I know right I was watching this video and surprizingly it helped me understand what I went through better. I also never got the talk on how to handle bullies. The difference between a criticism and a hater is also enlightening.
I don’t have time for people and their insecurities, spirits , jealous(y), passive aggressive behavior, etc. I can be social, but I prefer my own company.
The highest compliment you can get from a Hater is silence 🙏 When everyone has something nice to say but that one person stays quiet, you know you're crushing it.
However, what I think is unfortunate is when you see the mask fall off the faces of family members who you “would think” have your best interests at heart, but instead are secret haters who’ve Been exposed when good things happen for you and they are ALL, silent.
@@Phoenix-tq8lt jealousy is something that can be worked through and dismissed within a few minutes of deep thought and decision. Doesn't make sense to be jealous.
I had a coworker that didn’t know what I did on my free time after work and I never mentioned my social activities and she always says things I’m crazy and a drug addict and I need to slow down and I’m too crazy with drugs/drinking and she was an ex BAD alcoholic and her husband was on multiple drugs and she went into debt. She tried to act like her life was perfect and mine was horrible but everything she said about me was how she is
Yup. I had this girl in my class tell me everyday how terrible I was and why. One day, she ran out of breath and I said," You really need to stop talking about yourself all the time." She almost punched me but an instructor walked by at that moment and asked, "Everything okay?" They were looking at her raised fist then her face. "Yeah, I'm okay." I said, and the other girl had to go back to doing her work.
People that are constantly worried about or judging or sabotaging somebody’s success or planning to throw a monkey wrench in other peoples plans or being fake is a hater
over the last couple of weeks I had to realise, that I was the hater in my friend group and that I projected so many of my insecurities onto my friends and the people I believed I cared about. By now I have lost several good friends and know that I really need to change things and work on myself.
Never thought I'd see this realization coming from a (former) hater. Good job with the self awareness. We all learn and grow. You got this!!❤🙌🏽 I'm curious, how have you noticed others behave once you've hated? Do they snap back and say something or get angry, or just stop talking...?
2:18 I used to have a coworker like this. She would go out of her way literally countless times PER DAY to pick on me and harass me over stuff that literally didn’t matter. Then when I brought pies to a work potluck, she helped herself to TWO pieces, & then had the nerve to tell me they were “okay.”
I had a coworker like this for a whole 14 years. Constant harassment and hating. Putting down/belittling my work as often as she could, but then asking me to help with hers. I was way too nice for way too long.
Yes. I found that if I then turn around to people like her and just speak harsh truth, putting them down where warranted and showing no inkling of caring what they think or say, then suddenly they become the shaky weak one with not much to say, but then beware of their sabotage !!
Hi, I used to give that vibe off. I just talk less and let trouble happend. People come and ask for help, than i deliver simple advice. Not my job to overthink or give lessons to help them. I hope it will help you by helping other a bit "less". Take care.
if they had been nice you probably would've trained them in how to think like you do and be able to figure things out for themselves. But by being jerks they missed out on that extra help and self improvement. And by you being smart and taking a step back you let them show their incompetence and your usefulness to the company picking them back up when they fell. making you most likely to be promoted and in power over the bullies. Very smart not just work skills but also strategically
It seems like people "hate" more on the internet versus in real life. Is it the anonymity behind user names? Projection? Shadow self? All the above? Always baffles me how some can hate people they don't know in real life. There are people that aren't my cup of tea, but I don't "hate" them in the sense that I want them to suffer. I just avoid them. No one's forcing me to watch their channels, their movies, or to interact with them. *shrugs
Basically it's because of the anonymity people have on the internet. It sort of removes any consequences for actions because of the fact people cannot be punished for their behaviour in any way which may affect their offline lives. I think it's also projection to an extent, insecurities and a lack of self worth are common denominators to this behaviour (Though not always true of all haters)
I would say they act exactly the same in real life like they do on the internet, I know a lot of people hating me just coming in to a room and have no idea why, I think the reason why some people think it's more on the internet has to do with hierarchy, those lower on the hierarchy ladder actually know how people are because the dirt always flows down, authorities don't fake nice because they think they can't use this person anyway so lets h4rm them. However on the internet don't know who anyone is so the true nature of people comes to everyone's knowledge because they don't know who you are, so you become a person they can't use anyway by being fake nice, I hope this makes sense.
I think it’s important to stand up for yourself and not be a door mat, but I also say don’t let others determine your character. Don’t stoop to their level bc that’s ultimately what they’re wanting. Don’t give them the satisfaction. Like that saying “do no harm, but take no shit”. Stand up for yourself, but also don’t waste your energy on someone who is determined to be right or mean or whatever it is that they’re doing. It’s very telling on their character. Two wrongs don’t make a right.
@@Phoenix-tq8ltYes. Me too I think. Easy target because of HFA which was my path from day one. A virtual orphan from a big family, starting at a distinct handicap despite the attributes. Only those who get to actually know us, can see our qualities and rejoice in them. Which does not include narcissistic ego maniacs.
i hope that didnt come off as sarcastic in a demeaning way, i meant moreso to poke fun at myself. this is genuinely really informative, i loved the video. i had a question: i once watched a lecture on transference therapy, where the presenter described how he handled a narcissistic client's projection by accepting it. in theory, this was to show the narcissistic person that being whatever trait they're suppressing doesn't "annihilate" somebody--people are nuanced. the provider could be whatever terrible trait the narcissist was afraid of being, and still remain within his current standing. i was wondering: do you use different strategies for handling projection or tranference in therapy? if the topic interests you, i would love to see a video on different ways to handle projection in practice. you're the bomb!!
I had a couple of colleagues from another department literally “shoo” me away like a dog from a communal area, told me to leave when I joined a group of them at the work Christmas party because I was “too cool” for them and another got angry because I got served before them at a very busy bar. I was an intern and only wanted to impress and get on well with everyone. I wish I had known this then!
When I was a teenager, I spent an exchange year in France. Unfortunately, most people at my new school seemed to dislike me right away, and I quickly became the laughing stock of the entire school. They would make fun of my accent, my enthusiasm and the mistakes I made when I spoke. I think I was ridiculed simply because I was different. Everyone at that school seemed to be willing to go to great lengths in order to fit in and pretend they were so cool and didn't care about anything or anyone. I was open-minded, curious and cheerful. Most people thought that was a ridiculous attitude to have. Thankfully, I had a few friends and a very good relationship with my teachers. And thanks to my hard work and curiosity, I left France with the ability to speak the language fluently.
That’s so interesting. Seems that you were way too cool for that school. Your exuberance was threatening. Happy that the teachers jived with you, what an experience that must have been!!
Seriously you would instantly be my friend and I would be very glad to hang out and share some laughs and enthusiasm. The uncool were always my best friends like unpolished diamonds..🙋☺️
When someone’s eating, it’s rude to say their food looks disgusting. You teach children to be more polite. Maybe she was offended because of that. It’s can be as simple as not having been treated politely.
The reaction didn't match the crime. This is the point she is making. A healthy individual wouldn't give a damn what somebody thought of what they were eating. Its insignificant psychologically. Its only significant because of conditioning or wounds.
@@hoobeshoobesbut she did take accountability- she said she didn’t have any tact and it wasn’t socially appropriate, but she’s also absolutely correct. This isn’t a war crime or an abusive action. It’s just a moment of lacking awareness of what is appropriate. Her friend’s reaction was absolutely overdone.
We are all just mirrors reflecting people back to them selves, to help each other grow. So people who don’t like themselves very much will not like you. Especially if they haven’t realized this whole mirror thing yet.
I’m laughing because I definitely called out someone like this recently - why is it usually a friend of a friend? When they try to justify their comments, don’t get swept up in their word salad (obfuscating). They’re just being an asshole.
Is projection what leads to identifying a scapegoat, especially in a situation where numerous persons are insecure about the same thing/person? This is very dark but explains a lot.
I’d like to think of a world that didn’t have haters. But it’s been my experience since the beginning of time. I self isolate a lot and just refrain from making tons of “friends”.
I consider myself an expert with haters. I’ve dealt with male friend haters, and then I’ve had girlfriends that almost seem like they want to be me, when you are charismatic with a high IQ and good looking, he’s going to experience haters
We have a saying in Russian, "кто как обзывается, тот так называется" - literally "name callers say their own names". Too bad this saying is viewed as childish and cringe, especially because Putin said it. Not many folk sayings can hold water, and apparently this one does, despite everything.
A big reason to want to clap back to someone is because they actually hit a nerve. Would probably be projection if you built up resentment and then said “oh, looks like I hit a nerve”
I needed this I have a coworker who tells me everyday. Today I walk in with almost empty coffee" wow it's all ice now, no coffee" but in a rude tone- to which I said yes it's time to throw it away in the same tone . Then she starts laughing before startup and says "your clipboard is soo messy" to which I said" it's organized for me and gave her a dirty look. It's my fault- I let her slide so many times, but she will learn. I get to exercise my boundary muscle. Thank you for sharing your gem of wisdom ❤️
The irony here is people proclaiming to be unapologetic haters in this commen section. aka telling on themselves how fragile their egos are to be annoyed or bothered by everything.
People will say they are just being honest when the bigger issue is that they have no filter and no tact, or just being abusive. If it’s not helpful nor kind keep it to yourself. Honesty is not always the best policy.
I loved this video because I feel like I learned a lot. Including that the way someone makes you feel when they hate on you is their very own projection. I may have to come back and listen two or three more times. 🌹🌹
Love the video, I'm starting Psychology at University in September and your videos are really informative! I think after the hating/bullying I've experienced, that it makes a ton of sense people are projecting their deepest insecurities from their shadow selfs onto others, to potentially make themselves "feel better" or along those lines. Keep up the great work Dr Ana!
This video couldn't have popped up at a better time! I'm on my lunch break crying because my toxic manager was just picking me apart and saying my Tendencies are that of somebody who's mentally ill knowing very well that I do go to therapy Thanks Anna ❤
this is very interesting topic! noticing such stuff in other people helps me to notice it in myself. also it helps so much in understanding where the person is coming from mentally, so you don't take some (or even a lot) things personally. i would be glad if you'd do more videos about it
No they are not "always angry". Please stop the misleading diagnoses. Narcs are often very smug and happy and very popular in the right circles. They often don't get angry but instead get revenge or cause you grief.
I wanted to share this but the commercial in the middle of it broke the flow and I feared the message would have been lost. I'm not hating. It was a great explanation. Thank you.
Wow, you are so good at explaining this. I finally get it! The shadow self. The hidden from personal view self. The one we deny to acknowledge. THAT'S why it shows up!
lol! Deadman’s cove is exactly the kind of name that would be in WA State… I lived there too for years… hahaha… people just want to play the game of hookem… where the want to see how angry they can make you… it’s the hooks that keep people engaged
Wow I didn’t know that was what a hater was I thought it was someone who was just jealous or envious that they had to do something and someone else didn’t have to do that thing to get whatever it is and that really made them a hater
It’s a slippery slope to be careful of. Controlling narcissists who are inherently insecure about everything will accuse their partner of doing this to stonewall any feedback about their partnering style- especially when they’re being called out for neglect.
this video made me come to an epiphany. several years ago my MIL and i were having a spat, and she later complained to my husband behind my back about how i have a messed up sense of love because my parents sleep in separate beds (my parents very much love each other and sleep in separate beds because they both snore at 1000db). i never said anything about it but inside i was so insulted, like wth do you know about my parents?? how dare you?? MIL and i have always had a great relationship and she is such a sweet person, it was really unlike her to say something like that. after watching this i realized that that was a reflection of her own insecurity -- she got divorced when my husband was 4 and she's never had a stable relationship since. meanwhile my marriage with my husband has outlasted hers at this point and my parents have been happily married for 30 years. it makes so much sense now! (p.s. she and i have made up and we still get along really well)
Uhh the sushi story…it probably wasn’t because she didn’t like the sushi that day 😪 she was probably teased a lot for having traditional food …maybe that was the trigger.
Thank you for the clear distinctions. I’ve recently been feeling that a close friend is hating under the guise of criticizing and your dystopian cations confirmed my feelings. I will definitely trust my feels. ♥️
The roughest hater I have experienced had OCPD. I've experienced a lot of antagonist stuff from more contrarian types, but flat out OCPD was just so disruptive to getting anything done. Just hovering and controlling and hypercritical of the smallest detail, no matter how much it interfered with the big picture.
Interesting topic and based on my own experience this holds up. Sometimes people express their shadow in a more indirect way too. 1:12 A third category to note that is also almost just as important as constructive criticism and hater abuse is the expression of opinion and this can go either direction where you could see helpful advice or ridicule. What's hard is when the line between both blurs and your mind can't sort it into either category. Sometimes someone with hater traits can get to you and cause you to introject their belief just because they expressed their opinion with right enough delivery.
Damn as the oldest male of 6 males & narcissistic family I needed this so much would love to hear more on how to handle haters & narcissists which are practically one in the same
People like to call any and everyone a hater rather than actually deciphering what is being said and seeing if it is true or not. And possibly changing ones self
I'm trying to figure this out. It is fascinating. Thank u for creating it. So I'm trying to figure out why a hater would choose my cat to pick on. She said he was ugly bcuz he only has one eye. She also said something else. My mother has passed and it's devastating to me. It's been 10 years. I shared with her my mom's favorite flower was the iris. Months later in a conversation she mentioned she thinks iris's r the ugliest flower on the planet. I'm very sensitive and she knows this. I don't understand why tho.
I was a socially awkward 10 year old trying to think of something to say. Can't even admit to making a faux pas 17 years ago on the internet these days lmao
I think the example of the sushi is something to be careful with. You don't know how someone is feeling especially when it comes to food you never know. Your friend could have been dealing with something alot deeper than just the sushi problem given the intense reaction. All love ❤
About the sushi thing, all my childhood i was told its like the rudest thing to say to a person their food is gross so i get it that she got pissed, maybe its an education thing
Nice Job. I typically Freeze when haters project with Left field insults. It’s like I can’t believe they would say or question that? Like why? I realize you just never know with people. Expect nothing.
When I feel annoyed by everyone saying demure the last 2 weeks for literally everything, does that make me a hater or just an old person who can’t stand trends 😂
