I know you probably feel like you are alone and talking to a camera, but you have a bunch of people here watching and listening and we are sending good vibes , praying and generally have your back. I just know you are going to be ok. Keep making these videos because you are educating people, reaching people and doing good works. One day I hope you can realize what an impact you are having on society. Sending a hug ( unless that feels too creepy) .. LoL
The system is not designed to support and rehabilitate people, only to punish them........ it's heartbreaking. I'm glad that you have managed to stay clean in spite of it all
" the system is not designed to support and rehabilitate people, only to punish them" wow, that is exactly true and so powerful to notice and say, I wonder what it would be like if even all of us people on let's say even just this channel banned together and really made a change, maybe protest or flood the government with letters detailing how to help people and how to establish programs that do and we explore therapies that really work, I wonder what that would look like. We have far more power than we are a we are of. The government should ideally be for the benefit of it's people, not for the l of ve of money or power, and to care adequately for people is to care for ALL people, not just the wealthy, influential, and powerful, but for the homeless crack addict, but for the man or woman working three jobs with only four hours of sleep to help feed their families and children, for the mentally ill, for the person with disabilities althat can't do things for themselves. You've got to make a choice: to love and care for ALL people, without judgement or delay. I think we should ban together and flood the government with constructive ways to help people instead of just letting them roy in prison leading miserable lives. Gotta care about all people. I really wonder if we could do this
65y/o RN here … been binging a few of your videos as you are my “there but for the grace of God go I” story. Sent to tx for etoh got out and my solution to no alcohol was drugs. Did that for years and was arrested at work. Ugggh! Luckily that was enough for me and days in jail was enough to let me know I’m not a jail person. Luckily my state has a program for healthcare addicts and that kept me straight for 5yrs. On my own now no strings or random tests and I feel safe. Went from ED to telephone triage and case management. Zero access to drugs. You’re not alone. There are sooooooo many of us out here. Keep reaching out. Be honest and real. You got this right now and you if you don’t then turn on computer and stream live …. and we will surround and support you. ❤
I don’t know how or why RU-vid recommended your channel though I am so glad they did. You are teaching me a lot. I have never been around many drugs, though I have tried a few in the past at parties. I can imagine how challenged you are in your home confinement. I love to be at home though I know that is because I have a CHOICE. Last summer, I broke my ankle and after surgery I spent 8 weeks at a friend’s house in her guest suite bed. I couldn’t walk so couldn’t go anywhere for many, many days and it took a great deal of patience, which is not my strong suit, to survive without temper tantrums or going crazy! She recommended a book to me and I’m recommending it to you. It is called A Gentleman in Moscow, and about a man who is imprisoned in his home. Your videos are very interesting and I look forward to more of your stories. You seem like a wonderful person. I would give you a huge hug if I could!!!!
I know you may feel lonely at times, but I hope that we as your viewers can give you some of that connection you crave! You are such a genuine person and we love hearing and learning from you and value your stories so much :)
Hello my friend.. I absolutely loved your video this week.. I am so proud of you and your sobriety journey. I totally understand what you were talking about when you were saying isolation is terrible. After I had my stroke and I was sent home.. I had no friends.. all my friends were in my addiction. I obviously could not associate with them anymore. It made me so depressed that I didn’t have connections with other people. I had my parents so grateful for that.. but they don’t get it to the full extent. And it’s so hard as we get older to make new friends and connections… I am still learning everyday. Been sober since 1/3/2022 I am still encountering new things and learning. It’s really really hard. I give you so much props for what you are doing with your channel.. and I can see you have quite a few new subs. That’s amazing!!! Thanks for sharing your experiences.. keep up the great work.. Just Keep Swimming my friend 💜
Jen, you are awesome. I hope you are finding those healthy connections today. Sober since 1/3/2022! That's a big deal. you have some real time under your belt. That comes with real growth and insight. If you are ever feeling down or need some support, feel free to email me: smilesformilescontact@gmail.com You inspire me so much!!
I really liked what you said about finding some confidence in recovery - I’m an alcoholic first and foremost but drugs were creeping up on me before my recovery started and I can relate to the idea of being an addict with alcohol as my DOC. And while I still identify that way, I am not addicted to anything anymore (well… coffee). I’m a recovering alcoholic. You can’t turn a pickle back into a cucumber but I do believe in myself. I trust myself. I love sobriety so I trust that I won’t drink or use again so long as I take care of myself. A lot of my AA fellows have that mindset of confidence = a dangerous slippery slope and while I can see the point of how they can look so similar, I also treasure my confidence in sobriety! I’m happy, I’m not held back in life because I fear a drink or drug. I’m at peace. Best wishes to you. ❤❤
Brian, you inspire me and many others to keep going. I literally feel like you’re speaking my own thoughts. I’m on paper til Sept of this year due to some dumb things I did while addicted. Even tho I have been clean for 2.5 years and that was 3 years ago, here I am paying for it now that I’m actually clean. I lost my dad very unexpectedly a year ago. He was my rock, my comfort, and my world has been very unstable since. Even thru all of that, I have remained clean. I have not even contemplated drugs despite these being 2 of the 3 hardest challenges I have ever been thru. The other most difficult thing was getting clean. I’m glad I was clean and my dad was able to see me clean. I was pretty newly clean at the time he passed and I made a promise to him and to myself that I would not backslide, and I would keep improving. I, too, am amazed that one day I just had enough and that was it, I never looked back. It was HARD,hard, hard getting clean. But my life is so much more peaceful now and I know I’ll complete my sentence from the state without issue. It’s the last thing I have to tie up from that past part of my life! Hang in there. I love your channel and a lot of us do feel very lonely and certainly like no one understands. WE understand and we are here for you! Hang in there ❤
Wow. Thank you so much for sharing that. I got teary eyed reading it. I relate a lot to your story. I’m so happy to hear that you’ve lost the desire for all that stuff. Even though the road can be rough, I’m so grateful that I’ve lost the desire. And what you said about stuff you did before you were sober and paying for it now! I am right there with you! I’ve been done with it all for 2 1/2 years but still paying for it 😅 Im excited for you to get off paper! 🎉🥳 I’ll get off the ankle monitor in September too (still some parole to do though). But we’re doing it! You are awesome. I’m so glad you wrote this ❤️❤️
Quit meth and coke in 2004, drinking in 2011, and smoking in 2017. I do nothing now, not even weed (never was a fan). Hope you are always able to stay clean and sober yourself. Big hugs ❤
I have experienced addiction, corrections and am a nurse. I understand your frustration. I am so happy you have access to RU-vid. With a bit of luck you get support your physical plant doesn’t offer. The ankle monitor and halfway house has a limited timeline. You are strong, smart and it seems determined. Wishing you strength and peace. I believe you have great potential!
Never tried a drug in my life aside from alcohol, and never got drunk (controlfreak🤣) but I love these kinds of video's somehow. I'm drawn to them because I find it interesting how different people's brains/addiction works. And you are very good at explaining and selfreflection. Anyway I just wanted to show you some support. You probably help lots of people watching!
So I just started the video, paused at :27 and thought I would take a stab at what's keeping you sober. Conditions of home monitoring and overall parole compliance - no dirty drops! I believe that is a top 3, if not #1 external circumstance influencing your decision to remain sober. Another external influence is the people in your life whether close as a parent or a child, or the viewers of your channel...accountability! This can be dangerous. These outside influences can be manipulated by the recovering mind and convince themselves these are their reasons and internalize them, taking responsibility for the way others perceive them. In the end you can't be sober for DOC, YT, baby, boo, ma, pa or anyone else. Believe in yourself. Believe life is enjoyable. Believe you don't need drugs. Believe that life is more valuable and rewarding while sober and in control of all that you are allowed to control. Of course internal factors like fear play a huge part of the ability to recover. Understand what is feared, determine whether it is justifiable by legitimate danger, or is it based on fantasy/what if...fear of the unknown. Peace to you and yours.
@smilesformiles2024 Your videos are awesome. I have gone down a rabbit hole watching all of them. Thanks for the motivation. I'm curious are you in a sober living facility? Looks like a nice place. Great work and stay strong 1 day at a time!
Loving yourself is about having faith and trust in yourself. I spent my whole life hating myself, I didn’t think it was possible to ever love me, I didn’t now how to do it! With help from a healer and talking through my story, I was able to put all of the self doubt aside and see the qualities I didn’t believe or see before. With self love comes a faith in yourself and confidence, it makes you stronger. I agree I don’t think that being confident in your ability to stay clean is not about being realistic. If the time comes, like you say that a slip up happens and your desire to use is there again, then it’s there again. However being in the right mind set and being proud of yourself is extremely important, without faith and hope what do you have, you have everything you Loose right?
Nurse Nancy here. I'm a jail nurse and see far too many people who we call frequent flyers or repeat customers. It's just too easy to get drugs. I hate our open borders and the junk flooding into our communities. It's heartbreaking to see the wasted lives and their loved ones grieving over the fallout of addiction. Years ago I worked in NICU and cared for drug-addicted babies. Day three is the worst! the guttural screams that come from these little lives is something I will never, ever forget. Lord have mercy. My thoughts and prayers are with you, my friend. I wish you all the best. You're doing a good thing to produce and post these videos.
Its almost like they want you to relapse just to go back to prison. Keep your head up! You're amazing and very good to listen to. You have good character and good looks. You're gonna be amazing, just be patient. Keep Fu**ing going!
Hi Brian I just found your channel and I am working my way through your videos. I just wanted to comment on the beginning of this video. There is something you left out although I am sure you realized this as you were thinking things over. The reason why it seems like the legal system isn't following the list of things that make it a bit easier to go through recovery is because that is not how our legal system was setup. Unfortunately it was only setup to punish. This is why we need real universal government rehabilitation, etc. for non violent criminals. We need government reform with accountability of course. Please continue to do what you need to be doing to stay clean and be healthy. You should know it's not just the drugs you were taking but the combination alone has a major impact on the heart and other organs. Just meth alone does. I've known a few friends who had a relative in recovery and a few years later major heart issues appeared. Two of the three I've known about passed away from heart attacks and both were males in their early 30's. Please remember your are staying clean not only to stay clean but to live. ❤
Peace and comfort are better than a frenetic life that only makes you sick and tired. One day at a time. Would asking for another area to check-in each week be allowed?
Kratom is a plant from Southeast Asia that functions a lot like an opiate. It’s different for everyone, but for me it is indistinguishable from Vicodin or Norcos. It’s legal in the US and you can buy it at most head shops
Good question. I do have a job. That’s basically the main thing that I am allowed to do, go to work. I work a dead-end job at a warehouse. Hopefully not for long though 😅
I am doing ok. I think I’m figuring out how to be clean and feel good, despite the circumstance I’m in. If you are struggling and need someone to talk to hit me up: smilesformilescontact@gmail.com
My personal opinion is that he is far away from that. He needs to recovery fully while not under any type of supervision from the judicial system. He needs to really learn how to stay away from all drugs for at least 5 years before he can start thinking of helping others.
@@rosieposie9564 Everyone with a little sobriety wants to suddenly save the world. I agree with your statement. His sobriety is too early as he is still being supervised by Johnny Law. There's an incentive. Until he is completely free from supervision, it will be seen or tested. One part that brings me to that feeling is he is here, telling the world, his knowledge of sobriety. The ppl with the sobriety I admire the most are so humble and quiet. I don't feel you work your sober path, your program, online. At ten years I didn't even know a lot about myself. Thought I did. The ego is a very tricky mindset. That true shame you share is a very private matter, I feel also. And, he is monetized now too. Again, just my humble opinion. Is there a part of his ego fed by all the nice words he receives. IDK? It is his path to see. It's like a Rock Star saying they have got it and a year later they're out there or worse yet gone. Anonymity is a very deep and spiritual matter.
@@rosieposie9564 I did not delete it yet I cannot see my response anymore. Hmm? That is odd. I agreed with your post as it took years, years for me to begin to understand the extent an ego will go. In none of his shares, also I have yet to hear he has a sponsor. IMHO this kind of sharing, if one is following a program, that person would think long and hard about what they are doing. Again, Anonymity is a deeply held spiritual belief. I believe you understand me.
I want to let you know that I so appreciate your candor and vulnerability . I love that you are using this opportunity to share your struggles and your recovery with others. From one Bay Area nurse to another, I support you.
I am an RN also, I cannot imagine what it must be like for you to have lost your career. That’s huge in itself, let alone the list of your in-laws, your wife, your freedom…. The challenges you have faced are massive, yet in this short time your insight, clarity and the way you have been able to take responsibility, then articulate it to the public is really a credit to you. I’ve only watched two of your videos, yet I will continue to watch as I feel you have so much to offer the community and feel that maybe this is your calling. I’m really standing beside you and I am so very proud of the steps you have taken to improve your wellbeing, take control of your life and step forward in order to help others understand the mind if an addict. The stereotypical drug user, down and out on the street is not relatable to so many who want to get clean, not all users end up in that situation, so many are hiding behind their status in society, teachers, drs, businessmen, lawyers etc, addiction does not only effect one particular group within society, it’s everywhere across the board and no one is immune. So I believe that someone like yourself who was of good standing in this world, who is a regular guy, but fell victim to the pitfalls of addiction, is relatable for those who are not your “regular, typical, stereotypical” user. There are not many professionals, who have fallen from grace are willing to share their story, in fear of shame and judgement. I’m really proud of you and the industry of nursing has obviously lost a very intelligent, kind, open minded person, which is really sad. ❤
Love your storytelling and sense of hope. Struggling with having quit the best job I ever had while messing around with xanax and adderall hardcore, but you make me realize healing is possible.
I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that. It sounds like you are feeling a bit stuck. You know what? Life happens and we sometimes end up in situations that we didn’t plan on being in. It just means that you are human. And I’m positive that you have the strength in you to get untangled from the stuff that is causing you issues and you will be stronger than you ever were before you went through it. And you’ll get an even better job than the one you had 🙂 If you are struggling and need someone to talk to shoot me an email ❤ smilesformilescontact@gmail.com
I’ve been off of heroin / fentanyl since 12/10/22. I’m now 6 weeks clean from subvoxone. I’m determined to stay clean. Especially,now that I have a pacemaker and 3 artificial valves. Now I’m afraid that I’ll never be able to feel normal again.
My son had a drug induced asthma attack on Christmas morning 2023… It was horrific. Without getting into it, I don’t have a problem with using meds to help someone with substance use disorder…. I would take it any day. my son was in chronic pain and you can’t get help with that if you’ve ever been addicted to narcotics…. Our whole system sucks. And I miss him, so fucking much.😢. He was the best kid, ever. I was always so proud of him. Always. Anyway, congratulations on your sobriety, but you know if you need the shot or whatever it’s so much better than using because everything out there is fent. And worse. I forget the name of the one that’s out so recently, that is even more deadly… 😢
I had a similar thing with alcohol. When i chose to stop drinking for months at a time, I still played gigs at bars and restaurants and breweries and was around it all the time. It never affected me. When I completely cut out hard alcohol 2 years ago, it was the same: friends doing shots at the Bar, patrons offering to buy me shots during my set, etc. It didn't tempt me at all. I can't speak for everyone whether they're addicts or "social drinkers/smokers" or what have ya, but I feel like we just grow out of things. Whether it's our bodies telling us to stop, or the lifestyle seeming less intriguing because of x y and z, or you're getting into fitness or whatever...I feel like our bodies tell us when enough is enough and we either choose to listen to it or pay the fee. Song of the week for me has been: "Uh Oh, Love Comes to Town" by the Talking Heads
Ok I'll be the first to admit this sounds so bad and vain, but hear me out. I'm super pretty, so I get all my drugs for free. You heard me, research chemicals mostly, ice, Adderall, heroin, it's a long story. I'm five years completely sober, no slip ups, but these past two days for some reason has been really, really super hard I just stayed in bed and locked my door and listened to science fiction by brand new. I can do this. I can't believe I said all that. I don't want to die, and I tend to have no limit or control unless I'm almost like a puritian about things, so when I do things I go so hard I nearly kill myself. I've been sober for seven years minus one slip up with coke, and five years completely sober, no slip ups. I could use someone to talk to idk. I hope you all find something to believe in and for god sakes, value yourself enough not to try something once and die
Hey, sorry I missed this until now. First of all…I love Brand New. Haven’t listened to Science Fiction yet but now you bet your ass I’m going to! Thanks for that. I know what you mean, the all or nothing mentality. That’s what landed me in prison 😅. 7 years is a long time. That’s way more time than I have, so I salute you. Thanks for being honest and open about your struggles. We all go through it. If you could use someone to talk to you can email me at my contact for this channel: smilesformilescontact@gmail.com
OK Brian, you are so right. The irony here is unbelievable regarding your current circumstances post release. Convicts reinstated to society are about as set up for failure as a T-rex. 😂 Btw, you are doing so well with this project. You just keep getting better and better! ❤❤❤❤❤
@SmilesforMiles2024 I would love that!! It feels kinda wrong for kindred spirits to be denied that privilege at some point. Yep, I'm pretty sure those are the rules. The Rules of Friends. I think you said one time you were in or from Canada?
@@My2centsarenecessary No, not Canada. I would like to visit Canada though. I’m from Lake Tahoe, California. But right now I’m stuck in Reno Nevada 😅 What part of the world are you in?
@SmilesforMiles2024 I'm in Washington. Idk where I got Canada from...sheesh. So you're just isolated kind of in a house prison. Do you have any friends or family there?!
Great video. The longer I stay sober the better things get. It's slower then I want and not always the way I would have planned, but overall it's better. Bought Chipotle the other day and got the guac. Life is pretty good
I really think that you speaking into the camera and sharing ur story is a form of therapy and rehab and will help keep union the recovery road!!!! Know that you are helping so many people out in the world just by being vulnerable and telling your story. Your story is so similar to so many of us!!!! Keep up the great work and keep on telling your story to the camera and speaking your truth. Ur truth has so much in common with many of us!!!!!!!
I just started following you...I can tell you're an educated guy...Good for you taking what you've learned and helping other people with your channel...Have u thought of being a drug counselor? You seem very empathetic❤
Hi Brian, I don't know if there would be any restrictions with your House Arrest or not, but you should consider having RU-vid Livestreams for us connect live with you and encourage you while rebuilding your life. With being more isolated in your current situation, I think that would be a great way to connect with your viewers as often as possible to assist in your recovery journey. Take care and have a great day.
I'm so glad you mentioned this. Ive never done anything like that before but I am really interested in figuring it out. You have encouraged me to give it a try :) Thank you so much!
As a mom, I feel so so proud of you Brian! We have a son who is in the beginning stages of addiction and we’re learning there isn’t much we can do to help him and we’re working on not enabling him. I mentioned your channel to him because I think he could really relate to you. He is even a guitar player. Keep doing what you’re doing. You are helping so many people, even giving hope to a mom like me. 💙
This was so touching to read. I can’t imagine how difficult it is to have to watch your child go through addiction. It’s so hard because there is so little that can be done. I feel for you. All my love goes out to you and your son and whole family. If there is anything I can do for you let me know. You can email me here: smilesformilescontact@gmail.com ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Yes, drugs are inanimate objects but they do have very much have power and control over us, even in recovery. It’s up to us to tell them no because they will call, and they do call and those of us that are addicts have to be ready with a plan when that happens. I’m over 21 years C&S and I still carry my plan with me everywhere I go.
@@MiffetBlue I understand what you’re saying !! I was speaking from my previous perspective with binge eating, which is definitely different than drugs. Congratulations on 21 years !! 😍🙌🏽🥳🥳🥳
I am in awe to everything youre saying. I literally just moved away from Reno. I can relate on so many levels to this whole video. I used meth and heroin as well, got arrested, now I've been clean for over 4 years. For what it's worth I am proud of you! Keep doing what you're doing! Keep your head held high when you walk down Wells or Valley into P&P and continue to inspire yourself.
Once you are a felon, it’s going to be really hard to find a job, or stay a medical professional. There is always this background test. And just to compare this with Europe, we don’t do that. Once you done your time, employers will require some good behavior certificate, but only in Areas they are allowed to, so if you are going to work with the elderly or Minors, you can’t have an assault or violent crime. If you are going to work in an office, they can’t request that for instance. However if you defrauded someone, then they can check on that. So it makes it easier to find jobs in other areas. Also there is an expiration date, it won’t show up forever. I could never understand, how you think people can restart their lives when they can’t find a job.
The most isolating time of my life was the deepest depressions I experienced in my breakdown year. I stared at the wall for hours and had almost no short term memory. Only left when required to leave. Isolation is a very strange, unnatural state in my experience. Necessary for short periods at times but unhealthy for long periods of time for me.
I watched a lot of your videos and I must say your positivity and honesty keeps me coming back for more. You are an amazing inspiration for those trying hard to recover from addiction! Keep posting your videos!
LOL. Honesty, yes. At least for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful to be out, because it affords me the opportunity to start rebuilding my life in ways that are just not possible behind the walls. But it was a lot less stressful in there. I appreciate your comment and kind words :)
It’s terrible that the system is set up like that. Bureaucracy at its finest. You are doing a great job with your channel. My son is 30 and has fought alcohol/pot addiction for years. As a mom my heart aches for you all. Keep up the great attitude, humor etc. When you get off house arrest look into sober coaching. Could be a great career choice. I had my neighbor listen to your friends band, he really enjoyed them. God bless, Sandy
I appreciate you watching and leaving a comment. Thanks for the kind words. I'm doing well :) In spite of all this stuff. Im actually really happy these days :) :) I hope this finds you having a great day!
@@SmilesforMiles2024 It’s the Truth. Many try to say that it’s a Disease but really in my opinion it’s Not. We went through trauma some of us have been through many traumas and we used in an attempt to block it out. We were trying to deal with it in our own way.
Well, selling drugs isn’t victimless. You have no way of knowing whether that one dose will end someone or do/did harm. I congratulate your honesty here and your time being sober. You said it yourself. You’re legally bound to be sober right now. I pray you continue on this path after all is said and done. I think you have a great shot at staying sober 👍🏻
I really appreciate your comment and your encouragement. When I said "victimless" I was just referring to the technical label of the crime. There were no "victims" in my criminal case, so technically they referred to my case as a "victimless crime." I completely take your point though. Doing and selling drugs is not a victimless affair, especially since we often aren't completely aware of what is in the drugs we are dealing with. That can end lives, and I am certainly not proud that I was a part of that whole scene. I think I will make a video on this, so thank you so much for bringing this up!! I appreciate you!
I would love to hear a video about the effects of addiction and the relationships around you (your wife/parents/coworkers etc). I think it’s important for people to hear those stories too, whether it’s a listener who’s been affected by or is addicted.
It gets easier. What I found was the most difficult was forming new healthy habits, dealing w being broke, and filling my free time NOT chasing dope. It's hard to meet new friends.
Hello Brian, I recently found out that a good friend of mine is going through a meth addiction and using other drugs. I want to help them but I'm not sure how. How did anyone help and support you through your ordeal? Please, I need some insights.
As fellow RN doesn’t the Nevada BRN offer some license with limitations? I worked at a Hospital Nevada with a nurse that had restrictions. She couldn't work past 23:00 and another RN passed all of her narcotics to her patients. Stay strong!
Yes there are definitely options for me to get back into nursing with restrictions. I'm just not sure I want to at this point. I think my life is taking a different direction now. Thank you for your work as an RN, and thank you for your comment :)
Brian, I was watching your video made about 7 months ago "Experiencing Real Freedom While Locked up". Please consider doing a video on dealing with the lack of Privacy while locked up. I can't imagine having a cellmate and having to use the toilet without any privacy. It would be interesting how you dealt with that lack of privacy.
I am glad I found your channel and sincerely thank you for sharing your story. I've said it before, but I believe you're on a hero's journey. One day at a time
So agree with all you say! Well done and your spot on! Its so hard when your friends and family dont have confidence in you! It hurts and then you have to build confidence!! You have to rely on yourself!X keep going x and yes its our strength! As we will never go back!
New sub and loving your content..I’m also in recovery, The day I got clean I wrote a quote “my determination to stay clean is stronger then my desire to use” felt like you were saying the same thing. 24 years of being an addict, I celebrated 6 years clean in Dec… I may be a strange but I’m proud of you!
Hi Brian I was scrolling utube channel for raider stuff . I go he looks familiar because we were in rehab together. Proud of where you are today. Thank you for your beautiful music while in rehab. I too work at this hospital in SC. We talked about that often. I will continue to watch your journey thank you cindy d
Oh my gosh!!! Cindy!!!!! No way!!!!! 😃😃 how are you!!! That’s so crazy that you found me here!!! You are so awesome! I can’t believe it 🥰🥰 Wow! Thanks for watching! I hope you are doing well ❤️❤️❤️
Just came across your channel and wow, it’s hard to pin point my reaction, but all of your stories resonate with me deeply. Our timelines are different, I was addicted to opiates starting at age 14 from various surgery’s and then I sought them out from the street. I’m now 25, and haven’t taken any drugs in 4 years, but that early age addiction really messed with my foundational structure as a person. The inner turmoil of keeping up appearances to friends and family while essentially living a double life was soul crushing, breeding imposter syndrome and disassociation. The meaningful connections while sober is absolutely the way to recovery, and I’m happy to say through all of the self reflection and self discipline work I’ve created a real identity of myself that I’m proud to continue fostering and investing in. Drugs and immediate satisfaction validation in general are no longer appealing to me. While I consider myself kind of a late bloomer and really just over these past few years has my life really begun, I’m now in nursing school, have good friendships, and find joy in taking care of myself.
I got a DUI after a doctor prescribed schizophrenia meds to treat insomnia after my husband died. House arrest is terrible! I'm also a nurse. Apparently I laid down to take a nap and drove to mcdonalds completely zoned out. I don't remember any of it. I'm a gym rat. I would never even darken the doorway of mcdonalds. Did the court system care? Nope!
Love your strength! Happy for you. I'm in recovery (fent) and it's tough. I'm struggling. But I'm not gonna go back. You're an inspiration. Thank you so much for your advice!
The isolation in the house bothers you because you are likely an extrovert. The opposite of sobriety is connection...for you (maybe). For myself as an introvert, being at home all day for months even years on end would be absolute bliss and the longer I am alone, the happier I tend to become😃. Being around other people is far, far more stressful for me than isolation. In fact, I don't find isolation stressful at all. To state the obvious, make no excuses for addictive behaviours and avoid "bad company" always.
Being confined to home sound tough. Have you thought of doing some Lives? Maybe a Live once a week where you can connect in realtime with your Subs. You vould talk about sobriety but also your other interests in music, food, and life in general. You're a very interesting person with a lot to offer.
Can I just say, thank you for being vulnerable and brave. Sharing this helps others like myself better understand. I've worked as a social worker, and as a nurse in the mental health sector, in a country similar to the united states, and it's so crazy how the systems are built. You're a wonderful example to others as you are just being honest, and authentic, and admitting imperfection. Life can really suck sometimes. And circumstances which are not within our control can suck. But things really can get better, and I hope this for you. Thank you for sharing your story :)
Wow! This is so crazy! The justice system is so screwed up! You should give your testimony to the mayor, the governor, etc etc This has to be told from the ones going through it. Unless you’ve been through it if know someone who has you have no idea how the system and all its rules etc are condescending to true recovery.
I feel like I was meant to find your videos. You should know that your videos are having an incredible impact on other people…for many reasons. But by far, knowing I’m not alone in my struggles has helped more than you’ll ever know. I know there are countless others on YT sharing and experiencing the same quandary, but there’s something about you that feels familiar and it’s very comforting. I admire your strength, your kind disposition and especially your honesty. It’s funny because the things that seem to be the hardest for you to share are the things that make me feel less alone. See?…you’re doing wonderful things. I’m grateful. Carolyn 🥰🥰🥰
if you have seen any of the videos on Kensington in Philly, I first got clean there of all places. But that was a long time ago and many ups and downs since then.
