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How to Lead Tough Conversations | Adar Cohen | TEDxKeene 

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The presentation will explore difficult conversations -- the costs of avoiding them, the benefits of having them, & the three simple rules to leading them successfully. With Adar’s help, gang leaders and police officers in Chicago are preventing gun violence. Protestants and Catholics in Northern Ireland are planning for a shared future. Across the private and public sectors Adar has helped people have big conversations that lead to powerful results. A Harry S. Truman Scholar, a Thomas J. Watson Fellow, and a George Mitchell Scholar, Adar holds a PhD in conflict resolution from the University of Dublin. He has lectured at Harvard University, the University of Chicago, and at the invitation of the King of Bhutan, lectured and consulted at Sherubste University, the Himalayan Kingdom’s first institution for higher education. He is a co-founder of Civic Leadership Foundation, which has achieved life-changing outcomes for over 20,000 at-risk youth. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

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10 ноя 2019

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Комментарии : 143   
@pratapsinghkanishk
@pratapsinghkanishk 4 года назад
1. Moving towards the conflict 2. Asking questions 3. Keeping quiet
@daviedood2503
@daviedood2503 4 года назад
4. Take a stand on what you will and will NOT put up with and tolerate. People seem to play word semantics and keep trying you because you never SAID that you don't like that.
@pyschologygeek
@pyschologygeek 4 года назад
Have the maturity to sometimes know that silence is more powerful than having the last word.
@ugazbethebest8
@ugazbethebest8 3 года назад
What if that silence is observed as being a push over
@charlottetait9566
@charlottetait9566 2 года назад
Op
@EleanorJosefina
@EleanorJosefina 4 года назад
This is actually really important because conversations become so tense in an instant now.
@thevapingauditfrog2387
@thevapingauditfrog2387 4 года назад
Trump.
@Roncass4
@Roncass4 4 года назад
I agree, Trump has created something that needs to be changed.
@thevapingauditfrog2387
@thevapingauditfrog2387 4 года назад
@@Roncass4 And you are part of the problem.
@CaseyFinSF
@CaseyFinSF 4 года назад
Especially in an elevator... see Example above.
@CaseyFinSF
@CaseyFinSF 4 года назад
@@thevapingauditfrog2387 Not if he votes Trump out. Then he's part of the obviously needed solution. 😖🤣🤣🤘
@EnjoyingLife2024
@EnjoyingLife2024 11 дней назад
I have a meeting today where I expect there to be a great deal of conflict between a large group of community leaders on a sensitive subject. I've already been warned that things might go into a very negative direction with the folks in attendance. It's going to be tough today. TY for the three reminders to, 1) Move towards the conflict. Don't run away. I have to step into the conflict, not run away. 2) Know nothing. Or pretend I don't know. Listen to all sides. Give everyone space to share what's on their minds. 3) Keep quiet. Don't interfere once the process of collaboration begins. And finally - remind everyone that we're in this fight together. No one is an enemy. We're all trying to get to our city's better future. TY for the reminders of the steps to handle today's meeting!🙏🙏🙏
@wendywhoisit1819
@wendywhoisit1819 4 года назад
Every conversation is a tough one for me.
@mind-of-neo
@mind-of-neo 4 года назад
Same here
@3rdvoidmen594
@3rdvoidmen594 4 года назад
Practice makes perfect. Good luck
@luxceekeydeey2288
@luxceekeydeey2288 3 года назад
How so? Things can be irritating sometime esp if people are the thing and the people are irritating already on their own anyway . Whats so difficult for u? Jw.
@oilyremedymama
@oilyremedymama 3 года назад
As I get into a conversation I think getting to know the person is a really good way to understand their point of view and move reward from there.
@Buzotales
@Buzotales Год назад
I have always had tough conversations whenever needed , it served me well in most cases , but there has been exceptions too where the other person was a bully and he wouldn’t listen to my point of view no matter what but only tried to enforce his opinion . You don’t always succeed but it’s always best to speak your mind .
@garcettaakagbaby3648
@garcettaakagbaby3648 10 месяцев назад
The symptoms of not having difficult conversations or having them poorly are real! 2:50 it could be minor issue. but it goes unaddressed • frustration sets in • communication constricts • tensions rise • trust evaporates • and collaboration is done.
@itsmidtrib1569
@itsmidtrib1569 4 года назад
I’ve always asked naive questions to keep conversations going, and it really works
@53840mp
@53840mp 4 года назад
Thank you, now I’m ready to talk to my estranged daughter...
@luxceekeydeey2288
@luxceekeydeey2288 3 года назад
Excuse me ?
@Bassywassy20
@Bassywassy20 4 года назад
That was beautiful, really inspiring. What he doesnt mention but points at through his examples is 'vulnerability'. A lot of people are scared of laying their cards on the table even though thats exactly what they want to do. Be the first to share and it opens up an opportunity for others. Depending on the situation that is sometimes a challenge for me as well, also because I'm not a very good smalltalker, but I've seen it work for me many times.
@luxceekeydeey2288
@luxceekeydeey2288 3 года назад
Why are u so paranoid who hurt u
@rachaelyoung6456
@rachaelyoung6456 Год назад
Brene Brown - Dare to lead, 😍
@sososanchez3512
@sososanchez3512 4 года назад
Be more transparent, more intention , sharing is an opportunity for others to understand you better. Love this.
@luxceekeydeey2288
@luxceekeydeey2288 3 года назад
Great comment define transparent
@kaylaryder8371
@kaylaryder8371 Месяц назад
This is so very amazing and different and thank you so much for awakening material Mikayla
@defendliberty1289
@defendliberty1289 4 года назад
This is the first TEDx speech since weeks that is actually useful and not just pandering to the "cult of woke".
@donnacallahan4198
@donnacallahan4198 4 года назад
Yes. Thank you for phrasing it so well. We don't need pop experts to coach us further on how to maintain our place in the *group think tribe.* We need the confidence to weigh information, think independently and share opinions respectfully...and be heard respectfully.
@williammankel376
@williammankel376 4 года назад
This advice is profound. The ability to do what he suggests was fundamental to my job as a psychiatrist. It condenses my higher education re human behavior and how to deal with its aberrations and why there is no shortcut to achieving change but certainly hope for same if it can be conveyed to the patient as well as oneself
@undulatokris8298
@undulatokris8298 3 года назад
My brother laughed at me when I said I wanted to take a course in communication or learn something about it. I'm happy to see that some people have studied something related to it on a higher level. I think learning to communicate better is very important for anyone who isn't entirely self relient and isolated (which is very uncommon).
@forisma
@forisma 4 года назад
Mediation is the most beautiful job in the world.
@sirramshacklemakeshift2782
@sirramshacklemakeshift2782 4 года назад
Don't knowing anything - even if you do - is an essential one. Just used it by chance the other day and it worked very well.
@user-ej1sl5rw7y
@user-ej1sl5rw7y 4 года назад
Yes, Conversations create the future, we need it in every moment from our life, actually we need it to live our life. thanks, Adar.
@yemen-rz9jm
@yemen-rz9jm 4 года назад
Hi. Are you from Yemen ?
@user-ej1sl5rw7y
@user-ej1sl5rw7y 4 года назад
@@yemen-rz9jm Yes, I am
@yemen-rz9jm
@yemen-rz9jm 4 года назад
Thanks for the reply. Residing in Yemen or elsewhere ? Best of luck.
@user-ej1sl5rw7y
@user-ej1sl5rw7y 4 года назад
@@yemen-rz9jm In Yemen
@yemen-rz9jm
@yemen-rz9jm 4 года назад
بالتوفيق. مع اطيب الاماني...
@MariaGarcia-tk7yz
@MariaGarcia-tk7yz Месяц назад
Reglas de la comunicación, 3:54 Representación de las caras, 6:52 Colaboración del público, 10:46 Frase, 14:25
@dianaferreirapacheco6607
@dianaferreirapacheco6607 2 года назад
That's the biggest truth... I see that daily at work with the team... Everytime a good conversation change everything...
@TerryandAntigone
@TerryandAntigone 4 года назад
This is brilliant, superb! Thank you very much for sharing this.
@schu649
@schu649 3 года назад
awesome, thanks for sharing the three principles of leading difficult conversations.
@liu3gz
@liu3gz 4 года назад
We need to send this guy to the Congress and the White House.
@luxceekeydeey2288
@luxceekeydeey2288 3 года назад
Absolutely ! Great manners very patient .
@djlemut
@djlemut 4 года назад
Great ending lines... Thank you!!
@sigi89
@sigi89 4 года назад
Great speech, and very powerful rules for conversation
@arminrau-makingstartupspro7878
@arminrau-makingstartupspro7878 4 года назад
I've also experienced that asking questions is very powerful. Ask and you'll lead.
@lightfountain
@lightfountain 4 года назад
Wonderful perspective and instructions
@mjelliott704
@mjelliott704 4 года назад
thank you this is what I so need conversation
@hayabulmann8632
@hayabulmann8632 4 года назад
Good talk. We also need to work more on the way we talk and address ourselves in a way that we understand each other and appreciate one another. PS : I personally been told that I’m not an expressive person, I mean emotionally, so I’d try to be 😌
@TheMatrixcube
@TheMatrixcube 4 года назад
There,s just one little problem tough ... not every conflict has the luxury of a mediator like yourself...
@lylachristopherson865
@lylachristopherson865 Год назад
I use this technique all the time and it is the best ever.
@danielbarnes2885
@danielbarnes2885 4 года назад
Well done! 👏
@kadjaffer
@kadjaffer 4 года назад
I will start exploring difficult conversations in my communities.
@bad_azz_punk
@bad_azz_punk 4 года назад
All the best soldier
@esportswomen
@esportswomen 4 года назад
Excellent.
@trips4leo
@trips4leo 4 года назад
Thank you for sharing your insights and stories in conflict resolution. I wish one day we can all go to Disneyworld.
@missysharp312
@missysharp312 4 года назад
Thank you. I know this. But, it’s just what I needed reminded of. ❤️ courage and questions
@luxceekeydeey2288
@luxceekeydeey2288 3 года назад
No, thank you so much love 💞 for taking the time out of day to right this
@luxceekeydeey2288
@luxceekeydeey2288 3 года назад
God bless !!
@mentorpozhegu
@mentorpozhegu 4 года назад
Conversation create the future.
@teddybaby1106
@teddybaby1106 4 года назад
beautiful
@borisbeckermarques
@borisbeckermarques 4 года назад
This TedxTalk is amazing. Thanks for sharing!
@Briae
@Briae 4 года назад
He was incredible! Unfortunetly I was the speaker who went on directly after him. Before he went on I told him "following you is cruel and unusual punishment!" 😂
@kelliv2995
@kelliv2995 4 года назад
Lead our government into a conversation please!
@gailmgreenlee7039
@gailmgreenlee7039 4 года назад
Yes we need this guy to do it too.
@luxceekeydeey2288
@luxceekeydeey2288 3 года назад
I love this guy , the crow-
@ivanleon6164
@ivanleon6164 2 года назад
this guy has balls.
@uthonchannel1596
@uthonchannel1596 2 года назад
I really like the video
@AtticTapes14
@AtticTapes14 Год назад
Good stuff
@quitetidy
@quitetidy 2 года назад
Some people straight do not want to have not only tough conversations, but no conversations at all. They deliberately change the subject or don't say anything at all and are extremely passive. Like someone I know. She would rather use another real estate agent to list her house. Someone from church. I'm her adopted daughter. Or at least I am coming to believe that "family" word was used to get something from me. I am an accomplished horse trainer and if I had charged her for the countless hours I spend training her horses, I'd been thousands richer. Family. I haven't started a talk yet. But I don't how this will go. I'm not actually family to her. Perhaps she doesn't mind me, and we've had fun, but she's listing with someone else, moving to another state and I'll never see her or her family again.
@rajeshdarak9286
@rajeshdarak9286 Год назад
The secret formula for finding solutions to tough challenges is right here in this video.
@SmilenWave23
@SmilenWave23 4 года назад
Just to clarify, is the purpose of this advice to help someone HAVE a difficult conversation or LEAD others through one? Or both? Just wondering, Thank you!
@luxceekeydeey2288
@luxceekeydeey2288 3 года назад
Austin-
@samezzieni4750
@samezzieni4750 3 года назад
Amazing Ihis facial features iooks very arabic egyptian ,but he is amazing has the tools of the job
@anniehe7797
@anniehe7797 Год назад
My son keeps procrastinating and whenever I ask him the progress on one thing he refuse to address it. How should I have a conversation with him about getting that one thing to finish?
@burgesssam
@burgesssam 4 года назад
It's all about vulnerability
@humeeayisha3199
@humeeayisha3199 4 года назад
❤️
@millsanais5364
@millsanais5364 4 года назад
Angel angel angel angel angel 👼
@fatimazrar2217
@fatimazrar2217 4 года назад
دەست خۆش💜
@thevapingauditfrog2387
@thevapingauditfrog2387 4 года назад
Trump 2020.
@fatimazrar2217
@fatimazrar2217 4 года назад
It not clere
@thevapingauditfrog2387
@thevapingauditfrog2387 4 года назад
@@fatimazrar2217 Not, "clere"?
@fatimazrar2217
@fatimazrar2217 4 года назад
@@thevapingauditfrog2387 😊
@coltonsnyder1262
@coltonsnyder1262 4 года назад
💜
@leandroalbuquerque3465
@leandroalbuquerque3465 4 года назад
Não sei inglês e não oferece a opção de legenda em português.
@JoakimHallgren
@JoakimHallgren 4 года назад
Então você precisa aprender inglês!
@AcesizOfficial
@AcesizOfficial 4 года назад
🙌🏽🇬🇧
@XavierZara
@XavierZara 4 года назад
Where's TEDxDetroit 2019?
@luxceekeydeey2288
@luxceekeydeey2288 3 года назад
Tex x America 2021..?
@maramheeh2167
@maramheeh2167 9 месяцев назад
How can we contact with Mr.Adar Cohen?
@nensitriwulandari6340
@nensitriwulandari6340 2 года назад
mantap djiwa
@petermollo1908
@petermollo1908 11 месяцев назад
Fantastic presentation but it would be interesting to hear it from a 1st person perspective rather than a mediators perspective
@angelikaskoroszyn8495
@angelikaskoroszyn8495 4 года назад
From my experience the antithesis of dialog is a political debate. The mediator is either biased or encouraging conflict where it doesn't exist. Both sides care more about "owning" the opponent rather than trying to find a common ground. Both sides use cheap dialectics to make their voters feel good for choosing the right side... Ugh, can't stand watching those clowns There's a special place for the people who try to bring more peace to our very divided world. Sadly sometimes only violence works
@Mathisdebeaumont
@Mathisdebeaumont 2 года назад
if you're here because you got caught smoking in your college dorm, you a real one
@60-second-HACKS
@60-second-HACKS 3 года назад
How old is this guy that he was involved in The Troubles? THe Troubles ended with The Belfast Agreement in 1998 apart from a couple of internal faction skirmishes.
@WillyJunior
@WillyJunior 3 года назад
I was going to say! This guy had a conversation once in Northern Ireland...
@CaseyFinSF
@CaseyFinSF 4 года назад
Somebody let's out a horrid fart in an elevator. Man to group heading toward conflict, "Was it YOU!" Group looks at man and stays silent.
@michaelmills9105
@michaelmills9105 4 года назад
Man in the spotlight, his eyes focused a thousand miles away, inhales deeply... responds slowly articulating; "Not bad" then sighs.
@luxceekeydeey2288
@luxceekeydeey2288 3 года назад
Is this a joke
@luxceekeydeey2288
@luxceekeydeey2288 3 года назад
@ my first comment You as in hypothetically ... No one. Not you (@ the motivational speaking activist ). Thanks for reading ! I
@Sean-rawlins
@Sean-rawlins 2 года назад
20:20
@LoweCommotionStudio
@LoweCommotionStudio Год назад
15 minutes of a guy explaining that he's some type of linguistic savior, but he's saying it slowly and has a PhD. This is nothing but typical motivational speaking. Wow, listening is so groundbreaking. Such grand observations in a very controlled setting of inmates that have to behave or they are going back to their cells. Take that security guard out of the equation and that guy wouldn't have lasted 5 minutes. Psychologists are some of the biggest self-absorbed head cases on the planet. I can't stress that enough.
@NAGAWARRIOR
@NAGAWARRIOR 4 года назад
Here Im to help new RU-vidrs
@heavysleeperassclapper6054
@heavysleeperassclapper6054 4 года назад
You are from North East India?
@NAGAWARRIOR
@NAGAWARRIOR 4 года назад
@@heavysleeperassclapper6054 yes
@NAGAWARRIOR
@NAGAWARRIOR 4 года назад
@@heavysleeperassclapper6054 support my channel..by subscribing ..😊 I sub you back
@carcasscruncher9354
@carcasscruncher9354 Год назад
Guy doesn't look nearly old enough to have been in Ireland at the times he claims. Of course talking is better than a fist fight, war, genocide. I bet Ireland cant even remember how their civil war started. I also bet that it goes back to St. Patrick. St. Patrick was credited with taking all the snakes out of Ireland. Yet, Ireland is too cold for snakes. No snakes lived in Ireland. So what is he talking about? Everyone once worshipped the serpent. So perhaps it was the worship of the serpent that he banished. But did he really? No. He sure didnt. Just another religious war gone civil in my opinion.
@godmon8
@godmon8 Год назад
Nothing about his NI story sounds true. But that's about the only part of this comment I can abide, because the rest of it is nonsense. The Irish, Northern Irish, and people identifying as Irish/British in NI remember fairly well about what started the conflict. Of course, exactly what is remembered depends on the side of the argument you're on. What it is certainly not about is St. Patrick. St. Patrick's banishing of snakes from Ireland is an allegorical tale, like most religious stories, about banishing heathenism from the island and introducing Christianity. Absolutely nothing to do with anything. There are plenty of sources to learn more about the Troubles before making strange comments on the internet.
@amusicated
@amusicated 4 года назад
The guys mouth is dry af
@shembeliever6095
@shembeliever6095 3 года назад
How rude!
@andziazach
@andziazach Год назад
He kinda lost me at this initial story. Maybe it's ADHD but I had difficulty following his message with that speed and lots of unnecessary decorative words.
@lizslack2669
@lizslack2669 10 месяцев назад
Agreed
@sheltonoday4347
@sheltonoday4347 2 года назад
The petite position expectably exist because security premenstrually rock within a female fertile canvas. questionable, unable tractor
@Yantastic89
@Yantastic89 4 года назад
Why is there so much lip smacking sounds
@Nattyog
@Nattyog 4 года назад
he had dry mouth. they need to give presenters water before going on stage.
@tomoeagentlight
@tomoeagentlight 4 года назад
I like those sounds though
@asokoron
@asokoron 4 года назад
ASMR😂
@Roncass4
@Roncass4 4 года назад
When speaking to Trump supporters I keep asking , if your partner or spouse lied to you about virtually everything, all day long, would you stay with them? Most the time I’m shocked at the response, silence!
@soraaftp
@soraaftp 4 года назад
Ronnie Cassady ok boomer
@Roncass4
@Roncass4 4 года назад
Owen-Boomer? What? 😳
@volcanowb
@volcanowb 4 года назад
@@soraaftp ?
@stork412
@stork412 Год назад
This dude's voice is annoying lol. good stuff though!
@user-iz3hg3rr9q
@user-iz3hg3rr9q Год назад
The irritating cake observationally punch because curler concomitantly rot times a chilly ambulance. foolish, imminent luttuce
@sonnybowden6030
@sonnybowden6030 Год назад
11
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