I‘ve developed a crush on someone I barely know but I‘ve now realized that I fell in love with the idea of this person and not the real person and I‘ve been doing this my whole life. I‘ve never had a relationship and I think I finally know that this is the reason for it. I hope I can change this
@x i love the way u expressed it si honesty. I really wanted to hear something like that the part where u said u r obsessed with the idea of them and not actually loving them. I mean it. This was one of yhe thing i needed rn.
Well, I’ve had big BIG crushes on people I NEVER thought I would get over. But one day, you realize you haven’t thought about that person in a while, and you feel amazing! Free at last!! It can happen for this person too.
How do you do that? It feels such a flaw in my own programming that I feel obsessed to spend time with them, get their attention but I know in fact I'm not even a secondary person in their lives and they have their own daily routines
It’s a relief to know I’m not the only one in this type of situation. I can’t stop thinking about my ex, and it’s so frustrating at times because he’s out there living he’s life, no trace of me, while even though I’m trying to live my life, he’s still present in my mind. We’ve been on and off back then, but it’s been more than two years already. We bumped into each other a couple of times, but haven’t talked in months 😩
I guess the though thing about this is that for me it is not even about this person, cause I barely know him. It's about the idea of being with SOMEONE who makes me feel the way I felt with that guy the few times we met. But the obsession started before I even met this specific guy who now is my extra trigger because before I just obsessed about yearning for romantic companionship. This video is simply not helping because I already have my passions. I already socialize a lot and share my hobbies. I can't add any more hobbies than I already have and I love them. But once you obsess over something it's hard to stop because you can be doing something else and while it used to be fun at one point, you still can't fully focus anymore on that.
I’m a bit sad the guy I like didn’t tell me how he feels, I mean he yelled at my sister when she told him but he’s giving me mixed signals and I’m dizzy
The fact that we purposely searched for this, means that we have the initiative to get better, and I applause us for it. May we truly achieved what we want in life, as long as it's not to hurt others but always of love. Even I, as typing this is still currently not really "fine", but I'm not just going to give up and let what let me down win. We're all in this together guys! 😊💕
I never knew I was so obsessed until I thought about it. I messaged her despite her wanting space from me. And she has rightfully left me on delivered. I deserve this. I wish I wasn’t so obsessed, but I’ve never felt this cared for in my life by another girl. I feel depressed.
Update on my situation: I have cut her off completely. I’ve realized that this girl doesn’t want me for who I am. Im now incredibly happy and I’m loving my life now :) it may seem impossible, it’s gonna hurt for a while, especially if you loved the girl like I loved mine. But believe me cutting her off is the right decision boys, especially if she isn’t giving you what you need to hear, or if there’s no communication. Stay strong boys!
From personal experience, a mental obsession over someone is a sign that I'm neglecting my social health. I've overcome this by meeting new people and attending hangout groups. In the end, it's as if the "crush" was a placeholder for better things to come. Thank you for this video!
thank you for this. I’m going thru the same thing right now and i think it’s because i’m neglecting my social health too. i’m trying to get better but it can be hard sometimes :)
True. If you are destined to be with this crush, it will happen, otherwise it is a sign you mentioned. It is a sign you are missing, want something and this crush is sign to improve yourself, look after your emotional/love life.
Well, it's 1:43 am and I still can't sleep because I keep thinking about that one person. You see, it's easier during the day, I can keep myself busy but what about these long lonely sleepless nights? Moreover, I really don't want to use someone else to get over someone else. I mean yeah I try to make new friends but I feel like it's very forceful from my side while the other person is thinking that it's mutual. I don't want to deceive this new person (probably the person I'm thinking about did the same to me as well)
I wonder how this works. I believe that everything is energy (from one of Nikola Tesla's sayings) but I can't it see as the way it is-- as just energy.
Yes exactly. I have never been obsessively thinking about somebody this much till quarantine hit us. My mind will always more focus to socialize when i have to be around many people so i will not think about that person. But i've been home for weeks so it's so hard to get my mind off that person 😭
@@alezt14 this is really true. and it actually caused me to lose that person the fact that i was so obsessed by having him the way i wanted. I ended up pushing him away. Now i am obsessed even more because he wanna be friends for now. I think i inject also my negative vibes into him and he also lost concentration on things that probably are more important in his life e.g his work and himself. So now I am paying the price of him pulling away and downgrading me for now. He told me that we should continue to talk as a friend and not labeling our relationship right now until everything is back to normal again and that we could meet again. But i guess because of that I am even more obsessed and need his validation to reassure that he will stick with me and that we will work things out. But this is not healthy and I have been watching this vdo more than 3 times in order to understand that I have to let this obsession go and let things work out on its own. i am normally very independent but at this time I guess i really need attention and I overwhelm him with this
The best thing to do is try and keep yourselfs busy 👍. I'm trying to find things to do physically. Sadly just a week before lockdown I heard the girl I liked might be married and has a child. Haven't seen her for 4 years since college but it really hit me and has left me emotionally upset. I'm trying to move on but I get these moments and dreams which don't help along with the subconscious overthinking and fantasy
What to do if we are staying in same building and that too in this quarantine period. Seeing him happy with his wife now everyday. I am getting more obsessed
Recognising that obsession is a natural response of my brain to an unresolved situation has actually helped me a lot. Because the only thing worse than my obsession is me bashing myself for being so obsessed.
Mental obsession is a habit and habits can be broken easily .if someone know how habits can be broken, as simple as shifting your sleep, meal ,or hobbies timings .,but this one is mainly emotional thing normally, which has to take some time (reaction time to the new case). Extrem pain ,but forever peace.
Believe me, it's just a matter of time. Gradually, as more important things come in your way, you will get over the person, and that will be the best feeling :) You live only once. Don't waste it over someone who doesn't give a damn about you.
I like it: focusing on achieving a goal that helps others, rather than focusing on a particular person that is not treating us all that special. I will remember and use that.
Never stop doing the things that are important for you while your are in the middle of an obsession: school/ work/ holiday/ courses etc. The obsession will fade away; your achievements last forever and will make you feel so proud of yourself! Those are the positive things in the dark period of obsession.
It takes 21 days to get into a habit. Stop watching their shit. Stop talking about them. Stop looking for them. Make room for the person who deserves to be in your life.
But how to stop the inner voice that keep telling Me to "NO don't let him think that he WIN just do somthing " it's a distance relationship so social media is the only way to show and prove him wrong I'm stuck..
@@peacejoy3629 yea but you're draining yourself by doing that. It's best to be mature and just block him on everything. It's tough to do so, but the best decision for yourself and your mental health. Constantly proving yourself to him is obsessive behavior as well. Break out of it and start bettering yourself hun.
@@peacejoy3629 it doesn't matter where he is. Even if you leave and block him, he still wonders what happened to you. Flip the script and he'll be obsessed with you lol just don't get caught up in proving yourself to him. He's a loser, he doesn't deserve to see you.
@@vallymokhlis But now is it normal to don't want any relationship ! and get to know someone ! I wanna stay by myself. Bcz I can't find a good match at an intellectual level . like they fake it *there Intelligence* bcs all what they want is reach my BODY and they're all normalize it . I want deferent. And my bff normalize it too she said* this is humane gurl , so you're not normal you are a robot ! * and keep telling me to spread myself around and be social and have conversations and then I'll have choices to pick the ONE ! But it's unfaithful for me and not loyal at all and kinda b***y thing and waste of energy. I think one person is enough we get to know eachother and then we be official . But she keep pushing me she made think I'm I an alien or what ! Like even when I do like a guy ( we at university in same class) and I feel he likes me back , all I do is make him think that YOU DON'T EXIST like I ignore hiim I don't why I do that 💔 ( and she done that she know someone they're together as couple but she has a crash on too other guys in uni and they text and I see her smile when she read there messages and I beeee shocked ! Like what are you dOinG and she normalized it *she said everyone do that * So mybe I'm the problem
Omg! That's what i needed! I know he senses my energy! I need to stop putting it out there otherwise he'll never wake up! Brilliant! Help me Universe. 🙏
I disagree. I often do the Irish goodbyes at parties and nobody ever notices when I'm gone. At least I assume cuz the next day, people don't ever ask me where I had disappeared to.
I feel like my obsession comes from fear and not being able to find anyone else, cus an obsession is always formed when a new attractive person enters into my life (few and far between) that likes me a lot and gives me attentention. I get excited and think I've found "the one", and then my anxiety of potentially losing the person if I do the "wrong thing" persists and changes me in a negative way. Then, they pull away and I plot even harder trying to find a way to pull them back in. I feel like if I can let go of this insecurity in myself, then I can finally be free. Redirecting my obsession seems to be like distracting myself from the real underlying issue that forces me to form that obsession in the first place, when it shouldn't even be there.
Amazing comment. I’m in the middle of trying to stop obsessing about this girl from my gym, I found her on IG and her blogs on RU-vid. I’ll try to stop watching anything about her and and get some new hobbies. 😒
Sometimes we create a version of a person that really doesn’t exist. It’s a fantasy of who we want them to be, it’s not the real person. We need to look at the real actions, if someone is not giving you security or solid answers that they want to be with you then the answer is NO. Absence is the best, as stated in the video once your energy is gone from them that’s when they notice. We need to stop giving our energy to the wrong people.
Happened to me. He didn’t give me any information about himself. So I went on a mission to find out who he is via internet. And I developed a massive crush. It took me a year and a month and @Susanwinter to help me recover.
What if you’re obsessed with them for how they make you feel? (not directly, like, them doing things to/for you) For how thinking about them, being reminded of them, things about them makes you feel.. When you love things about them, and not just because of who you want them to be, but who you see them as/the way you see them? I’m sorry if this is confusing, I’m just talking about me being a K-Pop fan, obsessed with an idol and I’ve been trying to “not have him in my life” anymore.. But, and it’s hard to explain, a lot of things just remind me of him, too.. And sometimes, I just don’t know what to do when I see things that remind me of him or triggers me to think about him..
I admire people who can understand that obsessively thinking about someone doesn't lead anywhere and it would be best to forget them. And there's me, who kind of understands this, but also likes the feeling of liking someone. So one part of me wants to forget, the other doesn't. All while knowing it doesn't make sense at all to continue thinking about literally NOTHING.
You might 'kind of like' the feeling because you unconsciously feel you deserve to still be in pain or torturing yourself in some way. Think of the harm you're doing to yourself.
i waited 74 days for someone i was kind of obsessed with for a few months, realised they weren't worth it in the end. leave them when you can, you won't regret it!
This is the real issue, the internal struggle in everyone who goes through that. A part of me wants to delete everything in my memory, totally forget the girl, moving on and not think about her EVER. Then there's this other side who WANTS to think about her because it's pleasing, it's a drug for my mind and it's almost unstoppable. I guess I'm not strong enough to let it go.
Here a year on from when I first watched this video, and let me just say I'm sending major love to anyone reading this that's going through a hard time or has major heartbreak right now, a year ago I felt like I'd always be sad and have this person stuck in my mind and it used to tear me up inside, now I barely think of them and am looking at my future, working away in college and aiming to get a better job. If I can do it anyone can! And most importantly TIME HEALS YOUR HEART, it may not feel like it now but you will stop thinking of this person and move on to better things :)
Thank you! I really needed this. This is my first time going through a heartbreak and it’s a really tough one on me. My mental health isn’t so great either and this makes it even worse. I really hope I’m able to get over this soon
@Maryah Muyumyah I’m glad at least one person feels helped:) I promise though things will only get better and you will eventually feel like your old self again, that person didn’t define who you were and they certainly won’t define who you are without them ♥️♥️♥️
thank u so much for this update. Your message was so beautiful and perfectly said! Thank you for taking the time to share it. I'm sure that meant so much to so many people. Hope you got that better job!
Thank you so much your wise words helped a lot i stuck on to the person for more than one year and it's the worst feeling ever I had I still think of him but I hope that one day I will never think of him again 🤞
That sounds tough my friend. I hope you find something that helps you feel joy. May I suggest something simple as going on a hike in a beautiful remote area?
I tried the method ignoring him and not feeding him the energy. It has the opposite effect: he keeps coming back. and it's very tempting because I do have feelings for the guy, I will never tell him. He is too full of himself anyways.
I hear you. It is interesting how we can be obsessed with a dream. It is all an illusion. This is a sign that you need to invest more time and energy into your own hobbies.
I have a very imaginative mind since childhood, i used to fantasize something that i know its impossible to achieve or have. When i become adult, this fantasizing continued and was reinforced when i read the book of Paolo Coelho, "The Alchemy" supporting that if we dream of sonething really seriously, the universe will conspire to give us what we want. Now i am an adult life is teaching me that there is an issue in my childhood, its rejection and abandonment, that was unresolved. I have discovered that my fantasizing is a way of escape to whats lacking inside of me. My parents failed to assure me of my self worth and self esteem is low. Thanks to your videos, it awakened me of whats lacking within me. Slowly i will reset myself to heal my childhood issue with the help from God.
it was verarsche to hurt me...... they planned it, they executed it, they trashed me, then they created a wreck, and then they trashed me for being hurt..... planned out strategically executed and finished....... and then it was above all my fault....
All those who are here after being left by their one sided love.. God give u peace and a real lover soon. For the time just focus on your smile. And smile for me please :)
The best way for me to stop obsessing about somebody else, was to start obsessing about myself. Knock them off the pedestal you put them on, and put yourself back there, because that is where you belong.
He met someone new. I guess my blockage was that: I was there for him when he was at his lowest point in life, encouraged him, pushed him to exercise, showed him to stay positive, etc. I did all that because I really liked him and his sweet words convinced me that we would have an amazing lif together. Now that his life is back on track and his confidence’s back, he abandoned me for someone else. I think my blockage is that he didn’t appreciate what I did for him. He took what he needed and left. I wonder why are some people like this... I learned my lesson.
Wow!!! I'm so sorry! I had that but the other way around...he was going through a tough time and I tried to help him. But he lives with his ex (he always said to me that they broke up because he considered her a friend but had no where else to live so they kept living together). Anyways, because the tough time he was going through I tried to be understanding but after a year and now that he is fine again I decided to talk things with him. His answer was that his life was with the other person and that he rather had me as a friend (of course with benefits)...so I decided to stop that relationship we had because it was going no where and I felt used and played around. He also told me that the other woman was still in love with him but he didn't want anything with her. I never met her but I would love to, just to let her know that I never wanted to hurt her in case the situation did. Because she knew of my existence as he told her once...
How are you doing now? If it helps any, at least you can leave peacefully without the regret that you were in the wrong and that you gave it your best. I still wonder why are some people like that... Why would they say one thing and mean the other? Surely they know that if it were them, they'd feel hurt and used too... so why do it to someone else?
I realised whenever I have a crush/obsession on someone it usually takes the form of daydreaming about a future version of me that is skinnier, prettier, got her shit together, is living life the way I want to etc. I think I do this because I don’t feel like a relationship would be the best for me right now and I definitely have some insecurities about nobody wanting me as a partner. I can’t picture my current self with a partner, it has to be some ideal version of me that I will never be. This version of me will be “finally good enough” to enter into a relationship. I’m definitely going to take your advice on breaking the habit, but I don’t know how to refocus my goals when it seems pretty clear that this fantasy land is serving a dual purpose of relationship fantasy and “ideal future me” fantasy. How do I feel more satisfied with my present self? How do I stop this feeling of not being good enough?
By realizing you are the ideal you, and that somebody if not multiple will see that ideal you. It’s tough, it might be a process of putting yourself out there in a lot of situations but building that confidence will connect with others.
I don't sleep much, eat much or able to concentrate much I can't stop thinking about a guy who doesn't like me as much as I like him. Rejection hurts so much. I realized he was just leading me on and feeding his ego. He knew I liked him and never said at the beginning that he doesn't want a relationship with me of course he told me why but those reasons are strange anyway I'm avoiding him as much as I can but I still love him he does have some good qualities and we do get on pretty well despite everything. Well time to turn my attention to myself now. He'll notice for sure that I'm not around as much but it's his loss. He should've been honest with me before he broke my heart. 😔Thanks Susan good advice.😔
We're in no-contact but seem to be communicating through silence. I'm constantly reminded of him, seeing his name everywhere. It's like I'm grieving, crying everyday, I'm totally obsessed with him, but.........I just can't go back, I just can't. 😩💔
This was very helpful, I feel kind of embarrassed about thinking in an obssesive way but you didn't make me feel like a crazy person at all & your advice was very helpful
Start a relationship with yourself. I am having obsessive habits. Had them a lot. Love yourself. That's the best option for me. Hope it helps someone. Very helpful video thank you. Much Love all
This is why so many people replace an "old"/lost/unrequited love with another instead of working on a better, stronger self. It's a lifelong lesson and not everybody can do it. You're strong enough to do this, focus on yourself, establish healthy boundaries, break habits that don't serve you. In my opinion, you don't need to set a somewhat distant goal in stone. Focus on the process instead.
WOW. I REALLY NEEDED THIS. It’s a mental obsession that’s exhausting for me to live and exhausting for my friends to hear about! I definitely needed that reminder about not keeping them alive energetically. Thank u!
I'm obsessing over someone that lead me on and when somebody better suddenly came back into their life, she completely went ghost. My flaw is that I always try to find what I did wrong even though people tell me I didn't do anything wrong. It's just a mental habit I need to break.
It's like a hamster in a wheel. Constantly thinking about the person but you know it's not going anywhere. But the feeding energy is so true. You're good Ms. Susan!!!😇💜
“In any moment on any given day I can measure my wellness by this question: is my attention on loving or is my attention on who isn’t loving me?” -Andrea Gibson
If u have that person on social media just remove them, don’t stalk them do something that will benefit you, study read a book just move them out of ur progress in life. Remember we are all in quarantine so you can choose to put ur focus on your goals or that person. I know what ur going through sadly :( I hope u pull through !
This was very well articulated and very helpful. However, I think the final bit of advice risks compromising the whole attempt. It may be true that depriving that person of your presence will increase the chance they will miss you, but I think its a messy game to play. When you are succeeding in not thinking about them/not messaging them, you will have this underlying thought that you are only ignoring them SO THAT they will come to you. It almost increases the obsession because you are anticipating their return. Then, if they don't return, it just hurts and feels helpless. I guess its a double edged sword. But focussing on other goals and spending time DOING stuff that isn't thinking about that person is really good advice to interrupt the habit.
@@bobate6030 I wrote that during a period of infatuation with someone and can confirm the advice of filling your day with other activities which force you to disregard your phone is a good strategy. Smoking 2 cigarettes a day is better than 30.
I agree. I was buying into this but she completely lost me with that last little nugget - a nugget of complete BS IMO. A crazy narcissist discarded me and I am certain is giving me no thought at all. The new rewards supply person is in place and as long as that is the case I remain completely eliminated from the picture. That said, the breaking the habit advice was excellent and she was correct about my inability to sleep. Need more work in those areas.
That is so true! I even get excited when I feel like I have let them go because I „know“ now they are coming back and then I get sad all over again, even more …how can I break this cycle 😭
I can confirm from my own experience that this constant thinking of that specific persons keeps feeding them. I had the same experience in the past that as soon as I stopped thinking about the person for a while, all of a sudden she got in touch with me just as you experienced in on of your previous videos. Not that this is a magic way to get someone back but it is energy you are missing and could use for your own purpose and happiness instead. Your videos always seem to come right on time and are on the spot. Time to shift my focus back to myself. Thank you so much Susan.
So true. In my situation I believe this guy continues his neglect of me b/c he knows he can get away with it. He knows I have feelings for him. He knows the second he calls I will come running. I know I need to change my mindset even though it's very difficult.
Meryl Lumboy-My situation is similar and I know it's difficult to really cut off someone you have feelings for. And, so funny, the same thing has happened to me in the past where I would delete his texts, tell myself I am done and then BAM he would contact me and I'd be back in his web...But soon after he would start w/ the same neglect crap. Like you I need to be firm w/ my decision to finally FINALLY be done w/ this nonsense.
Been there, done that got the T-Shirt. I know it is very hard to burn the bridge but we just have to. If it already starts out like this, while not even starting anything really, imagine if you ever catch that person how he/she is going to behave in a relationship. You are better off without him/her (for now) and we all deserve someone who reciprocates exactly the same interest we are showing. Be strong an stop hurting yourself by inviting those people back into your life. Don't hate them but feel pity with them for what they must have been through themselves to become like this. They need to sort out their own issues and we, why we are still hanging on to someone who is not good for us. Stop looking at the past and what could have been. Set them free and live in the present. You can't change them but you can take the right actions in your own live and do the work needed so you will attract someone who is worth your time and affection. Once you are there, the universe will work it all out - be it with a new partner or eventually the guy/gal you never quite got. Just believe in it. Be strong!
Thank you, BlueWaffles83. I want to print what you wrote and hang it on my wall to read and keep me strong. What really sucks is I have to see this guy at work. It makes the situation much more difficult but I am so tired of the games, tired of feeling used, tired of his broken promises and empty words, tired of feeling like crap.
True story...I hadn’t heard from the guy i like and is often on my mind 😂 in two days. Was out running errands when this tall, handsome blonde comes into my line of vision. He very politely approached me and proceeded to apologize for bothering me but needed to tell me he thought I was beautiful and if I would be interested in going to dinner with him. I gave him my number and two hours later he left me a message wondering if I could go out the following night. I told him I was busy so we decided on next week. For the first time in a few weeks the original guy was nowhere on my mind 😂 completely gone. Literally 22 minutes after the new guy called me, out of nowhere the guy I like texts me, i was so so relaxed and laissez faire that I think he sensed it by some of his replies. I swear I truly believe this shift in energy thing. It had happened previously when I went on a date with someone new, had a lovely time and the very next day guy #1 is texting me. Put your energy elsewhere girls, whether it’s volunteering, a new hobby or saying yes to going on a date with a new guy, you never know who’s coming around the corner.
Catherine’s ASMR no, i let him know I just want to be platonic friends and that I wanted to just enjoy going out on dates with other men. He wasn’t happy and acted out for a couple of weeks but he still contacts me in an attempt to take me out on dates but I am enjoying dating new men too much. Still regularly talk to the tall blonde who is a pro rugby player but he lives abroad and although he asked me to be exclusive since our very first date I said no to that as well as long distance relationships are not for me. So I will see him whenever I travel to his country or he comes back, in the meantime we are getting to know each other without any pressure and I like it like that as I tend to run if things progress too quickly.
Find something that excites you. A passion, a hobbie, an achievement, a big goal, something that involves helping others, and put that as your your primary goal. 🌟 I love that advice.
I always thought fantasy was harmless to me, even providing me with a substitute for what I couldn’t have. I recently realized how harmful and painful it’s been to be indulging in these feelings. Much thanks for your excellent advice ✨🙏✨
This video is a life saver for me right now!! Gym and running, that is my focus from now on!! Thinking about this guy literally brings nothing but misery and sadness, but the gym and running positively effect me!! Everytime he pops into my head, I'm just gunna say gym and run (as crazy as that sounds) lol!!
I recently have this feelings for my co-worker. I soon realized after a while that she never even interested in me. Not in the slightest and that she actually grossed with the thought of me really into her. Then I try to get into my old hobby, which is drawing that makes me happy. Also planning on starting to make soaps, possibly for business. Things have never went so well for me in life. Like a great weight lifted. The key, I think is to find that spark in your life again. Kinda like the one you see in Disney's Soul. The idea that makes you alive, makes you feel happy even from the simplest thing. If we can just take a moment, and live every second for what makes us love ourselves, and not with some unhealthy obssession over someone who don't care about you.
Yes lol with my ex if he was my ex and I was sad after few weeks felt better and honestly nobody knew this but when I shaved my legs because I felt good again he always began texting me.
@@fleurdelys6102 hahah no he just always contacted me when I had done it very strange. Like when I was sad I didn't shave than when I finally felt better I shaved my legs and than he called again. I tested it when I found out and it was so ahahaha
This was my way of thinking too but i came to the realisation that if i don't let go i'm just investing even MORE time than before into nothing so it's better to stop than add and get nothing in return
Gosh how I wish we could meet each other in real life and all be friends to listen and understand each other bc I FEEL THE EXACT SAME WAY!! I became way too attached since we were good friends for many years and she was my crush but ever since January of this year she became so distant and now she no longer looks for me like before…. Turns out She’s now into someone from work and she hangs out with all our mutual friends except me like damn… I’ve tried reaching out since I heard she was struggling with issues but what’s the point if she constantly drowns my attempts? I ended up having more anxiety too. I’m so disappointed in letting myself become so attached to the point that everything I wanted to do was because I always had her in mind in doing those things with. Like i let my life revolve around her and i don’t know how I’ll be able to forgive myself in letting that happen. So now I’m just trying to let go and focus on myself which seems Impossible to do right now. Anyway, how are you guys doing so far? I really hope you all get to find happiness within yourselves in your respective journies:)
Anyone else watch this crying because of how frustrated they are with their own mind because you feel like you've lost your own mind and lost yourself just because of this one person that drives your heart crazy? 😓
So true- removing them from our energetic billboard serves us best as it makes us feel more centered in own life and can spurr "the other " to reach out as they miss our energy feeding them
Thank you Susan for this other great video. Just adding to GalacticWoman's comment: but if they reach out, they'll come back in our system even more powerfully because it's less fantasy and more real. I find that hard to handle. Also, about finding a passion, or a new hobby to center our energy on something else: that too is a great advice, however, after a while, I find I get pround of my new achievements and of course, who do I want to share them with? Haha that's really tough :) Thank you again! It's still very useful advice to hear. Best.
@@SusanWinter hard to stop thinking the man that never promise me anything but the bad thing I'm falling for him can't stop messaging him or call.him to.the point he blocked me or ignored me I feel that I'm being over to my limit hope u help me😢
Yes! My health and well being is more important than any person. Also healing and reflecting. Stop chasing ppl, especially these narcissistic types. Who only play mind games and lead you on.
I was a big mess more than a month ago. Everywhere I went, all I could think about was him and I thought it was just in movies that you see other people as him but it also happened 😂. It was ridiculous and painful. I learned to take in the pain and continue my life with it. I experienced chest pains for more than a week after days of breakdown then numbness came after. I'm way better now. I still think about him most hours of everyday, but the feelings is starting to be less intense day by day. I made progress today by waking up and not thinking about him first. Thank you for this video. These are things that we sometimes know, but we still need someone else to slap us with it so that we can wake up.
I am dealing with this kind of situation right now and unfortunately I cannot work on my thesis I'm about to graduate in a few months and it distracts me from my goal I hate it.
1) find something in your life that is more exciting than this person. A passion, a hobby, and achievement. A big goal, helping others. The only way to find your own happiness and your own groundness on things that are more tantalizing than your obsessions. We are creatures of habit.
The good news is if moving on doesn’t wake them up to the extent you want, you’ll soon forget their asses anyway. Your life is now too fun to keep their memory
I once thought about someone who had hurt me very badly, every seconds of my days and fast forward 5 months after the breakup i couldnt care less if he died in a ditch somewhere. Time heals. Be patient and be kind to yourself. You'll forget this person you came to this video for ! :-)
When the cons outweigh the pros, remind yourself of the cons, deal breakers, disrespect, and toxic treatment that was put on you. It takes time to heal just take it one day at a time and do anything and everything that will make yourself happy no matter how small. Get out of that comfort zone and talk to other men/ women. You WILL be ok. Remind yourself ❤️
i recall one obsession i had and i finally asked myself "what does this woman want from me"? (in the knowledge that I had received nothing but anxiety, pain etc for my efforts) I answered the question myself and of course the answer was nothing, from that moment on things changed dramatically and almost overnight my obsession to all intensive purposes vanished, the grim truth is no matter what we do, what we look like, what 'gifts' we give them, and despite any amount of mental and physical energy we devote to this 'target of our desires/obsession' if the spark (on their part) is not there nothing will ignite it. many thanks for your wisdom Susan.
That's not strictly true. When you walk away (no contact) they will remember the effort you put into them. When you meet someone who returns your interest, they will wonder what they missed in you. Let them wonder! They had their chance, and proved they were not worthy of your attention! Never say never.
This is exactly what I needed to hear! There’s a war in my head with these excessive thoughts ugh. But I’m so glad that I found your channel! I don’t need him on my mind 24/7 especially during this quarantine 😂
I was obsessed with this dude for 7 years. He never even knew I existed. I set plenty of goals, ended up competed in figure skating and learned classical guitar. Nothing ever helped my obsession. Nothing. Then he died and I'm just trying to figure out why I'm crazy. Oh well.
I was so glad you mentioned that item at the end about energy and people feeling your energy. That’s one of those situations no one can prove but I believe is true.
The last part of this totally blew my mind. It made total sense. It made more sense than the belief that if you are constantly thinking about someone it's likely that they are also thinking about you. I've never been convinced of that. For the past 6 months I think about this person every single day. I think about our past, what could've been, how much I'm hurt and still sad. I want to stop bc I accept that it has become an obsession that is not healthy and does not serve me. Not that any obsession is healthy. I now understand that by obsessing about this person they are connected with my energy. I am feeding them a part of me which means they are constantly surround by me without even knowing it. I don't care to remove myself so that they'll return but it makes sense that once I stop they'll probably feel a sense of loss or just feel like energetically we are no longer bonded. I'm glad I found this video. I will begin my new journey today. TY ❤️
Yea I’m kinda obsessed with a guy at work , but I’m know it’s impossible to act on it so I’m kinda obsessed , but I’m learning that I need to come back to reality and just need to move on with my life and as said in this video focus on goals and other things that make me happy … Update : I decided to leave my job because I felt that mentally it was not healthy for me to stay there since I couldn’t have the person I wanted so I think I made the decision to leave although it was very hurtful I knew it was the best thing for me to continue with my life .
It's especially hard in quarantine,..when you can't see the person you love in person, and they decide to move on, It just drives you nuts!!!!. You keep texting, chatting, and thinking about them finally losing your mind. We must never attach to a person beyond which we can't come back!.
It’s quite interesting what you are saying about the energy. I noticed my last crush would text me back once i would stop thinking about her. Like she would feel the pressure Thanks for your advices
For me it helps to realize that being in love is basically just a hormonal chaos. So get ur hormons normal again and its gone. Get ur serotonin up and ur high dopamin down
Sometimes I want to move on and sometimes I don’t. Either way, I know it’s horrible for my mental health and I need to do something about it so I can be more stable.
This video is so good. This has worked for me. Shift your focus to obsess over something else, a positive, something for you. Also she mentions you’re obsessing over a result happening in the way you want it, it might happen for you but just not how you expect. But it won’t happen until you stop. It’s like you find your keys when you stop looking for them 💁♀️🌸
Your constant output is feeding them! This hit me hard. Very accurate and will ofcourse help me in controlling these obsessive thoughts. Thanks a bunch! You are amazing!😊
Susan, love your very practical advice. Breaking the cycle of obsessive thinking isn't something other relationship consultants tackle. You're a treasure.
I so needed this today. I know I need to let this person go but there's something holding me back. I thought to myself today that I'm letting my emotions overcome me and not thinking rationally. I know what I need to do and I just have to do it. I have to be brave and stop holding on to a "what if". I know my worth and HE is definitely NOT WORTH ME. Actions do speak louder than words!!!!!!
Sometimes obsessing over someone can be entertaining as long as it doesn't interfere with sleep or other important functions. I'm obsessed with someone I see - knowing she looks at me only as a friend. Everyone needs someone special in their life and the mind creates that even if it's not there. I'm content with the relationship as it is - until the real one comes along
Same here. Even when I get up in the night to use the bathroom he comes into my mind. We had the worst kind of non relationship for 5 years and I was miserable because he was just so unavailable and arrogant.
All the facts about mental obsession is true with me .I have all the signs like can't sleep,keep memorizing about the person.This really helped me a lot....
I definitely agree with the energy aspect of this , I feel like I am feeding them my energy with my thoughts , and as soon as I’m away from them they must feel it because they don’t feel that energy that I give them . So yes very brilliant fact !!
I’m convinced RU-vid is reading my mind because this was recommended to me completely randomly at a time I really needed it! Great advice thank you Susan ❤️
Thank you so much! I'm a bad obsession person. Broken childhood, dad wasn't there story. But, I have been getting better. This really helps me. Biblically its called strongholds. Thanks again.
I've been trying for more than six months to get over this person! I couldn't! It's literally breaking my heart into pieces! It might be true that my mental obsession is his source of energy! But I really don't know how could I possibly deal with this!
Replacing this obsession with any passion and habits is true! I did this and it worked! I used overthink about some one but then I distracted myself towards my study and daily routine! Just try to keep your focus in current moment, if you realized that you are thinking about " that" person then just try to observe the things and shapes front of you, observe their outline then slowly you will get back to your senses and this trick also worked for me
