“I forgive you” = “I release you, and all the pain and suffering being tied to you comes along with. I release our association. You are forgiven any outstanding debt to me, emotional, physical, or otherwise, in order for me to break free from the likely possibility of future losses with you.”
So powerful! I had a hard time setting boundaries with a good friend, because if this, I did something I wasn't able to do. As a result I fell and hurt myself and now I have a physical ailment that I have to live with for the rest of my life.
It took me 50 years to say no to my mother. Her jaw dropped and she went very quiet. My father had said to me the week before that I was old enough to decide for myself. It felt amazing even though I was dreading telling her no.
I’ve watched like 6-8 of these type of videos. This one really broke it down properly and explained forgiveness in a way that doesn’t hurt my ego lol. Thank you for the Cinderella bit, it’s really struck a chord with me.
@@kiturselassie813 unfortunately, that's when kindness is required more... Being Kind is a superpower, so don't care about others not acknowledging it :)
That’s where I went wrong 😑 I was renewing relationships with people who violated me rather than letting them go. I was attached to a belief and that belief became an excuse and Had remained an excuse. I’m finally saying to HELL with excuses they only attract more excuses on top of other excuses on top of peoples excuses and giving people passes because of my own excuse. I Now know what I will and won’t tolerate. Thanks.
Real friends don't expect anything from you. I'll be happy to help them when it is a REAL friendship. When it's reciprocal. Or I then just "Kindly separate" from them.
Helping people in need, and letting people take advantage of you, are totally two separate things. When you confront the abuser, they tell you you didn't want to help me, I answer this is not help you are abusing me!
I was raised to be a 'door mat'....now my little granddaughter is always being put down, ignored by both parents...so in each home...she has to 'Fawn'......wants to live with me...which angers both parents...
Dr Paul. Are you a born again Christian? I really enjoy your talks and definitely take your suggestions through a biblical filter. Thanks for being out there. If you do know the Lord, speak of him! People listen to you! You have great energy and such a personable way.
I just found your page today and I actually think it's better that you don't involve god in your message. You can reach more people that way. I believe in god, but it's just not necessary to tie everything to religion. Thank you for the great advice on your channel.
You are awesome and right on the mark with this video!!!!! Humanity do ya want to move ahead?? Watch this video and practice it daily!!!! Truth is Fabulous ! And speaking the truth is the way forward! Thank you!
I'm really need to do this..I keep thinking I already did but I don't think I really do for a certain someone..I never this..thank you Dr Paul..Ive been working on this abusive marriage way to long..
That is one of my problems it’s a type of bullying but I just feel like if I don’t listen to them I’m being mean and when I try to say no they call me mean and I want to be nice so I just give them what they want and I just can’t stop they use me for game passes that cost money they say they will pay me back but they never do so I sad that’s the way mine goes
I have been taken advantage of all my life. There is no way I can/or will fogive or forget these people. I don't have a clue how to do that. All scars do NOT HEAL.
i got taken advantage of today. someone asked if i could pay for their stuff and i ended up spending more on them than i did myself. i need help fixing this, and this helped.
I love your video as always!!! I have a question tough... You are offered a present, if you refuse it : "you don't trust me" *cry *tear *rage If you accept it, it will be turned against you as soon as you're not "perfect" *cry *tear *rage I generapy refuse presents or help as a general rule of thumb unless i REALLY trust the person Are people doing that conciously? Is it a game they play against you? or against them?? What is it really? lol The human mind fascinates me and I LOVE your videos!!! Keep em coming, I learn a lot from them and it helps me with my kids and in my job
Sendapaul, It sounds as though there is a specific person you have in mind with this situation. That is not the case with most people and gifts. I would try some communication so they understand that you feel the gift has strings. Thank you for watching.
Thanks for this. I am currently working on either releasing or renewing some family relationships but renewing seems impossible since there is no communication and a lot of toxicity and releasing really seems hard too(culturally).
Set boundries and stick to them. If they don’t respect your boundries. Release. You’ll be shocked how good no contact works too if necessary. Family or not I need SANITY and PEACE. I’ve done this. And 3 yrs later. What a difference. Plus I forgave and am totally healed. But now they know I mean what I say. I will not take that abuse from anyone. And believe me. They treat me much better now. And don’t let them cross the boundries. I just can’t have these toxic relationships. Life is short. My time is worth more then $$$. You don’t have today tomorrow. And I’m going to be happy, with or without you! Your choice. 🤷♀️
I was wondering about the Cinderella story. Do you think she would have forgiven them if she was still living in the same house with them and didn’t have her “ happily ever after “ I think it’s much more difficult if you leave in the same space with people who take advantage of you. What do you do then?
nelo4real1, thank you for watching and trying to understand. There is no real way to tell for sure, but Cinderella seemed to be kind at heart. So yes, I think she would have forgiven her step family. It can be more difficult when you remain in the family. However, I truly believe 2 things: 1) Hurt people hurt people; meaning, those who are hurting on the inside tend to inflict pain on others. 2) People do the best they can with the knowledge and resources they have at the time. If someone doesn't know how to behave, or has untreated past trauma, or doesn't have good coping skills, then their behavior toward others will most likely be unpleasant. That doesn't mean you have to put up with it. If you feel comfortable doing so, you can suggest counseling to the struggling person. You can also learn how to be assertive so people are less likely to take advantage of you. Here is a video I have on the subject: "How To Develop Assertiveness" - ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-mr2Y2gAYqn8.html
Forgiveness is only extended when someone is sorry. Confession and forgiveness are two sides of the same coin and for the purpose of reconciling a relationship. A relationship cannot be reconciled when the offender is not sorry. Its alright not to forgive someone who is not sorry, in fact, it is best. A society that has no consequences is one that harms the victims while protecting the perps. We are called to forgive only when someone is sorry, this will remove any sense of holding a grudge. We are not holding a grudge by not forgiving those who are not sorry, we are hopeful they will one day want to repent but if they do not we must move on with our lives feeling no guilt about not forgiving them.
I think what he is saying is highly dependent on culture and religion. In my religion we say, "I have left you with God". Meaning am letting go of the hurt you caused me and moving on with my life but God will judge and punish you for what you have done. I personally think that that is a better way of looking at it. There are people who have hurt me that I will never forgive. But I don't even think about them anymore. Honestly I can barely remember their names. I left them with God and that is that.
It is about moving on in our lives and not being held back by them. We may not have a relationship with them going forward, but we do want to go forward, not be stuck in the past.
I have a brother who has been a stinker in his relationships. He wrote and said that he is sorry and wants a relationship. I am struggling with these dynamics.
I make recognition of this abuse of kindness with a client that sort to befriend me for free labor. They would buy me lunch offer me things but when it comes to the work and extras they need done, they will never ask for a cost. Having recognize this, I stop doing the extras and dancing to their drum beat. All at a sudden, no more calling to find out how my day is going or how am doing and no more offering of the unnecessary. How did I stop this? Simply by not accepting their gifts and doing things at their demand, more so by giving a cost before the work and not after the finish of the job..
My worry is for my overly generous parents. There’s so many wolves to take their kindness and hard worked means for granted. As their son I try to look out for them but some people just don’t know when to stop. At my parents age they don’t need that hassle. What advice could anyone give me please?
I don't know any of the specifics and wonder your motivation is. Talk to your parents about boundaries and what they are comfortable doing and let them know that when they are interested you have some ideas.
Any customer had been cheating by masses or taking advantage there must be any technical laws or protection to the sufferer customer the very company must use it because may some of the customer don't have knowledge regarding it.
It used to happen to me all the time because I was raised to be kind, caring, considerate etc. I knew I was being taken advantage of but felt powerless to stop it. Until, one night I had this terrible dream whereby they were doing all these dreadful things to buy I was no longer powerless to stop them. I noticed my hands and feet had grown these razor sharp spurs and claws etc. In the dream, of course, not reality. And I simply said STOP to those using me but they just laughed at me and said "What are you going to do about it? " I didn't respond with mere words. I attacked them with my spurs. I'd didn't care how much damage I did to them. They all took off yelling in extreme pain. I just sighed a sigh of relief and thought. "That's that problem solved! No more trouble from them now. " And I made myself a cup of tea to relax and enjoy my new found peace and freedom from being used. It was such an awful dream and when I woke up and recalled it, I felt so ashamed and disgusted about being so nasty and cruel to my "users" but then I though t about it and realised they really did deserve what they got or even worse. For doing what they did to me. And I stopped feeling bad about my reaction to such using. After that dream, my life changed forever. People no longer get to use me so easily now. Whenever I sense someone is about to try it, I imagine I am in that dream again, with my razor sharp deadly spurs and claws and as soon as I detect their first move to try and use me, I attack. Not in reality, just in my own mind. I don't say anything. But they must sense something... Because they just back off, like I want them to. A it takes is just one certain look and they get the message that they picked the wrong target and this target is no soft target. The sorts of people who use others are predatory eg bullies, opportunists. They do it because it's easy and because they can. And they can because you let them. You make it easy to use you. Some even invite others to use them. Often they are females, who are totally unaware of how they do this in and get a shock when it actually starts to happen and it hurts. This is because we were raised in a different sort of era and society where being good, kind, caring, honest, trusting etc could get a good female what she wanted out of life. But now we are in a completely changed social reality, thanks to feminism, and none what worked in the past eg being good and kind etc works now. If you keep being this way, as older women are, you only end up used. So there is a need to change, to adapt to am altered social reality when only the toughest, meanest and most aggressively competitive and nastiest of women can succeed. If a woman cannot accept this ugly modern feminist driven social reality and adjust to deal with it, her choices are now very limited. Try and survive completely alone, like a hermit or suicide. It's pretty grim. But those are the choices feminism offers to modern womanhood. And it now, this very toxic socially destructive political greed and power driven feminist ideaology is cause as much damage to other women as it has caused to men it has completely destroyed the lives of.
This video was just what I needed. You can never tell when some of the most important information comes through ,(4:40am) West coast,CA. I feel better already🐱
Will you please 🥺 ❤️ answer me? Today in my classroom while giving my attendance, The other girls didn't pass me the attendance sheet. I said them wait!? But they ignored my presence and submitted those sheet to teacher quickly.. I am the quietest person in the room but i was been taken advantage of it! What should I do I felt like crying...nobody helped me ..
I have given to my supposed friend! I am full time so I have benefits and she doesn’t plus she was down on her luck. I bought many lunches for her, lent her my debit card, bought her bake goods when I would bake, gave her things and gave her half my migraine medications cuz she was a sufferer too. Where is she now? She can’t even txt me! I am done with ppl
@@LiveOnPurposeTV update: I did. She is totally stressed out. The air is cleared and it was wrong of me to assume. Thank you for the advice! Your so kind! ❤️
My old greedy friend: - Spent $60 whenever I offered to pay for his food - Threated to snitch his cousin which was gonna ruin her life, for a reward of $100 - Demanded $2 from our classmate everyday for 4-5 months (If not payed then he will get blackmailed) - Borrows money from everyone but never pays on time or never pays at all - When me and my friends ditched him cuz we hated him, he became friends with this rich guy and after a week of being “friends” he demanded a $500 off white hoodie. Cuz he knows that friend gives expensive gifts to his friends. - flexes his money and acts cool even though most of his money is stolen, forcibly claimed,gifts.
Live On Purpose TV thats why we ditched him, in filipino its called “mukang pera” which means you look like money cuz it is all that matters in your life.
I have a friend that will make plans with me but then text me saying that we need to change the time or the day even. So I’ve agreed initially to hanging out or to having them come by to get something...that I purchased for them per their request...but then they change the plan and I don’t like the new plan. How do I communicate that if I make a plan with you and you change that plan...I have the right to not agree to it anymore? I know she is a mother of a young child and she handles most if not all of that responsibility, but why make a plan in the first place? Unless she is making a plan with me based on what she thinks I’ll accept not what actually works for her that, for the sake purpose of having me locked in, then she knows she is going to change the plan the next day and it’ll work out because I’m already “locked in”. Could you do a video on a topic like this? I don’t know how to end the cycle.
Jennifer Trimble, just decline to make plans in the future and tell her when she is available to call you and if you are available you can get together. Some friendships fizzle and yours might be one of those.
"Forgiveness" for me is forgetting. Stopping the wasting of time thinking about unproductive things or irritating people. Obviously, the disengagement works better if you don't live or work with the triggering situations or individuals. 😄
my "best friend" took advantage of me.. i was her first sub and she doesnt even care anymore i gave her lots of unrelenting support (sorry for the bad spelling) and she barely gave me support
What if your manager take advantage of you because you always says ok when she asked for something when she needed! My manger is taking my kindness for weakness. I’m so upset 😞 please help..... Any suggestions?🙏🏼
Thank you for watching, Ngawang thupten Luksang samkyi. I hope the tips in this video gave you some good ideas. Another one you might want to watch is: "How To Develop Assertiveness" - ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-mr2Y2gAYqn8.html One thing you can start with is by telling your manager no. You don't have to do it harshly or apologetically. Be firm but kind. You need some "you" time, and cannot be expected to allow work to interfere with your personal life.
Like my landlord and roommates ....they just leave messes and never wipe up or clean up or help ...it's all about them and now I can't use air-condition or heat only when he wants it on ...I pay my rent 950 ...for just a room and my utilities but because they don't I can't ....I'm so mad ..I tx my landlord this is not acceptable ..I'm disabled ,I had heat stroke because of the games they play here not letting me cool the room down or house ....would they do that to their own mom or Gramma ...heck no but they think they can take advantage of me ...pay more money pay their mortgage but don't live there ...it's not right and I let them know ..maybe I need a lawyer cuz I have nothing in writing saying I can not use the air or heat .. for 6 months everybody's been using it and doing whatever they want... I am really really upset about this it's not right I pay good money to live here and it went from 9:50 to $200 a month in utilities I don't know why I asked him to see the utility bill and I'm still waiting for the bill... Trying to say it's $800 a month in utilities I don't think so dude.
I’ve never really understood this sentiment and it feels situational. I have a friend who had a violent traumatic childhood. He is a Taker and manipulative. I don’t plan on confronting him - my action has been to set boundaries with him and withdraw after analyzing him as this is a big part of who he is at this point and it’s not my job to change people. So what i’m wondering is hypothetically.. ok I just figured it out. Instead of saying (A bunch of great qualities about him) “but” (explain how his manipulation makes people not want to be in the relationship) It would be better to say “Now that said” or keep the sentences separate. In essence you’re communicating similar info but you’re avoiding using “but” which is widely held to not be a good way to communicate sincere positive feelings, only negative sentiments.
If you let people know up front in a relationship or coworker ship,partnership in bzness, etc what you will and will accept is ground rules. If you say in the first offense this is not acceptable but I forgive you, this is suffice. Forgiveness is letting go as life is to snort but if someone leeches on you for money a place to live a hard reality check is needed and for some ppl they dont learn or get the hint. For instance, this man kept leaving his dishes around never cleaned up the housemate said please clean up, she would say oh ok your running late. She set rules ahead. Boundaries are good but this guy a slob. So the roommate who’s also a landlord, put all the dirty dishes glass crumbs of food on his bed, the. He got the message.
