How Do You Know Who to Trust? 

I wish I had this video 5 years ago. I’m 30, and realize that I could have closed my circle and focused on chosen family so much sooner. A phrase I am finally able to say to myself and have it be true is “it’s okay to have needs”. My therapist asked me to say it out loud 3 years ago and I literally couldn’t do it. I didn’t trust myself for far too long and am just now learning how to set boundaries. Thank you, Hannah.

I needed to hear this so much. I'm a serial truster... Time after time people show their true colours and I just refuse to see it. Its the self trust I need to work on. I deserve better. You're forever one of my favourite RU-vidrs 🙏❤️

I like the 3 'R's and I might add a 4th: Respect. Respect when someone's response tells/shows you they aren't able to meet your needs. Believe that response instead of making excuses for those. Respect yourself - know that you are worthy of having your needs met - and surround yourself with people worthy of your trust.

Damn, this must’ve been really hard to film. Thank you for your thoughts and the energy you put out. This has been a tough year+ where a lot of people are finally standing up for themselves, because after a year of hell we need people who add to our lives not take take take. No more allowing people to gaslight us so they can continue to ignore their own faults, and pretending they are ours

"Just let it break. It's broken already." I needed this. Thank you.

This video sounds more like it's for you far more than it's for us. I'm not even going to begin to pretend that I followed that, but I can definitely agree that trust is confusing and difficult sometimes.

You can love and appreciate someone without giving them your trust. That is earned! Thank you Hannah!!!

We don't need you to make everything fun Hannah. Really appreciate the realness here ❤ Have gone no contact with my mother in the last 2 years and oof, this was a nice to hear.

Hope you are well. There appears to be a very specific untold story behind this small video. We don't need to know the details. My default is trust and it's up to other people to continue to be trustworthy or not. Yes, I've been hurt that way, but sometimes by trusting someone they find they like that trust and want to keep it.

God this is so intense. I know the feeling that you’re giving off so well. Here’s to hoping we can move forward, grow and love ourselves - truly.

As I have enjoyed this window into your journey and watched the hills and valleys, I am compelled to tell you that I am happy to see how there are always "Hannah" aspects that are present. All the things that drew me into my fandom of you as a creator are still present but are so much more detailed and nuanced. Thank you for continuing to share yourself with us! May these small days treat you well.

"First: You have to trust yourself deeply." Yeeeaaahhh that's where I struggle haha. Thank you, though. I needed to hear this message. I agree with you - trust needs to be earned. I just need to build the courage to have that conversation with the people I love but no longer trust.

“You have to trust yourself deeply to let go of the myth that you’re the problem.” Wow…. That spoke to me.

"You need to trust yourself deeply to let go of the myth that you're the problem." Ouch, that hit hard. Something to talk with my therapist about....

Hannie, I feel you. Relationships are so hard. I wish I could give you words of wisdom, but all I can say is, “Trust your gut.” There are times in your life when you have to cut yourself off from those who hurt you ... and it sucks! But in the end, you need to protect yourself. Hugs!

This is why you will always be one of my favorite people. I really need this today. Thank you.

The timing of this is insane. I am overcome. I needed exactly this message in exactly this way. Thank you

i really needed to hear this. about a year ago i ended my 11 year friendship with my “best friend” (i’m 18 so she was in a lot of my life) and since then ive been feeling extremely guilty but i was maturing and working on my mental health and feeling my needs and trying to express them and she just wasn’t at the same spot in the healing journey and was weighing me down. i hope that one day she understands.

Someone's missed their calling as a therapist. This is a brilliant video. Thank you for the recognition that you need to trust yourself deeply and that there are those myths...that I am the problem. That I can't love me because no one else does. That I'm not worthy of receiving love and I will poison what I touch...that they are myths. Just because you believe something, doesn't make it so. In a relationship, there are "we" problems -- the things my partner does AND how it affects me. And your hair looks great. Keep up the good work.

I love seeing this evolution of Hannah’s channel. I like this combo of fun silly my drunk kitchen and these videos of this wildly intelligent and caring woman giving helpful and loving support/advice to their audience. I really feel like we get to see the whole Hannah these days❤️

THE BROKEN POT ANALOGY!!! STOP AHHH IT HIT ME SO HARD OH GOD!!!!

This is such an interesting perspective to hear for someone who is disabled, because I feel like I have to trust faster and with more immediate things and oftentimes trusting myself just isn't enough to carry me through (literally). So the luxury of choosing only people who respond genuinely to my needs, on whatever level, isn't necessarily there. I do think the frame of kindness, attentiveness and respect towards yourself that you suggest is really valuable though.

People seem to forget that you are always allowed to cut off any relationship you feel like you need to. We can all make our own family but no one is owed your continued attention. We can all find love if we are willing and able to accept it. That seems to be a pretty tricky part.

Trust builds slowly, but breaks quickly. You don't trust someone a little less: you lose trust entirely. I borrowed that thought from a novel I read as a kid. I'm trying to remember the name.

You okay my friend? You seemed on the verge of tears the whole video. You’re helping a lot of people I can see in the comments with this video. But I hope you’re ok ❤️

Thanks for not editing out the little stumbles and mistakes from this video. It made the message feel so authentic.

Over the past 10 years Hannah has always said exactly what I need to hear when I need to hear it and I’m so grateful for that

Wow, this hit me hard, so much raw truth. This is such a difficult process, with so many ideas that we form over our life of our own worth, and what and who we "should" be or how we "should" behave. Letting go of those ideas and habits and allowing ourselves to give value to ourself, is so difficult. Especially when we or others have told us that we are not worthy for various reasons. I can't tell you how many times I have been told to buck up, to let it go, to be the bigger person in a situation where a trust has been broken. Where I have been coached to forgive and that if I don't, I am selfish and souly responsible for the destruction of that relationship. Contempt. Contempt is real, and so damaging to a relationship, you are so spot on. I felt this so much. And you are right, we can only be responsible for our part of this trust, you can not make the other person participate in fixing anything if they are not willing. The question then becomes, are you willing to give without receiving? Are you willing to invest, when it is not reciprocated? And does that bring you happiness? And the hardest truth of all, is that sometimes, even when you accept responsibility for your part and even the other person in the situation, you humble yourself and compromise yourself, that contempt, that contempt inevitably grows. Even further, if you can actually attempt to repair it, actually say, "things will be diferent, changed", the other party may then decide that you are no longer worth thier time, because you have given yourself value and said "no more, never again", and this no longer works for them. Then you are faced with contempt, compromise, or loss.

Hi Hannah. I've been watching your videos for a LONG time. I have a bad habit of brushing needs / feelings under the rug and manifesting them into unhealthy things. Thank you for reminding me that it is normal and ok to feel broken. Sending you lots of love~

I learned this a hard way. People I felt I was really close to turned out to really have nothing in common with me and a lot that stabbed at things I held dear to me. I don't hate them... they're just really not people that I want to be around. They were blood family. The people I trust are like yours, "tiny" as in your words. I don't know if I can actually approach those people again. I loved and thought they were the only people I had left to connect to... after that I realized there were more people that accepted me as I am now over the people that tolerated me for who I was. I think many have exactly the same feelings you conveyed in words Hannah. Thank you.

As someone who's lived no contact with family members only to have to move back in with them during the pandemic with absolutely no change in behavior, this hits pretty hard.

me watching this while having extreme trust issues especially after i just got out of a friendship where everything was going SO good until i finally admitted to myself/came to terms with the fact that they’ve been lying to me for the past almost two years about literally everything and for no fucking reason. idk if they were just insecure or what but it all went downhill when i finally confronted them about it 🤩 they’ve basically ghosted me and been leaving me on read so i just stopped reaching out. whats even more awful is i feel like i was really taken advantage of like… in a fwb almost type way… and i ended up catching feelings. very shit situation especially since i saw it coming and have always been paranoid ab them lying a lot and using me. but i always gave the benefit of the doubt. i ignored my gut and decided to trust time and time again. now i’ve been crying for the past month and feel awful and have shut literally everyone off go me !!

Thank you for sharing and helping me understand apart of myself I have not been respecting. Trust is so important and part of me knows I lost that trust in someone and myself and I have been working so hard to gain that trust back in myself. I have been trying to find my boundaries and get back to a safe place in my heart and mind. Sending healing, happiness and love to you Hannah. Thank you for being you 🤗💙

To be frank, as another gay inside their 30’s, just the whole vibe I’m getting from Hannah since her return to RU-vid is setting off my spidy-senses. Hannah, I know I needed to hear this at one point in my life and I never got it and it made me stay in situations way longer than I needed to be and that caused me to hit a moral rock bottom. So here: “ You have permission to leave them behind. You aren’t going to save them. You aren’t going to fix them. You aren’t their parent and it’s not your responsibility to put in effort to pick up the slack they aren’t providing. Hannah, it’s not selfish to put you and your needs first especially when it’s affecting your vitality. So go…Leave…..Don’t be a martyr for someone else’s story.

You have no idea how badly I needed to hear this tonight. Not just today but specifically tonight right now. Thank you Hannah hart.

Very deep, Hannah. The dearest person in my life broke my trust years ago. It is easier to forgive than completely trust someone again. Trust has to earned and it can take a long time to get back once you’ve lost it. I now guard myself and I don’t trust anyone completely, I don’t want to be blindsided and hurt again. But I do love…

Thank you for reminding me that fulfilling my needs does not make me a bad person. Just because others were not able to reciprocate the trust and love I gave them, doesn't mean I should ignore my own needs. I needed that today ❤

Hannah, thank you so much for this - it struck a deep chord with me. For about 5+ years I have been working on rebuilding - or maybe building for the first time - my trust in myself and my needs after my trust with most of the people in my immediate circle was broken. I feel I have finally come to a place where I strongly trust myself. Only this year have I begun the path of trying to rebuild some broken trust with others, because I want to try, but I have felt so lost not knowing how. Your checklist perfectly captured what I've been trying to navigate and it felt familiar to my stumbling process into this, so I thank you - this has helped me feel less alone. Wishing you and Ella the very best.

That analogy tore straight through me. Hit me harder looking into your eyes. Hope you feel stronger today and capable of carrying your burdens and know that it's okay to put them down to catch your breath. Much love and admiration from a long time watcher♥️

I needed this so badly thanks for your honesty and frankness. Definitely need to work on trusting myself and thinking I'm not the problem ❤️❤️

ahh, I missed your videos.. thank you for sharing your feelings. There's something very healing about not feeling alone, and weak, in this kind of emotional growth.

Thank you so much for giving me the broken pot metaphor. I have a friend who I have felt hurt by too many times to count. I kept dismissing my feelings because when I think about the individual incidents it doesn't seem like a big deal, but I am sensitive and those little cuts add up to a lot of pain. This video has validated my feelings and helped me to see that I need to respect myself enough to not allow myself to be hurt by this person anymore. Thank you!

You articulated so many things here that I have been feeling over the years in my personal relationships but couldn’t put into words. Thanks for being so real and vulnerable with us, Hannah. ❤️

Thank you for sharing this! I have been feeling guilty for setting some boundaries with people in my inner circle that I needed to set to feel safe and even though it is scary and difficult it is nice to not feel alone in navigating uncomfortable aspects of relationships. It is just a part of real life but we usually see/hear about the highlights of others relationships so we ignore important parts like sharing needs and setting boundaries that are sometimes needed. Hope you are doing well and have/find good people that you know you can trust and depend on

Thank you Hannah! This is a life lesson that is so hard to learn and deal with for many. Trust is so easily given, but once it's broken. It takes a tremendous amount of time, energy, and knowing thyself to see if it even can be repaired. Unfortunately in a lot of cases it's for your best interest NOT to continue the relationship. That can be one of the most difficult things some may ever do. Everyone, this applies to ALL people in your life. Family included! Though that makes it so much harder. Thanks again Hannah! We could all see how hard this video was for you to make. I'm sure this will help a lot of people.

Thank you so so much, I just got out of a program myself and the idea that I need to trust myself not to be the problem before I can trust others is HUGE. I am off work until after the new year so this will definitely be part of my "home work" once again thank you, this came at the truly perfect time for me. Everything is made perfect in His timing... and sometimes that perfect is the right video at the right time, and sometimes its ending relationships with people that haven't earned it. Once again thank you so much.

I am crying so much right now. What you’re saying is so deep and intense, thank you for your wisdom

💖 it's definitely harder when you do trust yourself deeply and you are aware of what's happening every step of the way. I feel that you know exactly how this feels. You are not alone. 💖

After all these years, after watching you at the beginning, seeing that you're still so genuine, caring, and intelligent warms my heart. I've seen so many just snuff that part of themselves out for the sake of trying to stay relevant, but you haven't. After all of the success you've had, you're still humble and kind. You're still Hannah. On a platform that is riddled with selfish, people who put on a facade of caring, you still genuinely care. It's a wonderful thing to see. Keep being you.

Oh Hannah 😭 I needed this today. My family is the broken pot, I keep getting cut, and I am trying so hard to let go of the myth that I’m the problem. This year, after my dad died from Covid and my religious/homophobic family ignored me and my needs and wishes… I realized I can’t keep hurting myself by trying to trust people who do not deserve it. I drew boundaries. My girlfriend and I will not be spending holidays with either of our families. Sometimes change hurts and that doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice ❤️

I needed to hear this so much today. Thank you so much for continuing to be on RU-vid.

I'm coming back to this video after a while to remember what about it triggered me to actually fully realize things weren't okay and to trust my needs and oof. I don't know what this video was about but it feels like it was sent to me specifically. I can't put into words how much this video alone helped me leave a really toxic and hurtful situation. And while it still hurts i know it was the right thing for me to do. I can't thank you enough Hart. Thank u so much for helping me realize i should not be accepting the situation i was in. To make me see i was trusting someone that for a long time wasn't doing anything to earn it. I am quite gullible and trust people probably too much. But i think as long as I have this video I'll be able to trust myself first. Thank u. 💜❤️💛

Hey I stumbled upon this in the exact moment I needed it. I thank you. You’re more than enough and I appreciate you

You are a gift to this world. Thanks for all you do

Thank you. Finding this especially powerful after a recent breakup from (yet another) relationship where my trust and faith wasn't reciprocated or my boundaries respected. There's only so much you can do for someone else. I still struggle to know when to draw the line when someone starts off kind and loving, and then changes. I think I'll be coming back to this video to check myself next time around.

Thank you so much for this, Hannah. I’m incredibly grateful to have long-standing, very strong relationships with friends and family who I know I can trust. However, I haven’t accepted new relationships or friendships into my life in a very long time, and this video made me start to consider that trust is likely the reason for that. I’m naturally distrustful of new people, and though what you said may not apply to me in my current relationships, it got me to seriously think about trust issues regarding my decade-long relationship dry spell. So truly, thank you. And for the record, I appreciate that you take the time to really think about the proper wording for what you want to say. I can see the struggle and the emotion behind it, and it’s wonderful to see someone on this platform be so open and honest, but careful to phrase something in exactly the right way.

Whatever it is you are going through, I hope you are able to come through it stronger and more at peace than you were before. Please take care of yourself Hannah!

Thank you for being publicly vulnerable - this is never fun to talk about but it is important for people to know it is normal.

Thank you. This journey for me has taken a long time but everything you said in this video is exactly how the people in my circle treat me and are to themselves. my man for exampel, love of my life, i kept doubting him in the beginning due to past hurt but once i sat down time and again and just acknolwedged my needs, asked him to listen, he received my message, and would respect and respond to me, and the act accordingly...the more it just becomes intuition. you'll get to a point where you are comfortable enough to just verbal vomit your feelings but always ask first. bc when you ask your spouse, friend, loved , anyone who loves you, to listen to you, for any reason , it shows you respect their boundaries and time. don't just expect them to drop their life for you. again well put on the whole it needs to go back and forth. but yea. you can't control another person, so don't even think about the 'what ifs'. you'll find out sooner or later if they are worthy of your trust and eventual love.

Hannah, your timing is impeccable and very much appreciated ❤️

I deeply appreciate the thoughtful tone of this video and it's message AND... I keep getting distracted by those arms! Damn Harto, looking strong!

THIS!!!! Thank you for breaking this down so well! Its so hard and heart breaking but sooooo needed!

i reallllllllly love this video. thank you for being so open and relatable tbh..

I love authentic Hannah. Thank you for caring to share this on RU-vid and for being you 🖤

I don't really have much to say, I just feel like this video deserves more than a like. Thank you for touching my heart and for reminding me what my trust in others is worth. I'm glad to be a subscriber of yours!

I really value hearing this from you. I have trust issues that run deep - familial stuff and personal (failed) relationships where trust was broken far too many times. I kept trying to pick up the jagged pieces though. I’m glad I can say that i finally stopped doing that. But I still don’t know who I can trust and it’s been very tough to find chosen family who meet me at my level. I think i trust myself now. through therapy and growth, I keep inching closer to wherever I’d like to be. It’s just a work in progress and it sucks to get stuck in the response phase of trust, particularly when it comes to accepting that I have needs too.

Damn.. This really echoes what I've been going through this year and even in the last week especially. I really appreciate these videos! I'm 27 now and I started watching Hannah years ago, before I even came out. I love seeing the channel evolve and how we all grow together.

Thank you so much Hannah, I didn't know i needed this kind of talk. I'm about to have a conversation with a newfound friendship and the title called upon me. Your empathy and realness calmed me down to whatever it may come.

This resonated so much and I’m so grateful to you for putting it into words.

I have struggled with trust because of the amount of times I've been hurt, but I am trying to learn to open up and let myself be comfortable with being vulnerable and showing my authentic self to others

Oof. This is my first holiday without my parents and I'm pre-anxious about how I'll feel. But also working on boundaries with my partner...this had a lot of things I needed to hear. I've received, now I'll be hiding in the dark reflecting.

This video is what I needed. I probably shouldn't do this publicly, but here we are. I don't trust myself in anything. I don't trust that I can receive, I take a step back and just let people do whatever. I don't trust my brain to be right or for possible healing (depression etc). I don't feel safe with myself. So how do I trust anyone else? Even when they are trustworthy. So am I the broken pot?

I can’t imagine how difficult it was for you to film this, but I think it’s what a lot of people will need to hear. Thank you for putting these thoughts/emotions into words. I hope your holiday season is full of people that wholeheartedly love and support you. You deserve it❤️💜

Woah. Really needed to hear that bit about contempt being the relationship killer today. Thank you for sharing!

Dearest Hannah, you remind me so much of my wife, and as someone who has a lot of issues, anxiety and chronic illness, I'm so glad that you accepted Ella for who she is, and you found her. you have an amazing sun within you, and we're all lucky to have you, in whatever capacity that means, RU-vid etc. I truly thought I would die without finding someone who truly saw me, but my wife is accepting in the most amazing way, while also not saying I can't improve or function. I'm a person to her. I'm not just my illness. It's beautiful and it's a rare quality. Thank you for sharing your life with us.

Oh man, I felt this so much. Thank you for stating what should be the obvious, but it's not for most of us, I'm sure. Something I've struggled with myself most definitely. Thank you

I feel trust is something I have struggles with my entire life. And as of lately being a single mom I feel like it has become even harder. I feel like trusting my self/decisions worst. I feel like Ialways trust the wrong people.Thank you for this. I have been watching your channel for a long time and a lot of your videos have gotten me through some hard times through laughter specially when I needed it the most.

Hmm, this is an interesting topic. I’m not sure it’s about trust, but more about relationships and conflict in those relationships. I just came out of a relationship where my ex monkey branched from our relationship into a new one. After 8 years, I thought I knew him and wasn’t really expecting this kind of behaviour out of him. It made me question everything I knew about myself and my judgment. In the break up, I thought I’d lost my ability to trust other people as well as myself. And nearly 6 months later, I’m doing much better at that, now hanging out with people who are much more supportive of me than that guy ever was. I’m learning and thriving, now. And this horrible thing that happened, I can now look back and be glad that girl “stole” my boyfriend, because she rescued me from something that wasn’t right for me and something I wasn’t trusting myself enough to leave even though I had seen the warning signs.

Umm, thank you Hannah. I really didn't know how much I needed to hear this.

What perfect timing, thanks boo. 10:39 Everyone stay safe and warm during the holidays.

Absolutely love you Hannah! Thank you so much for making this video.

Thank you so much for sharing this. I think there’s a lot of us that really needed to hear it right now ❤️

I felt the exasperated shrug in my soul. Every year I have to stand there and hold those boundaries firm against the guilt and the pressure. I walked away from that. It was the best thing I ever did for my mental health. Do they try to drag me back every single year and it turns me into a temporarily sobbing mess? Yes. Will I let break me? Never again.

This was great, especially the trust yourself part, I have people I trust by now, I am so grateful to have learned and chosen these people carefully. Right now I am working on properly reflecting on my own energy and time, trusting my gut to know more sometimes than my mind how to plan and manage my time. Managing my own expectations towards myself and not always planning too much and crashing because I am exhausted, so still working on trusting my gut in weekly planning :D and although this was about trusting others it weirdly connected to my topic as well. So thanks 💙

I trusted someone and got badly hurt ,so now have become very weary of folk,my late partner always said trust is a two way thing,I trusted her totally. Thankyou for this talk Hannah 👍

Love you, Hannah! Thanks for the video. Trying to decide on some relationships right now.

This put it into coherent words. Thank you. I needed to hear this too I hope you're taking care of you. Love

Trust is hardest for me ... I have a small circle in my life..this video is great and just good to hear.

"Let it break". Yeah, I hear you

Hannah, thank you so much for discussing this.

Many things you said punched me right in the gut. I have given so much of myself, and not received much back , for so many years. To use you analogy, my fingers have been bleeding all over the place- perhaps even raw from picking up too many shards of brokenness and I want to admit that the fucking vase is shattered. I am in so much denial it is overwhelming. Hungry for some reciprocation that just isnt there. Well done, Hannah. I do enjoy your silly videos, but I love these more serious and vulnerable ones so very much. Cheers to you and happy belated birthday. Mine is on Wednesday.

I am very thankful to you for making this video and sharing it with us ♥

Thank You for trying to get across something extremely hard to communicate. I hope the right people listen, I wish everyone did🙂

You are a precious and sweet person I hope your chosen people are good this holiday season

I already feel like crying. Its interesting all these youtubers i was drawn to over the years are now coming out revealing we have similar family issues and mental health struggles but they never talked about it before. You are really drawn to things you know and want, good and bad.

I feel like the internet is calling out at me now throwing a ton of videos like this at me. Thank you for making this!

WOOOOOW this came to me at a very pivotal time in my healing journey. Hoooolllyyyy shit, I am one of the many that needed to hear this. Thank you so much.

Thank you for being so honest. Much love.

Ummm have you been looking at my therapy notes? Trusting myself, establishing and keeping boundaries, etc. One thing I have learned and can add is that people who react with anger/defensiveness when you calmly and respectfully express your boundaries are probably people who benefitted from you not having them before. Sometimes it takes time to transition. Sometimes they are not going to willingly make the change. You have to know who is worth the time and repeat conversations. Edited to add: nervous about big boundary changes? Try a small one first. See what kind of reaction comes from that to better prepare for larger boundaries. So much easier said than done.

I saw this video in my feed but kept not clicking on it for whatever reason. Well. After another tumultuous conversation with my mother earlier today… I think I heard this right when I needed to. Sometimes you have to just admit the pot is broken.