused by a cousin when I was pretty young. And when it happened I could feel in my body that what was happening was not good but I was so confused. And I never told my family. Eventually I think I blocked it out so much that even now I wonder if that really happened. Like my mind is gaslighting itself so I won’t hurt from it if I don’t remember it. But then why would I recall the exact scene of it happening and how he made it seem ok but still to keep it a secret? And now that I’m older and sometime I still wonder if it was real, I make myself feel like it doesn’t matter anymore and what would it even do now if I told my family? I haven’t seen him in over 15 years but if he is ever even mentioned I feel hatred. For him and even resentment for people who talk about him. I really feel for this first caller. It sucks.
Wow! I even looked at your name, I thought I’d written this post sometime in the past!! The exact same experience for me too: a male cousin, I was somewhere between age 5-6. When I think of it my whole body and all my insides feel it. I can recall feeling exactly the same; scared and completely confused. I was told to NEVER TELL! Then he did it again when I was 12! And all the years in between he would touch my arm or stroke my hair or blow on my neck as he walked past me at family gatherings 😨 The time he touched me when I was 12 I pushed him away and reacted and he squeezed my wrist SO hard and covered my mouth and threatened me… (there’s that feeling again 😨) I didn’t tell a soul til I was 17 after being on antidepressants and a few therapy sessions, I finally told my mother who only said “I remember when you changed” 😢 nothing more. I carried it all the way to age 40 when I had a mental breakdown (brought on by a narcissistic boss) More therapy and me exposing him to all of my extended family, I too feel resentment for those that still talk to him, especially MY own family members!!! My brother and mother are still friends with his wife (our blood cousin), the very cousin that even had the nerve to ask if I could be mistaken or making it up !!!! 😠 Ok it wasn’t her that did it, it was her husband BUT my mother and brother know how much my life was ruined by his actions, I just find it so strange they could still interact with them! But that’s on me, that’s how I feel. I am somewhat free now, still pending…. This podcast has helped me so so much!!! I’ve finally been able to ‘set down the backpack’ The healing is ongoing but I’m getting there thank goodness 🙏🏼
@@JennieC21 I hope you keep healing from it too. You are very strong and while I hate that you’ve gone through this, it’s nice to feel not so alone about it. ❤️
I was traumatized by my mom almost as much as the 40 yr old man that raped me when I was 4 yrs old. My mom was more concerned about me giving him forgiveness than me needing help. When I was assaulted at the age of 10 by a 16-year-old neighbor as soon as I got away I ran to my mom to tell her. All she had to say was why did you let him do it? I've never been able to expect her to keep me safe ever. Bio dad bailed early on. Every time my mom tried finding a father figure for me she always chose a man that likes to rape children. I had to tell her please f****** stop
I know what you mean and I have a similar experience with an uncle. I didn’t bother telling my family, I was also sexually abused by my step dad and when I told my mom about that she never believed me and it went to lengths where cps gave her an ultimatum him or your kids and she picked him. Anyways, I cut ties with that uncle and he no longer lives in the same state as me. As to my stepdad, he passed away in a car accident and my mom was left in critical condition. I dropped out of college to help her and get custody of my younger siblings. She only apologized to me when she thought she’d never recover. Now she’s better and seemed to forget what happened and the impact it had on me. She still mourns him and creates this narrative that he was the perfect man. Yet he was the reason that she lost custody of us and he would constantly beat her after a night of drinking. I’m still trying to work through that healing. I thought I was over it since I talked it out a lot in support groups, but somehow the same feels come back. I wish we all find the healing we need. This channel has helped me unpack a lot of my traumas and get therapy. 💕
Hearing the second caller… sounds similar to my story. We were together over 15 years when he called it. But he would never give me a straight answer in the sense of, Here are the 5 things about you that I can’t live with, or whatever. I believe it was a combination of his childhood trauma and my former toxic religious beliefs and values (which I have left behind, but the damage was done). It’s hard to be vulnerable with a critical person, and I was very critical and judgmental-not of him when we were dating, but regardless, it was who I was. I’m not now. But the lack of intimacy pretty much destroyed our relationship before it even got started. I’m surprised we made it this far!
3rd caller: at the end of the day they both are mooching ( daughter and husband). She should have known better than marrying and having a child with a professionally unemployed 30 year old man. Step aside mama. Husband is lazy and statically, he will not change, it's up to daughter to decide what she'll do with that information. Don't become an enabler, step aside.
I cringed when Trey said he was dating before he was divorced! The fact the he could not articulate WHY he was (almost) divorced made me cringe too!! He has absolutely no idea how to be alone!! After two rounds of marriage counseling (and countless conversations at home) with ex told everyone that he had no idea why I divorced him 🤦♀️
In all honesty, John, we think that you have the ability to hurt Kelly because you've played it that way on the show. It's a shtik: you throw her under the bus as comic relief. Sometimes it is actually funny! Usually not, but sometimes! 😂
I'm sorry, but he didn't really try. My husband and I are in the same place and after 17+ years he said he tried. The thing was I never knew we had major problems. One day he said he was done trying but I didn't even know he had been so unhappy. But he's ready to move on with someone new.
There is no need for her to jump into marriage. If she loves him, she won’t pushing like she already seems to be. If and when the timing is right, it’ll happen. Just keep loving each other.
Maybe they should create "nice weekend syndrome" instead nice man syndrome. Person who is available fully, for n idea of "nice weekend syndrome".. they are fully commited for a partner, with all their attention, because it is mutual, and if both are fully commited, they can not be at the same time "toxically commited"....their kids are playing along too. It´s not "too available for a partner", its just misconception of true bond... because bond is a mutual feeliung from two people. either you are both commited or you are not. Make idea once a week going to a nature, camping or hiking with a family, play silly games, with some ball, or do tenis, husband will bond more with wife, wife will bond more with husband, thanks to innocent silly games. I mean games like "who will" make the tent first etc or who will prepare food, or something little just for fun, bringing some mushroom, in such innocent moment wife and husband enjoy the moments of silence, and gentle loving touch, holding hands while walking in nature, or he helps making a camp fire, she will hand him the stuff from bag, without any silly analytical "thoughts" in head looking into each others eyes, without words, Actions speak louder than constantly anlyzing, In silence they actually create "bonding loving" atmposphere in their marriage. People dont practice this silent approach, just sitting looking in camp fire and enjoy family time, or riding a horse together, walking a dog silently, and enjoying the other person´s presence, they are taught by media, to just talk all the time, so they dont have time to fall in love over and over again. But usually you fall in love especially when your mouth are shut, when your mind isnt too rational in prefrontal cortex, and eyes open, not in times of constant analyzis. so ypou let your heart speak sometimes too. Its called brain heart coherence, in state of alpha, theta. Laughter is healling and laughter makes people bond together. Children may learn new hobbies,, in the nature.. It is better than being constantly attacked by news and silly topics on social media, or being brainwashed to eat some pills to feel happier. Hobbies and laughter is good stimulation for brain, also it increases immunity of the body, so people feel healthier, happier.
In ministry!? This guy is not using God, where are the elders, the leaders pastors deacons the community?? If he is not in a paid position he is NOT in ministry.
Maybe the last caller should tell her lazy entitled daughter to get off the couch and work instead of blaming everyone else for her problems. Dr panderlony didnt want to say that for some reason
43:54 Did you miss the fact that she makes more than her husband and works full time? BUT they also have a young baby who needs their mom right now so she also has to be around for that.
@@flashthecorgi2053you missed the fact that she quit her job. Her income is zero now she calls mommy for cash because she's too lazy and immature to work. Try to keep up
@@benmyers9030 She hasn’t quit her job yet. You need to watch again. They WANT her to be a stay at home mom, she hasn’t yet. In fact, mother in law even said it may not be a reality anymore since they can’t pay the bills. Watch again instead of assuming you know everything!
@@benmyers903056:24 “her staying at home may not just not be an option” MIL wouldn’t be saying that if she was already staying at home. Try to keep up please!
@@rachel4339it’s the word she used “chat” which sounds so casual to me. Not that she’s casual about it but she has everything so scripted to make it sound not so bad.
@@judybaker3196 Ah, I see. Yeah, it’s pretty normal for people to minimize their trauma, it’s just a coping mechanism. Similar to how those who work in emergency services have to develop a dark sense of humor.
I have and still do use very minimizing language for my own trauma. It's survival. It needs to be addressed eventually to fully accept the reality, but that is over time.
It’s going to take longer to heal from the prior relationship and he thinks the new relationship will be better because it’s a new person. But he’s probably co-dependent thinking this new person will be the answer. I thought the same thing after my divorce but there is no perfect person.
If you daughter wanted to be a stay at home mom, she should have married a man who can provide that life. Marrying someone because they are nice is a bare minimum. Of course you should marry someone who is nice.
YES. So quick to marry and pop out these kids, they don’t even consider the life partner they’re committing to. And the mother acting like HE is the problem… 😒
The 3rd caller son-in-law is what Jordan Peterson described 'an old infant'. Peter Pan who never wanted to transition into adulthood. Sounds like he is looking for a surrogate mom because he grew up in an environment where marriage equals looking for a mommy. In Italy these men are known as mammone. It's so sad really, failure to transition.
Exactly! It’s a failure of his father to cut the emotional umbilical cord between he & his mother and call him forth into manhood. Usually when I see this kinda dude, the father is afraid of the mother and abdicates his fatherly role so his wife isn’t mad at him & the son doesn’t rage out when he doesn’t get his way.
On the 27 yo son-in-law who is not accustomed to adulting: there was an interesting convo outside my window this AM by the mother of a 27 yo moving out. Son wasn’t even there; he flew out to Irvine this AM where his team relocated. His mother flew in from Michigan to pack him up and move. She also flew out from Michigan to move him in a couple months ago. This guy is 27 and his mom says he’s nervous. Well no wonder: he doesn’t know how to do anything. What’s even worse is the apartment he moved in/moved out from is owned by a woman whose mom acted as her daughter’s leasing agent. By contrast, my parents literally dropped me off at college freshman year and drove off before finding out I owed a balance and couldn’t move into the dorm. There’s got to be a middle ground!
Helicopter parenting is killing generations. I too was a victim, just wish I saw it for what it was over a decade ago. Now Adjusting to my new reality and at peace with it.
If we want young people to change we need to let them have problems… That’s such an amazing concept that addresses some complicated situations. I 100% agree.
When I was listening to the mother-in-law, talk about the situation with her son-in-law all I could think about was how my parents must’ve felt with my husband. We were basically the exact same scenario for 13 years. My family sat by and worried about me for that long. It was always awkward because I loved my husband so much but I knew that my family thought he was a loser. He wasn’t. He was on disability, but Long and short of it after I lost my husband two years ago to cancer I’ve realized that they were right in many aspects and hearing this call, brought it all home to me.
Hey I am not a psychologist but if you have to have everything we'll planned out all of the time right down to every detail that sounds like there is an issue with control behind that.
I think that people can married young if they know how to pick a spouse with similar values, morals, and belief system. If you are young and marry someone just because of “chemistry” or because you have shallow interest in common, it will inevitably fail not matter what age. Statically, people who practice Christianity (not just claim to be Christian and adhere to their own “truth”) and have traditional values tend to have drastically lower divorce rates than the average.
@@jaymieshaw9483Divorce rates aren’t an indication of successful marriages. Lots of Christians couples stay together because of their beliefs but are miserable. I happen to know some. Also, your values and who you are changes as you mature and age, which is why it’s not advised to marry when you are young.
@@signalfire15 well I’ve been married 11 years and with my husband for a total of 16. We are both devout Catholics and our values and morals have not changed since we started dating at 19 and now we are 34 and 35 years old. Yes people change, but most of time (aside from cases of physical abuse, drug addiction, serious matters like that) being miserable is a choice people make in marriage.
Yeah I married my ex at 20 to get away from my crazy azz mother. Took 25 yrs before I finally left him.. never been happier. Will never ever marry again or live with someone ever.
For the last caller: Your son-in-law has only ever taken the elevator and now you want him to start sprinting up flights of stairs. He doesn't even know stairs exist let alone how to climb them. The only thing you can do to help him is love him and encourage him to work harder. If you're in a position to help him find challenging work that's at his level he may grow to be more confident in himself and his ability to work hard. But, you have to meet him at his level. If you push him to hard he'll quit. Also, it will ultimately come down to whether he even wants to. He might be completely complacent with where he is. Give him some verbal support. Let him know that you see all of the good things that he's doing and you're excited to see what an incredible worker and amazing father he becomes. Give him an identity that he can live in to. I was that guy. I didn't have a full time job until 26 yrs old. I didn't know how to work let alone the extent of how hard I can actually push. I pray for amazing growth for that young man and that the people around him show him love, kindness and patience. May he also be appropriately challenged and learn to be a respectable man.
I disagree with Texas analysis. Love doesn’t pay bills. If she wanted to be a stay home mom she shdnt have married a guy who works part time and lives with parents. He won’t suddenly become who he is not. If she loves him she needs to give up her stay home dreams and use her degree to provide for her lover and kids. If she wanted a provider she should have married a provider. Plus there is an in between . In US you can be fully employed and deliver pizzas weekends but still can’t have stay home wife because it’s expensive. Giving birth alone could be hundreds of thousands. I saw a couple who owed over a million dollars because their twins were born primies. So if you want a full provider you find someone who has already proved to be one like a millionaire. Regular people can’t support a family on one income. Plus it’s not fair for a guy to be working all the time and never see their kid. They both should help each other since she didn’t pick a millionaire
Dr devorcey disagrees. He thinks the guy is "cheating" by not magically becoming a neurosurgeon or personal injury attorney after they got married 😂😂😂. The fact that most houses in the us are two income is also lost on this dude somehow
Okay but there comes a desperate point. They can’t even pay some of their bills right now. She said her daughter in law is working full time and is making MORE than her husband. That means her husband needs to step up and make some more money too. Mom has to be around for the baby right now and dad can do some side jobs while that’s happening.
@@flashthecorgi2053 well you can’t change people. If it’s never been in him he won’t suddenly do that. They will just frustrate themselves to death or depress him. He was not raised that way and they know it. The dream here tho is clearly to make her stay home mom. That’s not going to happen. She shd buckle up if she loves him. She found him that way. Why is a 22 year old married to 30 yr old with a child. Meaning they got married when she was 21 and he was old enough to show his true colors.
I'm glad you made this video,I can recall when I was homeless, lost my only son; lost my car; my husband is bedridden, im his caretaker and raising my daughters 3 young children. no support system, no state help and faced with many things in Life until $75,000 biweekly began rolling in and my Life went from A homeless nobody to a different person with good things to offer!!!!!❤️
Isaiah 45:3 speaks of a transference of riches from the heathen to the righteous...I will give you the treasures of darkness and the riches hidden in secret... I receive this for my household in Jesus' name. Amen!
Hello, how do you achieve such biweekly returns? As a single parent i haven't been able to get my own house due to financial struggles, but my faith in God remains strong.
I raised 75k and Christine Evelyn Mackie is to be thanked. I got my self my dream car 🚗 just last weekend, My journey with her started after my best friend came back from New York and saw me suffering in dept then told me about her and how to change my life through her. Christine E. Mackie is the kind of person one needs in his or her life! I got a home, a good wife, and a beautiful daughter. Note: this is not a promotion but me trying to make a point that no matter what happens, always have faith and keep living!
I hate to break it to that son-in-law doing ministry but…. The Bible says…. 1 Timothy 5:8 says, "But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever"
Trey, also be careful because of your kids. My dad did the same thing you did. Dating while getting a divorce and he married her the weekend after it was final. Not saying this will happen to him but as I child it makes you question love when you see someone move on that fast.
If the ministers daughter goes to work, who is going to take care of the baby? The grandmother? For free? And if she does that, she is only supporting the minister to continue his lifestyle. The grandmother did not live her whole life to be able to take care of her daughter’s children. The grandmother deserves freedom.
The last lady just needs to mind her own business. Her daughter is married now so it's not her business anymore. I have known couples like her daughter where the husband was always lazy but have been happily married for decades. Some guys are just like that and sure it's not ideal but that's her daughters choice.
😂 LOL! I know! I feel the same way. It's kind of a weird mix of providing mental and emotional advice with material products that may help but also cost a lot of money. Of course if he's being sponsored by those companies then that's more money for him. The end goal, of course, is money. He said right when he joked to that last caller that he is running a scam called a podcast!
He’s figuring out his pattern, he needs to have time alone, process the relationship that ended and the relationship he has with himself. Introspection. What did he learn? Who does he want to be in the future.
Jeez as time goes on it really does seem like the truth that men cannot handle being alone. That either makes them serial monogamists who are shitty boyfriends/husbands, or they’re non committal/players/forever bachelors who are always sleeping with a new woman. Both of my exes wanted a mommy. I played the part for a while but it soon got old.
I completely agree with your final analysis for the majority, and for 100% of men I've ever been with. It's been kind of amazing recently to realize and understand this on such a deep level that I'm actually grateful I don't even have a marriage or relationship like the ones in my family and freind groups that are objectively healthy, happy, monogamous and they're good to each other. There would still be way too much nonsense for me, I get it now and I praise God for keeping me from this fate. Some people are great in good relationships and never even have bad ones. I understand that I'm one of many women who wasn't created for that purpose and I'm more than ok with that in my late 40s. ❤ In fact, I'm actually looking forward to the rest of my yrs having all this wisdom and experience that I lacked the 1st 40+ yrs!
Christine is me. Nurse. Catholic. Do the right thing. Married the first man who showed interest. Felt I would be left on the shelf. Don’t know where low self esteem came from. My father alcoholic, mother the worker kept everything together. My sisters , 2 of them alcoholic,children, no marriage. Me,No sex before marriage. No children before marriage. My grown up children abuse this. My husband tells me to stop doing so much, my grandchildren are not my children. All this scares me.
New here! Just got back from DC. 12 yrs abstaining 😮last 5 yrs on purpose. No one's asking though. No I'm NOT depressed . 57yrs, 58 next week. 1st caller, like . My daughter, 24 now. Similar except it was her uncle. Her Dad's brother in law. My daughters never dated. Nor trying to pursue anything.
Why is it when a guy is a stay at home dad hes suppose to do extra when his wife gets home because she's tired from 40 hour work weeks but when it's a stay at home mom the guy needs to work 60 hour weeks then come home and help because the mom is exhausted from watching kids all day
Last calller: as soon as they mention the daughter was 22 and the husband with no job was 30….. RUN GIRL!!! And good on YOU, mom! State what you need to say to your daughter and then shut up-you already know how this is going to play out. Get your daughter to see a therapist so she can learn to be direct about her needs (and eventually be strong enough to leave him when he doesn’t do anything about it)
First Caller: my husband’s marriage of 16 years fell apart/high school sweethearts…the whole thing. Sounded so much like you. We met, we fell in love…his divorce wasn’t final and I was horrified to find that out. We were both scared but it was wild, passionate and we could be our real selves. Thirteen years of marriage later, our kid out of the house and it has been the BEST decision of our lives. We are still madly in love, putting the work in and have raised 7 amazing kids/young adults together. It’s a wild ride… enjoy it.
Is that what you take from these shows? He’s just being lighthearted when a young adult calls in and says they have a boyfriend/girlfriend etc Why would you have a problem with that? 😂
