I Got Married Less Than a Year Ago & Now In-Laws Plan To Move In My Husband's Disabled TWIN Brother 

I hate when commenter's are always like " she fed and clothed you" but that is literally what they are legally obligated to do. She made the choice to give birth to him not the other way around. I'll do anything for my parents but it's not something that I am obligated to do.

"Why would you tell your sister that you don't like Kelly?" "Now she'll never take kelly around you." Um, good...

The autistic brother is not OPS problem. The husband planned this before he married Op. He says he has time to care for Sam. What he means is WE have time to care for Sam. Op needs to nope out. She and her husband have been married for what, a year? They should still be in the honeymoon phase. She shouldn't have to put her life on the back burner for this family. She wants kids of her own one day. Sam needs to either go into assisted living or stay with one of the other 100 siblings and half siblings. NTA.

“i probably applied to 15 different places, i can’t believe it’s this hard” me sitting here with my spreadsheet of 200+ applications

“Maybe your mom should bill you for everything she’s done for you.” Funny how Reddit always (rightfully) vilifies any parent who does that, but the moment it’s a blue collar worker trying to not get screwed, suddenly it’s perfectly okay to suggest it. Replace “plumber” with “artist” or “photographer,” and any comment like that would be downvoted to oblivion.

Story one being a teen mom is not Ops fault or problem…one year in I would totally divorce him. He says he will do the care but husband will not. It will be on you, and you will be miserable. Run.

Plumbing story is CRAZY. What is up with those comments!!??? What happened to Reddits backbone of “you didn’t ask to be born so what they did for you was their choice and responsibility “

Plumber: I get “family”, but it seems kinda shitty that the parents wouldn’t support their child who’s in a trade and pay him what he’s owed.

Telling someone their kid is a brat and not welcome at your wedding is NOT an idiot thing to do. It might wake them up to the fact they're terrible parents. And if it doesn't, well, the fact they likely won't ever come around you again is a GOOD thing. The Bride is NTA.

Plumbing story: OP didn't 'schedule' the job during his working day. His mother CALLED him DURING his working day, and as soon as he completed the job he was working on he immediately he went to take care of her job BEFORE he went to his next scheduled job. Any plumber I've heard of charges a surcharge for immediate emergency service. OP not doing that is a family discount.

#3: "Brandon, who the fuck invited you? And why would you invite a guest as well? Neither of you are invited. You both need to leave, now. One, you were not invited. Two, your daughter was not invited. Three, this wedding is child-free. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here."

Brats eventually have to learn that most people don't like brats. Better that she learn that sooner rather than later.

Honestly, if I were op in the second story, I'd agree to waive the entire fee...Tell them it's on you... but from now on they need to call a different handyman unless they're willing to WAIT for YOU to have time to stop by. And they need to buy the materials.

Story 1 - Holy hell that family is a complete and utter mess. The mom dipped after birthing 12 kids, the dad shoved the responsibility of parenting his high needs children onto (presumably) his father, and even with grandpa raising them - the oldest daughter has been taking care of her disabled sibling on top of being a teen parent and going on to have 7 kids of her own?! And she was forced to take on that roll in elementary school? Where are the other siblings than OP’s SIL and her husband? I dont think this marriage is going to last.

Brandon wasn't even invited and he decided to invite his 10 year old kid? I can see why Kelly is a brat.

If they try forcing the issue on the first one, then drop the husband. They basically ARE their own village since there's 12 of them. 9 of them don't want to be bothered, but 8 of them are fully capable. Tell them to get with the program, or you're leaving.

Story 1: NTA and I disagree with the YTA comment saying OP saying it was cold of SIL to want to dump brother on them instead, it IS cold, especially because the siblings decided they didn't want him in a care facility, and OP isn't related to him. Also, don't like how OP is worried husband will 'hold it over her head' if she refuses, brother wants to be the 'savior spouse, where they get all the praise for doing the right thing but making OP do probably 90-95% of the actual care.

Story 2 (plumber story). NTA. $20 doesn't even cover the cost of materials, let alone labor and travel.

Story 1 - This is too much to put on your wife of ONE YEAR. This should have been established prior to marriage. OP, I don't see your marriage lasting. He has 12 siblings. It's not Sam's fault that only one sibling is standing up. I agree with people saying Sam planned this. They got married, and his brother moved in for 8 months. Now, they expect her to care for his other brother. I don't think so.

story 2 - i’m sorry, did that YTA commenter seriously just suggest that OP’s mom CHARGE OP FOR RAISING HIM??? in response to not being given a “big enough” family discount for a kitchen repair??????

S1: OP should not have married into this circus. Their poor choices are not her problem, and the husband just screams weak-link. She needs to prepare to bounce. And definitely do not do NOT have children with this man.

Story 1: Husband problem. Next.

Story 2: NTA, and to be perfectly frank the fact OP: A) Went to their parent's place not only immediately but when it was out of his normal area he works in and B) didn't charge them for it being an emergency or being a last-minute demand was already a huge FAAAAAAMILY perk and discount. Mom handing over 20 bucks is an outright insult.

Story 2: You told her in advance. Verbal contract. Work hours. NTA. The comparison to people expecting free art is perfectly succinct.

"Maybe your mother should bill you for everything she's done for you..." Firstly, it is a PARENT'S JOB to take care of the children they brought into this world. No child owes a parent for raising them and kids never asked to be born. Secondly, just because your child becomes a >insert occupation name here< doesn't mean that adult child has drop everything to answer their call. The adult child has a job and has to make a living. If said adult child wants to help out their parent it is their prerogative, not a given.

What kind of person just decides to invite themselves and their guest to a wedding where they don't even know anyone? Is the sister putting him up to that or is he just pushy?

The handiman: he's not a kid anymore, she should have at least paid for the parts and then the $20.00. He put her ahead of people who were paying full price. It was out of his area ie he made a special trip to do it. Don't do it anymore.

Story 1: I think OP’s husband was planning to bring his brother to live with them.OP needs to get away from all of them.

12 kids?! The MIL's hoha is a Slip 'n Slide!

No one is owed free labor.

Parents ate obligated to feed and cloth their kids. Kids are not obligated to provide highly skilled work to family for free or 20 bucks.

1. It would've been NTA until she started hypocritically attacking the SIL, then it became ESH. That said - there's a good chance a lot of it was planned from the beginning, so I'd definitely cut loose. 2. NTA - this is a reason why a lot of people say not to let your family hire you to do your job because they WILL press you for a discount or even outright rip you off. 3. NTA - "You know what happens when you ASS-U-ME." 4. Been there, done that (and this was 25 years ago!). NTA

S1: If that family has that many people they can put him in a care home and they can share the cost. If they say no then leave.

OP marrying into this family with all these red flags, .. and brother in law needs specialized care

I'm still blown away by all these people that want to go to weddings especially men

That comment in the plumbing story clearly did not read the story. This sub is full of people who don’t know how to read and just throw out their own narrative and accusation.

Don’t take in Sam when you’re planning to have kids. All that will happen is that husband will slowly need to “work more” and you will be stuck with Sam until you die or divorce. There are a lot of great group homes for Autistic adults. Look around. And the siblings who rage about “no homes” can be the ones to step up and care for him.

Sam is not OP's responsibility. Dump the husband and let him take care of his brother.

Don't help out your parents, thus day and age the cost of living is extreme for many people. If they can't pay you or don't want to then they can wait until you're not working and can help out or they can call someone else to help them and pay their rates.

Last story could have happened in 2008. That's when I wandered all around town trying to apply for jobs, with my mother's insistence that I just had to show up, fill out an application, and keep coming back and asking about it and I would get hired for sure. Half those places didn't even have paper applications, and made you apply online! None of them contacted me, either, and nobody cared about me showing back up to ask about jobs. Took me months just to get a crappy fast food job. The mom's insistence that OP will be top of the heap since she has a bachelor's degree is so laughably out of touch, it fills me with nostalgia for those times.

Married only about a year or so? I'd have a real heart-to-heart with The Husband and lay it all out. Don't want to take care of The Brother, understand his wanting to, understand The SIL's wanting to get a break, etc., but it's a hard no, and if that'll breed resentment or anything, "Let's just cut our losses and go separate ways before any 'entanglements' (eg, kids, house, etc.) complicate things". A clean break would probably be best. But even if The Husband said he could deal, I wouldn't take the slightest chance of having kids, because you pretty much *know* he'll keep pushing, and maybe decide to just take in The Brother anyway. Nah, that's a no-win situation.

First OP should just divorce and leave.

Plumbing Story: OP, don’t listen to the YTA comments regarding you charging your mother for the work that you did. Believe me, if you did this job for next to nothing, your family would be calling you all the time, expecting you to do quality work for $20.00 per job. You are not a child, you are an adult who needs to support himself. Unless mom and dad are prepared to pay all of your bills every month, they need to pay your rates when they want you to do work for them😠 Wedding Story: So, your sister’s new boyfriend invites himself and his bratty daughter to your wedding without asking you? By all means check the father and daughter off of your guest list😒

Story #1: Even though I feel sorry for Sam, I think your husband was always planning to bring his brother home long before you two got married. He would magically be there to help for the first few weeks, then he'll have to work late and then he can't help with appointments or anything else. I'll just leave before he baby traps you!!

Story 2: NTA. They owe you money. Tell 'em to pay up or you're suing. Then blacklist them.

Story 2: OP’s family are entitled,he doesn’t need to do free work for anyone.

How you speak to a woman who was parentified since a child makes you an AH. Not wanting to take care of a high needs sibling doesn't make you an AH though.

Why is everyone dog piling on OP in the plumbing story? Mother needs to be an adult and pay for a service she requested. She's acting like a child.

That last comment in the $20 story is silly AF. Op didnt ask to be born. If i was op I would of undid the work.😊 NTA in job story. " Its disheartening but it wouldn't hurt" that's literally hurt 😆

Story 2... I did renovations and handyman work for 40+ years (now retired). My "Friend's and Family" rate was 20% off for my time, and they paid for any and all materials. They all thought this was more than generous. $20 for the job OP described is less than 1/2 the cost of materials, and he did the job during his regular working hours when he would be doing any other job at full rate. Please don't try and take advantage of your family members. If your child was a doctor would you demand he drop their patients in the waiting room or awaiting surgery because you stubbed your toe? I don't think so.

The Sam situation should have been discussed years ago. Like when he was born or soon there after, by his parents

Story 2: I mean, considering the fact $20 probably wouldn't even cover the cost of the materials (the shut-off valves alone can be about $10 a piece, and you need one for hot water and one for cold), his parents are definitely in the wrong here. If I was OP, I'd say, "Fine. You can get a discount this time. You don't have to pay any more money." Then next time they call, tell them you're too busy and they need to get someone else to do it. "Sorry, I have bills to pay, which means paying customers come first. I just don't have time to help you."

I can’t in good faith charge my own mother. If it weren’t for her support I wouldn’t have the skills I do now

Story 2: Awful lot of entitled people saying YTA in that story, if you want something cheaper than quoted you can look up how to do it on youtube and get the parts yourself and do it for cheaper yourself, you're paying a professional for their experience. Hell if anything a normal rate *would* be a discount IMO since they got priority service, "emergency calls" like that cost extra to some places.

Plumbing story, when its family the going rate is usually a bit discounted, or a carton of beer, but not $20 like you're a teenager still doing chores. And nobody owes their parents for providing them with necessities lol, that's part of the responsibility of having a child. Only psychos carry on about being owed for feeding and clothing you ffs.

#1: "I never agreed to take care of your autistic brother long-term. Short-term is one thing, which we have done already. You have known this for a long time. This will change our entire relationship's trajectory. We won't be able to have kids, go on vacations, etc. Having seven children was a decision your sister agreed to."

1st story: Sorry, Ops BIL is NOT her responsibility. For all of you calling her selfish DM them and send money to help out otherwise button it up. I too wonder if this was the husbands plan all along. As much as the husband says, don't worry I'll be responsible for him, you and I know he will slowly pawn off all the care giving to Op. Oh you're a woman, it's in your nature to care for people. Op should run before one day she comes home and the brother is sitting on the couch waiting for her to cook dinner.

Anyone who thinks $20 is 25-50% has NEVER hired a handyman. That's more like 90%.

Story 1: I was on OP's side until she tried to guilt-trip a woman who lost her childhood to being parentified. OP is YTA for how she handled the conversation with SIL

Story 2, that man is not her responsibility. He has a bunch of siblings who can all step up and look after their brother. That 2nd commenter is really stupid to think that the OP is responsible for someone’s brother.

story 1 your not the idiot here you’re husband and his family is they planed for you to take full time care of his brother for life without asking you start looking for disability care homes right away for your husband brother to go into if they don’t except this get a divorce because I bet you’re husband and his family will just move him in forcing you to take care of him say no and move out before it’s too late 🤬🤬🤬😡🤔🤔

I signed up to care for my husband and our son, not my husband's mother, sister, and nephew. He agreed, even though his family raised Cain about it. We live peacefully and without the drama they would have brought to our doorstep.

the handyman story was an easy fix. make them pay for materials and give the labor for free

Last story, LOL! 8 years ago you could just walk in with a resume? Dude, 12 years ago I passed my pharmacy tech certification, but (in my area) unless you had a minimum of a year work experience they didn't want you. Most places actually wanted 2 years instead of 1! I don't think you could just walk into a place an be hired since the 80s.

The people in the plumber story saying "just help your mom for free or do you hate her?", I just wanna ask; if you owned a car business and your mom asked for a $200,000 Jeep and then gave you a $20 and said "this should be enough, right 😘", would you then accept that because 'fAmiLY'. I'd bet money that they would say "but it's different", except it's not different, both your and his mom asked for a work favor, now you have to pay for the work favor.

Bride not wanting to invite her sister's boyfriend's bratty kid: NTA. Childfree is childfree. The boyfriend is very presumptuous to invite himself AND his kid without even consulting the bride & groom. The sister is an AH for not telling him its childfree and not asking the bride if it was ok to bring her new bf. People telling OP to "grow up" are jerks. OP doesn't have to invite the boyfriend or his kid. She's not being a bridezilla here. Did she need to mention that she doesn't like the kid? No, but its her sister she's talking to and she's letting her know how she feels. But the kid wouldn't have been invited regardless because its childfree.

The parents should charge for anything that wasn't a necessity. If the Op did a sport or after school activity that neefed fees and equipment, that needs to be paid back. If they paid his trade school tuition, he needs to pay that back

Nti: Op make a choice on if you want to stay married to your husband because as you said he is upset that you won’t agree to allow brother to move in, this will only get worse. To be honest you may go to work and come home to the brother already moved in. Get an annulment. Mom can’t bill for what is legally required as a parent. You know the person/ persons who chose to have a child and bring them into this world. He could have said No. From now on Op say you are busy or get paid up front.

My father is a warehouse supervisor. You need years of experience in shipping/receiving and logistics... definitely was not a waste of time to skip that one. And my dad's done it for 22 years. These new positions want you to have a BA in logistics.

Story 2. Just eat it and never work for them again !!!!!

Story #3: NTA!! But I have a great mom ,so I would have asked her for a red velvet cake!!😊

Well if she didn't wanted to fed, clothed or giving shelter to Op as a kid, she should have used birthcontrol

I’m trying to figure out why the bride is the idiot for not wanting Kelly… (who is a guest of a guest who also wasn’t invited) not coming to the wedding. But the bride is entitled? Laughable

Not liking someone is a perfectly valid reason for you to not invite that person to your wedding. And it's slow in the head to think it's ok to bring your boyfriend to a wedding when he is not invited. It's even more dumb to think that you could bring the boyfriend's kid who has no relationship with with the bride and groom. It's down right moronic when you know it's a child free wedding. Hard no to these entitled people including the sister. They are going to be nothing but problems.

People bragging to the last OP that they sent 100 to 200+ applications sound like those old guys that say "You kids have it easy, back in my day we walked to school while running from wildlife!" or something stupid like that.

Tell your mom and dad that if they don't respect your work and time that you spent fixing their house, next time they should call someone else to do the work. F-ing 20 bucks for hours of work laying in uncomfortable positions. Totally not worth it. And you can't even get someone to come to your house for less than $50.

If anybody sounds stingy, it is the Mom. Who doesn’t pay somebody for their professional work? Even if they are your kid or other family member.

Did you think the fighting over his family was going to get less after you were married? Of course it’s her right to say no. NTA!

His brother is not ur problem

The Usual Fee.😂😂😂

What the actual fk is the yta on story 1 smoking????? Ops husband volunteered op up for long term caring for Sam without her consent or knowledge. Op does not owe anyone her life (which is what it is being a long term carer for an adult). And just because SIL is tired is no excuse. The other siblings can step up.

One day Sam will need a care home. So rather than manipulate this poor sister into carrying on with this you need to be more proactive. find a nice home. But leave her alone!!!

Handyman: Nope. Skilled labor deserves full payment full stop. Those moron parents should have paid their child. That's his job. They chose to have a kid and the law says they have to do food, shelter, clothing. You don't owe them for THAT.

I can see how the mum would confuse his "usual" rate with what she would usually pay him as a teen vs what he "usually" charges his clients. To be fair he didnt state rough amount or even his hourly rate just the ambiguous "usual" ... they did have a prior standing arrangement too! the $20 would stand. In these types of small claims he would lose because there was nothing quoted and a prior "understanding". I say he tries to get reimbursed for materials, keep the $20 as the usual rate and take the lesson. He would have known a rough figure and he should have stated that. YTA

Story 2: I understand making money. I'm at odds with my mother, but I don't charge her full price for anything. People get to choose the relationships they want though

Story 1: Funny how the husband didn't feel a responsibility towards Sam UNTIL he was married. The first brother staying temporarily may've been his attempt at getting a foot in the door with "Well you allowed that so why not this?" While it's sad the sister was parentified into caring for Sam, her becoming a teen mom and having 7 kids was HER CHOICE. The fact is that she is basically Sam's mom at this point and it'll be cruel to him for her to just up and abandon him because she's sick of caring for him. If that's the position they're in, then they really should look at a long-term care facility for Sam instead of trying to pawn him off onto a different person, because you know the work will fall 100% on OP instead of her husband (and she isn't related to them). OP is better off leaving now instead of getting trapped in whatever scheme her husband and his family try cooking up (such as just moving Sam in and saying "He's here now, deal with it"). Story 2: NTA. Mom called OP for a job, she was told in advance they pay rate he expected and agreed to it, he came and performed a job, so now she has to pay him fairly for that job. If she refuses, take her to court like you would any other client. The people saying OP owes them for raising him, hell no. Providing for their child is the parent's LEGAL OBLIGATION for having said child. Parent's know going into having a kid that it's a sunk costs as they're the ones on the hook for lodging, clothing, food, and any activities they put their kids in. OP does not owe them for being brought into the world. He is a professional in his field. If paying $20 to any other handyman for the same job would be laughably insulting, then it's equally insulting to do that to OP. Story 3: NTA. It was incredibly rude for sister and her new boy-toy to assume he has an automatic invite to the wedding. Even more rude for them to assume they could attach his kid onto it as well. I'd honestly disinvite the sister altogether as it feels like bad karma to have a woman who was likely cheating on her husband to stand by your side as MOH. Also not liking someone IS a valid reason to not want them around, for those saying OP was an AH for saying she didn't like Kelly. Why the heck would you want someone you dislike, who runs the risk of being a distractive/destructive brat, at a major event in your life? Story 4: NTA. OP may be slightly out of touch himself (only 15 applications? Expect to put in way more than that.) but he's right that his mother is wildly out of touch. If you can't get a backroom/shelf stocking job because more people are qualified (likely because those are jobs they've been doing) then it's right to assume you would not qualify for a supervisor role at a factory. Having a Bachelor's Degree doesn't mean as much as people think it does when people with Master's Degrees are also struggling to find work. Experience trumps education and good luck trying to get an entry-level job anywhere now.

Applied to fifteen places and gets discouraged? You should be applying to at least 15 A DAY if you want to actually find something.

1) NTA, shame on the parents for continuing to have kids they couldn't care for, it is not OP's responsibility to become a care taker for her disabled BIL. Get out of this family now if the husband is putting his brother over his wife. 2) Mom was told in advance OP expected regular pay so it is not right she tried to not pay, but I also wonder why he wouldn't volunteer to help his parents without expecting pay. ESH. 3) Sis created this problem by assuming her boyfriend should come when the invitation was originally for her and her husband, she created a further problem by not correcting him immediately that it was a child-free wedding and he couldn't have his child tag along. Since she made these mistakes she now she has to backtrack. But OP didn't need to be rude and unkind to say she disliked the child. ESH. 4) If OP can't get a "decent" job, he should at least get some job. Mom is not entirely wrong that he should apply to whatever has positions to fill. YTA.

Story 1: NTA, none of what SIL is your problem. Not the teen pregnancy or all her children. She might be tired but it's her own fault. Literally all those pregnancies could have been prevented if she kept her legs shut, used condoms or just some form of birth control. Like seriously, don't bitch to someone who wasn't involved in your problems, like somehow it's their fault. You reap what you sow. The brother needs to be put in a home with proper care takers, they might even be able to teach him things. A lot of people fail to try and teach those with a high level of autism because they instantly think they can't learn as much or might never learn anything.

Story 1: NTA, but the marriage is over. ETA: Gotta love the commenters guilt tripping OP.

For the handy man, family doesn’t matter when it comes to fees. My parents paid for my massage license and they CHOSE to do that. Sorry, but I’m $115/hour because I’m very good at what I do and I don’t make enough to waive many fees. The only time I give discounts is if you’re very injured or elderly and need bodywork but can’t afford it. My parents can. Be mad.

Even if the handyman son wanted to give his parents mates rates it’s reasonable for them to reimburse him for items he had to buy for their job

For the handyman story where people are saying he owes his parents for all they did...they are his parents. they are legally obligated to care for him. that's not something they should be rewarded for. it's literally their job. if they went into it with this idea that their kids owe them, they shouldn't have had kids. kids don't owe their parents literally anything. it's just like with anything else. I don't ask the govt to give me money because I obey the laws. I obey laws because they are laws! you take care of your kids because they are your legal responsibility. he doesn't owe her anything. sure he can be nice and offer discounts or do it for free, but he's not a jerk for not doing that.

S1: I can already see the update of "So, my husband decided to go against my wishes and bring his brother after being pilled up by his family." NTA. S2: I'm a graphic designer, and I'm so glad my family respect my job. They pay for my work, and at worst ask opinions and input on something they're planning, which I'm happy to give for free. I would never help again, honestly. "But faaaaamily! is not an excuse. "You were fed, gave you a roof, clothed..." yeah yeah, it was that or jail for child abandonment. NTA. S3: It's a childfree wedding. There, the end. OP has no obligation of liking anyone's kid (specially a misbehaved one). The last comment is totally OP's sister. NTA. S4: While I feel for OP, I also agree with the comments that he should do better. And seriously, did he misspelled the "8" in 8 years ago? This has been going for way longer now and it sucks. YTA.

Story 2: Oh STFU, Op is NTA, he’s a professional, this is his job. Interesting how people are usually all “you’re a professional ans this is your job” but not this time… This is ridiculous

S1: You do NOT spring full time live in caretaker on a brand new spouse after the wedding and expect people to just roll over and give up the rest of their lives and potential plans. Hubby definitely knew that this move was coming and was banking on OP just giving in and being the full time caregiver to HIS twin brother. If the rest of the siblings do not want to help care for the brother then they do NOT get an opinion or vote in the long term care plans. Either they can put their lives, money, time, and labor on the line or they can close their mouths and go sit down. That's a snaky shady family and OP needs to bounce! S3: So it sounds like Sis's (probably) affair partner is inviting himself and his child to OP's wedding without so much as even meeting the bride and groom in any meaningful way and Sis is surprised that OP doesn't want to bend the rules to allow absolute strangers to gate crash her wedding. While it may have been harsh to call the kid a brat I guarantee she is being taught a strong sense of entitlement by her father. If Sis doesn't want to attend the wedding in solidarity of her gate crashers then that is a choice she can make but she will have to live with the consequences going forward. OP and her husband have a duty to keep things fair for all of their friends and families at the wedding. If they are not going to break their rules for people they know and love then they had better not break them for strangers because they will alienate everyone else they know in order to keep Sis's (probably) affair partner happy.

Story1: I have to agree with one of the comments, NTA on not wanting to be a longtime caregiver for her disabled BIL but YTA for calling the SIL "cold" and manipulating her. She raised her own siblings from the time she was in kindergarten? Yeesh. She was parentified at a young age, probably didn't learn about birth control at all, and ended up with 7 kids. She got knocked up young -probably seeking some sort of father figure or love because she was the one always giving the love-- and then went on to have more kids. The next 6 could have been prevented, but its easy to judge that in hindsight. I feel worse for the SIL than OP. But I still support OP not wanting the BIL to move in. I also understand why her husband wants to help his twin. If I thought for a moment that he would actually be the primary caregiver and not dump it all on OP, I'd say NAH (with the exception of OP's nasty comments to SIL) but I suspect he wouldn't actually take care of the brother. Now, OP did have a point that it could be very difficult for Sam to move in to a new strange place like that, but what she said to SIL about it was out-of-line. The whole situation sucks.

Blah blah blah.... "Because family".... This is nothing more than then the chant of a narcissist and abuser ! This can apply to many of the stories here, future and past. Start standing up to them, create a better future for everyone !!!

It’s sooooo easy as a commenter to judge someone who does not want to take care of a disabled adult ……I am sure the commenter calling her a idiot would just jump up to the opportunity to take care of a disabled adult ……It is NOT HER JOB ….

Second story if only said regular rate. She might have assumed the regular 20 $