How to Set Goals That Will Actually Make You Happy! 

Any time I find myself upset by something someone else is doing I try to remind myself that they have *NO* control over how I choose to respond to them/my life and I tend to work harder on fundamentals and make sure I'm in integrity with my deepest values. The worst possible thing we can do in that situation is criticize/gossip/complain. Then we fall into victim hell. Best to step up and be the change and use the challenges as fuel, eh? :)

Hi Brian, I've been watching your videos for a few weeks now. Very inspiring stuff man, thanks!

Wow! I needed this. Thank you so much!

Got it. Totally agree on the story being more complicated than "expect the best." And, I prefer to focus on what we *do* know works. There's more than enough of that very straight-forward, evidence-based goodness to keep me busy for multiple lifetimes. :) Thanks for sharing your thoughts and please keep me posted on what you discover and how you're implementing it!

Thank u so much, Brian. I needed that reminder.

you are so inspiring Brian! love ya! keep up the good work!

Excellent! Shared on FB and Twitter.

Thanks!

Well one quick way to be happy is to set low expectations! lol I need to pick up a copy of Succeed, if only to see how other people are trying to explain mental contrasting. I've been reading the journal articles, and it's taken me a while to translate "mentally contrasting a desired future with present reality leads to expectancy-dependent goal-striving" into plain english, let alone something pragmatic.

Thank you! This video, along with the "Victim/Procrastinator? Your Call" note, is a great nudge to get on the path.

Brian... I had a feeling you were going to say that :) Thanks! Keep up the inspiring work!

This was great! I just picked this one out of the many videos you have on RU-vid. It made me want to know more about setting the happy goals. Do you speak more about this in your videos or do you need to take one of your classes. I will check out your website. Thanks again.

Brilliant Brian, Thank you!

Hey brian great work please continue I will def be buying your notes soon

Really good ! THANK YOU !

Thanks for your kind words and hope you enjoy the Notes!! :)

thank`s Brian, you inspire me !!!

Done! thanks for the idea and kind words, Jena! :)

@Mike Sherbakov Hi Mike: I have caffeine a few times a year but otherwise no! The keys for me to feel sharp: rest, exercise, meditation, creating consistently, a LOT of green veggies, no sugar and very llttle processed/refined foods!

Hi Brian, Very Nice & Informative.

I prefer the quickest way to boost happiness: kindness. Good for the giver, the receiver and the observer. I'm not familiar with the research that says setting low expectations per se is a quick way to happiness. Please share. From what I've read it comes down to a mix of positive expectations with a realistic sense of the inevitable challenges we'll face and a growth mindset when we hit setbacks. Heidi does a great job of translating that research. I think you'll enjoy Succeed & I'll send Note.

Thank you, Sanjay!

Awesome video! How do you keep track of your meditation hours or exercise hours?

Thanks, Jason!

I'm happier just watching this :)

Thanks!! :)

Hey Brian. Love the work you're doing. Maybe put your link in the first 2 or 3 lines. I couldn't find it at first as it disappears into see more link. Thanks, Jena

Thanks, Dennis!! :)

Thank you, Carys!

Lockes goal setting theory is inspiring, and I noticed you briefly referenced it.

"Pretty decent, actually." Good to know I appear to have exceeded your low expectations. Hah. Nice to see you, Duff. :) Agreed on the best selves diary done too much. Love Oettingen. We talk about her (+ mental contrasting) in my Notes on Succeed by Heidi Grant Halvorson and my video on how to develop true confidence (with confidence in both our abilities and the fact that we'll face challenges). Hope you're happy and flourishing and sending lots of love!

Wow, you've mentioned Ken Wilber. I am really into integral system and practice. It's really visionary.

Thanks, Florin!

Well I don't know exactly. I've seen at least one example in the literature where getting people to fake higher expectations didn't lead to greater goal success (the example was buried in a long review study from Oettingen et al), where the authors seemed to conclude that expectations (answering the question "how likely do you think X is to happen?) are based primarily on past performance. On the other hand, in the same article there was a study in which expectations were manipulated based on>>

thanks for sharing Brian! I have kind of a random question for you... but do you drink caffeine (yerba mate/coffee/black tea)? I've just found that I am less creative with blogs and videos since I've taken caffeine out of my diet for the last month or so

Great video :D

thanks

A recent lesson on goal setting that Ive listened to which was based around WillPower as most of us simply need the WillPower to attempt our goals was that it should be more focused on the reward of achieving the goal and also the Pain of not achieving it. Also having selfish and non-selfish rewards ideal ratio of 50:50 for each goal. What are your thoughts around focus on goals and / or rewards? (this is the first video Ive seen of yours!)

Good news!! :)

amazing

Kindness is definitely the way to go. I was just joking, along the lines of "the best way to be happy is to lower your expectations!" As far as the research goes, positive expectations are correlated with goal success, but expectations are based on past success not so much choosing them. Or at least that's what I've gathered so far--the literature on expectations is pretty vast.

I didn't pick up on the joke. Alas, the limitations of YT comments. "Expectations are based on past success not so much choosing them." That's not what I've picked up. Expectations are certainly influenced by many things but ultimately, ideally, under our conscious control, eh? Enter: The importance of training our attention/cultivating optimism/etc.

Thanks, Heleana! (And beautiful name! :)

Hi Brian chronic pain physical health as a result of a bad car accident where I got T boned is a obstacle to my goals . Great video on goals ,I love your passion. What are the best philosophy's or philosophy notes you recommend for dealing with pain?

@exoticat thank you!! :)

Pretty decent, actually. I was expecting less science, but you covered a fair amount of relevant applied positive psych research. The one thing I wonder about the positive selves exercise done frequently though is whether it could backfire in the ways that positive fantasies backfire if done with unrealistic positive selves and/or without mentally contrasting with present reality (see Gabrielle Oettingen's work on Fantasy Realization Theory)

how do u deal when people intentionally try to sabotage your from reaching your goals especially when you expect that they will support you?

>>false feedback (based on nothing at all) from an experimenter, who said that individuals in one group were creatively gifted, and this feedback even though it was made up lead to higher performance on a creativity task. So that's why I say I don't know yet about expectations. Self-help authors love to say that one can just "expect the best" and have the best then be more likely, but the story seems to be more complicated than that.

My goal is to make 200 push ups at one time

awesome demo .. but how the following rule fits into your rules? 'If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.' Einstein

Lionessgirl88, I'd love to try it out! Not quite sure how to message you. Thanks!

Agreed! Your comment reminded me of a TED talk by Derek Sivers, although his reasons for not telling other people your goals is different. watch?v=NHopJHSlVo4

:)

dont tell other ppl your goals

Thanks!!