Ft @randirossario, @kitarose_, @richiefontane, @acemetaphor, @rico_hundo, @justmikethepoet To continue the episode OR order a Tonight’s Conversation deck of your own click here: linktr.ee/tonightsconversatio...
it should be discussed on the 3rd date. I have had so many couples in pre marital counselling that never think to ask, "how often would you want to have sex in a week" ....when I pose this question to couples one will say for example 2x a week and the other will say 5x a week.......these 2 individuals are not sexually compatible (no fault of their own) because the one who said 2x ...is stating best case scenario and everything in life is perfect ....then 2x is ideal. which indicates 1 to 0 per week that person would be just fine. where as the one who saids 5x is most likely satisfied at 3x......couples like this are far apart. I have said to many couples ..your relationship will not lasting with this unequally yoked frequency. Those same couples have ended back in my office for marriage counseling arguing over what??? frequency of sex.....and the lack of spills into other areas and the pressure of spills into other areas.......that should be a date 3 question......
If she is rejecting your advances for “grown up time” there is a reason why. Instead of focusing on the intimate time, focus and remove the problem(s) that are in the way.
Thats where communication comes into play. Since men can’t read minds, the guys will come to their own conclusion. Its always better when she tells him the issue.
@@d-space1935 you're correct. As a man that leads to a feeling of selfconsciousness and that's when people do go "searching" outside of the relationship.
Y’all say that then complain he only resolved the problems for the sex. The problem is more often than not you, you aren’t communicating, you’re shutting yourself and your partner down, you’re not trying to treat your relationship as a relationship. All the focus in the world doesn’t matter if you’re looking for reasons to be unhappy.
It’s pathetic how immature “adults” are. It’s all about ego & self centeredness. If you can’t go some time without sex for whatever valid reason you’re actually too immature to be in a relationship bcuz there is soo much more to life and the human experience than sex. Like c’mon smh.
Been married 12 years together 16 years and I’ve never been told no and I’ve never told my wife no. I don’t ask when she’s not well or going through something. My sex life is very healthy and I’m thankful cause I’ve heard horrible stories.
Probably still should ask your wife how she's feeling/ if she's well just to check-in & show concern for her wellbeing. Sometimes just bc the person isn't turning you down doesn't mean they don't want to. They may just be doing it bc they feel it's their duty. Doesn't mean all is well. You have too have constant communication with your spouse...
In a relationship women are more comfortable telling u no because they think your more understanding at this point by actually knowing how they maybe tired or mentally off
Also more secure and not using sex to manipulate the partner into choosing her. And once kids come, she gets very tired. Saying "I've never had a GIRL deny me" says you've never had a real grown up relationship with a WOMAN who knows her worth lies beyond her pussy 🤷♀️
Still not an excuse for denying a man for Months and wonder why he is debating leaving or cheating. Denying your Man whether he is your husband or boyfriend often reads to us that you don't want us.
@Presencce love Jones women work all day too. Glib ass. And then we go home and take care of our families aka do more work. Go do 1 ounce of research on a woman's double shift cause I'm definitely not the ignorant one out of the 2 of us and scientists agree. I am in a 17 year relationship, married, house kids. I run my own business on top of doing the majority of work at home tho my husband is definitely helpful. It lacks the empathy of TRUE maturity to think your needs are the only needs in a relationship and let's be fr you are not getting pussy at the same frequency as a single man. You ain't that guy. So stop acting ungrateful. Have a little understanding for your partner cause all I heard you say was how selfish you are, aka if you are married, you won't make it. Empathy is a sign of true maturity as the frontal lobe is the last to develop. Yes, my ignorant ass has multiple degrees. Cause I'm such a fool. Everyone enjoys sex and craves to feel close to their partner. Women too! I know! Gasp! But having the bandwidth to understand in a relationship it's not always all about you is what makes for a good partner. Good luck tho, running around chasing your dick your whole life, a slave to your primal impulses, can't even rule your own body has left many men lonely in their dusty old age. Learn to be the master of your own self before you try to school others, especially one this far out of your league Mr Neanderthal. Bye forever, please.
When that chemistry is there, it is usually not a problem between 2 people. I think when things start out all hot and heavy and drastically change is when you run into problems. Yes pregnancy and hormonal changes and life events matter and that requieee constant communication. It should also be active conversation to figure out what’s going on. I don’t think it’s fair in either side to just allow your partner to “figure it out” or just expect to be okay with their sexual needs not being met. Repeatedly Turning your partner down makes a person feel inadequate and they will also internalize those feelings thinking something is wrong with them especially when you don’t have a “why.” Communication is definitely key!
Okay, if im not treated right that day, you yell at me, you aren't around, there is no conversation and some kind of intimacy before hand, I will turn you down. Just like men like attention, so do woman. Pay some positive attention to me and I have no problem getting sexual. I need that brain space to even get turned on.
I would have to exhaust all other options before tripping out. Health, emotional, psychological illnesses or imbalances. After that we would have to have a sit down about what is truly going on. It would have to take a drastic change though. If you go hard 4-5 times a week to 2-3 times, it could just be life getting in the way. If it's a major change like 1-2 times a month, that's worth a conversation because it's noticeable.
I never understood this but I guess it’s because im used to one guy and bloody or not he dont give af that ive became comfortable aslo plus im always waaay more horny when Im on my period 😂😂😂 what is wrong with me??
@@RobinXlone ah yes we’re having period cramps that have been scientifically been proven to be as bad as a heart attack but hey we never get a break do we
You're going to have your sick and exhausted days. So "no" is going to happen at some point. A spouse should be fine with this. Just because there's no sex there should be cuddling, spooning, hugging, loving words and kissing should continue if you can. Show love by helping and caring. Make coffee, soup, tea, breakfast, dinner, buy gifts, do their chores, let them, rest. Perhaps go to a therapist or go to the doctor with them. Understand this, the divine can intervene. Be loyal.
Emotional intelligence should be a key factor. As well as healthy communication and self discipline. If you're not cheating or holding out as a form of toxic manipulation and/or control then there should be an understanding.
Ask your partner why, they may not even know. Ask what you can do to help them get past the hurdle that's causing the lack of interest. Are they too tired and stressed by life? Are hormones, pain or ED causing a problem, have they become insecure or has the relationship run it's course? Is your partner unfulfilled, or feel like it's one sided, are they afraid to relax and feel free to enjoy themselves or experiment, are they dealing with past trauma from SA? There are so many reasons males and females may pull away from sexual activities that good communication is imperative.
Me personally I can go a good while in between. Call me corny I’ve had great lovers but its different than ways to be intimate. Sexual health is important I’m not down playing that. Everyday is too much for me. Once a week is fair. My preference. It’s very difficult to try to be sexual when you aren’t in that mood. When you say that folks think you mean you’re upset / distracted. No I’m just not horny lol someone Else in the comments said it perfectly “you have to find someone you’re sexually compatible with “ I’ve try to be with someone who had a high drive I just felt bad cuz I would just be laying there dazing off into space
In a relationship you can go from 2-3 times a day to 1-2 times a year. The woman will tell you it’s life, I’m not the same woman I was when I was younger or a bunch of other reasons why it’s your fault or responsibility to understand/fix it. But that same woman will leave a man because he’s not courting her the same way he use to.
I'm gonna give you the answer. She is doing everything around the house, and with the kids. She does not feel supported. Does not feel like she has a partner. She feels like she has a child that she is taking care of. Is overwhelmed and exhausted. And since you won't do anything to contribute, she's punishing you.
@@ineedhoez let’s dissect your answer using the average man (majority of men and women are average). If the average man is taking care of everything financially he’s is at work more than he is home so his partner doesn’t have to provide anything financially. If the average woman wants to split the household chores 50/50 then she must also split the financial responsibilities 50/50 so the average man can be home to help out. A lot of women will say 50/50 is basically roommates and doesn’t get a feminine woman or sex. So no matter what the average man does he’s stuck in the “damned if you do damned if you don’t “ conundrum. I’m sure exceptions exist but they don’t make the rule and are statistically insignificant.
Wow this is definitely an interesting topic to me. When I’m in a relationship there’s usually never a time when I give a hard no. If I can’t at that moment because of work or just the wilds of life, it’s definitely something that I revisit that night when we’re winding down from the day. But it is true about the sex drives having to be compatible.
I think this question is mostly for long term relationships. You're not going to get to the wanting to say no bc of lingering issues in the relationship until you've been in one for 10+ yrs.
Diet has a lot to do with sex drive, a lot of people have poor eating habits which play out in the bedroom. Also a discussion on any past sexual trauma should be discussed as it can effect a person's desire to be sexual. Communication is key🙏🏾
Everyone's bodies are different and should be respected, 1st off. Making sure you are compatible on many levels is important including the subject of sex. Hormones fluctuate, feelings change daily. No one OWES anyone sex. However, everyone should strive to have clear communication within their relationships. The deeper question would be to investigate why the sexual dynamic is off. No one wants to feel unwanted, and no one wants to feel manipulated or passive aggressively forced. Sex therapists exist for a reason, use them if you need to.
BS! If we’re in a relationship, we absolutely owe each other sex. Women trip me out saying stuff like that because y’all only say that because y’all don’t expect y’all men to reject y’all at any point. But when a man says no, it becomes VERY clear that y’all think we owe y’all sex. So stop it.
What you're saying makes sense, however you need to keep in mind that sex is pretty much the only aspect of a relationship where it isn't ok to meet that need elsewhere. Other aspects/perks of a relationship, such as companionship, validation, attention, and emotional support, can be received in many different relationships. If someone isn't getting all their need for attention met from their partner, they can go get attention from others. If they want more emotional support from their partner than their partner is willing or able to give, they can look to other people to fill that gap. But with sex, if someone is wanting more sex than what their partner is willing or able to provide, then they cannot go get that need met elsewhere. Yes, masturbation is an option, but some people's partners won't accept their partner masturbating. Men, on average, are going to be wanting sex from their woman more often than a woman is gonna be wanting sex from her man. Which means that the one need that can *only* be met through a relationship (sex) is being unmet with men more often than it is for women. There is no equivalent for women in this regard. It is easy for women to downplay the importance of sex because they typically will be able to get their level of need for sex met fully, and all their other needs can be met either from their partner OR from others. Women just don't fully understand what it's like. So if a woman is going to ask a man to only have sex with her, and only get his sexual needs met from her, then she needs to fucking figure out how to meet that need. If the man is being a shitty partner, that's a different story.
My true opinion is.. 50% of all relationships are physical ( sexual ).. The other 50% of the relationship is communication, health, finance, growth in self and each other & etc.. If either one of these halfs becomes an issue, the relationship can & will have problems..
I truly believe just as there are different LOVE languages there are also different SEX languages. (I need to go ahead and write a book.) Ima say this one time and don’t forget it SEX DOES NOT EQUATE TO LOVE! Sex in marriage is a result of a relationship that is based in trust, intimacy and love. If you have to force time for sex sit down and figure out WHY. Talk about it and find resolve for the health of the relationship, not just to get to the sex. That rarely fixes the problem. I could list a page of reasons why a “spouse” would put off having sex, but most of it is because they are already disconnected or dysfunctional in other major areas in the relationship. SEX because of LOVE becomes more frequent and better QUALITY 🖤 Who wouldn’t want that?
@@TonightsConversation y’all can still make money without making people download an entire app just to watch a podcast episode. Don’t nobody wanna do all that
Dude said married couples who have sex a lot is strange????? Tf type weird shit niggas be on? Why are sexless marriages seen as normal? That means y’all don’t love each other. A healthy sex life is indicative of a good relationship
No it’s doesn’t mean “y’all don’t love each other” . Im married and this is my answer. Disclaimer we only had sex like 2 times in the past month. We have 5 kids. 2 under 4, 2 teens 15,14 and a preteen 11. Men are mostly, always ready to go. House dirty, children starving, teens near by. YALL DONT CARE. But all of those things be on my mind. that can easily blow the mood and performance. I’m the most ready when my husband at work. He’s a teacher so he gone when the kids gone and home when the kids home. We moved 14hrs away from family, so a baby sitter for 5 kids is not to likely. Sure we could have the 15/14 year old do it but the youngins are not there responsibility and I’m not comfortable leaving them for more than a few hours which we would end up in the car or something which I have laid it down but it’s not so appealing after the excitement goes away. Having toddlers still in the bed, stoppppsssss a lot of things we are looking to move but you know NEW YORK is expensive. Then when I do be ready at night normally my husband is tired or already sleep or the rear occasion like right now SICK. And I care about him to not wake him up in the middle of the night because he has to wake up early for work. Sorry if this is TMI. But yeah
Thank you!! If I wasn’t gone get no sex then I could have stayed single. A sexless marriage is boring and can create room for infidelity. If you guys agree on that then cool but I feel married couples need to be having sex at least once a week. That keeps the attraction to each other I feel. You guys make time to please each other. Idk why people make sex seem like a responsibility or a chore like either you want me or not. It’s weird 🤦🏾♂️
I'm always ready but maybe it's my partner now..his drive matches mine but I've had partners where it felt like a task to do anything with them because it wasn't IT...🤷🏾♀️😩
Find someone that matches your sex drive and have a good relationship outside of sex. NO running red lights. Men don't respect a woman that doesn't have boundaries. Those types of things WILL be thrown right back in your face.
To me, a lot of people put too much on sex. It's a part of a marriage and not as a whole. How about deciding on a sex night or day with your partner so that you'll be on the same page. Conversations is needed
Lmaooo!!! Yeah, so you make an immediate appointment with a therapist. Get to bottom of it. If your partner refuses to discuss, then you have been abandoned in your relationship and need to remove yourself from it.
If we’re super busy then I understand because your tired but if we have our time of rest like the weekends we both expect it unless I’m on my cycle..If I’m told no on the weekend ima have an attitude..
@@ineedhoez We do talk, however if there’s no reason for us not to do anything I’m going to say something about it/bring it up..Im never told no but if he ever tries, oh yes all hell is going to break loose!!!🔥
It’s real simple, people are in your life as long as they add value to your life. If your girl doesn’t add value to your life then she gets excused. I am always clear with women I date that sex is a key value they bring. (Obviously it is NOT the only thing, but it’s in the top 3 💯) Her:”I feel bad I don’t cook as good as you” me:”don’t worry about it babe u just keep cooking in the bedroom” her:”you want me to get the check?” Me:”nah, i got it. U can pay me back tonight”
The reason relationships are heavily dependent on sex is because men desperately need sex. Most things in this world is from the male perspective. A relationship on the female perspective wouldn’t break up without sex.
Everyone in the comment section is spot on. Find out why. But shorty mentioned giving her man some out of obligation. If sex becomes a task or a chore. And the attitude is come on let’s get this done. You better find out why as well. Nothing will end in disaster faster than a relationship void of passion. Sex should be a mutually beneficial transaction.
I mean, it can affect a relationship. However, it can affect your relationship as well. If you're sleeping with your partner and for whatever reason, you don't want to. At that point it's just a Hold your door and you can't wait to get it off with.
Honestly, you’re entitled to say no, but all these people expecting you to just go without sex for years because of YOUR PROBLEMS is an issue. If you don’t value sex and don’t want to have sex but your partner still does, then you have a decision to make. The world doesn’t stop and revolve around the woman. As a 25 year old man, there’s no way I’m staying with a woman that expects me to go without sex ENTIRELY and still get my all. We all have wants and needs, why tf are yours more important than mines???
Years? Going years without being intimate with your partner and you haven't took out the time to figure out why is probably the reason it's gone on for so long. That relationship was most likely over long before it actually ended. What if you had a medical condition and you couldn't be intimate for a period of time? Is it now free game for her to step out because she has needs? I don't know. There are so many reasons as to why this might be the case. As long as you know and recognize the difference between pettiness and having to practice a little self discipline you can the take proper actions
That's not healthy. I think the bigger issue is That you should both be communicating with each other so that way you understand what's going on. If something Happened and I no longer wanted sex. Like ever. I would absolutely tell my partner and try to find some mutually beneficial agreement to help them get their needs met.
@@jericothompson8636… I know men in their late twenties with ED issues. But either way, keep that same energy. Idk what building a family and having kids have to do with you not being able to keep your “wife” sexually satisfied at all times. But hey… this is your fantasy. 🤷🏾♀️
It depends. I will have to say hopefully if there's nothing going on with her. And she's mentally there physically there and she denied me. I will question and pretty soon. There will become an issue but and there's something going on with her. I love her. So I will try to find out what's going on with her
I STILL CANT WRAP MY MIND AROUND THE IDEA OF BEING WITH A WOMEN WHO DOESNT WANT YOU THE SAME WAY YOU WANT THEM … I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN IN RELATIONSHIPS THAT WE SHARED A MUTUAL LUST … NEVER HAD A REASON TO ASK .
If your girl makes you wait any longer than two weeks something is off you can go the occasional week every month due to her cycle but longer than 2 weeks and she’s not fiendn for you then there a red flag….now if she has health issues and yal together then I can understand being sensitive towards that but if she’s into you fr she will not make you wait a month or months unless the cat got into some unusual accident like cheating
When the change starts overflowing in my coin purse, thats a key indicator that I can no longer wait on sex. So I need to…you know make a deposit at the bank.
