Husband Left Me So He Could Smoke Weed 

Let me be blunt: a real marriage is a joint commitment. Both parties must know the grass is not always greener. Highs and lows are baked into the process. Your bond will take some hits, but you must roll with the punches and will yourselves to light up each others lives! It really do be like that!

The first caller seems like such a genuinely sweet person. I hope God heals him of the cancer and he goes on to live a long, happy life.

I feel for this woman. My ex and I were together 11 years. He became paranoid and delusional-there was no reasoning w him. He told me he needed a “break,” and a month later, I demanded answers. He left me. He told me he couldn’t trust me (which was rich given his history that I won’t put here). And he didn’t know when he stopped loving me. It’s still painful to know I invested so many years into a person who became a stranger. The hardest part is knowing he’s a completely different person now, someone I don’t know, and someone who has stolen the man he was for good. The old personality is never coming back. Praying for the woman on this call. ♥️♥️♥️

Buddy I sincerely hope you see this, I’m a fellow vet and used to work at a college processing a lot of these things. First and foremost: yes to continue collecting the GI bill he needs to maintain full time status. Depending on his college and then length of the semesters that’s probably 12 credits. But way, way more importantly: you need to go to the VA and make a disability claim through compensation and pension. Given your history, if you just make a claim for everything that happened to you while you were in the military, and you’ll probably receive full disability payments. At 100%, with a wife and a child it’s over $40k a year of tax free money. You’re entitled to it, you deserve it, you’ve earned it. You signed your name on the dotted line to serve our country and were removed from service because of medical reasons. The military needs to compensate you for that. Go get what you deserve buddy.

To say he left her just to smoke weed seems a bit disingenuous. Clearly a lot more going on there

It's like being with someone who is constantly drinking; they're not really there. Going through hard times is not a free pass to cope however you want forever. You're not just doing it to you, you're doing it to the people around you. She deserves better.

Emily the judge in my divorce said 'Mr S behaved as though he was still an unmarried man'. Succinct and true. Leave. You are worth more. 💔

Speaking from experience, weed is absolutely an addictive drug despite them saying it’s physiologically not an addictive drug. I myself turned to weed in a difficult time of my life. Working full time, having to take care of an entire house and 3 kids under age 5 and a sick wife while working a full time job almost broke me. Days which turn to weeks then months of constantly working all day everyday just to survive was the hardest thing I’ve ever endured and weed was the only thing that numbed me out to how much I was suffering. It definitely helped me get through the tough times but now I’m on the other side and life has finally resumed some normalcy, I still find myself craving the high. Now the hardest thing is letting it go all together. Sure it’s not like alcohol or narcotic addiction, but my mind always goes back to those thoughts of “a few puffs will make me feel so much better”. My advice is always try to understand the root cause of the issue and work through that before turning to drugs. It’s cliche but drugs only numb the pain, not cure it or actually help you in any real meaningful way

Omg. When my uncle was diagnosed with cancer, the amount of people who gave unsolicited and weird advice was wild! No, I don't think enemas will make his esophagus better, thanks. 🙄

First caller, Jeffery, sounds like an awesome person. Best wishes to him, his wife and baby girl. I hope they have a happy life together.

Weed, cigarettes, alcohol nearly always win the battle. Without even watching this episode, I can tell this to whoever is looking for an answer to the dilemma. Save yourself, your energy, your precious time. Move on to be with someone else or be on your own. Don’t waste your resources on people with addictions.

the bi-polar lady, I was married to a man like that, he probably got together with you because you're anxious and malleable, but at the same time, he's got no respect for you. He never will and you'll never be seen by him. He is only with you because you never left.

30 years ago I was in a very similar situation. My husband was not being able to work with his mental health challenges. We lost just about everything financially- bankruptcy, lost the house to the bank. And I was loosing my life partner and the Father of my son. One day the grief of realizing I was drowning with my husband and I had to switch to saving myself rather than trying to save him came. And or son was 12 at the time. So I also needed to protect him. I found a private place and let out an ocean of tears and grief. I was physically and emotionally drained for about a week. But I did recover myself and with small steps to stabilizing myself. It took a lot of looking forward to get through.

I hope the first guy does what’s best for him. He put in his time, served his country, and he should get to do school alone if that’s what’s best for him in his current situation or put school off if he needs it right now, so he can take care of himself. As a wife and mother if my husband was in this situation I would hope my husband would put his health first and we would make the finances work even if it meant living off rice and beans for a year.

it starts @2:30 (and I say that with all due respect. Sometimes I just like to her the discussions pertaining to mental health.)

Long-term relationships with no marriage like Emily's are *super* common in Quebec. It's part of the big backlash against the Catholic church in the 60s.

Jeffrey sounds like a great guy! Hope he is doing well!

Must be some pretty good chronic.

Helix mattresses, Hallow, Meric health, Thorn supplements... 4 product placements in one video, I wonder how many more you can add in future ones.

He kept repeating to go and get TWO JOBS! How infuriating it is that the powers that be have managed to normalize needing two damn jobs for a person to be able to have BASIC DAMN NEEDS?!?! SHELTER AND FOOD ARE HUMAN RIGHTS!!! Ffs!🤬

It ruins marriages and families It is scientifically linked to psychosis and schizophrenia and depression It is a very lonely marriage to be in when your partner smokes weed Growth is stunted and you will be dealing with a partner who still deals with conflict like a teenager It really really sucks and you will either have to leave or tolerate it as best as you can You have to learn to emotionally detach from the marriage because your partner will never fully attach to you

Hate that the title makes the assumption that the caller’s issue was weed when in fact he’s having serious mental health issues that weed is numbing him from. Recreational weed use by mentally healthy people isn’t a problem

I wonder how accurate her diagnosis is. Bipolar is often a misdiagnosis. Depression and anxiety doesn’t meant bipolar. I hope she got a second opinion

People really underestimate the power of weed. It turns you into an all new person. No, its not as bad as psas from the 80s, but it makes you more anxious and paranoid, it affects your sleep and mobility. Theres a reason it helps people with parkansins it slows and numbs. That being said, this couple has other issues besides weed. That man never loved her Edit: if you cant handle me saying weed causes varying side effects, then your proving my point that it lowers cognitive ability. I literally mentioned how it can be used for medication, of course i think it has positive traits. But it causes more harm than good and just like alcohol, self medication is often a poor choice compared to actual medicine and therapy. That doesnt mean that i think weed or alcohol is the devil, but if you depend on it daily and make it a lifestyle like this callers husband did, then you have got some serious problems. Yeesh. this isn't a science thesis. I don't have to post data. This is my lived experience that is backed by science but is technically anecdotal. Don't get your boxers in a wedgie. Weed does both. It makes you anxious and it numbs you. At different points during the high and with different kinds of weed. If yall actually smoked, you would know. It varies person to person and species to species. Long term use leads to memory loss and lethargy and cloudiness. Most people report positive, yet sometimes challenging side effects coming off of it. For example, i gained my peripherial vision once i got off. It was scary at first because i could see out the corner of my eye, but now im used to it and actually like having a full field of vision. Yalltelling on yourselves for being ignorant of how it works 😅

John gave the second caller some excellent steps to take. I think it would also be helpful for her to be connected with a support group for family members and friends who have loved ones affected by substance use. She should not be going through this alone. You can hear how overwhelmed and totally lost she feels.

Jeffrey, you got this. I had radiation and chemo. It gets better, I promise. Just hang in there. Sending love and healing energy to you. 💚💙

Darla broke my heart! Youth and soberity is on her side, I pray she see how strong she is, and will survive. 💔🙏

Caller 3, your relationship sounds exactly like mine and my husband's after 10 years together. He was very selfish about his activities and only focused on the kids, and I felt abandoned and like I didn't matter. It took a lot of difficult conversations, crying, and almost calling it quits, then 2 long, difficult years of finding our way back, but 6 years later we are better than I could have ever dreamed. I'm so sorry for how alone you feel, but I promise you that even if you feel like there's no hope, just do the work on yourself first, then together, and don't lose hope. Hills and valleys. Focus on what's working when you feel like leaving. I hope something I've said helps.... best of luck to you.❤

To the first caller, as a former academic advisor for an online college, John is right. Reach out to your advisor. Their job is to be your advocate and help with these kind of these situations. And a medical leave of absence is totally fine for all the places I have worked and very routine to help a student in these cases

Poor Emily, she attached herself to a narcissist. Who has wasted her life and all her sacrifices all along. Claims he loves his children, but clearly does not, given the way he treats their mother. What a waste of another woman’s life… and those poor freaking kids! Another absentee father! What a surprise.😐

To the caller with the husband who has chosen a lifestyle that isn't compatible with marriage, just know that you aren't alone and it is going to feel like it can't be real for a long time. I don't know when or if this feeling ever stops because I am about 4 years into almost the exact same situation and I still feel exactly like you do. It hasn't improved in 4 years. My husband and I have been inseparable since we were 14 years old. We were 46 years old when he pulled this. We are now 50 and he is still living this nomadic, couch surfing, lifestyle that seems to center around a group of friends who share his drug of choice. I rebuilt my life and tried my best to move on, but I am not going to lie. I haven't it still hurts as bad today as it did the first day because it just doesn't make any sense. So, don't be too hard on yourself, and don't expect to be over it as quickly as everyone is going to tell you that you should be.

@dr John for future reference. The caller was misinformed. Common law laws in Canada are very robust. If you’ve been living with your partner for a year in a continuous conjugal relationship you are automatically considered common law and can do everything from filing your taxes together to being on each others health benefits. You are treated as a married couple and seen as such under the law in Canada.

He didn’t leave her for the weed, that was just the final straw, a reaction from a defeated man.

What is this comment section? The man left this poor woman after a decade because he's choosing to numb his pain with drugs. She is a victim here. I hate that this happened to her all because his dad died, something that literally everyone on the planet has to deal with.

In my experience anyone who smokes weed always gets extremely defensive about it when they are challenged on it. If that’s not a sign they have an addiction I don’t know what is. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Early in our relationship my husband dabbled in a drug and I could see this was taking him down a road of no return. I had to take a stance, told him he had to make a choice, the drug or me. Married now 2 months from 41 years.

I've seen a lot of people worshiping marijuana, when they should be worshiping Jesus

The last caller’s situation seems bleak. We are only hearing one side. But I could see a scenario where she said “yes” to him for 30 years and then after decades he’s now confused why his wife is blowing up. She says she was “recently diagnosed with bipolar” and she “gave him books on how to act around those with the condition”. I could totally see him being like “wtf is wrong with my wife. After 30 years she’s now changing into a completely different person and is finding a new diagnosis every week”. But I also see things from her side. If the husband truly never cared about her opinion that is horrible. Even when I want to do something badly I always make sure my wife also wants to do it. And sometimes I don’t do the things I want to do because deep down I can tell my wife doesn’t want to. Or we take turns doing each others hobby. It’s basic consideration and giving a crap what you partner is feeling. So I can’t excuse the husband even if she made the mistake to say yes to him for 30 years. He should have cared. And he didn’t. That’s not a wife or a marriage partner, that’s a roommate or sex worker. Horrible. I think Deloney is right on this one. She needs to sit him down and calmly explain the things she needs. No blame or grenades being thrown. Literally this is what I need. And if he shrugs it off or doesn’t care then she needs to go find a divorce attorney asap. Well they aren’t technically married. But I still think she needs to look into the laws since they have children and shared assets.

I was in a very similar situation as the second caller years ago. I agree with everything John told her to do. I would only add that she would benefit from going to Alanon as well. She will find peace and sanity and support in those rooms. Once she starts taking care of herself, her life will improve, no matter what her husband decides to do. She sounds like such a sweetheart, and I wish her the best.

Not a fan of the click baity titles lately

She sounds so sweet & caring. Deserves so much better. She should relocate to a place of numerous hard working guys .

I absolutely hate that “fight for me” mindset. How about “fight alongside of me” instead? Asking someone to “fight for me” is asking someone to help you get away with not facing your insecurities. It’s enabling the insecurity.

let me be blunt A real marriage is a joint commitment u all have to always be honest with each other

I am from Quebec. Very few people get married in Quebec. They all cohabitate. The government penalizes those who get married at a tax level!

I sometimes act like John is sitting in front of me, and I'm just absorbing his wisdom. 💯

He's not a husband. He'd be gone.

limp bizkit cover????? gotta see this post it on the channel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sending prayers of healing to Jeff. Wishing you a long, happy, healthy life.

If it was me with cancer, I would be looking into Thomas Seyfried's metabolic therapy as well as traditional treatments. I would just want to know all my options. I'd be googling Iodine and cancers, also be looking into that veterinary drug Fenbendazole which is an antiparasitic drug that apparently inhibits sugar uptake. Not advice for you at all, just saying what I would try, no idea if it works.

First caller is so genuinely sweet 🍬 wish him long happy live and quick return to health ❤

You either give your partner endless chances or you give endless partners a chance.

Hot tip for anyone using their GI bill benefits: take financial aid on top of your benefits!!!

Why is he smoking weed? There are sooooooo many reasons.

He’s rambling and I applaud jon for letting this precious young man with cancer get it out

Last caller from Quebec, just so people know, most people dont get married here, marraige is not a thing here.. its common law

Her nagging him about how he's coping isnt helping the underlying issue. There is nothing wrong with weed but in his situation it is clearly a crutch for something deeper. If she wants her marriage back, she needs to help him address that.

Hang in there Dara! Local here in LA happy to support you if you need it!

Great episode! Everything from Dr. Delony and his humor too the intensity and severity of each caller

You lost because of your outfits. Track suits? Seriously? That's so 1974.

John! Let your collars talk! You constantly speak over and interrupt. People call you because they need to get what they need to say off of their shoulders!

Poor dude is so overwhelmed with everything going on it's not funny. He definitely needs to talk to his advisor about the minimum requirements to be able to keep his bill and do that for a season until things calm down otherwise it's really gonna make him spiral. John is right, as long as you are providing for your family, you are a "man" and only you and your wife get to decide what that looks like. Nobody else gets a vote.

When can we actually talk to him

ive never heard of weed effecting somebody like this. with that being said im sure it aint for everybody. id say weed is maybe 5% of the problem here and the man himself is the other 95%

should have just excepted he smokes weed. some people need to just get away from stress and work life by having a beer or smoking. its not a big deal unless thats all he does is smoke an do nothing i know many people who smoke and work very hard for their families

Excellent advice to the cancer patient. His job is taking care of his health. That in, cares for his loved ones.

I don’t think weed has anything to do with why the man left. Most marriages fail and weed was just the scapegoat. It’s beyond me why any intelligent man would want to get married in this day and age.

This episode made me cry happy. Dr. the advice you gave and the steps. Just amazing.❤️

First time actually crying while listening...that second story. Darla seems like a sweet person and you can tell her heart is just breaking. I absolutely feel for her and hope everything works out for her. ❤️

The Canadian womans story, hit hard.

Great answer Dr. Delony!! Well Done!!

I might get flamed for this, but I take edibles to manage my BP2. It’s better than the 7 medications that were ruining my life. For some, weed can be freeing.

Emily's call hit me hard. My heart broke for her. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 10 years now. We got engaged before the 2nd year but haven't gotten married. It's mostly my fault, I'm scared of marriage, I been married before and it wasn't pretty. So I see myself in her shoes, I would also be heart broken to realize that the person whom I thought was my person might in the end not be it. I hope she and her boyfriend find a way to build something new and stay together.

That man isn't just choosing to smoke weed he's self-medicating. He's not thinking clearly he's on a path of self-destruction because his father died and I would say that he's extremely extremely depressed. Last caller: I feel like that man probably doesn't want to be with her anymore or does not care. I will say lots of people do not get married for financial reasons. Unfortunately we live in a country where a medical issue can bankrupt the entire family sometimes. I know a couple who were going to get married and then the man got into an accident and became disabled. During all of that he acquired hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical bills with insurance. He was finally accepted for Social Security. 2 emergency surgeries and 3 weeks in the hospital cost him over $800k. That was just 1 stay out of many.

Is the 2nd caller me? (The male)

Dang he can't hit a little jay? I'd have to leave too lmfao

Jeffrey! God Bless you and your wife and baby!!! Such an inspiration. ❤

Not trying to diagnose the husband of the second caller but it sounds like something like bipolar could be going on. Drug use can trigger it in people who have predispositions… I know from personal experience with my husband 😢because just plane old cannabis use would not normally cause these kinds of problems. My husband’s bipolar developed 7 years into our marriage. He got diagnosed and treats it and we’re still together (married 18 years) but the first year or so when he was off the rails was HARD. And we almost split up many times.

He needed people to help him with his grieving, not taking marijuana.

I wish the young man with cancer the best. Second caller, you deserve better. Move on.

Write a letter to your body?? Really?? ONG- Baloney is going bananas 😀😀😀

John Deloni is an awesome man with a very loving heart for the people he counsels

There's nothing wrong with a man who's being selfish because he's being authentic to himself, if you don't like what he likes and wants then leave. A high value man does what he wants at all times.

When John started telling the first caller to stop watching RU-vid videos and reels about what a “real man” is I thought “what’s going on? did I miss something?”. I actually had to rewind the call because the caller didn’t say anything about it. All the caller said was “As a man, I feel like I need to provide…”. The caller’s views on a man’s responsibilities could have very easily come from a message society has been sending to men since forever. This didn’t start with the iPhone. Then I realized that John is probably projecting. I think John needs to take John’s advice more than the kid does.

shes confused reaally was all over the place maybe good they are seperated

It hurts my heart to realize John isn’t a Cowboys fan…which implies he’s a Texans/Astros fan. 😢 I don’t know if I can listen to the podcast after that. 😞 The Cows are a constant disappointment…the Rangers have been this year too. But I am loyal to my Boys. The Cows are always a did

Kelli looks gorgeous! Just saying. 🎉❤

This video is not according the title

Probably needed the weed to deal with you 😂

She goes on and on and on and on and on and on

Haha ‘boeie’ means ‘whatever’ in Dutch! 🤓

That goes for us watching too 😂😂😂😂

Third caller - go see a counselor for an outside perspective, and it might take awhile. You need to take care of you first.

Incredible words JD! I wish I could convince myself the same. You see, I’ve been diagnosed with cancer recently. And I’m totally lost. Blessings to you Jeffery.

One of the best advice Dr. Deloney has given since I have been listening for about 3 months now. Control what you can..

I think John is underestimating college professors being understanding of health _ personal issues. Ma g won't even provide accommodations legally required due to disability. I hope the first caller gets to finish school 🙏

This is so sad.

To that 3rd caller: "My husband refuses to read a book on what it's like to live with me and it upsets me"... newsflash, he's been living it for 23 years. He doesn't need to lol He doesn't care. He's with you. If he couldn't stand it or if it was a major problem, he'd be gone. Like most couples, you're coparents and partners. He's not interested in change because it's not an issue. You just woke up and you're not happy and that's ok, but don't put that on him. Demanding change requires boundaries. He might adapt if you do something about it. To give you some context, I've been with my wife for about 15 years. Recently, I asked her to tell me what she wants from the future, what she envisions, etc. She won't. She flat out told me she's not going to tell me anything because "she doesn't know and there's not point and we don't plan the same way". Ok, fine. I'm planning for the future and she can tag along. If she doesn't like it, she knows where the door is. It's that simple. Do the same. And to John, I used to live in Quebec. It's a lot better when it comes to common law than a lot of places because marriage isn't as much of a thing there. So she basically owns half of everything except his company pension plan. But anything invested in shared accounts is half hers including retirement income. If she makes less, she gets a ton of alimony and child care is based on income percentages. She is fine... There's also a MUCH better social safety net with a federal and provincial pension fund. Not rich but survivable.

My mom had a hemorrhagic stroke that completely changed her personality. She would call me several times a day wailing, and begging me, " please kill me, shoot me in the head!" It is traumatic af, and I don't blame this guy for spiraling.

He was self-medicating, just looking for a form of escape or both.

The issue is not the weed... it is that he is grieving and she is thinking he is angry because of it when he , clearly, is depressed. Expecting that your parent will die and it wont change you is a bit unrealistic. It felt a bit like she wanted for things never to change, for him to be normal again even when something traumatic happen and be reactive to his trauma response. On his side, weed is not a therapist. He needs therapy AND weed. So I think the issue here is lack of communication and it being a very difficult situation that they dont know how to navigate. I hope they can take this time apart to think about what they need and want to be happy with the reality that things may not be the same but they can be better in a different way. Those are my two cents that nobody asked me for xD