The first time I used the word BOUNDARY with my father was at 56, asking him to please dtop triangulating me by calling my tgerapist. He slapoed me. I knew, then, EXACTLY whst I was dealing with and what I had to do, thanks to you, Lisa. Thank you Forever.
I don’t feel so alone watching some of these posts. My experience growing up was rough a lot of the time at home. I ran for years from trauma and it nearly killed me running away from it, self medicating,or denied it happened. It’s hard for me look at narcissistic people as mentally flawed I think some are plane wicked. I have low tolerance for narcissistic people. Still working on how to be civil with narcissistic people and stop feeding these beasts. Getting the right help is best decision I ever made. Life is good now.
I've started to let people act as they will, but I keep a running record of everything that is said and done, because eventually they will paint themselves into a corner that they cannot escape from, exposure is the best defense.
I am 65. I went No Contact with my mother and 3 sisters 5 years ago. (Oh how I wish I had done it years ago). Even though I have had weekly therapy sessions for 2 years, taking medication for anxiety and depression, have read every book and watched every video out there...I am still, on a daily basis, triggered by past trauma. This is SO DIFFICULT to heal from. But I'm not giving up.
When I was about 8 or 9 I was riding my bike around the neighborhood. I went to turn a corner and a car came out of nowhere. It hit me and I flew off of my bike and landed on the curb. My knees were bloody and scraped up and I was banged up a bit. I went inside my house and I told my sister and my mom that I was hit by a car. My mom said, no you weren't. I said I was hit by a car. She said, no, you weren't and smiled. So, I went into the bathroom and cleaned myself up. And went on with my day. I wish I would've had a mom like you Lisa❤I know that sounds weird and needy. But, I don't mean it that way. My roommate is a narcissistic toxic personality. High conflict personality. I stand my ground with her but I notice in my body now my heart starts to beat really fast and my body starts to shake when she starts to argue with me over nonsense. I hate her. I've been praying to God and listening to your videos. Wishing I could afford to live on my own. Recently she was called away to take care of her grandmother. So now she's gone and I've been cleaning the Apt and enjoying peace. While she is away, I'm going to save as much money as I can, every penny I can so I can find a place of my own with my cat Whisper. My ghosts have always been my friends. I can make peace with them now. At least they've always been there with me.
Great video....my life changed when I learned how to say "No".....to so many people who "dicked" with me at so many levels....now I Do meditate and look Within for all fulfillment....daily.....no more sticky, manipulative, confusing relationships. Namaste to you Lisa....and Thank You!
You've so hit the nail on the head that you've got me in tears. Living with a narcissist keeps me in a permanent state of tension and stress. I feel like I will never get it right.
Very helpful.....Thank you once again, Lisa, for providing the clarity and steps needed to truly understand and heal from these painful and exhausting triggers.
Gosh, thank you. This is making more sense to me as I progress on my healing journey. I realized the other day that I can not handle these intense or off emotions in my body. They are really uncomfortable and I don''t know what to do with them. I dropped out of a program and literally sabotaged my career again because I could not stand these feelings, but I am also done with isolation. I can not take it anymore. The difference this time is awareness after years of blindness and not sure if it's a blessing or a curse. I will try to follow the steps you laid out and hopefully one day I can overcome my challenges. Thank you!
When I allowed my (extremely narcissistic brother), which for many decades (he was incarcerated, that should've been the first clue) anyway when I allowed him to live on my property after he was paroled, wow it got so bad! I was SOOOOO blindsided. Now I feel I've lost my brother and we had a better relationship while he was locked up. So I thought. He was just using me. Now I see all the damage he's done and I'm at a grey rock type of interaction with him. Me studying this has helped so much! My cortisol was probably through the roof! I got sick 3 times (in the summer even) when he came here. He's a pathological liar which I know comes with the territory. He now lives with my alcoholic step brother which whom I am also estranged with. Can you guess who the bad "guy" is? I'm very assertive and will confront any type of unacceptable behavior. You can also bet that was fully accepted by my brother.
It is so interesting as I have recently been triggered into feelings of worthlessness due to one conversation. Wasnt so much the words then the mean spiritedness. I guess it also allows me the opportunity to see how much I have healed as I do not identify with the feelings and realise how it felt to live behind the veil. You always pull me out of my codependent vortex. Thank you!
Beeeautiful explanation in which helped me to reflect and be more loving & caring for myself, I appreciate you Lisa🙌🙌 ssso glad I’m following you💥💥💥keep rockin your awesome teachings✨🦋
This video is an emotional trigger 😂 Love it. Explains my experiences so well. Others, too, I'm sure. Thank goodness for channels like this. And therapy. For those sitting on the fence about whether to go or not - go.
I remember being bullied so much at school, and there were signs and symptoms, but no one ever asked. So no one knew. I begged to get out of gym class and instead of ever asking let alone addressing why, my mom got me out of gym during middle school. I sat in the library during that time. Generally, unless my mom already believes something, a new idea presented by one of her kids isn't accepted by her. If an external authority brings it up to her first, she might address it, or she might be so ashamed that someone external noticed, that she somehow ignores harder. 😖
Just now from your video realizing exactly how wack it was of my parents to tell me I wasn't allowed to go to the college I wanted to. You're right, I was just an OBJECT to represent THEIR values and accomplishments 😢
@@kimgordon3695 I'm so glad you mentioned this because it's a normal response to abnormal events, hence why I'm hoping the word can be officially removed sooner rather than later! I prefer to say complex trauma in regard to myself and it's great that some psychologists etc have simliar views. 😊
Thank you so much for all you do on this topic. It has cause so much healing in my life. I was wondering if you have encountered the feeling like I'm becoming two people? One person to be around someone with Narcissist tendency so I can protect me. And one that I'm who I real am, sharing, caring, able to say no and yes as I feel.
I never understood my parents lack of Guidance on my educational years, let alone why they had no idea of how raising One child let alone two would be this issue in how we were separated between our grandparents. My issues and triggers are of what my parents did to my Sister and I.
My naber died, a man who was alone most of the time. He seemed to have 3 children ,couple of gran kids and 10 brothers and sisters, they spoken crap about him while the people in the naberhood have never seen him as selfish and entitled as according to his family he sure was. His family did not have contact with the naber for manny years. And us telling them that he always was friendly and in a good mood that irritated them. It does remind me that i was more guarded arround my family (they call that arrogance) for me it was self defence. I don't see them. My mood bettered ,i don't resonate with them. The letting go was good.
Whenever my parents accuse me of something evil. This triggers memories of when my ex-abuser ex-husband accused me of stealing money from the HELOC in which I was able to prove that I was innocent in court. Whenever my parents say or do evil against me, the feelings that I get are, just the feelings to cry. I cry and pray for the Lord God Almighty Jesus strength and wait on him to rescue me from all my enemies. Whether it's family members or people I do not know, near or far, men or women. I am trying so hard but I definitely believe that both my parents are losing their memory.
Can you still heal and implement these strategies if you are unable to be entirely no contact with the person with whom you are aware is still triggering you? The one who was a source of toxicity? I do the work, I see results, I feel the results…but it’s so difficult when the “source” is someone with whom you still must be in contact? I’m changing they are not (and I know never will)…not all of us are able to just walk away or go entirely no contact…I know there must be others who are trying to heal and have the additional challenges of still having to be in contact with those who were/are the source of our pain? Can it be done? The healing that is….
During or after a trigger I begin rueminating. This is the hardest part for me to stop. And it comes in waves, like a ghost following me who wants to remind me that I need to feel bad in some way. What is the best way to deal with this?
Two weeks ago my narcissistic father and my mother (his flying monkey) came over to blame me bc I said NO when he asked me to do something illegal. So, they made me sign to be out of the family business. I don’t care about that but I snapped when I acknowledge he was punishing bc I doesn’t obey. I’m a 50 year old single woman, and I regret confronting him. He played the victim with all my family. My siblings send me hateful messages. I’m sorry for not had been able to shut up, but Im aware now I was it was a response to all those decades of emotional abuse from him.
I see this happening with a young lady that lives with me and my mother. the way she teaches her daughters to spout, very woke ideology. The first parade she ever took them to was a pride parade. she was my nephews girlfriend and they had two children together and lived as man and wife without the marriage document for 11 years, and then she begin to have affairs on him. It’s such a bizarre view of the world. my mother allows them to continue to live with us until she gets on her feet and moves out. My mother believes if you show kindness continually eventually a person will change. my mother is a super empath. (see I’ve learned from you!)The young lady follows the narcissistic path of vicariously living through her daughter (particularly the oldest one who has a green hair) and they are an extension of herself. The oldest is only 12 and she is already using pronouns they/them. her mother, insisting that’s the way she be called. I feel sorry for the children but she has somehow caused them to be unsure about me in particular because I’m a Christian I try to gray rock and have no contact but it’s hard. I am very empathetic as well, but I’ve learned that flying monkeys may come my way at any time because she’s done it before.
+lisaaromano1 *Or so the neurotypical can be programmed.* I am an autist whom the school systems o' the 1970's and '80's failed; the successful social and emotional development programs we have nowadays (including Gutstein and Sheely's design-patented Relationship Development Intervention Program, whitherinto I entered 27 December 2022 as a Novice) had yet to be invented when I's in school. As of 24 May 2023 I am an Immature Attachment Style, therefore play the Dismissive Avoidant _far_ more often than I care to admit. Rarely triggered due to autistic neurology. Not comforted by a glance and/or soothing words, neither referencing others for safety and/or security. Barely getting started with appreciation of others. Detect others' communication attempts as hit-and-miss.
I used to tell my ex-abuser ex-husband almost everything that was going on in parents life, not knowing that would use it to attack me with whatever evil deeds my parents had done. I never wanted to tell my ex-abuser ex-husband anything about my parents but he was very good and knew how to manipulate me and he would convince me. My ex-abuser ex-husband would say...."Why are you crying?" Then of course I would respond with....It's alright, there is problem with my parents and it's private and I cannot tell you anything about it. Of course, he was very manipulate and I would tell him. He would say...."You can trust me, I am here for you and I will never tell anyone" but he would throw in my face whenever he would become very angry with me. Whenever he would throw everything that I had told him about my parents, I knew that I could no longer trust him with my life nor anything else. He broke the truth and he would demand that I trust him. I gave up trusting such a an abuser, manipulator never again.
I feel like I will never ge tout if this. I am so totally stuck. It seems there is so much to fix that I don't know where to start. Good therapists or people like Lisa, specialists in this area,are not available at any local mental health facility. To go private is.impossible.to.afford. It seems there is no way out. I am 33 and I feel like I am.forever stuck with all my issues,feeling thrown out of boat at all times. Feeling both so different,too deep and too senstivite yet a total mess and anrgry,and unlikeable due to the constant moodiness.
