How to Tell Someone Could Be a Great PARTNER: Watch for These Signs

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You've heard of red flags, but what are the signs that someone might be a great partner? In this video I list what I call "green lights" - the signs that someone has what it takes for a good relationship.
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Опубликовано:

28 сен 2024

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Комментарии : 445

@apoenaabreu257 2 года назад

I think we are sometimes unwilling to get clear of what we want because we were taught not to "idealize" anything. Just try pulling the "perfect partner" talk in a group of people to watch how quickly everyone will make fun of you for having unreasonable demands. "Unreasonable demands" such as kindness, respect, loyalty and a decent grasp of hygiene lol

@bethmoore7722 2 года назад

What they consider unrealistic is just expecting decent behavior. When I find myself painstakingly explaining why you don’t do things that hurt people, I know I’m on a fool’s errand.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

Exactly, such a great point! -Cara@TeamFairy

@stephanyhalo592 2 года назад

I was taught to idealize. I saw my mom put my angry step dad on a pedestal and as a severely codependent person, before recovery, I was in one sided relationships with abusive men but I had a fantasy of who they were and denied who they truly were. Denial was my biggest codependent behavior.

@bitchenboutique6953 2 года назад

Right! And there’s a big difference between “perfect” and “perfect for me.”

@bethmoore7722 2 года назад

@@stephanyhalo592 I felt sorry for them, while they were being merciless toward me, and for a long time, I really did think it was me. Then I thought about it. I don’t hurt people to get a reaction. I don’t lie about my feelings or my actions, or try to embarrass people in public. I have my partner’s back. Why would I settle for less than that from a partner?

@Sunmoonandstars123 2 года назад

1) you’re attracted to them, they show you they’re attracted to you. 2) they’re not dating anyone. 3) it’s clear that they want to go on a date. If its not a date, don’t go on a 2nd one. 4) they demonstrate an interest in getting to know you - they don’t just talk about themselves or anything besides you. 5) they listen to you, and they understand you. 6) they make their interest in dating you clear. 7) they’re open about themselves and what they’re looking for in a relationship. 8) are they logistically available? They don’t live long distance or are unavailable and you rarely see them. 9) they treat you and others with kindness. 10) they’re honest. 11) they’re considerate when making plans with you. 12) you feel good and uplifted when you’re dating them, like a better version of yourself.

@Downstream33 2 года назад

Thank you for this recap! Hahaha I came on comments because I knew someone had to have given the glance version in bullet points! Hahaha 👍🏼👍🏼

@Sunmoonandstars123 2 года назад

@@Downstream33 I missed 4 because I didn’t finish the video, but they’re all there now! I always check for a recap :)

@joycarolline 2 года назад

The 12 is the most difficult to find

@ST-rj8iu 2 года назад

Number 1 seems to be the hardest. You cannot make yourself be attracted to someone. It can grow over time, but many people won't take the time.

@sandym4317 2 года назад

Thanks for the Cliff Notes!

@uteb.3298 Год назад

I would add a number 13. How do you feel AFTER they leave when you shared time and activities. Sometimes the biggest moments of clarity whether the other is a great match arrive once I’m back in my own energetic space. If I suddenly feel a drop in energy and depleted then it’s a red flag.

@shikhag5326 6 месяцев назад

I agree. This has been my go to technique as I struggle to understand how I feel about somebody when I am with them.

@MissViki96 6 месяцев назад

So true. The 5th point however somehow involves this, I‘d say. If you feel heard/Seen by a Person and they really understand you, it is quite the opposite of an energy vampire

@DoodleWrite 2 года назад

Greenlights is a great book. One big, important, critical green light that the guy I’m currently dating does is that he respects my boundaries. I set the pace. He doesn’t mind that I “put on the brakes” because he tells me that he respects me. And he always acts in accordance with what he says. I’ve always dated guys who disrespected me (stood me up, saw my boundaries as a red flag, put me down, love bombed and withheld if I did something they didn’t like) and this is so different. It even highlighted the ways in which I was dysfunctional (insecure, jumped to conclusions/rumination/doom thinking) and because he knows I have a terrible dating history (as did he), he and I are patient enough to work through it together. It’s a little foreign, but it’s great.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

Great job! -Cara@TeamFairy

@schenelle79 2 года назад

I am having a similar experience, and have had a similar past. There's green lights everywhere just my attraction towards him seems to me more of a slow burn rather than the obsessive chemisty of the past. I'm hoping my attraction will continue to grow towards him.

@nicksyb5920 2 года назад

This is a brilliant one. Some of the original ones could be red flags if they’re overdone. But someone who is lovebombing you almost always fails to respect your boundaries at some stage!!!

@Lavenderrose73 Год назад

@@nicksyb5920 ...or just goes from hot to cold with no warning, like one man did. He never compromised my boundaries (those long, lingering hugs never bothered me, at least not with _him)_, but he turned cold on me and when I wrote a letter to him telling him I felt hurt and asking what I did and saying I cared about him and stuff, he went to a mutual friend and told her I was "obsessed with him" and she took his side, eventually resulting in a falling out with both of them. At least she saw his true colors eventually, and she and I later patched things up (after almost 2 years of silence between her and me because I wouldn't speak to her anymore). She's my next door neighbor, and we are friends to this day but he's out of the picture. Just as well.

@patriciaalbertson5183 5 месяцев назад

Always go slow... Character takes time to feret out

@dawnmelton3013 2 года назад

The manipulators are really good at the "who are you'' part, so you still have to be careful.

@sommermckenzie6411 2 года назад

I just finished listening to this video twice and then I left the house on errands. Within minutes an attractive man got out of his car in a parking lot to tell me he was single and was very interested in taking me for coffee, and asked if I was available too. I drove away laughing out loud and I’m still smiling hours later. I’m intent on doing relationships right from now on, and I thank you so much Anna for what you do!

@alison8606 2 года назад

I'm happy for you, that's wonderful 😊

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

Hilarious! -Cara@TeamFairy

@schenelle79 2 года назад

😆🤣 How fabulous! And funny! He "got" your vibe through the car!

@yuk498 2 года назад

What did you tell the guy though? ;-)

@talesfromtheroad9530 2 года назад

We need the continuation of this story!!

@NatalieZii 2 года назад

Totally agree. My therapist suggested I make a list of needs I have in relationships when I was in the middle of deciding whether to break up with my ex and it has been a total game changer for me. It is so good for codependents, people pleasers and those with low self worth ( poor boundaries) to make explicit to themselves what their needs and standards are and WHY. That reflecting on the why part especially allows you to stick to your boundaries and not invalidate yourself. A major why I often list is “I offer this and I don’t deserve less than I give”. I’m at a point in my life now that I actually have on my list of needs that a potential partner would also have self aware standards of compatibility for their relationships. Because that means someone has put thought into who they are and what makes a relationship really work for them. They’re looking out for long term compatibility and the emotional safety of both parties. There’s just a maturity to that vs feeling needy/ lonely and entering a relationship with someone for more shallow reasons and just seeing where it goes (most likely badly). And yes that’s how you lose years of your life to misery trying to make something incompatible work.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

Thanks for sharing this experience. -Cara@TeamFairy

@creallyreal 6 месяцев назад

"The emotional safety of both partners." Yes!!

@lynneivison5773 Год назад

Best advice I ever heard - make yourself the kind of person you r looking for. Stops lots of fantasizing

@onelife7247 2 года назад

These are really basic requirements yet far too many MARRIED men think they’ve a right to pursue single women. As if we need their marital drama in our lives?!? Ambiguity is also a major turn-off

@seemoore57 2 года назад

I needed you literally 50 years ago. You're doing great work. Best wishes

@stephanyhalo592 2 года назад

Another great video. I personally will not ever get online again. As someone with trauma, I developed codependency and love addiction. I attract enough narcissists in real life. I think online dating can be very dangerous for someone who can’t be alone. It’s full of too many predators. When we fully love and accept ourselves, we have the boundaries to move on quickly. Matt Hussey says you have to trust yourself. Maybe you can’t trust the other person, but as long as your willing to walk away when there’s a red flag rather than rationalize it, then you’re good to go.

@ratherboutside2 2 года назад

I’d like to add another one: Listen to what their friends and family say about them

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

Good one! -Cara@TeamFairy

@natalievitrano8251 6 месяцев назад

Unless their friends are their flying monkeys....@@CrappyChildhoodFairy

@monaebreak561 2 года назад

Come to think about it.... my crush has never asked anything about me. 🤔

@bwenluck9812 2 года назад

@Monae Break I would call that a red flag.... 😉 Keep your options open!

@personne3837 2 года назад

Last year i met someone on holidays, it was infatuation but i didn't know then.. I remember being so curious about him but he never cared to ask me question about my life. All that matter to him was how can I help him build his website (i told him i will make it for him because I wanted him to see me as a good girl 🤡) after 1 month i started to notice his true color, he was a narcissist and i was a codependent woman. Bottom line, if they aren't curious about your life, ditch them. Don't waste your time for people who don't care about your life, your dreams, your passion 🙏

@orangewater1777 2 года назад

"Getting to decide what you want"...

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

Right?!?!? -Cara@TeamFairy

@Kurpify Год назад

I really appreciate this video. As a guy I don't think I was often encouraged to think about greenlights in potential partners. Gonna use this to hopefully help keep myself on track and avoiding unhealthy infatuation.

@oneoftheninetynine3953 Год назад

BTW, the following is total hearsay and just my experience: if you are curious about how someone is going to treat you in future in the relationship; find a way to go to a restaurant with them. Everything about that experience is exactly what it's going to be like as long as you're together, especially sex. If he picks a lousy restaurant, is rude to waiters, wolfs down his food then gets impatient while you eat, 'hates' too many types of food, drinks too much, picks at his food or takes forever to order, -and- watch the good habits they display also, are they generous, know their wine list, got a good table, etc? -might outweigh the rest. It's a bit of urban folklore maybe, I can tell you that every single bf I had plus my ex lived true to this system. Don't cook them dinner or vice versa because they will act differently as a guest or on their own turf, something about restaurants brings out this telling behavior. I know this sounds overly simple but just try it.

@elainewells7322 Год назад

I am a marriage counselor and relationship coach, and I'd say that Anna gives very good and detailed advise. Thanks for providing this service. It is especially important for folks who can't afford a therapist or can't get an appointment right away.

@katfayegarrett3872 8 дней назад

Yes!❤

@carist.quentin2042 2 года назад

When is the right time to let people in emotionally? If I have had a history of oversharing too soon, what are the correct boundaries to have? Could you possibly do a video on this?

@USMCCGAGNG 2 года назад

I'd like to see a study on plants. If a person can keep plants alive are they a better partner?

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

That's funny. I can't actually keep a plant alive but I hope I'm a good partner these days :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@irisrose4732 2 года назад

See, this is what I need, a manual with step by step instructions, so to speak. Keep it coming, we need this.

@Mockduck2020 2 года назад

I think we all do. We live in a very dysfunctional society and that is mostly what we pass on.

@NikkiEdmunds Месяц назад

You are so correct. I have never been clear on what I want. As a result, I constantly fall into a negative pattern of attracting undesirable relationships. It’s a harrowing experience every time I get into destructive relationships. Now, I’m really more aware of so much. You are phenomenal when it comes to your videos. Keep going.

@felicitygrace5113 Год назад

I never knew. Never made lists of what i want or value. Just was. Needless to say most relationships were not good. At age 48 -49 figuring it all out. Self discovery journey. And i now have a list I am refining. 👌💕

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Amazing! We're rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@karanhdream Год назад

Sometimes just knowing what you *don't* want is a good start. I struggle with emotional attachement, as in it feels as though I'm incapable of it even if I want it. So I don't know what I want... I made a list of behaviour/red flags of things I do not want and it helps. The list isn't long but it covers a large base of red flags I never want in my life again : passive-agressive behaviours, apparent impatience and no capacity for introspection.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Glad you're here and healing. You can also try Anna's free Daily Practice. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. Writing is part of the practice so you might find it helpful too bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

@jessicagomez2936 2 года назад

The road map to what to look for is positive and you focused on that.

@lovenothate 2 года назад

I just found your channel today and have alreeady learned so much. My mother,a narcisist, was my abuser. It has taken so much to let go of that past but I”m getting there!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

Excellent! -Cara@TeamFairy

@theshunnedBandersnatch 2 года назад

Really happy to see a positive video with practical steps. I stopped to think through my interactions with a current crush (with whom I've shared my feelings - no secret obsessions!) and note the positive things I see in her. Gives me a framework for future interactions with others, too. Thank you!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

Excellent! -Cara@TeamFairy

@Bluemoonjellyfishh 2 года назад

Super coincidental, that you post this just as I have gotten romantically involved with someone 😭😭😭 Bless you, your intuition must’ve know it’d be a good time to make this or somethin’ 😳

@acquadiamore 2 года назад

Thank you, Anna! Great content. I think it may be good to point out that sometimes those of us with the best of intentions can get nervous around someone we like and talk all about ourselves, freeze up & not ask anything, or share too much. So… can it be good to give people multiple tries before writing them off? Or is that trying to crap-fit?

@carolinaladybutterfly8528 2 года назад

This is so true. I have been on both side's. I do believe. We have to be patient with our selves as well as with others🦋

@FriendofDorothy 2 года назад

I am currently seeing someone who is closed as a clam emotionally but treats me with respect and is a "slow burn" with everything but sex. There are no bad vibes or drama, he is just slow to open up and I sense some tragedy or sadness maybe related to his family or possibly a previous BF.. Two wives, children, LOTS of water under the bridge but he's gay like me. (MORE gay than me in some ways despite having been married twice to women!,, LOL,). I am giving him time, but I have set an unspoken timeline before I have a talk with him and maybe end it. He is otherwise what I like and am seeking and I am trying to give him some time. We are all imperfect and most of us have been burned. I am not tossing this fish back into the sea yet, I am giving him time to trust, but there is a timeline, he just doesn't know that. As I am unable to have sex repeatedly with someone w/o starting to care and develop feelings I guess that will also be the end of a beautiful erotic connection. This stuff isn't easy...

@kathyingram3061 Год назад

~Well, i caught him in 2 lies in less than 6 weeks~Honesty is sooo important to me~I even told him that bummed me out~(sigh)~

@tjrothausen 2 года назад

Love the list of positive signs. Such great reminders!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

Glad you like them! -Cara@TeamFairy

@davidwo2284 2 года назад

Hello Teresa how are you doing today How's everything going?

@Missgevious 2 года назад

I have never met anyone single who has 60% of these signs in my past 2 decades trying!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

Sounds like your hanging out in social circles where you no longer belong. Time to move up!

@margaretcampbell2681 2 года назад

Yes I agree about someone who you are interested in you.

@davidwo2284 2 года назад

Hello Margaret how are you doing today How's everything going?

@margaretcampbell2681 2 года назад

@@davidwo2284 I’m good how are you going?

@davidwo2284 2 года назад

@@margaretcampbell2681 my name is David Greg I'm originally from Norway but currently living in Miami Florida what about you?

@davidwo2284 2 года назад

@@margaretcampbell2681 hi 👋

@slaveofgod7921 2 года назад

Thanks, I was wondering if you can talk about a mother wound specifically rejection from a mother , instead of relationship with men, I noticed I always attracted toxic female friends, even limerance idolizing a friend.. I know in way of I was searching for motherly figure in friend. TY🙏🏼☀️

@kimberlybanks-brown7525 Год назад

I really appreciate the candid, brief, practical aspects of it. I’d love to hear a video like this in regards to polyamorous folks.

@DockClock-rp2ro Год назад

Polyamory itself is likely a symptom of an attatchment disorder. Fixing your BPD or cPTSD will likely make functional relationships easier, and make longevity in relationships easier. Source: "Cuckolding and Troilism: definitions, relational and clinical contexts, emotional and sexual aspects, and neurobiological profiles. A complete review and investigation into the borderline forms of the relationship: Open Couples, Polygamy, Polyamory".

@kimberlybanks-brown7525 Год назад

@@DockClock-rp2ro Interesting perspective that Polyamorous is the manifestation a disorder.

@meredithjones3234 7 месяцев назад

12 of 12! but we have not said it out loud yet

@innergoddess447 2 года назад

Hi person with cptsd here tarot has helped changed my life taught me boundaries and you decide what I want and don't want

@YogaWithSalad 2 года назад

I think it's next level when you start asking what life wants from you instead of telling life what you want. We tend to manifest based on our ego needs but when we surrender and genuinely ask life that question then things unfold beyond our wildest dreams.

@Norton57 2 года назад

Funny you mention the "green light" vs the red flags - I started doing this thing where I call out a "blue flag:" the last one I noticed was when I was calmly watching a bird on a branch one morning, for example. The guys I fall for are a series of blue flags, then suddenly I come out of my fog, notice all the green lights, and freak out. Someone here mentioned being taught to not feel entitled to want anything and I relate to that. Maybe if I collect enough blue flags the green lights might not startle me so much!

@moirosalina Год назад

My husband of ten years and I didn't check any of these.. we were such a mess. But we have both come a long way. We are still learning though. But then again; we both want to. Also for our daughter. As long as I can feel the motivation AND progress in both of us, I think we're doing okay. And I trust that. I don't know what is good enough in general, and I still find it difficult to discern sometimes wether it's my past or present wich causes me to feel a certain way; I might also put too much pressure on us to be happy all the time.. But I know that our kid is blossoming (finally) so I think we're doing okay as a family

@abc111xyz 7 месяцев назад

What a great synchro... have replied to a relationship annonce some minutes ago. AND my reply includes in short also my clear vision of a WINNING WE and my clear expectations of my next partner ... using GREEN FLAGS 💗☮️💞 My response is the result of some months of "homework" ... Thank you for your video.... will watch it again as prep for our first date.... I trust the Universe.

@erinmarks4079 2 года назад

Your hair looks so pretty 🍓 thank you for all your kind content … I’m learning so much

@astrudlang7557 Год назад

Thank you so much for this honest helpful content, your sincere care and compassion. You explain everything so well and to the point! ( sidenote: I really like your Stile of clothes and makeup on this video- it’s so harmonious and seems to fit your type perfectly…❤)

@belongingembodied77 6 месяцев назад

Question on the one about them being respectful and kind. What if there are important family members in your life that don't get along with your significant other/your significant other doesn't get along with them?

@SomeBody-ce3gq 2 года назад

10:33 While I'm looking for someone in my city, I don't think LDRs are doomed altogether. What do you think, fairy, are they doomed?

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

Just be aware there's greater danger of limerence and magical thinking- especially dangerous for CPTSD -Cara@TeamFairy

@SomeBody-ce3gq 2 года назад

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thanks for responding!

@Freefolkcreate Год назад

Ex rants are such a red flags

@corinneyaworski-mh9uc Год назад

After listening to this, I feel silly because my LO has me thinking he's superior or I think that. But he talks about other women! I don't even know if he has a girlfriend! Yet I do anything I can to lift up his ego, and I've done this for a long time. I'm always pining for him. It makes me feel like I have a purpose in life, if he needs me. But him with ADHD, and he does not want to acknowledge it, his life is an absolute mess, like mine is emotionally. What a pair. So much emotional energy on him, stressed out. He has friends but I don't see a lot of people. He helps me sometimes do practical things. Fix things, etc. He helps a lot of people. I'm so worn out. Thanks for listening.

@MinkasTNR 2 года назад

This is one of my favorite videos. I appreciate it so much.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

Glad you enjoyed it! -Cara@TeamFairy

@patriciaquaglia1795 2 года назад

What do you think about two ppl with childhood PTSD dating?

@leahc8347 2 года назад

I had basically all those green lights when I was dating (but what I found out later, the meaning through a therapist, the term narcissist...) in the first couple of months. Im not sure exactly why everything flipped on its head. At first I thought it was something about me. And I know Im not perfect, I thought I found someone very special who would always in some degree be in my life. It hurts so bad.

@dsb1080 2 года назад

I went through the same thing, I felt so blessed and lucky until I didn't. I honestly felt like we made eachother better ( I for a fact wanted to be the best version of myself and I felt encouraged to be so, I started therapy, going to the gym, eating healthy etc). About 4mos in it flipped the first time and flags of unavailability showed up (went from talking to me as clearly more than a friend to being just friendly), but not as bad as in the end. All this time a lot of verbal reassurence happened. After 6 mos he told me he's still not over his ex but that he needs time. I reluctantly agree (big mistake). Idk what I've done so wrong in that time, but after 3 more months the discard happened and it was horrible. I was called selfish for having feelings and many other things, it was traumatic to say the least. I am 3 months no contact and I still cry everyday. So many promises and beautiful emotions expressed for almost an entire year went down the drain like they were nothing.

@leahc8347 2 года назад

@@dsb1080 Speachless 💔. I relate.

@theboyisnotright6312 5 месяцев назад

I dont see the point of even worrying about something that won't happen. My dating life started by a group of 9th grade girls flirting with me and see if i bite. When i did they humiliated me by copying and posting everywhere in school my "love" letters. Well it was nice to find out early what women were like. I just withdrew, i dont care to be the butt of the joke. Now im to old for such things.😊

@micheleann6099 2 года назад

I LOVE your eyeglasses!

@TARIQLES Год назад

You are changing my life!! Thanks a lot!!

@brittenharmon6911 6 месяцев назад

Total couple goals!!!! This is the best! Love it and congrats to you both!

@HouseOfAliShali 3 месяца назад

The last guy was a 9/12… still looking. Thank you

@stacey4013 2 года назад

These are golden nuggets. Thank you so much! ♥️

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

Glad you like them! -Cara@TeamFairy

@MarieJonkers-gz7cz Год назад

God bless you for the wonderful help. Ìm on a new life journey thanks to your help. 😊

@sue6307 8 месяцев назад

He's all of these but at #6 I realize he may still be in healing mode. On date number 9 I expressed my This fondness for him and told him I did not want to date anyone else. He said that the idea of commitment would scare him away completely and that we need to go really really slow. But we have had 9 dates in a month. And up until I mentioned it everything was great. I hope everything continues to be great. I hope I did not scare him. But I am glad to hear You say that I had every right to approach that topic. He was very much like, it's way too early to talk about things like that.

@catsaberhagen5266 2 года назад

Meet in real life activities that you love. Look for green lights. Feeling attracted to each other and they show you they are attracted. They are not in another relationship. One of you suggested a get together sometime. Go as friends but no second date unless clear a date. 4. Demonstration of want to know about you? 5. Listen and understands you and get you. Make it clear of interest in you for a date. Open and honest , looking for a relationship, not drama or trauma in early relationship. Live near me. Treat you and everyone else with kindness and respect. Honest. Considerate with plans call when they say show up on time. How do you feel when your dating them.

@bitchenboutique6953 2 года назад

General things to look for that are HEALTHY are the things we tend to forget about because we’re too focused on stuff like how tall someone is or what color hair they have! Plus I spent so many years creating a list of what I didn’t want (every failed relationship taught me a new thing to avoid… often things like “don’t date a guy who doesn’t wear a watch” that other people thought were crazy but made perfect sense to me) I only knew that what I thought I wanted was a bad idea… when I finally met my husband I described him as “everything I never knew I always wanted”

@modernjuliet247 10 месяцев назад

I don’t entirely agree about the only in person part I met my boyfriend online we are meeting for the first time in dec for Christmas. He is a walking green light he literally is all of these signs. He is so kind and thoughtful. He is my best friend and my love. As a person with CPTSD and severe childhood trauma he’s very patient even with I have breakdowns he take criticism and works on himself. He’s really amazing. I may be gushing but if you knew my dating history you’d know. I never knew I’d ever find good healthy love but here we are. He’s seriously into me. 6:44

@Cottage-Reader 2 года назад

Hi Anna, I'm a new subscriber. I like this list you've created, do you have one for finding healthy friends? I can use some of what's on this list. However if you have one for friendship I would love that!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

Great topic idea! -Cara@TeamFairy

@Cottage-Reader 2 года назад

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I would really appreciate it if you found the time to do so. Loneliness and isolation have become an extreme experience in this world these past few years. I would like to refine my skills in attracting healthier friendships. I've struggled between having realistic expectations and being "the call ya only when I'm bored friend." Having spent so much time alone due to world events. I've come to prefer it. Some friendships have faded out naturally which was for the best. I would like to have myself together to maintain the new friends to come into my life.

@ClassicalKaren 2 года назад

This person has all the green lights except they live in a completely different state an hour by plane ride. I met this person 10 years ago as only a friend. I've decided to move there to get to know them better. Also my home state has become very dangerous and scary so im not sad to leave.

@Gxport 7 месяцев назад

Can you talk about when in this time line physical intimacy is going to be emotionally safer?

@lenny2939 Год назад

Since my divorce in 2016 I decided to go after what I really want. My issue is I found a couple "good" relationships that lasted 3 and 2 years respectively that started off with me VERY CLEAR what I want however they either 1) misrepresented themselves or 2) misportrayed what they really want in life. Both these relationships were "healthy" compared to what I used to attract however BOTH were not speaking their truth as to what they wanted. I feel lost, disappointed and very unsure how to trust myself with the data I'm collecting and the red flags I may be missing.

@AutumnRoseWilliams 2 года назад

These green flag videos and the video that list the ways you know your healing are VERY helpful. It would be so visually helpful to see them listed out. Idk if that exist but just something to think about. I’ve listed them for myself.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

We have a blog post coming out this week on the green flags -- they'll be listed. If you're not on my mailing list, you can join it by downloading any of the free tools on the free tools page of my website crappychildhoodfairy.com

@deniszen1 2 года назад

It so true! I don't realy think about these aspects of a relationship.

@MoJoeShoMo 11 месяцев назад

The problem with online dating is that you're meeting for the first time and you're already on a date. That's not how any of the married people I know met. The saw each other for the first time and there was a spark. They went on a date after the attraction.

@melindamcdaniel2479 2 года назад

Oh my, thank you! Where has this information been? ??? I have so often thought and felt...impaired when it comes to this. What I grew up witnessing and inadvertently learning was SO incredibly codependent and unhealthy. And while I have worked diligently at UNLEARNING all that, learning the good to in its stead place...there's truthfully very little information out there. And one does not know until practiced. Thank you so much for this! #12 is so important. That is where my last few interests have shown me a lot. The last woman I asked to coffee and in that meeting asked if we could date. I expressed to her reasons I could see she would be a good choice - positive things regarding her character as a being on this planet. In return, she told me nothing good of myself. Rather, she said no and commenced to express things she views as negative or potentially negative or potentially problematic and triggering regarding me. It took me some time to fully process that interaction, especially considering it was not without kindness. I realized these things she expressed seeing in me, however accurate or inaccurate, are triggers for her due to her still healing over her ex-wife. And that I deserve someone who reflects the good in me; as I do them, however kind. It has been a little awkward and difficult for me. She and I have known each other a great while via both being singer/songwriters and having mutual music-scene friends and events, and we are drawn to one another. The information you've provided will help me regarding my path and heart, as I have one such event this very evening. 🙏

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

So glad to hear the information is helping you! -Cara@TeamFairy

@treznicek 2 года назад

What a lovely important post. Thank you from Jerusalem.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

Glad you enjoyed it! -Cara@TeamFairy

@Potatoslice 2 года назад

this video is rough for me. I'm trying to emotionally release myself from someone who gave me a dreadful amount of mixed signals then did some crappy stuff to basically just peel away from me without any communication or explanation.

@maryjoan4128 Год назад

Great advice, how often do we not listen to the signs and signal, like kids,, if they do not want children and you do,, believe them

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Absolutely! -Cara@TeamFairy

@yuk498 2 года назад

Hi Anna, if a guy says he did hard drugs during college, ecstasy, lsd, cocktail etc, just short of heroine....but is now sober... although he foes drink 4 glasses of beer during our dates.... should I be cautious of relapse?

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

Relapse means return to addiction. Many people have done hard drugs at some time in their lives but never became addicted. They stopped when they no longer wanted that experience. So if he no longer does drugs, there may be no issue in that by itself. But IMHO? Four drinks consumed regularly on dates points to an issue with alcohol. And in light of that, the history of drugs points to even more likelihood. A red flag.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

Good question and impossible to answer with such little info. Was college last year or 25 years ago? Are you noticing a personality shift when he drinks? Can he do an activity where no alcohol is involved? -Cara@TeamFairy

@yuk498 2 года назад

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you Anna. No, I see him very comfortable and being able to drive/cycle after beers. College was 20 years ago.

@jelemil 2 года назад

@@yuk498 what about without any beers. Thats what she asked.

@yuk498 2 года назад

@@jelemil We have just met a couple times.... no non meal activity yet. I will keep an eye on this.

@senorachampagne3991 2 года назад

So good!!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

Yay! -Cara@TeamFairy

@themajesticmagnificent386 8 месяцев назад

What I know about close relationships,you could write in crayon on the back of a stamp.!..So this was a good video to watch..Thank you.🇬🇧🇺🇸👍

@joldfashioned9736 10 месяцев назад

Not likely

@rubyanaya126 2 года назад

Thank you 😊

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

You're welcome 😊 -Cara@TeamFairy

@dg2517 6 месяцев назад

Thank you for sharing. You are changing lives

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 6 месяцев назад

You are so welcome! Thank you for being a part of our community here! Nika@TeamFairy

@indian.patterns 2 года назад

Thankyou🙏

@Uff-Da-Dog 7 месяцев назад

Ask them if they have a job. No Job, No Date!

@rosswardrop465 5 месяцев назад

My advice .Stay single.Only get used.I have been there.

@rebeccafleming5490 Год назад

But...how can I trust that men are being honest and not love bombing?

@DockClock-rp2ro Год назад

Longevity. If it is consistent and sustained, without narcissistic tendencies poking through, he probably likes you.

@thaisdeoliveira8483 Год назад

Thank you! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Thanks for watching :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@DR-vf9tr Год назад

Thank you!

@acfiTraining 5 месяцев назад

Hey beautiful childhood fairy. Wondering could you section this video up into 12 relationship points? because it would be wonderfully helpful for when we're dating to be able to quickly go to a point for quick clarity? 🧚 fairy please 🌺

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 5 месяцев назад

You can get the download listing these for free. it's available in the description section.

@irmamakrevski5652 Месяц назад

0:20 0:50

@mindinmybiscuits Год назад

So if you’re in a town where there are no activities you just have to move?

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

I mean, maybe. If your town is so small that there are literally no activities, then there probably aren't many new people to meet anyway (whom you haven't met already, that is). I grew up in a small town (in the pre-internet days) so I get it. I'd look to travel to nearby bigger towns once a month or every couple months to have a bigger social life or at least some variety in your life. If you can drive, you're lucky. If you can't or don't, maybe there are trains or buses connecting to bigger places. In most parts of the USA, there's "the dog" -- Greyhound buses. People look down on taking Greyhound because we have such a car-loving culture, but I've done it myself several times and it's really not so bad. If travel is absolutely not an option -- or even better, as a supplement to travel -- start connecting online. Our Fairy membership is online, and most 12-step support groups also have online meetings. Membership: bit.ly/CCF-Membership One 12-step option, ACA: adultchildren.org/ Julie@TeamFairy

@parler8698 10 месяцев назад

✔️

@MsBettyRubble 2 года назад

I remember watching Happy Days as a little kid. One of the characters - maybe Fonzi - had a list of traits he was looking for in a girl. I don't remember my comment. But my mother was instantly irritated with me and said, "who do you think you are to make a list? You're certainly not perfect. You'll be lucky to find anyone who even likes you." This was said to me even though I did everything I could to make her happy. She gave me the impression that only ppl who thought they were better than everyone else could ask for what they wanted. The rest of us should accept whatever was offered and be happy about it. Here I am decades later making a list. :)

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 2 года назад

A lot of people have a hard time making that list because of experiences just like that! -Cara@TeamFairy

@indian.patterns 2 года назад

Love to you

@FriendofDorothy 2 года назад

I don't know if your parents were same gen as mine but could someone please just say it? Post- WW2 parents were enchanted with materialism and money but their parenting skills sucked and they were focused on money and materialism. The hippies were right about that much. Your mom sounds like a negative person like mine was. They brought up kids like squirrels, not like developing humans. Not all, of course, but very common, I suspect a lot of Anna's patrons and fans on this forum are the babies of WW2 parents.

@jeantuite-actress--imdb Год назад

My Dad was like that and would say when I was just 8 or 9 years old: You'll probably never find the right person. He had ongoing negative tapes of all kinds he projected on to me.

@AT-pw9dx 8 месяцев назад

Good on you!! Mad respect!! You deserve good ( within reason ofcourse) on everything on that list ❤

@thecommonsensecapricorn 2 года назад

“they want to know about you” is the biggest one to me… everyone i’ve dated has been the type to never ask me anything about myself.. and when i shared about myself - the type to breeze past it and then start talking about themself again. i tend to get excited about people before i get to know them at all, but now the easiest way for me to gauge whether someone is a good match is if they ask me questions about myself. it’s simple and effective haha

@iyounghuang5433 7 месяцев назад

Yes, good one. ❤ Hint : be careful of people who want to know you to use it later for push your buttons or attack you. 😮

@NaeK188 7 месяцев назад

In my previous relationship, I had to ask him to ask about me… also ask him to check in with me like “how are you? What have you eaten?” I felt so annoying to have to ask such bare minimum things ugh!

@CupcakeChan2611 5 месяцев назад

Saaaame I only had one partner who was ever interested in me by asking questions and its a massive love language because I feel like I'm always the one asking

@alisonprendiville5484 2 года назад

🥰 Really nice to hear positive things to look for rather than focusing too much on what to avoid x

@VioletEmerald 2 года назад

That's exactly what I was thinking!

@awaken2yogawithvandanadill545 2 года назад

I agree! This is so helpful! My partner had all of these signs but I have a kid and he does not want a kid. So soul-crushing to let go but I realized it’s a deal breaker. I really want to be a family.

@baptizedbyfire13 2 года назад

Agreed, this perspective is refreshing. Everyone seems "boxed in" with being so busy identifying red flags to the point of it being "toxic". Employing "green light" perspective gives us a fair and unbiased judgment and helps to steer us away from trauma based discernment.

@USMCCGAGNG 2 года назад

"Worry not that no one knows you, seek to be worth knowing." -Confucius Be happy. People are attracted to happy people. Other people will not make you happy. "Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” - Bob Marley.

@akaiyanagiteru 2 года назад

Be careful of the love bombing. Just because someone is nice doesn't mean they are a good person. Anyone can be nice for 10 minutes. Take the time to know a person and always listen. If you let someone talk long enough they'll show themselves. Don't rush into a relationship, take it slow. No matter the situations or what happens, choose peace. Nothing is worth losing peace for so protect your peace.

@JonasAnandaKristiansson 7 месяцев назад

True Peace need no protection. Love needs to protection nor defense, only fear does. Om Shanti Om

@troycarpenter3675 5 месяцев назад

@@JonasAnandaKristianssonyeah ok

@joebloggs619 5 месяцев назад

If you hang around and study a man's behaviour long enough, any mask he is wearing will be lifted and you will see h is true colours and what he's really all about, which he may have previously tried to hide behind a fake facade. If you are perceptive and mentally sharp, you will spot his flaws mediately but it takes time to be sure. Of course, a few minor character flaws is no valid reason to dump him. Depends on how serious his flaws and what your own values are. Eg I can tolerate an honest, sincere but not brilliant guy who tries his best. But I would never tolerate a liar, cheat, user, deceiver type. I am not that way myself, so do not tolerate it from men. I can tolerate a bit of excessive out of control male behaviour, ranting and raving as some men do, as I had a father like that. But if it begins to threaten my own safety and security,sanity, peace of mind etc too, I simply cannot continue and cut him off. much

@simonelvins742 2 месяца назад

Love that . Nothing is worth losing peace for so protect your peace. So wise.

@cibertronx 11 месяцев назад

People will forget what you said, what you did, but they'll never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou.

@USMCCGAGNG 2 года назад

I've accepted the wrong partner all my life which has always left me wanting. At 58 I've finally met someone the checks all the boxes. It's a numbers game.

@vickysimpson3750 2 года назад

I’m so pleased for you 🌺

@inaratkhan7348 2 года назад

I am 28 and I have been told I have already ruined all my chances ! But I am glad for you ! ❤️

@VMorgenthaler-yp6yz 7 месяцев назад

I'm 69. Just got kicked to the curb 6 months ago, no notice given. Wonder if I'll laugh again someday, trust again. Stop feeling ashamed, embarrassed, humiliated by that relationship. You know what's nice about pets? They let you love them. It's just that simple. It's me and the cats now. It will have to be enough.

@erinmarks4079 2 года назад

I’m turning my relationship cab light on… for the first time in decades. Maybe just for one hour a day to start lol so grateful for you… I’m learning so much. I’ve already made positive changes in regards to friend relationships where I was accepting mere “crumbs” of respect or connection

@cgaynor79 2 года назад

The guy I just dated the last 3 months displayed all of these qualities, but almost over-the-top in some ways. Asked so many questions about me. Asked the waiter’s name when we were out. Always confirmed plans ahead of time, updated when late…etc. AND he also love bombed me. Future-faked me. Was too good to be true until he ended things suddenly. Another narcissist.

@mijuajua4820 Год назад

Same! He claims I helped him leave a bad marriage and he has never loved anyone the way he loves me but all the cloak & dager crap about what was going on with the divorce was just too much for me to bare😞 1st thing: make sure he is emotionally available!

@bluecat2741 2 года назад

I think, as I got older I became so picky ( because I always had partners who were really bad for me) that being a single woman with a cat is the best thing for me to do. 😆

@FriendofDorothy 2 года назад

So why not go to a cat convention of there is such a thing or offer to cat-sit for others? might be a start. Lots of men who love cats! Sometimes we just have to TRY and put ourselves out there; isolation will not help us met anyone. Watch more Anna if u can, she does not advocate isolation .Not being critical but there is a sad aura of surrender to your comment.

@simonelvins742 2 месяца назад

I want a cat so badly.

@BinTham 9 месяцев назад

Usually narcissists and sociopaths will check all these boxes and more. Mine kept his mask on for 3 years and it only began slipping after we got married. Until then he was the perfect boyfriend and fiancé. Any tips on how to bring out the hidden red flags?

@kellybockholt5641 5 месяцев назад

The narcissists I know tend to love bomb people and rush into intimacy by oversharing early on.

@iyounghuang5433 5 месяцев назад

How they treat others that they feel Inferior to them. How they perceive their family members.

@simonelvins742 2 месяца назад

I too have been with a narcissist. But I reckon there were indicators of his selfishness and bad temper early on. I dismissed them because he was incredibly good-looking and I was infatuated.

@francymurphy2887 2 месяца назад

My thoughts exactly narcissistic people are wonderful actors

@evedotcom 2 года назад

This was lovely to hear, especially as someone who feels ready to put themselves out there again after several years of healing on my own ☺️ I also liked how you talked about someone who was leaking out heavy emotional stuff early on, and that they might be in healing mode, simply not ready for a relationship. No added shame or harsh judgment there. I felt so much regret about doing this in the past. It hurt hearing people mention ‘crazy people who talk about their exes’. I was trying my best, still processing and healing. I wasn’t ready for a relationship, but I didn’t know that then. It’s okay. We are still worthy of kindness and respect.

@FreyaGem 2 года назад

I also liked hearing it be put in terms of "healing mode", because I realized I've done that, too. It's okay to not be ready and still be processing. As long as the other person doesn't take advantage of it.