The best way I found to make friends is to participate in aerobic classes at the gym. Go consistently and on a regular basis. Over time you will see the same folks over and over and make friends. When you see someone all the time it will be natural to strike up a conversation. Say "Wow, that was a great class today. Did you like it?" I have made my very best, lifelong friends at the gym. You have a common interest with the group and are doing something positive for yourself.
1. Bloom where you're planted 2. Put yourself out there 3. Be a friend 4. Be on the look out for common ground 5. Pick 2 or 3 people and invest in them
most of my life I lived really isolated, thinking that nobody would help me when in trouble, because I was left down many times by those who were nearest to me. But as I had the courage to speak about the problem I was currently facing, there were three wonderful women I had met just once who offered help and got my best friends now. We have fun together and they showed care and kindness to help a stranger when in need. I am so thankful I opened my mouth and spoke about my problem. Although didn't even think they could help me, they actually did and this very successfully. Also had the opportunity to help them too, and am very grateful for their friendship.
Thank you Alex! I think this is a super important topic and a reminder for people like me who struggle to make friends with. 1. Bloom where you are planted 2. Put yourself out there 3. The best way to make friend is to be a friend 4. Be on the lookout for common ground 5. Pick two or three people to invest in more... No.3 and No.5 are my personal likes 😍
It’s difficult to make friends as adults because all people around you already have their problems while you have yours to deal with, and some of the problems can be quite serious (yours or theirs): obviously if you make friends with people you are submitting yourself to some parts of their problems now, but are you ready for this? It’s really a great deterrent for me for example.
When I was personal training the elderly, I would ask them about their family, their career, their pets, their food choices, this or that... take a sincere personal interest in what is going on with them and they will come to rely and depend upon you being there for that appointment. This will cement the friendship.
Your point on listening is a golden key Keep it simple. To gain friends be friendly. Friends are to value, not use. Give positive feedback not criticism. People with a wide cycle of friends with varied interests live better and longer. Stay engaged with life through friends.
I really like it that you give advice from your background as a communication professor on topics that are not essentially business related. Nothing wrong with talking about business, we owe a lot to the flourishing of business. But in my opinion your field (communication) is much more complete if you also talk about friendships and perhaps other topics outside of business.
5-tip action plan to make friends: 1) Bloom where you are planted. -realize that proximity plays a major role in who become your friends. 2) Put yourself out there. -accept invitations. (Be willing to accept all REASONABLE invitations for a period of time if needed and up for the challenge). -consider joining/starting a group. 3) The best way to make friends is to be a friend. -be a giver, not a taker. -take a genuine interest in others. - Be a good listener. (Listening is love). -Let people get to know you by being open. 4) Be on the lookout for common ground. -the more common ground you have on a variety of issues, the more there is to talk about, share, and bond over. 5) Pick two or three people to invest in more. -spend some time here, create some boxes on what kind of person you want to invest in.
This was a good video. Thank you for this. I was struggling since the pandemic and major change in my life with connecting with others and this was a good simple way to approach it. I appreciate this very much.
Thanks for the reminder that I do have friends! I’m working on branching out to new friends as well as working on the current friends. Once you find friends it takes effort maintaining the friendships. Friendships can change over time so that’s something else to consider. New friends are fun and getting to know others is an adventure. Keep putting great tips out there that encourage us this way. I belong to a church and that’s one more place to make and develop friends. Thanks for the reminder!!
This has been one of the best videos I’ve watched on this topic. Informative, very practical tips to implement, and also makes me feel really hopeful hearing your own story, and how those tips worked for you. Thank you for sharing this! I’m living in a new city now, and work from home, so it’s hard to meet people. Thank you for sharing! These are things I can practically implement.
Thanks coach. Very good video. Very insightful. I didn't even know I wanted any friends. You mentioned some struggle's with making friends. For me it's I realized it's fear. I have been betrayed many times. My parents divorced. Also as a kid My mother moved us around a lot. Also I was married and thought we would be together forever. Because of adultery. We split up. . This is very real in many people's lives. It does make a person think what is the point they are not going to stay anyway. So I would like to challenge you coach to make a video on making friendships with the right people and why to try. I have learned a few things lately. But I am willing to put my self out there. I know I am okay but there's other people struggling. You have a kindness about you and I believe you can reach people that is hurting.
These are all great, and I don't think limited to just adults. This is good even for younger children learning how to make friends or who attend schools that aren't in their neighbourhoods or who live in spread out areas. I do think asking people what they do for work needs to die, though. There are some people who are, yes, lucky enough to be able to do what they really want, but for most, their work doesn't define who they are, and this thinking often creates that alignment in our minds. It furthermore makes people uncomfortable if they aren't where they want to be, parent who are stay at home inevitably get looks like they sit around eating bon bons all day even if they do the housework, finances carpentry, etc. People with degrees who struggle to get jobs in their fields and reminded of this, people in blue collar work inevitably question whether this will have some snooty a hole looking down their nose at them. I don't know. I don't think it's necessary to define someone by their job. For some reason the people that do this also really don't seem to take the hint if you don't discuss your work and it becomes a weird, unpleasant situation.
I agree. Most people view work as the thing that pays the bills, even if they like their job. But if you work at the same company this may not be true. It is a good way to find out more about someone and their situation though. You do have to learn it at some point to become their friend.
Great topic Coach Alex, thanks for sharing. I remembered my high school days, I almost know everyone at my school. Back then I was the jolliest person. But time changed as I matured, I became an introvert person. But I'm still lucky to have two friends who stand by me through my ups and downs. True friendship never ends.
You are doing a great service to society. I wish more young people today will hear you so that they spend lesser time on social media and have fuller lives of their own by having real friends and going on small and great adventures together with real friends. Sharing this with my nephews and nieces. Thanks a lot.
Hi, Genuinely, thank you so much for your valuable tips. It sounds so bother simple and natural. I would like to meet someone with this kind of belief and way of seeing life, honest, true, and once again simple. Please keep going. Take care
Yes I realise you have to be giving, generous, friendly and a good listener. I can do that easily. But I hate talking about myself because my life is boring. I can say some things but I don't think many people are really interested. It's trying to think of what to say to someone is what I have difficulty with.
These are great tips if someone wants to make friends. Growing up I always had a group of friends to do stuff with. With multiple moves to different cities, I’m happy to just hang out with family and a few old friends occasionally. They live far away. My best friends are my boyfriend, whom I live with, and my sister, who lives in a nearby city. I’m 52. Have lived in a new city for the past couple of years. I like my alone time, and making friends is not a priority for me. I’m open to friendship, but I’m fine without them. I think that’s ok, too. I wonder if there are lots of others who feel the same, or if this feeling is unusual.
Yes, I am like you Marie. (63) I 'sort of' like being by myself. I would prefer friendships but I am NOT a 'Worldly person'. I would LOVE to have fellowship with fellow Christians, but the simple true FACT is 99% of them ARE trinitarians, and NOT Christians. - So I therefore have NOWHERE to fellowship. Regards.
It’s is a great video to help people because so many people feel lonely in their lives. I think your approaches in the video are very practical and I am using some of them before I watch your video. Thank you!
Just watched this video again. I. Got a little more out of it. I'm probably going to listen to it a few times more. It's like fresh water for a very thirsty soul. Have a great day coach 😊
I always wanted to make friends, even as an adult. I don't really want to be alone anymore. I always go walk outdoors to discover new places. Sure i have problems like right now I'm on debt, but I'm not giving up because at the same time, I'll have the sign of relief for improving my financial health. 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻
These tips are very helpful ,however they are relative to the country or culture you come from. The most important tip here is an unspoken one, it's the fact that you can change not having friends and that it's not a situation you have to live with the rest of your life.
Proximity is absolutely correct. I have a few things to say about this topic. Friend: someone who has something you NEED or WANT.... sounds harsh but think about it. And I'm talking about adults not kids. I have worked all over this world sans Asia and maybe this is just me, but in my experience non Americans are FAR easier to establish friendships with and I say that AS an American, well half American. The north eastern US is not exactly fertile ground for friendships and of course I am speaking broadly.
I would love a video or link to an existing video about speaking at a memorial. I am tasked with writing part of the eulogy and speaking at my beloved uncle's celebration of life. Besides somewhat controlling my emotions, I am weary of saying the wrong thing or leaving out something crucial. I want everyone to remember him as the funny and adventurous man he was and to convey the love and gratitude we all share. But I am one to fumble on words and blurt out something embarrassing or inappropriate out of nervousness.
Thank you very much for the Video. I admire and respect you. You looked like a Dale Carnegie, how to wind friends and influence people. I love your sentences, such as "listening is love."
interesting. Fun as the "yes" approach (cf yes man fun movie) could work. My take on the difference when you're younger in college/ Vs working full time in a company is that in a company there's often a competition back ground, and also, oneself at work is not systematically your home self. you have to go by a specific culture, refrain yourself often, And that's a great difference to me. Not saying it's impossible, but definitely not easing it at all . So interesting too on Takers (so so true)
That's very true, Marina. Working from home is a huge barrier. As mentioned in the video, I recommend finding a group that does things you already like (or would like to learn more about). Just go for the activity and it'll put you around people who you almost automatically have things in common with.
Can you do a segment on how to graciously avoid an unwanted friendship without making the other person feel bad? Especially when dealing with needy people.
I'm confused. Why would an extrovert turn down invitations, thinking "I don't know anybody" when you hope to meet new people? Isn't the definition of an extrovert someone who meets people? Why would you reject an opportunity to do so?
As I said, I was moping around and homesick. Also, extroversion is not tied directly to wanting to meet *_new_* people, especially in all situations. If you look up explanations of the term, you'll see that is not the definition of it. I was missing my old friends and family and feeling a bit depressed about it all. As my story illustrates, I snapped out of it after several weeks.
Church is an awesome place to make friends. We have met so many other young families there. It’s funny, cause the first few interactions are almost like dating.
May I ask please, are you a trinitarian, or a Christian? ( SERIOUS question ) I have found not ONE Christian church. ALL are trinitarian churches. FACT. (they ALL WILL PERISH) (hell)
I will reach out to someone twice. If they don’t respond or meet me “halfway” in terms of making an effort to get a friendship going, I let it go. There are SO MANY flakes out there!
Hey, just wanted to come back to this video and comment. We moved to a new area lately and have been working on meeting people, making friends, and building a network. Your tips have really helped. Especially just saying yes to any and all social invitations, and getting involved in community groups. Thanks again for the great content. :)
I eat out often, and alone because my bf is an Eat & Run type of person, where I enjoy the experience., and I love sitting at the bar at restaurants. I have made a few great friends and have made numerous acquaintances from doing what I enjoy. I feel going out alone is easier to start, make and keep conversations going.
@Communication Coach Alex Lyon I’m an autistic young adult...who’s also in college. Could I still use your tips to make new friends, even given that I lost almost all of my grade school friends?
I live 1 hr from the city where the clubs and people I am interested in are present. Your tips are wonderful, but does not apply to my situation. The people in our village are stuck to attending the village church, they have their church clubs and mostly dismiss dismiss
I would love to know how to decline an invitation politely. Not making up false excuses about why I can’t make it…because I totally can. I just don’t want to. How do I decline politely?
I think it's fine to bring it up the fact that you're planning to move but I wouldn't talk about it most conversations or lead with that. Also, it might be best to focus on joining groups if you plan to move because that's the easiest way to be around people with similar interests and the investment of time people are making in getting to know you will be in the context of also engaging in the group activity.
They are really awesome people. We're still in touch with them. They were just excited about their plans to move. It's hard to know how others will respond to that but I'm guessing that other people weigh the potential costs of investing in a friendship when they know it won't last.
@@alexanderlyon My purpse to be a manager in the future, this is the reason why i follow you, i found you give a very great sample to be. I share your contents with my friends because you use a very easy ways to becoming.
I didn't/don't get invited to people's homes very often, or at least not at first. But there are all sorts of other events I hear about. Some are direct invitations to me but most are general invitations. For example, just today, I received a mass email (20 others on it) that invited me to a Christmas party. If I go to that, I'm likely to meet people and strike up conversations and take it from there. I'm guessing you at least get some invites to work-related social events/gatherings like that. It may take a long time to become actual friends but one way to begin connecting is to accept invitations and I'm defining "invitation" in the broadest possible way.
@@alexanderlyon I am invited to all the employee events, i am even required to go to some. These are held during work hours so in many cases you show up get a piece of cake and return to your desk in short time so you don't get behind. They are not set up for socializing.
What do you think about people that don't respond to your phone calls and your text messages for weeks and then all of the sudden respond. I know dozens of people this way and I would say everybody that I talk to knows dozens of people this way I just don't understand that. If somebody text messages me or calls me or emails me I get back to them at least within 48 hours. I don't understand waiting 2-3 weeks to get back with somebody. Nobody is that busy.
I have to say- I have been guilty of this myself sometimes. I'm an extremely caring person. I'm also a busy working mom. I constantly feel like I'm running from one thing to the next. I also have a bit of social anxiety, and it takes a real effort for me at times to get myself to social gatherings. If a friend reaches out to me for help or advice, I'll respond right away. If someone just reaches out saying hi- there have been times I've taken a bit to get back to them. And I always feel terrible about it. It has nothing to do with them- and everything to do with me and where I'm at at that time. It really isn't because I don't care. I'm just...idk, doing my best to handle everything on my plate. I just wanted to share my perspective as the other side in that dynamic and offer that it's not always intentional or personal. It's not because you're doing something wrong... it's just, the other person is sometimes absorbed in their lives and probably doing their best. I will also say though- if a friend talked to me about it, and said- I really don't like it when you do this- I would make it a point to get back to them. Even if just to say- hey, I have all this stuff going on, and I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed, but I wanted to get back to you and acknowledge that I hear you. So maybe it would help if you talked to your friends that do this, and let them know how you feel when they don't respond to you. If it continues, then you can reevaluate whether you want to keep investing in the friendship. Wishing you the best. :)
Since I got divorced I've only worked and not made any friends that are not work mates who I don't spend time with after work. I got divorced 11 years ago.
A great many people would take you for a stalker, or a predator, using your tips. Still, what are the other options?, wait until you can save their life? Long ago, I saw a quote about friends: "A true friend is one that is as concerned about your wefare as he is about his own." Sort of a high bar. So, lower the bar, then everyone you know,...have ever met,...is a good friend!! Some people's kids!! They have too high a standard for what constitutes a good friend. I'm kinda guilty of that myself. On the other hand, if someone like Tom Brady or the President, stops to ask how I'm doing, they've just made a lifelong friend of me. Friendship is a complicated condition sometimes, and sometimes not. Good luck with that.
