How to Set Boundaries & Stop People Pleasing

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Learn to set boundaries, stop people pleasing, and have healthier relationships with others and yourself 💞This video was so fun to make. If you liked it, please share! Open for timestamps 👇
❍ what are boundaries? - 0:40
❍ how we're abandoning ourselves - 1:36
❍ how to set boundaries - 2:30
❍ self awareness - 2:35
❍ communicate your desires/needs - 3:14
❍ how to communicate - 4:05
❍ you are not responsible for others' feelings - 5:05
❍ stop trying to force harmony - 6:12
❍ how to say no - 6:48
❍ self love - 7:51
❍ a healthier process for relationships & building trust - 8:52
// links
→ The Lavendaire Lifestyle Podcast: Boundaries w/ Nancy Levin | lavendaire.com/...
→ Authenticity: PSA for people pleasers | bit.ly/301Ldw0
→ How to stop caring about what others think of you | bit.ly/2ZQzWeX
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// ABOUT
I’m Aileen, a lifestyle blogger sharing knowledge and inspiration on creating your dream life.
Lavendaire is my blog about personal growth + lifestyle design. Follow along and learn how you can create a life you love.
Subscribe to Lavendaire to get inspired by new videos weekly! bit.ly/sublaven...
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Disclaimer: This is NOT a sponsored video. All opinions expressed are wholly my own.

Опубликовано:

26 сен 2024

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Комментарии : 1,6 тыс.

@lavendaire 9 месяцев назад

✨ Plan your most intentional & successful year with the 2024 Artist of Life Workbook, a powerful guided journal for achieving your dream life → lavendaire.com/workbook

@ErikaK 4 года назад

*Saying NO is saying YES to yourself ♡ saying NO is healthy, is respecting yourself and putting your best interests first. You are not being selfish or rude, you are loving yourself!!!!*

@honk8683 4 года назад

Erika you honestly made up a quote! 𝚃𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚔 🙏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 😇

@ErikaK 4 года назад

@@honk8683 aaaw I'm sending you lots of love Mannat!!!! 🤩❤

@ShanqKoo 4 года назад

Sometimes we have to take care of ourselves first before we can take care of others!

@ErikaK 4 года назад

@@ShanqKoo yes, absolutely !!! ❤💕 much love

@bhagyashrigundecha3866 4 года назад

Thank you erika ❤

@Jade-wb6fd 4 года назад

Every time I’ve set boundaries with a “friend” I lost a “friend” but looking back they weren’t real friends anyways

@aysu9356 3 года назад

I want to do that so bad but I can't 😔 Even if I'm not gonna lose them, the idea that they'll change their thinking about me freaks me out. So jealous of you!

@Jade-wb6fd 3 года назад

@@aysu9356 I still think like that to some extent because I’m still a people pleaser (even though I’m trying hard to unlearn the fawn response). But there’s only so much I can take before I’m at my breaking point. When I tried to set boundaries I think it was too late into the friendship. So they were probably thinking, “Who is this new person who all of a sudden has boundaries? You’re not my doormat anymore??” And then they left because they realized they couldn’t use me anymore. But now I’m working on setting boundaries at the beginning of friendships so I don’t end up getting close to toxic people

@takemypainaway9517 3 года назад

@@Jade-wb6fd omg exactly!! The part where you said “who is this new person that has boundaries now? They’re not my doormat anymore??” I felt this so much!! I remember finally sticking up for myself from my “friend” and she actually got angry. Lol. It’s funny now but when it happened I didn’t feel good. It was like a joke to her. She was thinking like “who does she think she is?!?” Because she wasn’t used to it. That wasn’t my personality or character. But over time I had to learn. I learned the hard way but I still learned. Sometimes it’s tough but I’m MUCH better than I was in the past few years.

@Jade-wb6fd 3 года назад

@@takemypainaway9517 Yeah my “friend” got angry too when I finally stood up for myself. Yeah that’s exactly why she was angry because she wasn’t used to me standing up for myself. At the time I didn’t understand why she was so angry at me as if I was the one that did something wrong. But now I understand that it was because she knew she couldn’t get her way with me anymore. I had to learn the hard way too but I think I needed to at the time. Yeah it is tough but that’s great that you’re feeling much better now! I’m happy for you!

@artdaze 3 года назад

Yeah I've actually discovered that I've always had one sided relationships with my friends and I'm constantly giving to other people but I don't recieve anything back and tha led me to feel extremely burned out and fatigued. Any advice on how to let go and set boundaries?

@kandaceboo 4 года назад

Everyone repeat after me: boundaries protect relationships BOUNDARIES. PROTECT. RELATIONSHIPS.

@svetlananana9609 4 года назад

Boundaries protect relationships!

@talliedolls12 4 года назад

Boundries protect relationships!

@anitamorin6255 4 года назад

Boundaries Protect Relationships!!!

@ishikab 4 года назад

Boundaries protect relationships and brings respect.❤️

@ashwiniajari9199 4 года назад

True... very true 🙏

@ZenEscape. 3 года назад

I'm an empath, and it feels overwhelming to set boundaries. I am so used to prioritizing others, but it depletes my energy. I'm working to be more assertive, because it is self-care to have healthy boundaries.

@jowyschwarz313 3 года назад

So you know right if that very exhausting?

@jowyschwarz313 3 года назад

I'm serious you must stop or later you will destroy yourself. Your mental health

@sydneyreid7401 2 года назад

Right

@juliankastner301 2 года назад

Keep on sharing!! They should teach that in schools, and churches!!

@zaygroovie3311 2 года назад

There’s inner boundaries and Outter Boundaries if you exude confidence as Empath Narcissistic people stay nah try to come out you sideways but they’ll think twice to cross you because when your in your power and empowerment as an Empath it’s truly admirable, either people wil love you or hate you

@MotiveVideoBook 4 года назад

“Say no with grace and gratitude” This advice was really awesome.

@miriamhavard7621 3 года назад

Or just say no. Either is good. 🤷😁

@sanji546 3 года назад

Correct

@thewatershopkeeper 2 года назад

Yuppppp

@remi_brancs 3 года назад

Living in an African household, every time I say no, my parents and sister would always say I’m being rude or disrespectful. Currently unlearning this

@wheatstonebridge 2 года назад

I'm not sure what that's like as I'm more from an individualized culture

@labonetia4399 2 года назад

I'm from an Asian household and my family would shame me for setting my boundaries and joke around abt it. Been trying to communicate with them for awhile but it always ends the same regardless. I feel your pain

@seblewengelgeleta8030 2 года назад

Same here dear

@alextroy9202 2 года назад

yess

@coltenkelso5764 2 года назад

That's the problem with society. We are "trained" and brainwashed into thinking we have to be nice and make others happy instead of ourselves. Most of our parents tell us it is not acceptable to say no or argue and to just agree with everything. When really the other person just cares about their needs and not yours. That's where boundaries come in.

@VannaMae 4 года назад

This should be taught in school honestly.

@QuestforBeauty 4 года назад

I know right? Our lives would be much easier if we had learned this on a very early age.

@AquamarineDolls 4 года назад

I agree.

@littleone3357 3 года назад

Can't do that with different views and stuff; for example, if I have Faith in God, I can't talk about it at work, because of non-believers and because of their views I can't talk about it because it is considered a "conflict starter" and even in schools... also you are forced to just not voice your opinions because of different people's views. That's everywhere; so it's hard not to be a people pleaser when you can get kicked out of school for it possibly.

@Rose-id9sj 3 года назад

@@littleone3357 how is talking bout god a conflict starter why would people think that

@empathematics8928 2 года назад

school itself is the problem. it teaches us to deny how we are feeling and just sit in class and listen to the teacher.

@sopheakem8283 3 года назад

I'm not responsible for other people's feelings. I also learn to not let other people's problem become my problem. I love this video!

@osse1n 4 года назад

Boundaries is not about being rude, it's about acknowledging that your wellbeing comes first in your priority list. When you feel good, everything around you will be affected in a positive way.

@lavendaire 4 года назад

so true 🙏🏼

@sydneyreid7401 2 года назад

Amen so true

@SixStringsCovers 2 года назад

You're right, except narcisists will envy you more and attack you. I don't know about you guys, but I sometimes have to "hide" my true self and happiness to not affect negative people around me and "trick" them I am at the same level. I have to learn more how to stop feeling guilty about myself being self-confident and feeling good in my own shoes and don't care about other people who didn't work on themselves more efficiently.

@issavibez394 2 года назад

Most folks who always take have garbage priorities most just take and run

@xarchanx Год назад

Thanks. It's not easy to unlearn the guilt I feel when I don't people please

@rebeccawells1580 Год назад

People wonder why I am SO big on setting boundaries. You know why? Because past experiences with being a push over and being abused has made me realize that boundaries ARE important. I was tired of being pushed around. I was tired of abuse. Ever since I have laid out boundaries, everything has been bliss for me.

@minfires7572 Год назад

Whenever i try to set a boundary the other person either acts like i'm joking and doesn't take me seriously or they don't respect it at all... How can i be better at setting boundries?

@sunside7 Год назад

@Minfires I would say keep insisting on the boundaries to make it clear that you are actually serious. That's happened to ne as well because I haven't been setting consistent boundaries before. Just keep at it! Wish you the best 😊

@Cuuhleerity Год назад

@@minfires7572 Well, if those people don't respect that and took it as a joke, maybe it's time for you to leave those people. They are toxic to your growth. And that's how you set boundary.

@nicolajirving 11 месяцев назад

How?

@kajalswarup6664 4 года назад

"You're trying to shield everyone else from pain when you are the one hurting".....🙌❤

@jaylaw.7660 2 года назад

💯💯💯💯

@lauralovesquinsy 2 года назад

Had to pause the video for a second to let that one sink in!

@jasonmichalski6048 2 года назад

How does the other person know your pain? Your pain is no concern to anyone but you and you need to protect your enegry from being redirected in a negative way

@Kaorinote 4 года назад

Growing up in Japan, pleasing people is something that determines if you are grown-up or not. And it took so much time for me to realize that pleasing people is not what I wanted in my life. Thank you so much for such a inspiring video 😍😍😍

@emiuchiyama9047 2 года назад

I know right!

@daringliving 4 года назад

Boundaries are so important! Instead of thinking saying "no" is mean and selfish, we can think that if we agree to something we don't want to do - we're actually being "fake" and trying to trick others into liking us. And THAT is selfish.

@shukosworld5754 3 года назад

Woow I love this

@loveeleven4503 3 года назад

Yes! Helpful

@loveme1641 3 года назад

“It is okay to say no without any reason”. This quote really resonated with me because a few weeks ago, I backed out of doing something solely for the reasons of I was tired and didn’t feel like doing it in that moment. Afterwards, I felt so lazy and guilty because I didn’t have a “good enough” reason. This line helped me see that I did have a good enough reason, so thank you. ❤️

@Captain_MonsterFart 2 года назад

Except, how do you actually conduct the conversation? It rarely is as simples as saying 'no thank you" and then they say , "ok, no problem "and that is that.

@SaintOrCinema 4 года назад

Just a slight caveat about the “other people’s feelings are not your responsibility”. I think some very blunt people do use this as an excuse to say things that they want to get off their chest though they know they’re hurtful and tactless. I think the key and compassionate balance is to speak honestly, but with the intention of being kind and considerate of people’s feelings. That way, if someone does react badly it was not your intention, but you don’t have to feel guilty. I just think we actually do have SOME responsibility to be careful with the feelings of others; but our greatest responsibility is to ourself - you’re right 🌸 It’s just I’ve heard this reasoning misused before!! X

@sachipawooskar-almeida1 4 года назад

tru

@wowso4 3 года назад

Yes I agree, I Don’t want to hurt anyone intentionally so I want to learn to express my boundaries in a healthy and safe way. And also kind way so to not hurt the other person.

@cyndigooch1162 3 года назад

SaintOrCinema That's exactly right and I want to add that it's necessary to be extremely rude and even to hurt people sometimes though. I've had traumatic experiences with some who got very angry when I wouldn't do what they wanted, so certain individuals won't accept boundaries, no matter how respectfully it's conveyed. As you'd know, it's a sign to stay away from those types of people, yet it's not always possible, especially in regard to family members. ❤

@laetitiasiahaan9720 2 года назад

@@cyndigooch1162 yess.. the old adage of THEY ARE YOUR FAMILY.. for the last couple of years, I've been trying to implementing my boundaries towards few family members n i got this pushback.

@minfires7572 Год назад

@@cyndigooch1162 what i'm currently dealing with :( My younger sisters don't respect my boundaries at all. They're either immature or selfish and I'm so exaushted from always expressing my feelings and then them saying I'm just being sensitve. It's so hard to distance myself from them because i live with them and I will always have to deal with them because they're my family

@AM-xe4iq Год назад

An aspect of this that wasn’t mentioned is that, your circle is going to start getting smaller when you start setting and enforcing real boundaries. People will start dropping out of your life and that’s going to feel bad at first. It’s going to get a little lonely. People that don’t respect boundaries might just stop being so present with you. So be prepared for that. People will guilt trip you, insult you, attack your personhood etc. when they hear the word “No” and they may just disappear. Look at it as a chance to open up your life and your world into the direction you want to go in and free up space for healthier relationships.

@kathrynkjulian 4 года назад

I feel like this was speaking directly to me. I grew up with a mentally unhealthy parent which made me always feel responsible for other people’s feelings and that if they were unhappy it was because of me. Boundaries are a new thing I’m working on but I’ve realized just how much of myself I’ve let go or not allowed to grow because I was using my energy on others. Thank you for this message!

@jowyschwarz313 3 года назад

How are u right now? Did u find the tool? Because this is very relatable to me

@imenechernai1935 3 года назад

How did u fix that is there books for slefgrowth and health in dealing from this since ages and I have to work on it or else I'm gona explode

@ShayLamere 3 года назад

Same boat! Any tips on how you’ve worked on this, this past year?

@jaylaw.7660 2 года назад

💯💯💯 hope you’re doing better, Kathryn!

@Miss-Curious128 2 года назад

How r u now Kathryn?

@SohamBasak1996 2 года назад

I am the one who is always trying to find the balance of giving time to each of my friends and specially when they are not in good terms with each other and I am just doing stuff to make everyone happy and come together and it's so exhausting. I am so so so done!!

@magickaldust1213 4 года назад

I am fairly "selfish" in that I know my own boundaries well, and over the years I have become very willing to say no, HOWEVER, being a highly empathetic person, I definitely needed the note about "you are not responsible for other peoples feelings". I AM acting the people around me cannot handle their own emotions and "harmony at all costs" generally comes with me holding my tongue, so thank you 💖

@bettikaro4787 2 года назад

"You are trying to shield everybody else from pain, when you are the one hurting." I felt that one very hard and i look forward to watch your advice video for people pleasers right after i finished this one. And later on i will write those points into my notebook. I have to remember it all and reread and rewatch this too

@ChristaBello 4 года назад

When we feel secured in ourselves, then the acceptance of people of us, won’t matter. Friends, you’re enough❤️

@DrBiohack 4 года назад

Absolutely, you speak so much wisdom and I love your channel Christa💕

@ChristaBello 4 года назад

Elizabeth Lucy Such an amazing human being you’re. Lots of love💕

@QuestforBeauty 4 года назад

It's so true right?

@thrivewithnitya 3 года назад

I agree with this. When we are secure and have self-love, we don't need validation or acceptance from others. But, I can tell you from my own experience that this is not easy especially if you have had a very toxic childhood or complete toxic life. I undervalued myself my whole life but this year, I understood the importance of setting up personal boundaries. You can check my RU-vid channel- *Revamp Mind* where I post videos on self-help, career, and other interesting topics, or check on the link to watch my video on setting up personal boundries- *ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-6ZK9ELqM6u0.html*

@lamonicahayes8766 Год назад

Love this thank you! Currently learning boundaries and self love.

@kharyzma4u 11 месяцев назад

This is the video right here. I have been overcoming being a people pleaser over the last year and have made so many breakthroughs and discoveries. Saying no was so difficult for me because I was afraid of making others angry. OMG! It feels so much better to take care of myself, communicate my needs and honor what's best for me. Thank you 💞

@khatelynlim 4 года назад

Her acting skill yay 🤣💗 sooo cuteee

@aubrianatugano418 4 года назад

She's so adorable UwU 💕

@priscillajimenez27 4 года назад

Mask girl needs to be a reoccurring character

@phobianxietya2185 2 года назад

something worth mentioning(even tho is "obvious") is - learning to walk away when someone does not respect our boundries. people pleasers might be able to learn how to say no(i did),but the next step is leaving when someone crosses our bondries once/twice and thats it.

@BreakconValen 4 года назад

So much needed! Honestly, I know I have this need of pleasing people, but it's still so hard for me to deal with that. At least good to know I'm not alone in this :)

@coltenkelso5764 2 года назад

It's because growing up we are taught that it is unacceptable to express our needs and wants. If you said no or argued or expressed your opinions you were punished. Making it seem like it's bad for you to put yourself before others.

@lavendaire 4 года назад

Name that girl in the yellow 😂 also, do you guys like more info in the description like this? do you even open the description box usually?

@Princessgia 4 года назад

I do because sometimes there's some interesting and well worth info there! Smiled so hard at the stalker outside the window because that's how I am in my head....sometimes 😂😅

@emilya6454 4 года назад

I like it!♥️

@jessinthemundane 4 года назад

Shes your arch nemesis 🤣

@raesthetic257 4 года назад

I love having the detailed timestamps and descriptions, sometimes I like to take notes on your videos and having the “subjects” listed helps ☺️

@gemmag1099 4 года назад

I like the level of detail you give in the description box.

@charleyyap9123 Год назад

Thank you for pointing this out. I'm glad to find your video. I'm 30 years old, and I realized that I have been a people pleaser all my life because I do not want to disappoint my family, my co-workers, etc. Now, I want to focus on self-love and taking care of myself since I have deprive myself of such for a long time.

@athirarajanpillai 4 года назад

"Always do the best for yourself.. Everyone else are doing the best for themselves." This is so true.. I just realised it now. Thank you Aileen for this video.. you always post videos on right time.

@healthwealthharmony4113 3 года назад

"...managing the perception of others and taking more responsibility than is actually ours. So we've been abandoning ourself to make sure other people are okay" WOW. That's so very true!!! It's so important to know how/when to prioritize your self love and that it's OKAY to put yourself first. You deserve it!!! So so soooo important 👏👏👏

@bhavnas1696 4 года назад

🙋‍♀️ Wasted time and energy on it and now learning to say "no", Learning to put myself my first priority 💕💕

@archanam652 3 года назад

saying NO to those who spread their toxic energy spoiling our peace is always the best thing to do for your own goodness.... Thank you so much very very good message..Aileen❤👍

@rishibenwalling1224 4 года назад

Is it just me or do you guys also think she glows up more in each video? 🤯♥️

@lavendaire 4 года назад

The November Soul aww ty, working on a continuous glow up ✨✨

@ariadnafriski_ 3 года назад

For me no

@weirdkidcoqui8299 Год назад

So helpful! I have a very hard time with saying the scary word," NO". This taught me that it is okay to say no and it is safe to say it without giving reason to it.

@Thefitty 4 года назад

*Need to do this with certain friends, family, and bosses.* 🔥

@InnerResearcher 4 года назад

yesss!

@kaylea573 4 года назад

Same this was super helpful!

@Thefitty 4 года назад

@@kaylea573 I'm glad you can agree! Let's set those boundaries now.

@Thefitty 4 года назад

@@InnerResearcher we can start today!

@kellsliving3220 4 года назад

same i need to say no to everyone and not allow the world too take advantage,!!!”. of me i want the world to no i’m a amazing 😉 adult with a disability but that don’t stop me i will keep on going. in i will not ever allow people to step all over me i have to set boundaries with everyone

@JakeandRose-d1z 11 месяцев назад

this is my biggest problem... to the point theres nothing left to my self... that I learned in a hard way that I should learn to take care first myself before anyone else ...

@mariaziarnik6909 4 года назад

This is an excellent video! I have placed solid boundaries with toxic family members and they don’t understand and say negative things. Now I don’t get upset I just move on and do the best I can for those around me

@rachaelharper3778 Год назад

‘Everyone is doing what’s best for them If your doing what is best for everyone else, no one is going to look after you’ well said ❤❤❤

@inhabitantofearth 4 года назад

I so needed to hear this. I'm always so afraid to hurt other people's feelings because in the past I have unintentionally. And sometimes people retaliate, or i'm afraid they're going to abandon me. Or because people just can't accept/respect no as an answer so I have to explain myself because they're asking why.

@sakuraflares7054 2 года назад

took me so long to realize i was doing this, mostly bc the people in my life just straight up wouldnt let me believe it was what was going on because it wasnt convenient for them

@InnerResearcher 4 года назад

May we all set healthy boundaries and put our wellbeing first! ✨

@lipiemmacha Год назад

I was thinking about going to therapy again. This video is so helpful with wholesome tips and the pretty aesthetics have made me feel lighter for such an important topic. I really needed this. Bless you.

@iamanki_24 4 года назад

I sacrificed my inner peace and joy for others but now I am practicing to set boundaries..and I am feeling happy inside and outside..and thank you so much Aileen for helping me in this journey.

@newankh9thesoulseer625 4 года назад

So true, people are self-serving and seem more comfortable and inclined to be pleased with you when you're not asserting your own boundaries but their world ends and you are considered everything short of the devil himself when you do. They will fight tooth and nail to make you acknowledge their standards of doing things yet will blatantly disregard yours and will justify themselves at every turn

@gosiacal5533 4 года назад

I love Lavendaire. Her channel has helped me so much. She inspired me to start my own channel and I would apprieciate any support on it❤️Also, I think it’s the most deserved one million💕

@areskodvin 2 года назад

How can you say that everyone else is doing the best for themselves? No one knows that, plus, sometimes it is a good thing to do what is best for others as well, including yourself. So even though I agree with many things you say it is still important to think of others. A balance.

@Pumac0319 4 года назад

Great advice. I’m in my 30s and I’m still learning. This kind of subject matter was never brought up when I was younger. I’m glad we’re getting away from the mentality that women should put everyone before themselves. So important to put yourself first and not let others drag you down 🙂

@Maria00569 4 месяца назад

It took me a while to realize that people actually respect meaner people , I don’t have any “ real” friends at all so I thought with being kind I’d have more but no,being kind is considered either naive or fake .

@fleurdelacour5247 4 года назад

I really kove to watch every vids of her cause her lines are so deep and so easily understandable, it also helps me to improve my talking. She is a great motivational.💕 Her lines have so many inspirational quotes. "If you don't decide for yourself, other people will decide for you." "Stop trying to make everything okay cause things can't always go okay, you can't be okay with everything, people can't be okay with everybody, everything and you have to be okay with that." "Say no what doesn't serve you."

@whitelotus2516 3 года назад

Omg 🤣🤣🤣 I seriously needed the comic relief from her boundary pushing alter ego after being so angry about my boundary being violated. Seriously thanks 🙏💕😂

@shompurnagunjan 4 года назад

Finally Goddess reached 1 million. I love you girl.

@lavendaire 4 года назад

Indonesian, Spanish, Portuguese, Vietnamese & Chinese subtitles are available! Click "CC" and check the video settings. Thank you to the contributors listed in the description 💕

@FransceneJK98 Год назад

Having been raised by multiple narcissists and catering to them all my life, it feels so selfish to take care of me and to say No to them. They guilt trip me. When do you consider someone as actually being selfish when they say no? Is it when they have alternate motives? Please share. This is so new to me

@laurenletsche1134 Год назад

I'm a lone wolf now from seeing the damage caused by NOT setting boundaries. Now I have a group of people who are awesome. Out with the trash in with the new.

@toetovocaloid 4 года назад

🙋‍♀️ The callout is real. Thank you for everything Aileen!

@InnerResearcher 4 года назад

yesss!

@salma011 Год назад

Thank you that helped me to be aware of myself and start practicing to respect and love myself more by setting my boundaries .

@DrBiohack 4 года назад

💕Setting healthy boundaries is so key to your mental health💕

@Joshdifferent Год назад

💯💯💯

@sadcottonballdog 4 года назад

This was the exact video I needed, after realizing about me wanting to please people and not be who I was. I literally just texted with one of my closest friends about "Okay, I think it's time to set some boundaries..." Because I know exactly what I was doing, I just thought I was doing what was right for me. I took a reality check and turned out that I was just hurting myself and burying myself deeper into my shell. Thank you so much!! ♥

@wohha3766 2 года назад

Oh my god now I understand I’m trying to start saying no ofc people is not used to it from me but I so happy that I’m stopping pleasing others

@나다-o5f6z 4 года назад

I seriously don’t know how this happened but since the last week i have been having such of these problems, i have never needed this much , thank you girl keep going ♥️♥️✨

@HonestlyAnnaFun 2 года назад

I need this video... I have to face people too who try to guilt me for setting boundaries. Thank you!

@surakshasworld1310 4 года назад

You're such an inspiration to me.. You're an amazing.. This is also one of the inspiring contants Thankyou for your hard work for us.. You're role model to me who inspires me to create my own RU-vid channel thankyou so much.. Much much love💕

@adityarai3404 4 года назад

Yes she is an inspiration to me as well.. And also your contants are good.. Keep working. ❤️

@cheeryblossom878 4 года назад

I too me aileen's big fan but i go through your channel and you too is doing pretty well keep going.. Your new subscriber.. Much love and support ❣️😘😍

@surakshasworld1310 4 года назад

@@adityarai3404 thankyou so much keep supporting

@surakshasworld1310 4 года назад

@@cheeryblossom878 thankyou so much.. Well she is my rola model ♥️

@ruparai7361 4 года назад

She is doing really well but you too is doing well keep her as your Rola model.. you're also doing well.. you're new subscriber..lots of love.

@chchwoman9960 2 года назад

I certainly agree that many of us do need to learn to set boundaries BUT don't forget the joy of giving in your efforts to do so. It is still important to help others when you can, as long as this is not taken for granted. If you never do put yourself out for others, there will be no one to help you in your time of need, and sometimes it just feels good to help. I know the vid is wider than this, but still, you won't feel good about yourself if you never give either.

@cherry-xz6ei 4 года назад

Thank you for this video. The best thing I ever did was set healthy boundaries, I got a lot more respect and the people who got angry about with me for doing so left and my life became more peaceful. It was hard but I have better friends and relationships now. Sending love your way

@_gyujji Год назад

I’ve been having a hard time with a friend recently, and I didn’t know If i should express and communicate with her or not, but this video definitely gave me the answer. tysmmm!!

@MansiJain-xm9ob 4 года назад

I needed this so much.. I am having a hard time defining my relationship with a friend. She radiates happiness but some times she is all abt herself her problems nd sometimes even laughing over my problems. She might not be a good advisor but she's a great person to be with . Now I know how I can tell just tell her abt how I feel abt this and that sharing problems is okay but its uss not only you. Thank uh for this video!!

@daniellasavage1962 Год назад

People take advantage of your good heart and just want to take. Making you feel used, time to set healthy boundaries ❤

@joanjm3342 4 года назад

Aileen you've been putting up content on exactly things I've been dealing with these days. Thank you so much for all the great things you do and for affecting change in people's lives. All the love from India♥

@InnerResearcher 4 года назад

Yes, I feel the same way! Her content recently has been so spot on with what I've needed too!

@lavendaire 4 года назад

Yay I’m happy to hear that 🙏🏼

@ProfeTuti 29 дней назад

Great vid! I would like to learn more about what to do when ppl is not understanding and attack you when you set a healthy boundary in a respectful way😢

@raiderfrankdatank 4 года назад

Great video. I struggle with this as well, all my life. Its stressful. My life has gone and passed bcuz of this. Its too late for me. Hope the younger people can make changes

@jeremy4372 4 года назад

Still can, dude

@Teisharocz 10 месяцев назад

7:55 is a great short ❤❤❤

@baitbyoot9405 4 года назад

I liked this new atmosphere, funny and refreshing 😄

@fahimshahriarnihal285 Год назад

I am an Emphatic person. Thanx for most of the information about setting boundaries. It was quite helpful. My comment may not alter your thinking process but I should say this, not all yu said were correct. You are a human being. If yu start prioritising yourself only, you are called mean, selfish, insane person. We should know our value, yes and others as well. Being too afraid of hurting others may not be the right thing but that’s the call of yur human inside. Being honest, straightforward is great. Situations defines all. If I be straightforward person, I should say this, “You are the college cheerleader mean girl who has a face, thinks she deserves the best, a spoiled girl who is going to marry a high value man and will demand freedom of her own, do whatever she wants and eventually destroying her marriage or, marry a rich person do whatever she wants and after one point of time will get to know she is not she anymore.” Do not waste your time. The thinking process yu entirely have is toxic.

@ioanao.6028 4 года назад

Your hair style in this video is so beautiful, it frames your face so nice 💖!

@Vale-ej1fz 4 года назад

ioana o. Better than bangs

@MJay3060 2 года назад

“The only way a group can function is when everyone acts individually” I don’t remember who said that, but it’s quite relatable to what you said in regards to everyone being responsible for their emotion to work out.

@BecomingTia 4 года назад

Omg! Congrats on a million! I’ve been here since around 60k. The music is giving me Parasite vibes. I 👀 you.

@lavendaire 4 года назад

I just watched it before making this & didn’t realize! I liked it bc it sounds so sneaky and funny haha

@tranmatta2605 Год назад

I'm a language leaner, so i was really happy to find ur vid, it helped me a lot.

@joan_28 4 года назад

This was the most perfect timing ever!! Every single word you said was something that I felt and that I struggled with for years and I was just wondering how to finally get out of that thinking pattern as I saw your video! Thank you so much, your content helps me a lot!😘

@lekhachill7886 2 года назад

It's a blessing from God that I found your channel 🥰🥰🥰

@lillyb6260 4 года назад

This was so creative. Loved it! I needed to hear this.

@karmathephoenix2474 Год назад

Your message is so clear, concise and to the point. Great job!!

@Rivendel_va_y_viene 4 года назад

Lavendaire: raise your hand if... Me: *raises hand high* Lavendaire: now raise the other hand if... Me: *switches mug to raise the other hand before she finishes the sentence*

@priscillajimenez27 4 года назад

🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️

@zoemarie7247 2 года назад

The best video on RU-vid! I come back & rewatch every so often 😇

@MarielaMerino 4 года назад

Saying no to others is saying yes to yourself 😊 also love how you filmed this 🤗

@johngomes4278 9 месяцев назад

You are so right ,I'm not people pleasing ever again 🎉

@lavendaire 9 месяцев назад

wow! that's amazing ♡

@lavendaire Год назад

✨ Create your best year with the 2023 Artist of Life Workbook, a powerful guided journal for achieving your dream life → lavendaire.com/workbook

@deborahwolff5651 2 года назад

I had a friend who used me for errands. She didn't drive but lived a block down from the stores. I would sit in my car for at least 25 minutes and boy did I feel used. I finally told her to take care of her own errands for now on or get up earlier. She got mad so I dumped her. This is the sign of a toxic friend. I felt good I told her how I felt and dropped her.

@primrosew.3986 4 года назад

🙋 thanks a lot for this beautiful video ! I'll be more careful with that topic from now on! ☺️ I didn't make myself priority and I ended up being sad and overwhelmed all the time . Now I see what I did wrong

@taishoku14 Год назад

This is definitely good advice. As someone who only recently became aware that “people pleasing” was my own issue to deal with honestly, these are helpful affirmations. I agree that what you are describing is the healthy way forward for individuals. If I could just add an extra insight from personal experience: there are some exceptions regarding relationships with friends, spouses & children. One cannot simply say to a child, “thanks for asking me but I don’t feel like doing your request right now - but I do appreciate you asking me”. #personalboundaries However, I do wish I had seen your video 40 years ago :)

@bsurbaladevi8558 4 года назад

Omg! The intro😂 my gosh😂😂 keep doing the great work n spreading love girl!💙ily

@InnerResearcher 4 года назад

it was brilliant ahaha

@lavendaire 4 года назад

😂😂 TY for appreciating my new creative direction haha

@gracecandaza5934 Месяц назад

I love your smile. It made me think that you've reached a lot of milestones in stopping being a people pleaser and putting boundaries. I think you've already mastered that and being you, the kind you, shared this because it was effective for you. Thanks! ❤❤

@DuongNguyen-gz8zr 2 года назад

Actually people-pleasers are those who don't want to upset others in order to protect themselves from others' displeasure. That includes me. Too afraid to lose face. If we genuinely care about others we would want to be honest with ourselves and others while still being compassionate.

@Brenda-rm2wp Месяц назад

Thank you. Recently I have found myself turning into an angry, hurt confused person. I’m usually loving and calm. It’s due to frustration of not being able to speak up for myself towards a man I have been involved with for a year who does not treat me very well. I find it so hard and worry that I am going to hurt him. I don’t know why as he doesn’t care how I feel. My friend pointed out that when I find myself loosing my calmness due to someone’s behaviour, that I am loosing my true self and it’s time to get out.

@Br0ken_tv677 4 года назад

0:02 *that's how my face look like when someone ask me to do their homework* Btw: Aileen! Always love your content

@gintongaparador999 4 года назад

Lol same. My classmate recently asked (more like commanded) me to do homework for him. Guess what I did? I didn't do it.

@monineathsar8601 2 года назад

Playing this video on repeat. Very encouraging and validating. THANK YOU!

@hinatagirl33 4 года назад

🤚 🙋🏾‍♀️ learning to speak up for myself especially with humor as a buffer but also getting comfortable in being straight forward with it!!! This video is really speaking to my soul P.S. after this video, I had to immediately subscribe! I’m excited to go through your content

@B3bita1215 2 года назад

I don't know how I got here, but thank you so much. I needed this. ❤️

@rawwritsleah 4 года назад

I love this video! Would you be able to expand on how to handle situations where people push your boundaries after you have already communicated them? I have trouble standing my ground and understanding how to interpret that. Like is it normal for people who aren’t used to boundaries to push back a few times before they get it? How many “chances” should you give someone who tries to push the boundary?

@bren9193 4 года назад

You described it perfectly. come from a place of honesty, kindness and compassion in some cases, and people will understand, unless they dont, in which case, don't blame yourself because you did your best and its on THEM not you.