How Seeing Someone Killed in Action Changed Me 

The channel has recently added a lot of new subscibers and I feel like a lot of people do not know who I am or where I come from. I want people to know my personal story. I want to feel like this community understands what my intent is with these videos. I do not want to promote war. I want to promote the understanding of war. I feel like the more we know of its horrors and uselessness the more likely we are, hopefully, to avoid it. EDIT: thank you guys for the supportive emails you sent me and the stories you all shared with me everywhere. The kind words have been overwhelming.

After I suffered a traumatic event, one of my colleagues said, "It isn't the worst thing that has ever happened, but it is the worst thing that has ever happened to you." I found this a helpful perspective.

Thanks for sharing this, really like the personal videos like this. At 19, I couldn’t imagine myself in that scenario.

As a Infantry Medic with a year long tour 05-06, I completely understand your feelings and sentiment.

My son came back from Afghanistan. He suffered from PTSD. He tried to handle it by himself but was having trouble. This lasted a couple of years. I had heard about a group at the VA for people with PTSD. I mentioned that this might be something that would help. He wasn't interested and didn't want to go. I told him, Brian this might help you or it might not but you won't know until you try. I said that even if it doesn't help you they maybe you talking to these guys it might help one of them. This did the trick and he goes regularly now. He has since thanked me for pushing him to go. I have told him before everyman has a breaking point and when he reaches that point there is no shame in asking for help. I am so proud of him and I am proud that this nation has men like him that serve.

There's a reason old soldiers don't tell their stories. Families grow up, knowing that Grandpa or whoever served, but never hear anything about their service. Because to talk about it is to live it again, and some stories are too painful to live again. Kudos for speaking out.

"His brains were just lying there, nobody had picked them up yet... We had two dogs on the base" oh no

I was a nurse. Multiple deployments. Seeing those photos of you as a young private really felt like a gut punch. I didn’t see combat. Nobody shot at me. But I did treat you boys when you came in. In those pictures you looked like a beautiful young boy. At the time I was in my late 20’s and early 30’s. In military time I was an old woman. You know what I mean. A 24 year old SSG is already an old man. I did my best to deal with the chaos and the pain and suffering of you guys. But it took a toll. War is shit. I still have bad dreams. I did my best to help. Thank you for sharing this. I too struggle with my war time experiences.

Thank you for your service. I wasn't in the military but was in the fire department. We had to do the same thing when we had people who were killed in a fire or car accident. The dark humor was all part of it. I was 14 when I joined in the early 80's and 16 when I was actually able to respond to calls. Going to a car accident in the middle of the night and having to put kids in body bags then going to high school in the morning and having a moment of silence for the kids who were killed. People on the outside just don't understand it. They think we're sick and demented, but they're not the ones who needed 3 body bags for 2 people in a small plane crash. Or having to remove a body from a burnt vehicle, not knowing if they were male or female at that time. It's how we cope. It's how we make it through another day. They'll never understand.

As an Ex-Serviceman myself, having done tours in the worst places, i can stand with you on saying that war is the worst thing man does. It tests you to your limit and then takes it further and just keeps going. The sights, sounds and smells of places i wish id never been, still hang in my mind, still battle during my dreams. '93 Bosnia was the first time i saw someone killed, the first of many to come, if someone tells you it doesnt affect you then they are lying.

I work at a cemetery, dark humor is the thing that keeps everyone who works there sane. The worst and most silencing thing is when a child is brought in, that's where the humor stops. Seeing someone be the target of such a violent end must be absolutely horrifying. Thank you for sharing. All the love.

Stories like this remind me that for whatever crap I’m dealing with at the moment, if that’s the worst part of my day I’m getting off pretty light.

My dad was a Korean vet. He was a sniper because of his incredible ability to shoot. I never knew his experiences until he was 80. Then one day his experiences were finally brought out. Twenty-three kills, his spotter was killed right beside him, the top of his head shot off. Suddenly he was crying. It was still there, his experiences. I never knew. And suddenly everything I had seen during his life made sense. I was 53 when he told me. I only loved him more and so unjudgemental. It all now made everything clearer. What you have done in front of everyone had to be so very hard. I know it wasn't simple. May God bless you. Really. Thanks Cappy. I watch and like all your videos. Stand strong you're not a "Spare Part" now. You are needed and an important part of what we need. I listen and many others do too.

Brother don't ever worry about people making fun of you or criticizing you. It takes balls of steel to open up like that. Sign of a true man. And by telling your story maybe it gives some young person insight into whether service is right for them. Or maybe help another vet that is in pain and is afraid to ask for help. Nothing but respect from me, son! And your channel is great. One of my favorites.

Former British servicemen here and appreciate your vid. For years I had a massive chip on my shoulder about Afghan and emotionally immature of the experiences and how to react, so often came out in negative outbursts or aggressive. Recently met a afghan in a random work situation and became friends. His friendly, elequent, family oriented demeanor help balance my negative feelings of the people and country from my tours, especially after the fall of the country forced me to take stock and had no answers. Eventually knowing him and his family helped me accept the war was worthless, everything we build or did is gone, lost more than I gained and some lost everything including their life and limb. It's just how it is sometimes. But the good that came from it was when my nation was at war I volunteered and can be proud of that. My experience has helped me and others around me and did more good than bad, but the bad can't be excused anymore.

I am a vet from South Africa. I served in the SADF (South African Defense Force), 5th Reconnaissance Regiment (RECCES), 1978 - 1985. I took part in multiple conflicts, the Rhodesian Bush War, the Angolan Bush War, Tanzania, Mozambique to name a few and have witnessed some of the worst brutalities humans can inflict upon one another. I thank you for your service and honor and salute you for telling your story. It is not an easy thing to do. I could not do it. Really enjoy your channel and content. I find your analysis and insights on the Ukraine conflict to be well thought out, accurate and informative. The biggest thing though as to why I follow your channel is your unbiased approach to the assessment of the situation from both sides, which to be honest, is rare and is almost impossible to find anymore these days. Nowadays it is all about feelings and screw the actual truth or facts. Keep up the awesome work.

My first one as an MP was a suicide . It was 30 plus years ago and I think about it just about every day . Thanks for sharing your story . It helps all of us .

Fellow OIF 11B here - all your videos are great, but I am PROUD of you for this one brother. Thank you so much for opening up and sharing your experiences. I know it was not easy to do, but putting this kind of thing out there is extremely important. It helps civilians understand the true reality and ugliness of war, and it helps other vets talk about things that we would otherwise keep inside, which causes us more harm in the long run. This is the kind of thing that saves lives.

12 years US Army and they taught us how much we could push our bodies and how resilient we are. They never taught us how to cope with the worst thing another human can do to another. Hearing a grown man scream or cry for his mom while he is bleeding out will forever be our daunting reality. Good to talk it out dark humor helps but many will never understand.

As an police officer I can tell you dark humor is the most effective way to deal with terrible situations. But only those that seen shit understand that.

Petition to make this the channel trailer. Chris: this is an eloquent, personal, concise, and deeply moving explanation of the Purpose of this channel, and why you’ve shouldered it as your Task. You’re doing a lot of good here. Keep it up.

Good day, I'm a dutch military warveteran (Bosnia) We were not allowd to shoot but they were stil shooting on us. I got PTSD and had some treetment but now I have a lawsuite against the army because sudenly they say it cant come from my war experiance. Love your chanel. It gives me a lot of information that Ican't find this easy annywere. I think everybody should prepare for war and hope it never comes. Thanks for your work on this chanel. F. Mollen 1(NL)UN SIGNAL BATALION V8 Britt. Bat Vites 93-94

UK vet here. 3 deployments on Active service, and everything you said resonated with me. Dark humour is a way of coping with the sh1t that happens and it is a universal way of adjusting to and coping with it.

I work as a nurse. I worked in a Level 1 trauma center emergency room for 7 years. I now work ICU and have been here for four years. Obviously my experience is different, but there’s some striking similarities. The ways we manage and survive obvious untenable situations, is so varied, and can be varied day to day by the same person. There have been plenty of times I’ve used dark humor to get through a particularly bad day. I’ve also had moments of anger, sadness, elation, and frustration. I’ve trauma bonded with my coworkers. Trying to parse those feeling out in the moment is nearly impossible. Only with time, introspection, reflection, and support do we find ways to come to terms with the sometimes horrible events we witness. Thank you for sharing your story. There very well may have been men and women in Iraq that had it worse, but that doesn’t make your story, nor your feelings, and your response any less valid. Take care my friend.

I wasn’t military, I was Fire/EMS for 23 years. The first time you see someone killed, especially intentionally, will ALWAYS change you. Your narration during the video, especially regarding your almost fascination with the soldier’s brains and the dogs, had me remembering lots of patients brains splattered across roadways, all over walls from gunshot wounds, and industrial accidents. IT CHANGES YOU.

Woah. I didn't think we'd see this kind of video. Thank you so much for sharing. It takes incredible strength to get through such a terrible event, and even more to share it.

I'm a vet. I'm now a paramedic in a pretty rough ubran/suburban area. I've learned to always try to understand the way people cope. We all do it differently. If it isn't harmful, let it be. We all have our own ways of dealing with what we see in situations we don't always have control over. Where you have been isn't where you are. Reach our for help and always believe that life can get better. It's starts with mental health, though.

One of the most raw and uncut videos I’ve seen in a very long time. I’ve had the pleasure to met South Korea and Vietnam Veterans and with yourself, there is a growing representation surrounding what War sounds like vs what it’s really like. Our vulnerability isn’t unique in what we share but how we interpret these experiences we’re forced to go through.

Black humor is a constant coping mechanism in many professions: war, medicine, police, fire, etc. Don’t feel bad about using a mechanism like this to cope. It is natural. Thank you for telling your story. Getting it out there will help your healing. Be well, my friend.

I love how honest this video was. I think it's going to help a lot of people understand what soldiers experience, why their sense of humor is the way it is and why War should be avoided at all costs. God Bless you Chris 🙏🏻

I read somewhere that the average Roman soldier was described as intelligent, rough, and possessed a coarse sense of humor. You are not alone and people are and have always been the same. Introspection is completely normal.

50 years later and my grandpa still tears up remembering the guys that didn’t come home from Vietnam. Thank you for your service.

As a former 19D. I hear you. The emotional and moral injuries I deal with today after multiple Iraq deployments. Is hard to deal with. Thank you for sharing brother.

From one vet to another, thank you for opening up. Sometimes I can't even make complete sense out of my service and the interactions I have had, so I just keep it to myself.

Bro, appreciate your story. OIF 06-08 (09-10 in Diwaniyah) stationed at Taji and spent some time at Mushada. Like a walk down memory lane for me. Appreciate you being real and telling it like it is. Lots of us with stories like this. Some can tell them, some can't, but your openness does a lot to bridge the gap. Appreciate you man.

We had no business in Iraq...period. So much unnecessary pain and suffering. Learn, move on and live a peaceful loving life. Always be ready but avoid war at all cost.

I think everyone can say we appreciate you sharing your story to put your videos and journalism into perspective. Talking about this kind of trauma is never easy, and being able to share that trauma should always be supported. That kind of painful experience is insane to experience especially when you were so young. Thank you for letting us know your story Cappy. God Bless.

Hey Cappy / T&P team Just a civilian/historian here, but... I've never doubted the weight of ya'lls word/your authenticity. With a smile on my face I've recommended you as a news source to my family at Thanksgiving saying "y'nkow, this youtube channel Task & Purpose has gotten seats in the White House press room before." So I feel as if this video was not aimed at me but I witnessed your personal vulnerability & sharing Cappy and I appreciate & respect it. Yall keep it up!

Chris, what you did is very brave. I’m a retired CAARNG combat medic. OIF6 is years for me and I’m still wrestling with some things from that tour. You reinforced why I subscribe to your channel: you’re genuine and give us a view of subjects that we will never get from a think tank… feedback from the end user. Keep up the good work. You and your channel are making a difference. HOOAAH

Thank you for sharing your experience in Iraq, I was there twice 05-06 and 07-08 first time was busy with IED’s and gun fights this is when combat changed me. He was a member in my platoon he was a gunner on the HUMVEE while on patrol his squad was hit by an IED and my squad was the closest. Once we got to the seen and secured it I had conducted a sweep and checked the vehicle and this is when it hit home the amount of blood inside and knowing the person made it worse because I had just talked to him the day before. I feel that it is healthy for you to talk about it I talk about my time in Iraq when people ask me and with those that are in simpler professions such as doctors, trauma nurses, medics, police and fire fighters I share the dark humor of the tours encaustic they understand and wont think that a there is something wrong with me. Combat dogs are the best we ad one on my last tour and took her from our patrol base when it shut down to Camp Liberty however she did not go with us to our new patrol base we think the dog catch got her.

Hey brother, fellow g.w.o.t., o.i.f. 19D iraq 2003-2004. Mad respect brother. I was in fallujah. War is awful no matter where you served. We all gave some man. We gotta push through the horror to honor our brothers who gave all. Your a very educated man who's heart is in the right place. You should be proud and your brothers should be too. God bless America and let's pray we never see near peer or any other pointless war like ours. When your in the suck all that matters is your bros man. But your right, although lower enlisted have no power over geo politics they should be aware of what they are representing and if it's righteous or B.S.. pray for peace!

I am a doctor and I worked in war zones. War is by far the worst way to solve problems. And your experience is even mine. As a healthcare professional it is very difficult to deal with the fact that another human being has voluntarily caused pain and suffering to another human being. And I would like to add that in my profession (Intensive Care, pre hospital and medevac medicine) we experience many many times death and suffering and we have to be empathic with the patients and their beloved ones if we truly want to do our job. This is like keeping a door open for our souls to be hurt in the process. So unfortunately PTSD could be a real issue even if you are not in a war zone or a soldier. I just wanted to share this because when I was younger nobody told me of this problem. Take care. A big hug to all of you

Hi Chris, this is the first time I am writing in this blog, please excuse my bad English, I am German, living near Dusseldorf. Thank you for this very personal story, I really appreciate your honesty and the insights you gave us. Only very few in Germany experienced the things Americans of all ages have experienced. In the '90 I enrolled for 2 years as airborne ranger at Calw (now home of KSK). I really enjoy your content as it's very interesting with many details which helps me to keep up with all the developments which take place in this crazy times. Thank you for your channel and viele Grüße, Simon

Brother, you did what was asked of you. No one can say anything about your service other than thank you for that service and recognize you have paid a heavy price for that service. I respect what you've done and I appreciate it. Thank you.

I worked in hospital for six years as a phlebotomist, working nights and weekends. Your experience with death mirrors mine. I saw a lot of death when I was in my late teens and early 20’s, especially in the ER, where we’d get victims of street violence. Life sucks, and death is even worse. None of it makes sense. We deal with it any way we can, valiantly trying to protect our sense of humanity. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. You help bring understanding to a chaotic world.

Dark humor, sarcasm and any humor seems to be the best medicine on how to deal with extreme anxiety, stress and terrible trauma. Thanks for sharing your experience.

Thank you for sharing. I was in the Royal Navy in 1982. I joined because I wanted to serve my country, and I was angry and distraught that I wasn't drafted to a ship that was headed to the Falklands. Forty-two years later, I thank the powers that be that I missed out on that experience: one of the people I trained with, and one of my PT instructors, didn't make it back alive. I witnessed other people's trauma, and I left the service a couple of years later. That's as close as I want to get to anything like that ever again. Thank you again, for your service and for your candour.

This is such a powerful and raw testimony. It takes incredible courage to share something so personal and traumatic. Thank you for opening up and giving us a glimpse into the harsh reality of war. Your ability to reflect on both the fascination and the horrors is deeply moving. It’s stories like these that remind us of the true cost of conflict, and I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been to process these experiences. You’ve earned so much respect for turning something so dark into a platform for understanding and education. Those who cannot remember the past are bound to repeat it. Thank you for your service and for your honesty. 🙏

I watched a 7 year old boy die in front of me and if it wasn't for dark humor, I probably wouldn't be here. Thank you for opening up and telling your story. Your videos have been very informative and interesting. Keep up the good work.

Thank you so much! In 33yr of EMS, I lost 7 friends in the line of duty all in flight crashes. Evaluating your own mortality is never easy and intensely personal. No one can stand outside and compare what you should or shouldn't do to cope with feelings and emotions. These feelings are intensely personal and unique to the individual in that moment, they cannot be judged or criticized by others. Your integrity shows from your honest evaluation of your experience and should never be judged, only respected. I lost my first crew in 2005, the second crew in 2007, and my last friend in 2013. All in aircraft crashes to save others. The loss, pain and guilt, never goes away, you just learn to deal with it and find ways to honor those lost. It is said that heros are made by the challenges they face, by the risks that they take, and by the pain they endure. It comes at a cost that those protected will never know! Thank you again for this honest video assessment. I respect what you had to deal with and respect your honesty. I still deal with the loss and gain strength that I am not alone because others like you speak out. Thank you Sir.

No-one should criticise you for this; no-one at all would escape this experience untouched and you've shared it bravely. Well done. Thank you.

War is horrible! You've had a normal reaction to an "abnormal" event. I was a squad medic in the 603rd Combat Engineering battalion. Almost lost my shit, while treating my first injured squad mate, until adrenaline and instincts took over. Working through PTSD is bordering the impossible. Took me at least a decade to get comfortable talking about my experiences... I'm glad you're able to talk about it, that's how healing is done! Much respect! 🤜🤛

The fact that you or anyone else is bothered by seeing death is a good thing, it means you are not numb to it yet. First time I saw death I was deeply bothered by it to the point of nightmares, insomnia, loss of appetite. However it got easier each time . One day after a motorcycle crash I was tasked with scooping up the brains and flesh and bagging it, an hour later I was sitting at McDonald’s eating my lunch like nothing happened and it dawned on me that I was numb to death and blood and all the gore. That bothered me more than the first encounter with death. The next call out was a dui head on collision with a single fatality of a 5 year old child that was sitting on the mother’s lap while driving when a drunk crossed the line. It bothered me so much that I wasn’t bothered by the death that I feared I was losing my humanity. I couldn’t do it anymore. These days decades later I feel I have regained my humanity to the point I feel a deep compassion even for the deer I shoot every year.

I was in that area 09-10 as a combat engineer. This video is bringing me back. Thank you for sharing

As a Navy veteran and military historian, I can assure you that your experience is shared throughout history. As you know, most people will never understand your experience like a veteran and especially a combat veteran would. The horrors of war should be discussed as much as possible so war is a last resort. Its why I find history so important, so future generations can learn from the past without having to experience the horrors. Even the Founders tried to keep America out of foreign entanglements as much as possible by adding a Declaration of War Clause to the US Constitution. FREEDOM ISN'T FREE. The cost of freedom is paid for by blood. Thank you to all the veterans out there. God bless America!

I'm glad you shared your experience. My parents came from a war-torn country. Their siblings and parents all carry scary from it and some of my relatives never made it because of that war. War is terrible, sometimes it's necessary but it should always be a last resort measure. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Appreciate what you're doing

As a Civvy and former cop in the UK, I've seen some fucked up shit but it was mostly after the fact. Bodies, babies, injuries, RTC's etc. Definitely not on par with your experience, but some things stay with you. I've watched your videos for a long time and even if you'd say this is off topic it's definitely welcome and there's plenty of Vet's in your audience to listen. Sharing trauma lessens the burden of it. Keep it up chief.

Thank you for this. Its important to hear

I've been watching your videos for about three years now, and what drew me to them was your perspective, knowledge and "everyman" approach. You're writing, delivery, editing, and recording have come a long way since then, but your heart, honesty, and humor have stayed the same. I appreciate what you do and look forward to seeing you and your channel grow. Thanks Cappy,

You are doing yourself an your family a great service by talking about this. My father was an infantry master sargent in the Korean War at the time of the Chinese intervention. His Army unit was one of many surrounded with the Marines at the Yalu river, and he was part of that terrible fighting withdrawal from the frozen Chosin. During the retreat he was badly injured and frostbitten, eventually spending months in VA hospitals back in the United States. He NEVER talked about his experiences at all. Dad drank himself to death. It wasn't till I was in my 50's, that I realized he probably had serious PTSD issues. Maybe if he had talked and shared his experiences, I would have had a dad. You're doing good, keep talking.

One of the most powerful commentaries on war I have ever seen. Thank you. I'm sure that wasn't easy.

Thanks for opening up about it. Sometimes talking about it is the best way to recover from PTSD.

Thank You Cappy !! As a Firefighter / Paramedic and ex-military corporal, I feel your pain. PTSD is horrible. It's the Monkey on your back that no-one can see . Thank you for sharing your story with us all. Respect Bro !! 🫡

I've never served in the military or lived in any kind of conflict area, but I get so much information about it from this channel. You are an exeptional communicator and this video made me a fan for life. Your channel has always mixed the information with a heavy dose of empathy and humanity, and this goes a long way towards explaining why you do that. Thanks again for all you do.

We can hear it in your voice Cappy. Only those that have been there understand the insanity and reality that comes from war. Thank you for your service, your honesty and compassion to share something you went through. Clearly it affected you, your ability to rationalize the outcome and live through the event(s). Thanks for sharing

"Only The Dead Have Seen The End Of War."- PLATO

Thank you for sharing your feelings. I lost my dsughter-in-law to PTSD. She was a Marine linguist stationed in Afghanistan, and came home a completely different person. My bonus son (wife's son) never truly came home from Iraq. Yes, he lives down the street, but he is not the person who left home in 2003.

Chris , thank you for this video. I’ll start by saying I am not a Vet. I couldn’t enlist because the US armed services will not accept someone who had survived cancer (when I was 8). Because I couldn’t serve that way I became a Deputy Sheriff in a small county in Nor Cal. I’ve been a Deputy for over 37 years. All that being said I have also seen horrible injury and death and then had to sort it out.Everything you said struck a chord in me. What you shared here is so true. Anyone who mocks or is critical or your pain just doesn’t know what it is to deal internally with violent tragedy and horror. I have nothing but respect for the difficulty it takes to try to help others by sharing your pain. I enjoy your regular content and use it as one of my top sources for world military information and world news. Keep it up. I think you can make a difference in reporting subjects that can show that war shouldn’t be sought out, but avoided if at all possible.

Genuinely think more soldiers should talk about this, it's always something you think you can never ask someone about. But I think talking about it is not just good for their mental health but really gives the public a view they do not see. We glorify war all the time, in movies, in games etc. These sorts of stories is a healthy dose of reality from those who have been through it and is beneficial to those who are also fascinated by war but are lucky enough to not have experienced it (like me, for example). Thanks for sharing.

I served in the Canadian Army from 1981 to 1991 and it is hard to say how to handle fear and many people don't know fear, I mean REAL FEAR and we joked and were macabre too, that is a great coping mechanism and unless you lived it you really cannot appreciate it and that is why many vets never speak of what they went through to family or friends, and that is why support groups of vets that have walked the walk is so so important. Thanks for your service my friend!

Every once in a while, you just have to vent. I guess we should all understand. It is better than breaking into tears. Mine was 55 years ago and it is never going to be really processed. The dark humor is just coping. I hate when people who avoided service say "Thank you for your service." It is a gut punch when, in reality, they avoided their service. Cappy, you are one of the finest sources for understanding military and strategic issues and you MUST keep at it. Your attitude toward this is exemplary. God bless you.

Kappi, you do an amazing job. Keep doing what you're doing the content is great. Thank you for everything you do. Don't let others get you down.

The technology/philosophy/tactics/strategy of war are fascinating for countless reasons but that's with the luxury of it being observed and researched away from these conflicts. The realities of such things and firsthand experience is the closest you can get to hell on earth and it's as big of a contrast one can possibly have. Thank you for sharing your story and opening up about this cappy and thank you for always producing and uploading great content.

This channel has instilled in me a sense you are humorous, respectful, knowledgeable, and kind. You are a genuinely good person, it is obvious. Thanks for sharing Chris.

Hey man just wanted to tell you as an IRAQI who lived through all of it i feel the same way, war was horrible and impacted me alot, this video brought me back lots of memories, funny thing you were deployed near Taji my father worked there as civil enginner he owned a construction company and he worked with alot of US soliders so u might have even met him :D, Love your content

I don't think anyone can judge you!! We deal with situations as they present themselves. I take my hat off to you. Thanks for sharing your struggles x

I've been watching your vids for while now. Enjoying your humour and self-deprecation. This genuinely moved me. I also remember seeing someone die before my eyes for the first time. Couldn't forget it if I tried. This has been your most honest and revealing piece yet. Much respect Cappy. You're clearly a good man

I really appreciate this video. As someone who has struggled with suicide and lives on disability now, I truely feel thankful for people like you. Being able to share what you have experienced makes for a better community.

My father was a green beret and spent 2 tours in Vietnam. When I was a little kid I used to ask lots of general questions about it. But by the time I was old enough to want to know more specifics and what those specifics were, I had also become old enough to realize that I shouldn't press for those kinds of details out of respect. To this day I'm split on it. I truly want to hear what my father has to say in his own words about what he went through. From the best to the worst. He is my dad afterall. But at the same time, I don't want to open up any old wounds. I don't want to accidently leverage my position as his son to get him to talk about things he really wants to forget. To any vets or relatives of vets who reads this: Any suggestions?

Bless you for sharing your experience and its impact on you. I was a police officer for 33 years including spending a year in Afghanistan. People who have not lived your experience do not have a moral right to criticize it. I started to write a bit of a treatise here on dark humour as a coping mechanism but it is not appropriate in this forum. I am a Canadian and was proud to spend my time in Afghanistan working alongside NATO military including U.S. and I for one appreciate the service you made for your country and the strength you have shown by talking so frankly in this video . Please keep the videos coming.

Can't say that I understand what you are saying about experiencing the war because I can't, haven't fought in a war yet and hopefully, never will. My grandpa fought 2 wars, he told me bunch of stories about those wars. The friendships, the disasters, deaths,.... He cried sometimes too, at his age (92), almost all of his fellow comrades have died. He told me once that: "You cannot dodge a bullet, the bullet dodges you!". My mom, my dad grew up during the war, surviving all the bombing, famines, natural disasters, a war-torn country. That got me to feel thankful that I got the chance to live in a free, peaceful country. Thanks for sharing, been watching since COVID! You have helped me to understand more about geopolitical matters, weapons,.... Keep up the good work! GOD bless!

Thank you cappy for sharing with us your story. We may all be spare parts , but you’ve found yourself to be the OEM of these spare parts

One of your best videos ever! And I watch all of them. Respect. All volunteers should watch this

I completely understand. I love military history and tactics myself, it's one reason why I turn to this channel. But I abhor the actual reality of war. While I've never been to war, I've seen death and just regular death is sobering enough for me. Your humanity, and care about others is the other reason why I watch this channel. And this video really brings that home.

Chris, thank you for opening yourself up and sharing your story. I was in federal law enforcement for over 30 years and was involved in a number of shootings. I spent the last 16 years of my career as a trained peer support team member. I can tell you from experience that talking about the bad stuff helps your body and mind process what has happened to you and your experiences. You exhibit a strength that so many have a hard time developing. Great job making this video and I hope that many veterans who follow your videos will heed your suggestion at the end of the video.

Hey brother, I greatly appreciate you sharing this. I run a non-profit for veterans, and I am a vet myself. Didn't deploy. I frequently hear stories from the participants in my program. I value all of them, regardless of how painful they are. As hard as it is, every time we share a story, it becomes easier to process. Thank you

After my first “incidents”, I was in absolute awe at how vivid and intense my nightmares were. Those nightmares only started occurring/slamming me months (even close to a year), after the incidents initially occurred. Like most people, the nightmares started occurring after my anxiety became manageable, and I didn’t feel the need to always “look over my shoulder”, 24/7.

I give you lotta credit talking about it and letting people know how bad war is God bless

The suck is real! Warfare is fascinating, and it's a necessary evil. I was a surge (07-09) guy. Much love brother!

Cappie, IF anyone makes fun of you or says you are weak, screw them! You handled your situation as best you can and as well as anyone can. Thank you for sharing this with us. I hope it helps others who have gone through this will help. Even though you volunteered for combat we all owe every one of you our full support. I knew after the first few times of watching your vids I knew you were honest and trying to make our understanding better. You are making your goal! I love your wider-view videos because they do make me aware.

I’m a marine veteran who was deployed to Ramadi as a Truck detachment with 3/7. A lot of the guys with me had deployed and had a dark sense of humor and are some of the best fathers and friends I’ve ever seen. I think war does make you grow up in a way nothing else can. At the same time, you appreciate things more like a laugh at a brain eating dog. I was in charge of delivering supplies, not just to service members on FOBs, but to Iraqis. My shock was from the poverty created by war, the loss of their livelihood and their family. The grief was palpable and the appreciation of bringing water,fuel or food was understandably strong. It maybe that when these Iraqis saw me, even though I had a deadly weapon on all parts of my person, they were happy to see me helping. Honestly, I was just doing as I was told. My mind was first and foremost on the threat. The Iraqis and the FOBs must of been doing one hell of a job, because we expanded our areas of operation. I never went anywhere where there wasn’t at least 5-10 machine guns covering my 6. I got injured, but it was due to the dangers of working with heavy weights in a harsh environment and working with harsh chemicals. For that, I’m really thankful. Many guys talk about their disability rating. I’m glad for most of my life, turning 39 BTW, I don’t have to go to the VA. I’m sure the complications from my deployment will get me something like 10% one day, I’m thankful for all the days those guys have given me with my family with 5 kids. I appreciate what I have because it could always be worse. I really wish the best for the people of Iraq. I don’t know how there’s such a disconnect between their Ayatollahs and their federal government, but those Ayatollahs are true leaders and they saved their people from annihilation. I don’t pretend to know everything, but I know the sheep herder on the banks of the Euphrates River has as much right to live as some cleric issuing fatwas over something he knows nothing about. Stay blessed.

Cappy, thanks for sharing this story, I really appreciate you making this video, despite how hard or difficult it was

Thank you for what you are doing. My Dad, a surgeon nearing retirement from his time as a civilian doctor, went active and spent time in Mosul. He figured he was keeping a young MD just starting out from having to be boots in the dirt. He talked some about his time in Mosul.

Thank you for sharing. I was an 11A in the army and deployed to Iraq twice. Our stories and memories are important for this country. Thank you again and keep up the good work in your videos.

I’m the first member of either side of my family that did NOT joint the military. Dad side is American (USN, USMC) and mom’s side is Japanese (IJN, IJA). The sacrifices made by so many before me allowed me the opportunity to choose. I originally wanted to major in history, but ended up choosing international business so I could make a living. An understanding of history and geopolitics can help us benefit people around the world. An understanding of war is a key component to that greater understanding. War is not glorious, but blindly avoiding it or failing to understand and appreciate its cause and consequences is always disastrous. Your channel, and your service prior to that, is a great step in helping your viewers understand our complex world as it relates to military options. Good decision making comes from good information and I feel you provide your audience with exactly that. Thanks again for your service . . . In the past and now!!

A fellow Stryker Brother. 2nd ID 3rd Brigade 06-07 Iraq. Crazy time. Im thankful to still be here. 🙏🏽

I specialize in TBIs and have seen tens of thousands of patients over the years, many of them military personnel , over the years. 250,000-300,000 of our guys came back from the desert with TBIs. Those blast injuries shaking the brain. PTSD too in many more. It can be hard not to take on other people’s pain. But we gotta get that stuff out and share it with others or else it can eat us up. It’s my mission. Just like you had yours and it is a heavy weight to carry at times. But I love it like you loved a lot of what your job was back then and you have turned that into educating us in a very special way. You got the mojo workin’

Thanks for sharing Cappy. This reminds of one of FDR's quotes: "I have seen war. I have seen war on land and sea. I have seen blood running from the wounded...I have seen the dead in the mud. I have seen cities destroyed...I have seen children starving. I have seen the agony of mothers and wives. I hate war."

I grew up during a civil war in my homeland (talk about war being worthless). Your experience and explanation really helped me realize why dark humor has always helped me get through difficult times. It is strange how universal of a coping mechanism humor truly is and probably the only reason I and many others have not gone completely insane, when a rational reaction or escape is not an option.

Thank you Chris, this video was probably hard to make, but I salute you and what you went through. Too many people don't understand what war does to people, and that's part of the problem, why some are so eager to go to war. I've been listening to your channel for about a year now, and I have enjoyed your take on things and how it's remained an objective look at various theatres and issues... You know what's up. As Maj. Dick Winters would say: "Hang tough", and keep telling it like it is.