How to Write the Perfect Book Blurb for Your Query Letter: Dos and Don'ts 

hope you don't mind the spell check, it should read 'your advice' x

Ashish or Hashish?

I'm so glad you're finding my videos helpful! Thanks for the kind comment. Wishing you all the best with querying!

I know exactly how you feel!

Did you ever find a sweet spot?

@@AR-mu4zq Only on my wife.

@@rowan7929 Hey, that's all that counts, am I right! 🤭😉

Wrong. It's identical to how it's on amazon. Which, of course, means that this isn't a query letter blurb at all. Which means that this video's completely useless.

A short paragraph about yourself. You can look for examples on the internet. No resume.

Yes, the elevator pitch is definitely suppose to be short but catchy. It's named after creatives literally pitching their pieces while in an elevator with producers, so they're designed to go real quick!

There's a fair amount of overlap, and one often can use one as the other. The difference is that the elevator pitch answers the question "What's the gist of this story, who would want to buy and read this, and why?" whereas the blurb (as typically printed on the back of the book or the inside flap of the dust jacket if it's a hardcover) answers the question "What's the gist of this story, and why should *I* want to buy and read it?"

It sounds to me like you're mashing up a blurb for a self-help book with another blurb for some kind of thriller and/or psychodrama about a gal named Mitzi. While it's not entirely unheard-of for a self-help book to include a series of vignettes about a character serving as a reader avatar to demonstrate how the reader should or shouldn't behave in various hypothetical situations, it's best not to go jumping back and forth between second-person and third-person narration in the same paragraph as you do here. To ensure a smooth transition, you should start a new paragraph when you start talking about Mitzi, e.g. your paragraph break should come after "What would your reaction be?" and then you should say something like "Follow along with Mitzi as she answers these questions." If-on the other hand-what you're trying to sell here is actually a thriller and/or psychodrama, you should cut out the second-person narration altogether and go straight to talking about Mitzi and her problems in the first paragraph. You could start your blurb with an intriguing sentence like "Don't know what you've got 'til it's gone!" for the header text, and start your first paragraph with "Mitzi didn't know what she treasured most until she lost it," and then start talking about all those jerks who've wronged her and all those other jerks who wouldn't help her when she needed their help. In the next paragraph, you then say something like "There's a place that has the answers she seeks, though they may not be the answers she wants," and continue in that manner. As it stands currently, the thoughts expressed in your blurb are too jumbled together (the aforementioned jumping back and forth between second-person and third-person narration) and redundant (you mention twice that the "people who should help" Mitzi aren't helping her; once should be sufficient). Also, your grammar needs some brushing up; e.g. you use a run-on sentence in your first paragraph (a single question which really should be presented as three separate questions). Moreover, every sentence that is a serious question should end-without exception-with a question mark; the only time to end a question with a period is when you're asking it sarcastically because you're being deliberately disrespectful to the one you're questioning, i.e. implicit in using a period instead of a question mark on the end of "Imagine having that thing you treasure; how would you feel if someone came along and attempted to take that treasure from you" is "...and why the hell would I care about your feelings, loser?" Bottom line: sort out your thoughts, and then clarify to us whether you're advertising a self-help book or a thriller/psychodrama about a gal named Mitzi by writing your blurb *only* for the one kind of book; no mash-ups.

I would say that you could be a bit more specific about Mitzi and the setting she is in. You could also form the questions you're asking within that setting and description to get the reader to ask themselves those questions. "Mitzi discovered what she treasured when someone took her treasure from her." effectively proposes that question to the reader, and I think trying to create so much intrigue actually makes it a little too vague. School, parents and boss also seems to be quite a broad group. If it's aimed at young adults maybe you don't need boss, and if it's aimed at adults, you don't need school. I would try reading a selection of blurbs in the genre and age group you're writing for, and try to adapt the details of your story to that format. For me, this doesn't give me much of an idea of the stakes, time period or setting or any details about what Mitzi or what she is interested in.

Angel has had just about enough. Her people have been caught between two hostile factions, desperately trying to mediate for centuries, with no hope of progress. In a fit of frustration, she summons the devil from another world of a by-gone era. He is not pleased to have to babysit this trifle, testing her resolve time and again as she rides him across a sea of misery. Lives are lost to her word, and even victory leaves her broken and battered. Will she manage to plow through the tribulations, or will she sink under their weight? Take a ride with her on this military adventure around the world.

Maybe because it was successfully published by Random House. She shared a blurb that worked, clearly.

@@keithmurphy3470 Yes, and we both stated that the book for us. I imagine it tickled the interests of the target audience, that being young women. As a grown man who can't tolerate having my intelligence insulted, nor putting up with liars, that blurb told me quite resoundingly, "Don't read this book!!!"

@@clintcarpentier2424 I think its perfectly reasonable that a blurb wouldn't speak to some people, but his commenter specifically said "I really wonder why in the world you'd choose just that blurb" - thats what my comment was in response to. She chose it because its a blurb that worked.

​@@keithmurphy3470 I think the point of the post is where we are at an impasse. He said, "I really wonder why in the world you'd choose JUST that blurb." As in, it was the ONLY blurb she gave as an example. Here, try this... ------- Even as a child, the Rowan was one of the strongest Talents ever born. Telepaths across the world had heard her mental distress calls when her family's home was suddenly destroyed... Years later, she became a Prime Talent, blessed with a special power which stretched across the stars. But without a family, friends - or love - the Rowan's power was not enough to bring her happiness... Then a telepathic message came from a distant world facing an alien threat, a message sent by an unknown Talent named Jeff Raven. Now - be it power, danger, or love - the Rowan is about to meet her match. -------- Now I ask you. Which of the two is more enticing?