This literally happened to me when I was 17 and going on my senior year in high school. My parents kicked me out in our home in Detroit. My brother stepped up and told me I can come live with him and his family in Burbank, CA. When I got there I was on punishment (rightfully so) until I was able to prove myself and make amends with my parents. My brother got me a regular phone on his line with parental controls on there (yes very embarrassing for me) but it worked. He told me the whole point of me staying with him is to regroup and focus on gaining my parents trust and building a better relationship with them. Being away helped my relationship with my parents, after the first week I called them daily and we worked it out slowly but surely. I was back home in Detroit before the fall to finish up my senior year with my class.
If she is 17, she is approaching adulthood quickly.. Have her get a job.. Even if she’s staying temporarily, it’ll give her something constructive to do and also she can start becoming responsible for some things for her self🤷🏾♀️
@@rochellethundercloud346what if she needs a map? Or wants to listen to her music, google some questions, etc. there’s nothing wrong with a regular phone
Get boundaries straight. Get her a phone to know where she is at what she is doing. Chores, curfews, rules. Remember she is 17. Know whom she hangs with. Check them out. When you're at work who's allowed in your home. Lock up all alcoholic beverages!!! Girl, good luck, you got this.
Let it be known that you're not her friend. You're her guardian, so set boundaries, give her rules, give structure and hold her accountable.....on top of giving her your time, letting her know you see her, also hearing and listening to her. Be blessed... you got this
Hey boo, I think she needs a cellphone. But you don’t change how you and Amy does things. If you don’t cook every day she will either cook for herself or eat carry out with you guys. It’s hard to work all day and come home and have to cook. Not to mention you are doing RU-vid and you have brand deals that’s a lot. You got this boo. Make sure you give her chores.
Talk to Amy about what rules and boundaries you two want to set and tell your niece about them off rip. It’s summer, so she needs to get a job to give her a sense of responsibility and something productive to do. Get her set up with a bank account and go over budgeting/saving with her. As far as school, I wouldn’t worry about the district too much (unless it’s dangerous ofc) because she is in her last year and should already be set to graduate. Pick her brain about what her plans are post graduation and see where you can help her achieve those goals. Most importantly, be gentle with her sis. Let her know you are a safe space and she can come to you about anything. Keep the line of communication open. When you need a break, because you will, take one. Whether that’s her going to your parent’s house for a weekend or you and Amy going on a staycation for a few days. Good luck girl!
I literally just went through this with my niece she’s 16 and moved in with me. Give her chores even if it’s making sure she keeps her space clean and have open communication with her so yeah definitely get her a phone you’ll both feel better. She works and taking driving classes on her days off, keep her productive. We have fun but I make sure she knows I’m the adult and don’t do nothing without asking me first. The help for food is needed so get it, cause groceries roll around weekly like clockwork lol. Stay positive I’m sure she looks up to you!
You should most definitely get her a cell phone,give her some chores and speak positive words to her because teenagers are dealing with alot of anxiety& depression make her feel loved if that doesn't work take her to your parents house
It’s nice that you took her in. Sit down and talk to your niece. Set up house rules, rules as far hanging out with friends and what time she needs to be in by. A phone is important and if you can put some sort of tracker on it that would be great. Hopefully things workout between her and her mom as time goes by. Good luck and Happy Birthday to Amy🎉
Get her a cheap phone or get a house phone. Make a list of chores she will be doing. Get a camera for your home to prevent people from coming into the house while your not there. Do not change how you have been living. One of the chores she can have is cooking
Therapy may be a good place to start, separate and together. I think something deeper is going on internally and that's what you need to understand. Ground rules are extremely important, so you and Amy should discuss those, write them out and put them up in the house. A phone is fine, just get a basic plan where the bill isn't crazy. Have a talk about her likes and dislikes and that should help a lot with planning things out from food to potential activities etc. Ensure she feels heard and valued because that might be something she is lacking at the moment which is why she acts out. Keep basic stuff on hand like cereal and thing to make sandwiches so that she can fend for herself and then if you have to order lunch or dinner that is totally fine. Love on her like you do your fur baby and you should be just fine. She will just have an opinion and voice in some situations but you have the ultimate say. Her love language would be great to know as well. I am one of four and the only one that is introverted so I don't enjoy the same things the others do. Treating me the same way whether it be punishment or rewards never worked so think about your dynamic growing up and that may also be helpful. This experience may be stressful but it may also be the most beautiful period in both your lives so think and be Positive!!!!!!!!!!
I love everything about your comment. ESPECIALLY the part about being one of four siblings and how different you each were. Parents tend to use a one-size-fits-all approach with multiple children more often than not. Your comment is so inclusive. I absolutely love it!
The same thing happened to me. I had both my niece and nephew who are teenagers and it’s been interesting 😂 mostly they need to feel like someone is listening to them and actually cares what they think. I think if the rules are explained it’s better. It causes conflict when it’s “because I said so”. In my case there were more issues than just disrespect (I don’t want to put all their business out there) but I think if the biggest issue has been disrespect in my opinion it really comes down to feeling heard. Talk to your niece a lot and I think things will get a lot better. Also getting her a prepaid phone is definitely the best idea. Is there any summer programs for teens in your area? We have things with our city recreation department and that helps get them out of the house doing something productive. Good luck and I hope everything works out!!❤
I agree with the comments and definitely set boundaries. She needs to know that she can't treat you how she treats her mother. I've had this situation but only for a week, and she was kicked out by her step-dad because she didn't get along with his gf. Long story short, her step-dad continued to raise her and her siblings after her mother passed and my brother her dad had passed years before. I've always been the aunt to spend a lot of time with my nieces and nephews so I didn't have a problem with her being disrespectful to me but I can say just be there for her, listen, have conversations to where she can feel like you're a safe space. I've always found that having conversation and actually listening helps them to open up and trust you to the point that they won't try you like they would their parents. 💜
i had somewhat of a similar experience as your niece and let me tell you this will not be easy at all. understand she is probably going through it with her mom kicking her out plus she will be living with two new people in a whole new state. it might take a while for you guys to adapt. just set boundaries and rules but at the same time let her know you actually care for her and want to see her thrive moving forward. best of luck and you’re literally amazing for this, I really hope it works out for the best!❤❤
If you think you can’t control yourself if someone disrespects you then I don’t think you should take on the responsibility of raising a child, especially a teenager! I understand you’re trying to be noble and do what you think is right but you can’t take on something you can’t handle!!! I appreciate your honesty with us and yourself! You’re the cool rich aunt! Wow what a way to describe yourself 😂😂 you go girl… But hmm definitely not if you know you have a short fuse… BTW- you and I are similar ages! I’m 29 with no kids! But I’m great with children because I understand how their brain works! Kids need structure. I have the patience of a saint.
You are an amazing Aunt Ayana and very nurturing. My suggestion would be for her to get a summer job or possibly internship since she's 17 it will help her occupy her time while you and Amy are at work and help her learn responsibilities. I feel her coming to stay with you and she doesn't have any summer plans it will lead to her going places or doing things while you and Amy are not home. I feel she should only have a phone for emergencies because if not it's like rewarding her and in order for your sister to kick her out she has been very disrespectful and need some strict guidelines to learn from her behavior. Also, instead of eating out a lot when you have free time you and your niece can prep some meals for her to eat throughout the day and for when you and Amy come home. Also, she needs some chores she's 17 she's almost an adult she needs more responsibilities.
@@prettysouthernchicthere’s no reason on this earth to justify kicking a child out. 17 is just a baby in my eyes. Not everyone deserves to be called a parent and her “parents” are proof
get her a phone, shorten blossom day care days, she can walk him, take him to the dog park etc, Also give her house chores. Wash dishes and laundry. Make it fun I also think ya should do a fun vlog once she get comfortable. This will be a life changing moment for her she will always remember 💕. you got this! coming from someone who been kicked out. Do gentle parenting please don’t give off the vibe you don’t trust her or already have your mind up of who she is. Get to know her, make your own judgement! she don’t need to feel like the family is against her.
I’ve dealt with this a couple of times and whew it was a challenge I just sent my 13 year old Neice back to her mom because she felt like she could get want she wanted from the “rich aunt” I shut that down quickly. Let her know this is not a vacation and you are not her friend. Establish ground rules and stick to them. My oldest Neice I got her when she was 16 it was all coo at first until I had to put my foot down long story short we no longer speak to this day and that was over 4 years ago. And make sure you and Amy are on the same page so your Neice won’t pin y’all against each other regarding decisions and rules. Wishing you the best of luck mommas! ❤
This is so crazy that you posted this today and I'm dealing with the same situation although it's not sister and niece I feel like you're going to be blessed no matter what happens and you're doing the right thing and I know that your sister feels comfort knowing you're going to take care of her child as if it was your own you are such a amazing person thank you for caring because these children honestly need us they really do
I still have one for emergency purpose for my kids. Will always keep it. I have a 13 about to be 14 year old and a 12 year old about to be 13. No cell phones right now for them. It’s to much going on.
Open communication, set boundaries from the beginning, don't waiver until she shows that she deserves it, give her some type of responsibility, lastly reward her when she's doing well.
From experience lay the house rules out first and explain to her the purpose of the phone. Also let her know that u are here for support and guidance teens usually work better with those circumstances. Set boundaries with her and ask her about her boundaries as well. Blessings praying that it works out ✨
She will most likely be more respectful since you are coming to get her out of a stressful situation so don’t create a space where your expecting conflict. But most of the comments are right set boundaries, listen to her and try to understand the conflict between her and your sister and be that building bridge that can help them communicate with each other but no worries everything will work out fine!
I had my little cousin here when my aunt put him out . I know it’s different because he’s a boy and he was 17 at the time . However the best bet to do with teenagers is set boundaries and let her know that you are not her parent but she should respect you . Let her know the rules of your house and be very firm because you are not the parent. Most teens they’ll try to play with you for a lil bit and see how far they can go with you . Hopefully she gets her act together because she’s been disrespectful to your sister . Also try to talk to her too and see what’s the real issues I’ve learned this with my 11 year old they don’t tell their parents everything but will tell another family member the real deal .
I had a situation like this years ago. I was a good teenager so I was not prepared for a brat. But I got used to having her around and we got really close and are really close to this day. You have to be firm.
I think you need to have a real deal sit down talk with her. Figure out where she’s coming from as far as her and her mom bumping heads. From there , let her know , her getting the phone is not a reward, it’s to be safe.
My brother's wife found me a therapist and that really helped me because it felt good knowing I could talk to someone who didn't know me or my family nor would have to worry about them judging me maybe that could be something your niece is interested in too I know you stated that the second room doesn't have a bed and that your also unsure of how long she'll be if she's there for just a couple months you could invest and a good air mattress and if it becomes longer you could always invest and a mattress set Come up with a schedule for mental health check-ins chats and a curfew that's also based around your schedule so there's no inconveniences when it comes to a phone I would suggest a mid range phone it's not crappy low end and it's not ultra high end but it's right there in the middle along with the price and she'll have all she needs to get by Last thing don't blame yourself when something goes wrong because accidents happen and in life shit happens Don't focus on being aunt mommy just be the aunt who is the guardian of the niece And don't take it personally when space is needed or when you see her to herself more Also it's okay to be the cool aunt but draw the lines for respect and boundaries
Rules, chores, basic cell phone, and keep your same routine for eating. Maybe she might want to cook sometimes. You should be fine. Prayer💞💞 Happy Birthday Aimee 💞💞
It's very kind of you to let your niece live with you and Amy. I do think that she needs a phone. Maybe not an iPhone but a cheap/reasonably priced cellphone since she will only need it to call or text. I'm hoping that her and her mom talk and make up 🙏🏼🤗💖. Happy birthday Amy 🥳🎊🎉.
Firstly, It's so kind of you to let your niece stay with you until she gets back on her feet (either through apologizing to her mother, or otherwise). Secondly, I definitely think you should get her a phone. It doesn't mean you're justifying her actions. She'll need a way to communicate with you if there's ever an emergency. Lastly, happy birthday Amy! 🥳💜 I hope the day goes well for you!
It’s interesting seeing this from another perspective. I was kicked out and it was very traumatic. I think I was 17. It created a lack of trust with my caretakers and deeper abandonment/attachment issues. It also caused me to be self reliant. My aunt took me in, in a whole other city for a bit which I was thankful for before returning “home,” and finishing school.
Hey Ayana! First thank you for sharing and trusting us with this! I hope you find great solutions that will work for you and your neice. So, as a person who was kicked out at 17 and raising a new teen now in 2023 (12) I would say: 1. Have a talk first and foremost. Really figure out who your neice is and allow her to know more about you. The key is establishing a relationship which builds trust, respect and understanding. These new teens are different from when we were teens! Chilllleeeeeee lol the main thing is Communication! 2. Establish strong boundaries. Let her know the flow of your home. Explain how things run and how she now fits into the flow of things. Teens like to feel included. (this is something I'm working on now with my teen) if you all eat out daily, choose at least 2 days when you cook at home (if your schedule permits.) 3. The phone, someone mentioned a prepaid phone, that's a great idea. You can also put her on your phone plan and add an app called #FamilyLink. It allows you to manage her phone from yours. Since she is under 18, her phone activities can be monitored and the app cannot be disabled (as far as I know) by them, they will need your permission to do so. You can unlock or lock her phone when you don't want her on it. Also, you can get a house phone too. I know having a land-line is like (old old school) but this will allow for her to have a form of contact if you don't get her a phone right away. 4. It's just in time to get her into GA's summer youth program. I live in East Point and I work with young people often. So I know a few things they can do and stuff so if you have any questions or need help getting her set up you can email me (contact@takimahowze.com). 5. Reassure her you are not her mother but that you are someone she can trust but must respect. I believe if you keep communication open, establish boundaries and keep activities going, she will be fine and thrive. ♥ You are a great aunt to take on this responsibility. Trust yourself! You have a YT village that has your back! 🤗
I live in Atlanta too so I say definitely get her a phone because you know how stuff happens out here. Definitely start cooking more lol, look for activities for her to do, make her do chores, keep her close, do not let her hit the streets of Atlanta because it’s too dangerous for young girls on the streets. She’s 17 so she can get a part time job for the summer so she can have something to do.
Happens to most of us!! Set STRONG boundaries in a way that y’all have a forever bond no matter what! She’s always gonna love her mom, you want her to always love you to.
A land line is appropriate ONLY cuz she'll be THERE...if she wants a cell let her work somewhere to get it herself, cuz she had it good with HER PARENTS, so NEEDS to see/ feel the diffrence of her actions, between you, her and her parents! so she'll hopefull gain some appreciation of her parents can be felt!
This went better than I thought, but sadly it's still pretty crazy. Get her a basic phone. Just enough to make calls and get around, but nothing fancy so she doesn't view it as a reward or gift.
My mom never kicked me out not even threatened me never I had my daughter in Highschool still 👩🏽🎓 went too college my son came 6 yrs later 👩🏽🎓 Highschool Grad at the top of my class college as well.
I believe you and Amy can do this! Be firm...rules...curfew! Do not take no smart mouth off her...let her know your home is not to be played with nor your generosity! Stand your ground...and let her know if she disrespects you or Amy...she will have to find another home quick! I wish you and Amy the best with this new journey! good luck!
Thanks for stepping up and taking on the responsibility with taking care of her it says a lot about you and it shows her that not all of her family has gave up on her be encouraged because this will be a journey but you can do it
If you don’t send her straight to her grandmama & granddaddy house!!!! Absolutely not. No phone. Don’t buy her jack. She think she slick. She definitely gonna try you Ayana and you gonna be livid!!! I promise you! Trust me. Besides, Amy ain’t the type to want no mess either. It’s not gonna work
She’s definitely gonna need a phone so you can know what’s going on with her while your at work make sure you have rules and boundaries and chores keep good communication with her
First of all Happy Birthday Amy 🥳🥳🥳 Secondly all your emotions feelings and thoughts are wonderful and valid. Alright steps, as a GodCousin Mother I’ve been right here much younger but okay. Yes full out groceries will be needed to her desire and snacks. (Teenagers eat like Football Players weekly). Get her some kind of electronic gaming console she can personally use separate from y’all she will enjoy. Now the phone yes it’s important I wanted to comment before I googled but I know there’s still a phone and plan at Target for parents that you can buy that they can call emergency lines and numbers you program for them and that’s all. So she has a phone but it’s still like punishment. So safety phone if you get me. Oh and House Phones are still a thing if you don’t want her too have any mobile device. Three SET THEN BOUNDARIES HARD AND UPFRONT!!!! Make a Board with all you and Amy can think of for her written out with the consequences on the board so she knows you break this, this happens. And have planned activities once a week as treats so she has something she knows she’s working for and a summer program you like. Like I knows us 80s babies had Boys n Girls Club/Summer Day Camps or Hell a Teen Part Time Job at your job ask your boss is there something clerical she can do with you and your co workers she can be trusted with. Y’all got this and you stepped up for her when she needed you!!! Great Aunties y’all are 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
LOL I feel like I've been clickbaited. 🤣🤣 Anyway, I agree with another user's advice who said to set boundaries. Let her know who's boss, and that there are conditions, as in certain behaviors you absolutely will not put up with. It's already concerning to me that already got kicked out of one household. Good on you for bringing her in and all but don't be too nice or she'll take your kindness for a weakness and you'll experience the reasons she got kicked out of her other home in the first place.
Here’s what I learned being and having a challenging teen. Talk to her, be honest, explain things even if you think she should know whatever those things are. An anxious/ stressed brain can’t process information the same as a calm brain. Get her a therapist, try to meet her where she is and explain the consequences of breaking boundaries. And she probably needs a phone with location sharing on. Don’t ever respond to her boundary pushing in your emotions. I wish you all the very best and just know, even if it’s difficult, it’s worth it in the end. ❤
Set boundaries. Give her a little responsibility as well. Maybe taking blossom to daycare or picking her up. Make sure she knows y’all house rules and what you expect of her. Also be a safe space for her. When I was her age I was in the coming out process and that outback wedge between my mother and I. However my cousin was my saving grace and she actually talked to me. Therapy could help as well
In my opinion, I would not take her in unless she under strict rules and boundaries. If your sister kicked her out and none of her other kids, be careful taking on someone else's problem. I say this from experience with my own family. Regardless of what you do Good Luck! 🎉
Tell her truth this will not be a vacation for you period. Set rules, boundaries, curfew, and chores. I wouldn't get her anything. But, I know you want to be able to keep in contact with her. Something simple a talk and text plan that's it. Above all else tell her that you love her.She has to get her life together. Because she is almost eighteen. Time waits for no one. Because the next step will be boarding school or military school.I know you love your niece. Does not mean your a push over period. She is going to have to learn respect. What you give is literally what you get back. You got this sending love for y'all from Memphis.👍
Girl im in the same boat rn my niece got kicked out her moms crib , and she now lives with me everything was going go until she felt to comfortable disrespecting me in my own house and now im living in hell because I see why her mother kicked her out her mouth is crazy and no matter what you say to the little witch she’s alway has something to say or an attitude , she’s sneaky and I 1 million precent wish I mind my business and stayed in my own place
No. I think you should get her a boost mobile phone or metro phone because things happen in atlanta all the time. You need to be able to contact her. You need to watch her because you need to know who she’s hanging around. She’s at that age where she’s going to want to hang out.
Awww, this is tough. You set the structure and definitely a prepaid phone. Talk to her often about her future and the path that she’s heading down but also listen to her. She’s almost an adult and is capable of understanding!
1. You need a camera in your home, turn it in when you’re not home. Teenagers like to bring strangers in the house. 2. Sign her up for boarding school or military school. They have tons all over the country. 3. Get a house phone, she don’t need a phone if she’s going to be home. 4. If you get her a phone she gets the cheapest phone until she can buy her own. If she’s disrespectful she’s only gonna be texting boys on it anyway. 5. SHE NEEDS TO GET A JOB. Disrespectful kids should never be allowed to sit home and not do anything. 6. If you order out a lot, y’all can cook together. Make cooking a bonding moment for you two to build a relationship. Plus with the two of you cooking it will be easier and faster. 7. Talk to her and ask her questions about herself, show her you care about what’s going on in her mind. Something as simple as how was your day? What are your plans after HS ? What do you like about the major yourE choosing? 8. SHE NEEDS THERAPY ASAP. 9. AGAIN SHE NEEDS TO GET A JOB.
If she has an iPhone, she can connect to Wi-Fi and message/FaceTime you. Share locations with her as well. And I think you and your sister should consider therapy for your niece because she not acting up for no reason. Set your boundaries w/ her. Also get her started on job hunting. I live in Cali and we have job fairs. She needs to get a job and she needs to learn self sufficiency, learn how to budget and save as well. Get her a chime card so you can track her spending n make her mother send her that “child support” so your niece can learn but also build trust with you and her mom
To keep her busy, help her find a job, so she can learn responsibilities. As to the phone, I would have a discussion with her mom about how to proceed since she has a phone already, cause that can backfire on you guys. Set boundaries from the beginning. She has to see that you and your sister are on the same page to co-parent. Sit her down and have a serious conversation with her about the expectations, the do’s and dont’s. Your role now is to help her change her attitude and repair her relationship with her mother. You got this. Know that being a cool auntie can be to teach her life skills and ways to carry herself appropriately. She may need to be in therapy to help deal with herself.
Don’t be loose on your rules. If no smoking or drinking… make it clear and give her your consequences so she knows. As others have said, don’t be her “friend” but set boundaries. Be honest and transparent. Listen. At 17 have her get a job. Even if it’s something fun or interning with you learning to edit your videos and maybe have her do a segment with you that you do something with products or find her hobby/talent. It could turn out to be an amazing change. Find out the real issues from your sister as well so you aren’t surprised by teen life. Think the best and enjoy the journey ❤️
She needs someone to listen to her and also b strong on her ik cuz I been there with My mom at a young age and a lot of woman and their daughters done em get along it’s sad but tru
Yes get her a phone put it on your plan. That way you can track her, and communicate with her...because trust me she's not going to just sit in the house for the whole summer.
Try to get in home councling with the sister and her daughter so that the issues can be addressed within the house hold because she may have something internally she’s acting out on god bless
You are the Realist...I love you for your honesty. Yess she needs a phone. Happy Birthday 🎂 🥳 Amy...you are gonna be a good mom you and amy... Blossom might get jealous 😏 😜
Make sure to set ground rules with her. Let her know you expect her to be resposible for cleaning up her own mess. Have a one on one talk to see what's going on with her, so that it opens up a line of communication. Think about when you were her age, what you were dealing with. I think that you will be alright. I will pray for you that GOD will lead and guide you.
Awwwwwwe You guys will be fine💟. It will do her good to be away from mom for a little. Don't be too strict with her. Allow her to confide in you, go out with her, have fun with her, and also enjoy her company ❣️. -Everything will be ok. Yes, do get her a phone so that she can communicate with you and others.
Happy Birthday Amy! and good luck, just remember there is not a handbook to parenting. We are all out here just wingin it. But my personal opinion is that she does need a phone and a hobby.
I hope all goes well and sending prayers and wishes to you and Amy. Oh, what I can say is, it's good to know the root of the problem(between your sister and her child). I have a brother who always fights with my mom because he does not clean up after himself, so if she does not imagine how uncomfortable it'll feel for Amy to tell her(in a case where she is alone with Amy in the house). I guess I'm empathizing more for Amy and her comfortabilityy with your now soon-to-be child. I noticed when my boyfriend's brother came to visit, if he did something I didn't like I wouldn't feel comfortable telling him so I would report to my boyfriend all the time, which in a way did not feel good. SENDING LOVE AND LIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I agree with most of these comments. I would say get her a phone for security & only allow her to have it when you're not around or when she's in school. However as soon as you guys are back around each other, have her give it back. Have her get a Lil part time job so she can pay for her own food & save.
Give her chores, and set ground rules about coming and leaving from the home. She can grocery shop, walk the dog, clean up, etc. She should also be enrolled in a volunteer activity for the summer so she is not just in the house (camp, babysitting, etc). You can also send her to her grandparents lol
I know everyone is saying a prepaid/flip phone but if you get her a regular phone you can actually look at her location to insure safety and things like that while still putting parental settings on her phone. Good luck to you and Amy. I pray things go smoothly for everyone.
Set boundaries as soon as she gets there. I would get her a pre paid phone until she deserves a nice phone. Boundaries Boundaries Boundaries are everything. House rules are a must!
