IMHO APPLE #2: legally the therapist cannot ask more than what the insurance company notes as the responsibility of the patient. If the insurance says that the patient owes ‘$0.00’ than they can’t ask for more.
The sister not only didn't ask if her daughter could barrow the polar bear, she also didn't ask for permission to use the bedroom for the child's nap. She helped herself to someone else's room while they were in the bathroom and then claimed the stuffed animal as well. She should be glad she only got called out for trying to steal the bear.
#4 should have been a discussion before anyone was told. Best thing my wife and I did before each of my children were born, we agreed when to tell people and who to tell.
I completely agree. My partner and I discussed who and when to tell I am pregnant. I would be very angry if he started telling people without asking me first but the same goes for me so we had a long conversation about it. We are both parents and we both make decisions.
I haven't seen every part of this video yet but needed to comment about the second story. I am a therapist. That is NOT legal!!! That person needs to report the therapist to the state's board and their office, if they are under a company.
My only issue with giving the 4th story a bad apple is that it was stated that she never communicated that she didn't want the news shared. And I feel that if she is telling others in her life and not communicating that she doesn't want other people knowing, her husband can't be in the wrong for the question that was asked. People cannot read minds, and how was he to know if she was telling other people.
Agreed. I probably would've asked her if it was OK to tell somebody else, but that probably has something to do with me being overly-cautious sometimes.
I 100% agree with this. I do think he should have spoken to her before saying something, however it is not the thing that generally comes to guys minds. I get the stress and the fear of having a rainbow baby (Had one myself) but the biggest thing is she should have spoken to him. Said something "I will tell everyone or anyone when I am ready to tell them. I want help from my family so let's just leave it with them." I say grab apple but I wouldn't through him under the bus like she did and be so angry. It was a miscommunication and she is as guilty as he is.
I also agree. I would also add that it is good for people to have a support system outside of their spouse/partner. Even though he is not the one who carried the child, it is still his child and will have felt that loss and is more than likely feeling the same fear his wife is feeling. When it comes to miscarriages, the male partners feelings are often disregarded. The fact that she told her sister, who is obviously her support system completely counteracts the whole "I wasn't ready to tell people yet" excuse for being mad, imo
True but she needs to be firm now about whether she wants MIL in the delivery room. She needs to make it clear because he sounds like the kind of person who would not understand why her mum/sister can be there but she might not want MIL there
Story 2: I'd be worried about the therapist not providing the same level of care because they weren't being tipped. Someone who asked for something unethical is more likely to go down other unethical routes. Story 3: I agree with the OP that if your kid needs a stuffed toy to sleep, and you know this, you bring a damn toy when you visit people long enough that your kid may need a nap.
Or even if the child doesn’t need a nap, always have something comforting with you (or let the child take it with them) in case, because the child is tiny and what if you end up having a car breakdown in a sandstorm.
Also for fostering, if parental rights werent terminated they can't adopt. They move kids around in the system so much for different reasons so chances are they couldn't adopt him because the parental rights hadnt been terminated and then the state decided to move him somewhere else. So they could have very well wanted to adopt him but couldn't. It can be really hard to get parental rights terminated even if they are terrible parents.
My mom really wanted to adopt my biological cousin but couldn’t get rights severed. She moved out when I was a toddler, so we really didn’t grow up together. That on top of her never being legally adopted makes me feel like I owe people an explanation when I call her my sister.
That!! And it’s incredibly mean to imply that the foster parents did not love the husband that much, as they did not adopt him, and therefore his feelings about the stuffed polar bear are not valid. Why say that to someone!? And even if the foster parents “did not love him that much” (just playing devil’s advocate), that doesn’t invalidate his feelings about the polar bear. The polar bear is a loved old grand-bear that is a bit too frail to play with kids.
I would have moved from good apple to crab apple for telling his mom then doubling down. It’s perfectly reasonable to tell your mom your wife is pregnant. If it was discussed ahead of time that would be different. I had several miscarriages myself. After the first two, my husband and I together made the decision to wait until we were beyond the first trimester to tell people. We had a couple of exceptions and we agreed to tell only those specific people. I was the one who requested this, but my husband was happy to wait because he loves me. Communication would have been helpful for this couple.
for number 3: she said it was his first foster family - often, the first family could be an emergency placement taking kids when they need a home just as they’re entering the system. often, they aren’t with these families for long and these families aren’t involved in the system with the intent to adopt. they’re specifically doing emergency placement which is SO SO IMPORTANT!!! someone who knows more can correct me if i’m wrong, but i think people who do emergency don’t typically take long term or adoption placements because they want to always be able to any emergency placement. or people that are in it for adoption may not be up for the last minute of emergency. so it’s very possible that that’s what the situation with the husbands first foster family was!
Some children are also not able to be adopted. When children enter the foster system, the goal is reunification with biological parents/ family. So the option of adoption may not even have been on the table. Also, he may have gone back and forth from his biological home and then back into the system, which doesn’t guarantee that he would go back to the same foster family. Fostering is truly so important, and it was so rude that the sister made such huge assumptions.
@@katek2504 i was also thinking that at the time of his first placement adoption might not have been an option, like there may have been some kind of legality blocking him from being adopted. i wasn't aware of what @sarahtonkin4640 said about emergency placements and homes that don't take long-term placements so they always have a place for emergency cases. if that's true then it would make sense why they didn't adopt him but still wanted him to feel loved. or it may be that he kept the polar bear because that first foster home made him feel safe and/or loved for the first time in his life. god that's a sad thought... 😢
I think the story was in the USA, where fostering to adopt is fairly common, but in a lot of place (including in Belgium where I live) it is almost impossible to adopt a child who still has a living parent, however a child may live with the foster family for many years and all (adult) parties know there is very little chance the child will even return to the biological parents. Just because a child is not legally yours doesn’t mean you do not love them!!
Story 3: I'm 34 and moved cross country earlier this year. Several boxes of stuffed animals moved with me. Many are ones I love and keep with me. The sister is the bad apple, OP is the good one. Good job looking out for your husband's plush friend! One is never too old for stuffed animals!
about the last story, I keep thinking of the detail that she never communicate any fears of anxiety to the husband, thats just a thing we think could be happening, but she did not express any particular feelings about this to the husband, so he did what he though it was appropriate with the info he had at the time. Crab apple for doubleling down tho
He does deserve to double down especially since she told her sister. He needs his own support as well. Even if she miscarried again. She'll have support he won't. She'll be too broken to support him, then she may even get angry at him for telling his support system they miscarried. So his option is what? Suffer in silence?
There is always the MIL and DIL relationship that has some form of tension. She probably needs someone who, and true we don't know for sure, who has possibly recently gone through pregnancy herself-probably the sister. Also, if something happens, the sister will most likely not have any thoughts, looks or shame towards her. There could be that fear in the back of her mind or added anxiety that she could get that from the MIL. This can add stress and raise her blood pressure, which you do not want during pregnancy.
@@charlest7962He has no right to assume it was ok to tell others, and he's an ass for doubling down on it. She's pregnant, there is a human growing in her stomach. She has lost babies before, it is likely that she will lose this one as well. Mil and dil relationships tend to be very strained. I HIGHLY doubt they have a close relationship based on the story. This is his wife's MEDICAL information. This is like him telling his mom his wife has cancer without her permission. He can have a support system, it's called a therapist. And if the worst does happen and she does miscarry then he can ask to tell his mom.
@@ScarlettPlayz_ so suffer in silence until he can't take it and permanently checks out? Got it. Hopefully you don't have a son who you tell just suck it up. It's all about the woman and what you feel or think doesn't matter. Would feel really great as a mom right? Well son even though if the marriage doesn't work out she can drain you in child support it's all about her. You're just meant to be there in the corner with your mouth shut. It's his kid too. She told her sister. He told his mother. What if it isn't his and she cheated? Men need help too. Men need support as well. If she's a toxic MIL that's one thing. But this affects his life as well, for better or worse.
@@Rebecca.Rogers I don’t mean to be that person who just reply’s to creators replying to a creator and I don’t know if u get annoyed by that or not but I LOVE you! You make me laugh or understand someone else’s perspective! Also if our friendly neighborhood lawyer man is down for it maybe you guys can do a bad apple episode together? Not trying to push! Just a suggestion :)
I personally think that the entirety of story four could have been avoided if they had a talk about what there next step was when they first found out they were pregnant. It’s a horrible thing and I sincerely hope it works out for them, but I agree with how he wants a support system through this as well. He should not have said he didn’t do anything wrong, and should have apologized and said I won’t tell anyone else. I go Crab Apple.
With my daughter, my ex husband decided to call and tell his dad and then insisted we not tell my family until 12 weeks was up “just in case”. So I really feel for the husband in story 4 as I know how he feels.
For the last story. I'm very on the fence. I've had a miscarriage. I know how hard that is to go through. But I also remember how hard it was for my partner at the time too. He lost a child too. And in my experience, a lot of women isolate themselves and don't even realise how much that loss affects their partners. If, the universe forbid, something goes wrong with this pregnancy, he deserves support too, especially if he feels their own crushing grief prevented them from properly supporting each other the last time. In saying that, I also think they both should have discussed it before telling anyone, given the high strung emotions involved. I'm going crab apple. 🦀🍎
I 100% agree. Each time I got pregnant my husband and I had a conversation about who we wanted to tell and when. With my second pregnancy I ended telling people much sooner then I actually felt comfortable with because I was so violently ill I needed help with the day to day. I agree that the doubling down is a problem.
I have had 3 miscarriages and I was able to talk to my husband's family. My husband took all the miscarriages just as hard as I did but he refused to open up about it. He keeps it inside. I found him crying in the shower one day and let him cry it out in peace- he was trying to stay strong for me but needed his time to grieve also
@@jenniferfoster426 I'm so sorry for your losses. One was hard enough, I can't imagine three. I hope you and your husband are healing as best you can ❤️
Story 4 My husband announced I was pregnant with our second after 7 months earlier losing a baby to his parents after we discussed we wouldn't talk them yet because his Dad is a huge blabber mouth. So as expected the rest of his siblings found out too before we were ready to announce it cause he made a comment to a stranger at Burger King in front of them while holding the current youngest grandchildren "Yeah this is my youngest grand baby.... well at least for a few more months" They quickly figured out when they both new they were not expecting cause I was the only other option. So yeah. I would actually say crabapple cause they didn't seem to have discussed it but I agree it's worse when he doubles down. Sorry for run on sentences lol
My opinion on story #4: Personally I’d say crab apple, just because she told her sister, so it seems a lil hypocritical for him to not be able to tell the woman who raised him.
Story #2: I am a speech language pathologist (therapist) and I could lose my license if I asked for a tip. If I take money from an insurance company, medicare, medicaid, dept of deveopmental disabilities, etc. I would lose my ability to bill those entities if I asked a client/family for additional payment beyond what those agencies pay me. BTW, I love this content--great for teaching social judgement skills.
My wife and I went tru 5 miscarriages. I can tell you, as a husband, it ripped me up inside losing a child, seeing my wife in so much pain, and not being able to do anything about it. OP and his wife need to remember that they are on the same team. They should talk about who knows about the baby while realizing that they both need support outside of the marriage. OP now needs to look at what his wife's and his mother relationship is. Does the wife feel judged by the mother. Encouraging the mother to reach out to the wife and tell her own stories of miscarriages could help out alot.
Absolutely it isn’t. That therapist needs to be reported to the state board for unethical behavior. She should lose her license. If she’s doing this to her she’s 100% doing this to other people. (I work in billing for a mental health facility and this horrified me.)
I’m currently pregnant with my second baby, and my heart aches for the wife in the last story. While I’m a firm believer that the father tends to experience a lot of emotional turmoil during the pregnancy, they will never be able to truly understand the maternal experience. I personally didn’t have any trouble conceiving, and I STILL felt such a heavy weight in worrying that something would happen and I would disappoint/hurt sooo many people - even though it would be a trauma directly happening to ME. I think the best understanding that I got from communicating with my husband l that OP is missing is; while the father may feel protective/responsible in regards to the child during pregnancy, the mother feels directly responsible and held accountable for anything that involves them. Even though I knew it wouldn’t have been my fault, I felt as though my body was responsible for keeping that baby safe.. it created an insane anxiety that was hard for my husband to understand. I think there’s a total lack of communication between the OP and the wife 😕
Also in number 4, maybe SHE should be the one to take a step back and recognize it’s his child too. She never communicated she wanted to keep it under wraps, she should’ve known her husband well enough to know he wanted to tell his support system.
As a side note for story #2, if you don’t feel like therapy is helping you after 2 years, it’s waaaayy overdue to find a new therapist. You should feel like it’s a good fit and progress is being made very early on. For story #4, I would have gone with good apple (or at least crab apple). While I completely understand the wife’s reasoning, at the end of the day, she did NOT communicate that she wanted it to be kept a secret. So how was the husband supposed to know? To make matters worse, her telling the sister while not wanting him to tell his mother is not fair.
Yes. It is. She was pregnant. He was not pregnant. It wasn't his news to share. He should have asked if his wife was ok with the news of her pregnancy being shared. Until the baby is born, only one person in the couple has any and all say over what is said about, done to, or known about her pregnancy.
@@LillithPlaysSims It is her body obviously. However the more you cut a father out of the process, the longer it takes for him to prepare for fatherhood. He might have trouble bonding. Or in extreme cases, not trying to fulfill his duties.
Story 4 I would probably say crab apple it should have been a discussion but it’s also his news too. While it is harder in the woman typically, we shouldn’t downplay the difficulty for the man and if the worst happens he should be able to reach out to family for support just like his wife can
As someone who has had TWO miscarriages and ZERO children I don’t think he’s the bad apple. My husband has had 3 miscarriages in his lifetime. He feels the stress more than me in some ways. Most ways I’m the stress head but in some ways he has had an extra loss (much later as well) so I totally understand why the whole thing would be stressful. I think if she’s allowed to tell HER support network because of miscarriages then HE IS TOO!! THE LOSSES HAPPENED TO HIM TOO!!
@mayaswellbethewifesaccount7625 I have also suffered 2 miscarriages with no children while my partner has suffered 3 as well...so sometimes I feel like it effected him even more.I totally agree with you,it's also his baby and he went through the same loss and should also be able to have a support system.
I think it was terrible if him to assume it was ok. I think it's ok to tell her sister for many reasons, but the only one in going to mention is that they are probably super close. I imagine that she found out near her sister (like took the test in her sister's bathroom or smth). It's also her body and she probably knew her sister wouldn't pressure her the way her mother in law most likely will. Overall, it's just not his news to share.
@@ScarlettPlayz_ it IS his news to share. And he’s close to his mother! It’s HIS baby too! My husband is allowed to tell anyone he wants and I’m extremely high risk. The rules just is he has to be the one to tell them I miscarried again. I’m not telling anyone but my mum and best friends next time because I don’t want to see the disappointment on their faces.
@@daniellelukis8216 I’m so sorry for your losses and his losses. It’s not fair in the slightest. I hope you get your double rainbow soon. I am currently undergoing IVF so I hope mine is soon too.
@@ScarlettPlayz_ that’s also a very wild theory that she took the test in her SISTERS BATHROOM? Isn’t it part of the rules we don’t make up information???? You definitely made up information. It’s hypocritical to tell someone close to you and not allow your HUSBAND to tell his MOTHER. I’m not going to tell my sister but I am going to tell my mum.
You are so correct about the stuff animal story! My niece and nephew know what they can’t touch and can. I have toys they cannot, I love collecting dolls. I have dolls I love but they are allow to touch and a few Nope. Their mom is also always in my side too.
For story three: what would the sister have done if there was no stuffed animals? This feels like she trying to steal the bear & was using the ‘oh she needs a stuffed animal to be able to fall asleep’ as an excuse
For story 4, I am going to go crab apple. I agree with you that the miscarriage is physically harder on the woman. Emotionally it can depend on the situation. But I think that kinda strays from the point. The news of the pregnancy is both of theirs. In my opinion, if either one of them had a strong feeling about who they could or could not tell about it, that should have been communicated. Did the wife ask permission from the husband before she told her sister about the pregnancy? It didn't say in the story, so I'm guessing not. If she didn't think she needed to run it by her husband before she shared the news to her support system, then I don't think she can reasonably expect the husband to seek out her approval before he tells his support system. Not unless there was another conversation about not telling anybody. This is an issue of communication. I don't think the husband is at fault for sharing his news with his mother (whom he is close with). And yes, I do feel like the fact that he and his wife are expecting a baby is just as much his news as it is hers. The pregnancy is physically hers, but the news of it is shared in my opinion. I think that this gets into similar territory to how a mother taking care of her child is parenting but a father taking care of his child is babysitting. That is such an infuriating thing to me. If a dad is an equal parent, he should be treated as an equal parent. It's his child just as much as it is hers. If he's excited about the pregnancy, I think that is his news to tell just as much as it is hers. If she felt some sort of way about him telling people, she should have communicated that with him. He's not a mind reader, so he can't know that she felt like she didn't want his mom to know if something goes wrong in the pregnancy. He probably would never have thought of the eyes on her type of thing on his own. The only thing about this that keeps me from saying he is the good apple is that he dug his feet in. I think he should have apologized for making her feel that way. And he should have more tactfully explained to her that if she didn't want him to share the news that he was going to be a father with those closes to him then she should have talked to him about that. But I do not think he was in the wrong at all for simply sharing the news of the pregnancy. The news that he was going to be a father. And it's not even as though he was making some big public post about it. He told his mom. Who is seemingly his support system, just like the wife's sister is her support system. The only way he could possibly be in the wrong for sharing the news is if he and his wife talked about it beforehand and she expressed to him that it made her uncomfortable that he share it. But that doesn't seem to be what happened based on the story.
I completely agree. I’m 27 weeks pregnant myself. Men need support too for these emotional things. Like we say we want emotional men and that toxic masculinity is a thing and we need men to be vulnerable. Which I completely agree with. But then say he has no right to tell a singular person if he needs emotional support? It’s his life too. Just because he’s not physically pregnant and won’t physically have to miscarry if something happens, doesn’t mean he isn’t entitled to one person for support.
I agree with pretty much everything you said. One thing I do think is important to point out is that OP didn’t say that he argued with his wife about her being upset. He said “in my defense,” which could mean that everything after that was him sharing his private thoughts and feelings about the situation. He could’ve responded perfectly to her and been super supportive and hid those feelings from her. Assuming that he “dug his feet in” to her face is just that: an assumption. He only asked if he was the bad apple for sharing, not for how he reacted later. Other than that, your post was very well written and made a lot of really good points.
With story 4 - i agree and i think the main reason i disagree with people saying otherwise is the doubling down and just unempathic he is about how his wife is feeling. She definitely should have had a conversation with him, and that's where she was wrong, but he's wrong for not apologizing after the fact. A simple "I'm sorry, i had no idea you were feeling like this, i thought it was okay because you told your sister. I wish you had told me sooner, i won't tell anyone else until you're ready" instead of "I'm right and you're wrong and also fuck how you feel" Not exactly what you want from a partner.
The problem is you're missing how he feels. I'm sure he had unsupported pain when she miscarried. He had to be there for her. He had to be strong he had to be her rock, but no one would be there for him because " he didn't miscarry" why should he feel bad. People don't realize that men can become very emotionally involved. One of my buddies was damn near suicidal because his now wife was gonna abort their accident of a child just because. I had to talk him down and stay with him through that night to make sure that he didn't do something stupid. She eventually came down and they had the kid together but he was so excited to think he would be a dad in his mind he was already creating memories with that kid and figuring how to work for their future.
@@charlest7962 you’re assuming a whole lot. For all we know, he could’ve had a lot of support and he and his wife could’ve equally helped each other through it. I’m not sure who still believes that men can’t be very emotionally involved.
I don't fully agree with story 4 for 2 key details. The first is they have a child together, meaning that he also has things to say about who to tell certain things to his family. Secondly she told her sister about it, why can't he talk to his mother about the news if she can tell her sister? If she wouldn't have told her sister my opinion on this would have completely changed
Because maybe, yes we don't know for sure, the wife would like to talk to someone who has gone through pregnancy within her generation, for support. That could be her sister. Also, this is medical too, and went through complications last time. If she had an illness or medical condition (touch wood not) instead of being pregnant, hypothetically speaking, would he have told his mom before talking to his wife for then?! Probably not! One is for her own support that she could need for her own mental wellbeing, in hopes for a smooth pregnancy. A confidant in this situation. Husband won't understand, physically, what the body goes through. Especially with current science on it, the sister could.The other, until she is ready, could cause stress and potentially increase blood pressure due to stress/anxiousness, which you don't want while pregnant.
100%, I agree. Yet, did you notice she didn't tell her mom? Maybe with mothers for her there is too much pressure or expectations. Also, the fear of the wife of, since it is a thing not talked about enough, that his mom/MIL could judge her if it doesn't work out. Also, it is still medical and her body, so on his end a discussion first is warranted because it is a medical thing happening to her body. Her doctor couldn't tell the husband without her permission. Maybe it wasn't that he couldn't tell anyone, but it was the MIL that she was more afraid of knowing just yet. You don't want added stress if the pregnancy is high risk, which they don't know if it is or not cause it's too new. The difference is, the person she shares with adds stress relief, the person he shared with adds stress to her. The discussion is who he can tell, and that should have been chatted about for the stress level of the wife.
@@turtlebirdrox and what if he is an only child? Or what if he just trusts his mother a lot and loves her dearly? He can have his support system the same way the wife does. And it’s not just her body, it’s also the body within of the unborn child which he helped to create
story 4: my aunt had a baby a while ago after a bunch of miscarriages abd she didn't tell anyone untill she was in labor and everyone got upset about it but idk i just dont understand why you would get upset about a decision that someone else made for their own body
They told no one. Not someone and you can't tell anyone. The family can be upset because if they're a close family which may be called on to help with the child, maybe enough to get gifts for, possibly babysit or in the event of death have to take on the responsibility of raising the child as next of kin eh. It's a bit much. Their initial upset is justified because of that burden. But anything beyond that would be pointless
@@charlest7962 shes has cronic anxiety ber whole life and the miscarriages just made everything worse, she didnt want people feeling sorry for her again if she did have a miscarriage and shes not too well knowledgeable about the pregnancy process so she was being careful
@@charlest7962....Lol what? Dude. No? They don't get to be upset. And if they feel so entitled to know about the pregnancy they abandon mother and/or child in a time of need because it wasn't any of their business than they better be ready to be barred from the childs life completely.
@@LillithPlaysSims Everyone’s feelings are valid. They can be upset. It’s understandable. Taking that out on the new mother wouldn’t be a good move, but they have every right to feel whatever they feel.
@@RavenMistwolf Agree to disagree. I mean sometimes shit is very simply just...not your goddamn business and you need to suck it up, stow your shit, and yes, most certainly, not make a new mothers life harder. But we live way too much in an "everyones feelings are equally valid" world, and that simply isnt true in every situation. Sometimes your feelings are just gonna have to be YOUR problem and not something someone else is expected to cater to all the time.
In #4, she never explained that she didn't want him to say anything until yelling at him for doing so. Whatever he did/said after that is not important. The "Apple action" was telling his mom which, by all accounts, was perfectly fine to do. He's a Good Apple, regardless of his reaction afterwards.
For number 4 I would disagree and say crabapple. Like yeah, he shouldn't have doubled down on it and should've had a conversation about how it makes the both of them feel. That was extremely immature of him. However, she should've communicated to him her thoughts and feelings if she wanted him to act a certain way and shouldn't get mad at him for not reading her mind. And he should also have a support system in case something goes wrong as well, because while he might be going through different emotions than her, he should still be able to have somebody to support him if a miscarriage happens again. But yeah, he should have NOT made this into an argument. I would like to note, though, that I totally understand why she would be mad at him because he definitely could've asked before telling his mom. But I just don't think he was wrong to the point of being a bad apple.
Last story: My take is Crab Apple. There should have been a conversation between the couple to discuss what the expecting mother is comfortable with. She is totally valid for wanting to wait however long it is before sharing. They should have discussed when and who they share with. I'm not sure if they talked about it. This is biased on the information we have from the story. If he mentioned that the discussion took place I would be more willing and open to Bad Apple.
Damn tipping has gotten so out of hand even THERAPISTS think they’re entitled to one? 😂 Nah you can just catch me being as crazy as Batman in that case
Story 4: If he had did this after she properly communicated that she was being careful about who knew about her pregnancy, then I would say he was in the wrong. But she didn't. He didn't know telling his mother would be such a huge thing because she never stated that it would be. So because of that, I have to go good apple. He can't really be blamed for telling his mother about the pregnancy if she never told him he wanted his mother know about the pregnancy.
I know medical professionals can't accept monetary gifts, or things valued over $100 from patients, so I feel like asking for a tip definitely falls into that category.
I'm going crab apple for the last one, it's his news too, just because she's the woman and she's carrying the baby, doesn't mean that she automatically has more grief than the husband, I also think it's a bit unfair for the wife to be able to tell her friend, someone outside of the family, but the husband can't even tell his mom, the reason I'm going crab apple is because of the way he handled it, he could have been more understanding and took a calmer approach towards it, but I don't think he was in the wrong for telling his mom
Story 3: Good Apple she knows what is important to her husband and she is protecting that. Thankfully I haven’t been in the foster care system (and hopefully never will) but my stuffed animals are so important to me. Whenever I’m sad they’re there for me or when I need to talk they’ve been there more than any person has. Most of my animals are from special moments in my life or special people (like and uncle or a gift when you’re feeling unwell). Plus if the mom knew her kid was tired or gonna sleep she should’ve brought one with. If that woman told me to give my precious stuffed animal to her kid and said I was a teenager and too old for them I would be so livid! You can’t just let your kid have or do whatever and honestly if they continue to do that in their child’s life they could potentially be raising a spoiled kid. Story 4: Crab/Bad As he says “It’s our kid” they should have discussed with each other if it’s okay to share the news. The wife has been through a lot and so has the husband but they should have communicated better and the husband if the wife didn’t want the news to be shared should be respected. Even though the wife hasn’t said anything to you you probably shouldn’t have told anyone unless you were given an okay from the wife because you don’t know if something will go wrong (I hope not and I wish them well). This could have been handled differently which is why I’m think crab/ bad apple.
I'm a Momma of 4, from 2-18... if your child can't sleep without something you bring it or you ASK if whoever you're visiting to borrow something! You're NOT entitled to someone else's things!!!
My family fosters and of the kids that we fostered went home but later went back into the foster system and we couldn't take him in again for a bunch of reasons. I still love that little boy with my whole heart and still consider him my little brother and it's been years now.
Apple 4: i want to say crab apple. If she didnt tell him not to say anything then he can't be blamed for telling his mom. He should have listened to his wife after she explained her fear and then told him mom not to say anything until they make a formal announcement
As someone who had a foster sister (I was an adult and as saw and understood more of what was going on), and as someone who fosters rabbits (I KNOW they are not children, but hear me out).... If all fosters ended up adopting, there would be no loving, safe place for those entering the system to go to initially. And not all children in the system are adoptable. I had a friend who had to go in because her mother and here were literally it, and her mother ended up in the hospital needing several life saving surgeries that took almost a year, including recovery. When her mother was healed, she was able to go back, but absolutely needed the foster system during that time.
Story #4: I’d still go crabapple. He was honestly worried and scared himself and neither he nor his wife communicated well. I think instead of being outraged by her strong reaction he should be happy she is so upset, it might mean the pregnancy hormones are strong, which at the early stage is what keeps baby growing. Get her chocolate, or whatever snack she craves and say sorry.
@@idamaylara7855 obviously pregnancy hormones are real, but being upset does not help the baby grow. So don’t hope for people to be upset. That’s just mean and ignorant.
For the last one I 100% believe that the last one is a good apple because the wife never dictated that he shouldn’t share the news! If she shared with her sister then he thinks that she doesn’t mind telling immediate family!
For the foster care story, the goal of the foster care system is to provide temporary care before a reunification is possible. One of the things I have researched about is an age limit on who I would be able to care for as a couple in a 1 bedroom apartment. We have the love and ability to take in a child under 2. I would not be able to get a 3 year old placed in my care right now. If a child got too old for the apartment, decisions would need to be made. Is the child up for adoption or is reunification still the goal? Do we keep them longer for continuity of care or is the 2nd birthday a solid cutoff date? Is it possible/helpful to move? There are plenty of reasons why a foster child does not stay with the first family and the sister was insensitive about all of that.
i think something you missed on the 4th story is the husband said his wife had allready told her sister.i wouldve gone crabapple.any husband wants to tell the world when his wife is expecting.
As someone who has had miscarriages I can understand wanting to wait to tell others. I agree with you that it would have been crab apple except that he stuck to his feelings instead of considering hers. Also, something I would never have thought of is the misplaced guilt by both the pregnant lady as well as others. Even good people sometimes have a misconception that a miscarriage happens because the mother didn't do everything right or because something happened that could have been prevented. I consider my in-laws to be amazing people but somewhere along the way my husband was left thinking that our miscarriage happened because I didn't something that wasn't good for a pregnant woman. It took a couple of obgyns telling him it wasn't anything like that because afew people we knew and respected thought that way and kept falsely reconfirming what he originally thought. After that we just kinda made a game out of seeing how quickly people figured it out on their own.
Story 4 is crazy. Lady should have told dude to not tell anybody. Dude shouldn't have invalidate her when she expressed that she's not comfortable with people knowing there's a zygote inside of her that may not make it to become a fetus or a healthy born baby and then having all this family giving you condolences and asking you questions and giving you advice on how to not lose the baby when you're barely holding yourself together as is 🙄 Communication, respect, empathy, and humility is not present in this relationship. These people don't need to be having kids rn. They need to be having couples therapy.
She's also not respecting him. It's his kid too. How much support do you think he got after the last miscarriage? Us dudes are supposed to be emotionless rocks and only be emotional in support of women.
Story #3: I’m 21. I have a stuffed duck who was given to me when I was born. I have been on numerous trips out of my home in Ireland and guess where the duck was for them? WITH ME ❤ I bring this stuffed duck on every trip with me because I struggle with home sickness even when I’m away with my family so the duck reminds me of the scents near my home. My boyfriend is aware of this fact and when I fly back to America to visit him again next month for my 22nd birthday and we go to stay with our friends they all know the duck is coming with me and are A-OK with it because they know it means a lot to me. ❤
with the pregnant wife situation, I definitely think they both need to communicate more and they needed to talk about when they were going to tell people and I understand both sides to an extent because I see how he doesn’t see the problem and he didn’t mean to hurt her at all and I think that her emotions towards it are totally valid too but that they should both have communicated more with each other. I definitely agree with you that he should’ve been understanding after she told him her side and I think that makes him the bad apple
Story #1: I'm going Crab Apple for the lack of information we have in the story. How much do they use that outdoor area? How much of the sink does she clean regularly that she didn't mention? I believe that cleaning in a multi-person home should be based on use with common areas going on a rotation. And probably there isn't a contract on paper, but agreeing to something verbally before moving in is its own form of contract and changing it while a deadbeat lives there isn't cool unless the kids are making messes all the time. Story #2: Never mention an influx of cash to anyone, ever. Human beings will respond with "Oh good for you, now how can I get some of that?" Completely unethical for the therapist though. Story #3: You summed that up well. It doesn't matter what it was. It was a sentimental item to him, and you don't borrow someone's sentimental items, especially if they're fragile. Story #4: This is what happens when you don't communicate with each other. When you become pregnant, you jointly decide when you want to tell people so no one blurts early. They clearly didn't do that for some reason (and I can think of one that is very, very, very wrong on the woman to do--she wanted to leave his family in the dark completely on the pregnancy though I hope that wasn't it). But the bottom line is that when she started telling people, that opened it up to it being okay for the father of the baby to do so too. You don't get to be that selective on news like that. It's either radio silence, radio silence except for close family (on both sides), or everyone knows. If she'd said straight up "Honey, I want to keep this a secret until X weeks but I'm telling my sister.", and he'd done that the bad apple would be fitting. She didn't do that for whatever reason. I'm going good apple.
I’ve had a stuffed blanket bear since I was a baby. I’ve loved the heck out of that bear. He’s my baby. If anyone tried to take him away my whole world would fall apart. He’s my comfort stuffy.
For #2 I would personally say bad apple. This is because the mother is being very inconsiderate to her son. Going to a therapist for years develops bonds for your child. To rip that away can add to whatever problems your child is having. It can also add to your child’s problem if they have to go to a new therapist or not go to one at all. However, I get that the mother was doing the right thing by her ❤
Number 4 - Wow, that is a rough one. I could go in a lot of ways but I don't agree with your reasoning. I could go bad batch because everyone involved is doubling down after not properly communicating. The wife is just as guilty here, she hasn't stepped back to understand why he is struggling to understand her point and to be frank he needs to do the same. Everyone involved was stupid and made assumptions about what the other peoples feelings were and then when it became an issue not a single person acted like an adult and stepped back apologized for how their actions contributed (he should apologize for not seeking to understand her feelings here and she needs to apologize for not communicating that she wanted to wait except for specific people). I see no problem with her being okay with some people knowing and others not but if that is the case she needs to tell him that before she starts telling people. If she had not told her sister first, he would be 100% wrong. I could go crab apple because the signs were not clear and I think the point where she told her sister and did not tell him that the sister was an exception is a really mixed signal. He still should have talked to her but communication is a two way street. He is a crab apple because at the end of the day what really matters here is that his wife is upset and even though she is just as guilty, he is really lacking empathy to her needs and feelings. I could also accept good apple here though that is a bit harder. If we only look at him telling his mom and not the actions and lack of empathy after, I don't think he necessarily did something wrong. When she told her sister and didn't communicate that she wasn't ready for him to tell anybody else yet that caused the situation. I don't know if I can say he is the 'only' bad apple. So with all that - I am going bad batch. This whole group of people sound awful, glad they aren't my friends/family.
Mrs Rodgers, about number four… wife NEVER told husband that she didn’t want the news shared. He can’t read her mind and yes, she might be traumatized from the miscarriage but she still has to speak up because again, like you said, he doesn’t know how it feels and he can be upset because it takes 2 to make a baby no matter what so he can be upset about what had happened but again, he was never told he wasn’t allowed to share this news. Also yes it is still his child and again, 2 people make a baby no matter what and yes, only the wife is pregnant but she told her sister so husband assumed he could tell his mom. He didn’t post about it or tell anyone else, just his mom who he is close with. I understand how wife is upset about it but the news has been shared and ignoring her husband won’t change that 1 he was never prohibited from sharing and 2 he already shared it. We also don’t know if husband’s mom is close with the wife because some people are close with their in-laws so maybe she didn’t want people knowing but it could be worse. If baby is born people will know anyways and if she has a miscarriage, everyone will also know and grieve. I don’t know husband sounds like a mixture of Good Apple and Crab Apple because there’s different points he was Good and other he was Crabby. That’s just my opinion and how I saw the situation so um yeah idk I love you Mrs Rodgers hope you’re doing well ☺️
#4: I’d go crab apple. I don’t see a problem with him telling his mom, especially cause he said she was telling people too and she never communicated that she didn’t what him to say anything. I would go good apple but I agree he shouldn’t have brushed her feelings to the side, so crab apple. Also, it feels hypocritical for her to tell her sister but him not to tell his mom, they need better communication and he needs to learn how to listen better.
I did end up looking into the tip thing, and you can risk losing your license if as a medical professional accepts a tip that is offered, let alone asking for one
If the pregnant girl was so adamant about no one knowing, she should have communicated it. I get really tired of the. "It's my body " argument. Men have rights to. Why can she tell, but he can't.
I respect your opinion, but honestly, she didn’t tell him that it was a secret. Plus she told her sister first so I could see why he thought it was OK.
Story 2: (confused in British) Story 4: It will be physically more difficult on the woman. However, as a man who had a similar experience, I too experienced guilt, shame and grief. If the wife did not communicate that she didn't want this news to be shared, how was he supposed to know? Good apple. The wife is also not a bad apple; it's a horribly tough situation.
I got a notification when this came out and I thought it was Avery doing something like when he didn't let rebecca get a cat from Hawaii again forgetting that it was Tuesday 😂😂 so excited to watch this weeks
Apple #1 depends A TON on the location, the actual cost of the house/mortgage/average rent, the size and quality of the house/rooms, and the experience of renting there. Was OP originally only responsible for the two bedrooms and the bathroom because those are the only rooms OP's family has unlimited access to? Is OP paying more to use that limited space than the friend pays/paid to own that house? Is the bathroom truly private (i.e. adjoining the bedrooms and/or clear of ANYBODY else's belongings)? Is the adult daughter exceptionally messy or otherwise a bad roommate, and that's why OP takes issue with the fact that she doesn't do chores? OP's kids are tweens, which means the childcare involved in their bedtime and morning routines probably isn't all that hands on (although, "They barely help with my kids as it is!" does read super entitled), but are the kids respectful, or do they stomp up the stairs in muddy shoes, leaving Cheeto dust and Legos in their wake, and that's why the landlord is insisting upon more chores? Without more details, I would have to vote Crab Apple. Sure, some tenants are entitled, but plenty are exploited as well.
Agree with you except for Apple #4. I had 2 miscarriages and they were very hard. I also have 2 rainbow babies. My husband was there every step of the way. The 2 times I got pregnant after each miscarriages I was nervous, and didn't want to tell everyone. Yet I was okay with telling my Mom, my Dad, and my M-I-L. I know my husband did not get to physically carry our 2 babies, but he was as devastated as me. He was also nervous and excited when e got pregnant again. So no not the bad apple. If she did not want anyone to know then she should have communicated that with HER HUSBAND and she should not have told the sister. Seriously why is the Husbands/Dad's feeling not as important?
The sister in story 3 obviously doesn’t understand what foster parents do. They are meant to keep the child until they grow up or their bio parents are ready to be parent’s•
Foster parents CAN adopt the child but it's not always that easy. If a foster parent IS going to keep a child until they grow up that means that parental rights were most likely terminated and they probably would adopt them. The main goal is reunification. It's clear that OP's husband aged out so he wasn't reunified but it could have been that for whatever reason rights weren't terminated or if they were it was AFTER he left their home. They could have wanted to adopt but wasn't able to.
Why would anyone want to raise a child giving that child every single thing they want? Don't they know what kind of monster they'd be creating? My former husband was super excited to be a dad and everytime we would take our first baby into a store he would buy him some small trinket or toy. I realized this was becoming a pattern and I explained that we couldn't do that. It took a lot of explaining why. So the next time we went to the store and the baby pointed at something he liked or wanted, he got nothing but kisses and attention. Pretty quickly, he was in full blown crying fit. Lasted the whole shopping trip and the husband-at-the-time want to cave, but I stood strong. They both survived, and the next shopping trip didn't have such fits to deal with.
For story 3 i say crab apple because the wife did not ask OP to not tell it to anybody and it was his mom and as he is saying in the story he is really close with her. also he could tell her sister and i know that people are scared of miscarriage's but if you really are that scared you would not tell anybody and deffently say to youre husband who you are MARRIED to that you don't want it to be shared
I think it's good to wait until after 1st trimest to tell people. Only because I told people right away when I found out I was pregnant. Well I ended up having a miscarriage shortly after I told them 😢😢😢 so then I had to keep telling everyone we weren't having a baby anymore. It was so hard.
For number four I think the problem is that she told her sister but won’t let you tell her mother. So like he might be like oh she told her sister so I can tell my mom. I think I’d say crab apple
If the therapist feels as though that insurance does not pay enough, if she is in a private practice, she can stop accepting that insurance. You cannot ask your patients to pay extra for your benefit, you just can't.
Stuffed Animal Story: From what limited amount of information I know, the first family is usually a short-term transitional foster situation. They drop everything to pick up a kid in need when they have availability and they are the unsung heroes of the foster care world. They identify triggers, help the kid to grasp what is going on, aid in the investigation by facilitating access, etc... They are best utilized for as many kids as possible. Once they feel the kid is ready to move either back with their parents, other family, or a more long term foster situation then they open their home to the next person who needs immediate help. They are never meant to adopt their charges. They can choose to back away from the short term and into the long term, but the need is so great that they generally hold on as long as they can. Now, they love each and every one of the kids that they pick up. It's what makes them ideal for this work. It also breaks their heart every time. If it didn't, they wouldn't be the right person. If they gave him a stuffed animal and he cherished it that much, then they gave him some words that he revisits when he gets that stuffed animal. It's not an object, it's a memory. It's a way to go back to a moment of healing and repeat the words. If he lost that stuffed animal, the memory would be tarnished by the loss. We, as people, generally outgrow our stuffed animals because we make new adult memories with people that supersede the ones made in childhood. We have enough memories that the memories with that stuffed animal are not as important. But the memories of healing in that first foster home are tied up in that polar bear. They are the lynchpin that allows him to visit those memories. In a sea of impermanence and pain, that bear is a constant. In addition, who lets their kid snuggle with a 10-year-old stuffed animal? I'd just say "We don't wash it for fear of destroying it" and that will shut the parent right up. Maybe throw in the "you know he snots up when he cries, I don't even touch that thing without immediately washing my hands". Context: A family friend was a short term foster mom for 15 years. They helped hundreds and maybe even over a thousand when you factor in the sibling units. When they stopped it was a tragedy in the community but they just didn't have it in them anymore. They didn't adopt any children they fostered because it would stop them from giving that immediate care. They didn't adopt any in their last year because it would ruin the relationship they had with previous fosters if they found out they adopted anybody and not them. They went through so many stamps writing back and forth with those they had cared for. Their Christmas Cards were strung around the house every year and it was so touching to see how many older kids benefited from their care.
Idk I'd say crab apple for story 1. $1000 per month is alot of money for most people, and this person is doing alot of housework. A little bit more vacuuming isn't alot of work but justifying it by saying average rent is $2400 is a very privileged justification
I feel like story number 3 there are no bad apples. Husband probably grieved too. Husband wanted a supoort system. Husband didn't know wife would be upset. I totally understand also why shes so upset. It sounds like a terribly sad honest miscommunication.
For story #2 I’m sure there’s a governing body that therapist is licensed under and that therapist should totally be reported to that governing body. For example, I work as a Speech Pathologist and our governing body’s is the American Speech Language Hearing Association and any questions about my license and if I should have it or not would go through them. So whatever governing body that therapist is under (you can probably google it based on their license name) I would report it to that as well! I hope the right people see this because that is a very important issue!!
For number 4 I would say crabapple it’s his news too. One parent shouldn’t have more say than the other. For better or worse in health or sickness those are the vows that are said at every wedding. So should the wife disregard the her husband feelings?
For number 4 I would say that wants like that need to be communicated. If you don’t tell me not tell some one, how am I supposed to know. Although he should be more understanding of his wife’s concerns.
As a man who has gone through a miscarriage, no, it had no physical effect on my body, but I can tell you that it destroyed my mental well-being for months. I won't go into detail about how bad it got to keep it family-friendly. However, a father is 50% of the child's parent. No less, unless he chooses to be. (which is disgusting behavior.) But regardless, if she didn't want anyone else to know, she shouldn't have told her sister. He had every right to tell his mother considering that fact, plus, she never communicated to him that she didn't want other people to know. That would change things. But all these things considered, he was 110% a good apple. If she can tell her support system about whats happening, he has equal rights to tell his. This invalidation of fathers is gross behavior and FAR too common. It needs to stop. We are parents too!
I understand the father's excitement. They definitely should have communicated more. I remember when I found out I was pregnant. I told my husband before going to orientation at a new job. I told him that I wanted to keep it quiet until we had doctors confirmation. I came home and he was on the phone with his mom telling her how excited he was. So I understand her getting upset. But she definitely should have communicated. And neither of them handled it well. Especially if she was telling one person and not telling him that that was the only person she was going to tell. She could have said "there may be one or two people in the family I'm going to share this with but I don't want it getting all around the family just yet". And she could have told him who those people were, and that she wanted to be the one to tell them
Story 4: I agree with you. Pregnancy, miscarriage, childbirth and even the first year of parenting is so different for men and women. Women have the hard job and have to do most of the work. We have to grow this human in our bodies and then use our bodies to birth them and feed them (for many women). When something happens, women can feel guilt. We are told our bodies are “made for this” so when something happens women feel like their bodies failed. The sooner men realize this, the better supporters they will be. Ps. I have not gone through pregnancy or miscarriage, this is all just what I’ve gathered from women who have gone through this and how I might feel going through this.
#4 How does a couple who have tried to conceive for over a year not have discussed when to tell others? I have 2 kids and had a miscarriage between the two. After 18 months of trying for the first we had already decided to not tell others until after our first doctors visit (usually 6 weeks in approximately). And we agreed that family would be first and we would do it together. After the miscarriage I didn't want anyone knowing until i knew for sure I was in the second trimester. The fear of loss was huge. Maybe her sister was her sounding board. Maybe she helped her through her loss before. I didn't get that support, but i would have only told that person if i found out. I hope these two start communicating better. If not this marriage is going to be very difficult... or won't last.
My best guess is that it's so early in the pregnancy (I don't remember the post telling us how far along she is) that they just hadn't gotten to that conversation yet (like I imagine they found out like a week ago max). I honestly don't know, but I do know it was terrible if him to assume it was ok to tell others.
@ScarlettPlayz_ it said he told his mother the next day. But it's a bit odd to me that after trying to get pregnant for a year, they hadn't discussed many things. That was just a red flag regarding the relationship. I think the other comment here that OP may have not shared a lot of information with us.
@ScarlettPlayz_ ya I thought it was mentioned he had lunch with his mom a day or two after finding out. That's when he told her. Which the miscarriage history I think they must have discussed the pain of that and fear of telling people to soon once pregnant. Maybe that is me and people I know that have had this happen. My miscarriage was a week after a family gathering that we told everyone. Having to let people know was very hard. I wanted to wait once my rainbow baby came along.
