Talking with Renata - How to PARENT children without PUNISHMENT and REWARDS, with Alfie Kohn.
Parents used to punish their children a lot. Then we’ve been convinced that it’s much better to use rewards instead. But now many psuchologist and educators say that's wrong too. Alfie Kohn was one of the first advocates of eliminating punishments and rewards all together.
“Punishment is destructive, - says Alfie Kohn. A number of people seem to think if we call it “consequences” or insert the modifier “logical,” then it’s okay. “Logical consequences” is an example of what I call “punishment lite,” a kinder, gentler way of doing things to children instead of working with them.
Having said that, I’ll move on to rewards. Rewards and punishments are both ways of manipulating behavior. They are two forms of doing things to children. And to that extent, all of the research that says it’s counterproductive to say to children, “Do this or here is what I’m going to do to you,” also applies to saying, “Do this and you’ll get that.” Ed Deci and Rich Ryan at the University of Rochester are right when they call rewards “control through seduction.”
Alfie Kohn is an American author and lecturer in the areas of education, parenting, and human behavior. He is a proponent of progressive education and has offered critiques of many traditional aspects of parenting, managing, and American society more generally, drawing in each case from social science research.
Enjoy the conversation and tune in for more!
www.alfiekohn....
Talking points:
- What does science research say about punishment and rewards
- Why punishment doesn't work in the long term perspective
- How rewards are the other side of controlling mecanism
- what is unconditionnel parenting
- why connection matters
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22 сен 2024
