How to STOP Obsessing Over Someone and START Letting Go (Best Relationship Advice) 

Was pulling teeth to get my girlfriend to agree to that thumbnail 🤣 - she's like "why would we act like we're mad at each other if we're not!?" Hope you dig this video! I'm not a relationship coach by any means but these are 3 major tips that have helped me over the years! Ready to change your life? It all starts with asking yourself the right questions. Get the 11 questions to change your life now (free gift for yt subs): www.clarkkegley.com/free-questions

I try to just let things be what they are. Worrying about being hurt won’t keep it from happening, it just steals your joy in the moment. You don’t need to worry if they’re going to leave or hurt you, you just need to know that you’ll be okay if they do. Concentrate on what you can control and let go of everything else. If it’s meant for you it won’t need you to hold on so tight

When you are dating and thinking of getting into a relationship with someone, always guard your heart and be willing to walk away from it.

If you don't love you... you'll always be chasing people who don't love you either.

"When you don't care, that indifference makes you attractive." -George Costanza

For me, it’s when the other person stops doing what they used to do when they were trying to pursue you once they’ve got you.

"freedom is a higher need than love" wow 🤯

People always over attach because they get their approval from them and their worth is always dependent on other people... It's a mess! And the answer is self-love!

this is the best relationship advice video on youtube; relationships should only ADD to your life, not feel like a full-time job or be ALL of your life. The best thing you can do for EVERYONE you love is love yourself first, so you're able to sufficiently love them.

The problem with this logic is that once you pull back your attention and devotion in a relationship and really mean it, after some time, you begin to lose attraction to your partner. So, it won't matter if the other person is then compelled to start "chasing" you. You've checked out.

This is what i needed. I became too needy lately and i need to work on that. It's mostly coming from my own loneliness and wanting someone to occupy my loneliness. But i shouldn't need someone to occupy my loneliness. I just need to be more comfortable in that loneliness and turn into a comfortable solitude. It's also coming from the fact that im 28 and a lot of people my age are getting married and lovely families. I need to improve on myself and then attract the people i want in my life. Thank you.

I think it’s also important to address one of the reasons we do this. Many people, most I would say, don’t like themselves, love themselves, or even hate themselves. A lot of the time we are our own worst critic, and our worst enemy. Because we know all our flaws, we know all our past failures or mistakes. But other people don’t. So it is easier to seek and convince someone else to like you and validate you, than it is to convince yourself. And once we have that person that does this for us, that gives us what we were sorely lacking from within ourselves, we hold on and don’t let go. This attachment of course creates a cage for the other person. And what is the most natural reaction to being in a cage … ? Eventually the other person “escapes.” Once they are lost, and we forget the past joys we had with them. We are only left with one relationship instead of two. We often forget THIS relationship, because it isn’t taught. But it is the MOST IMPORTANT one to focus on before you even start dating others. *The relationship with ourselves. * We go from fun, joy, love, sex, and companionship. To the voice inside our heads that know all our fuck-ups and shortcomings. And the cycle continues… We look for a new person to save us from the toxic relationship with our own minds. Or we obsess over the past one in order to try to rekindle and forget the inner relationship we’re left with. But the most important thing I’ve started to learn is… that we must stop repeating the same old cycle. We must first directly confront ourselves. Stare directly at us inwardly, with as little bias as possible, and ask: “ Why am I so toxic with myself? ” From this simple question which has NO simple answer (it usually stems from childhood , past traumas , past relationships , likely our first real relationship ) We can form a basis for understanding and healing our own intrinsic relationship. I believe that is the most paramount for our growth as a person , and our growth as a partner.

Disney messed up a lot of folks. Thanks for the deep dig conversation.

The universe brought this to me when I needed it the most! Thank you so much!

I needed to see this today. My partner and I have been going through some rough patches that are incredibly complicated and hard to sort out. I view our relationship as important and I put significant amounts of energy into it because I view it as building our future but she doesn’t put equal amounts of effort into it. This leave me feeling like she feels she doesn’t need to try because I’m doing all of the work and leaves me feeling frustrated like I’m carrying the entire thing on my back. I’m going to start consciously focusing on myself and my freedom first and let her come to me. I guess I was sending out signals that she’s more important than I am but really I’m just focused on building a relationship that is strong and will stand the tests of time. Going to be changing focus now, thank you 🙏🏼

I just broke up with my girlfriend. I feel this “anxiety” in my chest each day and find it hard to participate in conversations socially, I can only think about her and how she’s feeling. I believe our 6 month relationship was co dependent which makes it hard for both of us to move in right now. It’s been over a month and it’s getting better but still fighting that daily anxiety. Hopefully we can find inner peace ❤️ thanks for the video

You singlehandedly gave me the answers I needed to find closure in my failed relationship. Thank you

Algorithm is crazy 🤯 exactly what i needed to hear at this point in my life 😩

I needed to see this video. I feel like I have been a little too nice. A little too needy. Expecting people to be there when I need them. Expecting them to have the same heart and loyalty as me. Those days are over. I refuse to chase or beg. I am worthy. I need to set better boundaries. Let them know “ I love you, but I love myself more.”And accept the fact that people are not gonna always be there for me when I need them. I have to learn how to be there for myself. Lesson learned 💯❤️

"Remember you attract what you are not what you want" hands down one of the dopest relationship advice I have ever get

I have been in a relationship for almost 8 years. It started all wrong (long story). Either way, what we have is not love, it is co-dependency and we are "used" to each other. I have started this wonderful journey of self-love and self-discovery and have discovered that our love / relationship is not what it should be. We are growing apart and I know the right thing to do is to call it quits. We don't know what we are holding on to, yet, we are still together. Deep inside, I know that right thing to do is go our separate ways, yet is hard and it hurts somehow. Decisions, decisions, decisions 🤔😕 When you literally lose yourself for the other person, it is not a healthy and prosperous relationship!

Sometimes it is right to give the person an answer for stringing them along for years. There is nothing worse than being used and not holding a person accountable for using another person. There is a need, we all have a need. We all do the same things to each other. Don’t use others. There is no excuse nor reason for that.

If a person thrives off of someone else needing them, then that IS codependent (The need to be needed). This is an awesome video, thank you.

I went from getting woman left and right to being sprung on one that, could care less. Ima tell you exactly how to overcome it. -If she ain’t reaching out let her go. -Focus on yourself, realize that no matter what you the baddest and always gonna be the baddest periodt. -Mediation/Prayer everyday for at least 5 minutes. Will clear your mind and help with anxiety majorly. Now I’m not saying it’s automatically gonna take the pain away but I promise. I’m at the point to where I just gotta better myself. And this is the start to it. I’ll be back in about a month and let you guys know that my ex wants me back now that I’ve moved on and bettered my self. Watch. Speak into existence. And watch it manifest.

I came in here to learn how forget her in letting go. Now Im feeling guilty for loving (dependency) her this hard

I’m a dependent type and I didn’t even notice. I see why he left me now. I’ll try to become more independent and love myself

Why does love have to have a set of rules ? I honestly done believe it does. Love how you want to. Love 100 percent if that’s how you feel. Love isn’t something you can put into a box and just take it out when it’s convenient. I’ve spent most of my life. In a dark hole where love didn’t exist. The only thing I’m good at is loving. If that’s to much for someone. Then find someone who can handle it. Simple. Why should I have to change the way I love for someone. I think most Need lots of love. Because they’ve spent years. Not getting enough love. Being in relationships getting lied to cheated on abused. Don’t let the past dictate your future. Love as much as you can.

My eyes and mind has been opened. I never knew these 3 types of love. Thank you for this. I was in a dependent relationship. I was dependent on him. Now I know where I went wrong. And the more I kept trying to “LOVE” him the worse. I understand now. He always spoke about wanting to be free and not be controlled. I understand it so much more clearly. 🤯 why do we not teach people this? Ugh! If I know this. I could have left a long time ago! Oh well I’m here now and I understand now. Thank you I am obsessed with him. Now I know how to break it.

Thanks Clark. You reminded me that I was in a codependency rather than interdependece, and made realize that freedom is higher than love. Thanks

I agree with what you said about the different kinds of love, but I disagree with the idea that freedom “supersedes” love. What I think is more accurate is that freedom is a vital component OF love in its highest form and without it you aren’t actually experiencing love. But more people kill themselves because of a perceived lack of love than a perceived lack of freedom. Freedom does not supersede love.

🌻🌼"freedom, love and peace... oneness" nobody owns you only you who owns you... you are YOU (your soul) namaste!🙏🌼🌻

I don't see myself in a relationship anytime soon. I'm only 25, but relationships make me extremely depressed. I feel held back and like I can't be myself. I put the person's needs before mine that I ignore red flags. I am extremely clingy when I don't want to be. I am on the spectrum and I'm like this with all my relationships even my friends and family.

This man is speaking facts. Every woman I have gone after has ended worse that it started

You always post at the right time, Clark. Cheers, this is why I have my notifications on!

If you’ve got to the time to read this, please do… I watched this exact video maybe 2 months ago when I first started seeing this girl, not because I felt I needed to but because it just popped up in my suggested videos. Anyway, I gave it a watch and was astonished at how well I was handling this “girl situation”. I wasn’t attached, i didn’t feel like I NEEDED her as such, it was just going really well at the time. Fast forward 2 months and I’ve found myself looking up “how to detach from someone you love” videos and it brought me back to this. And as I watch it for a second time, I have complete opposite feelings, I’m getting defensive over what he’s saying, trying to find ways to make myself feel better about being so attached to this girl. But I’ve had to pull myself up on it, only because I remember how I felt the first time I saw this… It sucks man, the fact that you can feel so strong minded one minute, to feeling like a child with no self control the next, is actually mental. All I wanna say is, to anyone out there feeling like they’re getting too attached, we’ve got this. Both you and I💪

Like catching a Butterfly more you chase it becomes impossible but if you sit "Still" it will land on you! 😁 You make logical sense and I realize I gotta start from scratch, work on self because I am worthy of love, We All are but if our broken cycles is repeated it will have repeated results. Time for Change 👍I am very Willing! Embracing & Addressing the Flaws.

Heavy appreciation on your statement at the end of the video “stop settling, start living” ✨

wtf how did you expose 1 1/2 years of my life in a 15 min video. i’m blown away i wish i would’ve watched this sooner

Thank you, just lost my relationship because of my controlling tendencies. I love them a lot but it was a wake up call, they still are very hurt and I just really want them to do well...

For the texting part, if I just don't care or act uninterested no one will ever text me. Unless I'm putting all the effort, I'll just be alone and tbh that's not worth it

The highest form seems like meeting a good friend

It's a great video and it makes a lot of sense. I recently saw a video of Tom Hiddleston in an interview where he was asked about his views on "love" and he said something along the lines of, oh I think love is just as messy as it's ever been. Regardless of how logical or tactical we try to be, we're often led by our emotions, especially when we're in the moment and then all of these lessons just go out the window. Also, if it's "right", you won't need to watch relationship advice videos because things will just flow.

With the risk of sounding cheesy or basic... Out of all the videos I've watched to try and help me get over my breakup... These just hit differently. Almost like everything's going to be okay even if I don't get my ex back.

I’ve recently come out of a co-dependent situation. Towards the end of it we found ourselves in this stagnant bubble of boredom and routine. And as things changed and we grew and evolved things became more difficult between us. When you’re in it you can’t see it for what it is. It’s only when you’ve stepped back and take a long look at the red flags and signs that you understand where it isn’t working.

In almost all of my relationships it was dependent love, I was always obsessing over them and I see why they didn’t work now. I think I’m in a codependent relationship now, so that’s definitely gonna change after watching this video. You should be a relationship coach, because the way you approach and give visuals helps me understand a lot better.

You are a master. Best spirituality “self help” channel. Please don’t stop!

"I should be more important than the frickin sunset!" That for some reason made me laugh. As someone working on overcoming my abandonment issues, I'm gonna remember that...

I should have watched this 15 years ago. When I was young and reckless. However, if I did get in to more relationships, I probably wouldn't be where I am right now...

over attached and yes results are worse especially me and my adult children. I felt so rejected, they are much nicer to me since I got a life and am not so attached.

This guy deserve more subscribers ❤️❤️❤️

I need some serious help gaining self-control and self-love. I was working 2 jobs to save up to purpose out of nowhere I notice my ex getting very distant and not being her normal self. I questioned her about it only for her to walk out and block me of everything, now I can't stop thinking about what I did wrong and why it got to that stage. I was with this person for 10+ years, considered them as my everything and fully believed the feelings were natural. I didn't think they would ever leave considering how we were, it's now a year since our break up. I didn't get any closer or even had a transparent conversation and my thoughts drive me mad to a point I can't think of anything else.

We all have one person in mind while listening to this

Letting go I think Is the absolute first thing you have to do to change your state if you are in one of the first two kinds Maybe you still don't love yourself that much, maybe you still think you are a bit flawed, but you have to be yourself, take responsability for showing your truest self, and absolutely not be clingy If things go bad, you must understand that you have been absolutely honest, that will increase the love for yourself, because you did a gigantic task: opposing to your paranoid thoughts of being flawed

Change is so hard. 👌 especially when you don't see the break up coming

I needed to watch this at the right time in my life. Thank you

Best 12 mins I’ve watched in this year yet

8:20 appreciating someone’s company and trust in them.

this made me see my ex and is relationship and helped me realized that we weren’t in love which is really helping me get over her so thank you so much

Unfortunately I got to experience only the first one. Have been single my whole life because no girl is attracted to me. It's breaks heart to be honest whenever I see that others are having amazing time with their partners. If I had a girlfriend and if she watched me instead of the sunset I wouldn't find it creepy or needy at all infact I would be very happy and feel great that she finds me attractive. The truth is guys and girls who are born attractive, have money and success and have been in relationships many times don't realize the value of it and can't understand how hard it is being alone and unattractive feels like.

oh my god, im speachless with the help you just got me. Im starting a new relationship with someone and every aspect of us seems to be connected, and i got a little backstory with a past dependence relationship so i was almost developving possesion and not letting my partner be that free, so now i feel better sorta opened my eyes, so i can magnify this marriage, i litteraly owe you one

I’m not even dating them but they’re on my mind 24/7, confusing me and I’m drowning, I can’t breathe, it’s literally exhausting and draining. I just want to stop thinking of him and sort out my mental health, I can’t even focus on work and I’m so low that I can’t get any motivation anymore, I want to get out of bed early and work out but I can’t.

omg when I have a problem in my relationships, I refer to various characters from various romantic comedies and do what they did - which is so dumb!! it's like that is not even me, and I just become someone else in the hope that will solve the problem. LOl its so dumb

- I Feel like I just got slapped in the face, Sir. Thank you. 🤦‍♀️

I appreciated this, I'm kinda in this situation. I'm not in a relationship but I asked a girl out. We were both friends before I asked her out and since I did we've talked a lot more. The problem is that it feels like I'm putting in all the work, now in her defense she's told me she's busy and I understand it. It's been a while and we've talked and I'm quite certain she's interested, I've given her to many chances to reject me without any hurt feelings and she hasn't taken any of them and has affirmed that she does want to go out. I'm head over heels for this girl so I hope it works out but I'm making all the steps and she hasn't made many moves on her own. Now just yesterday she reached out to me so we'll have to wait to see where this goes before I can decide if this is a one sided relationship or it's just the early stages. I have low self esteem but I've always been happy with who I am, this is the first girl I've ever liked in this way but I'm not gonna change who I am to conform to her wants.

You attract what you are not what you want. It is still mindblowing to me

how the frick did youtube realize that i was in my first dependent relationship

I had a break up yesterday, and it helps and get to know , where i to make mistake in our relationship.

I'm to the point where if someone told me they loved me and genuinely meant it. i would just burst down into tears.

"Dude watch the sunset" oh my God :D I knew the first kind of love you mentioned was unhealthy but I really used to love the second type tbh..

You made the complex so simple. Thank you!!

Don't make confusion between feelings and Love. Love is a behavior towards the universe, feelings is what makes us human beings.

Thank you for this .. I recently liked this guy but now I'm realising it came out as needy (dependent love) .. And I screwed it up.. But now .. I know better ..

My experience is to be cool ,cold observation and avoid committing too much time and focus on her. If you feel you are needy, shift your focus on something else for a week or two.

he’s already in a new relationship after 2 months of us breaking up so I have absolutely no choice but to let go. whether it’s a rebound or the real deal at the end of the day he isn’t mine anymore, he is hers. I have to accept that. /:

Thank you this opened my eyes alot, I was in the first kind of love because I was (up until now at least) overly obsessed with my girlfriend, I didn't realize that I was pushing her away with how obsessive I was now I'm starting to realize that I should be able to be independent and know that she will be there at the end of the day. Thank you @Clark Kegley for this advice I will put this into practice and start focusing on myself to rebuild myself and to love myself more , and see if this will eventually help me fix my relationship. Thank you so much again !

Thank you for this informatie Clark! I now do realise that I did wrong.. I shouldn't have acted obsessive. On the other hand, I need to get myself back together and enjoy the things I love while building myself up. I know that the person cares about me, I just need to stop overthinking and asking attention and reasurance all the time. I guess we all need to learn afterall. But your video was just the one I needed. 🙂

BRO, YOU NAIL IT !!!!!...are you a fan of Tony Robbins??

I was just thinking about that in the past week. Its all SOO TRUE!! Thank you

Hits me every single word 💔 been on dependent and as well as codependent love, and the girl im inlove with now, definitely wants freedom

well explained, let go and see better results...chasing has never brought good results

I love you Clark! I thought the manifest a text video was my favorite but no, it’s not. THIS ONE IS AMAZING

I think it’s important to be honest, always, no matter what you’re feeling. If you lose their respect, they aren’t worth keeping.

I am really loving this content 😊 it’s so motivating & I totally believe in manifestation. Love learning how to be better & attract better! Thank you ✨

This is advice I've been searching for for years. Thank you so much. I've been in a realtionship for 4 and a half years and I'm clingy and obsessive sometimes and it pushes him away. I know what it is but hearing you explain it in this way has really solidified everything I already knew.

I’m in the fourth month moving into the fifth so I’m feeling this. Awesome relevant advice!

Thank you Clark! I needed this

I don’t have the words to express how eye opening this was Thank you

Watching this because my Gf is breaking up with me but i don't want to thanks for the tips

Too many advertisements

Where were you when I needed this advice.

It'll be a long way for me to learn these things. And i need to start from within 😭

Sorry, but you're not necessarily obcessed with the other person if you wear matching t-shirt , i never did this but you can have romance, then interdependance, then be independant. I really dont think, you can find a perfect love

I love that point. No one's born with the tools. Exactly.

The way he explains it ..So easy to digest

What camera do you use to record? The image is dope.

You walk like a God your Goddess will come to you.

If I go to a yard sale, when I see something I’d really like to have, I casually ask how much it is. Then I may or may not offer them less. The less eager I act, the better price I get. Because, the cooler I act it’s like I can take it or leave it when I’m really biting at the bits inside LOL 😜

I'm so glad I'm really hung I don't have to worry about any of this honestly.

Love liberates. It doesn't hold. That's ego. Love liberates. (Maya Angelou)

New sub here! I have been loving your content, your energy etc. I definitely needed to hear that today. Thank you!