Change yes to NO with following phrases at beginning of sentence: Are you against? Do you disagree? Have you given up on? Is it a bad idea? Is it a ridiculous idea? 3 kinds of yes: Commitment Confirmation Counterfeit Response of: You’re right=shut up That’s right=I feel understood/connection/step forward
I work in mental health AND politics and I have been extremely successful in both. I have used what you call weaponized empathy for years. My colleagues think I’m doing some witchy woo woo magic or something, but it’s not. It’s so simple. I’d love it if more people knew about this amazing skillset. I genuinely feel like it makes the world a more positive place.
Might think I am crazy but I found that to take it to even another next level try keeping the pronouns neutral to frame the conversation as situational. It seems like reducing "I", "You" "Me" etc. and framing the subject of sentences about the situation , increases that "collaborative vibe" that mirroring/labeling creates. It's great! Keep up the mastery!
Nah. You go to a dealership with what you want on your head, lay it out and never settle. Last time I went in and said I want a new Honda Civic for 300/month. They said they can't do it and I walked out. They ran me down and said some bs and I said either I'm getting the Civic for 300/month or we're done. I didn't get the Civic, but setting an ultimatum is the counter play to negotiation. We're not negotiating, I've layed out my terms and if you don't agree to them the way I want it then we're done.
@@benyager3355 you missed the main point or perhaps didn't understand it, so instead you took what little you did get to try and refute me. I'm not about to argue a tangent with you son. Move along
@@JD-go2qj So you don't even belive in your own points enough to argue them? Because "You didn't get it" with no evidance supplied, Isn't a valid excuse for not being able to refute what I said.
Chris I don’t hear you talk about confidence. I hear you talk about fight, flight and make nice. However you have such confidence and I feel that’s incredibly important.
Drop that in front of your 'yes' questions, you'd be shocked how much further you get. Are you against ... Do you disagree ... Have you given up on ... Is it a ridiculous idea ... Is it a bad idea ...
Have tried this... (I’m a big Voss fan, this is not a troll comment)....what do you think to do when the person’s response is something like “I don’t care” or they just don’t answer at all? Maybe it’s a YES? he has given up on it, or does think it’s a bad it’s a bad idea... anyway I can’t figure out how to break a stone wall. Would anyone out there think it was a ridiculous idea to send me some suggestions or examples on this?
Awkwardness..... operating in that realm long enough causes the captain to more quickly process the subtle and quick emotions within that frame. Awkwardness can also get you laid at a rate much faster.
Hope she knows who you are. So many tricks in the world. If your this brave and this much in love with her I bet she will. Let us know how it turns out. Congratulations to both of you with best wishes. She's a fool if she says no.
11:30, a perfect example for this is learning to play guitar. Especially when its a song slightly out of your comfort zone. I felt the awkward almost physical ache when i was learning a Pantera song last night lol.
By 4min felt vindication... didn't really need it. Worked with traumatized/abused kids from immediate after, to long-term. I began "accidentally" in my teens & was wearing silly socks. He loved them. From then on I always wore them. They stayed mostly hidden. In the toughest situations when I had to work with the perpetrators, the socks helped keep me sane. *I* knew I was wearing them... a "big boss" saw them once & I figured I'd be fired, but he had leave the room so no one would see him laugh. I have a few more tricks, but they're not appropriate for this forum. God Bless You, Chris Voss!
Thanks Chris! I appreciate you taking the time to share your information. I"m working on getting my real estate license and plan on using your techniques to help with sales....have a great day!
I want to be this guy! He has charisma attitude style grace his posture fortified by confidence intelligence wisdom motivation and his words are filled with excitement glory anticipation and every syllable has a sound of music!
I wonder if Chris purposely learned to speak with voice and enunciation that is very similar to Al Pacino. That has to grab and hold peoples attention like nothing else without even being remotely obvious.
Chris, you have no idea how much this is helping me. Im so glad to have found you online. I hope you come to Florida because I will definitely be going to you. And I’m definitely picking up your book. Keep fighting the good fight brother, we need people like you. #Godisgood
Sp. Agent Voss changed the way i order at Starbucks: you’re a “hostage” at ‘Bucks. Introduce yourself to ‘Helen’ when you walk up to the counter. When Helen knows the hostage’s name, she’ll change completely . I Promise You.
jason burciaga why would you want to see Dr. Peterson conversing with Chris? They operate on 2 different plains that don’t directly correlate to each unless time wasn’t an issue. With Chris urgency is of utmost importance. Peterson has time on his side that allows deep explanations and reasoning.
I had an epiphany while listening to this. "Does empathy work on a sociopath?" What's empathy? Understanding the feelings of another. The feelings of a sociopath is the _only_ thing a sociopath cares about. The real question is, does anything _else_ work on a sociopath?
@@fishhuntadventure I'm sorry, it seems like I was a little clumsy in what I've said here. It sounds like you've had dealings with sociopaths in the past and your insights and my insights are a little different. I definitely didn't mean to say sociopaths aren't manipulative, infact most of the ones I've dealt with are excellent at it. What I'm trying to say is, it's not that sociopaths don't feel emotion or don't have emotions, it's that the impact of those emotions do not register to their conscience. The only thing they care about are their goals, their stated intended purposes to themselves and their emotional motivators for those goals and purposes. Now that's a totally different thing. You can see therein, they have emotions and emotional drivers and those emotions are the only thing they care about. (It's not surprising then that most of the ones I've dealt with in my experience are flagrant narcissists that only care about themselves.) If empathy is just the recognizance of another individual's emotional state, and a sociopaths emotional triggers and drivers are the only emotions they care about, then with what we know from Mr. Voss and his take on negotiating, _what else could possibly work_ on a sociopath? I can tell you, looking back on it now, where my negotiations failed catastrophically with these people were when I tried to compare them with someone else. Like "How would you feel if you were them?" They don't care about "them" or anyone else that's not a part of their intended goal or target that doesn't serve a meaningful purpose to them. (That's also a trademark of psychopaths, these people tend to overlap.) I can also say that, to some degree, given the immediacy of the intended goal or target, we can also slip into to these sociopathic or psychopathic behaviors. _These traits can become learned skill sets_ and that should scare the hell out of everyone. A very mild case in point. I knew this one guy at a call center, we were friends possibly for 12 years at the time, pretty much could clock this guy for who he was, outstanding individual, selfless. Never occurred to me once he was a sociopath. The guy volunteered at a Christian mission for literally Christ's sake. He becomes a supervisor, was doing an outstanding job, like I thought he would. I overheard a conversation he had with one of his team about his idle time on the phone and the guy says "How would you feel if you had to listen to customers all day berate you and scream at you." The thing this guy said (Tony was his name) baffled me. He said "I would feel grateful." Now I know for a fact that Tony used to unload on the weekends with us about that very particular thing and he's said on several occasions that he wouldn't put his team through that if he was a sup. Problem was, once he got to that echelon, he had to survive. So he learned from other "mentors" how to be a monster, essentially. And that's the other dark thing, the only reason these things are teachable are because they're in you. A lot of restless nights with that one.
His 'late night fm dj voice' is more of a 'George Carlin saying anything' voice. Seriously, listen to video without watching and you too will be convinced its Carlin giving the presentation...without the punchline of course. Especially when Voss is talking about the car jacking in Haiti.
It's very good.. but it is always the exact same speech, exact same jokes at the exact same moments. Unless it's an interview, and even then, he usually get the same takes. But I like it!
Well, Mr. Voss's views are overall enlightening. The major message: empathize with your target in order to get what you want, whether it's a sale, a date, or a hostage. I get it and I understand its effectiveness. Why do people respond to this technique? Because humans have an innate need to be heard, acknowledged, and respected. In this regard, I'm mostly on board. Is this something new in man's inventory of knowledge? Of course not. It's practically as old as the primordial soup. However, if you have an agenda that does not include rescuing a hostage or anything of equally redeeming social value, then one needs to weigh the situational morality of this technique before applying it. The problem? We Americans are obsessed with winning at all costs and I'm afraid that Mr. Voss may have just opened up a Pandora's box for the less noble of our species to exploit. Just telling it like it is, folks.
Enoch Brown “we Americans want to win at all costs”! Maybe you should go to Nigeria, or Pakistan, or China or Columbia etc I think you will quickly find out that “we Americans” are on average way more ethical in the way we win!
@@patmarco2251 I'm sure you're right, but Americans have historically made more money doing it. By the way, I don't know of any empathetic Nigerians or Chinese. What about you?
@@patmarco2251 "Way more ethical?" Really? Let's see. The Sackler family (Purdue Pharma) creating our opioid epidemic. Pharmaceutical companies charging Americans 10X more for a drug - insulin - that was given free to American companies by its Canadian creators many decades ago and tweaked (without any discernible benefit whatsoever) every so often to keep it from going generic. These companies are making billions while some of our citizens are dying because they're rationing their insulin. Google paying no taxes in the interest of gaining market share. Other big tech companies locating overseas to avoid paying their fair share of taxes to help keep American running. Strangely enough, if these were Chinese companies using these tactics, their executives would most probably be imprisoned without trial or executed by the state - which IMO is well-deserved. So, yes, Americans like to win at all costs and these companies - and many, many others in our country - prove my case. You would think, Pat, that Americans would riot just outside these executives' homes. But, no, we just accept their behavior with resignation. There was a time when Americans would raise hell and riot - or at least demonstrate or hold these people as well as our elected representatives accountable, but we've become a nation of timid mice focused on our own narrow lives.
The reasoning I’ve heard from other seminar presenters charging over 1k is this- people that get it for free don’t commit to the material like those who do pay. Some have experiment with a paid and non-paid group. The paid group always tends to be more serious and dedicated people. I know it won’t answer your question directly but it shines light on the situation. I don’t have 2k for the empathy course right now but I will get there.
I disagree with is his take on birthright citizenship. The current state of the country is my reason for that belief. anchor babies are fueling the Mexican Aztlan reconquista.
Chris, "Trust me I'm from the FBI". That is like hearing, "This is the IRS and we have a question". Also the guy that was a hostage in PI seems to have got out himself with no help from you. He walked to a farm. If I was that hostage for months!!!! I would be wondering why the FBI was sitting on their hands. This black guys life was a living hell, and you are like.........Oh, after a few months we didn't pay and he walked off. What a deal! So, your child gets up on a Sat. morning hungry. You drink beer all day. He gets himself a bowl of cornflakes at 7:00pm, and you pat yourself on the back for feeding him. Great job government employee.
John Okeeffe at least we know your a narcissist. You’re probably flying around in your cape looking down on people because that’s the only way you can feel big.
I disagree, saying "yes" happens all the time, the thing is you gave examples where you asked very obvious questions. The thing is, people know when you point out the obvious that it's a trap or you are stupid and get annoyed. It's really that simple.
Chris, I picked up your book, watch your videos, etc. You say the same thing over and over. With 20 years can you please tell a story other than Haiti, or the killer in the Philippines? I don't mean to come off insulting, but I want to pick your brain. Thank you for posting. I would just like to hear more of your experiences. It sounds like you had 3 cases in your life on us tax payers......lol BTW, we think the FBI just drinks coffee all day. I was in the Navy and have seen the inside.lol. The teeth brushing. I'm lefty, and lost a finger on my left hand. I thought that was so funny. A bigger problem is wiping your behind. I hope all is well.
I know i just learned how to accusation audit from your mistake . Looks like real life stories tells alot about someone and it helps to identify if they are lying about the skills they are selling to you.
