I think it's hard to explain autism because my disabilities are 'normal' when described, but whenever I attempt to explain it I am gaslighted and everyone around me says they have the same things and to just get through it. When I say I'm shy, people say "Me too lol!" (I understand everyone has nuances with personal difficulties), but regular people don't stay in their room for months avoiding social interactions because of crippling anxiety. Or that I have low living standards, not because of natural modesty, but because I am incapable of going out into the world and acquiring what I need to live. I think its difficult to describe autism not for the problems, but the scope of the issues. 90% of people hate small talk, but people with autism hate it not because it's annoying but because of the sheer inability to do it and how it cripples everyday social interactions/connections. The thing that sucks for undiagnosed autistic people is that from the outside I look mean due to my dissociating face/emotions in public, gross because of low to medium hygiene standards/mediocre fashion, rude because of my inability to make small talk or approach people, and lazy because I am unable to be a functioning adult. And behind that facade of a weird detached person, just me standing and existing feels like a miracle because every small step in life felt like I had climbed a mountain.
Sending love from someone who understands ❤ By the way...thank you for arti6so well. Sometimes I can articulate what I think or feel...mostly I cannot. When people question me I freeze up mentally...and start to panic. I come across as a liar or something probably. I am highly intelligent...But totally isolated. I am too innocent to live in this world with most people.
This is all so freaking true!! My parents and boyfriend didn’t believe me when I was realizing I was autistic. I always got the “well everyone’s shy sometimes, you’re not like, AUTISTIC...” and “you just need to try harder” when I really don’t feel capable of a lot of things, like showering every day even if I’m not leaving my apartment. It’s SO hard to motivate myself when I just want to keep researching psychology. But people don’t see that, they just see my mask and fake smiles
Thank you for voicing exactly how I feel - at least we know we're not weird, just differently normal. We just have to stick with those who 'get' us, and find our autistic tribe.
For me, interacting with other people almost always feels the same as being in a job interview - that constant need to say and do the ‘right thing’ at the right time. It rarely works out that way and I leave assuming I didn’t get the job (make friends etc). I usually just end up retreating back to my hole with a strong sense that I screwed it up again. I’m 54 and this has always been my experience. It has never gotten better and the few times I have told my friends that I am autistic I have been met with ‘no you’re not’ or ‘it must be pretty mild because you don’t look autistic’. So, I don’t tell people any more as it just makes me way too anxious and leaves me feeling very exposed.
Dude seriously, I feel that. I would suggest getting into social groups through a common shared interest, IE fishing/sailing, trading card games like magic the gathering, DnD, a gun club, book club, car meets (they have them for pretty much every niche, like just trucks or just import cars) or something along those lines and focus less on the personal aspect at first and more on the hobby aspect, just be straight up when you introduce yourself to the group and end it with “by the way I’m also autistic and I might not pick up all the correct social queues right away, so if I offend you just know it probably wasn’t on purpose and please just let me know.” make sure you phrase it in a way that conveys you’re open to constructive criticism but won’t be walked on, bullied or gaslighted (gaslit? Idk the past tense). Over time as you become more comfortable with them then you can start to delve slightly deeper. Another thing that I’ve found helps is remembering things and building off of it, so like if Bob mentions that his son has a little league game coming up, (assuming you see Bob like once or twice a week) after the next time you see him you could say “so how’d the game go” or “did they play that game yet or was it postponed by the rain” and then you can kinda like prepare an answer for what the options are for him to answer. So like I would think “if he says yes how will I respond, if he says no how will I respond, what about if he gives another answer?” For me personally that removes stress from the situation but I could see how that tactic could also be bad for anxiety if that’s something you struggle with. Either way just know you’re not alone and that even though every interaction may be a job interview, that doesn’t mean that YOU can’t put yourself in the position of the interviewer. If they don’t wanna be friends with you because you’re autistic, quite frankly FVCK THEM. Much love keep your head up man.
@@lordtachanka903 thanks for the advice. I only “discovered” my autism a few years ago but as I learn more about it and how it likely affected my childhood (and how that childhood impacts how you are as an adult, I guess) the more I have come to understand how other people probably perceive me as a bit odd or eccentric. This inward reflection over time has given me a better perspective on who I am and what I actually want from relationships. Oddly enough, I actually don’t want to spend time with other people so the whole “I struggle to make friends” mantra seems a bit mute until I realise its actually the awkwardness that I feel I’m projecting around other people that ultimately bothers me. I believe this is probably a common mental framework for people with ASD. Thanks again for taking the time to respond my previous post.
Thanks for putting my vague feelings about social interaction into a easily understood example. I’m old and socializing gets a little easier, but that background feeling is always there.
People here tend to act like they dont hear you when you actually try to explain mental health/autism or other realated topics to them, they just DONT WANT TO LISTEN, they have an idea and want to stick to it, they dont want to hear not everyone under the same diagnose is the same
I've noticed that neurotypical people usually can't listen to any explanation that is longer than 5-10 seconds, no matter what the topic is. I don't understand this, why asking a question if you do not bother listening to the answer.
NTs tend to have trouble letting go of preconceptions, bias and belief when confronted with objective, contradictory truth. Climate change denial is a good example of this.
@@colingilmore7433 EXACTLY, even when there is ONE thing you say you know about a lot more than than them (because you read and search about it a lot or whatever and they dont), they refuse to admit their preconceptions are wrong and dont want to listen. And i'm a NT myself lol
It interests me how neurotypicals think that putting two ASD spectrum people together means they'll get along. Like a couple of Pandas in a zoo problem
When I explain it to ppl I try to avoid saying autism and instead just explain what I struggle with. I feel like some ppl can react negatively to the word autism, instead I just explain who I am in enough detail that other ppl can (hopefully) understand.
Yeah a lot of normies think Autistic people are retards with messed up faces.. I prefer the term neurodivergent. It sounds better and cooler and normies don't react as negatively to it.
I have ADHD and I think autistic people run into the same thing when trying to explain and linking it to your diagnosis (though ADHD has the benefit of being able to explain many of the causal pathways): People THINK they know. They have pop culture references, perhaps some 1 step deeper knowledge. So offcourse they know! They let you ramble on once in a while. And only occasionally roll their eyes. They hardly ever ask you to stop fidgeting, so THEY accomodate. The tendency towards depression is just me/you. Masking? Pah, never heard of it, so who cares, everybody adjusts themselves to the situation, just act normal dude. and can't you think linearly, associative thinking's so annoying. Why would you need context to delineate a question's boundaries? and just say up front how long a task will take, everyone can do that. And then just keep to that schedule. Life's easier when you do. Prioritising helps, you should try it! Oh, and don't be antisocial, put down that headset and be more proactive in social situations! Why would you set a reminder for lunch and coffeebreaks? AND WHY is there a note attached to ask others if they wanna join? All examples from my last job. That last one was after literally 2 1/2 years of solo field work, following 2 years of solo thesis work. And never having worked in an office. TLDR: it's not that they don't know, its that they think they do and you're just difficult and should therefore learn to be better.
Thank you so very much for this. I've been struggling to explain my boyfriend Paul's Asperger's to my friends. They like Paul, because they love me and he's good to me, but they like to offer "helpful" suggestions about ways he could maybe "get better." These are the same people who grapple with my rheumatoid arthritis: "What do you mean, no cure? What do you mean, you're not going to get better?"
IMO, most people who behave in this way want to show that they know more than you about your own issues. They want to demonsrate their imaginary superiority.
I’m thankful for these videos. I got diagnosed recently at age 28 and the only people I’ve told are my parents and my partner. They think that I should never tell anyone about it. My diagnosis made so much sense to me. It validated the experiences I’ve had. I always felt disconnected and weird, but didn’t understand why. They’ll say “everyone goes through that” My partner accuses me of using it as an “excuse”. It’s really took a toll on my self worth. It makes me feel like I’m not a likeable person at all. Lots of misunderstandings and sadness stem from this. Watching these types of videos and reading the comments helps me feel less alone ❤
I was recently diagnosed with Autism 1(aspergers) at the age of 34 and I dont have much guidance. I love your videos and how you explain exactly what i cant, but need to. Thank you so much for that.
We should start a club! I’m also 34 and only recently came out as self-diagnosed. Seeking a formal diagnosis, but I don’t expect that it will be covered by insurance and I’m not sure how much I’m willing to invest.
An analogy I just thought of after watching this is imagine you are given an instruction book on how to small talk/be normal/ blend in and its written in your native language and has some diagrams that show how to react in a situation or proper eye con tact. Now imagine that my instruction book is written in a language i donk know....i can still pick up a little from the diagrams but not enough to completely understand the concepts or use them in my everyday life.
I really liked the analogy about the feeling of not wanting to talk to people before you've had your coffee but at the end of the day. My talk therapist came up with an analogy of everyone is watching a film in a cinema but the dialogue is all subtitled and everyone else in the audience can read and understand the subtitles but I can't.
I like the way you describe disability. I’ve often used your analogy of “being a tall person is a disability when the world is designed for people of average height”
Or perhaps: "There are only right-handed scissors, but you are left-handed". You can use the "wrong-handed" scissors, but it will be awkward, clumsy and mildly dangerous.
I’ve never understood that explanation. People I’ve known would give me that explanation about autism and I would react like “okay, what’s up with that? What makes you flipping a truck and spinning the wheels a diagnosis and why is it that people who do that are different from us anyhow?” And they just didn’t know how to answer that, I guess most NTs who attempt to explain autism don’t know what it is at all.
This is the first time I've heard flip the truck and spin the wheels and I was thinking to myself okay what's so weird about that? maybe the kid just liked seeing the wheels spin.
@@alvin4422 > instead try to figure out how the toy works mechanically. That fits so perfectly with what software development is about :D You receive a "toy" (feature request or bug ticket) to look at, and then you figure out how to do it mechanically (how to design and write the code that does that).
Another very common option describing autism would be: Autistic people (mostly about children) only feel a very small amount and range of emotions, and they are happy with being alone and need no relationships at all. What kind of crap is this? Like auties being some kind of wooden log, or what? Heavily shocked me when I discovered these statements in different psychological textbooks.
@@alvin4422 this debate also demonstrates one thing: We often get really confused about mundane problem or phrase, that everyone else sees as blatantly obvious :-D
Because I had an obsession with computers, and could understand computer terms, my mom explained to me when I was a child that my brain is wired differently than people without Autism. Whereas other people are Windows computers, I am a Mac. They work differently, and you can't use a Windows manual to figure out how to work with a Mac.
The part about "writing things down or I won't remember" hits hard, but everyone at work has to be a jerk about it when being asked politely to convey information in any written form.
That’s something I struggle with too, but people get even more upset when I forget things that aren’t written down even though I tell them I need it written down or I’m likely to forget as if they never told me.
At work I would literally carry a notepad and start writing it down while they were talking. Some people even change what they are asking of you when they know it's being written down. And if not a problem, then cool...if you can write fast...or perhaps a phone recording (Like I'm just going to record this, so your instructions are clear for me...)
Paul mentioned the bright lights in shopping centres, which prompted me to wonder whether everyone has access to Quiet Hour in Coles and Woolworths supermarkets. In Queensland, every Tuesday from 10.30-1130, most Coles and Woolworths stores dim their lighting; have no announcements; no shelves are restocked , no restocking trolleys are moved around and there’s no loud talking. The impact is so calming. I remember recently when the lights were turned back on at 11.30 and activity and noise resumed, a little boy started crying loudly. He might have been a little autistic boy who was soothed by the calming environment. I know I was.
I’m autistic and make friends with other autistic and neurodivergent folk!! We understand each other’s quirks. I find my weaknesses to be strengths with these friendships. Making friends with neurotypical folk is very difficult for me, though. I’m generalizing, but tend to feel more judged and misunderstood when socializing with NTs.
The simplicity you bring has a way of catches the entire story and that makes me so happy. Here's one area that I fall outside the norm - Florescent lights shut down my executive functioning and make me very disoriented and dizzy. Very uncomfortable. On the other hand, being outside in nature, the smells in the wind drop stories into my heart. VERY GOOD indeed! I don't know if I classify as any particular "name" but I do know I am outside the norm in many of my perceptions. And because of that, I love your videos.
Great explanation! I partvilarly like your comment about how we design the world, and we initially designed it with stairs, assuming everyone can walk. And the cup of coffee/end of the day...really relatable stuff here!
Hi Paul, just love your posts. Am 60 yrs old and in March I will finally be getting assessed. Even I struggle to describe my feelings at my age. I tell people with autism and my high anxiety is like being stuck in a lift. Things can leave me in a panic when least expected. Good luck with your post.
Vyvien VP I was diagnosed at 60, experienced lots of crippling anxiety during my life, didn’t know to call it that for 33 years. All the best with your assessment, it was valuable for me.
I was diagnosed at 57 nearly 3 years ago. I can honestly say the diagnosis and going through discovering myself without support devastating, i have never felt so ill or isolated. I know me now but grieving for a lost life leaves me wishing i was dead. Get as much help as possible and i wish you well, a late diagnosis after years of not coping can be truly devastating.
Sending love to you Nigel. I understand. I just learned that I am on the autism spectrum a little over a year ago. It was a wow moment for sure ...but I have no support system. None really. One thing is that I have more love and respect for all neuro diverse people now that I understand the source of most of my isolation and pain. I understand myself and others better. The big "Why" is answered. Sending Cyber Hugs Nigel🙂
I liken it to an old fashion typewriter- not an IBM with the font ball, but the old Hemingway types with long arms carrying the single platen on the end. Back in the day, typing too fast would cause them to jam up, and you'd have to manually pull them apart (without bending them) and try to back up and re-think what you were trying to type. A grease fire in the brain pan.
Amen to that! Good analogy. Communication with pictures is the preferred way for really getting the point. Thanks for that image. My image of overload is standing on a freeway with 6 lanes of traffic going both ways at 80 miles an hour !!!
Thank you. My brother who just got diagnosed with autism at 55 😢 By an independent psychologist who conducted an assessment. A psychiatrist had the opinion of bipolar and he is now on antipsychotics. I am watching him deteriorate, all because the psychiatrist is unwilling to accept error in her diagnosis. I appreciate your videos, I learn how to better support my brother.
I’ve found that using the term "neurodivergent" instead of "autistic" helps people understand that our brains work a little differently. "Autistic" come loaded with all sorts of biases misconceptions. I talk about being left-handed as being "dextrodivergent," and I find that people can connect with that. I like to tell people that I fall outside of norms in many aspects - I’m a blue-eyed, left-handed, Type 1 Diabetic, gay Mac user. And I’m neurodivergent, I’ve only recently found out. I’ve lived my entire life in a world designed for the 90% of people who are different from me. I learned to use right-handed scissors. I learned how to navigate same-sex relationships without ever having seen one or been shown how to have one. I learned how to give my body insulin and monitor my blood glucose so I wouldn’t die. I learned to mask and not show my neurodivergence as much by observing others and trying to mimic them so I’d fit in. Basically, I’ve had to work much harder than 90% of the population just to exist. That’s what being autistic is all about to me as I explain it to others.
Thank you for your insight. I'm finding the left-handed in a right-handed world example might be a good one to explain in casual situations. I'm right-handed myself, and i could immediately relate. I'm going to try this one out.
I have one that is shocking and only for science fiction affionados "You have in front of you an alien, communicating through telepathic waves. So do not try to mask your hostility or contempt with a smile, or a tone of voice (so called social skills) Do not expect from me not to startle." Because Normies repress their feelings and states all day and i perceive a lot of that.
I just wanted to say thank you for fostering this community, it's helped me learn so much more about myself, and that there's not something wrong with me. It's brought me a lot of peace.
I've got it double bad - I don't like talking to anyone before I have my coffee in the morning *or* in the evening when I'm tired. Great advice. I usually just tell people specific needs as/when relevant.
I love this channel and have found so much good information here, but this question is a particularly tough one. I find that most people already understand what a disability is because they can easily imagine the challenges of a physical disability. The hard part seems to be getting them to believe in the reality of disabilities that they can't see with their eyes. The worst is when they try to invalidate the experience you are describing with responses like "yeah, that happens to everyone now and then." Then they might go on to imply that you're not trying hard enough🙄
This video is brilliant, and I'd recommend it as one of the very first for anyone new to the topic to watch. Particularly the last suggestion, not mentioning "autism" to someone who may not be open to the topic, use the "don't talk to me before my morning coffee" as a parallel to "I can't listen to you properly when I'm tired"... There are many parallel examples out there, it's easier if we use them!
Even if I'm not sure whether Im autistic or not I like watching your videos. I think that they can help everyone develop their social intelligence and broaden their mind to new ideas :)
I have Asperger's. It's been a long time since I've felt normal. Thank you. Your explanation of my experience seems spot on. Everyone has challenges and struggles. Please keep up with the encouraging videos. I'll be watching.
Ahaha watching this because I have autism, but I also happen to be in a wheelchair. So at 5:10 I was kinda cracking up. i have autism, add, anxiety and an array of other mental clusters that makes life outside my home a little more tricky, but thankfully when I finally reached out for help I was accommodated immensely and am able to live out my dreams and study what I love every day, even if it is done a little differently. I am working on accepting myself and unmasking / being myself, not working so hard to seem "normal" and rather just focus on taking care of my needs and accommodating myself so I can focus on my studies. And I am learning so much about what triggers/drains/distracts me and how to solve it all. Thank you for this video, so insightful and thought-provoking!
Thanks for this video Paul! I've been struggling to "explain" autism to family, friends and acquaintances. I'm 31 and was born in raised in a slower paced and laid back community on the Big Island of Hawaii. I'd say without boasting I'm one of more academic members of my family and friends. The only person who matches and exceeds my academic level and interests is my HFA partner. So explaining HFA to my friends and family has been a challenge. Most still don't understand when i try and brooch the subject with them. Most have had little to no experiences with anyone on the spectrum. So thank you for this!
So good i stumbled across this particular video. Did not expect much from the title, but it is really helpful. Try to explain your situation by answering the question in a non-official way, targeted to the audience. I'll watch the video again and really use it, especially at work. Thank you!
it would be absolutely intriguing to run a survey asking people in your fan club to explain what THEY THINK autism is and how it might be explained to others.......for example, i have a clear list of what I think it is and how to explain it to others....which is part of my job, but really complex to explain....because of the massive difference from one individual to the next.....thank you Paul for your video. as always, full of brilliant insights.
I realy dont like when i need to work in group’s. Or place whit alot of people Licht an sound ,. Is for me not That big of a deal ,. When i dont need to do things Or feeling good,. But Its when i need/ whant to connect whit people ( in stress ful situation’s ) and Every one talk’s and so fast That i ,. dont can think anymore ,. Next up i go black in my mind ,. When i go to a place where Is calm ,. Then i feel better and then after 10 min or so i can think and say what on my ❤️ And i hate iT when i whant something in the store and They dont have iT ,. IT takes time for me to swich to something else Hate air- headed People At least If people say thing ,. And Its for me important i can Remember ,. And if people whant to use me. ,. I can feel iT Its only a bit slower then “ normal” people. Use the wisdom of the universe. ,. Then i feel / know what people whanne do or whant I Am not realy stupid. Only do as if ! 😛 🙋🏼♀️
Perfectly said. I get used, gossipped about, and hit on a lot and I do catch it a lot of the time, but it's always too slow to act upon. It just doesn't go over well if u get mad or make a move 15 seconds late. Eventually I just don't have it in me to emote, I hear things, then I process them, then I decide if there is still action required. Usually, there's nothing I can do or say with any sort of purpose once I'm at that point so I just stay silent.
really good vid Paul. I tend not to use the word ‘autism’ depending on the context as it can distract from what I am needing to communicate. Great to vid with you this morning too!
I found what you said at 0:50 to be very helpful in explaining autism, as I have found even people with autism have told me I'm not atypical of being autistic, or have alternatively have been told I'm more autistic than them or that I should or shouldn't be doing this or that as someone with autism. It's a spectrum that is only subjective to the individual and their experiences/self...that's something to always come back to. My experience is not your lived experience, and vice versa. I do not judge and you might well have your own challenges and moments of being misunderstood. People in general will never truly conform to a template you create for them, especially one that is a group template.
Thank you!! I am about to try to explain my autism to my new boyfriend and realized I was going to do it backwards, hitting him with literally a BOOK on autism, when I don't know what interest he has in this yet. I will definitely use that short-form, personalized approach and see how it goes. I know he loves me and will be open to the best ways we can get along with each other, especially if I ask him about any special likes and dislikes HE has in interacting with me and/or other people. This was so helpful - and possibly aborted a major catastrophe at the very beginning of our relationship as partners! Thank you!
Well said and explained like most of your videos. However, what comes a bit short is the WHAT YOU that is different. Sure the story of different types of people and their needs and abilities is really helpful, however I'd liked to hear more about the things, needs and desires and attitudes that are typically different from the neurotypical people. Thanks for all your vids They are really helpful yet even entertaining
A small contribution: long before even suspecting being on the spectrum, it seemed me compulsory for my work to let colleagues understand the big gap in my skills "do not take me as an idiot. I am intelligent!" In vain They stuck to the concept that language skills reflect the level of intelligence. Language is NOT thinking. No ability to express is NOT a lack of understanding A wide spread mistake, dramatic for a lot of foreigners in particular and for autistic people. Conversely there are colleagues that have good oral skills but are in fact of an average intelligence. They always win. Dominate the team. In politics that the same.
I went undiagnosed until adulthood despite sewing a neurologist on the regular, because his internal model was of a boy completely obsessed with baseball trivia, but who didn't actually want to play the game. Like - gee, that's helpful. Oh, and I was constantly using metaphorical language, and autistic children aren't supposed to understand metaphors at all, because otherwise, they would understand jokes. 🙄 Dude, I was in fifth grade and teaching myself Latin. If you go back far enough, pretty much every single complex word is a metaphor. You might actually say that my sense of humor was built on a hyperawareness of the tension between literal and figurative language or the range of meaning carried in words - even when I didn't expect anyone else I was speaking with to catch it. Nah. That doesn't sound autistic at all.
what you say is useful. I consider that I have a complex language and I use metaphors and jokes; That is why in a certain way I question the diagnosis of asperger but my case could be similar to yours.
I absolutely love your videos and they have helped me learn so much about myself. For the record I differentiate between loud, and noisy, despite the definition, but that's just me.
I feel worthless as a man, I am afraid of people and I am so ashamed of these feelings that I'd rather completely isolate myself than risk letting anyone see my fear. How do I explain that?
And how will it be reacted to? Will they tread on eggshells around me? Will it feel any better knowing that all the people who surround me see me as a label?
xagon2012 I am feeling how difficult that must be for you. I have been reporting my fear of people my entire life (now 60) and have only slowly reached an understanding. I am sensitive to their energy, they don’t need to do anything for me to feel confronted and wary. It can overwhelm me. I too have low self esteem in many situations, it seems to be a natural consequence of feeling powerlessness and without the possibility of setting boundaries in situations so much of the time. I no longer feel ashamed, as identifying and owning and valuing my characteristics and differences helps. I have great insights into others because of my sensitivity and I have turned this into a gift for them by recognising when to reveal what I see
@@lindsay.newman Thank you for the answer. In day to day life I project my fear of rejection onto people and automatically assume they would think of me as pathetic etc if they knew how I really felt. I think what you said about feeling powerlessness and not having the possibility of setting boundaries is true. I experienced that often as a child. It's good to hear that you overcame your shame. That must have been such a liberating experience. I hope I will be able to do that as well one day.
I am like you, Andi_S. I could never do good in job interviews because I was sure that my worthlessness would be obvious to the interviewer. I would stutter and stammer and perspire and, usually, not get the job.
If I was you, I would forgive dad and mom for not loving me. They were not taught to love so asking them to love is like asking an illiterate to solve astrodynamics equations. Probably grandparents were not taught either. So you will have to be like those who graduated from university in a family that never went beyond primary school. Be the first to learn to love. Take that young yourself and hug and heal and nurture yourself.
5:45 Too loud and too noisy are different for me, not the same thing. Too loud, mean well obviously too loud. Too noisy means, too many different noises - at least that is the meaning I get out of it when people tell me it's too noisy - too much going on. Alternatively, I also say too noisy if the noise is especially annoying or distracting, not necessarily loud.
In all honesty, saying I hate being normal is a huge understatement… I have a constant need to communicate so I’m constantly talking, but the truth is that I hate speaking. No words will ever even come close to conveying what I’m trying to communicate. And I can’t stand large groups of people, or only 1-2 people, and it’s hard to find that perfect balance of people, or if there even is one, which is why I tend to spend the majority of my time alone. I don’t like being alone, I hate it, it’s terrifying…but it’s easier than being around people, I honestly don’t even know if I’m getting any of my point across rn, but I sure hope I am
I've tried. Pretty difficult. I happen to be pretty good at music. Can play any instrument, remembers tunes, plays back perfectly... all that jazz. Seems that neurotypical ppl usually can't do that- I came from a musical family so I didn't even know my talents were unusual! So whenever someone asks me why it's so hard to do something "simple", I ask them to find the nearest instrument and play the last song they heard from memory. When they say that's too hard, I say that's how the simple thing feels to me... yet I can easily play the instrument. We are different, and that's ok... what seems simple to me is miraculous to you and vice versa...
When I see videos and read comments coming from people with autism, I can relate a lot. And seeing that it's not about stereotypes, it makes me consider even more that I could be autistic. Many people that know me would say that I could be on the spectrum, which is why I started searching for videos on the subject in the first place. My mom doesn't think that it's true, but she told me that she is open for communication if I get to the conclusion that I'm in fact am in the spectrum.
I appreciate just how difficult this task is, and your approach of not actually explaining the Autistic Experience does make a fair amount of sense. Let's face it, when a normie asks for this explanation, they're not looking for an autistic answer - but treating the interaction transactionally doesn't feel like it fills my own need to be seen. I guess that is why I make Art, though
Perhaps a good explanation would be stat spreads in games. In most games when leveling up there is usually a slight increase in everything and an option to put a few points into one stat of your choosing. Autism might be best described as having one of those stats starting lower, not increasing on leveling, or only increasing half as much while something else is increasing as a higher amount. If it is detrimental enough then you will have to focus those extra points of your choosing into said stat while if not a determent could allow for excelling above others in one stat. in other worlds it could be seen as a bit of an imbalance in capabilities which can be seen by some cases where things like saying what day of the week it was on March 17th 1743 they can do in their head but ask them to tie their shoes and they can't do it no matter how much they are shown.
I say that about stuff if they don’t give me time write it down or don’t communicate properly said this to the housing and that how can you understand my housing needs if your support worker hasn’t set foot in my home. I suggested I go to YHN and explained how autism feels, I find myself doing this everywhere like I’m fighting to be heard. I’m actually articulate. I once had a staff sergeant say of me when they didn’t realise I was in the pay queue and hearing their chat say to another person, I’d rather have Maria treating me because she thinks about things and doesn’t just memorise them. That lifted my day as it was me when I wasn’t diagnosed.. but also small talk is number one and all the branding and image stuff I don’t understand and fashion. Also common sense stuff where I saved the YHN money. So next Friday they are gutting my kitchen and redoing it but I might have damp in my kitchen where the window is snd in my bathroom, but the damp team isn’t due to treat it till the 17th I had several rows about this and I did environmental health in the army I know the damp is from the window frames which are old and wood. And I had told them when I moved in here about the windows being wooden and they cost cut, but did the others but not the bathroom and the window what opens, opens directly where I sit in my bath like who wants the bathroom window open when it’s minus 10 outside , also they are supposed to do the lawns and outside but up the side of my flat is full of rhododendron type routes snd black berries and the gutters need done also could be causing issues. I said what is the point of doing the kitchen and then getting the damp team out if the damp isn’t treated. The kitchen guy also said they were putting new fans in. But the damp team sent someone to fix or replace the fans too. I said they are ripping out my kitchen and said they are putting fans in etc so you only need to do the bathroom one. I hate having organised thinking. When they don’t. Also they said they’d send boxes for me to put stuff into, I prefer this to do this over a period due to my back so it’s manageable. They kept saying they were coming out with the boxes then not doing it. I live upstairs so I take longer to get to the door ( hence needing a bungalow) but I wanted a bath and I like them in the day And they kept saying they were coming out and not doing it ,I had to ring 3 times and in the end demand the manager. They weren’t clear about plumbing my washing machine but I did get that clarified. The housing didnt even notify me they are going to do the kitchens it was the kitchen company ringing me assuming I knew. They did the same with the damp team just got companies ringing. They also ask me to bid on bungalows with no pictures and not telling me the heating system I have a sweat gland disorder so need to not be stuck in shared heating systems and I’m a low user as I’m an environmentalist so I don’t want to subsidise other peoples bills and I hate being too hot due to the sweating issue. These things matter. But they don’t seem to care. I work with all my cooking equipment in a level do I don’t have to bend due to my spinal issues. The bungalow literally had 3 cupboards and bench spaces. I couldn’t function in it. Just I can’t get them to understand I’m in low income and I batch cook and freeze for sick days and need space for my freezer and dryer too and I stock up to budget, I have 11 cupboards here. I have a Verona sofa snd office desk and stuff I store in my living room . They seemed to think I should chuck everything out and live in a box. I can’t I get claustrophobic. I keep telling them my needs and they don’t hear me. I live in my house , I don’t socialize much ( I would like to but unless it’s activities to occupy then I don’t fit). My home is my sanctuary. A tiny home is bad. My bills n budgetting is better than 90% of if NTs I got in debt years back and refuse to make myself that vulnerable again it lead to a guy wanting sex to loan me a fiver Ie exploitation. I said no. It made me feel unsafe. I got burgled in bed in my last downstairs flat by drug users. My home and security is important . But I’m not so old I want to live in a box. They don’t get it.
Neurotypical here, but I feel like it could be a mistake if we stopped saying the word "autism" just because it can carry negative connotations. The word needs to be explained new for many people and maybe we shouldn't grab a new word everytime enough people used the last word with negative intent. I often have to explain to my colleagues, when they are using autism as this stereotypical saying, about the actual common traits and I wont stop doing it. But avoiding the word feels wrong to me...
I'm on the spectrum and it's really interesting for me how, for me, a busy city is really hard to be in, but I find no problem at all to be in a noisy forest, see the brightness of the sun, even to be next to a noisy waterfall
Another brilliant video! What can I say except for the fact that there really isn't such a thing called "normal". The word "normal" can mean a whole lot of things.
I hear you. Light, noises, smells, fabrics, so many things. I can't believe I have found my tribe (pushing 60) so late. Add to to this, PTSD from being nearly killed by a bomb. I do NOT feel sorry for myself. I am a lucky, lucky man. Even though my childhood was fraught and incomprehensible, I have had a good life. I know that I'm a "freak", however, I wouldn't swap my intelligence, musical ability, polyglot achievements and many other aspects of my life to be "normal". It would be nice to have a wide circle of supporting friends, but that is the price we pay.
No matter how much coverage or awareness this gets, people still give the weird looks when you’re not at their developmental stage of life or can’t compete with them in activities.
It's your right to explain the boundaries that work for you, and if a NT respects you they will likely accommodate your needs. If they do not respect you ...why would you want them in your life?
Exercise with weigth, and microdosis of psylosibina, write my days in the cellphone calendar (wake up, eat, read, exercise, etc.) and have people araound me that support me and believe in mi have take me out from my depression due to the anxiety crisis for social interaction, in one mont of high stress I started to be paranoic. So I get out of there with dayli morning walk, breathing exercise when wakin up, and psilosibina (doesn't have secundary effects taking it on microdosis, just decrease the cortizol (the stress's hormone) wich is what kill us quickly when its high for a long time ). My first lenguage is spanish sorry for the grammar
My mom is currently threatening to evict me because she refuses to understand. I have no job, money, vehicle. I don't even have a active cell number. She said "you need to get ahold of one of those places people go to when they have nowhere else to go" whatever tf that meant. Idk what to do anymore and kinda want to off myself because of it. She keeps telling me to get on medication to cure the aspergers. She refuses to understand.
v00d0 x have you been diagnosed? would your Mum accompany you to the Dr to be put straight? If your Mum is supporting you in any way you may need to consider why she is clearly at her own limits and what she is needing. Do you have the capacity to negotiate needs with her. She may not be serious about your taking medication, that can be a common plea of desperation on her own part.
Things like that which make you know you're living in a matrix. When the people around can literally think of no alternative other than the direct narrative.
I recently challenged myself to explain autism in a single meme. It's still a lot of text for a meme, but I managed. This is the result: 'Autism is a neurological orientation which equips us with a predominantly individual nature as opposed to the predominantly social nature of others. All humans are on a neurological spectrum that ranges from individual identity to collective identity. At one extreme end you have the ultimate individual who acts based on their individual judgment alone, remains immune to any outside influences and regards everybody as an equal (no more and no less), no matter how different they may be; at the other end you have the ultimate social person who has absorbed all expectations of the group they are part of without any sense of individuality and who regards their group as superior, therefore ostracising and discriminating against all other groups, outsiders and misfits. And while we all are somewhere in between these two extremes, you will find that autistic people are on the very far individual end of the spectrum which provides us with both an intellectual advantage and a societal disadvantage. The societal disadvantage is well-known. Due to our individual nature we are unable to fulfil the social expectations of those around us and are therefore excluded from basically everything, such as social circles or employment. But then there’s the intellectual advantage. I guess we all love human progress. But progress isn’t the result of conformity; the world is changed by those who think and act individually.' (The meme can be downloaded at franklludwig.com/autisminanutshell.html )
I think that is an excellent way to describe it! That has made me ponder, is it possible than me being on the spectrum is directly correlated to me being very politically libertarian?
How about this laundry list: When eventually diagnosed only after 15 years following autistic burnout and a breakdown and a string of gaslighting professionals, someone you only recently met says, "oh, i could tell you were autistic as soon as you entered the room." "We're all a little bit autistic." Upon relating an example of an autistic trait: "Oh yeah, so do I, or I too get that." "Pfft, ASD, i've got THAT", with a confident but dismissive gesture as if they are compartmentalising it into a box and leaving it somewhere over there. "You don't come across as being autistic." "You're not autistic you're just highly sensitive." "Your not autistic, you're just highly sensitive because you've got Moon in Cancer." "What you need then, is a dose of LSD or Psylocybin to reprogram your neural pathways." "What you need then is a course of NLP to reprogram your neural pathways." "If autism is a lifelong condition it can't have affected you that bad because you have a degree and passed a driving test."
Very interesting angle, however I am worried that this relatable approach would induce the famous answer "then everyone is a little bit autistic". How could we answer to that?
Generally, I explain the difference between symptomatology and semiology and take pregnancy as an example. You can have symptoms characteristic of pregnancy without being pregnant yourself. Symptoms are only a manifestation of a biological reality and in this sense, having nausea, mood swings and eating disorders does not make you "a little bit pregnant".
*smiling* “Maybe it’s the same thing and I’m just repeating myself.” There are several profound concepts here. I see how the whole industry around “highly sensitive“ people is smack in the middle of this and is using different language. For better or worse.
"Don't fit into any box." I took eHarmony's questionnaire. And, after a lot of questions, they said, essentially, "Sorry, you don't fit into our little boxes. We can't help you." I'm still mad. I wonder how many other people got let down by that service?
I remember being in tears because I was having trouble making friends, and my mom sat me down and said "you dont fit into their boxes. Thats okay, but youll have a harder time."
I don't think loud and noisy are the same. To me, "loud" describes volume. "Noisy" describes the type of noise and the quantity of sources the noise is coming from. So, one thing can be the source and it could be pleasant to the ear, but the volume can still be too "loud". That one sound, when played at a comfortable volume might not be considered "noisy., But ten different sounds at once might be off in the distance, thus not very "loud" but the noisiness could still be very distracting or disruptive
I literally just did this and I also have physical disability with0 support network. I was explaining g why being disabled costs more money for instant
Thank you. In my country, there is none understanding of autism other than level 3 which is not visible either. Mentioning someone I am being diagnosed for that, make them roll their eyes and look away. Forget about explain in anything. Not even to family, they don’t get it. Total denial
Kallus Garnet, I can understand how you feel. BUT- if you are living a regular lifestyle, then you have to deal with them. You walk in the street, you catch public transport, you go to the shops, you do a job, you have some interaction with neighbours. You also have interactions that don't happen every day- with health care people, utilities and government departments Unless you are a stay-at-home person with someone else who cares for you, then you must do some or most of these things, and they all bring interactions. The best way to deal with people is simply to be polite. Say please, thank you, and excuse me at the right times. State your needs clearly. Try not to sound grumpy or upset if the person doesn't respond in the way that you expect. Listen to the way that people interact in informal situations- e.g. If your neighbour says "Hi, Kallus!" then it is important to say "Hi, George!" (or whatever his name is). If you walk past without this acknowledgement of his presence, he will think you are a rude person. You don't really have to "like" people. But you do have to be tolerant of them.
