I hope you liked today's video! It took me an obscene amount of time to make it happen. To let you know, I've burnt myself out hard over the past months due to me making 4 hours worth of video essays. I'll be taking a 1-2 month break from RU-vid and I'll be spending that time editing my sci-fi novel which I'll *hopefully* have out early next year. So if you see I haven't uploaded in over a month, know that I'm not dead... probably :D
Yeah, jeez. I could see so clearly Joel hearing the phone call, running to the rescue and so badly loosing your footing. The grit and strain, small stains and wear, all falling to the wayside in the face of his determination. He's gonna save his (grown) little girl no matter what. 😭💔💓
Ok, someone NEEDS to hire you. I started watching this because I didn't like the last of us 2. I was expecting a 2 hour breakdown of it, and a "How to do it better". I didn't expect a 5 star audio book to come with.
i only had one problem at the end of his story that ellie knows that joel would never lie to her nor would break promises given to her. so ellie believing dina may not be correct
Jesus, the idea of FEDRA using helicopters to drop containers full of infected is a brilliantly horrific idea. It’s like if Ellie shoved a spore mushroom into the WLF’s ventilation system and slowly poisoned every single person inside the compound, and she uses the distraction to destroy everything since she’s immune to the spores
@@lm_slayer1Yeah, absolutely lol A fucking “Fedra” helicopter appearing and using infected as a weapon is such an idiotic unoriginal concept. So yes Abby being bulky bc she trained for the last 4 years lol Yeah it’s VERY realistic than what the “better story” has told. Again, it’s very contradictory towards the first game.
It's sad that we hated the second game because it's trash and terribly written, and not because of an actually interesting and compelling story, that makes us feel envolved with the amazingly superficial characters.
@@jackieboy3528 it should, otherwise, there isn't going to be any sympathy (or at least a bit of exposition to her story) for Abby after she kills Joel.
Doesn't that just kind of demonstrate how bad of a person he was? He's killed and hurt so so many people that it isn't even worth guessing who Abby is. He knew his past was going to catch up to him eventually.
*Me at the beginning of the video:* Oh you’re a writer, huh? Can’t wait to count how many times he plugs his book. *Me at the end:* ....d-do you have a book I can read?
I stayed away from the video most of these guys bring stupid arguments this guy is awsome. I have to admit after already dedecating 2.5 houers i am only at the 25 minute mark but his explanation of why the pacing made me pause and have 2 houer conversation with myself about how you can do it in videogames. Because Nier automata did somthing similar but the pacing is not getting ruind. By using its form of delivery as a videogame.
I’m very glad you brought up Joel’s survival instinct or lack of cause before anything even happen my immediate thought was why would he give out his real name to complete strangers knowing there’s entire factions that would kill him on sight? He tells Ellie to hide that she’s immune but the thought of hiding his own name never came to mind when he had a whole conversation to her about slipping up around the wrong people when she didn’t want to put her gas mask on
He was in jackson for years and got older. He dropped his guard after living in peace and safety for years. But it is weird how he still wasn't semi cautious with a group of people he had never met or seen before.
@@thereallexai6751 they went around the town daily, just because it’s a “safe” area doesn’t really mean it’s safe. Nothing in this world is safe and nobody forgets that. Joel would never drop 20+ years of survival instincts because he has a family now in a little town. In fact he would be more likely to try and protect them at any cost.
@@BrandonGavin_EDC People change, Joel wasn’t an exception, as we saw through the entirety of the first game. Also through everything Joel Abby Tommy had just gone through almost dying, I doubt the first thing on Joel’s mind was getting ambushed by the person he just saved.
That’s weird considering he ignored half of her story. Of course it seems boring and pointless if you ignore the point of it all. Realistically, whether you loved this story or not came down to if you could get over your hate of Abby for killing Joel. If you couldn’t, then it didn’t matter to realize how good of a person that Abby and most of her crew were.
The game has problems but I think it was fine with how it played out to be honest. It wasn't what some people want but it told a story that was difficult for players to be invested in. Whe things don't go how you expected it you felt betrayed. -I feel like people needed to move on. What people expected TLOU2 to just be another Ellie and Joel on an another adventure essentially a last of us 1.2 and play the first game again. But people needed to move on. But after what Joel did at the hospital it wasn't gonna happen. Karma was going to catch up and bite his ass. -In regard to how Joel's death happened, I think it was fine for this type of game. People wanted him to have an epic hero's death or fight to the death where he would be honoured by the game because we saw all the things he an Ellie went through in the game. Plus we feel even more connected to the characters because we play and control them we feel more connected. Think of when you die in games you may say something like 'I died' or the game tells you 'you died' No you didn't but it feels more personal. But narratively they way he went out works for this type of game. People in this universe have pathetic deaths just like all the other NPCs you kill. But because we spent the first game with Joel we grew attached to him and as the centre of that universe and some may even see him as the hero but he is not. He's the enemy and trigger of Abby and her arc and in that universe was just like any other character. -They live in a bleak world where's there's not much to live for. Those moments of happiness and family can be so meaningful as it's a breakaway and escape from the hard world which heightens the joy felt by the characters. When you take away that joy what is there really left in the world to distract you from going on a rampage? That's what happened to Abby. -Joel in the 5 years has been living a good and happy life which must seem like the complete opposite from the past 25 years he's led. He's grown softer and let his guard down as the world is starting to recuperate a little that groups have now become forming with their own agendas. -When you plan to kill someone you want to restrain effectively so they have no means of escape. And in this empty world giving them a slow death may make you feel very satisfied rather than shooting them in the head. This is what Abby did. And will nothing left for Ellie going on a rampage was probably the only means she felt to give closure. However Ellie's journey di her more harm than good. She's left alone, unable to play her guitar, lost her friends, and left off in a worse place. And what Ellie said she feared the most happened.
I guess this guy's rewriting of the game (which literally anyone can do, even in their own heads) can be your safe space from the reality of the actual plot. I'm not trying to be an asshole, but the outrage over this game is pathetic. It's a fictional story. I don't remember any outrage when Ned Stark was brutally murdered in front of his own daughter in Game of Thrones....
@@KingstonHawke did you not watch this video? Generalizing everyone’s disdain for the story that way doesn’t really leave any room for a conversation. When I saw the leaks of Joel being killed by Abby, I was honest to god excited to see how we got to that point in the story. I figured he was going to die long before we got a trailer, and when I saw that leak I was praising Naughty Dog for having the BALLS to do it..... but when I saw how the story actually played out I was left FLOORED by how terrible the entire structure was. I’ve taken several creative writing classes for my education, and I’m pretty sure that every single instructor I’ve ever had would rip LoU Part 2’s story into tiny pieces. It’s not just a terrible sequel, it’s just a bad story overall.
The fact that that your rewrite is actually darker, and more depressing, yet so much better and more coherent, is insane. Would love to see you get the chance to write a story for a game someday.
I'm working on the plot for my game, Solid Shadows, which is meant to be a pretty intense - and particularly scary - horror game. This channel is great, really has helping out a lot, for anyone new I'd suggest this.
I never had a problem with Joel dying…the problem I had was the fact they killed him off in the beginning, and players were expected to sympathize with Abby during her 10 hour long side quests.
Five hours into unsatisfying gameplay just waiting to be Joel or Ellie again, and you get to face the most difficult infected in the series with limited ammo! Have fun, fuckers! >:D
Every single player who played Abby would lose On Purpose, Nothing she does after made her sympathetic to, anyone :/ I feel with game testers that should have been expressed if it wasn't already, if it was ignored, developers Sure don't understand anything about their audience
Abby's side quests. Wow. That setting is unfamiliar to all of us. None of us think we would end up in a paramilitary army taking orders from one man you barely met a couple years prior because you had to flee the place that held so much meaning and purpose to come to this warzone that you don't belong to. Abby's story is actually a very emotional and morally difficult story to experience.
@@BEERBOMB113 lol It's Tomb Raider + Farcry, and Ellie's arc just becomes female Red Dead. Not to mention all of the terrible dialogue, poorly executed plot points, and ridiculous inconsistencies with previous world-building. Nah, it's really bad, dude.
The switch from playing as Abby to then playing as Joel during the struggle was mindblowingly brilliant. Im just putting myself in the shoes as the gamer in your story, and that transition would have hit very very hard and most players would get the biggest smile on their face. You sir are a great writer and I hope Neil watches this.
Neil’s ego is too big to even consider a story as good as this, he wouldn’t even consider it IMO. He literally believes that garbage story was a masterpiece.
The fact that this video made me appreciate The Last Of Us 2's story even more than before, Ellie calling Joel "dad" is so out of character for her, Dina betraying Ellie is so out of character for her, Abby not killing Joel because she's "better than him" is so out of character for her, because she's not better than him, she shouldn't be, and Abby doesn't even gets some sort of character development in this new story, and the fact that the doctor and "the cure of humanity" situation is playing out again in the story when that story already played out at the first game and it should be done with already, I can't imagine as a player playing this game, how boring it would've been, we already have enough interaction and moments with Joel, this "better story" seems just like some sort of blinded by nostalgia fan fiction, that supposed to dick ride the Fanbase rather than making a good story for the game
a HERO that doesn’t know what protect means sometimes a cliche just works better for the story. I don’t mean rehashing cliche after cliche is a good thing, but sometimes you don’t need a big twist or to make everything different for the sake of being different. So long as it feels like a natural progression to the story that works, sometimes having one or two cliches is okay. Then again I typically don’t notice these things, so, what do I know.
a HERO that doesn’t know what protect means To be fair, those themes are not uncommon at all in literature. Those themes are wildly apparent in nearly every revenge-plot story; usually dark fantasies or grim-dark stories. The issue is that TLOU1’s story was ultimately a realistically optimistic tale, thus such a dark moral isn’t really suited to what TLOU1 tried to establish with its theme or tone. It goes back to what is said in the video- grim morals _can_ be enjoyed by a specific audience, but it’s not the same target audience that TLOU1 captured. They expected a more lighter tone (which does not equate with a “happy” story, just that it would portray the characters with hope) with a realistically optimistic message at the end. If you like those themes, I highly recommend finding pieces of literature that do it well. However, for a game such as TLOU2 to follow that path when TLOU1 was its stark opposite in terms of themes and morals just feels like the writers misunderstood their target audience and why they enjoyed the first game so much.
Man is amazing how he used more of the infected to help in the choices of human and stuff, instead of Neil druckman who focused on people being blinded by revenge lol
i started tearing up when he said that joel kept getting up every. time. he fell down while going to save ellie. that goes to show how much joel truly cares about ellie and i love how this retelling puts more emphasis on that.
A friend of mine once said "You learn so much more from a failed story because then you will be able to avoid the mistakes it made" and I guess it's true for this case, and otherwise we wouldn't have YOUR amazing version of sequel
And she writes: “Kill me.” This gave me chills all over myself, this is petrifying and freaking sweet af at the same time. I’ve listened to the rewrite a few times now and this part gets me every single time.
Jojje after being a clicker for years and being unable to control your body because of the fungus infection and after being experimented on... i doubt it. Anyway this was just an example of all the far fetched, contrived, illogical and inconsistent things in the alternate story. Smaller things than that are attacked in the original story but then happen in the alternate story presented here... If one claims that this is “A better story” than it should be bulletproof.
bavorec but the thing is, this was what, one guy trying to rewrite a story over a couple weeks to a few months vs a big production company with a large amount of employees with several years to work on a story. I don’t expect everything here to be perfect, but I’d prefer this rewrite with its flaws compared to the mess of a story that is the actual TLOU2 game and the creators behind it
I really like the idea of this story being the canon one. Cures, larger than life threats from other humans and disturbing minds being in authority, that's a really gripping apocalypse story.
Obviously, this rewrite has some issues, it was written by a single dude in a span of what I'd assume to be couple of weeks at most. Yet somehow it holds up better than a story created by a team of writers over the course of many months. This is truly remarkable.
I agree. There are some flaws, like How could the cured clicker lady realistically still be alive after brain damage that the cordiceps could have caused, how could you play as Joel if he has a prosthetic leg and why would Dina cure Ellie? Other than that I think it’s way better then the actual story.
Like I'm still baffled on how he was able to make a story better than what they gave us over a week. Like they need to make the last of us part 2 non canon and make a new game called the REAL last of us part 2, bring in this guy to write the story, and slap Neil Druckmann in the face... maybe that last one was a little too much
@@naththegamer845 just a bit, he still made the first last of us which is still an amazing game. He just made the mistake of not taking into account the audience and everything with Abby.
@@forrestmanbro0981 That is true, I'm still a little mad at how it all turn out... Ima just pretend that last of us pt 2 never existed... and that Neil Drunkmann made one game and nothing else... for now... Edit: I TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID...
Why tf would Joel bother to avenge some dude named Kyle and put his own life at risk? Is this not out of character? Jesus, did y'all even watch the whole video? This is just a cowardly written fanservice story designed purely to earn clout.
@@Rorington imagine when the list of mistakes is longer than the total time the game takes to complete its literally more mistakes than game. 150% mistakes XD
Tbf. Most of this video was his fan fiction. I agree and disagree with what he lists as mistakes. Respect his analysis though. I enjoyed the game. Not a masterpiece, not a shitshow. Nice to see someone who didn’t like the game make a video like this.
Having Jole lose his leg to facilitate his new position as head of communication and Eli's primary contact was really smart. I had to pause when I heard that part I was so impressed.
This is actually a real story telling method. You can either have the plot as the main point or the characters. Game of Thrones is a great example of characters pushing the plot and Harry Potter for the opposite. If your characters are strong enough, the plot will be equally strong. Read The First Law trilogy by Joe Abercrombie for a perfect example of strong characters pushing a plot. The plot is basically non-existent even.
Said the “author” who give Dina a bite mark in a really sketchy story, paired her with Joel and give them “special magical phones” and made her (and practically everyone outside of Joel), fall into the worst kind of exposition, stating out loud their motives and doing all kinds of stupid things, just to be able to start the beginning of his fanfic. 🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️
Randi Rayunegara I’m not saying that the original game it’s better (although it is), but you can’t call your lazy crow pleasing fanfic “A better story” and then deliver that bs. 🤷🏻♂️
@@matthewcooper4248 The game has a lot of subtext dude, all main characters have delvopment. Owen,Joel,Ellie and Abby. The side characters are just small side stories as they should be.
I won't even lie, your rendition of the game's story literally made me gasp and pulled me right into it. I feel like I was listening to an audiobook, rather than a hypothetical reimagining of the game. This writing was so well done I am eagerly awaiting when you finish the book you are writing.
I legit got excited that I figured out Dina cured Ellie long before the story revealed it, despite the fact that it wasn't what actually happened. Darn good storytelling for sure.
I know a lot of people say Joel's an unlikeable protagonist but the problem is he is actually so so likeable lol. He's my favourite thing about the whole franchise, I adore him.
He's unlikeable on paper. If he wasn't the main character we would hate this murderer, but because he's the focus we understand the motivations behind his actions and root for him despite his actions.
The whole “being trapped inside” when you’re a runner or clicker would have been a great throwback to when Henry’s brother talks about being infected in the first game, it’s a shame that ND didn’t do something with this
That's now how any of this works. Even brain tumors in some parts of the brain can cause significant shifts in one's personality and behaviour yet a parasite fungus that grows on the brain and takes control somehow doesn't change the level of consciousness? At least ND got that part right.
No, because it's not him losing control, it's him changing, HE is behaving like this, nobody is controlling him, he has been changed mentally, so there is no "trapped inside" because he is in control, but he is aggressive now.
@@thescruffinator8830 N-no dude. He said that the people who experienced it had 0 control but were trapped there, dont know if they saw or felt any of the things the fungus did aside from the pain he mentions tho. But they are in, suffering. Kinda of a lucid dream of sorts.
@@FDALl-ms5kg And what makes you think he's right? he's never been infected, the fungus makes YOU aggressive, it doesn't take over for you, it makes YOU do those things, it's the difference between being possessed and FORCED to do things, or being injected with something that makes YOU want to do those things.
@@thescruffinator8830 I think hees right because he was making this story, this is fan fiction afterall. Whos gonna know what the fuck happens better than the writer? Edit: Im that kind of an idiot that doesnt realize who are you talking about. And even then im still right, the guy has heard Testimonies of people that experienced it, why should they lie to him
I want to play your version. Absolutely incredible writing. I like Abbey in your version. Shows that I didn’t hate Abbey to begin with, just hated the writing.
Fucking amazing video as usual, but when Joel said "Hi Kiddo" in your rewrite I got tears in my eyes. His death was so unfair, and having this moment, even if it will never happen in the game, was so emotional. Congrats man.
It would be ideal yes but this world is everything but ideal besides Tommy was the one who said their names when they were escaping from the Ski lodge, it was a matter of trust and Tommy's fault but either way if it wasn't for that we wouldn't have had this masterpiece of a game!
Killing Joel was a pretty obvious move. It was the most emotional gut punch Naughty Dog could give us and at his age, he probably wouldn’t have played much of a role in a Part 3, even if he had survived. But once Abby kills Joel…. We’re not going to like her. It doesn’t matter how it is motivated, it doesn’t matter how pleasing you try to make her, we’re not going to like her. Once she kills Joel, there’s no going back. The fact that she does it in the first Act means there’s no redeeming her and man, did they try hard.
I don't think that's necessarily true. There are people such as myself who see Joel's actions in the first game as supremely selfish, fucking over humanity for his and his friend's happiness. But the big problem is that Abby kills Joel for very personal and selfish reasons herself, so you've lost the only audience in the world who would not mind seeing Joel die for his crimes. That's not to say that she couldn't have personal motivation against Joel alongside something more lofty, be it desire for justice, or trying to get Ellie to cooperate for a cure, etc. It's that when it's only vengeance that's her motivation, any moral high ground she may have had as a shield vanishes. I get that the futility of the cycle of violence is what they were going for, but why do I care who among the 3 selfish assholes that kill hundreds of people for personal reasons lives or dies? It seems like Abby, Ellie, and Joel actively make the world a worse place and kill more people than zombies.
@@popsicleman8816 But the other problem was not Joel paying for what he did, it was ND trying to rewrite the first game and what players knew about it. It was known that the Fireflies really had no clue what they was doing and had killed other immune people from notes in that hospital looking for a cure. Think about that for a second, you had other immune people and killed them, not find other ways to keep them alive, or let them have kids and hope to pass on that immunity, just crack them open and hope you hit upon a cure. The playerbase knew about this, so when ND was trying to make Joel a horrible monster for making that choice, but the players who found out the information were not going to be on board. But they still could have pulled it off if they had approached it with more sense and not go for the SHOCK of killing Joel.
@@dolomaticus1180 Oh, no doubt that if you look at things with understanding of basic logic and medicine, fireflies are being dumbasses. 1) immediately going for a lethal procedure is a terrible idea, and closes off all other avenues of investigation. this should be the last resort. 2) Immunity is based on the immune response, so Ellie's blood and csf would be far more useful than her brain anyways 3) vaccines are made by presenting to the human body a neutralized or weakened antigen. They can get cordyceps sample from non immune patients and it would work just as well 4) Why remove the whole brain? It'd be a tricky procedure, but they only need a brain biopsy, not taking the whole damn thing out. But you are mistaken in thinking that they had other immune subjects. The surgeon's recording in the lab talks about other test subjects, but they make a point of emphasizing that ellie's immunity is special. This implies that fireflies experimented on non immune infected patients and that ellie is indeed the only immune patient. Therefore, it brings up the question. Are fireflies idiots, or did the writers contrive a scenario in which Joel and fireflies are driven to fight? I'd say it's the latter. Think about how none of the multiple medical researchers and assistants recognized the obvious flaws of the plan. In fact, no one makes the argument that this is a completely unreasonable course of action. Even Joel has no rebuttal despite him being the most incentivized to argue for Ellie. If it was 1 character that was being an idiot, I'd buy that, but everyone in the game's world thinks this makes sense. And think about the fact that if fireflies don't act like this, no fuss would be made and there would be no dramatic ending scene. Therefore, when I judge Joel's actions, I do so under the lens that what the fireflies are doing isn't inherently ridiculous within the logic of that universe. Furthermore, at the very least, Joel does not think that this idea is flawed. Therefore the faultiness of the firefly plan did not factor into his decision. When you examine his actions under this lens, what he does is fucking over all of humanity for the sake of 2 people. Therefore, his actions are inexcusably selfish. tl;dr - fireflies plan was dumb, but it was most likely the writers being dumb or manufacturing artifical conflict for the ending. Even if fireflies actions are dumb within the game-universe, Joel didn't know it, so it's not an excuse for his immoral action.
But why could they not have given him a proper and meaningful death like with Arthur Morgan and John Marston. The problem is not Joel’s death itself. But it was just poorly written
When she called out "DAD!" at Joel's death I fully lost it and started welling up. Your version was just so good, made more logical sense and I just... wish it had been the game we got
This rewrite of tlou 2 had me intrigued throughout, bawling my eyes out by the end and leaving my satisfied. This video summed up the reason I was left unsatisfied and depressed with the original story, but this has really made my morning, you deserve a medal for this video, thank you.
The fact that this video made me appreciate The Last Of Us 2's story even more than before, Ellie calling Joel "dad" is so out of character for her, Dina betraying Ellie is so out of character for her, Abby not killing Joel because she's "better than him" is so out of character for her, because she's not better than him, she shouldn't be, and Abby doesn't even gets some sort of character development in this new story, and the fact that the doctor and "the cure of humanity" situation is playing out again in the story when that story already played out at the first game and it should be done with already, I can't imagine as a player playing this game, how boring it would've been, we already have enough interaction and moments with Joel, this "better story" seems just like some sort of blinded by nostalgia fan fiction, that supposed to dick ride the Fanbase rather than making a good story for the game
Dude chill and stop meat riding the creatos you are just butt hurt that not every one has your taste and that 80% to 90% of other people would of liked a difrent story or hell it does not need to be a diferent story just make it better like not killing joel from the start and build up to it something like arthur morgan from rdr2 would have made this game of the year in ny book and that way the fan base is not so divided as it is now@@nehirsonmaz287
@@nehirsonmaz287 “Out of character” it’s a completely different story, it would be in character for them… if this was the story. Common toxic RU-vid comments L
@@nehirsonmaz287 "nostalgia fan fiction, that supposed to dick ride the Fanbase rather than making a good story for the game" bro you've been copypasting this shit everywhere and trying to defend this lame ass game, you are the only one here who is dickriding
@@andrewlol9095 wtf are you talking about? The characters are the same, their names are Ellie, Dina, Abby, you want to make a completely different story? Then make your own characters.
That fucking fight scene between Joel and Abby oh fuck that would of been so good! I got excited by him just reading it. Also love your videos keep up the good work.
Dude, you are ready to be a script doctor as a profession. You talk a lot about still growing as a writer, but I seriously think you'd be an INCREDIBLE editor to help video game companies clean up their final drafts and help mould the material to be the best it can be. SERIOUSLY.
THIS. HOLY SHIT. I literally was engaged the whole time during your version on how you would have done the story. You are an amazing writer my friend and this is the first time I have stumbled across your channel and I have instantly hit the subscribe and like button. WELL DONE! Such a beautifully told version!
The fact that this video made me appreciate The Last Of Us 2's story even more than before, Ellie calling Joel "dad" is so out of character for her, Dina betraying Ellie is so out of character for her, Abby not killing Joel because she's "better than him" is so out of character for her, because she's not better than him, she shouldn't be, and Abby doesn't even gets some sort of character development in this new story, and the fact that the doctor and "the cure of humanity" situation is playing out again in the story when that story already played out at the first game and it should be done with already, I can't imagine as a player playing this game, how boring it would've been, we already have enough interaction and moments with Joel, this "better story" seems just like some sort of blinded by nostalgia fan fiction, that supposed to dick ride the Fanbase rather than making a good story for the game
@@sweg-man200 lmao sour attitude, it's funny how when you call out a hypocrite behaviour it becomes "sour attitude" but thanks, it looks like it bothered you lol
My dad spent 2 years in Vietnam front lines infantry that was almost 50 years ago and he still lives in the jungle in his head the idea Joel would forget his survival instinct after 4 years is so stupid and ignorant to trauma and survival it’s disgusting
I feel like it takes a shit on genuine PTSD and other things and like you said. They clearly don't understand how it works so they somehow think someone can forget that in a few years
@@TheCloserLook Your new story is realy compelling with many clever ellements... It would have been great, although it's become an entirely different thing alltogether... I was wondering if you, with your writing tallent, see a possible way to rearrange and tweak the original Part 2 to make it work better while trying to tell the dark story naughty dog wanted here?... Thus maintaining key elements like: The death of joel and revenge story... the two perspectives told and played seperately... the downward spiral... the bleak lonely ending... I feel like the concept they wanted is realy interesting, but somehow it didn't work in execution.... You said the storyline of Abby hardly interact with Ellie's storyline, i feel this is key... How would you fix this without changing the structure and concept of the original is what im currious about.... do a video on this pls
Even just swapping Jesse the forgiving ex-boyfriend for Kyle the dickhead brother makes a huge difference for the story I think. The conflict and dynamics that arose from that were very interesting!
The fact that this video made me appreciate The Last Of Us 2's story even more than before, Ellie calling Joel "dad" is so out of character for her, Dina betraying Ellie is so out of character for her, Abby not killing Joel because she's "better than him" is so out of character for her, because she's not better than him, she shouldn't be, and Abby doesn't even gets some sort of character development in this new story, and the fact that the doctor and "the cure of humanity" situation is playing out again in the story when that story already played out at the first game and it should be done with already, I can't imagine as a player playing this game, how boring it would've been, we already have enough interaction and moments with Joel, this "better story" seems just like some sort of blinded by nostalgia fan fiction, that supposed to dick ride the Fanbase rather than making a good story for the game
@@nehirsonmaz287 because its a blinded by nostalgia fanfiction, its literal wattpad levels of "I can do it better" without even known how character development works
I had no clue that some guys mere rewrite of a game's story could bring me to tears. Congrats bro, you brought a grown-ass man to tears better than Naughty Dog ever could have.
I almost cried with your ending. On the opposite side, I felt nothing after Joel's death in TLOU2 despite spending 20 hours caring for him in the first part.
Honestly, same. My favourite story section from the first one is the chicago section. You meet some strangers, start working together, get separated in an uncomfortable situation, trust them, get betrayed, then get saved by your betrayers later, earn genuine trust, and finally have to watch as one brother turns. The eldest shoots him, then himself because he didnt see a way of going on living. That alone is a better fucking story than the trainwreck of this fuckin game.
@@Doradexplora when I heard Joel gets back in the fight after he had his leg blown off, I was like “hell yeah, Joel’s back and kicking ass”. Then I realized that I’ll never be able to play through this story in a game 😢.
Genuinely, I feel like the only reason they made Abby's section of the game so damn long is because they had to stuff it full of so much wholesome, sympathetic, "see she's a good person" fluff so that the they could make the final fight have more conflict.
@Simple Weirdo Well Ellie did messed up shit too, both of them were in the same situation, lost father/father figure and went out for revenge. In my opinion i don't think they made the game so people can like Abby, they made it so she can be understood and both of them learned their lessons
@@stone-vq7vo I was attached to both of them too but I don't hate Abby for what she did, at first i hated her so much but after I understood her kinda but again thats my perspective, I still miss Joel so much.
@@zlata784 i hate abby because she killed him in a extremley fucked up way, don't get me wrong if someone killed my parent i would want them dead, but in a quickly dead way, but to prolong their suffering while their loved one watched... there has to have been something already wrong with you to do that sort of thing, even more so after they saved my life, and showed no ill will towards me . and that they have multiple people who clearly cared about them, i would definatley consider what i'm doing and most likely stop, even more so if enough time has passed since the death
This rewrite is incredible, this can easily be turned into a 30+ hour game which will be compelling all the way through and never stray away from the main story. I particularly liked element of the antibiotic cure and how it gives the player that shock surprise to know that people still have their awareness whilst being infected, this makes me remember when Sam tells Ellie in the first game that he thinks this is what happens and is terrified by it, and then to know that this is actually the case makes it extremely horrifying, It shows just how cruel the world of The Last of Us is, NOT by making the main characters unlikeable psychopaths and force you to play as them. The FEDRA Sergeant seems to be the only psychopathic character in your story however it is justified, he reminds me of Hugo Strange from Gotham.
Gonna be real with you chief, I got this video on my recommended section multiple times but avoided the video because it's nearly 2 hours long. I really wish I clicked sooner, not only was the review the best I've seen so far, the rewrite made me tear up 3 times and I wish it was canon.
Yeah listening to this was such a fantastic journey. My hopes were raised then dashed with kyle. Then he absolutely destroyed me with joel's death, I ugly cried at that.
Golf being a historically white male dominant sport and a golf club is used to kill the white male protagonist by a trans analog character to signify the smashing of the patriarchy. I wouldn't say strange. Contrived. Ham-fisted. On the nose. Oh, look at me purposely missing the joke! Whoops!
Honestly, the end of YOUR story made me cry, just to hear it as a player, instead of just a watcher, made me remember of RDR2, very well done, thank you for this
Not to take anything from the rewrite, I think it is easier to put out the bad stuff and rewrite it to please more of the fandome. Not to say that it would have been impossible to write a good story from a blank page - I think that would have been possible as well. Some spoilers for the rewrite ahead: This rewrite actually was great. I would have played the hell out of that game. And the last scenes in the rewrite for Joel totally hit me emotionally just by thinking about them - seeing them on screen with good acting/voice acting would propably hit most of the fans right in the feels, that would have been a great way to end the character for this franchise. The kind of sad part is, that he talks about how to setup TLoU3, which I think would have been totally possible with that rewrite, while the actual TLoU2 propably killed the franchise for good. It kind of feels like that could have been the intend if you look how the "story" of the game ends, but who knows... but just by the fact that alot of fans are not very pleased it is hard to make another game, simply because part of the fanbase isn`t interested in it anymore. Also, I think the reputation of the whole developer suffered a bit. In the end, Druckman is a representative, and the way he treated the game, the leaks, the fans was REALLY bad. Taking down videos? Thats a no go. Raging and whining about fans, although they KNEW the game will piss them off? Thats something you should not do, you look silly and unprofessional. Such behaviour always falls back to the developer overall, you lose credibility with your fanbase. Who knows if they will try to make a third, my guess is that alot of people will be waiting to see if it is actually worth buying. And who knows how much hype there will be for the next project of the developer... only the future will tell.
He...he did hire another story writer. Aaaand he also wrote the first game so he clearly has some experience, it's not like an art guy came in and just made up one of the best stories in videogames and then fucked up. I think part 2 was misunderstood, and poorly structured. But who are we to judge? I loved it, with its flaws and all :)
@@lichisor That's not completely true, a lot of credit for what made the first game so great goes to Bruce Straley; the director. There's no way to tell who did what amount of the bulk; but the proof is in the pudding. I find it no coincidence that Straley is involved in TLOU and it's a hit, he leaves and is replaced by a screenwriter who's worked on maybe a handful of small projects and the game goes to shit. js.
For me it's not the fact that Joel died. It's the way he went out. Just straight up disrespectful. And then Ellie isn't allowed her revenge but Abby is.
@@glass-yuzu I know exactly what the lesson was. It was on empathy and how Revenge is bad. Yet let Abby get her bullshit revenge but Ellie lost everything when she pursued her own revenge after literally fighting through a fucking army to get it. Yet I had no idea what the game was aiming for?
@@glass-yuzu And you have no clear idea of how a good story is supposed to go. It's okay, we forgive you. Now go read more childrens books while the adults talk.
I was definitely skeptical about this video, especially because I liked the game, but you’re a very good storyteller and I have to admit that all your points are valid, and your story seems much more coherent.
Dude, I disliked the game. But someone liking it isn't trolling. I've debated with some of my friends about what I see as Part 2's many flaws. But they don't bother them and the love it. Odd to me but they aren't saying it to troll anyone@@sudomywoodo
@@dccrashergames6553you wouldnt be able to torture a shameful confession like that out of me, and here you are just posting it for all to see. You should be ashamed of yourself.
When I listen to your rewrite and imagine the story as you tell it, the realization hits that sometimes, good writers don't get to tell their stories. That sometimes, the limited resources of money and team effort are kept from a writer in favor of another. What a depressing thought. This story should be made. I wholeheartedly believe that a game with this plot would be a valuable addition to all of our experience. What a heartwrenching and deeply touching rewrite. Deepest respect to your vision.
Not just that, a lot of popular "flagships" get taken over so to speak as a means to use them in screaming political messaging. There was so much of that in TLoU2 that it just added fuel to the fire that was garbage writing, and it was blatantly obvious.
I had a “holy shit” moment when you were discussing the General’s backstory and how Abby was seeking out Ellie for a chance at a cure to overthrow FEDRA. That’s damn good storytelling. Left a like and subscribed.
That "holy shit"moment for me was the backstory for the infected. Just imagine suffering that much pain for years, or how friends killed their infected friends only to realize that they were conscious all along. Haunting stuff
I feel like I must be crazy. I'm about an hour into the "rewrite" and, while I agree with some of the points he's made about where TLOU 2 went wrong, I don't like his rewrite any better. It's not making a few suggestions that improve the story, it's changing the whole thing and becoming it's own fanfic. It's not compelling to me at all.
That thing about Joel getting soft because of the 4 years in a safer area is a bad take. Even in the very beginning of the first game when the outbreak starts he is still unwilling to trust people as showcased when he doesn't let Tommy pick up the hitchhiking family.
@@bobbyfischer9927Joel had a guitar in his house before the outbreak started. That’s not out of the question for him to be playing guitar and singing a song 20 something years later
@@bobbyfischer9927doesn’t matter Joel would still never go soft like that. Playing guitar doesn’t count as evidence he went soft. Also could ever really go soft in that world.
I LOVE your addition to the lore about the people being conscious in the infected bodies - it actually ties into TLOU1 and Sam's question about whether or not they're still "alive." Brilliant!
I think Roanoke actually explores the infection in Terms of biology/science, and for the First two stages or so, He does say the People are still conscious
Literally ask any trauma survivor or abused person how much that vigilance never leaves them, even with focused and conscious effort they still have a bit of paranoia deep down
But in fact was tommy the one who tell Abby their names and you can say that Joel agreed to go Abby's but that's the same he did in pitsburg wen hi decides no jump of the bridge, in my opinion he do the same he baugth a few minutes in his mind
i'm late to the video by about 3 year. but i have to say this is very well structured and explains the pro and cons. thank you for making a podcast type story and also giving people something to look at if they want. i'm glad i could listen to this at work. thank you for doing the work of addressing *each* flaw.
What I like about your story is that: - It acknowledges Elle’s immunity and FEDRA . It seems like ND forgot about it. - Abby could actually be a great villain or adversary for Elle. She could’ve been a memorable villain, but ND wasted her potential. -Joel died in the most alpha way possible. I hope someone turns your script into a fan film.
The Otaku Dragon Slayer His immunity was literally nothing during the whole game. If u didnt know ellie was immune from the 1st game and u played the 2nd you wouldnt know shit and think she wasnt bc thats how shit it was in the 2nd
The fact those flashbacks were actually good, to me at least, shows how much of a personality Joel was, and how major a factor that small amount of lightheartedness was to the story. They showed they COULD write it, but deliberately went off base with the horrific story writing decisions. Also, this story, is now my Canon lol. That is bounds better than the actual sequel. I was enthralled by how much better one dude did than all others. That ending panged my heart, very well done Ps. Your idea about the fungus just locking them in their own bodies is exactly how it works. Thats what the actual basis disease does to ants and insects. Eventually they may go through necrosis, but yeah, even in game you can here human cries and words in some parts as they gorge themselves on human flesh. Horrific stuff.
Dude the humans being alive even if they turned into zombies because of the "cure" game me chills. Closer Look just proved to us that you don't need to spend millions of dollars to get creative ideas
I feel like the reason the flashbacks worked so well for so many people, myself included, was because many of us already had an attached to Joel because of the first game, so when we see the museum scene and the search for the guitarstrings, we automatically go: "Awww, Joel" However, I feel like the flashbacks served more as a relation to Ellie's main plot and character arc. One of the point The Closer Look makes is that Ellie doesn't have an arc, but that's the point I disagree with the most. I'm saying this as someone who studies the art of writing, a character arc isn't always the same thing as a character going from good to bad or vice-verca. Sometimes it's about how we, as an audience, see a character. Throughout the first half of the game we constantly believe that we are in Ellie's mindset and that we understand her. With the first and second flashback, we believe it serves more as a reminder as to what Joel meant to her. But with the third one we see that she was aware of Joel's actions at the hospital since the beginning of her plot when she wakes up in Jackson. And since both us and Ellie have just learned from Nora that Abby and her crew killed Joel for those actions at the hospital, actions that Ellie agrees were wrong of him, we wonder: "Then why do you still want to go through with this Ellie?" But with the last flashback at the end of the game, we learn that Ellie was willing to try and forgive him. This changes our view of Ellie's entire journey now that we know she didn't just wanted to take revenge because of what Joel meant to her, but also because she lost him just when she was ready to allow him back in her live, so she felt that the only way to honor him, was to avenge him.
@@randomserbianguy5677 honestly, it's kind of uplifting, in my eyes. where there's life, there's hope. the sick may may get better, the lost may be found, anything is possible as long as you're still alive. i'd gladly go through any hell to keep hold of the slightest chance of survival.
I enjoyed being in many of the flashbacks, including, obviously, the museum. BUT, I felt like the flashbacks often directly undermined the previous actions of the characters. Like before the flashback, it made sense for a character to be in a red-hot rage about something they didn't get closure on, and then they'd show a flashback about how they actually had closure on the issue and mowing down a neighborhood worth of opponents didn't change anything.
GOD the second you mentioned that one camp being full of just dead FEDRA soldiers, I KNEW it was Joel. Absolutely stellar rewrite, with every little detail and expectation.
It's because we understand the story better than... whoever was assigned to do this. I almost think in the case of having new directors/stories/themes, the new producers need to fall in love with the story first and respect it for what it is before making changes.
I was like "this is one of those dick sucking comments that overrates rewrites by a rando on youtube, it probably is as bad or decent at best" but to be honest, his version is really good and doesn't change that much in the game, is just more polished version that makes more sense
Holy shit, I've never even played any of the games, only heard about it through videos, but MAN was that rewrite immersive and engaging af! I got chills and tears at each corner despite not even being connected to the characters at all! Bravo!
Putting Abby in The Last of Us is like putting Alice from the movies in the Resident Evil games and make her kill Chris and Leon and then force you to play as her.
I'm an avid Resident Evil gamer, and I think Alice was a decent character. No better or worse than any other original character in a videogame film adaptation, and only "worse" because she's put ahead of the canon game characters. That's almost nothing compared to the despicable monster that Abby is, and how desperate the game was to convince us that she was a "good" person. Honestly, it would have been better if she was written to be hated, and we just happen to play as her for part of the game.
@@nicholasruiz7277 the problem is that Abby's dad come out of nowhere it feels like a fanfiction making characters out of nowhere to make characters from the first game die or have a conflict with someone his dad was just an npc with no name and the cure was extremely unprobable because the fireflies were trying to make a vaccine for a fungal infection when which is imposible even with the resources with have today imagine in a abandoned hospital and i also found stupid how would you kill the only inmune person when you can literally screw it up and fail to get a cure
@@smoker5989 They can create a vaccine because treatements of fungal infections to an animal exist today. But produce it would be another problem especially in the TLOU universe. Produce some vaccins would be expensive for the fireflies and that is why is not unprobable
@@nekkukln Tlou2 was not an """"emotional roller-coaster,"""" it was a disaster in storytelling. Plus, all they were comparing was the fanbases and how the studio failed them.
Still mad Ellie didn’t kill Abby and then look into the camera and exclaim “ Now I truly am the last of us.” A final wink into the camera would be chef’s kiss.
The pen and paper to the cured infected clicker where she writes “kill me” gave me SERIOUS goosebumps, like I was scared. We need to make this an official story, and as of me watching the video this version of the Last of Us is canon and no one can tell me otherwise
agreed but the death of joe at the end made me cry a death that is better then anyone can come up with a good way to say goodbye to a beloved character.
Perfectly is a very bold statement. In my opinion he did not attempt to make a nuanced approach to his "autopsy" of the game. It is only perfect in your sense because it agrees with your view. Easy likes because everyone is hating this game. Poor analysis though
@@dnv1139 "because everyone is hating this game"... Because it was poorly executed lol... Too much time spent on the same protagonist instead of actually splitting it between them. Poorly timed flashbacks. I don't even care that Joel died, its how they did it. There's a reason why the game is hated...
@@tacoxaco There are just as many people who do not share the opinion that it was poorly executed. I felt that the flashbacks were a nice change of pace especially the museum scene. I agree that both Ellie's part and Abby's part felt long and could have had some cuts. Joel dying the way he did is also up for debate, but it is in tone of the franchise of how quickly people die.
The fact that this video made me appreciate The Last Of Us 2's story even more than before, Ellie calling Joel "dad" is so out of character for her, Dina betraying Ellie is so out of character for her, Abby not killing Joel because she's "better than him" is so out of character for her, because she's not better than him, she shouldn't be, and Abby doesn't even gets some sort of character development in this new story, and the fact that the doctor and "the cure of humanity" situation is playing out again in the story when that story already played out at the first game and it should be done with already, I can't imagine as a player playing this game, how boring it would've been, we already have enough interaction and moments with Joel, this "better story" seems just like some sort of blinded by nostalgia fan fiction, that supposed to dick ride the Fanbase rather than making a good story for the game
@nehirsonmaz287 The Closer Look's version of the story is objectively better from a writers standpoint because, as the video mentions, it is written for the same target audience as the first Last Of Us game. With that said - if you don't like it, that's fine. But why not just go replay the game if you enjoy it as it is? Why watch this video and leave such a long comment on why you personally didn't enjoy his version? Why watch a feature-length rewrite at all? I'm genuinely asking, because I would never waste my time making myself so angry. It's why I didn't play the second game - it was too bleak for me. That doesn't mean I hate it or think it did everything wrong. I enjoyed the gameplay, and the attempted message, but overall I never finished it because it was not made with players like me in mind. This re-write is not only better paced than the game, but it was written for people who enjoyed the message of hope in the first game. It doesn't matter if Abby is ooc, because she's essentially a DIFFERENT character in the rewrite. Dina as well. And personally I like them more, but you can disagree. But don't try to convince people who enjoy the rewrite that we are wrong or somehow stupid, if only because you will not succeed. It is not difficult to respect the opinions of others. Please respect the people in this comment section who prefer the rewrite.
This rewrite was absolutely amazing and its such a shame they didn't just hire you to write it lol. You left my jaw wide open at a few parts and I was at the brink of tears when Ellie said "Dad." If this was fleshed out into a fully written book, I know I would be sobbing at more than one moment. You brought up a lot of points during the criticisms as well that I noticed but just couldn't put into words myself. AMAZING video thank you so much for making this!
Playing this game, I got the impression that the two people who wrote the story kept it a bit too close to their chests. I find it hard to believe that the story they wrote would have gotten positive responses if shared with a panel of professional screenwriters. I think the sequel's concept was Druckmann's baby and it seems he was just too proud to change it and share it with others for potential rewrites. This is one of the dangers of doing too much on one's own without proper workshopping.
Ellie had no idea Mel was pregnant. Mel literally attacked Ellie to kill her and Ellie is obviously going to defend herself. When she found out Mel was pregnant she literally had a panic attack.... Soooo....
Ellie was the one who broke into the aquarium and threatened them and tried to force them to tell her, where Abby is, so she could kill her. Mel and Owen where defending themselfes and Abby.
@@AE_Sunset-Nutrix_AE No lol, they were not defending themselves. Ellie clearly said she'd let them go because she only wanted Abby. They attacked her because they're stupid and Ellie defended herself.
Also, Mel never pleaded based of pregnancy, a common trope when a pregnant character is threatened, a trope used IN THE GAME when Abby is threatening Dina
Exactly!!! In that situation, who wouldn't say "hey I am pregnant" like seriously?? And then to attack someone who is OBVIOUSLY going to defend their life when being pregnant. Mel literally did that to herself tbh
@@zerodawn0994 They were all stupid neither Mel or Owen told Ellie about the pregnancy, Owen stupidly gets closer, and Ellie allows him to get closer so he could see Mel mark the location on the map and/or grab the gun.
The part in the rewrite where Joel is revealed to have single-handedly killed the entire Scar camp would be a great nod to how much people love the character. Treat him like a badass, and don't spend the entire game kicking him like a wounded puppy.
Joel did terrible things after Sarah. Dooming humanity is just the icing on the cake. In such a grounded story why are people so upset that his actions have consequences. Yes Joel is a badass, however he doesn't live in a Hollywood action world. His luck had to run out sooner or later
Facts I’m so upset he didn’t make this game, no joke, it’s insane how good it was. I was on the edge of my seat most of the story, compared to the actual game.
Lol this critique is hilarious. This guy didn't understand the plot of the game at all. He just complains that abby's story was pointless... except that it is the whole point of the game. It is the Greek tragedy The Orestia. The player is the character Cassandra. Doomed to know the future but noone listens to them. He misses the entire plot... because boring... he spends this whole video shitting on writing he couldn't do.
Great rewrite, only thing that I'd probably change is Abby's ending. Feels like she's a bit underused there. What if she survives her final encounter with Joel and sees him die and Ellie's anguish. Then she has that moment of realization that she's made another girl fatherless.
In doing that, you could set up a relationship between Ellie and Abby similar to Kyle (but obviously a little more heavy handed) in the sequel as Abby would probably know more about the General and potentially help, their relationship would be incredibly rocky at first but progress over the game to be at least a mutual respect. Plus dialogue between Abby and Dina after the events of the rewrite would be very interesting to hear. Edit: added something
(I know I'm way late but) Your rewrite of the story was soo much better, primarily because of the sense of urgency around a cure. After 3-4 decades from the outbreak people wouldn't just drop that possiblity. And I hated how part 2 just loosely uses it to move the plot.
I kinda see it like this: The fireflies had momentum going and a strong leader, they knew and hoped that the end could be close, they were so close to finally getting it done. When that hope(and their leader) was snatched from them, despair settled in and it shattered the core of the group. The group was torn apart and that takes a long time to rebuild. Which is what was hinted at(I think) when Abby was trying to get in contact with the remnants of what was left of the fireflies, they WERE trying to rebuild and reorganize.
@@manzero134gd i'm not having the best hopes for it either, man... its not just for the sake of being negative but ive caught myself thinking while watching this video: "what if the idea of joel and ellie developing their relationship was scrapped for the show's sake?" so honestly the only way i could see it working is if it either was a soft reboot as the sequel never happened or if the story is well crafted enough for me to care about it and forget about tlou2's "sins".
It’s an amazing rewrite but it’s very “Hollywood” and would also have been criticised for being very different from the tone of the first game. There’s a middle ground here but there are clearly issues with the story of TLOU Pt II.
