My one thought: When the inlaws said they paid alimony and child support, that was THE INLAWS, not the ex. The ex paid nothing so has no rights to the kids.
Yep. And "Adam" was literally doing the bare ass minimum by paying child support. Otherwise, his ass would be in jail. So, his parents did was bail out their waste of oxygen son
Actually, depending on jurisdiction, his absence for an extended period of time could mean the termination of his parental rights and even liability for emotional abandonment.
it was the bare minimum anyway as it seemed like it was all they did, no other type of support at all, not even treating their grandkids as their grandkids
They paid child support on behalf of the son, because he was obligated to. It doesn't mean an ex wife should welcome the ex husband back when he is done fooling around.
... That wasn't the welcome he was expecting? Seriously? He abandons his family and disappears for 3 years to be a NSA free spirit and he was surprised the ex slammed the door in his face? What a twit.
I’m more surprised that the parents of that man child is on HIS SIDE! After knowing EVERYTHING!! Like- seriously how have they not chewed him out or sent him to the streets for all that he had done? How dare they tell Op that she is depriving them of a dad when HE MADE THAT DECISION HIMSELF!!! Plus the fact the guys in the group had a point- they didn’t tell him that he needed to divorce- but THEY STILL CONGRATULATED HIM! Seriously the ex bs of a husband and this “cult” of friends are morons and honestly it’s pathetic- Ex Husband has NO RIGHT to come back! OP and her kids deserve way better.
What a douche, there's no way i'd ever let anyone back like that, he's not even a doormat, he's worse. Who leaves their kids for three years cause he wants to fit in with people then comes back to do the same thing again?!
Yup, he's scum. Spineless, selfish scum. It sucks that he retained visitation rights (albeit only supervised visitation, luckily) but given how selfish he is I fully expect him to stop visiting again. He will find some other woman since he decided that he can't be alone anymore and once he's in a new relationship he will once again flake out on his kids. Screw him.
@@notlisztening9821 maybe maybe not. thing is watch any documentary about cults or cultish groups and they can and will change people. it will be slow and over time but it will happen. as the saying goes about how the frog doesn't realize it's being cooked when the temperature rises very slow and steady
Someone who clearly has never felt a single ounce of happiness his entire life... looks like he did the stereotypical become a dad and have a wife and kids thing just to cope. It does sound like going on adventures across the world with his friends genuinely made him happier than his wife and kids ever could.
It sounds like was never happy with his family life and he was genuinely happy with his life as this adventurer with his buddies. But as his buddies began to settle down... he just reverted back into his depression.
No, it's worse. He's a psychopath. He excels in manipulation and is devoid of empathy, as illustrated by the fact that he prioritized his joyride and abandoned his wife and children for years. No communication for years, blocked the wife from being able to contact him, and showed up with a superficial "grand gesture" of roses at the door once he realized he didn't fit in with the cult he joined. Never economically supported the children either. He also refuses to take accountability for his actions and instead lashes out at his friends. The dude is absolutely self-centered. It's incredibly dangerous for children to be parented by someone like that.
I thought the court would terminate his rights as no contact for 3 years has been used to cut parental rights before, also he has not been paying child support he has been a child getting his mummy and daddy to pay it for him. I'm surprised that didn't land him in a worse situation as it shows he can not provide for his kids. He honestly seems like the boy in the playground desperately trying to fit in at the cost of his old friends to be part of the "cool" kids.
@@SkyEcho751 his parents were paying for the child likely for him. Op claimed they were loaded so I would assume knows a lawyer or has one on retainer that would tell them that. I mean to be fair to the ex-inlaws were they really gonna expect their son who is sucking and f*cking in international places to bring a new successful wife and new grandkids?
A shame that this happened, but OP is at least lucky that his abandonment didn't leave them financially destitute, what a loser. If he can be so easily influenced then he's not a good father and role model for the children.
@@BellaBlooms2244it was luck, in part. How many people in that situation have wealthy in-laws to substitute the father supporting his children? OP could very have been left out to dry had the circumstances been more typical
@@meanwhale4017 you have to sue which is generally pretty expensive and lengthy and even assuming she had sued when he wasnt paying shed still be the only person providing financially for the house although i do think its more accurate to say it was like at least 95% the moms effort that got her and her kids through it and 5% luck at most
....and people think reddit stories are fake...... Well, my ex brother in law abandoned my sister with two kids (toddler and infant) to marry a woman with two kids that arent his. Now my niece and nephew are all grown, working, well off and have their own kids..... The ex BIL now wants to marry my sister and make amends..... No, he hasn't divorced the other woman.... And he married another woman after that (still married), no he never paid child support at all.... And yes my sister is considering the marriage. And my mother is happy about the situation. And me??? And me?? I need extra popcorn for the show, i got the front row seat 😂😂😂😂
What in the entire fuck? 🤯 Why would she ever go back to him? Why would your mother be happy that her daughter is considering marrying a married man that left he to raise children by herself? 😳
@@chinaking918 my mom (black African woman) is just happy that her daughter is getting married. They love marriage so much it doesn't matter how messed up the person is
"Just leave the kids with someone and go have some fun." That would be instant divorce. Wanting a Mother to abandon her children just because he feels like he needs to run around like a child. She should have given up on him when he couldn't be asked to visit anymore. This is like another story I've seen where a Woman runs off to Europe, saying she'll be gone for a couple of months to "Find Herself" or some shit. Then she's gone for 6, husband basically gets a divorce and takes custody of the kids, she travels for another year and a half, is scared to go home and then goes to teach English in Thailand for 3yrs.
Is that the one where she was terrified of inheriting dementia after it killed her mother? I understand anxiety so I was sympathetic to her issues....for about 2 minutes, then she ruined it I believe the stories are true, but there's a confirmed example. One woman had ONE tough morning with her tiny kids so she vented to a stranger and he offered her to just leave with him right there and then...and she did. Didn't even come back with her stuff, just left. Was even declared missing and everyone accused the dad of offing her to have the kids to himself. Well she was found like YEARS later and....no one wants anything to do with her Don't remember her name but she's blonde and looks like a skeleton
@@MiraTheWarlock the woman scared of inheriting dementia is a different story. The one the they are referring to is a young woman who decided to abandon her family and travel after having a child. When her husband asked for full custody, she took it as an opportunity to extend her, I don't know what to call her trip, by a couple more years. She eventually went back to see that her husband's friends pitched in and helped him raise his kid. I think it was 5 or so years after the child's birth when she returned. Can't remember. As for the one fearing dementia, she eventually returned after about 6 months and finds that no one in her family wants anything to do with her. One of the last updates says she is living in a van selling actual crystals, I think, or something like that. She is also nearing the end of the savings she took
He took the "Bros over Hoes" literally and abandoned his family only for his bros to grow up out of that mindset. Like he's a piece of garbage and OPs should never get back with him or allow him near her kids
Sorry, but his wife wasn't a hoe. If anything, Adam was a hoe. He wanted to enjoy single, spent a lot of his money on girls, travels and hotels and ended up alone, miserable and living with his parents 😂😂😂
A man who is willing to walk out on his own children is no man. Once you have kids, they are your priority. Period. I'm also a father of two young boys and going through a separation. The thought of having them only half the time is painful. I can't even conceive of a person being happy to just walk away
I lol'd so hard when Adam's motives were revealed, and even harder when the friends started dating and he tried to come back to his family just to "fit in"... somehow, his energy is very similar to the energy of a cheater whose AP eventually grew bored of them and left them for someone else. Not an ounce of sympathy for this creature (I refuse to call him a man). Now he gets exactly what he deserves: no friends, no wife and, hopefully in the near future, no kids.
People who grew up in 2-parent homes need to stop the toxic mentality of "A _______ parent is better than no parent!" OP's ex abandoned his family to _LOOK COOL_ , he morally(and legally) forfeit his responsibilities as a parent ffs. Edit: The two-parent comment was more about how individuals that did not experience a certain situation/struggle can be quick to dismiss or negatively judge. Example: I was 8 and already knew my dad was not a good person and wished my mom divorced him. From personal experience staying in a bad relationship for the kids is a terrible reason.
@@doopistthen you are VERY lucky; because back in earlier decades the aforementioned attitude was considered normal, especially when divorce was seen as shameful. Even now, many people still hold that belief that partners should stay married no matter how bad their marriage or relationship is because “a bad parent is better than no parent,” or “stay together for the sake of the children.” Both beliefs are idiotic and outdated, and can damage families worse than a divorce. But again, be grateful you never experienced that.
I agree. People think children are dumb and don't notice what is going on around them, but they can tell when something is wrong. They notice when their parents are abusive to each other, cold and distant or inattentive. Then, they either internalize that as normal and enter and tolerate dysfunctional relationships with others. I'd say it takes more strength and conviction to your child's well-being to leave a dysfunctional marriage, then it takes to stay in one.
Where did it say she wants his rights terminated? In fact I specifically remember her saying she didnt want to deprive her children of having a father figure should he step his game up. Idk why your blaming feminism on a mans failures. Feminism isnt the same as a fatherless household especially if the household is fatherless because the man was too much a coward to follow through on commitment.
Ya he left her during that intensive baby phase when the kids take all of your time and attention. She didn’t have the time or energy to focus on him, especially exclusively on him anymore. And based on everything she’s telling us, he probably didn’t do much of the nitty gritty parenting car and domestic work. Which means she was exhausted and really had no time or energy for him. So instead of thinking “oh hey if i do half the domestic and parenting work, my wife will have more time and energy for me, and I’ll also feel better for having invested in relationships with my sons” he decided “i’m getting nothing out of this, this is too much work and responsibility, I’m out”
"If we're meant to be, I'll find my way back!" SIR, do you have any idea of the astronomical odds of finding your way to her the first time around? And you're just throwing that away because. . . reasons? The only way you'll find your way back is by the light of the bridge you're burning.
Even if it’s not the friend groups fault I feel like anyone with common sense would’ve told him to literally take a step back because he wants to leave his wife and kids just to be apart of the friend group instead of cheering for him…
Yeah, none of them went "Whoa dude, maybe take a step back before you do something so drastic.... You don't have to dump them to be our friend." And who would want to be friends with someone who could drop their wife AND KIDS at the drop of a coin.
Nope. The cousin and the friend group knew exactly what they were doing. Notice how OP was saying her friend rachel had a cousin who was bragging about managing to get a guy to dump his family for their philosophy. BRAGGING. They were proud of what they did. If the devil convinces you to steal, you stole, but you wouldnt say that the devil is a good person or did nothing wrong. Telling someone to do something wrong is STILL WRONG.
It wasn't just the friends. It was the life style they where living. Traveling, staying at fancy hotels, sleeping with whoever and never having commitment to anyone but himself. He didn't just want to fit in, he wanted to be single. Now he is and hopefully he finds a way to enjoy it now that his bros are grown with wives and kids that they didn't up and abandon; unlike him.
Those in the freindgroup were toxic people now doubt, however, they are not responsible for the stupid decision made by the husband. None of them owe him, nor his family anything. If the husband had an ounce of decency he would realise how toxic these people were, drop their loser asses and go back home. But he didn't because he is an a-hole just like them. He needed an excuse to leave and they were convenient. If a new, similar friend group rises he will do it again.
The only reason any of them felt guilt was because they met the woman they'd helped screw over. Its easy to not care about the victim when you don't have to face them.
I love how the parents wants a gold sticker for literally doing what they're supposed to... Like you raised a deadbeat dad the LEAST you can do is pay the child support HES supposed to be paying
Aren’t in laws doing the bare minimum of paying what the court literally ordered? They have no right to refuse. They can try and contest it but she’ll probably win because he’s not visited for 3 years.
I personally think Rachel should tell all the GF and fiancé of these guys what kind of stuff they were up to right before they met them. It speaks a lot about their character.
ive been in a similar situation once. Friend group of about 5, one of my friends got married at 19 and had a kid at 20. 2 other guys in the group said he wasnt ready to be weighed down and encouraged him to "just pay child support". I snapped the fuck out of them and threatened to cut contact if they ever say shit like that in my presence again. Fast forward 8 years, Friend 1 is still married with 3 kids.
That first step to pregnancy is where you have to be the MOST responsible. Once a kid is here, they're here. Irresponsible fathers who dont think beyond their animal pleasure are undeserving of having intimate partners or being parents ever. I don't think people should be getting married or having kids before 25 anyway, why are people good with quick marriages with high school sweethearts? The husband isnt wrong for wanting exploration but he shouldve thought about that way earlier before signing legal contracts and creating new humans.
This is the "homies" And "the boys" shit these men keep talking about and then come around broke, stretched and dysfunctioned expecting that women would fix them Ain't nobody got time for that
I believe John Mulaney's father put it well when he said "you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair." A very good descriptor for people like Adam.
He had it all. A loving family and loyal wife, the opoortunity to have his own home and ditched it all. What a loser. On another note, why did I imagine Adam as the guy from Hazbin Hotel?
I'd say the kids can have contact with dad if they want to, but he has no right to expect a warm welcome just because his parents paid HIS child support these three years while he was fuc*ing around and OP just happens to be single right now.
the worst part is that it sounds like this idiot wasn't even manipulated. he just saw some people who were happily single and decided to leave his wife and children like a kid on the playground who ditches their friends to play with the cool kids.
Absolutely. Sure, its the guy’s decision to actually go through and do something as stupid as abandoning his family, but it’s still evil to encourage them to do that in the first place. The whole part where they claim they never outed him for not being single smells of bs, and of wanting to absolve themselves of the guilt. I don’t buy it for a single second.
Dude's like this always lose their minds once kids are there. The fact that he suggest their both abandoned them to go live their lives? That's what you do before you decide to bring kids into the fucking world.
So the cousin was bragging about how they ruined a family till he found out that it was Rachel's friend(aka OP) who got the bad end of the deal? yeah I would have SUE the dude like what? yeah Adam is a jerk but the cousin was kind of worse "oh yeah we're part of a no-relationship cult" like maybe if you hadn't said that Adam would probably be like "Oh Wow am glad I have these friends and I don't have to force myself to change and cause any form of stress and pain on my wife and kids!" like dude adam what are ya a highschooler?!
This story randomly reminded me of the song The Beautiful South - A Little Time. Good choice on the OP's part not to get back together with the child wearing the skin of an adult. Suprised the court left him any custody.
Op´s ex is dumb... How can somebody expect to get a normal life back, if you are at fault for your ruined life in the first place? If i would honestly want that life back i, as a man, as a father, would show how i can change and get back to getting to know my children, work for the child support so that my own parents don´t need to pay and try to fix things on my own and not blame others... But as i can see, the dude in this story does to less to late... (I am well aware that he could not fix the relationship betweem him and his wife but if he realy wants to be a dad again he could try to provide for them, try to be more there for them and so on...)
As if he was some prize after spending 3 years wh*ring around. Also, the child support and alimony is what he legally had to pay that they chose to pay for him. It doesn't mean he can do whatever he wants and then come waltzing back in whenever he wants.
Even a bad father can be a good example. If you let your kids build up hate and sadness without an outlet, they will find one. I'd have the father write all this down so that he doesn't change the story mid way through.
Yeah it's fun to live with your bros when none of you have relationships going on until you're like 25 and realize it's not really scratching the same itch it did when you were 19 Leaving your family to do that when you're older is insane. You wanna live with all dudes where you can't have relationships? Just steal a car and go to jail for a while, maybe they would forgive you then
The fact that he didnt even came back because he was missing his ex wife and kids but for convienience is unfathomable, he deserves to never see his kids again
The nerve of the in laws to actually defend that loser. They didn't even take an active role in the kids' lives until their son comes crawling back?! Gawwwwd eff these people.
I can't understand why people do that after having kids and getting married. If you wanna be a crazy hippie you do it before lugging down someone with responsibilities
There are other options. For example, yeah, Adam broke OP's heart, but that doesn't mean she's not too old to start dating again and wouldn't be able to find a good stepdad for her children. And there was a commercial, don't remember what for, but it showed a man without his wife teaching jis daughter how to shave, just explaining how the technique is different between a man's face and a woman's legs. Besides, her sons could end up joining the swim team, and those guys learn full-body shaving to be as hydrodynamic and thus fast in the water as possible. I'm just saying OP's kids don't need their biological father to teach them these things.
He has no rights and no family! He abandoned you and his kids and never payed child support. His parents paid grandchild support... He didn't use his visitation rights for 3 years, so that's not something he can claim either...
“Adam was the kind of guy to discuss everything”. Wouldn’t that mean he discussed leaving his wife and children with the group of friends and they didn’t try anything? In no way did I not see the friend group as innocent either.
The biggest tragedy in this is that the guy grew up without a strong sense of what he wants, without his own identity. That’s why he is so easily swayed to change lifestyles. What caused it to be so, and how can we reduce the amount of such people in the future?
I like his “they shouldn’t be burdened with this” line as if she can just erase her children from existence. So “he” wouldn’t be burdened while she’s left holding the bag. I sincerely hope she didn’t take him back and goes and finds someone else. I also hope she has sole custody since he was so willing to abandon his kids like they were meaningless trash.
She’s not in the wrong at all. Adam is, and so are his parents for not bashing the shit out of that idiot. He can never come back and be her husband, but if he agrees to therapy, maybe he can go back to being a dad.
The sad part is that in the beginning she was willing to beg this turd to not leave her and their children by divorcing her. Thank goodness that op found out why he really wanted his freedom. Then when he came back op was almost wavering in her decision to not let him in. Again thanks to some information explaining his return that she added some strength to her spine. But again she wasn’t sure after speaking to his parents if she was doing the right thing. I guess that she and her ex do have something in common. They both lack the willpower think for themselves without the influence of others. This is why you don’t pour all of your love into someone who doesn’t return that same love to you. Stop being a bloody people pleaser.
Those kids are so fortunate to have OP. She's supermom. Adam is a "follower" literally can't think for himself. OP is right that it is 100 percent his fault for misunderstanding the dynamic of that friend group which means that Adam already had feelings of regret.
Almost father of the year, close to Gabriel agrest (hes technically a fictional father, but kinda fits.) Mom is absolutely a candidate for the goat of mother's award.
To anyone that believes this is fake: I have a friend who did similar. She got into a circle of "Free Love" people, who didn't believe in monogam/"bound" relationships. It was like 60s Hippie x polygamy, except it wasn't chill at all: My friend (1) got into debates with another friend (2) who was strictly mono. Partially because they had an on-off thing till Friend 1 came out as Aro/pan. It's not like friend 1 would chastise friend 2 or anything. The hurting part was she just...didn't get it. To Friend 1, it was the same like the Husband: Life should be free. About exploration. Sex shouldn't have "rules" of only sleeping with one person forever. Luckily she chilled with it rn. But that experience really stuck out. Our friendgroup was a big diverse mix of all kinds of peeps: Virgins who wait for relationships to Gals who slept with the fucking mailman. We all never judged each other. So it's obv. weird when someone happily goes around and just...trying to question any "motive" you have.
My sister and brother grew up without a father for a few years due to him dying and our mother took care of them by herself, up till she met my father. My grandmother (my mom's mother) buggered off for a couple of years, while my aunt, oldest uncle and my mother by themselves, not only to take care of themselves (my mom was a teenager at that time), but to watch over their two young brothers (my uncles) who were still in primary school at that time. My grandfather, however wasn't in the picture at that time because he buggered off sometime after my youngest uncle was either born or was a toddler and he had another family while he was still married to my grandmother.
so his friend were supportive of him getting back with his wife but he still blamed them. If I were them I'd have tried to exclude him from the group the moment I heard he'd abandoned his kids to join
Like at the start his reasoning would have made sense. They were highschool sweethearts and he knew nothing else but her and he felt unhappy. That would be understandable, shitty but kinda understandable. Unfortunately it wasn’t that. And I do put a bit of blame on the guys who told him about their philosophy while they never said it they did encourage him to leave in a way.
Nah I think the friend group are getting off too easy here, they didn't "make" him do all that but they sure as shit didn't council him against it either, n'or did they not go as far as congratulating the poor bastard after he pulled the trigger. Adam's a PoS but he's the PoS that's holding the bag they handed him.
yeah I was wondering how old he was but it all made sense when they said that they believed in that ideology when they were in their mid twenties My guy was a husband with the maturity of a child of course he got influenced like that what an idiot
This is probably fake but I felt immense outrage when he talked about being free from the burden of his family but was happy to not only unload that burden onto his wife to carry on her own but even suggested she abandon their sons. If he wanted to travel the world he should have done it while he was young and single or found a way to bring his family along. Also not surprised all the men involved were just that. YOUNG AND SINGLE which shows that OP was just an immature MAN CHILD. ffs. Lord I pray that this was written by an AI. But I know men like this in real life. They didn’t join a cult but they were happy to take off for selfish purposes.
I really felt bad in this story. What a waste. All for "growth". Why cannot people be happy with what they have? I feel like there is this need to like not be grateful and spend time doing useless things.
bha!.. learning to shave from online tutorials.. thats not needed , no more then learning from a big bro or a dad.. just get a razzor when stuff starts itch and figure out how to trim that face hedge by trial & error! XD
