HOW TO SAY NO! 

Girl don't even worry about these people saying you've changed. Keep doing Patricia boo!

Topic request: How do you move on from past things you've done that you are ashamed of?

you're the best! love you and this video!

Pat, I am GLAD you made this video, me and my cousin was debating this yesterday and she needs to see this! To be honest, i do not say yes so easily, and people especially my family have labelled me as selfish because of this. BUT when you know your worth and you know what you can handle then you just got to say NO this life is not all about pleasing others am sorry! lol, you cannot put heaps on you and take in everything just so others are happy... life is about balance, and if you weigh yourself with too much it can be stressful and either people can use you like a doormat or you can be labelled as cheap and easy! I also get the picture when someone says no to me, or just does not respond to a blatant question i ask, or they are avoiding the issue ... i am not offended... lol because I get it!!

I really needed this. Great advice. I always find myself saying yes and more often than not end up not very happy about the situation I said yes to. Thanks for sharing xxx

Thank you! I had friends who always asked "why" when I said I couldn't do something & for some reason i felt entitled to respond which made them ask me even more questions like my reason wasn't good enough. I'm going into 2015 leaving all that nonsense behind & this video was perfect timing!! I'm hoping this video and the viewers' comments can help me to say NO more moving forward :)

Definitely needed to hear this. I've gotten myself into potentially dangerous situations by not being able to say no. Thank you so much!

Omg I'm exactly like you! I literally don't know how to say NO, I just always say 'yeah sure I'll do it' or 'oh no it's fine, I'll do it'! When deeply I'm like omg what have you just done Toyosi?!😭 this video has really helped. Thanks💞

As I've gotten older I've gotten better at this but this is still a good reminder to continue to work on this.

Please talk about friendships.... Like how you know when it's coming to an end, maintaining a healthy friendships etc.

This is so true. I've learned that I'm more important and if I continue to say yes to something I don't want to do in the end I live with regret and anger. Regret because its something I don't want to do and anger because I knew I had the power to say no and I didn't. There's also nothing wrong with being a little selfish.

OMG! I NEEDED to see this! I am such a people pleaser and my desire is to be more assertive in 2015. I find I people please ALL THE TIME! Why? I was taught treat people how you want to be treated and to do for others without expecting anything in return. I also find that I don't want to upset, disappoint, "disrespect" (this relates to the job and/or romantic relationship scenario) create drama/ uneasy tension or feel it is going to cause a strain on the relationship in the long run especially if it is my Boss asking me to do something....I just have this fear that me saying no is going to influence my job security(or lackthereof), raise and/or promotion so I have always said yes to my own detriment! Driving myself crazy trying to fulfill on these promises and/or commitments I have made. It is time that I start saying no....just a firm no, without any apologies, excuses or explanations to follow it. Because when I don't set boundaries and really stick to them, people tend to take advantage, take you for granted, or worse, invites disrespect because people know you aren't going to speak up or speak out. I can honestly say I am getting better with this....I think a lot of it has to do with me turning 30 and just not giving two shits when it comes to putting me first. Thanks Again Patricia! This came right on time.

I wish this worked. I'm the pushover who does everything for everyone and the first time I refuse I get treated like crap, whereas the person who always puts his foot down about what he will or will not do gets treated with respect and does half the work. I still haven't worked out how to become that person.

I would say yes to everything and a lot of people including my own family took advantage of me....when it will be my moment to say my opinion or do my own will, I will get cold shoulder and negativity....so yeh it's true saying no and being confident to say what you feel without being scared is a big challenge.

I hate it when people say "you've changed" like it's a bad thing. It's called GROWTH, and growth is good! I've seen so much growth in your videos over the years! No, you're not the same person that you used to be; you're even better. You're really learning from life and coming into your own, and it's exciting in my opinion. So, go ahead and keep growing! xoxo

I honestly used to be the kind of girl who said 'yes' to anything and anyone. But just like you said Patricia , it is IMPOSSIBLE to please everyone. In the end all it does is wipe away your happiness and prevent from focusing on yourself. Being assertive comes easily when you realize that it's important to think about you and your desires sometimes.

Patricia Bright your videos are fantastic been watching for 4ish years I even remember your older channel that you had. its a pleasure to see you grow as a more mature person.

Wow I didn't know how much this related to me?! My life was coming to a point where I didn't care how I felt just as long as I pleased people and in the end they were just using me. Putting my foot down and living for me is now a goal for 2015 ! Thanks Patricia 💞

I am quite assertive. I'd easily say yes or no. Ok truth is I learnt to say "No" cos my fiance taught me to. He simply said "I do not have to do things if I don't want to and I should consider my own happiness first and that of my loved ones". So I say no and I don't explain myself if I do not want to. But my issue is with telling people when they are being douche bags. For some reason, I still treat them nicely when I should be ignoring their existence really. lol. Nice video Patricia

Great advise, Patricia!! It's never a good practice to abandon ourselves. We should be true to ourselves first. That is how we give the best of ourselves to others.

I am assertive and learned to say 'no' simply because of the dread that would follow me agreeing to something that I truly did not want to do. Rather than responding immediately and requesting more time for consideration seems to be the best response for both parties. I really look forward to your future Tuesday tid bits. On another note, I discovered your channel about 6 months ago and see massive personal growth on your part. I ❤️ it and ❤️ your channel. Hugs‼️🙅💋

I think what you said about being confident is the key to everything. When you're sure of yourself and your choices, that's when you don't feel guilty about what others think if you , letting them down, etc. I am the biggest pushover, such a people pleaser. But I lack confidence and I let people walk all over me all the time! I want to be more assertive but I don't know how.

Please do not listen to those people, we evolve for heaven sakes. We grow older and wiser but the essence of who we are remains. The people who are saying that you've changed are the people who hope that you remain naive to the Bull Butter they've been serving you through out the years. My New Year wish is for you to be able to gift them with the phrase "You've changed darling; and its a wonderful thing!" Patricia I've watched your videos joyfully for years and have see your amazing evolution; yet you remained true to the essence of you! That is why I've remained loyally connected, you consistently bring a smile to my face. Congratulations on yet another on-point vid :)

I am quite assertive.. sometimes people just try to walk over you: they try, it's up to you to stop them..do you know what I do in this scenario? I say: " NO WAY" and put a BIG smile on my face...so they'll laugh about it, just to maintain that surface of politeness and fair conversation, but in my mind I'm like: " Yeah, buddy, NICE TRY AHAHAH maybe next time :DD"

Do a chat on how to handle bad friends, or break up with negative people around you. How to distance yourself from those who are annoying you

Yep thats me lol sometimes you need to be selfish and think of yourself first. Let your NO be NO! Great Video Patricia👍👍👍

Topic : still pursue your dreams even if multiple dreams regardless of what people say. I don't operate in linear fashion so I am working on at east 3 things at once but they all flow together. I always have people say just do one thing but my brain doesn't work like that. Sometimes I will just let people speak and carry on as I was before they spoke......

I've always had some trouble with my being compliant. Definitely it's something I appreciate of myself but during the last period of my life, growing up, getting "older" (such big word, I'm 25!) I've learned It is not always a merit. Sadly, saying "YES" it's a bad habit for people who are not well-intentioned as we are. If you know what I mean, saying "YES" causes addiction to this kind of people, that quite immediately start to "taking advantages" or "profits" on our shoulders. So, I've learned to say "NO!!!" to this awful people. Now they're asking me why. And my answer is just a shrug and "Cause I've no more time" It's not an excuse, it's a beautiful truth, 'cause I've no more time to spend for bad people.

i always used to be that person that could not say no!!!!!! but i learned the hard way! the first step i took was to start saying no for everything!!!!! when i say everything, i mean everything.... whenever i said yes, i would immediately change it to a NO! I always said "wait a min, i am sorry,i meant NO". this upset people a lot, but i realized i was doing it for myself. saying NO is my right! I have the right to say NO if i choose. Dont try to persuade me either because then you will not hear a YES or a NO, you will hear the sound of my footsteps and that is me walking away from you...... but the good thing is that i have balanced it out nowwww......... its hard at first. but it gets better later.

I'm learning that part of it is about really knowing who you are. Know your boundaries and limits. "I am really not comfortable with that" "I've got much on my plate now, I cannot properly take on something else"

I really enjoy this kind of videos, you explain yourself beautifully. I'm a spanish girl who is learning English and your videos are so easy to understand and funny that i love them! :)

I bought the assertiveness workbook on Amazon. It has practical exercises and gives tips. Also many healthcare providers offer assertiveness classes as part of their mental health departments. My tips for being assertive are: be direct, 2. Don't use the word you, use I statements, keep messages short and remember you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. Next time asks you to work when you don't want to say politely, "I would like to have Christmas eve off." If they continue to press, keep repeating your self or say I worked last Xmas eve. That is all you have to say.

You always know exactly what things to talk about Patricia!! I so needed these tips, thank you!

I really needed this Patricia bc i find myself telling a lie as to why i can't do something or go somewhere. I want to watch wat i say and b more truthful from now on. Thank you again bc i thought it was just me.

Oh good Patricia, you won't believe how many times I wished someone could talk about how to refuse people and how glad I am to have found your video. Just a couple months ago someone approached me on the street asking for donation and I can't believe I just went sure sure and pulled out my credit card for her even after I found out it goes monthly! Yeah I know... I'm also the kind who tend to go yes, yes sure and hate myself for it afterwards. The point on giving yourself time is very important because I find that sometimes it's not about the answer to a favour, it's the fact that I'm getting this person's full attention and this kind of freaks me out and as a result I just say yes without thinking

Yes! I agree with 'Now Natural Me' on the topic of moving on from things you've done that you regret!

I have no problem saying no, I just watched this video because I love you, your opinions and your personality! :-)

literally all of ur videos come at the most convenient times foe me! ive been unable to say no to so many things lately, thanks so much!

Omg were is my husband , My husband always gives in but when it comes to me it depends lol He likes to please people too much at work and he does get tired sometimes especially being a supervisor. Thanks so much for this video I can't wait to share with him.

Patricia..i LOVE YOU! This is something that I've been dealing with for most of my life like ever since Primary school. I'm just too polite, like stupid polite at times and I always get taken for a ride! So I'm really grateful- I'm definitely going to use this advice. keep doing what you do, you will do greater things. xxx

This was so helpful, I'm always saying yes and the pressures of saying yes & agreeing to things can become a little overwhelming at times. Thanks for the advice X

Patricia I can't even explain how much I love these kind of videos!

Thank you for this video. I feel like sometimes I also cannot disagree with people because I'm kind of a people pleaser... I noticed that when I started to do things that I really wanted, I was much happier. People who are confident in themselves and their decisions make me want to be like that too.

totally agree on this topic.. looking forward to those talking videos in the new year!

If i grow up to become a woman like you very strong minded and everything you say is just literally on point i would be proud👍😊

Lol Patricia you are hilarious! I love your enthusiasm and energy.

I am one of those super polite people, and half the time I really don't want to do things, but I don't want to end up making people mad :( Now that I've watched your video Patricia, its helping me see that I have that ability to say no so I'm going to try little baby steps so I can really express how I feel. Thanks Patricia! :)

Could you make a vid about social anxiety. I really want to be social, but like every time I go out to meet friends or new people i'm like "I wanna go home, I can't do this, noooo" haha, pls help. I live home alone and I feel safe there, its feels like when I go out the door, I go in to a war zone. I think a lot of other people need like a mood booster to get up and out the door to be more social. So make a vid that I can watch every time I go out the door!

I really appreciate your words of wisdom Patricia! Super helpful. Thank you! x

Just when today I told my manager I wasn't gonna do overtime and I just said a straight no. I say yes usually but I sometimes think you have to be straight so you make them understand that there isn't no way to discuss any further. Like in this case my sister is coming over from Italy for Christmas and I want to spend sometime with her.

My suggestion, and this is pretty cliche and also way easier said than done, but..., love, nurture, and honor yourself. Whether it's just not overloading your schedule, or not allowing others to mistreat you. Like Patricia said (paraphrasing here), your life, your body, your mind, your spirit are all yours and yours alone. And also like she said, if you have to take some time to assess how you really feel about the situation, take some time to respond and in that time really consider you. It is ultimately your responsibility to take care of you and protect yourself. You have to cherish you and truly believe that how you feel and what you need is valuable. And the only and most important person you need to be valuable to is you, but you have to really believe it. And if someone has a problem with you honoring yourself, that has more to do with them than it does with you and you ain't got time for that! (Nobody does!) ;) So don't fret! Believe that saying no doesn't mean you're incompetent. Really believe that saying no doesn't make you a mean selfish person. There's nothin wrong with being everything for yourself before you are everything for someone else (that way you can give 100% of you when the time is right). Having a mentor, therapist, counselor, or spiritual guidance, someone you can speak to regularly can help with this too if you're really having trouble. Now... this is a pep talk for me too. I'm a recovering "yes" addict. It's been confusing and scary and awkward and slightly diminishing at times because people WILL give you side eye (or worse) in the beginning, but I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Less stress, more health, more focus, more joy! Good luck out there guys! Sorry this was so long. Hope it helps!

Patricia, thank you so much for making videos like this! The topics you talk about somehow always apply to me. And THANK YOU for always making me smile. Have a great day xx

So....yeah I needed to see this video. I'm quick to give & have a big heart but sometimes I do need time to myself & don't allow myself that wanting to help any and everyone. Thanks Patricia! 😘

Honestly, this video couldn't have come at a better time! Thank you Patricia, I'm deffo going to take on-board these tips! x

Omg!! This is sooo helpful!! Im 17 and Im always sayin yes to everyone and workin towards their needs, stuggling to say no.

I have always been like you are Pat. Lately, I have improved on that "saying no" aspect. What helped me I think that was exposing myself to new environments such as moving to a different place, or having new friends (by the way, I made those big changes for other reasons hahah). By doing this I found on my way people with very different opinions to mine and also them asking me for things that were out of my mind. So I could just get out from my mouth a NO hahaha from there I learnt that there was nothing wrong with it. That made me seem like I was a person that can take her own decissions and that has her own principles. So from there I also learnt how to say no (in a polite way) to other not-so-obvious things.

One of my faves from you Patricia! Couldn't have come at a better time

I love this video so much, people get really sensitive when it comes to that word "no." One time I went to my friends house after we went out shopping, the time flown by so fast it was dinner time. So, my dad rang me saying "Sophie dinner is ready, where are you? Do you want me to pick you up?" My dad picked me up as he said and after dinner I spontaneously came out with "I'm sleeping over nicoles house tonight" then packed my bags e.t.c. Arrived at her house, it was 1am in the morning and couldnt get to sleep. Knew straight away it wasnt a best idea because I had a panic attack. However, the word "yes" cell (LOL) always continuously goes through my brain.

Awesome gorgeous Patricia! I used to be that "yes" girl, but I learned a very long time ago that "no" is a beautiful word... Lol Great Video

Patricia, I know where you're coming from I feel like I used to be saying yes a bit too easy at work when really my head was telling me not to agree to things that had been thrown at me at the last minute. I think people can sense if you're a 'walk over' or a 'people pleaser' and now I really don't have any shame in saying NO, I even make it light hearted but still assertive,works so far lol.

That's totally true. Saying YES when you are not really gonna keep on your pomises is absolutely wrong, as well as harmful for both you and the person you are going to let down. It might seem weird but the more assertive we are about things in life, the more we can go on smoothly and with no setbacks. Indecisive people live worse, even a teeny-tiny problem weighs twice as much for them!

Great advice, I always look forward to these kinds of videos from you because you really give some helpful tips.

" A no might make them angry, but it will make you free! and your freedom is the most important"-I love this quote!

Thanks Patricia , really needed to hear this !

Love this video. I have really been working on this over the last few months and it feels so good to be thinking of my own feelings rather than being a people pleaser. I'm a new subscriber, really loving your channel. Merry Christmas xx

I used to have this problem big time. Then I opened my business and had to learn how to say NO real quick. Very true though...

I love how positive you are and fun! You could do a video on staying happy/positive and how to just live a better life :)

Thanks for this video patricia! I always enjoy your videos. A psychologist once asked me .. Is it difficult to say no, or is it just easy to say yes?.. That really got me thinking.

Another thing I've found when I reluctantly say yes, just not to bother the other person, is that it builds some resentment towards the person and their demands. Also, I've sometimes said yes because I thought it would maintain the friendship. Then, I end up feeling unappreciated. Thanks for your vid Patricia. Honesty is the best policy!

I appreciate this video so much. Thank you, Patricia xx

I wish i had seen this video a few days ago bc i recently found myself in a situation where I wish i had been more assertive. I'm a pretty shy person and I typically ending up saying yes to a lot of things because I'm afraid of displeasing other people . Then later on ill have regrets about it. Listening to Patricia has helped me feel more confident about asserting myself. I also plan on using her suggestions. Thanks. :)

Always excited for your videos! love them heaps. thank you xx

Her last point was the most important, you are entitled to say no. You cannot live your life trying to please other people. Try this, when someone presents something that you don't want to do have a 'buffer moment', you look up to the left, squint your right eye and say "errrrrrrr" so that you are actually processing what it is they want you to do and why you don't want to do it and it looks like you're genuinely thinking about it. Sometimes if you come straight out with a no it can come off harsh and a let me think about can produce false hope.

this came at the PERFECT time exactly what i needed. Thankyou so much love your videos!!

nice video patricia! I learned how to be assertive and now i say no when i know my mind is on other things without feelling bad about it! I guess one of the main thing is to surround yourself with constructive people who are also very grounded.. that way you know you have to be dependable or say no when you know you can't and knowing the other person` wont hold some type of grudge and be mature enough to understand.

Great advice, really Needed that! Video suggestion: dealing with friendships you dont Feel comfortable in(, not because of negative things like being treated badly but just when you realise that you've grown apart) but keep keep being Inside because of the long time spent together. You're the best. Greetings from Germany!

Good topic. I relate to the polite struggle.

Great Vid Pat! Xx

thanks Patricia your wonderful videos! Merry Christmas

Oh Patricia, your videos make my dayssss! Blessings xo

On time and on point. Thanks girl!

I really need to learn how to say no. Thanks for the lesson I have tired to say no to people but, it is so true what you said. Because a person is so accustom to saying yes and everyone else knows that you will always say yes that when you do say no it is like no one hears you.

I love you! You and Mike are just so fab gurlllll! Thanks for being you

loved the video as usual! I can never say no to people I feel like I've let the other person down if I have to say no

Thanks! I know what your talking about. It's a matter of practicing say NO more often than not. I can really overload myself with other peoples stuff and before you know it, I'm drowning and they are waiting on you with their free time. Then to say NO to the same people about something else, they are angry with you. I realize in most instances, it best to say NO to most people cos they can become depended on you and your not helping them OR yourself in the long run.

Love your chatty videos and your desk looks really nice in the background, where is it from? ♥♥♥

I started saying no this year, it was very uncomfortable at first because I felt like people will not like me. Therefore, I count to 3 and I say it before I start to over think the decision that I made. Another thing to keep in mind is that sometimes you would feel like you should give up or to give saying no a break, but you shouldn't. Keep being honest with yourself! At first it will be hard but it will get easier.

Hey Patricia! Can you please make a video on how to deal with toxic friends and family? Love your videos!

Thanks for the advice. Right on time for me.

so very timely for me. God bless you!

Great video Pat. I, on the other hand, do not have a problem saying no. I'll say "I'm not sure I want to do that" or "umm, I dont think so" (with a funny face). Also, People take advantage of you sometimes when you're a "yes" person. Stand your ground and be assertive. They'll respect you more and maybe even admire you.

Love this !! No is important

Yay a talky video :) aww the turtleneck is cute on you x

i've recently being saying NO a lot because i realise i need to prioritise in life! i still worry about offending people but i think it's important to DO YOU!

Thank you for this! I am in the process of renewing my contract at work, and I feel like saying NO is so hard. I am stuck between wanting to be polite and getting what I want! URGHH it is so frustrating. I dont want to upset my boss or HR with my requests, so when they offer me something Im like YES, when in reality its not what I need.

I love watching your videos!! We are so much alike! You give me life Chile lol!!

Thanks Pat, I always have a hard time in saying no. I'm going to take your advice and use it. Merry Christmas to you and Mike;)

Nice video and great topic. When I say no,I don't get asked again. It's good in some ways but when u are dealing with small minded folks in the workplace ,you can miss out on great opportunities.

Personally I say yes, all the time. It comes from a few different things. Like being raised that way, not wanting to disappoint others, not wanting to be rude ( my boyfriend says that's the Minnesotan in me), and not wanting to seem lazy. It's something I've been working on for the past couple of years. It's kind of getting better, but not really.

i love these type of videos. May you do a video on how to resign from your job when you are a "go to" person at your job but you desire to change your career path and are afraid of disappointing those you work for and around. Watching this video gave a little gateway but would love to hear your view and opinion on this type of situation.