@@Spartan-Of-Truth Moving to a move senior position in my workplace, I have discovered that it becomes almost mandatory to become like that a little bit. This is similiar to when you first learn the social cues, there is a pressure to know how to be social, how to hang out and interact with people normally. Simliarily, later in life there is a higher-tier pressure not only to 'be normal', but also to be able to get along and find common ground even with people who's very being is insulting to you. And don't get me wrong, the narcissistic types are the worst kind of people for me in particular, so it's not that I like it.
I love how jocko admits his mistakes as a young man. Trying to be tough... I’m 31 realizing how stupid I’ve been but, I learn from my mistakes and trying to be a better man everyday.
When I turned 30, I looked myself in the mirror and realized I never met any goal set for myself in my 20's.. I felt like a loser, I told myself I was a loser, but being able to accept that for myself, my 30's became the best years to grow and learn and really become a man. Sometimes we just have to admit to ourselves the truth in order to become better
"All these people out here who talk about how great they are, and I see it all the time, it makes me sick man. Get real with yourself, people cannot relate to you man, you are un-f*cking relatable. When you come out here and say hey man, I'm the baddest motherf*cker to ever live. Okay great, well what am I gonna learn from you? You learn from people who are willing to tell you, this is where I started from, this is how much I fell on my f*cking ass, this is how bad I used to be." - David Goggins
I've learned from listening to Jocko and applying his wisdom that the phrase "how can I help?" solves almost any conflict. Nothing disarms an adversary and puts my own ego in check like sincerely, humbly trying to help the person my ego views as a threat. If I can hold back my emotions and reactions (unattaching) long enough to think rationally, I can turn almost any situation into a positive learning experience (for all involved parties). In religion, politics, business, and interpersonal relationships, the ability to distinguish between literal threats and "non-factors" are the key to the success of your agenda. Thanks for the awesome info as always!!
The Owner's Manual--- that's a great policy; one you should never disavow. Changing my policies has always lead to a pitfall, and I wish I hadn't been so quick to compromise, looking back.
P/S, I was pleasantly surprised last week to find out that my teenage daughter listens to your podcasts. This is how I found out: I started playing one of your clips and she was in the room. She said, "Hey mom - is that the Navy Seal guy's podcast? You know him too 😲?" So you guys should know your reaching out to multiple generations and effectively changing lives for better!!!! Thank you for all you do.
Adding to your commentary : I'm myself a young woman and I think I started listening to Jocko when I was 19. Since then, I'm day after day building my life and myself the way I want, owning up to some of my mistakes (sure I have plenty more to own up to haha). What I like about him is that I don't feel like I'm listening to a guru of a cult who has a huge ego and tries to mould you into what he wants. Nah, Jocko can accept that someone will think different than him, he can also accept that he's a human, he makes mistakes. He's confident but down to earth unlike some of the "mentors" we can find of RU-vid who creep me out.
I have a boss I am forced to see first thing in morning and one thing ive realized is if you just treat them with kindness and don’t expect anything back from them.... you will win every single time because even when you just say good morning and they don’t respond... they think they are insulting you with not responding but if you know better and understand that them not responding is due to their own unhappiness then them not responding is you WINNING lol
@@nighthawkdutchchameleon9815 “If it’s true that thoughts, words and ideas locked-together create language patterns… and those language patterns carry a voice, a power and a vibrational frequency of intelligent energy? Then words can light fires in the minds of those who become enlightened of the internal reality that they are creating from day to day.” - Luke Picco www.IRONCLADCONFIDENCE.com
“If it’s true that thoughts, words and ideas locked-together create language patterns… and those language patterns carry a voice, a power and a vibrational frequency of intelligent energy? Then words can light fires in the minds of those who become enlightened of the internal reality that they are creating from day to day.” - Luke Picco www.IRONCLADCONFIDENCE.com
You should read how to win friends and influence people by dale Carnegie. One of the things he talks about is how sales people often fail because they focus on what they want instead of what the customer wants.
One of my instructors when I was in class to become a towercrane driver told me " you can be the best operator in the crane but if you do not know how to handle your ground crew or the people you serve, you will suck and not have a long career up there ". or you can mess up many times but if your crew loves you, you will be a legend " I have never forgotten those words because that was a golden. To this day I still hear him yelling through my radio " NO MERCY FOR YOU DANNY BOY " My first try in a new company and 5 days later I had the job and best crew ever. Know how to handle your people.
This is work 101, there is always someone you like less. After a while you just manage to ignore that fact, you are at work to get it done, friends are a bonus.
"That sounds manipulative, conniving, not keeping it real" - Being autistic, to me even keeping it real is a sort of act that I learned to perform, so in a way I learned to view all behaviour as manipulative or somewhat acted. What matters is the intention, and when the intention is to get shit done, being cooperative and respectful to someone you despise is 100% true to the intention to get shit done. Maybe not true to your feelings but the point was to get shit done not to express your feelings.
I felt the exact same way thinking about this. I have a friend who has a lot of social influence and when I observe his interactions with people especially people he doesn't like, I noticed a lot of times he says things that I would consider technically lies, but I started to realise that it's really just the little social things people do so everything remains cordial. A lot of times I see it as manipulation, but like you said, most social interactions feel like manipulation beyond just matter of factly stating what you want, how you feel, or what you're thinking.
This was really well stated, and an eye-opener. Hopefully this doesn't come off as insensitive, but sometimes I think autism serves more as a superpower than a disability, at least with experiences I've seen. My strongest relationships have often been with people I found out yeeears later are autistic, but the bonds feel stronger because there's more authenticity in it over adjusting to established "social cues"
I watch this everyday before work. I’ve been promoted twice since I started. The one I didn’t like now works underneath me. I am still not finished. Still have a mission that needs to be completed. Thanks for your inspiration.
My last job i got fired after telling a coworker off who I felt the victim of bullying/gossip etc... Even though I was right, I could tell I really lost in that situation. I couldn't just let it go and i lost sight of my bigger mission. It was a very toxic work place but I could've left with more grace. But I'm grateful it happened and is in the past because I know not to let it happen again
"Being humble goes a loooong way" - Only being 30 years old and I've realized this. Being honest about your mistakes and showing how you can improve them combined with being humble about your skills and limitations will ease most tensions. I've been to meetings where the room was electrified coming in. But being just 1 person in there to stay the course of the objective helped so much in rebuilding a bit of trust and removing tensions for further development
'' If I am so smart, why am I not winning? '' That kinda got through me because I sabotage myself pretty often just out of pride and stubbornness, although I know Im consciously deciding to lose as long as I feel I am right. So my principles are more important for me than to succed in certain situations, which leads to a lot of unhappiness obviously and I feel like I should change that behavior. Well thanks for the great content!
I drove a cab for a couple of years and one thing that learned is that if you don't respond to difficult people in a way that escalates the situation and you keep a consistent level head and do not let them influence the way that you handle the situation, 9 times out of ten they settle down rather quickly and end up with a much more productive situation.
Wonderful stuff, Jocko. This can often work in both directions, too -- depending on the situation. You notice another is being disrespectful or even hostile all the time, so you say to him: "I know you have very little respect for me at present, and that might or might not change later on -- I can live with it either way. But for now, I think you'll agree that, as your supervisor/boss/brother, I am entitled to your co-operation. Without it, the unit/company/family is damaged -- and neither one of us wants that. Do you want to try and go forward on that basis?" (Everybody learns that it isn't what others think of me that really matters -- it's what I think of me. And bad behavior, no matter how justified, will sooner or later always make me think less of myself.)
We get taught we screw up then have to relearn,I’m blown away at 45 and sober I’m putting myself through this self mentoring by watching Jocko and have been for the last yr,there’s no amount of thanks I can give I wake to the man I lift to him I run to him he’s literally the dad I I never had and I wish I had.
Jocko, this came at the right time. You gotta know how I play the game to get ahead and care for those who you do actually like. Love you podcast, full of wisdom and insights.
I would just like to thank you for the assistance you offered me as a young man. I've got myself together. Ill be the general manager of the restaurant I've been working at since highschool. I WILL be an owner and franchisee before I'm 21. So thanks for the help in realizing what im capable of.
So many people get in their own way at work by thinking that reacting emotionally and bitching at everyone and everything means that they are genuine and have integrity. This should be mandatory viewing. At work, integrity means working together and I don’t care who you like or don’t like.
I learned this Jocko and I hope you read this. I'm 22 and learned if they're smart, be tough. If they are tough be smart. If they are foolish, be righteous. If they are righteous, be a bit foolish.
The point is you are not trying to win "for" people you don't like. You just have to win with them. So being polite to them and not expecting nice response and dedicated work from them are included as your job to win something. Stay in the course to win something and complete your mission. That's all about professionalism. Thanks Jocko
Once again you have shared the necessary tools for success. I dont have the right words to express how valuable the information you provide is to me, and everyone else looking for answers and solutions. Thank you.
6:15 you're understanding your own limitations and his limitations and taking charge of getting him to comply because he wants to, not against his ego. you're being the man.
So true. It's the ego that makes us dislike other people. A good soul search has helped me many a times. From observing people who really have a name in society, but "carry out the trash out" voluntarily, that to me is a lasting lesson than the man-made "Thou shalt not!!!" Thank you for these podcasts.
As much as I love the theory of this, there are people who will abuse your willingness to let your guard down. If they are in your family, they are inescapable unless you can manage to cut all contact or keep them at a distance. There is a point where this will become inviting abuse, at least in a certain context. If you're dealing with a normal person, yeah, this advice works. It's a pretty good method to filter out people who you can develop respect for, and people who aren't willing to respect others.
@@thatgui88most of the time they're not actual narcissists they don't actually have narcissistic personality disorder they are just people who are very arrogant but on the point that they are still reasonable unless well they actually have a personality disorder people are well inherently working off their own logic trying to fulfill what they think is their own need
@@anthonyle1838 Nah I've met some people who legit fit every description of what a narcissist acts/does. So far I have met 2 so far. One man and one women. Competitive, difficult to work with,huge ego,lack of boundaries, and rude.
@@thatgui88 self-interested and competitive those are some traits and narcissist definitely can have but they're more defined by how much they want admiration and validation
True story... when you don’t like someone & you’re honest with yourself about the answer, it will often be your own ego that’s in the way! It’s often something you don’t like about yourself that you see in the other person!
IN MY OPINION, winning people that you don't like is similar to letting an enemy inside your house. There's no shortage of good people out there. If you need to win over somebody, chances are they probably shouldn't be in your life.
100% agree. I would also add to build the relationship by asking opposition sincere honest questions on their way of thinking, listen, don't interrupt, let them encourage them elaborate more. You can still hold your ground and respectfully challenge, do but with calm self control.
Thank you for putting your input and valuable responses for people as a teenager going into rotc and having goals in sf I’m lucky to have such an amazing amount of information before me.
I like being the team member who does everything above and beyond what is expected me without expectations from anyone. It's a good way too measure the quality of people we work with. When asked for volunteers always be first. Do your duty without being asked to do it. Don't complain or whine about anything. Don't talk about people if they are not their to defend themselves. The less we speak the more we listen and the more we listen the more we understand and the more we understand the more we can accomplish.
Learning a lot of ways ego can manifest itself listening to Jocko. Tons of stuff for me to improve on. Bonus also is it enhances empathy and insight into others. Stripping away the things my ego could be competing for means I can focus my passions and energies on more meaningful endeavors with awareness that can benefit others and myself. Might be an age thing but I'm noticing that all the stuff ego could compete for or advertise has the additional liabilities of maintenance and deception. Maintenance in the form of you gotta keep whatever you think your ego is holding on to and deception if you try and convince others of something you don't have. If your worried about losing respect, jobs or relationships over losing that, what did you really have anyway? You were on borrowed time and son, the clock just ran out...😳
This video is spot on. Maybe Jocko's best podcast. Keeping the ego in check solves 80% of all relationship problems inside the team and outside the team.
This just assisted me in my Flight Chief mission. I now have the wordage I have been trying to find to speak with my boss. I have the same goal of team win and this video just sparked my mind and we will see how tonight comes out. This is what I needed and couldn't find the way to explain it.
always relationships are helpful to succeed our goals.when i listen this i think stupid and smart are the changing surround to move forward..i thank the both to talking real matters i face this life.this is lot of knowledge.challengfull ideals.
I think Jocko’s advice works in many circumstances. However, he had the advantage of working with SEALS, which are hardly “regular” people in terms of physical, mental, and organizational abilities. It doesn’t usually take much to steer talented people on the right track. There are some workplaces where the culture and leadership are unbelievably toxic (e.g. lack of equal opportunity, embezzlement). In those cases, if you’re at the bottom of the ladder, you should leave. If you’re at the top of the ladder, you need a total overhaul of the organization, or let it die in its toxicity.
I'm dealing with someone I don't believe deserves his position right now, but I believe this video opened me up, hopefully I'll be able to continue working with him by putting my ego in check and help get the common goal achieved.
Jocko & Echo, thank you for showcasing this story. These lessons will help to make strong people better team players. Your guys mindset is much appreciated.
A lot of people did not like our commander in 2016, people said a million things about him but what I respected is that we were a work for 2 weeks straight during the holidays and himself, the 1sgt, and the CMSgt all visited us on Christmas day and stayed and talked w/ us for over 2 hours! It’s the small things 👍🏽
It’s a good realization to have also knowing what winning and losing is to you personally is a good measured the understand it’s different for everybody.
Wow, this is probably the most important thing I have heard in a very long time. Everyone needs to hear this lesson every day. I need to hear this lesson everyday. If I had internalized this lesson years ago, life would have been so much different, so much better. I have antagonized every. single. stupid boss. I ever had. omg what an idiot I am. I should have known better.
I agree with this when your heart and head are in the right place. Jocko had a genuine interest in building a relationship with someone who also appears to want a good relationship. The issue is when one party has no desire to build a relationship with you. This does happen and the answer in those situations I think is to go play in another sandbox and build relationships with people who actually want to work with you and not against you.
This is the most helpful Jocko video I've ever watched. I have a problem where I think I'm smarter or better than a lot of my bosses and it always just stresses me out and messes things up. I'm going to try to put my ego aside and work WITH my boss to see if I can make things smoother. It's going to be hard but I think it might be worth it.
“If it’s true that thoughts, words and ideas locked-together create language patterns… and those language patterns carry a voice, a power and a vibrational frequency of intelligent energy? Then words can light fires in the minds of those who become enlightened of the internal reality that they are creating from day to day.” - Luke Picco www.IRONCLADCONFIDENCE.com
Can confirm this mindset helps. I've only had one superior assigned to me it didn't work with because they would outright lie when they thought it would make them look better. I tried for months to assume that I misunderstood what was so - maybe they aren't lying and I just don't know any better. But it just kept happening. After a few months, I spent a little time quietly double checking when I thought there was dishonesty. It turned out that an overwhelming preponderance of the time they were, in fact, lying. So, I started to push back harder or discreetly guide our choices elsewhere when I knew they were lying. They would never give if the truth made them look less awesome to higher leadership. Finally, the next guy up above this dishonest superior asked me for feedback for how my part of his team was doing.... And I just... Told him the truth. He asked for verification for a few of these example lies. I showed him the evidence that made me reach my conclusion. And then nothing happened. This person continued to be dishonest when it suited them. If I sound angry about it, it's because I'm still angry that we even have people like this being given authority and that I never figured out a way to improve the situation.
This is an awakening for me, this is me 100%, Thank you for this interview, I have been a stubborn bone head all this time. Moving forward im putting my ego in check. New subscriber
Day to day i put jocko’s advice into play through various scenarios i have in life. Never yet has the advise let me down. Every time i hear a piece here a piece there i think how can i relate this back in my world. And man oh man its got me promotions respect and above all MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. And thats what i am about getting the best out of myself and my team. Forget these motivational wanna be’s. JW spells it out in full colour for me. When i need some info i just turn into here and shut up and listen..
When Jaco says your ego is what makes you not like somebody that's some true stuff right there and that's something that we should all look at and put our ego aside and figure them out even if there are enemy
