How to cope when life is terrible 

"Go outside and crack a whip" definitely sounds like some kind of Aussie drug slang, lol.

Dealing with life is easy on paper and brutally difficult in reality

Your openness is refreashing. The internet is so full of "life perfectness". I helps to know that people on the internet have the same bumps and struggles in life as the rest of us. Naomi seems like a bundle of joy, good friends are top tier important:)

Thank you so much for providing support - I've been having a rough two years and this video came out at the best time possible. I'm struggling and some of your suggestions will ideally help me through this rough time!

I read about 8,000 pages of fantasy novels in the first year of grief. I haven’t gotten to a place where I can talk about it publicly yet. But my heart was with you when you said google was reminding you about your dad’s birthday. Sometimes I’ll click an instagram profile and see it was someone they were following. Grief in the digital age is so bizarre. Sending you solidarity and care.

My life has gotten worse for the past 4 years. Tried to go through recovery last year and couldn't manage it. This year has been going better so far. It's an uphill struggle. We need more compassion for each other!

I will absolutely agree with exercise. After my father passed away, I went into a deep pit, left my girl friend and eventually got exploited by a psychiatrist. But in the midst of all that, I started working as a removallist and driver, the work didn't pay the best, but the physical activity absolutely boosted my mood and I will confidently say that getting that job was the point my life started looking up.

Thank you. You literally helped me to get out of bed and go for a walk today. I am grateful that you made this video.

Nessy, I´m so sorry. I also lost my dad 4 months ago, it was completely out of nowhere. Grief has been awful. Luna was adorable, hugs! Thank you for sharing your story and coping skills!

I like seeing Sydney in the background of this video, the familiarity is comforting

I'm sorry for your losses. It feels like so many people are going through tough times these days. We will get through it though! You just keep going, especially when it gets hard. It's okay to ask for help. Be kind to yourself.

One thing that helped me trough a few years of depression was acknowledging and reminding myself that the visceral feelings, just being sad, tired, or just done with it all is okay too, in its own twisted way. It sucks... yes, but depression is a valid emotion just like any other, and thus deserves respect and attention simply for existing. But with todays mentality of having to fix EVERYTHING asap (and individualism telling you it is YOUR OWN responsibility to feel good) you are at the risk of feeling rushed to get better, or getting annoyed/overwhelmed when people/resources around all tell you to get yourself together. (also if they do care and say this in a positive way, it can still be annoying to constantly deal with) The way modern society looks at fixing mental health in itself can be draining in such a vulnerable time, where all scarce energy counts. It is important to remind yourself every once in a while there's (most often) a reason you feel bad, and it has a corresponding physical state with it that influences how you feel. (depression actually changes the brain's structure for one thing) These emotions are real and valid, so you have no choice but to respect them and work WITH the feelings to eventually start feeling better. Putting all negativity in damnation is not the solution, it is instead looking away and not facing what you have to go trough, whatever it may be for you. All the best to anyone who is or has suffered from depression - a random Dutch fellow in his twenties

April last year I found my dad dead in his bed, I tried to resuscitate but failed. A couple of months after that I had to have a critical surgery done and after that I had a really big health scare. All in all I had a pretty terrible year but it's strange, A month or two ago I just started appreciating my life and somehow got a second wind and felt terribly motivated. Now I'm sitting here kind of happy to be honest. I'm working out like crazy and am focussing on my mental and physical health. Science really helped me cope. After I found my dad, the first thing I did when I got home is watch a lecture from a neuroscientist on how to cope with grief which helped me tons. Thanks for your video, it's always bittersweet to hear someone else going through difficult stuff but coming out stronger at the other end. Great job!

I found your channel a few years ago. It was during recovery from a TBI. My brain felt like an empty cup...few memories about my life or what I had done before. There are many parks where I live and I began to reconstruct a life with a new focus. I want you to know how much your videos helped me move beyond my brain injury....your dog helped too. Thank you. I have stopped trying to recover old memories and work on creating new ones. Again thank you for making content that is helpful and practical that I can use in my own reconstruction project...my life after a TBI.

I say it like that Star Trek character's name, because I grew up watching Star Trek.

The hardest part of the journey of self-healing is starting it.

When my dog died 2.5 years ago, I spent several months feeling really sad. I started having panic attacks so I started seeing a counselor and taking some meds for anxiety. Spending time with him was part of my daily routine so it was hard for me to live without him. I'm sorry that you lost part of your family.

Wonderful timing for me. High school science teacher, currently off work with 'burnout'. Feeling like I have been emotionally and physically sandblasted by the kids and school processes, so looking for ways of getting back to myself in a regional town where I am alone and so far from the people I can comfortably share with.

❤ Love the data-data discussion at the end. UK “DAY-TA” speaker here. Wishing you well. Sometimes “things” stack up. Thankfully we’re all different and must remember that “averages” are not targets, plus there’s no right or wrong for most of these things.

I know how you feel. My mother went through a 5 year ordeal waiting on hip replacements and being housebound because of cellulitis infections and COVID lockdowns. Then after physiotherapy she had two months of being able to walk again before getting a rare cancer and then passing away in 6 months. She never got to do any of the things she wanted to do. I also was also left with the burden of managing her affairs on top of grieving for most of last year. Everything felt so unfair. However like many things it was a learning opportunity and it made me take a hard look at how I was living my own life and make changes to be happier and healthier. It wasn't an easy climb out of depression but now I'm feeling much better.

Thanks for sharing this. I have also had a terrible year: loss of my cat after a long illness, loss of a close friend and colleagues, caring for my ailing mother (whom I almost lost), child's serial health issues, flooding in my home over the holidays, my own illness, and various other matters that have made the burdens seem incessant. From previous terrible years and losses, I learned to remind myself that there is more -- and better -- by trying to find laughter each day. If I haven't directly encountered it in the course of my day, I'll watch a funny show on TV or hop on RU-vid and watch a channel that I know is reliably funny. It doesn't mean that I laugh each time, but it does mean than I'm exposing myself to people who are in a brighter frame of mind. Through reminders or distractions, this helps pull me away from the constant weight, or at least show me that life isn't all heaviness. It's not an even path out of this, but this, along with the sound methods you mention in this video and good friends, help to smooth the path. I wish you and the viewers of this video good luck on your journeys. 🙏💗

My cat died a year or two ago and it hit me harder than any human death ever hit me for some reason. Probably because I had to make the decision to finally get her put down. I was having that physical pain that you get in your chest from loss/mourning, which was fine; but as the days turned into weeks, one of the things I eventually realised was that I was randomly getting that "mourning pain" for no reason, and then my brain would immediately go and dig up a memory to match the feeling. And it would usually serve me up the most recent bad memories of my cat dying. It's really quite subtle how it happens. I didn't realise it at first, until one day it hit me because it took a fraction of a second for my brain to find a suitably sad memory, and I was like _"Why am I sad...? Hang on a feakin' minute, this is the wrong way around, the memory should come first, and then the pain!"_ It was like my body was so used to giving me that bad feeling after mourning, that it started randomly dishing it out to me, and my brain would politely oblige by serving up a memory to match it. After I realised this it made it much easier to deal with because I knew it was just a stupid automated response from my body. It kind of felt like the way our brain gives us cravings when we are addicted to stuff, and the physical feeling just pops up without warning, and then the brain says "Yes, give me coffee/cigarettes/etc!"

Glad to hear you are feeling more content. Thank you for sharing. ❤

I'm really glad you finished this video with a YMMV caveat. I love that your dah-ta based approach worked for you: what a joy to find the algorithm that works! I'm in the middle of an extended period of grief and sadness. For me, the strategy has been to accept that I am unhappy, and I don't know when that will change, or how. So instead of trying to fight my sadness, I accept it, and instead of trying to be happy, I try to be useful. I've pivoted to helping other people. That way, while I'm unhappy, I can still contribute to my community's overall happiness. I spend my day helping, and then in the evening, when I'm unhappy, I can tell myself I helped today. Other people are better off because of me. It's the best virtue I can make of this necessity. It's a privilege I make the most of. Best wishes.

Happy to see you back and Im sure you will work thru everything and will continue to be fine.

Merely seeing your positive vibes made me feel a bit better today too! - Thanks and all the best :)

Thanks for this video. I'll put it in its own special Playlist and watch it more in the future.

Thank you for sharing that, I understand how hard it must have been. I had an awful year too and struggled massively at times. I will take your findings on board and give them a go

Those are some really hard things. 😢 Thank you for sharing your journey and the things that worked for you!

You are amazing and you have inspired me in so many ways. I’m following you since 2014, now it’s been ten years! I’ve seen Luna so many times, your travelling year, your grandma once, your statue, always admiring that delicate way you let bits of your private life leak out from your very professional videos. I’m so sorry for your losses and health problems. Please accept my hug. Take care of yourself Vanessa 💛 - Valeria (from Italy)

Thank you so much for this - I really needed it. The moment where you said you're hyper aware it's your dad's birthday hit so close to home. My dad's birthday would have been a few days ago. Grief is awful. I'm so sorry for your losses. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. 💛

Thanks for sharing this😊

thank you for sharing. this helps with myself, and I believe others who I will share this with as well! Please continue to thrive and keep making the world a better and happier place!

Glad to hear you found some pathways through your challenges and also have been willing to document and share with your audience. Great reminders for me when I’m struggling that we kind of know the general solutions, we just have to remember to do them.

I've been subscribed for a long time, and I intermittently have been watching your stuff for just as long. Thanks for the video, but also thank you for the life update! It was obviously a lot that you had to deal with very suddenly, and I'm glad to hear that you've personally been taking steps to fight back against depression and overall life pain. You couldn't be more right that life is just... hard. People don't acknowledge that enough I feel.

❤❤❤ thankyou for sharing Nessy, we often get caught up in our own struggles and forget that so many people go through hardships everyday and you feel as if life has singled you out , sorry to hear about your father passing and losing Luna as well. Always love seeing your content on youtube ❤❤❤

Thank you so much for sharing your journey and your struggles. It's inspiring! 🤗❤️ I'm excited to try some of the science-based solutions you’ve shared.

Sorry to hear about the loss you've experienced over the year, I hope the future holds brighter things for you

Thank you for sharing. Something I have learned is sharing helps and it also makes you realise your not alone.

You're one of the really, really good ones and you're never far from my thoughts. I think about you often. Keep being you!

It really sucks to learn that you had a very challenging year. Like many of your videos' viewers, I'm glad you got through it. Hopefully your experience will make you more resilient should your life drift into similar turbulence later in life. I'm glad that quitting alcohol helped you. In my experience, quitting alcohol didn't seem to make things better for me, although it could be argued that maybe if I was still drinking that the difficulties in my life would have been compounded. To end with, it's great to see that you were able to push yourself to exercise when times were tough and that it helped you.

This is so beautiful and important. So glad you (and everyone watching) have found your path or whatever. Life is so hard, and it's always so hard to know what to do. It's wonderful when we can help each other with stuff that helps. Just know we adore you when we get to see you, and we pressurelessly miss you when you're gone!

Life has been getting rough for me gradually over the past couple of months. It was good to know I wasn't alone in suffering. Once I got my energy back, it surprised me how well exercising helped with maintaining my stress. I'm sorry for all your losses. Thank you for your vulnerability and for sharing what you learned. I hope life goes smoothly for you as much as possible.

This was nice. Thanks

Thank you for this video - I appreciate your willingness to be open about struggles. We all struggle, and seeing someone be honest about dealing with life is refreshing. I was diagnosed with ME/CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) and have been ill since 2012. To say it's been terrible is an understatement. Common advice to lift a mood is exercise, which is really hard when even walking around the block can fatigue my body so much that it doesn't work for days.

Nice when a video like this pops up, thanks for sharing

This is a much-needed video - thank you. And I am happy for you :)

I'm just glad to hear that you're feeling better. I appreciate you having the strength to take this step and also for trying to make the most out of a really tough situation. On the positive, though, I feel like these changes will lead you to even further improvements in your quality of life. Sending lots of love your way

Hope you're doing better now! Guess that's a sign to start my workout again too and see what I can do with my life Thank you!

Thank you for sharing! Grief is uniquely experienced and handled, but foundational elements you mentioned are at the core of coping. Naomi does awesome camera work! …and pronounces “data” how I learned (based off the character Data on Star Trek: The Next Generation).

I'm so glad you're back and you're okay!

Glad you're still kickin!

Sorry to hear about your recent life shittiness, Nessy. I hope you continue to find ways to cope with it all. Having a routine, any routine, definitely helps me with managing my combination of avoidance, anxiety and depression. I've actually gotten into a good run of exercise, sustained now since last August (so coming up 8 months). That was for different reasons (weight loss, especially my small belly that still pokes out), but I can see how it might be helpful in other ways too.

I've been a long time subscriber. I noticed your content was infrequent and the things you posted were often about dealing with anxiety which had me worried about you. I'm really glad to see you're doing better, I know that hitting a dark spot can often make you feel like you'll always feel like that. 76 days ago I started to journal before my day started in the morning. It was usually about things I was going to deal with, but also included things that happened the day before. I didn't realize this until a few days ago but I was using cognitive restructuring, essentially taking a situation that was happening or about to happen and changing the way I interpreted. I write in the 2nd person perspective by writing to myself much like a good friend would. It's had such an amazing change in my mindset in the slightly less than 3 months since I started this that I'm honestly blown away. Sorry, ADHD Rambles! Anyways, thanks for the update. Here's to hoping things continue on the upswing!

Thank you ❤ this helped me.

This means a lot. Thank you.

I love that you scienced this ❤ Also, totally giving Daylio another shot 😅

I came in this year in a bad shape and it has been rough for me too... also lost a family member and before that, the depression that I thought I've gotten rid of came back swinging... lost my job because of that and it brought a whole different kind of problem... ufff but you seem to be on the right track, sports is a good way to release all that pent up frustration... I also started exercising body and mind, lifting weights and learning a new language to keep myself busy and to have a somewhat sense of normality (that's if one could call weighing all your meals and planning your diet strictly, a normal thing)... showing gratitude sounds like a good idea, I might start trying that app out... thanks for the tip ^...^ and keep fighting, you got this!!!

Thanks for talking about the HPA axis

Glad you are recovering well, looking forward to good informative content.

YOU ARE STRONG!! MAY GOD BLESS YOU 🙏🙏🧿🧿

Thank you for this. It feels so hard, in the depths of grief, to start these things. But they're all so important.

Dayta/Datta discourse! Glad to see you are well.

I'm really, really sorry for your losses Nessy. But all the same I'm glad you're starting to come out of the other side. And it's pretty cool the way in which you're doing that, and sharing that with the world. There needs to be more acceptance that life can just be hard sometimes but there will always be at least some joy when we look in the right places

I had such a bad time in my life around 15 yrs ago. those days there were not many videos on internet or so. I didnt use any medicaments just try to meditate, no alcohol, a lot of sport (swimming, bike, hikes, saunas, cold water after showers etc) took me longer to recover than by using medicaments/sedatives etc but I stay stronger. I knew some ppl going through the same using medicine drugs. They recovered faster but I believe I am strong enough now to go any such problems/issues in my life easier as my mind strenghten by itself - fighting it. Wish u all the best. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I used to watch your videos a lot and I am sure they helped a lot of ppl to lear new things and I appreciate your great job. U seem to be very nice person :)

The covid time was very similar to me. I am still somewhat in the recovery phase. Thanks your honesty and tips :)

Right now I'm in a really tough place in my life and I will also have a tough talk in a couple of minutes. This video was just what I needed, when I needed it.

Thanks for sharing Vanessa. I wish you well. Having to say goodbye to someone is hard, when there's still a lot that you wanted to say to them or do with them. We're ruminating all those thoughts on and on and it's hard to let go. To my experience being in a bad period in life is a vicious circle, that you only can get yourself out of if you force yourself, like you mentioned, by starting another regime. But having someone who will drag out of the circle would also helps a lot. One of my Achilles heel is eating (to much) refined sugars. Yes, it's an short impulse on my dopamine levels, but makes me feel worse afterwards, falling back into the vicious circle of eating bad, not exercising and ruminating. I will try your tips and see if I can not only start to break out, but also keep out.

Hey Vanessa, I just wanna congratulations of making it through all that. Life is hard, not infrequently unnecessarily so and it's good that this is being talked about more :)

I had my own tough year 4 years ago. I'm really suprised on how similarly things worked for us such as low grade exercise (cycling) and gratitude journalling. Without an App at the time I wrote sort term and long term plans. I crossed out things I've overcome from the lists to build back self confidence and self value. I'm happy you're back making vids but take it easier this time.

I relate a lot to your video. My father passed away last year as well and his bday was just a few days ago. He had acute myeloid Leukemia and passed away one month after his diagnosis. Loosing a parent can really shake up your whole world. Change your habits, who you want to talk to, how you think… things will never be the same. I hope that as time goes by you can find a new normal that can give you joy ❤

One thing I find therapeutic is a game called Space Engineers. I can build ships, rovers, space stations using dozens of blocks. It takes me back to when I was a boy building with Legos. My imagination and design juices flow, along with critical thinking and mechanical thought put into functionality. It is pure bliss.

I'm sorry to hear what you went through. If it's of any help, your videos have been one of the few things that actually helped me through my dark times. I hope you had a BrainCraft of your own to find comfort. Anyway, thanks for all the hard work over the years. The world is a bit better because your content exists.

I love this video. I have bipolar disorder so I've battled with depression and anxiety for most of my life and I have found the same thing with exercise and avoiding alcohol, these two things really make such a difference!

❤️❤️❤️ Thanks for your vids ❤️❤️❤️

very thoughtful video :)

Stay strong and try to enjoy life each day as it comes, like stay in the present tense, enjoy the moment, not reflect on the past or worry about the future. You have my deepest sympathy about losing your father - I lost mine last year and life has been quite challenging since, but one must fight the good fight and cope with it and deal with it. Thank you for sharing your strength against this Life thing!

OMG! I did notice you were not posting as regularly as before but it never crossed my mind all this happened to you!!! But it's ok! You gave yourself a break and focused on yourself, which is the best anyone could do! Love your videos!!!! Cheers!!!! Keep doing you thing! 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

Having studied about Positive Psychology for my thesis, I am aware that many of the healthy coping methods not only draw one out of psychological diseases but if practiced regularly even when all is psychologically well create the buffers to stressors. Of course, a challenge is consistently practicing these "exercises."

As someone else who had by far the worst year of their life, and who unforfunatrly can't do most of the things in the video because of health reasons. Your openness was still very helpful, and i hope it gets better💜

Watching this video felt good. Take your time. We will all get there.

This past year has been the worst year of my life. I've lost so much, and still am. I still have my career and my health, but I've lost almost everything else that matters. Coping is difficult when it feels relentless. Thank you for posting this.

I sorry for your lost. Last month i also felt same. My dog die last month.

My father also passed away suddenly and unexpectedly last year. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it has been really challenging to deal with, especially when compounded by everything else you are going through. Thank you for making this video, it has given me some ideas to try to try to cope better. I feel like I've gotten better, but everyday is still hard. I'm sure your dad was, and still is somewhere, very proud of you. ♥

Thanks for sharing! Enjoyed the data vs data discussion. Cache vs cache is another pronunciation issue for us American's living in Australia. #BraveForSharing #VulnerablityIsAStrength #DangUrCute

I saw the first episode of Crash Course Public Health a couple of days ago and wondered what you were up to. Glad to see you’re getting through this… At the start of last year I let go (“fired”) a stressful client at work. The psychological benefits more than made up for lost revenue, but I really had to be determined and resolute about it to go though with it.

I am grateful for your vedio. Thank you!

Data! Well done. It's an impressive feat.

Awesome video. I felt like you were genuinely (trying to) talking to a friend. =)

Let's take a moment to appreciate your friend who's filming. They sound like an absolute legend! Sending you both lots of happiness. x

I have been to the same place and it was pretty tough; my experience mirrored yours and I think you've given some amazing advice here. I also found that reducing the amount of caffeine I was consuming or consumer a lesser amount by switching to black tea or even green tea was pretty helpful. Ram Dass just published a really good audiobook about reducing suffering called "Becoming Nobody". I'm listening to it right now and it's really quite insightful on the struggle of being a human being.

Very glad to see you better. I wish you a net positive for every day of your life. May your data show a strong bias towards greatness!

RIP to your dad.. I loved the video

I, too, have had 2 worst years of my life. Thank you, acquired chronic nerve pain! Trigeminal, of all things. Things that worked: - exercise when possible (pain did get in the way) - friends - support groups - small routines (tea in the evening, coffee when possible) - dropped alcohol and stimulants (e.g. decaf coffee only) - going out with family to restaurants more - routine walk while listening to podcasts - ASMR for sleep - games, movies, series, when possible (pain got in the way there, too) - work (as a distraction) - in the worst of it, anti depressant medication, but mostly to get you out of the very bottom where nothing else worked Still recovering, but hopefully, this crap pain will end soon.

DAAARTAAAR!!! gave me joy :)

I’m struggling with really low energy. I’m not sure how to add in a number of extra exhausting tasks when I can’t handle daily functioning already. 😢

I loved the moment when you and your friend gush over data. ❤ Friendship ❤

I love that walkway from Central station down to Chinatown. Dumplings should also be part of any recovery plan

Been using daylio for a long time and found it helpful. A bit limited, but helpful. But sadly at some point, everything became too much and I couldn't do any of my self care routines anymore including daylio, until this very day.

I hope your medical issues are behind you now. My condolences on your losses. May your next year be a big improvement!