Ngl the one where it was revealed that the bio parents sent all these loving gifts like a whole scrapbook? That's so sweet and touching and honestly I would support OP on like... buying new jewelry, making a whole new scrapbook with them. They can't make their adopted parents take that back, but at least the gesture from their bio family was heartfelt.
My husband encouraged me to quit a job that was very stressful. He said listening to me was more stressful than his own job. It's a shame when money overrides the negatives you know you'll face.
OP 1: _RUN._ She abused you, and she's not even sorry. Hell, she won't even acknowledge that she abused you and refuses to get therapy! Do you WANT to be her punching bag for the rest of your life? What about when you have kids? Kids are stressful. She's going to go right back to abusing you, or even your children.
@@WobblesandBean Thank You. I would like to just say that the abuser was my Bio father. My Mom had nothing to do with it. In fact, MOM and I would fight against him together. A few years later, MOM met a wonderful Man. He accepted me with open arms. He was my true Dad. He earned the title. Unfortunately, both Mom and Dad have passed. I miss them daily.
Re: The interracial affair baby story: When I was just barely verbal (maybe 2-3 years old) my sister was in the 2nd grade, and we had moved from a northern state to a southern state. When my sister let slip to her classmates that she'd had black friends up north, her classmates started calling her the N-word based quasi-slur southern bigots use for white people with black friends. So one of my very earliest memories is being dragged along as my mother went to the school and read the riot act to the principal for not only allowing bullying, but in particular, allowing the use of the N-word in school. And that was how I learned about slurs and that some words are unacceptable and to this day, around 45 years later, I've still never spoken THAT word. My point? Examples matter. A parent who demonstrates an intolerance for racism will absolutely pass that lesson on to their children.
Question for you, do you think there’s a huge benefit in the Reddit situation to finding the babies biological father? I really think having a connection to the black side and culture of the baby’s fathers family could only be an enormous benefit. I’m just curious what your opinion is :) Also it sounded like OP and soon to be exWife are in no financial position to move away from their racist area atm, but I really feel like even just visiting bio-fathers side family in Philly would give that child a much healthier mindset. I’m sorry ab ur experience w racists down south as a kid, that’s awful that even 2nd graders were saying shit like that, it’s disgusting. I have interracial family member situations too, we all live in the northeast luckily tho
I agree, my family never took anyones shit about race, and my parents as well actively demonstrated intolerance towards racism, directed towards our family or anyone at else, and it does 100% teach your kids a lesson Neither me or my siblings/other fam members accept friendship w or tolerate racist ppl, esp not racist white ppl who think it’s okay to say racist slurs in 2nd grade lolll, and we vote in every election and r politically active.
I think a lot of it is who you surround yourself with and tolerate, but in that case I almost feel like u can’t control everything ab ur environment in a racist community even if u don’t tolerate it. It’s kind of the parents responsibility to raise their child in the best way possible and safest community they can. So if they can move to a better community I think it’s kind of necessary and part of being a good parent to do that for your child. esp as a white person, you can’t have a half-black child and knowingly raise them in an unsafe racist community. Even if u don’t tolerate it, u can’t stop ALL bullying or strangers actions, and it does hurt ur child. And as a white mother/parent, u don’t really have any perspective on how the racism ur child experiences actually impacts them or hurts them 🤷🏼♀️
My experience is the opposite. My kids were asked about "all the racism" they saw in the south, and had to explain, "it's worse here." The kids couldn't believe it, and my kids asked, "where are the black people?" The kids explained "it's different." This was a public school. My kids explained we had black neighbors in the south. We had dinner together. Talked on the street. One year, she was in an almost all-black classroom. Also, half the staff in the school were black, as was the principal.
so op was abused for 3 years by his girlfriend because she was "stressed" and now after all that he has to come crowling and apologize becase he lashed out at her because he was traumatized by her behavior and didn't want a repeat on the abuse, yikes op should have run a long time ago, I hope they don't have kids
@@cmcordoYT I think he meant he hopes they don't have kids together in the future. I agree. that woman will for sure abuse the kids and he would probably allow it to happen because he's too weak to stand up to her
I really hate this "don't give me an ultimatum" mentality. like a lot of things on reddit, things are said incorrectly. It's not an ultimatum. He is setting a boundary. Saying, if you do this harmful thing I'm going to remove myself from the situation is not an ultimatum. Saying, do what I say or I'm going to withhold (insert whatever, money, affection, item, etc) is an ultimatum. People saying, "I hate ultimatums" are just saying that to excuse their actions and want to do whatever they want and still blame the person warning them that their actions will have consequences.
I can get it though. With ultimatums if you aren't prepared to carry out the threat then it becomes manipulation. If you're pulling this for many events or minor issues then it's manipulation. If you do it you should mean it
@@kittikats The difference is the reasoning and situation. If I say, stop hitting me or I'm going to leave. That'd be an "ultimatum", saying, "If you go out with your friends, I'm gonna leave you" that'd be manipulation. (obviously unless those friends are like monsters or something that you have reason to not want to associate with) Yeah, if you don't follow through with your ultimatum it becomes worthless but it wouldn't necessarily mean it's manipulation either. bc if they don't do whatever they are saying not to do, they wouldn't need to follow through. ya know? Like most things there's nuance, something reddit doesn't tend to like. The problem is, reddit loves to latch onto a word and distort it's meaning until it's worthless. Like how now everything is gaslighting. lie to your partner, that's gaslighting. Don't tell your partner where you were last night. gaslighting.
@@wheelsndealz Oh I agree. I also don't think ultimatums are great for a relationship. If the person is just changing because you want but they don't but don't want to lose you then it's not going to work. Ultimatums aren't a bad thing and "never do them" though.
"Babe, are you sure it's the right decision? Last time you had that stressful job it put a lot of strain on our relationship. I don't think I can cope with going through it again. Let's work out what we can do"
There's only ever rare times where ultimatum are fine like trying to get loved ones help when they abuse use drugs n when I say that I don't mean cigs 420 I mean the worse harder stuff or abusing prescription drugs from Dr's. Even some alcoholics can't handle their liquor n are abusive to the liquor and abuses loved ones
"Socks cover the entire hand" - so would disposable latex gloves. Toilet paper could be used with no risk of contamination; surely socks would be porous and let some matter through them [] "You stink" - as my mother used to say "Your nose is too close to your arse"
The story about the girl being told she has BO. When I first started dating my ex, there was some crazy attraction between us. I loved his smell, everything. I used to joke that his pheromones had been perfectly tuned to catch me. By year 3, after lots of emotional abuse, after my love had pretty much turned to hate, during the last 6 months or so of our relationship, he constantly smelled horrible to me. I knew he showered, he used the same cologne as always. His pheromones no longer attracted me. I was repelled. It was very odd and even fascinating.
Were you not on borth control when you met him, but yes when you broke up? Because that's something it can do. Smelling really good means gwnetic compatibility iirc, the change in hormomes changes that
It’s actually not pheromones, just hormones. You sweat a bit of them out and they’re supposed to represent your immune system? It’s a bit of an unknown and finnicky situation because while we can smell and still produce something like 2 pheromones, our pheromone center of the brain is disconnected. It still exists and we identified it, but it doesn’t work. We “unplugged” it in our dna many hundreds of generations back. It’s believed that this is due to our lack of need for it since we developed complex language to communicate, which is what pheromones help with in other mammals.
My ex bf had no idea how his ex who was now "just one of my best friends" was constantly trying to "pee on his leg" and drove so many ex GFs away behind his back. Thankfully his mom knew what she was up to and asked me about it when I was pissed after talking to her when he left the room. HE sees just a friend SHE sees some one taking away HER property. Mom told me to ignore her and just go along with my life. HE was worried she would have another nervous breakdown if he didn't include her or even mentioned me to her. A "just friend" wouldn't be that jealous.
@@dm9078 did you not read the same story I did? She wanted to take some of the financial burden off of OP and was ashamed to tell him because of their different backgrounds. I think you're the one not mature enough for a relationship
@@jeannemclaughlin7978 Clearly she didn't though since she didn't care how her partner felt about it at all. Basically, went kinda like "I know I abused you in the past, but, your worries aren't actually important here."
From 18 to 20 I was good friends with a man 6 years older than I was. We both had SOs. We'd ask each other "Why do men/women react this way?" One night over dinner he looked at me and suggested maybe we needed to evaluate who we were involved with. He held my had as he said it. When we each spoke to our SO they each said they wondered why it took us so long to figure it out. We all remained friends. We celebrated our 53rd wedding anniversary in April.
@@pamelalaub6204 stfu how entitled and arrogant does somebody need to be when they have nothing better to do but go around and correct people's typos and grammatical errors on the internet
The poopy socks story: she could easily keep a box of latex gloves in the loo and put them on before she wipes. Then take the gloves off and put them in a ziplock baggie and seal it to keep the germs contained before disposing of the baggie. Surely that would be more sanitary than using a sock!
I don't know, but this is really strange. If the sock bandit is so OCD about germs, she can purchase an industrial sized bottle of hand sanitizer for the bathroom. Also, there are brands of TP that are extra thick. Charmin makes a great extra thick two ply that is strong , tear resistant, and not sandpaper. It's what we use in my home. Using someone else's clothes to wipe your bum with is both EXCEEDINGLY RUDE and rather gross.
Also the sister initially claimed the behavior was normal then claimed op was airing family secrets Wtf the behavior can't be both normal(in the sense someone shouldn't react as if it's weird or unusual) and secret
@@curtisfranzen986 as a germaphobe myself (and disagrees with how op's gf handled things), saying things like "just buy an industrial sized bottle of hand sanitiser for the bathroom" shows a lack of understanding? me using hand sanitiser doesn't stop the genuine feeling of overall dirtiness that i feel. like if i wash dishes and i'm not wearing gloves (as i am a glutton for punishment), i use hand sanitiser quite a bit; however, it doesn't stop me from freaking out. like the damage is already done. and it sounds like that may be the case for op's (ex)gf,,,,but like she could have just talked to him about alternatives. (i think her issue is more that it's a texture or comfort thing for her as well. less of a fetish and more of a spectrum type thing.)
Op, PLEASE get tested periodically over the next three years…. sadly, sometimes these things lay dormant/undetected. Report him to the health department because they need to establish his contacts & try to notify.
Abusive relationship aside, it is usually unwise to purchase property together outside of marriage. You need to go to a lawyer to have a contract drawn up with all the unpleasant possible scenarios and how they will be dealt with.
Why is that? Either way you have to get the court system involved when there's a split. Either way, things have to be divided by a third party. Marriage is a certificate, with most of its use being related to money and inheritance.
The fact that the adoptive mother didn't at least share the bio family medical history with the pediatrician is disturbing. He could have gotten a diagnosis and help sooner. It's terribly sad the adoptive mother was/is so insecure she is still withholding things from him.
Story 2 I met a guy at work and we became friends. We talked about how dates went (with other people) I was there for him when his older brother died, he was there for me later that same year when my Dad died. We helped each other with errands, I watched his house and pets during his drill weekends, etc. At one point I had a bitchy roommate who insisted I stop being friends with him because, "he's boring" (basically, she flashed him and he just rolled his eyes in annoyance and she realized she couldn't manipulate him). After a dozen years...we tentatively started dating. When we mentioned we are dating during a visit to his Mom's ( several of his nieces shouted excitedly, " we get to be in the wedding!" We laughed and said, "chill...we just started dating!"... A year later- we were engaged. And yes we had long talks about what we wanted from life, marriage, child rearing, religion, finances, goals, etc BEFORE we got married. ( And, yes, the nieces were bridesmaids)😀 We've been together almost 15 years and have 2 awesome kids.) He is my best friend and makes me laugh....and he has NEVER bored me.💜
(The girlfriend who had LEGITIMATE issues with her boyfriend’s best friend) When I (F) was young, my best friend (M) & I had been besties for many years (approx 20 at the time - late 50s now). There were about 12 of us in our fr/family about equal in male & females but he & I were the closest. He met a girl & they married about 6 mos later. We all welcomed her, especially me, & legit tried to include her in any gtg small or large. He called me one morning to tell me they couldn’t come to a Super Bowl party that night & didn’t know when he’d be allowed to see us again. I said, Allowed?, hmm...what gives? He goes on to tell me his wife had been screaming at him for a few months claiming she KNEW he & I were sleeping together & “there was just NO WAY a man could be friends with her and not be fu**ing her!”. I was in stunned silence for a few mins. Then asked why he thought she’d say that given we never even held hands? He had told her all that & she’d declared she/they wouldn’t attend anywhere I’d be. I asked if it would help if I talked to her & he felt sure it’d make it worse. A few mos go by (with no contact from either of us) later & they were still over. Sorry for the Novel to say all these years later, with marriages & divorces for both, we are still friends (and still never even held hands)
Story 1- I don't understand all the congratulations after the update. GF treated OP like crap, likely verbal/emotional abuse for years because she was "stressed", then would apologize and do it again? Sounds like a cycle of abuse to me. And she still refuses counseling, even now? And when OP reacted out of fear and unresolved trauma from what she did (based on what he wrote in the post) now he's the bad guy and felt he had to apologize and take all the blame? I don't like this relationship, honestly. GF sounds manipulative at least, possibly abusive toward OP. He never mentions any real remorse or even an acknowledgement from her about what she subjected him to for 3 YEARS. First she wouldn't talk to him about why she wanted the job until OP forced her hand, then we get a hint that she has her own deep seated issues that she is still refusing therapy to deal with them properly. OP should make therapy for each of them as well as couple's counseling a requirement of their action plan and not rush into buying a house with or marrying this woman. If the genders were reversed this would be equally as concerning. I'm worried OP is too deep in this to see how bad it is. And we only know what he posted, who knows how much worse it might really be? Maybe she was just immature and has changed. Maybe. Or she could also be an abuser. If she was an abuser in the past, then she's not just going to "get better" without a lot of intensive professional help, AND a genuine understanding of the pain she caused and willingness to change. I hope for OP's sake it's the first one, but there are some red flags here.
I really hate those "biological not my child" stories. Some people pretend like the only relationship that exist are the ones with blood-family. As if no other relationship can exist. Disgusting.
Put it this way then feel free to judge or what not could you raise someone else's baby unknowing believing that the child was not yours for over 18 years outside of paper and a possible compatible relationship with that child he or she will not be yours ever it's paternity fraud you never had a child you were just scammed into thinking you had one
I think it's the curiosity ...... Like how kids will put down their "favorite" toy when something new and shiny pops up ..... They still like the old toy, but this new one is mysterious
I was engaged to someone who broke my heart. He got caught in a series of lies that I couldn't forgive. Turns out his 'best friend', a longtime friend who was a girl, was a duplicitous piece of garbage. I broke it off and he was engaged to said best friend two weeks after the breakup. I heard from the friend who introduced us. He and friend got married, had a couple of kids. Then he sent a letter to my parents, asking for their support in us renewing our relationship. My father was in law enforcement, it didn't go the way the ex wanted. I then sent him a generic postcard confirming every thing my dad said.
Responding to the story about a guy having good female friend, and the wife being jealous. My absolute best friend is Chris, and we have known each other for over 30 years. He started to have feelings for me when we were in our 20's. I eventually instigated a fight between us to push him away because he wouldn't accept a no answer. Thankfully, we reconnected 10 years later. He had finally found his true soul mate. We rekindled our relationship as friends. However, I made an absolute point to have a lunch with his new wife. I told her that yes I did love her husband, but not in a way she ever had to be nervous about because NOTHING would ever happen. She so appreciated us sitting down together and explaining everything. I'm now godmother to both of their girls. She also understands when Chris and I want to go on holiday together, just the two of us, for a theme park long weekend (we just want to be kids again). I also do the same each year with her and the girls!! There is no reason to lose the friendship of an opposite sex friend as long as you're open completely to their partner.
Socks are not good you'd be better off with hospital gloves, they're disposable and they come in boxes of 100. I use them sometimes when I clean the floor around the toilet.
It's a shame people are averse to counselling. It is very helpful for me. I'm feeling stressed out because my psychologist is retiring. My husband and I had a good marriage made even stronger when we went to marriage counseling. We learned improved ways of communicating and fair fighting. We just celebrated our 53rd wedding anniversary and are still happy - thanks to counselling.
One person working a 60+ hour a week job is a vastly different thing than BOTH parties holding that type of professional responsibility. Age and life changes also change how we react to things. Been here, multiple times in various versions of the dynamic, with vastly different out comes each time in the 18 years of my relationship, depending on the way it was prepared for. You can't predict the future, all you can do is make a plan. Added emphasis on the fact that a female's career path is always going to be more convoluted, especially if children are part of the relationship roadmap. Communication and compromise, with checks and balances are required for any relationship, and this is a prime example of why.
about the poop socks girl. look i hate getting poop on my hands too, so i wear gloves to wipe, the disposable ones, its way better and way cleaner (and ofc washing the hands really well after it, and disposing the gloves ALWAYS) i can only see using socks disgusting, bc the fabric has small, but has holes in it.
I don't like getting stuff on me when I wipe. But there is this brilliant invention... SOAP! Because I wash my hands anyway after a trip to the bathroom, if on the off chance I get some on my hands, I can use extra soap and water.
@@crystalmorgan8039 Yes, soap is great and I use every time after going to the toilet, even for number 1, yet I feel more clean if I alsp wear gloves for number 2 before washing my hands with soap.
The fact that both sisters claim it is "normal" makes me wonder if maybe their parents did this too, and taught the daughters to do the same thing? Somewhere along the line did the girls learn that other people considered it disgusting, and therefore felt ashamed, but were too accustomed to it [or found guilty pleasure in it as teens?] to stop? Other possibilities could include sexual abuse at home? Either the family could have had the wealth to afford industrial quantities of socks, or maybe they employed a maid who did the laundry [and bleaching] for them? As for the generational origin of this practice, one might speculate that it could have begun with laundry issues over wet dreams or masturbation? Only wild speculation, but the situation seems to involve a shared mental illness [including the germophobia and the desperate need to hide it all], at least on the part of the sisters, which could require intensive psychotherapy to fix.
The age gap story: She wasn't immature, she had zero empathy. She's selfish, immaturity =/= selfish. I've known some selfish people who were mature, its a lack of empathy. And her parents are coddling her. 24 years old and she doesn't know she was cheating? I roll my eyes.
The new ex boyfriend who was obsessed about the relationship with the old ex. Contacting her using different phones sounds like stalking. If it kept up she should contact the police. He could become dangerous.
This concept of no ultimatums ever is ridiculous. It's contradicting the concept of establishing boundaries. Or rather giving the partner a chance to respect those boundaries. But it is true that if you can't even communicate to yourself what boundary of yours are you establishing and instead confusing it with power ultimatum over other person's life choices and freedom. Like the consequences of those choices in the past need to be communicated.
"Female best friend" story. I have a male best friend. I used to go to his place at least once a week, drink beer and play scrabble, just the two of us. I had known him for more than a decade when I got together with my hubby, 6 years ago. He was...suspicious. But then we started visiting, him and I, my friend and his wife, and hubby adopted him as a brother. Our kids will grow up as cousins. With ANY other guy I go by Pence Rules, and so does my partner : no spending time behind closed doors, no alcohol if out in a bar(maybe a glass of wine if food is involved), the other partner knows where, when, and is in contact. We didn't discuss rules, it is just what we naturally do.
Sounded more like she started it from an ocd / phobia type of mental state. An it's not a super weird thing to use reusesable TP. Her using them and tossing them (obviously not ok she used his socks). She needs to get those disposable wipe gloves. Or just plain disposable gloves and than use regular TP. Than toss the disposal gloves. As fear of poop touching hands is a very common issue alot of people have.
Can we just take a second to appreciate the man whose post was about his wife cheating and this being revealed by the baby being biracial? Like holy shit. The guy learns his wife cheats on him. Begins divorce proceedings. He stays firm on this. But he not only is concerned about the little girl, but he actively bonded with her and came to see her as his and was even UPSET at the idea of loosing her? Listen some people may think he was weak willed or whatever. But the fact he held firm on the divorce, and took such lengthy steps to claim her as his own, take care of the ex, and yet accepts that she may want to know her bio-dad even though he dosent want her to think of him as anyhting else but her dad. Thats a good PERSON. Thats an AMAZING Dad. In the words of Yondu. He may not be her father, but he sure is her dad.
I read somewhere that an extreme disgust with poop can be a sign of sexual abuse in the childhood, could be that both sisters have been AS:ed and devolped this copeing mechanisem and try to normalize it even tho they know it is odd
I'm an hour in and the mixed race son one sits weird with me as a general story/idea. Like the mom "liked the idea of mixed race babies" comes off SO SO wrong. As in "I wanna adopt an xyz kid specifically" level of almost "white savior" or fetish level of interest. (I mean, both parents liking and purposefully getting with a black guy to have a mixed kid just doesn't sit well with me as a general concept) like it wasn't a "this guy has qualities I love in my husband, I want the highest chance of them inheriting that" (I mean we didn't have our dad interact in our lives for the most part and we still ended up with traits/characteristics despite only seeing him for at most the equivalent of a month's time since we were 10ish) or "this guy was nice and was interested in hooking up but didn't really want to be a parent, but didnt mind 'helping' out"... it was legit an "I like xyz race and want mixed babies" People have been torn apart for that thinking/stating that (I've seen one guy ripped to shreds over stating he prefers/would only want to date Asian girls) with different races but legit no one mentions it here as weird or freaky. Like... just weird and wrong man.
I thought the same thing, I jokingly said 'what if they actually did choose to have a mixed baby to seem inclusive and like saviours' and then when the parents said that they chose to have mixed babies cause they just really like black dudes and that the mum ry wanted mixed babies, shivers went down my spine. It's a real gross reason
OP didn't choose for his wife to have a mixed race baby. The OP is a perfect example of a good man. He sees a child growing up without a father and steps into the role on his own accord. This should be celebrated, not disparaged. I unfortunately say that I'm not sure I would handle the same situation with such compassion.
@@curtisfranzen986 what? OP is the son...not the husband. Also, the child wasn't conceived through cheating, they BOTH chose this on purpose. what "situation"??
@@curtisfranzen986 ok I've gotten further into the video, and it seems that you are talking about a completely different story. You're talking about the story 2.5 hours in, but this comment thread is about the story an hour in. It was not about an affair, there was no affair, and it was written from the perspective of the son.
The poop Sox story: has the girl never heard of disposable rubber gloves? When she uses a Sox the poop runs thru the fabric and the germs gets on her hands anyway.. she is bizarre.🤪
I disagree. I believe not necessarily in the story, but I mean in general, that the rights of the birth parent should be respected to be anonymous so they want to be, and they should have the right to not be tracked down and known in cases of adoption.
Especially when it comes to things like medical history, and how to manage themselves. Risk of early dementia? You'd want to know, one or both bio parents ADHD/Autistic? You'd want to know. High risk for cancer? Diabetes? Melanoma??? You'd, want, to, know.
It also makes it seem like these parents don’t make an effort to meet any Black folks except for the men they wanted to sleep with (otherwise she may have assumed her mom cheated with someone they knew.). This whole origin story is creepy as hell and makes it seem like she doesn’t know other Black folks yet.
@JMasethe3rd Yea, it's very unfortunate and disheartening, every black kid I've known who was isolated from other black or mixed people by their parent(s) have had some serious struggle, and the parents usually have some strange ideas and latent racism still mulling around when they're dealing with anyone aside from their kid.
Dates are the same as hanging out with a friend, but you have the chance of romantic physical contact. Marriage is the same as being a roommate with your best friend, but you have a chance of romantic physical contact.
Also sadly many folks go the private adoption route because they dont qualify mentally for public adoption. Some are on board for open adoption UNTIL they get the kid. Not saying that some bio patents aren't intrusive but some adoptors ghost the mom once they get the kid.
Adopted girl: what a self centered person. Her adoptive parents loved and supported her to adulthood, even helping her pay her rent, and because they made a mistake, she’s cutting off from them and, even worse, still taking their money?
The story with OP talking about the short relationship that he is now obsessing on is for sure going through a midlife crisis. I can only say, going down that path only leads to trouble. My dear hubby went through his midlife crisis in the last year. Instead of talking to me and saying I think we are in a rut of too much work and not enough fun, he convinced himself that I no longer loved him and looked up a girl he went to some camp with as a teen. It turned into an entire mess that is way too long to write out here and MONTHS of chaos and mental anguish before he finally saw the light and ended things with her, and recommitted to me. We are still working our way back into trust, and while most things feel somewhat familiar, there are things that I know will never again be the same between us. We had a solid 30 year marriage prior to this. Please people, communicate with each other. Also, the grass is not always greener along the "what if" path.. Be good to each other.
1:50:21 I kind of wish these “I ended it with my cheating husband and my life is so much better” stories would mention how the kids are taking it. They mention kids earlier in the story but when they end the marriage they so often only tell us how THEY are doing. I’m not saying stay with the cheater for the kids’ sake but helping the children adjust to the new normal is a huge thing and I always want to know how they’re handling it.
Growing up with parents who hate each other and fight constantly is way more traumatizing than a divorce. Trust me. People who resent their parents for not staying in a miserable marriage need to grow up.
Why does she want to buy a house BEFORE marriage? If it will be her safety net. Is she the only one to be on the title and loan? If both will be paying for it, will both of your names be on the title or just the loan? If it will be her safety net, it would not be a safety net if your name is on the title. Rethink getting a loan with someone you not married to.
Op deserved to be dumped. I feel bad for the boyfriend. Op already found someone else to have the open relationship with. No self respecting person would be okay with being blindsided by that Ffs
The one with the guy who said she had BO just to manipulate her into feeling too low to cheat and crave his approval sounds just like an ex of mine. He love bombed me big time, then kept saying I stunk and that's why he couldn't keep it up... I showered twice a day and used all over body deodorant as well as clinical strength for the pits. I even used scented lotion he picked out. A bunch of other things happen (treating me like a maid and depending money even though he made waaaay more and I had my own bills), and I recginozed what he was doing. This also explained why he was never married in his 40s and going after girls in their 20s.
story 2 - my advice to OP would have been whenever the friend brings up something that they did together emphasize that that was such a cool friend thing to do and suggest something more intimate or more romantic or creating a new memory. steer clear of family things but everything else is fair game. when she says Oh remember when we went hiking, cut. her off and say omg yes boyfriend I want you to take me hiking, lets find a trail by the water or somewhere we can have a picnic or pitch a tent "hint hint wink wink". shut her down at every turn. when she says thats our favorite restaurant. Say oh thats right thats the friend hangout spot, guess boyfriend and I need to find something more romantic maybe with a view and a nice bar. you know how I get after a couple glasses of wine "hint hint wink wink". LOL everything doesn't have to be sexual but it's about steering the conversation away from memory lane and on to future trail or whatever.
The wife doesn't have ppd. She's "depressed" because she knew she was screwed from the start and when the child was born got caught and has no way out and no way to lie about the child being yours.
The OP in the poop socks story, I think the gf took him back bc she got caught and doesn’t want to start over with with another boyfriend hiding poop socks and if she’s stays she can at least know they close friends and family won’t know.
First story : if this was a woman they would of told her to leave him because he's abusive. He should have left her now he's going to be financially stuck with her.
The girl whose then boyfriend started talking to her ex-bf could have been doing what my highschool bf (and after HS too) would do. He'd meet guys whom I considered friends and say "Who is that guy who just said 'hi' to you?". I'd tell him who the guy AND the guy's girlfriend that was WITH him WHEN they said "hey/hi" out in public names. My bf would say "Ohhhh, so THAT'S [so-and-so]! I think he's too good looking to be 'just your friend'...I think I'll become his friend too. And make him hate you! Hahaha!" He turned a lot of people against me and only one person was left talking to me after he left me 10 days before our 6yr anniversary.
Cheating Spouse Wants Another chance: Stick keeping the trash to the curb. So what if you sound heartless? He killed off any feelings you have for him as a spouse when he was a cruel cheater who abandoned his family. The only thing you need to show him is civility. Never, never wait for anyone else to decide what happens in YOUR life.
Poop socks: when the sister outright accused OP of cheating and he stated the issue because how else can he defend himself; that sister is leaving him in double jeopardy because damned if he kept quiet and damned if he speak about it. Willing to bet if they actually do get married there will be much more shit (pun intended) to deal with. Hopefully Op is ready to deal with that. Also the germaphobe thing strikes me as a lie as the healthiest alternatives were shut down quickly. It could be a texture issue which though costly is easily solved: Amazon markets a type of TP made of cashmere. At $6 for 4, a little spendy but might be just what someone with texture issues needs.
Infidelity IS the most likely conclusion and that's where good detectives go because the vast majority of the times Occam's Razor holds true. It's not like a mystery novel with dozens of red herrings for the fictional detective to sort through. Someone is murdered. It's the spouse most of the time. A child is kidnapped. Look to the non-custodial parent.
Story 1 I see where he’s coming from I also see that if they were working soul crushing hours and still broke that would add to the stress. He needs to let her know if you are verbally horrible again I’ll have to go
We need to end this "shes a good mom" shit. if she cheated she is inherently a bad mom. a good parent respects the other parent. cheaters dont respect shit.
Ultimatums arnt always bad, their just deployed badly. I had a gf that refused to do something about a guy that was clearly trying to get in her pants, and at times have. I had to make her choose between me and him, because as it was the relationship was impossible to continue. She did choose me and cut contact with him, but as we know... history tends to repeat itself, and she returned to talking to him
16:36 Tell her you totally understand about their friendship after all he says he sees her as the best sister he will ever have. Tell her that straight to her face, I bet it'll shut her up.
2:05:02 I mean that’s just upsetting because I feel like there are much cheaper solutions to this. She could use gloves when using the bathroom. She could use bamboo tp. It’s tougher and texturized. She could use wet wipes.
1:18:03 my best friend and I fell in love (or admitted to it) back in 2016❤ we got married in 2019 and are now expecting our third child! He's still my best friend and I can't imagine life any other way❤ watching him become an amazing father was (and still is! ) probably one of the most magical things in life❤
And that’s why you put your kids’ shit into a trust lockbox for when they turn of age or need access to it sooner, instead of giving it to the family of strangers who will do nobody knows what to the adopted baby’s belongings. Never give them anything worth money, never give them anything they can lord over the child’s head, you will NEVER know if the supposedly good family you’re adopting out to it actually going to keep their promises and give the child what you asked them to give when it is appropriate. Not the SS card, not the actual birth cert, NOTHING they can misuse. Everything important like that belongs in a lockbox AT A SECURE LOCATION THAT WILL ABSOLUTELY LET ONLY THE CHILD ACCESS IT UPON COMING OF AGE.
Adoption story) If I were you, I would go to your bio mom, explain everything. Get the law involved. I bet she either sold the jewelry or she is keeping it for herself. Either way, the stuff is your. Your adoptive mom stole from you.
"Would I be an idiot if I got back together with my ex who cheated on me 10 years ago?" Probably, yes... 2:15:28 - 2:15:51 Hmmm... okay, I would like to change my answer to no, you won't be an idiot, since unlike most other cheaters, this guy does seem to respect you enough to not only confess his wrong doings to you, but also accept the consequences. I won't say "go be with him again", but I won't think less of you if you do. Just be sure if you can trust him again.
Socks are “porous” so she’s getting some sort of residue on her hands. Maybe some sort of disposable gloves would be better. This said, there’s a certain group of people who won’t use toilet paper because of environmental issues. They use pieces of cloth. I’m not sure if these people wash the cloths or toss them out. But you may need to get things fixed before you have children. You don’t want her germaphobia to be passed on to them. She needs therapy! If the sister is that angry you might want to do some more investigation (what other family secrets are there?) because this is probably just the tip of the crazy iceberg!
Oh, honey! Contact your father’s attorney & get your inheritance tied up tight! Call someone from one of the local car clubs & have them temporarily disable the cars & place boots on them so they can’t “wander off”. It doesn’t matter if “he comes from money” This “money” could only be in appearances & could in reality be debt or, more likely they’re users. I’m glad your dad had foresight. As to the cars? If I were you, I’d sell all but one of them. Don’t take the first offers. Do lots of research & get the very best price you can. Live (publicly) pretty much as if you never received the inheritance, don’t tell anyone or you’ll have relatives & friends coming out of the woodwork
Marriage should never come before the feelings of the children. Both are important, but sidelining the kids for the marriage will result in neglecting the child.
Congratulations on your marriage being Restored. There are many people praying for & standing in the gap for a wayward/prodigal spouse & for Restoration of their marriage (even after adultery, even after a child results from the adultery, even after the adulterer/adulteress tries to make the adultery “legal” by marrying the partner in the adultery) ….. some for years. I wish you God’s Blessings & Favor upon you all.
For the second story the girl is flirting with the op's b/f in a way he is too oblivious to notice so nothing will happen there but she keeps on flirting the same way....question why? answer she knows the op notices and it messes with her head that's why she keeps doing it not cause she's into the b/f it's clearly a dominance thing
@2:05:30 Poopy socks - These sorts of phobias are rare about what they seem to be about. For example, people who are afraid of spiders don't generally think spiders themselves are dangerous, rather they dislike the feeling of bugs crawling on their body or they fear a bite becoming infected or they've heard worst-case scenario stories of baby spiders in beds, and so on. These are legitimate fears, except that they are super rare. What happens for the phobic person is that they don't have enough experience having to deal with the thing to get past the initial fear, so it has time to grow and become a pattern. Everyone (almost) dislikes poop. No one wants it on their hands. And when it occasionally happens you get creeped out... then you wash your hands thoroughly and feel better. The phobic person gets wrapped up in that initial fear and avoids the situation so they never have the experience of being able to feel better afterwards. In essence they can't move past the fear because they never let themselves deal with the situation. As with so many things, the answer to this dilemma is therapy. Phobias absolutely CAN be overcome in most instances. *** Oh, and while it is never mentioned in the story, I would not be shocked to learn that the whole germaphobe thing is a smokescreen and this is related to childhood S* trauma. ***
I haven’t heard the poop sock story in a fat minute. Tbh, I feel bad for this woman. I get it. I wouldn’t use a sock, but I have the same problem/fear. I hope she has gotten help for this.
OP whose boyfriend is trying to steal her inheritance bit by bit, needs to break up with him and cut all contact. She needs restraining orders against all of them. People who come from money only want more money. She needs to block access from that greedy family.
for the OP whose aunt died and her boyfriend doesn't wanna be there emotionally for her, ditch the boyfriend! OP's aunt just died and she asked him to be there for her emotionally to help her grieve the lost of her family member! Anyone who acts like this towards someone whose family member passed away is an asshole in my book! Even the title was screaming "BREAK UP WITH THE ASSHOLE!" And yes people who would even do this to someone who just lost a family member is an asshole. I didn't think disrespect towards anyone whose loved one just died could go even that low, it's beside a random person walking in and disturbing a funeral for no reason. I don't know what else to even say for that story, I feel bad for OP and hope that she was able to get away from this asshole and past of me feels in rage at this man like I wanna pouch him in the teeth and knock some teeth out because no one should ever have to deal with that!
Choosing to be a child's step parent is often more special as you have chosen to be a parent where that is often not the case. Every child will rebel and it doesn't matter if the parent is bio or not. You just need to remind the child that you are here for them. No matter what, you aren't leaving. That's all a kid wants in the end even if they don't know it at the time.
How they do Christmas is how my paternal family does. My father has 8 siblings as well and each of them have about 2-3 kids(anyone under 18). We have the kids pick names for who they will buy gifts for. If someone is having a hard time one of the older cousins (18 & up now in the adult gift exchange) would buy the present for that kid to gift to their cousin but no one pressured anyone. I think the first time it happened they just volunteered in private. The adults use to do the same kind of exchange but it was kind of hard buying gifts(i.e. like when I was 19 I got an uncle who married in & I couldn’t figure out what to get this 45 year old man I knew nothing about). Then all adults buy one gift that was $25 and do this game called Left Right. Then over the years it end up being gift cards because no one wanted to buy crap-o-la. The rule is $25 card ,no restaurants , and had to be a store in town and then we do white elephant cause they like the stealing part. Over the years everyone started buying a small crap-o-la gift to do Left Right or White Elephant. We all get gift for my grandparents & if you are a god parent you get something for that kid. Some parents will bring over all their kids gift to open their & some do it back at their house Christmas morning(my grandparents are Spanish Catholic & they open at midnight).
Story 1- she’s abusing him. It’s fine if she wants more stress, as long as she can keep from yelling at him. She’s not considering how her stress impacts him or she just doesn’t care. If she starts lashing out, just leave. That’s the most powerful thing a man can do. He sounds like another gaslit simp thinking it’s his fault.
