I don't want to be near her  

The rest of the story: I talked with my wife about it, she told me "you don't own anything to your parents, they failed you, so did your sister, I would let her die with her mistakes unsolved, but that's me, I will support you in any choice you make" I agree with her, but a part of me want to see her, but I don't know if I could control my self if I see her, I asked to my best friends and they both said I should go and give peace to her, so now I don't know if I'm doing wrong or I should let my anger away just for now at least until she passes away, so, Aita?

I agree with the wife (and many others I'm sure), he doesn't owe his family anything. Your forgiveness is yours to give as you see fit

Id let her apologize just so I could tell her "I do not accept your apology".

NTA that witch will take her peace and will laugh in your face. Had she been repentant, she would have never allowed you to be thrown out but she let the lie go on almost 2 decades. She’s lived the life of the poor little princess because of her own actions.

She's only feeling bad because she's dying. She could've came clean at any other point but from the sounds of it, she's only waiting til the last minute to say anything or have any guilt about it. People like that don't deserve anything, let alone forgiveness that isn't deserved

NTA she protected her ABUSIVE boyfriend over you and caused you to get kicked out, plus your parents never apologized for what they did. She caused harm to you to protect someone who's hurting her, she's doesn't deserve anything

Wait the sister admitted she lied to the parents and instead if either of them apologizing for kicking out and hurting there child that ask him to speak and forgive his sister? Are human beings really that dumb?

💯 any decision made is to give yourself peace. She threw hers away a long time ago.

How did the father react when she revealed it was a lie? That's what I want to know cuz if he hasn't tried to in contact to apologize then there's no way in hell I would forgive any of them

He can forgive them if he wants but even if he doesn't, he owes them nothing, he shouldn't be guilty about not forgiving the sister either because she lied and the parents blindly believed her, he doesn't need to forgive anyone

When your apology comes when you're terminal, it not about your victim. It's still all about you.

i thought it was wholesome at first, like an “i don’t wanna give her a last goodbye because i love her and will miss her dearly” but then i heard the first sentence and thought “nah that’s fair too”

The only reason she’s apologizing is she wants to die with a clear conscience. She’s done nothing but hurt him even in her last moments. Absolutely disgusting

she decided it was time to apologise on HER DEATHBED??💀💀💀 edit: yes i started a war and yes i still stand by my own opinion, and i repeat OPINION. if you can't express your feelings about the topic in a sane manner please refrain from wasting your time.

I would expect a face to face apology from the sister, mother AND father before even considering forgiving. And don’t forgive to make the sister feel better. Forgive to make yourself feel better.

110% justified. Her shelfish behavior is nothing short of unspeakable.

Sounds like quite the timeskip and it sounds like the dad isn't around either. My only question is, "Did the daughter confess to the father so her brother had peace?" If she didn't confess with no strings attached, then why should he "give her peace of mind".

NTA. If she wanted forgiveness she had two decades to ask for it, and the parents had the same. OP owes them nothing.

You cant almost ruin someones life, and expect them to owe you peace

I agree with him…people always want to ask for forgiveness when they are about to die after making someone suffer for years

Just speaking from experience, forgiveness is way overrated and OP’s sister deserves to live the rest of her life with this guilt but just because that day is coming sooner rather than later doesn’t mean OP owes her anything.

You dont owe those that hurt you peace. No one does.

If it were me, I would probably go but I would tell my sister that her apologies are not accepted, I would ask my father "how does it feel being mistaken all those years ago with kicking me out without trying to understand the situation first?", and I would tell my mother thanks for the money but now we are even. That's not a "family", that's just blood relatives. 😮‍💨

Go, turn her apology down and leave. That will sting like hell which is where she's going soon.

NTA Sister chose to cover up abusive boyfriend and ruin the relationship with her brother?! Yeah she did that! Let her take it with her to the afterlife.

Its too little too late! She made her bed now she has to sleep in it! Now that she's near death she wants to say sorry?

Remember She is apologising FOR HER. It's not because she did wrong by you, no. It's to clear their own consciousness. Block them. You deserve better.

She doesn't deserve peace, neither do this parents

Agree with Op, she doesn't deserve forgiveness

Good for you! She didn’t deserve your acceptance.

Weird how she wanted to wait till the last possible moment when she would have no consequences to do the right thing. All those years passed and I doubt she even thought about it at times

Literally apologizing in the last minute

Like she can wave the magic wand and all the pain and sorrow and despair just goes away. The entire damn family owes him an apology.

She doesn't deserve his forgiveness. He doesn't need to see her. She stopped being his sister as soon as she said that.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.

False accusations should be a crime

I find it funny how people always want to make peace in their death bed. But want to live in hatred in their life.. Some might say she made your bed now it's time to rest in it.

I think that people who wait until they are about to die to ask forgiveness are crappy people. They are not seeking forgiveness, they are seeking peace for only themselves. And people who think that you need to forgive someone, just because they are dying, are crappy people as well. They rather bring peace to someone dying, who is a bad person, rather than support the person who was actually hurt. He was kicked out of the house and she protected her abusive boyfriend.

I love how she waited until this to the point that she was dying to tell the truth in the way that she stabbed her brother in the back for the person she decided to love who is actually hurting her

Now that she is dying she remembered to apologize? She is still thinking about herself because she wants to die in peace

The parents aren’t even apologizing. I bet if the sister revealed the truth when she was still fine they wouldn’t have wanted to contact OP. And the fact they want you to empathize with them after literally kicking you out for no reason proves their stupidity.

Who tf prefers a boyfriend over a sibling? Ntah.

You don’t need to do anything as anything said or done in anger probably means they wanting to either say that or do it for long time and they picked a day and time to do so or say I hope you are doing well have a good day today

Victims have the right to choose whether to forgive or not. It's their rightful choice to make. Others have no right to tell victims to forgive just because they are not the ones experiencing it. Only victims will understand the emotional and mental turmoil of another victim who was put into a situation not of their own fault. They have a better understanding of the situation than those who don't. Leave the victims alone to forgive whenever they are ready if they ever choose to. Abusers are not entitled to tell victims when to forgive the abuse they intentionally did. OP can choose to go listen and stay quiet instead of forgiving or just not go at all if he wishes so. They've cut ties and financial support when he got kicked out so suddenly. No contact until the sister felt it's finally time. If anything, he and them are already strangers. No use playing the family game after all those wasted years. Do the parents expect him to take care of them after their daughter died? Do they feel their daughter deserved such easy closure instead of asking forgiveness sincerely for as long as it takes to gain forgiveness? Do they not feel any guilt towards the son that received the short end of the stick? So what if the victim chooses to forgive 2 decades after the abuser said sorry? She did wait 20 years after the fact to come clean. So victim has the right to wait too. She can go receive punishment in hell for the next 20 years until she receives her forgiveness. Others cannot victim blame people who were wronged.

My sister did the same except I went to jail for her lie. I cant get a good job now. It's been almost 10 years and I can't get it off my record cause she won't come clean about it.

Bro was savage 😭

I would go. However, I would say, "I want you to know that in spite of what you did to me, I made a life without you and my family. I do not forgive you, I want you to go to the grave knowing that I will never forgive you" then turn to my parents and say, "You chose a lie over me, I came to tell you all, that the day you did that you were dead to me. I want you to know that I will never forgive you either, and I will be leaving now and never have anything to do with you from this point on. You kicked me out of your lives, and now I'm returning the favor. I will not be at any of your funerals. From this point forward, I will never think of you again. " Then leave.

It's like she wanted to cover her back so she dies in peace even tho you'll always feel neglected

I would be honored to show compassion beyond my scars.

I’m petty, like petty bro, I’d call her ex get him to come with me, I’d even pay him, and when we see her we laugh, say tick tock, laugh a little bit more and leave, if you know why she’s dying you, let say she has brain cancer you can come in with your head wrapped up dripping fake blood and saying “I’m almost gone I need my peace” 😂

It's her peace that will be met not yours with that forgiveness. She neither deserves it nor do you deserve the stress it will bring to see her unrepentive but just wanting peace for herself. You go there and tell her that she can go to hell and leave immediately.

choosing boyfriend over brother is crazy

NTA. He doesn't owe them anything, they made their choice a long time ago. And now she decides to apologize, Please 😒

Personally I have learned that forgiving is letting go of hatred and anger towards someone; that is separate from not wanting to associate with those who have abandoned you.

If she lied and never came clean in all those years then only go to tell her off. Liars are the worst, lies destroy lives

Some people really thaught dying is an excuse for forgiveness. Like hell if I was on that situation, I would go to my moms funeral but my sister and my dad is I don't think so. What's the difference between forgiving them or not? Whatever you choose will make you regret it. You will regret not forgiving her in her deathbed, but you will also regret forgiving her for accusing you because it will be forever tattooed in your mind your whole life.

That’s tough, and no I don’t believe you are the asshole. The events that transpired and what happened to you and what happened to her weren’t any of your fault at all. I hope things are going alright for you and your wife.

Talk about favoritism, like you kicked your child out to protect the sister, and left him with such little money and turned out there was no reason to kick him out and you want him to forgive her

The first to apologise is the bravest The first to forgive is the strongest The first to forget is the happiest Forgive them, not because the deserve forgiven, but because you, deserve peace

He should tell her that she shouldn't cover up her abusive boyfriend like that. And that she should've spoken up AGAINST him if she didn't want more bruises from her abusive boyfriend. Putting the blame on someone else, ESPECIALLY your own family, would make things WORSE. If he said that, she probably wouldn't have been in this mess.

Op’s choice is plain valid, and why now on her deathbed?

The sister has the right to try to reconcile and ask for forgiveness before she passes, but the brother has the right to decline to give it to her.

How many years has it been? Did shitty dad or sister ever apologise? Did sister ever tell the truth? You owe NONE of them anything. Remember, mom didn't believe you either. You just eve ed it out by responding to your mom. Tell your friends she should have NEVER lied, and she should have reached out BEFORE she was on her deathbed. Continue no contact with exparents and ex sister. Then go low contact with said friends and find new ones too.

Your parents and sister owe you an big apology. Write a letter clarifying how you feel and why you don't feel the need to assuage your sister's guilt. All of them can apologize via video conference. You shouldn't have to go out of your way to get an apology. Alternatively, you could ask for written apologies from all 3, to avoid any 3D drama.Then it's up to you how to accept or reject their apology. I don't understand how your father or mother would assume you're guilty without proof. Whether you accept or reject the apologies, I would not trust any of them in the near future. For your sister to blame you for this long, she could have been harboring some hidden resentment or immature & distorted sibling rivalry that even she herself didn't recognize. It seems too convenient for her to now want to apologize after reaping whatever benefit she could and after you being victemized for this long.Your trust must be earned and should remain conditional.

It is harsh, but sometimes things a person has done can be unforgiveable. There is no must to forgive a person who has wronged you, and they signed up for that when they did wrong you. But remember, forgiving somebody is not only for their peace, but for yours too.

If this story is real: GET KARMA'D!

Its a complex situation. The *METOO* & *Believe Her* crowd have made such a fuss that parents are caught. Do they believe thier child & support them, doubting them at the same time? They get the flak from the noisy opinionated ones. They're forced to choose bn kids & if the *Victim* plays it well then a decision has to be made. So they have a Solomons choice thats going to suck. I get it, as my sister went loopy, accused her husband of molesting thier 1 yo child, left him & made a whole song/dance about this. She's not particularly truthful. Was a savage bit¢h about access& played the victim to the hilt. We, incl my parents, had lots of doubts. In the end initially, they took no sides but that of thier grandson. She then went into therapy & *Discovered* by "repressed memories" that our bio Dad , a family friend & I myself had m0lested her as a child. Funny, I think I'd have remembered THAT!! SO I've been on the receiving end of the false allegations. About that point we rallied around her ex husband who was going to pieces in a $ui¢idal way. A horrible situation all round. But we did know my sister pretty well. Attention seeking, What we call call W0ke now, vindictive & able to convince herself of absolute BS. It's bc of this & too many cases of false allegations that I dealt with as a cop years ago that I learnt to be very cautious about allegations like this. They can destroy a man for life, yet are easy to make& fake & the Laws scramble to defend *Victims* . So does society. I don't envy parents having to make this call. Particularly in this case when parents are present & should know whether a child is bullying or being violent to another. If it feels off it probably is. Women who falsely lay these allegations deserve every bit of contempt society & the law has to give. They threaten those who ARE victims. They deserve NO forgiveness whatsoever. What theyv done is unforgivable. I include women who vindictively accuse thier husband's of mistreating them & the children in order to refuse fathers access & involvement with thier children. No forgiveness.

Im so proud of that man. He made the hard decision of not giving people that didnt deserve his attention, his attention, due to guilt. He resisted guilt just to not give people what they didnt deserve. That actually made me want to cheer out Loud for his bravery on that.

Maybe he should go, not to give peace to her, rather make peace for himself

LIFE HACK for situations like this one: Instead of trying to forgive her - it'll be much easier to forgive yourself for not forgiving her. Ta-da! :) I would hear her out and say "Back then, your lies ruined my reputation and took my family away from me. You had years to make things right, and you never did. I forgive MYSELF for not accepting your selfish fake apology. Rot in hell." ... and just walk away. If/WHEN she yells back something negative, I'd take out a piece of paper and hand it to mom. The paper will say: "See? Evil selfish liars can't hide their true colors." and I would NOT. SAY. ANOTHER. WORD. as I walk out. :D I'd just silently repeat the mantra to myself in my head: "I forgive myself for not forgiving a selfish fake apology."

I mean she sure doesn't Not having social media accounts is practical for someone like me 😂

You owe her nothing. You owe them absolutely nothing. 💯 percent your parents failed you. Your forgiveness is yours to give or not give. You have every right to continue to live free of them. F them.

Who else thought it was going to be a sad wholesome story about how they don't want to let their sister go? 😭

The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water in the womb… if you have an abusive family, then it’s not a family, it’s just a bunch of people.

I have a great relationship with my family, so this whole scenario is foreign to me. I'm personally big on forgiveness. The sister clearly made poor choices, and being the daughter, the parents believed her story. Do you owe them any of them anything? Maybe not but you have a chance to be the best version of yourself and show mercy to someone who probably doesn't deserve it. I'd hope someone would give me that in a time of need.

Go to her and tell her, that you don't forgive her and you will never forgive your parents. Then go back to the life you build without them.

This is something OP will regret on his deathbed. Forgiveness is not just for the person you forgive. It's for your own good. You hold on to spite like that and try not to let it affect how you live your life. Obviously he's still angry about it, so it's going to need addressed at some point.

Finally one where the wife doesn’t call the OP an a-hole and stops talking to him 😀

Honestly, i dont blame the parents for thinking he actually hit, me and my brother have gotten in lretty intense fights, with mostly me being harmed, with bruises etc, and once he even flung a stool at me. So if op had a history of hitting his sister, i can see why the parents believed the sister and thought enough. But the sister is a huge asshole for lying about that, for putting him in trouble, when she couldve asked for help against her abusive ex.

Sensational 😌 he is a wise man. Finally a story with a wonderful ending he didn’t second guess himself asking if he is the a##hole and just didn’t entertain the thought

Sigma ✊️

I say, go see her not for her or anyone else, but for yourself. So you may see her at her weakest & let out how you feel. You do not have to forgive her, but you do need to give yourself some healing so you can move on. Seeing her at her weakest will allow that.

It’s not about what’s best for her but what’s best for you. Clearly this still bothers you after all these years. I would see her and before letting her unburden herself, tell her how you feel and what her actions did to you. Then you will have the full picture and can go from there.

Some people are mean enough to not even apologize..such a shame. How disgraceful these people could be.

NTA. As others have said forgiveness is yours to give. When you spoke to your mother did she apologize? Has your father reached out to you? Do they not realize what her lie cost them, and you? It would be extremely hard, but perhaps you owe it to yourself as I don't feel that you owe them anything. Good luck.

Peace is always the better option.

I'm petty, so I'd want to let her live her last moments in the same pain and anguish I felt for years (probably a decade or more tbh). But I also hate making people feel bad and would be tempted to see her and just make sure she gets to say her peace and see what happens.

I say meet and decide in the moment if you want to forgive or rinse her out, she deserves both and neither but op can only kno when faced with her.

Your enemies will become your friends When you get a sister like that

Forgiveness isn’t just for her it’s mainly for you, if your sister dies and one day you’re ready to forgive her you would probably live with guilt of not doing it before she died, but you shouldn’t fake forgive her just to make them happy

Nta. If that were me, my petty ass would have posted on Facebook "Hell gained another Demon". Best op can do is carry on, and live well.

Nta. I believe in forgiveness and some people should have it but i’m also smart enough to know that not everyone deserves forgiveness and closure. She is a grown ass adult that chose to protect the actual abuser and thanks to her fib,she fucked up her relationship with OP and OPs’ relationship with their parents and their life. Not to mention she had so much time to apologize and try to make things right but it took laying on a death bed for her to finally realise what she did. That damage can’t be undone. I’d say go to ease the parents’ minds but don’t forgive her.

bro i had to rewatch this to folllow the story because i was so invested in the food

You will give yourself peace by talking to her.

It's right to see her, she messed up in the worst way, but admitted it and now that's the thing she's most wanting? To apologise? Her forgiveness but not the parents who even after finding out she lied, haven't apologised. Only forgive those who are sorry. Respect is earned, so is forgiveness.

The last regrets and fears of a life are terrifying.imagine haveing not done much,or careing about someone butvsome how always seem to nitpick and cant help it,now your dying,you want someone to knoe your aaware you messed up and couldnt help it.u love them and your sorry

Forgiveness is for you, not her. If she dies without you closing that chapter with release, you’ll never be able to let it go.

Op should go and see his sister, not for her sake but for his own. He should go and tell his sister what her betrayal meant to him and tell her to her face that she doesn't deserve his forgiveness and won't be getting it. He should tell his parents to their faces that he also doesn't forgive them for failing to see the truth. He should go only to vent at them and then tell them Never to come near or speak to him ever again. He deserves to express his anger towards the people that caused it and make it clear from that moment they are nothing to each other and never will be. Op deserves that closure and to finally put his past behind him where it belongs.

You owe your family nothing. Forgiveness is yours to give. Though if I were you I would go and see them and listen to her just so I can leave the past behind and move on with life.

You can always hear the apology, but you don't have to accept it.