Maybe they mean, "don't be argumentative in the household with your husband, but it's OK if you absolutely have to in your job (but still try your very best not to)".
@@myu-chan7472 I think you misunderstand, I’m not trying to become a lawyer for money, I want to be a lawyer, I love to argue and being a lawyer is a great way to do that. While being a housewife is great to some, it’s not to me. Also I strongly dislike children.
I’m really grateful that my southern grandma’s idea of teaching me how to be a good wife consisted of three things: 1. Make delicious meals, 2. Work as a team, and 3. If he ever hurts you, take a cast iron skillet to his face.
EXACTLY 💯. Pure southern gen X gal here and lit as hell. I give like I have no bottom to my love.... and will take a blunt object to anyone that messes with me. I was taught I my elder women AND my elder men to not take $h!+ (real and uncalled for $h!+) off anyone, and take an "equalizer" to anyone that wants to put me in a bad situation. My ex husband actually said he thought it would be ok to hit me, because I'm southern. 😳🤦. The last time he came after me and threatened me, he came through the bedroom door to see me standing there with the pistol in my hands. With the documented history of his, nothing would've happened to me if the worst had happened. He was from Ca. My current husband is Eastern European and was quite a handful in the beginning. After a few years, he learned I'm not a babushka.... I'm a proud, southern, red headed woman and NOT to be screwed with. I'm not easy, but he's decided after decades that "easy" isn't worth much. I give TONS but won't take ounces.
This part. The cooperation in patriarchy we see from older women is in part because they didn’t have a choice to participate. It’s so difficult to break out of these social forms of Stockholm Syndrome. They truly believe if we keep quiet and look pretty it will keep us safe - despite their cooperation in patriarchy yielding very little benefit for them. So yes, I agree. I think we can interpret the reactions (even irl) as a little bit of longing.
I think both. Some women have it so ingrained in them that it is the right way they'll look past all the negative in what they're doing and focus on what their children are doing wrong. Ladies have all been told that to be proper, you must wear things that are both covering but show off body, too speak about your ideas but to shut up if a man spoke out against you. They were given the illusion of freedom to keep patriarchy in balance, but in the end, they realized more and more how much they were mistreated and unheard. Now we have many women in the working class standing up for themselves against sexual harassment and backlash for being a woman, pleading for higher pay rates like their fellow male colleagues and for a more equal world for everyone. Unfortunately, equality to someone who has power seems like oppression. We won't see results unless we keep trying.
Same in my culture too Boys aren't taught to respect girls but girls are taught from young age to be beware of boys and men until they marry. If boys catcalls you it's girls prob, if she is raped it's her prob . Everything is because of her
Uhh that father is supposed to set a good example ….and the mother is supposed to give him guidance on women’s mentality…..something to realize before procreating.
Peekabooooooo4 underrated comment, cuz guys for some reason now and days still r seen as so perfect like we have to honor them Even us women should have been and should be the ones honored after all we give birth and create life and have to go through the pain of giving birth
@roxyortiz8819 that’s honestly going to always be a family level issue and all pll can do is move forward and recognize where their shortcomings came from their parents and avoid them with your own children. I do believe it is the father’s job to give his best insight on being a good man and husband.
@pluckybellhop66 Simply because they were taught to be self sustainable just until they find a woman. Just like women where taught to drop everything once they find a man. Now that women have more options and opportunities to be self sustaining by themselves men are now competing against a woman's peace instead of another man. Women are sustainable on their own now and are only willing to pair if he brings a more sustainable option or an option that provides luxury and sustainability. Men were taught they only need to provide money. Money can bring luxury and sustainability but over all does not increase peace enough to over look becoming a mom to someone else's son
@@pluckybellhop66that's disgusting and lame. Husband and wife are adult with equal rights and responsibilities. Women are not men's personal caretaker and free housemaid unless the woman wants it herself.
Best part of eating an apple is the crisp skin , crunch . I’m not a huge fan of cut up apples , but if you’re going to cut them into slices . I’ll take mine with the skin on still
The skin tends to wedge itself in between my teeth so I'll keep enjoying peeled apples 😊 I used to love unpeeled apples when I was younger and this didn't happen though, especially the crisp green ones 😋
@@cringemuch1243Same, and it makes this uncomfortable pressure. I usually find eating with a knife, but not peeling prevents skin getting in between my teeth. Best of both worlds.
"Don't be argumentative" is basically code for "be a doormat and stay quiet even if your husband treats you like garbage" so I'm glad we have given up on that idea.
@@Nironipno. In korean culture and many other poc cultures, not being argumentative means to be the submissive housewife that listens to and agrees with their husband no matter what and doesn’t talk back. I’ve experienced this firsthand lol.
My grandma who is indigenous told me that if a men (my husband) hits me that I need to stay quiet, don’t fight back because we deserve it. I was 10 when she started teaching me about it. Now in my mid 30s I am the black sheep in my family because I educate people about their rights, I share resources and encourage woman or spouse to call the cops. Unfortunately it takes long time to change the mind of women who still believes this that they need to stay quiet. 😢
I'm also from a toxic family (oh in so many different ways you can't even count) and also seen as the black sheep for not taking that BS. It's hard to break the generational trauma, but future little ones born into these families will be better off for it.
I relate to this on so many levels as a girl who was raised in a Catholic family. According to my grandmother, I'm not a good wife. Which is hilarious because my husband and I have the healthiest relationship of anyone in my family
It's real funny when they only emphasize that wife should submit to their husband while it also clearly as day that Paul also teach how husband should act like how Jesus did to church aka being humble down to even washing His disciples' feet and die sacrificing His life out of love.
@@IsabellaN777 then they need to be CONSTANTLY reminded 😂. Cuz it's also our duty to ALWAYS remind and guide people with weaker faith to path of Jesus. 👍🙏❤️
@@myu-chan7472 … I live in a place where arranged marriages are the norm and trust me you do not want one and if you do, you need set down a lot of terms and conditions or else you WILL end up in a terrible marriage. Once again, i live in this sort of place and my own parents had an arranged marriage.
@@dearme4536 Well, as a Catholic, we've been saying it at least since the first century "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her"
@@blondetapperware8289 I’m Christian too. I’ve heard this too. But sadly there are many “Christian” men that focus on the perfect proverbs woman. But none of them want to be the provider and protected they should be. They wouldn’t die for their woman.
@@dearme4536 And that's a shame. As human beings, we all fall short of the glory of God. That is where, and thanks be I've seen this, we need a higher emphasis on preparing ourselves for marriage and what that takes. Speakers such as Nick Frietas touch on this.
this right here people just a few comments above pretend there aren't ridiculous expectations towards men when in many countries we're literally FORCED to sacrifice our lives and pretty much all that y'all complain about also applies to men, y'all just don't see us as human: oh no, parents told me not to wear revealing clothing - as if men weren't forced to cover pretty much their entire bodies because even wearing shorts (which are like twice as long as women's shorts) is seen as "disgusting" because male bodies are "disgusting" I've learned from my own experience that standing up for yourself, not letting yourself to be abused and wearing even like 10% of the clothing women wear means you need to give up on dating women - they can wear crop tops and booty shorts but I'll wear a plaid skirt with leggings (still pretty much covering all my skin, you can only see the outline of a part of my legs) and it'd be fucking over for my dating life if I weren't also into men and enbies
@@myu-chan7472 this is for you okay. There are a lot of people that don't want that and you are not the main character so next time says< not me> instead of just
@@djotchuiangela9955 there is a lot of single mothers or single women that have a PHD out there that definitely wish it was different, is not just about me, when those women hit 40 and notice they need to keep working, they get a reality shock that the only people willing to stay with them are the guys that work in a mcdonalds or supermarket, but those women want a CEO at 40 to take care of her and possibly her children with multiple men, cubbling is the worst place for a women, we are extremely social creatures we feel the need to have a connection sooner or later, i wonder how those women will feel when they are 80, her brothers and sisters are dead, parents dead, friends dead and no husband to help her and kids hating her for being a BPD volatile single mother (yes i am being specific on that last part) this is no good for us women, i wonder how those feminists will act when they hit their old age... probably not good
@@myu-chan7472Some regret but others regret not doing anything for themselves before especially if the partner cheats or keeps money away. Me Im in the middle I can call out my fiancee when his anger goes too far and give him other view points if what hes thinking is off or too generalized. In turn he goes to bat for me because my family likes to rail road me. If the last bit is confusing its slang for not letting me have a say or over powering my view points. Ceos and lawyers cheat never marry or date for money. I dated people who were wealthier than I was and they left me for less than what my fiancee endured. I love him and spoil him with taking care of him, supporting his dreams, and taking him to new experiences.
@@DominantBtch'disrespecting your elders' is a common way of saying 'be submissive and act dumb for those who think they know whats what on everything there ever was'
Same in Nigerian culture. Seeing the way my aunts get treated by their husband's and how they literally run themselves raggedy, trying to be subservient to their husband's while my uncles just sit there. It angers my soul in a way i can't explain.
Nigerian here, currently living in Nigeria. This environment is super toxic,for women especially. It disgusts me. Guess I'm not the only one who thinks so.
Nigerian born, American living here. seeing this dynamic between my mom and dad was the biggest reason why I told myself I would never be "domestic" cut to now, me and my boyfriend have a really healthy and supportive relationship. and I'm comfortable being domestic because I know that he'll also help and do things on his own without me having to direct him. love him so much ❤ (and he's American 👀)
My fiancé also has a backbone & attitude & if they don't like something, they WILL let you know, & so many people are like "that attitude of yours will end the marriage real fast!" (We've been together almost a decade now) But they shut up real quick when I say "I like them for that attitude & because they're honest & speak up. I don't play the coy 'say nothing' game where I'm constantly walking on eggshells because my partner won't tell me what I did wrong." A good partner communicates AND listens, not suffer for the sake of someone else's ego, on both sides 🫡 fuck traditions that are toxic
@DominantBtch yes, you can. But the "attitude" my fiancé has isn't rude or bitchy for no reason, it's just that they have boundaries, set them, & other people get offended at those boundaries & call it an attitude. I jokingly call it an attitude, but that's not what it really is. It's just them knowing what they're comfortable with, & so many people think that's inherently bad for whatever reason, & attack my fiancé for it (particularly men, who get offended they can't get hugs from my fiancé despite being complete strangers).
I am a half Japanese half American tomboy and my Japanese mom was disappointed in me basically since the day I was able to express interest until I got married 3 years ago, so for about 27 years. She would constantly nag on me for every little thing that wasn't "feminine" and would tell me I wouldn't find a husband if I kept up what I was doing. Jokes on her, I did find a fantastic husband who loves me for who I am and we have a great relationship.
@MrWood-qd6kr My mom really didn't intend on "reverse psychology" and continued to be worried about my relationship until she was at my wedding but ok. When we had our small wedding ceremony, it finally set in that I was perfectly happy living my life how I wanted over what she wanted in me, in her image. She apologized to me that day over how she treated me growing up, and I also apologized to her for dealing with me.
@Afrogirrl I respect my husband, but I don't submit to him like what my mom wanted. I'm also not feminine either. If I did listen to my mom, I would probably be miserable in my marriage because I wouldn't be compatible with whoever I ended up with.
Sorry you keep getting comments from people with no reading comprehension who just want to push their worldview on you. I'm glad you found someone that loves you for who you are and are able to live as yourself rather than a fake version.
Fr 💀 my TEACHER legit told me "It's good that you know how to cook. Your husband will need to eat well" and I was like "tf? I learned to cook cause I'm fat in spirit, not because I want a man"
My Opa. He's German. He got mad that I can't use the old sewing machine properly but I can fix it. I can hand sew, but that's not what he wants. He expects a woman to sew, but I like working on cars. He wants me to be homely, I like traveling and camping out in the homestead. He feels weird that I enjoy videos about building your own house. And outdoor survival. I'm not gay, nor am I'm dominant in any relationship l. I just have a set of standards that you just can't find in today's men.
How does liking building houses make you gay? I’m gay, I don’t like building houses nor I’m into being dominant. Being gay means falling in love and being intimate with the person of your own sex. The rest is some conservative nonsense.
You can find those qualities in men. Just stop only looking at the bad things bad men do. Go to a nice country (you said you travel) then and find a man there if your country doesn’t have good enough men.
She got a point with the cardigan, tho. Not to dress conservatively, but always have something on hand to wrap up. Weather can change in an instant. I learned that the hard way 😅 got sick cause it rained, and I was wearing something like she was but with shorts. Not a fun experience
Honestly I only agree with the cloth and fruits part. I still dress very conservatively because of weather and would not want to be cold and I don't like showing my skin 😅
Good. Theres alot of generational trauma there. You are doing just fine. Dealing with my own brand of this, though, it’s a 95 year old french grandmother wanting me to marry. No disrespect to her but, like, IN THIS ECONOMY?? I think not.
never change the person you are just to please a man. improve yourself in ways that benefit you and everyone around you without becoming a completely different person just because you're not seen as a person
I'm korean, and my mother never taught me how to peel an apple b3cause she thought if I new how to do it I would have to be the one who peels the fruits wherever I go. In her time she was the one to go to meetings not as a speaker but as a fruit server. Even though she wasn't employed for that, all her male collegues were sitting there as speakers and she was the one to prepare the plate...well, I'm glad I'm not in that time of history. And these days I'm learning to peel the fruits, because I don't like eating fruits with peels, they're bitter😂
I’m Chinese and it’s the same for us 😭 I’m not a woman but my grandma always tells my sister that she’s never gonna get married if she keeps acting like “that”
The sexist women crap must be a universally conservative thing women taught their daughters, huh? (Russian here, and I heard all this except the fruit thing.) The fruit thing is hilarious! Uyen, a Vietnamese woman who is engaged and living with her German fiance mentions this fruit cutting thing. So random! Imagine getting regected cause you cut fruit wrong! But all of it is ridiculous. Maybe it's just that the fruit thing seems more so since I personally didn't grow up with it.
As someone with dyspraxia that fruit cutting thing sounds like a nightmare. I struggle with co ordination in my hands. Im glad I was never directly taught any of this, but society still conditions girls to behave in ways that ate accommodating and pleasing and all that even if we don't come from a culture that teaches us how to be good wives.
Unlocked a forgotten memory: My mom tried really hard to get me to “cut a banana into nice slices and place them on a cute plate”, but I kept trying to explain that it doesn’t taste the same when it’s already cut. Same with apples to a lesser extent. It just FEELS different
The only thing I don’t understand is why you would take off the peel. The peel has fiber and helps your digestive tract. Plus good exercise for the jaw. Slicing fruits are a skill but that’s the only thing I don’t get.
Wax. A lot of apples are coated with wax to delay spoilage and shrinkage and make them stay fresh, but there are many who find the idea of eating wax unappetizing so they just peel it.
@@thaothelazycat930 The skin peeling is an asian specific cultural thing where the skin is seen as dirty and socially inedible similar to banana peels. Most asians don't even know that apples have wax.. There's an implication also from your comment that the wax is artificially added on; the wax is a natural secretion of the fruit itself**
Actually it's just preference. Some people dislike the taste of the skin some people like them or simply doesn't care about them. When serving fruit to the quest the actual thing that makes the plating more pleasant to the eye is actually the cutting.
Cut up fruit is the worst. It's sticky, and apple slices go brown. Pineapples are so messy and a pain in the butt to cut up so I just buy pineapple rings and eat them straight out of the can from the fridge 😂
I have met some native American women who do not have this mindset. Even the older ones. I do not know if it's an individual thing or just a different cultural mindset with different tribes.
@@Passions5555None of it, it's just a victim of abuse thing everywhere in the world and instead of dealing with it via therapy they use their children as frustration objects
I made it my life's mission to make my Korean mom give up hope of ever training me to be a "good daughter" 😂😂 Happy to say, mission completed......a really long time ago 😈😈 Mwahahahaha!
From what I understood since I learned about the gacha wars in SK, you are just fine. Especially arguing with the adults. Bcz not all adults deserve to be respected
Honestly who gives a f*ck. I get that its a cultural thing but its so backwards thinking. I have no problem with people who are 'traditional' but it shouldn't be something that is expected of someone especially if its quite clearly the opposite of who that person is and youd be pushing their own beliefs values and personality to the side for. I watched one of my friends grow to resent their family because of constantly being forced to be someone she just wasnt and it has serious negative effects on her mental health. Love the person for who they are instead of trying to change them into a replica of someone else ❤
Marianismo is what we call it in Mexico/ Spanish for victims of the patriarchy/machismo my mom always taught me “ si pero no digo esto” “ay pero pobrecito ello no es mala” basically every time my exs or any man would make me upset or wrong me she told me I was right for feeling that way but I can’t act or say anything upon it or to not be “mean” because they are “trying” when they weren’t and I wasn’t being “mean” we need to stop being convinced to not be “mean” or “rude” take up space life is meant to live for yourself
Having good manner is important. But don't lose yourself. We are now at 21st century. Picking the best of each culture and blend them together is my take for being the best person
@Ohfr_ We run around without a shirt on because we don't have massive bags of fat hanging off our chests, but we wouldn't have an issue covering ourselves for the sake of modesty. Men have always paid out the most for alimony - courts make bank off child support and it comes off the backs of men. We take responsibility for our own actions because that's what we're told to do as men, that and because it's actually the RIGHT THING TO DO. Anything else?
@collegegoer45 You can take off your shirt because most people don't view it sexually due to historical events. A lot of places outside the US don't even consider breasts sexually in most context, and instead view it for it's intended purpose, food for babies. It doesn't have anything to do with fat or muscles, and if that were the case, a lot of men would keep their shirt on. And men most certainly don't take responsibility because they have high morals/values. It's thanks to historical protests and changes/reinforcements in the law. I agree, there are some legal changes that need to be made due to women taking advantage of a system that was meant to help them, but I also agree men are paying the price for the society they built.
@Ohfr_ We are definitely paying the price in allowing certain members of the public in places they don't belong. Also, name every single one of these "historical events" for reference to back up your argument. They might allow nudity in the 3rd world but guess what, sexual assault cases are at their highest in those places.
so truee, and it's worse when you're from a conservative family that also wants you to succeed in life as a modern day woman because everything, and I do mean *everything* conflicts with each other. Can't talk back but must know when to stand up for yourself or else you'll never make it in the real world. Must dress modestly no makeup or anything but also when you join the workforce you have to look professional so use a little makeup. Growing up was such a headache trying to figure out the double standards, exceptions, etc
I DESPISE parents like that, let people live how they want for christ sakes. I am so tired of gender roles that are reinforced by stupid sexist parents and old people
As a Korean, i heard apples here in korea are bigger than those of Europe.(idk other countries same?) I've never seen them tho but that's what i heard.
Lmao, I wanna be a traditional Korean wife but in return I want a man who can provide for me, love me unconditionally and protect me. If I find that man then I am ready to do anything for him.
my chinese mom😂 but fr I’m so tired of this whole conservative stuff and being born just for the sake of continuing the legacy and being a perfect wife while my future husband doesn’t have to do shit
😅 It's the same for black Americans. Our Great grandparents were more conservative and polite. That's because in the early to mid 1900's, that was expected of you.
