How to Keep a Relationship Going 

remember to continuously improve yourself as a person even when you're in a relationship. never stop growing. a note to self.

“There is no perfect. There will always be struggle. You just have to pick who you want to struggle with.” ❤️

The only pearls of wisdom I have is what I've learned myself. My hubby and I have been married for 12 years now. Many ups and downs. We both are committed to each other, meaning our relationship can only survive and thrive if we both work at it. Each of us change as we get older either by choice or nature. Choose to fall in love with your partner at every stage of your life. Goodness knows you're not the same person you were a decade ago. Choose each other every day and you stand a damn good chance of making it ♥

What matters most is that both parties know that the other person is deeply invested in growing the relationship. That provides the security for us to be vulnerable and navigate the tough conversations more productively. We don’t assume they have bad intentions, work through it as a team, and become much closer because of it.

I actually get along with my husband like a dream. We always lift each other up and support each other, enjoy each other immensely and basically smile and laugh all the time. 12 years married and no fighting, resentment or bickering. Just joy!

how to keep a relationship going: communication and kindness

Being a person who's never been in a relationship for 22 years. This channel gives me a lot of think about how I should ever go about it if I do.

True love is about caring, not taking; It's about service to others, not service to self. What I can share - not just regarding relationships, but about interpersonal issues in general - is that whenever you feel something negative (that is not the direct result of physical pain) - not just in the context of human interaction - it's actually caused by a fear. It is very helpful to thoroughly think about this statement: Find the underlying fear(s) -> solve the problem(s) within yourself -> evolve. In the process of growing up, one has to learn to overcome their fears, with the ultimate goal in mind to be in a constant state of love; to become love - the opposite of fear.

I think that one thing that kills a relationship is the inability to handle conflict constructively. Most people I know tends either to avoid or react violently to difficulties instead of calming down and openly talking about it. They tend to avoid the problem instead of confronting it and inevitably the problem will grow and will become difficult to manage. I believe that if couples learns to express each others feelings in an open way and listen without judging then most communication problem would had been avoided.

When he said "excessive anxiety" I thought he was going to talk about people with an anxiety disorder. I'm glad it didn't go that route because I feel people who have anxiety can still be in healthy relationships. As long as the partner with anxiety can communicate what they are feeling and the other partner can listen and is able to provide emotional support.

When your relationship is about to end and this video comes up bruh-

Wish I was aware of these things before I let my last relationship deteriorate. Thanks for the informative video as always.

As a therapist I often find that couples do not know how to forgive and regain trust. Most of us haven’t learned from our parents how to do this. The other thing is young people think that they are entitled to yelling and screaming at someone when they’re mad. Like a three year old it doesn’t solve anything except make the relationship more difficult. More difficult a relationship becomes the quicker people leave.

I'm 20 months into a great relationship and we've never properly argued in person, but when we eventually do that's life and it happens

Selfishness is the #1 relationship killer. The things we work hard for ,we value the most. It takes integrity,Accountability,responsibility,understanding,good authentic communication,not taking things so personally and negative( a complaint is really a desire for being better.These and Being othercentered,not selfcentered builds trust and true Love.

From my life experience I have some romantic tips: 1. Think of Your Partner 2. Practice Touching and Make It a Game 3. Spend Time Together 4. Surprise Them With a Creative Gift 5. Mute, Switch Off, and Disconnect When it’s just the two of you, focus on each other.

To whoever drafted the captions: please include every word. I often listen and read at the same time. It's hard to read when there are words missing.

School of Life makes me feel sane. Each time I go away with a feeling a gratitude knowing I am heading in the right direction ♥️♥️♥️

It’s funny how I saw this in passing around when I feel like my relationship was becoming rough and it was because I didn’t take the time to really evaluate why I felt the way I did and misattributed my unhappiness to the relationship… I closed myself off to the things I could do better but I don’t want to make the mistake again with anyone.

Cool, I just learned I might have a fragile relationship with my partner.

The school of life has also taught about the dangers of romantiscm, which is deeply related to being overoptimistic about relationships. I have a very romantic partner and it's very difficult to lower her expectations about our relationship.

Word of advice to the reader: If He/She does you wrong Do them right You’ll feel better about yourself and if He/She is the one They’ll see it too. Have a great day

Bro this is our first date and she’s making me watch this Edit: this video is not very effective.

While this is a great channel with lots to offer - I would like to ask everyone here to also think for themselves and base their decisions on their own experience, faith and belief systems.

I love this new style - the pauses in between concepts. Very much appreciated from a fellow educator. Well done 👍🏼

the main point I got from the video is that, whatever you do, you must be open about your feelings, not taking everything so seriously and being patient.

I love how this came up just after Bill Gates announced his divorce 😂

Love the ocean theme, colour scheme and art.... compliments to the artists involved.

I'm loving the ocean theme for today's video 😂

I love that in this video so much was mentioned about many different types of internal and interpersonal conflicts people may have due to their insecurities/ coping styles as a child. In close relationships, there seems to be a lot of reflection when the layers of what we show to the world come down, stripping us of the ability of how we want to act vs. how we do. In this explanation, he touches base on a medley of these ways we can "act out" as our inner children that are not disciplined deep down, bringing awareness as to why we hurt each other and how it happens. Though there are many things fundamentally that we are working through as individuals, true lovers can see what's going on beneath the surface and using radical acceptance, maturity and love can begin to heal one another. Being understood is the most romantic act imo.

Relationship anxiety and separation anxiety (as an adult) would be helpful topics to cover!

You just described my first love story within 5 minutes.

Its amazing how School of Life is able to bring a deep and meaningful perspective every single time in their gideos. Cheers to the thought porcess. I love the channel and feel grateful for having subscribed to it.

this channel really pops timely everytime smtng is going in my life

I grew up in an abusive household, I'm still a nice person but I still end up with 5 breakups a year. Now I know what I can improve on

Yeesss tell me about it. Secretly hoping to come back here after many years to update on journey.

Right when I need it the most

What matters most is how well you walk through the fire and never run for the hills when there are complications.

I’m so grateful for this channel ❤️ thank you for the service you’re doing. Helping us heal our childhood traumas, and be better parents for our children, and maintaining healthy relationships, bless you a million times 🙏🏻 ❤️

Please, now make a video about how we may become grown up inside!

Daniel Mackler says that couples that last are couples where both people share the same level of denial (whether strong or mild). I find this very relevant.

*Wealth is the ability to fully experience life!!*

Well I just got married, this came at the right time.......

Nothing like this is between me and my partner ....she is very understanding ❤ and I understand her too ❤

these videos have made me think a lot, but I still did not answer the question I have in my mind .... we tended to disagree on stuff from time to time, some bigger, some smaller, but at the same time we made up or tried to. She said we should find people who love love us without us having to change stuff about eachother. I know there aren't rly relationships with no conflict, but we decided it was better for both of us to break up now, while things still were somewhat good, instead of things spiraling into a stronger conflict later, and us breaking up in a nasty way. However, after thinking it through a bit more, and watching some of the videos on this channel, I am not sure, I think it would be worth trying again and trying better. I am not sure exactly what was the deal, either it was just her who wouldn't have wished to change, or maybe I who was too immature, but I still love her, and I know she was a very good person, fundamentally. Maybe I will try to talk to her about this..... Thanks for making these videos. They really put some new ideas and thoughts that I had but couldn't quite formulate into perspective. And to anyone reading this, good luck on your own journeys.

Can you do one about abusing alcohol in a relationship? My boyfriend and I get along for the most part unless we're drinking. Then we will start arguing over little things and blow it out of proportion

This animation is amazing

I needed this. Somehow, almost every video pertains to an event that literally just happened. I wonder if that just means I’m hurting.

Hmmm, after listening to this I think my celibacy so far may have been a blessing in disguise. I know I shouldn't, but yet I feel ashamed to admit that I do/have/exhibit/cause literally every single thing mentioned in this video. In that light I think it may have been a good choice to purposefully abstain from any and all romantic relationships for the past 27 years (my age), not entirely for a lack of trying on my part. When I was younger I did my best, and I tried for years and years, but not a single girl was interested in me back then. (And yes, I was always clean [as in showered], _always_ nicely dressed [even at school and such], I have super good oral hygiene [I have never had even a single cavity in my life! Ever!] and I always got to know the girl a little before deciding to ask them on a date. I have never been attracted to looks, in fact the girls I fall in love with are usually, if I'm being brutally honest, a 5 at most, so I know I haven't been too picky. I don't know what else I could possibly have done differently to increase my chances, other than getting rich or something. The rejections barely touched me at first, but after a while it just gets to you and becomes more and more painful. In the end it ended up being so fucking painful I was seriously afraid that if it were to happened again I'd seriously hurt myself in an impulse. So I did what I had to do to keep myself from falling into that deep dark place below, and finally, after god knows how many rejections I just stopped trying. I never pushed or tried to force anything, and I honestly think the rejections weren't the result of me trying too hard. And that, ladies and gents, is the sorry ass state I currently find myself in. My apologies for wearing what's left of my heart on my sleeve, I don't usually like to expose my inner thoughts/ruminations/deliberation processes to the outside world like this, but this video struck a nerve (like SoL usually does ☺️) and I couldn't fight it anymore, so it just kinda spilled out or something. Sorry 'bout that. 😁

So, how do I keep the relationship going?

I'm a simple man, I see The School of Life upload, I click.

I've been with my partner for 4.5 years. We were in highschool when we met and we have an apartment and a cat together now. There are growing pains, but I have found that a determination to communicate and be portrayed/perceived as intended is so important.

I always see so much of myself in these videos... Progress is painfully slow but I'm getting there!

My relationship ended just a week ago and I blamed it all on me. Maybe because the shame was something I had throughout the whole relationship but I could also pinpoint a few other risks both me and my partner shared. We thought everything was fine while we went through our relationship with all those risks godammit

Any relationship involves selflessness. When egos get involved, relationships become brittle

They are both anxious but Express themselves differently!

Treating communication as a skill to be practiced every chance you get will do wonders

I just need to date someone that’s exactly like me

My encounter with the school of life was a little too late for my relationship, but I’ll be doing the work for my future self.

I'm sending this to bill & melinda

Deamn... i got these. Im 30, healthy, got money, great with friends terrible in relationships cuz the whole absolutely terrified ill fuck up. I then do. I feel shame for it. I lash out. They leave. I sit and mope it really was all my fault. Cycle repeat. Always least saying ill learn and do better. When its not the doing better i need. Its the doing better at assuring myself its ok to mess up, its ok to feel shame and self loathing. Just dont keep it to yourself as your partner, even thougb theyre the supposed cause of the feelings, wants to help, even from a non-altruistic perspective theyd wanna clear up their name to be seen in good standing. But self indulgent emotions like shame and guilt just get in the way. Let em out.

The School of Life: keeping a relationship going IS VERY IMPORTANT!

Thank you for all the great content! So helpful and uplifting.

Yes, even before the ugly divorce of my parents, I never observed arguments or conversations that had a productive resolution :-( thank god my DH is emotionally mature. I'm learning from him every day.

Thanks for these videos they have been so precious to me these last weeks !

Allain de botton' s voice is so calming...people can also understand who dont speak english fluently.

Just got dumped 5 days ago after 7 months of dating. Thanks school of life!

this popped up the wrong time for me 🧍‍♀️ going through a breakup rn

I want this man´s voice to tell me about everything.

“Relationships end because once the person has you, they stop doing the things it took to get you.”

A great video as usual from SoL but it doesn't really say how to keep a relationship going. It only tells you some of the pitfalls that could help derail a relationship.

IF ONLY both partner want to fix it... Otherwise, one will find himself/herself exhausted to try.

Thank you for these videos. Each team they already on my feed I end up being more honest and open with my partner

Wow. May not seem like much but I just got out of a 2.5 year relationship and I’m 21 so it’s been more than 10% of my entire life with this person and it’s been very hard. Wish this would’ve came out a couple weeks ago, but everything happens for a reason. Thank you school of life for helping me conduct analysis of what may have gone wrong, and maybe what I can change next time for myself.

Tip: Learn about Attachment Theory Thank me later.

lol as I am watching I am recognizing each of these traits in myself and how I act in my current relationship, my first relationship

I relate to the shame part, I was very neglected as a child and I normally don't pay attention to my needs, my boyfriend is helping me with that

I think striving for 'no breakups' as an absolute can be unhealthy. Sometimes your dreams and values turn out to be incompatible, and maintaining those relationships is at the expense of yourself. Although I told myself at the time that I would have followed him and his dreams, he felt too guilty letting that happen apparently. I was devastated, but I think it was the right ending because I had put us on a pedestal and was beginning to lose myself and deny my own wants to satisfy his dreams in life. At least, that is what I am now telling myself.

We also have an unhealthy view of Love. Poetry and cinema tell us Love is perfect. When you find it, the theme music starts playing and all your self-esteem issues just melt away. That's the furthest thing from the truth. You've never been insecure until you've been in love. The question of "Am I not good enough for someone" turns into "There's someone better for them out there, isn't there?". So reshape your idea of Love. It doesn't solve problems. It doesn't alleviate insecurities. It's just another agreement you enter into being a whole person with another whole person. They aren't your missing piece, they aren't the glue to fix your broken vase. Seeing them as an answer will only balloon your insecurities. It's no one's job to fix you. That's your job.

great analysis on relationships. Thank you so much

We appreciate you, Alain.

When two abysses meet no great height is reached

The cartoon for this is charming, humours and spot on.

I miss this voice 💙

Hard to believe even the sea creatures go through the same crap. Great animations by the way

thank you Alain

I'm 34 years old now half thai and swedish I've never been afraid of dying but when my doubting starts than I am afraid live. I am more afraid of failing but I don't want a life of full regret since I will die one day.

Oh wow, thank you! I see so many in me!!! There’s still time to change

Overly strong emotions usually go both directions and are often a sign of instability indeed

I have excessive anxiety and complaint lots but I've been in a relationship for a year and a half🤔

I'm a month into a new relationship and hope for advice on how to progress it...

4:44 Oh man! That is too real!

I love the animal's instead of human animations. Less creepy

If you need to keep the relationship going, skip and go to the next one. Real relationships are pretty straight forward, both trying their best and both enjoy the time spent together

When you just broke up with someone and YT recommends this

So nice of you, thanks a lot🧡

The animation is so amazing, love it

4:43 Poor daddy fish 😵 Thank you for this content. It's helpful for all intimate relationships

I loved the animation for this video. The gulls were very cute.

Is there any reason that when I get mad with my partner and he tries to make me feel good again but seeing how good he is, laughing and doing like nothing it's really happening makes me feel more sad and I deny his help and let myself feel more sad? Idk what to do:(