Google Zeitgeist is a collection of talks by people who are changing the world. Hear entrepreneurs, CEOs, storytellers, scientists, and dreamers share their visions of how we can shape tomorrow.
Compatibility is an achievement of love, not a precondition. Best quote I've heard in a while, and that explains how marriages have been working on for centuries, before life would become so "complicated" as nowadays.
@Nick Tubber Simply, I don't know. When someone makes a claim using words such as 'good' or 'bad' in the meaning of absolutes it triggers me as to why are they so sure? Having a fearmate might also mean you are both having the same problem and going through it might at the very least be educative in nature and could turn into wonderful growing experience that would fortify the relationship. Having the same problems is like having the same passions in my opinion. It unites. And what is even soulmate? Do you give this label during the infatuation state that's based on your delusional view of the other? Or do you give this label to your partner after years of living together? If latter, it would be based on your choice rather than based on any extraordinary characteristics of your partner. And even if that feels as such - how many people do you know to that extent and have you spent that amount of time to compare?
I dedicate this video to Moe who tried to convince me that love is about loving the same things and having the same interests, and I tried to show him that love is about having different interestand s, sharing them with your partner. That love is about being open to discovering new options, new challenges, and new adventures. Of course, both of us failed despite all the love and passion we shared and still share. My love for you was and is insatiable.
I agree with the wisdom of this but we still need to establish strong boundaries with people so that we don't emotionally bleed out. Accepting someone does not mean you have to accept emotionally unhealthy behaviour
that's a gray line that is difficult to determine, i think everyone is going to have different definitions of what that means exactly. We will probably end up doing what he does and find what childhood gave us as acceptable or not
It is rare to find people who are loving and kind. Learning to tolerate people and their idiosyncrasies is part being an adult but being overly understanding about abusive and exploitative behavior is dangerous and just plain foolish.
@@anakein now, think for a second, what had to happen to them to be that way. And then think for a second if you could know that reason. Finally, think for a second what you can learn from that for the betterment of yourself and your partner.
I wish the man I love would listen to this, after 9 years together for last few years on and off as he was confused he finally left for the last time and the reason for him was, our outlook is different! He said I am artistic, creative and emotional, and he is logical, steady and introverted! We had beautiful intimacy!!
My key moments: 4:38 (exit romantic assumptions); 4:47 (a decent human being); 4:53 (deeply corrupt); 5:24-41 (all of us are imperfect, therefore we need to go easy on each other, that is what love is); 5:46 (easy to live with?); 5:56 (No one is easy to live with.); 6:43-8:12 (instinct); 8:15 (communication, secrets); 10:37 (education, true love is about education); 11:20 (alarm bell :-) ); 11:54 (those who love us have to criticize us); 12:04 (Plato); 12:52 (true love is seeking the best for the other person); 13:14 (not a feeling, but a skill); 13:30 (learning tips: 2-y-old child); 14:28 (reasons people are difficult: have not eaten, tired, need rest, were treated badly); 14:45 (lovable idiot); 16:29 (choice to be made); 17:23-50 (compatible person, 17:45 - intolerance, compatibility = achievement); 18:04 (when you are ready for love - summary of the talk)
As always these advices are perfect! The most conscious teacher! The problem is when you start to be a patient teacher, treating your partner as a child, you become SO comfortable for other side, that it turns unnecessary for him/her to force itself the same way. Really, you never complain, never judge, always have an argument to explain his or her errors or falts. And so appears the union between a rider and a horse that carries both the rider and all his "possessions" on its back. Any effort must be done iqually from both sides.
Accepting someone doesn't mean that you have to suffer with a self-absorbed or abusive partner. Love is reciprocal, it should go both ways. Of course, you cannot expect the person to have the same level of generosity/compassion, but you're entitled to ask for some in return. By the way, Alain never said, you should do all the work, on the contrary, he did say we should work together to become better versions of ourselves for each other.
Indeed, love is not only built on top of sexual/romantic attraction, but also the energy, time and patience that is put into improving and learning about each other and fixing the cracks along the way, which a lot of times is definitely not fun. However, this is exactly where the beauty and meaning of love lies, which is, regardless of our differences, the difficulties we have encountered or will encounter, we still choose to stay with each other and love each other.
If you think you love someone or if you think someone loves you, both you and the other person intention is to control the other person, that is if you want to be honest.
Lovely and fun to listen to :) and Wise! Underbar lyssning... minns fortfarande den där frågan.... som nån ställde en gång för nu längesen ;) å jag undrade detsamma, om honom då. För det var inte jag som inte släppte taget då, n'ä!
The love the bible talks about is 4 different Greek words used for love Agape has been expounded on by many Christian writers in a specifically Christian context. C. S. Lewis uses agape in The Four Loves to describe what he believes is the highest level of love known to humanity: a selfless love that is passionately committed to the well-being of others
I would agree with what Mr. Botton says - that what is intuitive is what we experienced in childhood. I wonder, however, where the bit that we have before we are born comes from. Our 'spirit' - how does that appear in our intuition? And how strong does it feature, relative to our psychological priming?
This I wonder about too. For me it is instinct to fall back into a childhood pattern - after analysing this I understood about what my deficiency is. But, I also recall carrying a lot of my own needs even before actually hearing any romantic concept like soulmates. As in I had my own conditioning that applied to choices I made in love which was not simply a replication of my early childhood interactions. Also I believe romanticism in eastern cultures go way back relative to that of European and it is not something I feel one can completely discount. Nor can instinct be discounted.
My wife and I had at arrangements marriage ,it’s been 15years now and we are very happy and love .god bless us with 3 children I always said romantic marriage don’t work because when romance is gone your partner is gone too. Real love only excite in book
Blind faith in others is not true love but trying to understand others is true form of love. Trying to understand others can't produce hate or fear except love and kindness in us.
In the first couple of minutes or more he explains how my mother and father met and they really didn`t talk too much with each other right from the start. When she told me that I was astonished. Also, they maintained that type of communication throughout their marriage. I do not recommend that. Better to talk everything out. They never divorced, though. Probably because my father was so forbearing.
It always makes me astound when I hear american talking about this and that best selling author. In the rest of the world, best can be only one, but in america, every second writer is best selling. You go on amazon and you can find thousands of "best selling books". Every one is getting a gold medal.
@@treyshaffer I was referring to speaker who introduced him. Because if he says that this author is "best selling" they will listen more. In america high volume means guarantee of quality.
@@PolishBehemoth What my country of origin has to do with this topic? Best can be only one. Not every second book on the shelf. Or me being from some developing country means that my argument is irrelevant? Every time I see on USA channels promoting some book it is always best selling. There are only super successful authors in America. Everyone gets a medal.
Inaccurate on the criticism point. A lot people do that to bash someone's self-esteem because they want to bring them down to their level. It's like tall poppy syndrome. Ppl get jealous of people who seem greater, smarter, better than them, because it seems amplify their unrealized potential or how they f*ed up their destiny, so to insult someone u secretly envy...e.g. make them appear incompetent at work/downgrade their abilities and accomplishments thus getting them to act undignified, antisocial or destructive is satisfying. To see a person who has never harmed u destroy themselves and fall from grace brings comfort to haters. Humans are "appalling", he was definitely right ✅ about that part. Co-habitation is not all it's cracked up to be! Another person will not complete you!. Better to be single and be mostly at peace.
Just came across this one, and I recognized some of what you said as you've mentioned it in other talks and lectures, i.e. seeing your partner as a child in order to overlook some of their follies. However, what if it's something more fundamental, like total opposition in political point of view to the extent that it's embarrassing to see his recent Facebook posts? We're both quite 'old' (he in early 60 and me in mid 50). Neither of us will ever change by now, so...
Yeah, it is a big part of it. Any relationship grows more stronger and precious through time spend on it and experience had together in agood way. I leraned that in psychotherapy (which helped me very much) and found it to be true.
@@dasmorbo3508 It seems like that could overcome bad experiences that they have inflicted on each other in the past. Unless they were repeated. Only if it is one of those immutable things, though.
I am deeply troubled by an argument that says we should devalue love, in whatever form. The Romantics can best be understood, not by what they extolled--"romantic" love was only one of many things they fancied, the others being Nature, history, the Orient, drugs, etc.--but by what they feared. They feared the onrush of an increasingly inhuman society dominated by machines and machine-thinking, and they ran away from it. In practice, very few people actually believe in soulmates anymore, and those who do often outgrow it, or find ever increasing understanding over time. This is a complex subject best dealt with by lived experience, not love theorists.
I would always talk to him about what bothered me and he simply didn’t have the capacity for empathy. He always found a way to twist around whatever I said and make it somehow my own fault For example: How can his flirting with other women be my fault? He was so narcissistic he couldn’t admit to any wrong doing. In his mind, he believes he is not wrong. He believes that as long as he knows he only wants me, flirting is harmless. But this notion comes from his own perspective. Empathy is the ability to put yourself in the place of another. To me, seeing him flirt with someone else causes pain, it makes me feel less desirable and thus it is wrong to do that to a partner.
The Good Choice narcissist men are the hardest people to reason with. Even with the most proof and explanation for your feelings, it’s never the truth for them or reasonable. It’s exhausting! I promise myself I’ll never put myself through that again
5:27 this is really incredible point from an atheist Jew. So even the concept of original sin is evident in even the most atheist and humanist points of view. Maybe the bible was right? Idk... I don't wanna get hate.
This guy wrote a book called Religion for Atheists - Alain de Botton . the issue well could be that people made religion are as we all know or should evil greedy and the most broken make religion and seek to rule over others but God unlike man is love in its truest form and very real and can if seeked mend guide and evidently save us from our selfs .that inner voice that tell one to get out of a most likely bad upcoming situation and basicly repetes ten commandments to us via spirit. In modernism educated type circulars seems to need to ignore guard them selves from the spiritual nature of this world .is it dark voices in their head fear or the whole lot ? only they know i hope any how sooner the better wen they realize they can talk with a loving creator God and Jesus and be vonerable to him and the holy spirit , folks see that side they say it`s more real than were we are at now in this form any way
So many gurus and so little time. Who shall I follow this week? Will I retain enough common sense to sort the wheat from the chaff? I hope I can still parse the complex sentences. Sometimes old sayings help like - a cow and a wife should be from one's own country - or - fair words won't butter any parsnips.
Some things I've thought about re: love. I prefer to use "I like you!" instead of throwing the "I love you" around. So called, "Holy Matrimony", do some research and you will find that this is an invention of the Roman Church and has no backing from the Bible. Marriage used to be a social agreement and or an agreement between parents. Why should government dictate that you need a 'marriage license'? I was with a woman for 22 years and she was sick for approx. half that time, frustrating sure, but I didn't think to toss her in the streets. I "Loved" her through her problems, then she disappeared on me. Thank you!
His humorous stories about romantic love are funny but it's one sided. when faced with our 3 billion year old instincts or our rational calculating neo cortex, I recon evolution (Or the force that gave rise to us) that gives us instinct is a safer bet. Rational calculation gives our military leader reasoned ideas like MAD. Mutually Assured Destruction. And game theory, and rational calculation that is used in economic decisions based on utilitarion ethics that leave whole populations starving. I say it's our faith in reason that is our biggest mistake and a reconnection with nature is our biggest chance of salvation.
To a degree yes, if you meant to say people should start taking their limbic system seriously then yes, he said a whole lot of nothing, what do you think hook-up culture does to brain? or i should put it like : What do you think over-stimulation with dopamine causes brain to experience, eventually develop, and to what extent do you think it goes?
Yet look at permanent city dwellers and religious ideologues. They are likely linear thinkers. A lot of people don’t realize that we are nature, not just in it.
